Present Perfect: A Mindfulness Approach to Letting Go of Perfectionism and the Need for Control

by Pavel Somov

While there's no doubt that setting high standards for yourself is a good thing, you've probably already noticed that perfectionism can come at a high price. And when you take steps to try to change, it's easy to be too hard on yourself and fall into the same traps that keep you feeling stressed and disappointed. This book presents a revolutionary approach to overcoming perfectionism-a way to transform your need for precision into self-acceptance, compassion, and love for each perfectly imperfect passing moment in our lives.In Present Perfect, you'll use the Buddhist psychology of mindfulness to learn to accept the present moment in all of its ordinary perfection. This book is filled with over 150 exercises and meditations that you can practice to become more flexible toward yourself and others without losing your love of a job well done. With this compassionate approach, you'll soon be able not only to accept life as it is, but also become more accepting and forgiving of yourself and others.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Productivity

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Jenn Burt · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am letting go of perfectionism by not forcing myself to finish the rest of this terrible book.

[Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent excellent excellent book. A rare gem!

I think it did cure me from my debilitating perfectionism. Or if not cured completely, at least made me so much more aware of my thought patterns that lead to perfectionism. The book gave me enough tools to intervene in the automated perfectionistic thought process that made me so miserable and change the course of my thoughts.
Coming from an ex hard core nut perfectionist this is no small achievement.
This book is extremely helpful. Seriously.

[Deb · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't finish it. I'm sure it will resonate with some, but not me. Not very straightforward.

[Sannidhi Jhala · Rating 5 out of 5]

You’ll enjoy this book if you are exploring topics such as compassion, coaching and mindfulness. Loved the ‘exercises’ approach to teaching how to not let perfect get in the way of good.

[K · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have a hard time with “solutions” to problems that just ask you to redefine terms. It feels like sleight of hand at best. That approach is central to this book’s argument. Somov pretty consistently uses the etymological basis of words or alternative definitions to undergird his arguments - for instance, he argues that the present is perfect because it could not have been different because it isn’t different (multiverse theories aside, I guess), which is fine, but that’s not really what I mean when I say "perfect" and he knows it. Use a different word and argue that’s a better standard for evaluating the present and the past, but let’s not spend most of the book engaging in newspeak nonsense. Yes 2 + 2 = 5 and there are five lights if by five we mean four.

I also can’t really get on board with an argument that more or less leads with “If you don’t get this, if you don’t accept it, it’s your fault because this argument is otherwise infallible.” Although, I guess by the author’s definition, his arguments are “perfect” because he finished them, so?

Still, it might have been worthwhile read for this:
The past is a painful archive of imperfections, mistakes, and failures. The present is a stressful reminder of all that is yet to be accomplished. But you are in love with the future. After all, only the future holds the chance of redemption, a glimpse of satisfaction. Only the future adequately reflects your ambition and is still flawless in its potential, virgin in its possibilities of success, immaculate in its promise of absolution of all your past inefficiencies. And, most importantly, only the future is still untainted by the imperfections of the here-and-now reality. And that’s exactly why you can’t wait to get to it (pg 123).

“But you are in love with the future.” Right?

[Kiri · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. As someone who is very Type A and controlling of so many aspects, I needed a fresh take on how to let go and enjoy realizing that "it is what it is". I used to despise that expression because it reminded me of people resigned to sadness in their life, but Somov made me realize that it can be a positive reminder to enjoy the present.

And really, that's what this book is about. For people like me, we are constantly looking to the future (or some people have a problem looking to the past) and not enjoying what's going on right now. It could always be BETTER so we imagine a situation where it was better and beat ourselves up about why we're not there right now. Or we strive to create that better moment and situation for next time - always missing out that the present is pretty darn cool too.

My favorite part of this book were all the exercises that he gave. You weren't just reading on how to shift parts of your personality, you were also trying to put it into action. There were exercises that left you scratching your head but there were also some that really connected with me.

I'm sincerely hoping that I am slightly changed because of this. I'm hoping this has long term effects. We shall see - but I do recommend this book to anyone who is very controlling, a perfectionist, OCD, or Type A.

The only reason I give it 4 stars is because it is very "new agey" and based in Buddhist principles. If that's hard for you to swallow, this might be tough to read. But if you can look past that and at the core of what Pavel Somov is saying, you'll find yourself changed.

[Lucas Jarche · Rating 2 out of 5]

Someone recommended this book. I didn't read it. I recommended this book to Emma. She read it and enjoyed it. She recommended this book to me. I finally read it. I didn't like it.

I wrote a pretty scathing review for this but then deleted it all. Ultimately it didn't really resonate with me. Mostly I think it was the way it was written. Using "you", assuming he knew what made me tick, how I reacted to things, how I thought, it felt presumptuious and condescending. It was also needlessly verbose, saying the same thing several times, and most of the "exercises" felt trite.

Maybe my self-improvement teacup is too full, and the tea is spilling out. Maybe I'm too defensive. Mostly I just found myself rolling my eyes and understanding people who think self-improvement books are a joke.

I don't really agree with the main tennet - that because we can't change things (the present) they are by definition perfect. That's some verbal ninjitsu that changes the definition of the word perfect so suit his needs. After that I found it was hard to take the guy seriously.

I enjoyed some pieces, but a lot of them were already found in Marcus Aurelius' Meditations (he'd probably agree that the present is perfect, him and his Logos dictated by the gods stuff that I didn't love).

I guess I learned I'm not a perfectionist since nearly every time he assumed something about me I disagreed. Or maybe I'm just really defensive.

[Erin Lyndal Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful book for those who, like me, tend to obsess about things and be really hard on every mistake they make. He gives very practical exercises, including desensitization stuff like having you spill water on the floor and wait a few minutes to clean it up or mispronounce words on purpose. Those things, combined with mindfulness-based practices and also with a lot of compassionate and level-headed wisdom, make for a very important book.

[Zsaffryn Terra · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a great benchmark for me in realizing how far I’ve come in the recovering perfectionist’s journey.

I loved the thoughts on acceptance and nurturing a don’t-know mindset. The first half of the book was well done and gave me some great points to consider.

That is where my enjoyment ended.

There is little to no recognition of accountability in this novel. The author recommends shrugging off wrong doings and makes the case that actions are “Predetermined by nature and nurture”. While that plays a role, there is also the third pillar of human autonomy—the miracle and strength of choice—that this book ignores. By doing so, it removes personal accountability and the healing actions that result from taking such a road.

There were several points in the latter half of this novel where I considered how enabling the messages inside are for sociopaths.

[Lily Heron · Rating 1 out of 5]

Books like this are so offensive. Because something happened, it's perfect? Fuck you, you know what would be perfect? That thing not happening in the first place. Why are you right and I'm wrong just because I disagree with your premise, when there's nothing behind the premise but the author's opinion? This kind of mindfulness is such an opioid, getting you hooked on the belief that if you just try hard enough to be chill with injustice, everything will be ok and you won't feel bad, when the reason you feel bad is because you were treated badly, and it's ok not to be at peace with that reality.

[Lexy · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You are doing your best in each moment, in this moment, you are the best you can be" - not an exact quote, but an idea that really touched me throughout the book, and woke me up to caring more deeply about each moment of my life, and to let go of the gripping struggles of perfection. Nothing is ever perfect. That is reality. What an amazing book!

[Rob · Rating 1 out of 5]

An impulsive read and ultimately extremely forgettable. Somewhere between Laziness Does Not Exist and Mind Illuminated, didn't have a particularly unique or compelling thesis. Meh. This review is already too long.

[DeWayne Dorsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are ways to get and maintain your peace and peace of mind. This book with give you several ways to do so. Some of these methods I'd already learned some and implemented others. I recommend.

[Lia Hulit · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lays out by examining root of the problem, awareness and exercises to understand where one is/what's holding them back, start to look at what would be different if they were living in the present.

[Braveheart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helped so much. Bought the paperback and followed along while listening to the audiobook.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was great! I had just read An Early Resurrection by Adam Miller which probably primed the pump for me; otherwise I might have thought this book was cheesy and inaccurate. But honestly, this book helped change my view on perfectionism and set me free from some false beliefs I've carried far too long. With that said - the exercises are really silly. I only read a few of them and tried a couple...not the strength of this book. Still, the concepts and clarifications were pretty darn beautiful. :)

[Elisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an excellent book! I return to it time and time again to reread parts when I'm feeling stressed or forget the easy-to-learn lessons this book teaches. It's like Zen for Beginners, but not for Dummies. Written in very plain language, the chapters are brief, but every page is full of new wisdom and thoughts to chew on. Some of the exercises are a bit "out there" for some, but choose what you wish to use and leave the rest alone, I say. This is one of those books that you should keep next to your bed for that little pick-me-up when you feel lost or alone. An excellent and easy read.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love personal growth books that stand out with some insight into myself. I read a paragraph and jump "That's me!" This one had that moment and not much more. While there were some good insights into perfectionism, like the three types, there wasn't much I got out of it in the end. I really dislike authors defining words in there books and the lose connections those words and others have.

I didn't complete any of the exercises and often found when I read them that the author could have just written about what he wanted the reader to get.

[R.K. Goff · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did disagree with the author at a point or two--but for the most part this is a fabulous collection of thoughts on perfectionism and a better way to be thinking. It's a great tool for working with the idea that good philosophy can trump all kinds of oddness.

And non-perfectionists would probably enjoy it too.

[AnandaTashie]

Checked this out from the library, read the first couple of chapters, then skimmed some deeper into the book; concluded it didn't resonate with me enough to fully read it. Some parts were over-intellectualized, some a bit dogmatic, and others just flat out didn't resonate with my life path (gratitude optional? thoroughly research horrific acts and people for deeper compassion? ehh).

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm enjoying this book after reading about perfectionism in Brene Brown's book. This is a great follow-up for those who want to learn more exercises about becoming more mindful and eliminating perfectionism thinking.

[Lois Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book to read slowly. Completing the exercises suggested by the author is vital to the whole process. Loosening the grip of perfectionism binding so many of us is a daunting task, but is so necessary in our hyper-competetive, instant gratification culture.

[Ali · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read if you do not do the exercises throughout the book. Provided me with a new perspective on living in the moment.

[Justina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Has good exercises in the first half. Some of the later exercises are kind of silly, you could maybe imagine them and get the point without actually doing them. Easy to read.

[Jennifer]

Totally new age mindfulness instruction book. Totally not my thing.

[Charles Tinkler · Rating 5 out of 5]

awesome