I'm Dysfunctional, You're Dysfunctional: The Recovery Movement and Other Self-Help

by Wendy Kaminer

"If a Nobel Prize were awarded for clarity and sanity in a world gone mad, Wendy Kaminer would be on her way to Stockholm." -- Newsday

Anyone who's ever wondered why talking about addiction has become so fashionable, shuddered on hearing an "adult child" compare his upbringing with the Holocaust, or felt that admitting one's powerlessness is a frightening prospect for a participatory democracy will be delighted by this bracingly outspoken and intelligent work of social criticism.

Whether she is infiltrating twelve-step meetings and codependency workshops or evaluating the claims of gurus from Shirley MacLaine to M. Scott Peck, Wendy Kaminer deftly diagnoses a national movement (and multi-million-dollar industry) with a strong tendency toward authoritarianism, a cult of victimhood, and a nasty streak of covert religiosity.

Controversial, original, and brilliantly reasoned, I'm Dysfunctional, You're Dysfunctional changes the way we think about self-help -- and helps us to think for ourselves.

"Explores...the ominous effect of all this institutionalized whining on our culture and politics...an incisive and provocative argument." -- Washington Post

"Extremely witty...Ms. Kaminer has a real gift for honing her anger to an epigrammatic edge....We can make good use of [her] skepticism."

-- The New York Times Book Review

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Self Help, Philosophy

180 pages, Paperback

First published March 31, 1992

Reviews

[Andrew Kosztyo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sensational title, compelling thesis, mediocre execution! Kaminer justifiably excoriates self-help gurus and 12-step programs for using dodgy rhetorical devises such as shoddy anecdotal evidence, flimsy personal testimony, and emotional manipulation. Sadly, she makes her argument using shoddy anecdotal evidence, flimsy personal testimony, and emotional manipulation.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alternate title: I'm Cynical, You're Cynical

Okay, so now I've read several books on the evils of the self-help industry and I think I'm getting a little tired of the topic. I may not be in the best position to give Wendy a fair review under the circumstances, but I'll try.

This book begs a comparison to Steve Salerno's "SHAM." Wendy's tone is more detached and academic than Steve's, and Steve's book is more expansive. Wendy's basic gripe with the self-help movement seems to be its abdication of control and responsibility in favor of placing uncritical trust in a higher power -- G-d, or more frequently, a self-help guru. Wendy attacks the concept of co-dependence (which she defines rather broadly and vaguely), the twelve-step movement, irrational New Age rhetoric, and the reintroduction of G-d and spirituality into self-help. Her overall thesis might be summed up by George Carlin's quote in SHAM, which I'll paraphrase: If you're reading it in a book, people, it's not self-help -- it's help!

The other books I've read in this genre quoted Wendy frequently, so there wasn't a whole lot of new information here for me. Maybe I'd have given this a higher rating if I'd read it before I read the others.

[Fishface · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author enteres the world of Twelve-Step and other self-help groups, looking at how they empower or in some cases sabotage their members. A very incisive read.

[Judith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have long been frustrated with the self-help movement. To me, all those books out there are saying, "You aren't good enough." And they are written, for the most part, by people who have a limited experience with the wide range of people who might be looking at their book. Writers, in other words, who don't really know what they are talking about.

So I loved finding this book. Although written in the early 1990s it holds true today. Kaminer examines several types of "recovery" movements, then moves into other self-help movements. She examines what the authors are saying and determines that most of them contradict themselves, are not based on clear thinking, and, worst of all, encourage a status of victimhood and dependency. "You can't help it." "You need help." "You can't do it alone".

Kaminer is especially ruthless when she discusses how this movement has muddied the waters of what is really abuse. Now any kind of difficulty can be labeled as abuse, as traumatic, "as bad as being in a concentration camp". The notion is absurd but I happen to know someone who has bought exactly this argument about her own childhood, that it was worse than being in a concentration camp. Come on! It's so ridiculous. And Kaminer is not afraid to say so, often with laugh-out-loud humor.

More people need to read this book. It might shake them loose of that feeling that they need someone else to approve what they do, to tell them what to do.

[Cecil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great message! This exposes twelve-step programs for what they are--a mechanism through which others, in the guise of being helpful, attempt to manipulate and control your life. The author takes the position that the best way to overcome addiction--alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.--is to decide that you will take power over that thing instead of resigning yourself to powerlessness and substituting something else--usually the man upstairs or some religeous organization--to control you. Taking control of one's own life makes sense to me, but it may only work for ornery, independent cusses like me who refuse to let others have power over them. Sadly, I have observed that the majority of persons would rather have someone else think for them and make all their decisions for them--the type for whom faith is their only refuge. Perhaps that is why this book was out of print the last time I checked. How unfortunate!

[Abigail G · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the author definatly had a point to make and made it covering numerous ideologies, she managed to leave the reader with a giant question mark at the end. She gave the reader everything to be against and no idea for us to process into a progressive action. Her point was valid about a victim mentality that has integrated into our society but it was clear to me after one chapter and became repetitive to continue reading.

[Irein Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was fun reading a cultural critique book from the 90s—it was a familiar yet range. Kaminer diagnoses the common link between recovery groups, self-help movements, and New Age religion with a quippy, snappy tone. I think her analysis at times was scattered, but she had interesting thoughts.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was quite thought-provoking and interesting, offering a lot of excellent insights about the dysfunction, silliness, and wackiness of the self-help world. This is a worthwhile read, then, for all therapists and for anyone, really, who works in the mental health field.

[Ivan Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very sarcastic book. However, it has many relevant things to say about 12 step programs and self-help books.