Loving an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

by Douglas Bey Jr.

The child of an alcoholic develops patterns of behavior during childhood which carry over into adult life. As children they were taught to cover up the family secret and suppress their feelings. No matter what is going on, as adults, when asked how she or he is doing your partner will likely answer "fine." Distrust, fear of abandonment, and sensitivity to criticism are all major issues for your adult child. Recognizing these patterns and changing the ones that cause problems will help you and your partner enjoy a deeper relationship.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

Published April 16, 2007

Reviews

[Apshah73]

All great books will inevitably cause introspection and self-evaluation within the context of the story told. This is a rare book that, while not incredibly written, is profoundly powerful and allows for introspection, and honest searing insight into loving someone close to you who is a child of an alcoholic.

I'm sure that there was so much that my girlfriend wanted to tell me, but couldn't, and this book helped me understand how to better communicate with her and show her love.

It's not a cookbook recipe, but it inspires understanding and deeper love of the person who is a child of an alcoholic.

A must read. I am humbled and changed because of this book.

[Amilia Jury]

I audiobooked this one — super interesting and really educational. Definitely worth making highlights or taking notes while you listen. Some of the research-based facts really hit the nail on the head. It’s validating without being overly negative, which I appreciated.

If you’re planning to check it out, I’d focus on the intro, chapters 1, 4, 5(!!!), and 13. There’s a fair bit of repetition and some parts that don’t totally apply since it’s written from a relationship/spouse perspective, but still worth the listen.

[Leslie Butler]

There has to be something better.

[Jen]

Great information, easy to read, typical self-help style. The writing irked me, the anecdotes seemed at times unrelated to the point they wanted to get across, and the Alcoholics Anonymous sayings felt a bit too prominent. This is a good resource that is worth scanning through, perhaps even to spark conversation about what childhood experiences really are like. The authors provide examples of the unpredictability and I feel like I have a better understanding of how massive and lasting the surviving effects can be.

[Tiffany]

This book really hit home and helped me understand a little more about myself. So much of what they explained was so accurate and there is a lot of useful information worth the read for not only the significant other of, but the ACOA as well. Quick and easy read, however the writing style wasn't my favorite. I got a little burnt out with the "jack and Jill" storytelling as well. Sift through the stories to get to the meat and potatoes of the book- would definitely recommend.

[Pine]

i’m no longer identifying

[Kevin]

An easy to read guide for the partner or friend of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) or for an ACoA himself/herself. It is very insightful in understanding and explaining the root causes of an ACoA's behavior. I found myself skimming some of the longer case studies, whose points had been made, and it referred a little too often to the twelve step process as well as religion for my personal liking; however, the psychology is solid and applicable.

[Jenna]

Some of the writing is not great, but overall this book is well worth reading. And, having a nice, long discussion about. Another reviewer was right that some of the stories don't always fit with the material being discussed. But, I do really like that the couple writing the book are intimately familiar with the subject material both in their own relationship and in the couples that they treat.

[Janet]

I love this book- so much of it is right on the money - true I could have done without so many anecdotes but this book has helped me so much- thank you

[Glitter]