The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green

by Joshua Braff

Jacob Green, a young Jewish boy growing up in 1970s suburban New Jersey, struggles to deal with his fear of disappointing and yearning to escape the demands and expectations of his tyrannical and narcissistic father, Abram. A first novel. Reprint.

Genres: Fiction, Young Adult, Humor, Coming Of Age, Jewish, Contemporary, Adult Fiction

259 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Joshua Braff is an American author. His first novel, The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green, described by some as a Jewish coming of age tale, was published in 2004 by Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, and drew some comparisons to J.D. Salinger. He contributed a short work entitled "Exit 15W" to the collection of shorts about New Jersey entitled "Living on the Edge of the World" after his hometown of South Orange. He has written for a number of literary journals. His second novel, Peep Show, was published in 2010.

Joshua is the older brother of actor Zach Braff.

Reviews

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think it’s safe to say teenage boys think about sex. A LOT. In fact, teenage boys think about sex so much and with such enthusiasm that teenage girls are often overridden around every bend. With teenage boys in mind, I have compiled a list of penis slang. This is by no means all-inclusive, but it should suffice for the task at hand. There’s Johnson and skin-flute and boner and anaconda and anal impaler. Bald-headed yogurt slinger and baloney pony and bratwurst and chubbie and cock and ding-a-ling and ding dong and dingis. John Thomas and joystick and knob and love stick and member and middle leg and Mr. Happy. Schlong and Schwartz and shaft and tallywacker and trouser snake and wang and weenie.

If you add up all the slang terms (there’re 27) and then multiply this number by 15, you probably end up somewhere in the vicinity of how often teenage boys think about getting laid. That’s nearly 17 times an hour. Am I exaggerating? I wish I were. And it doesn’t really matter if your father is half-crazy and your mother decides to start boning her psychology professor, a teenage boy can still dream of a better life. Even if your nanny doesn’t feel the same way about you, you can still enjoy the view and keep the more X-rated thoughts to yourself and have wet dreams in the privacy of your bedroom.

THE UNTHINKABLE THOUGHTS OF JACOB GREEN reminded me of a dysfunctional family on steroids. When I reached the end, I had developed an even greater appreciation for my own upbringing, and it was hard not for me to consider myself lucky. Sure, I could bemoan my own familial problems, or my own teenage drama (rather mild in comparison), or the skirmishes my brother and I experienced on multiple occasions, but none of those thoughts crossed my mind. Instead, amusement crossed my lips, as character after character acted out in the craziest manner, and I found myself hanging on for the ride.

Cross-posted at Robert's Reads

[Sallie Ben O'Shee · Rating 4 out of 5]

When this book begins it is so fall-out-of-your-chair funny that you think it will simply be a well-written fun bit of fiction. One of the best strategies the writer employs is to drop in the heartbreak of the book in such a nonchalant, straightforward manner that you never see it coming. The book then takes you on a ride that while screamingly funny at times, is also achingly sad. I highly recommend this book. I read that some people compare Braff to JD Salanger (who would mind that?) but I thought this book was most comparable to my absolute favorite book of all time, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. You can get no higher praise from me. The only reason that I didn't give it five stars is that I felt he employed the writing device of the bar mitzvah thank you notes as a way to convey Jacob's unthinkable thoughts for too many pages. However, that is the only slightly critical thing I can say about this book. It is practically perfect. Especially if you are Jewish, you must read this book.

[Tori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent father-characterization. But I never want to get one of his thank you notes.

[Monique · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full disclosure: I know the author; our kids go to the same school. So, I was prepared to like the "Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green" in a "it was OK" sort of a way because I like the author. However, I am (very happy) to report that I really and truly enjoyed this book on its own merits. This novel is a gem. It's a clever, often funny, and sometimes quite agonizing novel about a young Jewish boy coming of age in New Jersey. Our hero Jacob struggles with Judaism, worships his cool older brother and, perhaps most importantly, grapples with what it means to be his limelight-hogging father's son.

I especially loved the ending (which I won't reveal here.) What a beautiful and haunting image.

Also, some of the other reviewers here on Goodreads seemed to imply that this book was so heavy on Judaism that it would not be interesting to someone who is not Jewish. Well, they're wrong. I definitely don't think you have to be Jewish to truly enjoy this book and you might even learn something about that religion. Teenage angst is universal!

I can't wait to get my hands on Josh's new novel, "Peep Show," which is coming out next month! I went to an advance book reading of it and it is fantastic.

Get your hands on "Unthinkable"...you won't be disappointed.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

If it was possible to give something half stars, I would give this 4.5. It was super well written, funny at times. Braff is really good at "showing not telling". The characters were awesome and believable. The minus half a star is for the ending, which I didn't really like. It wasn't a bad ending at all, it was just a bit... unsatisfying.

[Badly Drawn Girl · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a surprise this little gem of a book turned out to be. I didn't know what type of book I was even reading when I started. Based on the cover and the title, I was imagining a silly teenage book on par with I Love You, Beth Cooper and Youth in Revolt. What I got was a touching story of a young man struggling to find his identity while trying to protect himself from his father's frightening rages. The book is funny but it's also terribly upsetting at times.

I've read a lot of books on abuse and this one tops the list for the accuracy of it's portrayal of Jacob's father. Joshua Braff avoids painting him as a monster with no redeeming qualities. He is shown as a man who loves his family, loves his wife, and loves God. He is also shown to be jealous of Jacob's gift, manipulative, controlling, unpredictable and violent. And if Jacob is going to make it out of the family in one piece, he is going to have to take a stand.

I highly recommend this book.

[Bryan Irrera · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book to be a SLOG to get through. Tedious.

The "humor" (which primarily consisted of potty humor and jokes about the narrator's growing sexual awareness) did not balance the horror of the narrator's living situation (dealing with an overbearing emotionally abusive passive aggressive father).

There is also no resolution of this situation. The final chapter doesn't give us any hope for Jacob eventually getting out from under his father's thumb.

[J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book seems like it would be a comedy based in back cover text. And maybe it is, but the father is so overbearing, so horrible and mentally abusive that I couldn't find anything all that funny. I will say, though, that the writing of the abusive father was so realistic that I found myself having visceral reactions to it (I saw my own asshole of a father reflected in horrible accuracy). The ending is intriguing. It's a good novel, but I do have to say that I'm not sure I saw in it what John Green saw in it (when he called it one if his all-time favorite books). Good novel, but don't be fooled--not at all a comedy.

[Krystle · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

I read this a really long time ago in freshman year of high school. It's a really strange, quirky, coming of age tale about a shy Jewish boy who is trying to not only figure out his own identity but also understand and find himself and a connection with his religion. I remember a scene how he is so pressured and nervous, and wants to live up to the expectations of his father who says he's brilliant at speaking in Yiddish (I think that's what it was?) and to lead the speeches for their church or group, or some sort of gather (I can't quite remember) but has feelings of insecurity, doubt, and disconnect. It's compounded by the fact that he's going through the beginnings of puberty and is discovering a lot more responsibilities than he had before (including the first pulls of desire).

There was also a very strange and awkward scene with his sitter, or neighbor, or something. Yeah...

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Technically, this is a YA novel, but I've got a hunch that it's a bigger hit with adult readers. This is a classic coming-of-age story that chronicles Jacob Green's trials navigating his aggressive, controlling father, his parents' disintegrating marriage, and problems at school. He finds comfort (maybe a little something else?) from his sexy babysitter who likes to give back-scratches, all the while going back and forth between admiration and confusion at his brother's rebellion against their (sorta) Orthodox Jewish upbringing. I practically peed my pants laughing a few times only to have my heart torn out on the next page with the agonies of this fifteen-year old boy's existence. Check it out--you might like it.

[Claudia Getz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh! Oh! Oh! I so enjoyed this book. Picture the Wonder Years, except it takes place in the 1970's and it's a Jewish family. The trials and tribulations of a young boy coming of age that lives under the roof of an overbearing father in which he can never stand up to his expectations. Jacob has an older brother that is quite the rebel. So, this leaves Jacob as being his father's hope for the perfect son. The unthinkable thoughts that jacob manifests in order to cope with all the pressure are absolutely hilarious. There is some mature sexual content and foul language in this book. I'd like to see a sequal to this book and see what else is next for Jacob.

[Marlana · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had tons of potential. The premise was smart, unique, and witty. Unfortunately, I found that the characters were vastly underdeveloped. The only time I truly felt the feelings of Jacob was when he was being compared with his father. For so much build up, this story had little resolution and leaves the reader with far more questions than with answers.

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember reading about sexual things. It may have been masturbation. Yes that was it.

[emmy · Rating 4 out of 5]

i wanted to read this book because i first read it in 7th grade and remember it being the first book i read that ever talked about boobs. in actuality, this book barely talks about boobs. it’s really about a family and how they deal with their abusive father. and it’s sad and dark. the two brothers are sweet together and im glad the mom escapes although to the detriment of her children.

not really sure what to rate this. i didn’t seriously read this book. i mostly read it in between or during meetings i wasn’t interested in.

[Yuisan Joa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s been a while since I’ve read a fiction book and i had the best time with it, funny, relatable to the teenage-boys-antics-and-thoughts extent and it’s even funnier and better cause I took this recommendation out of Florence Welch’s book club, which is such an unusual pick. Great time

[Armand · Rating 2 out of 5]

An occasionally funny, but mostly disappointing first effort from Zach Braff’s older brother about a teenage boy and the pressures of school, sex, identity, family, and Judaism. The book sets out to use the main character's humorous and sometimes fanciful observations to expose a few life lessons, or at least entertainingly rehash some of the painful embarrassments of being a teenager. Braff succeeds early in doing so, but the father figure becomes so severe that he takes over the story, which I’m not sure the author intended. Unlike The Great Santini or This Boy’s Life, which insightfully mixed elements of (dark) humor into a teenage boy's life with an overbearing and violent father figure, Braff's inability to walk this line led me to pity, rather than root for, the main character. There’s certainly promise in Braff’s writing, and some of the funny and dramatic parts, when read alone, are done well. But overall, I’m not exactly sure what Braff was going for, and it’s not entirely clear to me that he knew either.

[Candice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book and I really think more people need to read it. It's written very well, and you get to go through this boys life as he's growing up. And you see all his difficulties dealing with his family and religion. If you like books like "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" you'll probably like this book.

[Claire · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book mainly because it was written by Zach Braff's brother, so I assumed it had to be as clever and quirky as something Zach would write or direct. In my opinion, it really wasn't. It was more of a character sketch than a story with a plot, which I was not expecting.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oo, this is a hard one. It's a beautifully written story about an adolescent and his overbearing father. The characters are so well done, and often really funny. The scenes with the father in a rage make me feel I'm experiencing them myself. I mean, so hard to take, but ultimately so good.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

I *may* have read this because the author is Zach Braff's brother. But it was a pretty good coming-of-age story.

[bob walenski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jacob Greene is the younger sibling in a pair of brothers ( Asher and Jacob ) in this "coming of age" novel set in New Jersey in the 1970's. The family of six is captured in a swirl of dysfunction, Jewish humor and satirical commentary on both the Jewish and American cultures of the time. It's a fast and funny read that melts away into various episodes of two years of Jacob's life in and outside the family.

Jacob narrates the novel, but his father is the main protagonist for most of the story. He is a despicable man, and his actions, words and thoughts are hateful and hurtful. He is relentlessly awful to his family, constantly showing off and manipulating them into humiliation after humiliation. I can think of few characters I've come across in recent literature that I've disliked more. The novel ends with the predictably huge break up of the family because of the father.

Some of the humor and simple universal acts of adolescence and childhood saved the book. There were many of the expected cliches woven into the plot, but lots of surprises too, mostly due to the ghastly acts of the father. Jacob's awakenings with his live in baby sitter Megan was especially sweet. There was a certain charm to it, and I was able to gather enough empathy and care for all 4 siblings to want to keep reading.

I really wouldn't recommend this book, unless you want something super light, easy and quick to read about the Jewish culture, with a character you'll love to laugh at and hate. If you are inclined to select a novel like this one, I would much more strongly recommend Phillip Roth's " Portnoy's Complaint " or something by Chaim Potok or Judy Blume.

[Kait · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was such a surprise. I picked it up used a few years ago after John Green recommended it in a youtube video. Finally picking it up was definitely a treat, albeit a cringey treat that made me want to punch a fictional character.

This story was equal parts sad and funny. Funny in the way it was told and written - Joshua Braff's style was really enjoyable to read through and the voice of Jacob was so distinct and genuine. I was really impressed with how young the voice came across - something that I haven't seen done as well in quite a while. The story was also sad in Jacob's interactions with his family. I have never wanted to punch a character in the face as much as I did with Jacob's father. I found myself so frustrated with his incessant need to showcase his "perfect family" without putting in any of the effort to be an actual good father or husband. His antics, while funny to hear in description, were also painful in the second-hand embarrassment type of way.

This box also satisfies the "Practicing Jewish MC" box of Diversity Bingo

[Bradley Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Braff’s debut novel is a Hebrew coming of age story about Jacob, a young boy unable to tell his overbearing father that he does not want to sing in the synagogue. Jacob can’t stop thinking humiliating thoughts about the people in his life. Whether it is his father embarrassed by his son’s grades, feeling inadequate to his rebellious older brother, or the cute young nurse working for room and board in his home, he struggles to not become a constant disappointment to his everyone. As his father’s temper and narcissistic need for his family’s validation worsens, Jacob fantasizes about leaving his home forever. When his parents divorce after a particularly cruel outburst from his father, Jacob begins to put his plans to action.

[Jillian Somers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joshua Braff did an amazing job showing how religion and anger controlling a person you love's life. In The Unthinkable Thoughts Of Jacob Green, that character is his father who sets house rules and is always yelling at one of his children. Braff shows how Jacob deals with this by making him and his older brother rebel. This book is amazing and I would recommend it to people 14 or older, just because it does have some mature themes, but nothing too bad. I couldn't stop reading this book. I felt all of the emotions Jacob had. I usually read sci-fi or mystery/horror book, but this is realistic fiction and I liked it just as much, if not more than any of the other books I have read.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a really heavy book for YA (though I think the YA I read when I was a teenager would now be considered YA-lite). It is anything but fun and frothy -- verbally abusive parent, lots of anger and angst -- but it's written so well that you can't help but want to finish it in a single gulp. I loved Jacob's fake letters, I loved learning about what it means to grow up in a super religious (Jewish) family, and I loved the relationship between Jacob and his older brother. I would also consider this historical fiction, as it takes place in the 70s and 80s but was written just a few years ago. It really captures the time period. Bonus points for a lengthy Annie Get Your Gun reference.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is an excellent example of a wonderfully written piece of fiction that was meant for someone other than me. I didn’t laugh out loud at all. I think I put myself in the place of someone wanting to help Jacob so much that I couldn’t revel in the dysfunction.

However, the characters, the dialogue, the internal musings of Jacob were so real. I felt the tension and the disappointment and the inescapable despair. The humorous parts broke up the heavier scenes, but I didn’t really find the funny stuff that funny. I don’t penalize the book for that. I guess I couldn’t get out of the mindset that I am a mother of a thirteen year-old boy and boys are gross.

[Jamie Dacyczyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A funny, heart-felt romp through adolescence in the 70-80's as told through the eyes of Joseph, a boy growing up with a strict Jewish father. The father's pathological personality is painfully suffocating, and you feel yourself growing anxious along with Joseph as he struggles to live up to his father's impossible expectations. Add in some *teenage boy thoughts* and you've got quite the colorful book.

I've got to subtract a star for the ending, however, which felt very unsatisfactory and quite anti climactic.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

You guys, this book is sick. John Green recommended this on his (and his bro's) YT channel. I knew from that moment that this must be good and good it was! It was sad and funny and disturbing and annoying and-- ugh, it just gave me all the feels! It was so well-written that I couldn't get enough of it. You know you're reading a good book when you feel a connection with the characters. This is one of those books that i wish would never end. I literally hugged the book for thirty minutes or so after finishing it.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

(3.5 stars)

At first blush, one could easily view Joshua Braff’s debut novel as a run-of-the-mill, first-person narrated, “Coming of Age Tale.” But unlike your typical “Teenage Middle Class Guy Grows up in the Suburbs . . . Hijinks Ensue” type story, “The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green” is more about the unbreakable bonds of family, than anything else. Aside from a few comically awkward descriptions of the main character’s first experiences with sexual arousal, we get to see very little of Jacob’s life outside his home. We don’t get to meet his first girlfriends, or the bullies that might pick on him in the lunchroom. He has one friend . . . I think. However, after we meet him for the first time, he sort of fades into the background.

In fact, the “Unthinkable Thoughts” can really be boiled down into the relationship between the story’s remarkably insightful and funny (though often unintentionally so) narrator, his emotionally abusive and histrionic father, his rebellious, but caring brother, and (to a lesser extent) his put-upon, soft-spoken, mother. Jacob has two younger siblings in the story. And yet, their sole purpose in the novel seems to be to randomly pop up at parties, and be “adorable.”

There isn’t much of a linear plot here. However, one could argue that there doesn’t really need to be. As the story unfolds, we are simply allowed to watch these incredibly complex, three-dimensional, characters relate to one another, as they navigate the bumpy road of Life.

The most starkly depicted character in the story is probably Jacob’s father, Abram. When we meet him in the first chapter, he seems like kind of a goofball . . . a well-meaning, mildly self-absorbed guy, who wants nothing more than to show off his “perfect family” to his new neighbors. It’s not until after the party, that Abram’s true colors begin to show . . .

Truth be told, I found this character to be one of the most frightening, frustrating, stubborn, and unlikeable dads I’ve encountered in literature, in quite some time. All that said, what’s, perhaps, most interesting about him is that he ISN’T a two-dimensional monster. The author allows the reader to see that, beneath all the bipolar temper tantrums, cloying manipulations, and the emotional assaults, Abram is a well-meaning guy, one who GENUINELY loves his family, but simply doesn’t know how to express that love in a way that doesn’t stifle them. And while that didn’t make me hate the character any less, it did make him seem more REAL to me.

In stark contrast to Abram is Asher, Jacob’s older brother, who’s strong love for, and desire to protect, his smaller, weaker brother, is admirable and refreshing. You don’t typically see this type of humanity portrayed in “Bad Boy Older Brother” types like Asher in literature. So, it was nice to see it here.

Asher comes across as a sort of unwilling (and ultimately ineffectual) hero in this story. He WANTS to rescue his brother from his father’s painful vice-like grip, but ultimately isn’t brave enough to do it, since that would mean re-entering the proverbial Lion’s Den, himself. Of all the characters in the book, I actually found Asher to be the most interesting and relatable. So much so, that I almost wish the narrator had chosen to write the story from his perspective, instead.

As for Jacob, like most first-person narrators, the author runs the risk here, of making the character amorphous and passive . . . someone that things HAPPEN to, rather than the other way around. Braff cleverly avoids this pitfall, by peppering the story with diary-esque “thank you notes” (You’ll understand, when you read it.), that delve deeper into Jacob’s psyche and personality than would otherwise be possible in a traditional narrative. It’s an effective storytelling tool that ends up being a bit overused by the author. However, for the most part, it works.

In addition to the story’s unique voice, “The Unthinkable Thoughts” is FUNNY. It’s very funny, in fact. And I found myself laughing out loud multiple times throughout the novel. Contrasted with these humorous moments were a few incredibly intense moments between Jacob and his father that affected me so deeply that they almost had me in tears. It takes a truly talented writer to be able to evoke such strong widely-ranging emotions in its reader. So, Braff definitely gets some major credit from me for that.

On a less positive note, I do wish the story had a BIT more structure. A unifying plot thread or two, would have undoubtedly made “The Unthinkable Thoughts” read more like a novel, and less like a series of mostly unrelated vignettes. Also, while the second to last chapter of the story was one of my favorites, the FINAL pages left me a bit cold. There are times when an author leaves an ending INTENTIONALLY vague, because that is what the story needs. There are other times when an author ends a story in a vague way, because he can’t figure out where to go next. I can’t help but wonder whether the latter scenario was what happened here . . .

Though uneven, and a bit frustrating at times, “The Unthinkable Thoughts” was a well-written, funny, and enjoyable read – one that featured rich, three-dimensional characters, and some beautifully heartbreaking moments. All in all, it was a commendable first effort from a new author, who definitely seems to have a bright future ahead of him . . .

[Mich · Rating 3 out of 5]

These are the first person irreverent, scatological, and mostly erotic thoughts of 11 and then 13 year old Jacob Green as he works his way through Hebrew school training for Bar Mitzvah. As a dyslexic student trying to survive his autocratic, demanding father he makes do with the help of his equally irrepressible older brother Asher. The jokes makes the reader chuckle and occasionally laugh out loud but don’t quite make up for the darkness of his father’s horrendous treatment of Jacob.