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Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed
For any woman dealing with the fallout of infidelity, this sensitive and practical guide offers proven tools to help you make wise and empowering decisions as you deal with your husband's sexual betrayal.If you have been devastated by your husband's sexual betrayal--whether an isolated incident or a long-term pattern of addiction--you don't have to live as a victim. If you choose to stay in your marriage, you have options other than punishing, tolerating, or ignoring your spouse; in fact, extraordinary growth awaits a woman willing to deal with the pain of her husband's struggles with sexual purity. Even if your spouse will not participate in a program for healing, you can change your own life in powerful and permanent ways.Shattered Vows is inspired by Debra Laaser's own journey through betrayal, her extensive work with hundreds of hurting women as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and her healed marriage after her husband's infidelity.In this book, she gives you the emotional tools to develop greater intimacy in your life, spiritual tools to transform your suffering, and meaningful answers to the questions that arise amid the complex fallout of brokenWhat am I supposed to do now?Why should I get help when this is his problem?How could this have happened?Where can I hide my heart?When will I stop feeling so out of control?What do you mean, "do I want to get well?"How can I ever trust him again?Is forgiving him really possible?How can we rebuild our relationship?The pain endured from sexual betrayal can break your heart, but it does not need to break your life.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 1, 2008
75 people are currently reading
116 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
March 13, 2021
Read this several years ago and it was very helpful during a really difficult time in my life. I’m rating it now so that I remember this book to recommend to anyone who may need it.
December 19, 2025
I read this book to help me prepare for my work as a couples therapist, but it is so much more than just healing from betrayal in marriage. This book supports healthy personal growth and development that can translate into any relationship. It addresses emotional health in a way that is practical and easy to understand. I highly recommend it and will definitely be re-reading it.
May 31, 2020
For anyone that has had their marriage ravaged by infidelity, you know that it is a devastating blow. It can take months to years to heal from a single affair, longer if their are repeat offenses or continued lying.
In the case of Debra Laaser, her marriage was rocked by the discovery of her husband's multiple sexual betrayals. Her husband lost his job and they entered a very difficult season of recovery and trust rebuilding. Now, they travel together all over the globe and tell other couples their story. They are an incredible example of the redemptive nature of Jesus Christ in a marriage.
I won't lie to you, some of this book is difficult to read. The concept of dealing with your own issues and pain can be frustrating when your heart has been broken by your spouse. However, there was one particular paragraph from Laaser's book that made me keep reading and pushing forward, On page 67 Debra writes,
The feelings won't just go away over time. Not thinking about your husband's sinful decisions won't make them magically disappear. Quickly forgiving your husband and "moving on" will only bury your feelings of anger and sadness- only to have them seep out at unexpected times down the road. The better choice is to go to any lengths to get the support you deserve so you can heal and thrive, not just survive.
This, to me, summarizes the entire book. Recovery from (physical/emotional/cyber) infidelity is incredibly hard and Debra Laaser walks the reader through the first steps with incredible grace.
In Shattered Vows, Debra tackles tough topics like:
-does marital sex prevent pornography use?
--sexually transmitted diseases
-the drip disclosure method
-healthy grieving
-slips and relapses
-and a whole lot more
Debra is honest, concise, and doesn't pander to the "the wife needs to stay in her lane" junk that is often passed around in moral/sexual purity discussion. She does delve a bit into the idea of "codependency", which I don't believe is a prevalent as many psychologists and counselors seem to think. However, that withstanding, this book is excellent and I strongly recommend it to anyone deal with marital (physical/emotional/cyber) infidelity. Overall I give Debra Laaser's book Shattered Vows a solid A+, and it is the first book I recommend to women dealing with marital infidelity.
In the case of Debra Laaser, her marriage was rocked by the discovery of her husband's multiple sexual betrayals. Her husband lost his job and they entered a very difficult season of recovery and trust rebuilding. Now, they travel together all over the globe and tell other couples their story. They are an incredible example of the redemptive nature of Jesus Christ in a marriage.
I won't lie to you, some of this book is difficult to read. The concept of dealing with your own issues and pain can be frustrating when your heart has been broken by your spouse. However, there was one particular paragraph from Laaser's book that made me keep reading and pushing forward, On page 67 Debra writes,
The feelings won't just go away over time. Not thinking about your husband's sinful decisions won't make them magically disappear. Quickly forgiving your husband and "moving on" will only bury your feelings of anger and sadness- only to have them seep out at unexpected times down the road. The better choice is to go to any lengths to get the support you deserve so you can heal and thrive, not just survive.
This, to me, summarizes the entire book. Recovery from (physical/emotional/cyber) infidelity is incredibly hard and Debra Laaser walks the reader through the first steps with incredible grace.
In Shattered Vows, Debra tackles tough topics like:
-does marital sex prevent pornography use?
--sexually transmitted diseases
-the drip disclosure method
-healthy grieving
-slips and relapses
-and a whole lot more
Debra is honest, concise, and doesn't pander to the "the wife needs to stay in her lane" junk that is often passed around in moral/sexual purity discussion. She does delve a bit into the idea of "codependency", which I don't believe is a prevalent as many psychologists and counselors seem to think. However, that withstanding, this book is excellent and I strongly recommend it to anyone deal with marital (physical/emotional/cyber) infidelity. Overall I give Debra Laaser's book Shattered Vows a solid A+, and it is the first book I recommend to women dealing with marital infidelity.
February 24, 2024
While there are some good things in here that I would highlight in counseling,this isn't a resource I would hand out to a woman looking for help dealing with sexual betrayal.
I felt the 'triage' was a little misguided (there was a lot of marriage advice that seemed like further-down-the-road topics) and there was an exorbitant amount of emphasis on the psychological aspect without any emphasis on God. A lot of 12 step methods, and 'Serenity Prayers' but not any clear focus on God and how that practically plays out in a couples recovery.
There is no Biblical foundation for three quarters of her marriage advice which I feel is a shame since it seems this is the audience the author is trying to reach. To establish a strong marriage there must be a look at the picture marriage was meant to be and the patterns given to us in the Bible. It's a shame none of this was even mentioned.
I still prefer Fred and Brenda Stoker's Every Heart Restored, which I feel is a better resource to hand to someone.
I felt the 'triage' was a little misguided (there was a lot of marriage advice that seemed like further-down-the-road topics) and there was an exorbitant amount of emphasis on the psychological aspect without any emphasis on God. A lot of 12 step methods, and 'Serenity Prayers' but not any clear focus on God and how that practically plays out in a couples recovery.
There is no Biblical foundation for three quarters of her marriage advice which I feel is a shame since it seems this is the audience the author is trying to reach. To establish a strong marriage there must be a look at the picture marriage was meant to be and the patterns given to us in the Bible. It's a shame none of this was even mentioned.
I still prefer Fred and Brenda Stoker's Every Heart Restored, which I feel is a better resource to hand to someone.
March 27, 2023
This is a decent book to read if you discover that your husband has engaged in sexual sin. It is very much written to Christian women and it will probably be too much Christianity if you don't consider yourself a Christian. My copy is quite highlighted. The author has experienced this herself and counseled many women in the same position. Honestly, I'm not entirely certain that her husband is fully repentant, so I have some qualms about the book.
I prefer the book Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Sheri Keffer. Dr. Keffer has a doctorate in marriage and family therapy and her book is rooted very solidly in science, particularly neuroscience. She is a pioneer in sexual betrayal trauma therapy. If you only have money for 1 book, buy that one for sure.
I wish that I had bought these books much sooner, but better late than never!
I prefer the book Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Sheri Keffer. Dr. Keffer has a doctorate in marriage and family therapy and her book is rooted very solidly in science, particularly neuroscience. She is a pioneer in sexual betrayal trauma therapy. If you only have money for 1 book, buy that one for sure.
I wish that I had bought these books much sooner, but better late than never!
July 23, 2017
A lifeline!
This book offers hope and healing for those who have experienced the heartbreak of sexual betrayal. I read this book after joining a support group that used the workbook Faithful and True Spouses. I cried my way through many of the chapters. It's not a surfacey book, but gets right into heart issues.
This book offers hope and healing for those who have experienced the heartbreak of sexual betrayal. I read this book after joining a support group that used the workbook Faithful and True Spouses. I cried my way through many of the chapters. It's not a surfacey book, but gets right into heart issues.
February 11, 2019
I wish I could have my time and money back...
July 28, 2020
Very good, I think I need to read this one again once I’m in a place of more hope. The place where her husband was is not my reality.
July 26, 2021
Another very insightful book that I found very helpful in healing after infidelity. It was a blessing I needed in this dark time.
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July 31, 2024Professional certification book
August 6, 2025
I 100% do not recommend this book.
December 11, 2014
While this book is full of common sense information for some of us (I was a social worker, so I'm pretty well versed in grief, trama, relationships), I found it to be a valuable source. It's accurate, validating, supportive, informative and also speaks to the Christian woman/couple. I would recommend this for anyone going through infidelity.
October 3, 2013
Very insightful self help to deal w/ the issue of infidelity.
August 21, 2014
Debbie gives great insight and help to women trapped in the cage with a partner struggling with sexual addiction. It helped me to hear the hurt from a third party. Book is well written.
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January 15, 2016Very good book for reflection of my recent divorce
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews