Things I've learned from Submarine (I planned to list 100, but I got tired of the game rather fast):
- you are a triskaidekaphobic if you are afraid of the number thirteen
- it's OK to spy on your parents in order to find out things about yourself ( I recently discovered that my mother has been typing the names of as-yet-uninvented mental conditions into Yahoo's search engine: 'delusion syndrome teenage', 'over-active imagination problem', 'holistic behavioural stabilizers'
- a nepenthe is something that helps you forget sorrow and suffering, like a bottle of poppers.
- sometimes it is important to skip school for an afternoon (this might be a nod to Ferris Bueller)
- cooking and love-making are, after all, interchangeable skills
- it is generally true that 15 years old are obsessed with sex ( I've discovered that masturbating in the darkness of my empty wardrobe is excellent, particularly because of that new-born feeling as you stumble back into the well-lit room. A kind of Narnia. )
- in related news : a parthenologist is a specialist in the study of virgins and virginity.
- love means that she's the only person I would allow to be shrunk to microscopic size and explore my body in a tiny submersible machine.
- every human eats six spiders a year while asleep.
- gross out humour is the number one entertainment for the younger generations : Out in the bay, the Cork ferry may look like civilization but it probably contains at least one person vomiting.
- paruresis is the fear of peeing in public places
- there's a place called Llanwrthwl somewhere in Wales. (and that's probably one of the easier to pronounce names from the country)
- people from Cardiff are closer to apes than the rest of the members of the human race.
- meditation is like a long bath
- an egregore is a kind of group mind which is created when people consciously come together for a common purpose.
- to exungulate means to trim or cut nails or hoofs.
- Car journeys are the frowning parentheses at the start and end of any good holiday. (this quote is actually one of the really good ones in the novel)
- syzygy means the alignment of three celestial objects.
Some of these may be made up words, but I didn't care enough one way or another to check up on them. Ollie, the 15 y.o. who writes in his journal all this stuff, is real keen on dictionaries and likes to show off to all and sundry how clever he is. He is, of course, also self-obssessed ( 'Why don't we talk about me?' ), a bully, sex-obsessed, hypochondriac, a self-serving liar, bored, eccentric and interesting in his own eyes, unnecessarily gross and annoying by the end of the story to me.
It's a generational thing I guess, and the fact that I don't appreciate the toilet humour, the vomiting and the farts and the general ickiness of the presentation makes me an old-fart in the eyes of the younger generation. I could make comparison between Submarine and such classics as The Catcher In The Rye, The Graduate, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Superbad. The novel aspires to such lofty ideals. Olliver is the Swansea translation of the angsty, smart, sensitive teenager who hides his vulnerability by lashing out at the people around him.
After the first couple of chapters, I was captivated by the humour and the style of presentation, but the story got old quite fast when I realized that's all there is to it - more style than substance and too much reliance on being shocking and trending (1990's Yuppie style). I believe there are some serious pacing issues and the novel goes on too long, especially for those readers who become disenchanted with the first person narrator. I saw the movie before reading the book, and the same thing happened there : I loved the first half hour, and then fell asleep when it kept going nowhere in the next five hours (I know the movie is shorter than that, but that's how it felt).
That's not to say other readers will not be more susceptible to the charms of Ollie and his brand of humour. I thought the girls in the book where well rendered, both the pyromaniac Jordana and the bullied Eve. I also think some of the issues of bullying in school, communication between generations and the way parent marital troubles reflect on the sanity of the children are worthy subjects of analysis. And I believe Joe Dunthorne has it in him to be a great modern writer. Here's a last quote to illustrate both that he can write, and what the book is all about:
This is theatre. It feels like this could be some clever extra scene from the play, and in a minute there's going to be a song about how lucky we all are to be young and beautiful and live in Swansea at the end of the less awful half of an absolute bum-out of a century.