Just reread this for the first time since these issues came out… still kind of hurts.
Ellis’ run was such a disappointment but it was hard at the time to pinpoint why, exactly. Part of it has to do with the M-day-San Fran status quo BS which were both horrible ideas, of course, ‘nuff said there, but the biggest issues are twofold, and I think enough time has past that they’re glaringly obvious.
1) Raison d’être. The book doesn’t feel like it has any reason to exist, it doesn’t feel important. Whedon’s book felt important and it was without a doubt the flagship from issue 1. Even if that wasn’t official, it would have been undeniable. The “raindrops” continuity and the lateness of the book screwed that up, but not entirely—and that’s really, really saying something. And I’m reading this out of context now of the contemporary wider line so it’s not just in comparison to the events unfolding in Uncanny and Legacy. Ellis has big ideas but they feel like side quests. The reason why this is remains a mystery to me. Maybe because the tone is so glib.
2) Characters. These X-Men are coming off as trying way too hard to be “astonishing.” They’re all “hotdogging,” showing off, and to boot with a smug attitude about it all. They come off like arrogant jerks who believe their own hype. They’re also behaving out of character in other ways. Scott and Logan and to an extent Storm and Armor are acting like they’re on Adderall. Seriously. Scott’s reaction to Beast’s dressing down, Logan whining about being treated like a kid, Storm and her jokes, Armor really feeling herself. Not to mention all the lovey-doveyness/hornball stuff. Worse, not only are they all constantly trying to impress, they’re all kissing each other’s mutie bums, too!
(RANT #1: SPEAKING OF THE OVERSEXED STUFF:
I’d be all for it, actually, if this were a mature book. But Armor is what? 13? And Emma Frost is joking that she’ll take her to the bondage store again, as in for a second time, because Armor would look good in that bondage gear they saw the first time she took her there? No. Nope. Although unfortunately this kind of thing does have precedence—way back in Uncanny X-Men 153, in the otherwise family-friendly Kitty’s Fairy Tale story, Kitty, also a 13yo, tells Colossus and his 5yo sister that she had a very “naughty” dream the night before. Walk outside and find a 13yo and a 5yo and think of that. And think of that line getting by so many pairs of eyes to even be published. And it’s not like it’s a unique incident of Claremont sexualizing this 13yo either. It’s all just weird, especially given Claremont’s bondage fetishism or BDSM interests or whatever. I feel gross writing this, lol, and weird because I’m big on sex, but I want it nowhere near kids, for crying out loud. When did this become controversial? Why can’t I go to a pride parade and ogle naked men without also seeing in my line of sight a screaming toddler being scarred for life? Ironically that oblivious toddler’s straight mother would call me a homophobe. Pride is for “queers” like her. She once owned an Ani DiFranco album in college, thank you very much!)
The best part of the book is the ending. The “out of the blue” villain—who’s been hating the X-Men and working for years behind the scenes for his big chance to kill them—calls them out, like a lot of communist critics have, for being privileged. Although Ellis immediately ruins his own point—the villain hates the X-Men because he, a literal mutant mutated due to atomic radiation, is ugly and doesn’t have superpowers while they do—except he is a billionaire because he was patenting insane inventions since he was a young ‘un. Almost like he had a “boy genius” superpower. Anyway, yes, the X-Men are “outcasts” but they’re gorgeous and they live in a mansion. Such a facile, petty argument. We get it. But there are plenty of ugly mutants, too. And the mansion is basically a prison for all they interact with the outside world and aside from Angel none of them have a dime to their names. And the “beautiful” criticism is just moot since comics is a visual medium. It’s only recently that the Overton window has been forced to include insane ideas like “everyone is beautiful.” That’s a farce, a lie, and that’s just the truth and no amount of campaigning will ever change that. Nobody wants to go the movies and watch two ugly people fall in love, nobody. Well, I suppose maybe this was Ellis’ answer to that “they hate us because we’re not outcast enough” argument. This was the late 2000s, after all, before anybody ever heard of any Oppression Olympics. A simpler time.
(RANT #2: THE CRITICS ARE BRAINDEAD
Funnily enough those very same communist critics never look in the mirror: of the billions of people who ever lived in the ENTIRE known universe the poorest, most “oppressed” westerner in the 21st century is still enjoying a privileged existence compared to the other 99%; the average project kid today might not have gold and castles but he has at his fingertips technology and amenities that kings and queens would have genocided for!)
It’s all a shame because there are some clever ideas and fun humor here (not the final bit of the final issue with Scott’s bomb of a joke and Brand’s over the top “I can’t believe he said that” reaction!!!), but Ellis, in trying to take Astonishing to the next level, took it to another level altogether. Underwhelming X-Men is still a frustrating read. Of the three Ellis arcs, to my mind, Xenogenesis works best because Andrews’ art is so wacky it fits with Ellis’ take, this book is the runner up, and Ghost Box is the weakest story for reasons I won’t get into here.
Astonishing X-Men stopped being astonishing right after Kitty Pryde got trapped in that (stupid but fun) giant bullet and it was only downhill from there. The title quickly devolved into the worst xbook since X-Men Unlimited and soon it was the hopeless book they let Marjorie Liu do…. whatever it is she does in her inimitably boring, soulless way. Talk about a book with no reason to exist. What was the remit of her time on the title? This is the xbook for bad fan fiction? Alas, we’ll always have the first two dozen issues.
(RANT #3: ALSO, SOMETHING THAT REALLY BUGGED ME ABOUT THIS BOOK I NEVER SAW ANYONE ELSE EVER MENTION:
Beast and Brand (ugh) are in the rescue and recovery plane and a big point is made that they don’t have any weapons as it’s just a rescue and recovery vehicle. They really make a big deal of hammering home that point. How’s Beast going to take down the huge organic sentinel then?!! With “science,” he says. (Yikes. As if weapons were magic.) And then he proceeds to fire “science,” I guess, in the form of what look exactly like a bunch of missiles that blow up when they hit their target. Not weapons? Just astonishingly weapon-like? Either this is an embarrassing miscommunication between artist and writer or one or both of them were blowing lines on the job. Crazy.
I think this was about the beginning of the time that some people in the real world starting treating science like magic. They watched a lot of pop science tv and read a lot of clickbait article titles about science, and suddenly science was on its way to becoming a religion. Now here we are all these years later and science is dogma. There’s no scientific method, theory and experiment and falsifying and reconfiguring, just: The Science. The be all and end all. It doesn’t change: it just is. And it always has been. Accept “the science” so you aren’t “anti-science.” Scary stuff. Dawkins and Hitchens could never have foreseen what tearing religion a new bumhole would lead to. People are hardwired to believe, now they just believe in another “infallible” institution except with this one there’s no separation between it and state so we will all face the consequences of their brainless preaching and proselytizing. All it takes is for one “influencer” to misread the results of a poorly designed study and make dramatic conclusions that go viral and become common “wisdom.” Scary, scary stuff. I liked it better when the average person on the street didn’t feel social pressure to be an expert on every discipline of science and politics, from global to local. They were probably happier then, too!)