What do you think?
Rate this book
That's My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character
Why are boys so different? Why would a trip to the garbage dump be such a highlight in a boy's life? What do boys need to learn in order to become good men?
A mother's influence on her sons is unique and valuable, but still sometimes moms don't understand what makes their boys tick. They want to help their sons grow up to become men of honor and integrity, but that's a tremendous challenge.
With refreshing honesty and a man's insight, author Rick Johnson offers the advice, understanding, and support every mom is looking for when it comes to raising godly sons. Using extensive research and humorous personal experiences, he addresses tough issues, such as communication, discipline, sexuality, and respect.
Mothers, including single moms as well as grandmothers and teachers, will find wise counsel and reassurance in this practical and helpful book.
A mother's influence on her sons is unique and valuable, but still sometimes moms don't understand what makes their boys tick. They want to help their sons grow up to become men of honor and integrity, but that's a tremendous challenge.
With refreshing honesty and a man's insight, author Rick Johnson offers the advice, understanding, and support every mom is looking for when it comes to raising godly sons. Using extensive research and humorous personal experiences, he addresses tough issues, such as communication, discipline, sexuality, and respect.
Mothers, including single moms as well as grandmothers and teachers, will find wise counsel and reassurance in this practical and helpful book.
192 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2005
99 people are currently reading
2141 people want to read
About the author
Rick Johnson
22 books67 followersRick founded Better Dads, a fathering skills program, based on the urgent need to empower men to lead and serve in their families and communities. Rick's books have expanded his work to include influencing the whole family, with life-changing insights for men and women on parenting, marriage, and personal growth. Inspiring and equipping through innovative multimedia presentations and seminars, Rick's resources, methods and personal approach have been transforming the lives of men, women, and their families for over 20 years.
Rick speaks at many large conferences across the US and Canada. He is a popular keynote speaker at men’s and women’s retreats and conferences on parenting and marriage.
He is a nationally recognized expert in several areas having been asked to deliver papers at venues such as the International Convention of Adult Children of Alcoholics, County of Los Angeles Child Abuse Prevention Conference and the State of New York Fatherhood Conference. Rick’s work with men and fathers was recognized when he was invited to the White House as part of the “Champions of Change” ceremony in 2012.
Prior to becoming a bestselling author and speaker, Rick was a small business owner for 16 years, owning and operating an environmental engineering firm. He attended George Fox University receiving a Bachelor of Arts degree in Management and Organizational Leadership, and has a Masters Degree in Education from Concordia University. He is a veteran of the United States Navy, has served on the Board of Directors for several community and business associations, and coaches high school basketball in his spare time. Rick has been featured in many national publications such as New Man Magazine, Crosswalk.com, Christianity.com, Christianity Today’s Men of Integrity, Relevant Magazine, Pentecostal Evangel, Thriving Family, and Proverbs 31 Ministries Magazine.
He is the bestselling author of twelve books and has appeared on over 300 radio programs and television shows around the United States and Canada. He is the former co-host of a live, weekly radio show and a frequent guest host of other local programs. Rick is actively involved with the men’s and family ministries as well as speaking from the pulpit at his church and various other churches.
Rick and his wife Suzanne have two adult children (one deceased) and is raising an adopted granddaughter having recently re-located to Texas.
You can find out more about Rick on his web site at www.betterdads.net .
Rick speaks at many large conferences across the US and Canada. He is a popular keynote speaker at men’s and women’s retreats and conferences on parenting and marriage.
He is a nationally recognized expert in several areas having been asked to deliver papers at venues such as the International Convention of Adult Children of Alcoholics, County of Los Angeles Child Abuse Prevention Conference and the State of New York Fatherhood Conference. Rick’s work with men and fathers was recognized when he was invited to the White House as part of the “Champions of Change” ceremony in 2012.
Prior to becoming a bestselling author and speaker, Rick was a small business owner for 16 years, owning and operating an environmental engineering firm. He attended George Fox University receiving a Bachelor of Arts degree in Management and Organizational Leadership, and has a Masters Degree in Education from Concordia University. He is a veteran of the United States Navy, has served on the Board of Directors for several community and business associations, and coaches high school basketball in his spare time. Rick has been featured in many national publications such as New Man Magazine, Crosswalk.com, Christianity.com, Christianity Today’s Men of Integrity, Relevant Magazine, Pentecostal Evangel, Thriving Family, and Proverbs 31 Ministries Magazine.
He is the bestselling author of twelve books and has appeared on over 300 radio programs and television shows around the United States and Canada. He is the former co-host of a live, weekly radio show and a frequent guest host of other local programs. Rick is actively involved with the men’s and family ministries as well as speaking from the pulpit at his church and various other churches.
Rick and his wife Suzanne have two adult children (one deceased) and is raising an adopted granddaughter having recently re-located to Texas.
You can find out more about Rick on his web site at www.betterdads.net .
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
December 26, 2011
Once again, I find myself wishing that Goodreads offered 1/2 stars. I found 4 stars to be a bit too much but it was definitely more than a 3 star book.
What did I like about this book? I loved that it was written by a man to assist MOM'S in raising their sons. The author had some really great ideas and experience in raising boys to become men of character. I liked his brutal honesty: mom's can't raise great men alone. The author stresses the point that boys need male mentors and role models. He stresses this in several places in the book and actually says that after prayer, this is the MOST important action point we can take - to find positive male role models for our boys and to nurture them.
I also loved that he provides a list of character qualities we should be looking to help instill in our boys. As a woman, I would not have thought to place as heavy an importance on some of these qualities, but the author does a decent job in explaining that these qualities are the foundation of great men. So I'm going to trust the author on this.
What I didn't like about the book? In many parts of the book, it read as though it were adapted from a keynote presentation - which often doesn't translate as effectively when put into book format. Parts of the book almost seemed disorganized.
One of my biggest complaints is the lack of practical suggestions on how to help our boys develop the qualities that he lists. For example, I was really interested in what ideas the author would suggest to develop humility (great job in explaining why he thinks humility is important) but no ideas were presented, other than to say that humility comes with maturity - so I was left hanging with the idea that humility is important to cultivate but no ideas on how to nurture that quality. Frustrating.
And finally, a very minor complaint: the list of suggested movies for boys is FIVE times as long as the list of suggested books for boys. This annoyed me, particularly since the author admitted that boys are often not as strong in reading as females are - however this book was intended for MOM's.. and so this clearly is an area that mom's can help their sons in... more book titles and less movies would have been appreciated.
Overall though, I enjoyed the read and have taken some great ideas out of it.
What did I like about this book? I loved that it was written by a man to assist MOM'S in raising their sons. The author had some really great ideas and experience in raising boys to become men of character. I liked his brutal honesty: mom's can't raise great men alone. The author stresses the point that boys need male mentors and role models. He stresses this in several places in the book and actually says that after prayer, this is the MOST important action point we can take - to find positive male role models for our boys and to nurture them.
I also loved that he provides a list of character qualities we should be looking to help instill in our boys. As a woman, I would not have thought to place as heavy an importance on some of these qualities, but the author does a decent job in explaining that these qualities are the foundation of great men. So I'm going to trust the author on this.
What I didn't like about the book? In many parts of the book, it read as though it were adapted from a keynote presentation - which often doesn't translate as effectively when put into book format. Parts of the book almost seemed disorganized.
One of my biggest complaints is the lack of practical suggestions on how to help our boys develop the qualities that he lists. For example, I was really interested in what ideas the author would suggest to develop humility (great job in explaining why he thinks humility is important) but no ideas were presented, other than to say that humility comes with maturity - so I was left hanging with the idea that humility is important to cultivate but no ideas on how to nurture that quality. Frustrating.
And finally, a very minor complaint: the list of suggested movies for boys is FIVE times as long as the list of suggested books for boys. This annoyed me, particularly since the author admitted that boys are often not as strong in reading as females are - however this book was intended for MOM's.. and so this clearly is an area that mom's can help their sons in... more book titles and less movies would have been appreciated.
Overall though, I enjoyed the read and have taken some great ideas out of it.
August 24, 2009
I agree with someone else who said that they didn't feel like they were the author's target audience. I feel like this may have been geared towards single moms while I am married, I don't feminize them (though I want them to be able to communicate with others, especially women since they will marry one) and encourage my boys to be "boys": to wrestle, play, run around, do loud boy things with their gun noises and I am in to way overprotective. While there is some insight in here, this is more or less one man's opinion and feelings, how he felt growing up, what he thinks boys need. It was a very quick read, and I did laugh out load at a few of his descriptions (they reminded me so much of my younger son - you have to read the Tarzan story) but I was expecting and hoping for a more in-depth study on how boys should be raised and their characters shaped. It isn't a bad book, it just felt more like an outline from one man's experiences and opinions than a "how-to". There are definitely better books out there for raising boys.
June 9, 2012
"Nothing great was ever accomplished be quitting. Push boys to strive to do great things. Give them a dream to look toward. Boys need dreams. Dream also give them hope-hope that they too can one day stand in the footsteps of men who have achieved greatness." p.63
"If he can't use self-control in one area of his life, he'll lack it in other areas as well." p.73
"Males need to move, especially when they are upset or when they are problem solving. They also need to think about their feelings before they can express them, unlike women who can think, feel, and talk all at the same time." p.94
"A child that is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone." p.110
"God bless loyal people-I love loyal people. People who will stick with you when all else is in turmoil. People who will still love you when all else is in turmoil. People who will still love you even when they know you. People who, despite your human failures, still believe in you. Those are the kind of people I want in my life." p.128
"If he can't use self-control in one area of his life, he'll lack it in other areas as well." p.73
"Males need to move, especially when they are upset or when they are problem solving. They also need to think about their feelings before they can express them, unlike women who can think, feel, and talk all at the same time." p.94
"A child that is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone." p.110
"God bless loyal people-I love loyal people. People who will stick with you when all else is in turmoil. People who will still love you when all else is in turmoil. People who will still love you even when they know you. People who, despite your human failures, still believe in you. Those are the kind of people I want in my life." p.128
April 30, 2010
So far, this book has done little but piss me off. The selling point on the book was that a male author was going to explain to me, a female reader, how to raise my son to be a man of charecter, yet the main message seems to be that a woman cannot possibly raise a boy on her own. Most of the ideas presented suggest that a boy absolutely must have a father figure present in order for that boy to learn anything or turn out okay. Luckily, I am confident in my mothering abilities and realize that this book is only one man's point of view.
August 9, 2010
Felt like I was being proselytized to. And don't agree with his stated belief that boys are better at math and science than girls by nature.
April 2, 2023
I read this book ironically and boy did it not disappoint. I ran out of sticky notes reading this book because there were so many pages where Johnson had used certain vocabulary or made statements that made me think, "yeah he wrote that, edited that, and still published it." I thought I would keep this short and sweet, but I am forced to document some of my favorite quotes. Oh no spoilers!!!!
"It's a bad time to be a boy in America. As the new millennium begins, the triumphant victory of our women's soccer team has come to symbolize the spirit of American girls. The defining event for boys is the shooting at Columbine High" (Page 39).
I think this happens to be my favorite. The author was kind enough to sketch out a chart of boy-friendly things to say in public, that being the mother. Listen up moms because this is good (in my opinion). Instead of saying "I love you" say "Great catch last night!". Seriously it is really awful to tell your son that you love them in, in, dare I say . . . PUBLIC?!?!?!? Anyways, there's more treats.
Instead of asking your son "does that hurt?" consider saying "you must be tough as nails!" and then the last one which honestly still makes me wonder where Johnson came up with this was instead of saying "why are you feeling bad?" consider saying "can you help me fix this?" (Page 55).
I am going to continue, I apologize. This quote felt like a micro-aggression towards women if I am being completely honest. He said "universities now require women's studies, which typically demonize masculine behavior" (page 56).
"A man is instantly aroused merely by the glimpse of a female body or parts thereof. That's why it is important for girls and women to understand the importance of how they dress" (page 68). Right. Of course. I could not agree more.
Last but certainly not least, I think this one was my favorite. "Young women who have been abandoned by their fathers often try to find the paternal love and attention they desperately require in the wrong places - like the backseat of a car" (page 162).
In all honesty I am a little shocked as to why he targeted this book towards single mothers. For one, women seem like the wrong audience for this book it seems written more for men. Also, I personally was offended many times reading this as a woman so not quite sure if I would use this as a guide to raise my human son. Way too many of the chapters just incorporated such heavy micro aggressions towards women and seemed to excuse men's poor behavior for masculinity. Dare I say this book smelt like toxic masculinity. But then again, what do I know, I am no man. Thank you Rick Johnson, me, myself, my peers, and especially my roommates have all had joyous laughs from the quotes I pulled out from this book.
Five stars because of the content. Ideally 0 stars for how the fug did this get published.
"It's a bad time to be a boy in America. As the new millennium begins, the triumphant victory of our women's soccer team has come to symbolize the spirit of American girls. The defining event for boys is the shooting at Columbine High" (Page 39).
I think this happens to be my favorite. The author was kind enough to sketch out a chart of boy-friendly things to say in public, that being the mother. Listen up moms because this is good (in my opinion). Instead of saying "I love you" say "Great catch last night!". Seriously it is really awful to tell your son that you love them in, in, dare I say . . . PUBLIC?!?!?!? Anyways, there's more treats.
Instead of asking your son "does that hurt?" consider saying "you must be tough as nails!" and then the last one which honestly still makes me wonder where Johnson came up with this was instead of saying "why are you feeling bad?" consider saying "can you help me fix this?" (Page 55).
I am going to continue, I apologize. This quote felt like a micro-aggression towards women if I am being completely honest. He said "universities now require women's studies, which typically demonize masculine behavior" (page 56).
"A man is instantly aroused merely by the glimpse of a female body or parts thereof. That's why it is important for girls and women to understand the importance of how they dress" (page 68). Right. Of course. I could not agree more.
Last but certainly not least, I think this one was my favorite. "Young women who have been abandoned by their fathers often try to find the paternal love and attention they desperately require in the wrong places - like the backseat of a car" (page 162).
In all honesty I am a little shocked as to why he targeted this book towards single mothers. For one, women seem like the wrong audience for this book it seems written more for men. Also, I personally was offended many times reading this as a woman so not quite sure if I would use this as a guide to raise my human son. Way too many of the chapters just incorporated such heavy micro aggressions towards women and seemed to excuse men's poor behavior for masculinity. Dare I say this book smelt like toxic masculinity. But then again, what do I know, I am no man. Thank you Rick Johnson, me, myself, my peers, and especially my roommates have all had joyous laughs from the quotes I pulled out from this book.
Five stars because of the content. Ideally 0 stars for how the fug did this get published.
September 23, 2022
Good book on raising boys.
November 3, 2009
This book was a good general, run of the mill book about raising boys. However, I had a major problem with the author, I didn't trust him. Rick Johnson is not a religious leader, a teacher, a counselor, or any other professional occupation that has studied or experienced lots of interaction with boys. While he WAS a boy himself and IS a father now, and works with other men, I found myself constantly questioning his credentials. The book didn't have alot of statistics or studies to back up his advice. In fact, Rick Johnson mostly gave personal examples (which I enjoyed) and quoted other people.
So now, I don't feel I am much better off having read this book because in the back of my mind I am uncertain of all of his advice. There were some ideas and examples that struck a chord in me and I plan on implementing. However, the rest of the book probably won't help me.
So now, I don't feel I am much better off having read this book because in the back of my mind I am uncertain of all of his advice. There were some ideas and examples that struck a chord in me and I plan on implementing. However, the rest of the book probably won't help me.
March 10, 2010
Really, just OK. I was expecting some specific insights on mother-son relationships, but really anything here is for parents in general. Some anecdotes didn't seem too relevant to the point at hand, and the bulk of the book was a checklist of things that should be taught to boys without a whole lot of guidance on ways it might be done. Overall, it's a needed topic and a good concept, but didn't really meet my expectations. It also seems to be targeted to single moms as an inspiration to them, which I think is really vital, but much of the advice also seems to be "find a good male role model for your boy." Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not so helpful to a single mom trying to raise boys while making a living and overcoming her own personal heartaches and frustrations.
August 7, 2013
While I don't regret reading this book, I feel like it was a bit of a waste of time. I didn't read anything that I hadn't already been taught or heard in any gender conversation. I felt like it was really geared towards single moms. I was hoping for some practical things to do with my son, but I finished the book with nothing. It was more of a background about boys then "here, try this". Disappointing, but helpful if you feel like you really don't understand boys. The one point that I really agreed with was the point that society these days is feminizing boys and making all those things that makes boys special, unimportant. Boys and girls are different and they should behave that way. I support the author in writing the book and I hope that a lot of people read it.
January 28, 2017
Overall, this book rehashed a lot of things you can read in other books such as "Wild at Heart" or Dobson's "Raising Boys." His is shorter and an easier read. His target audience is single moms, and he spends a lot of time saying boys need male role models, which I think could discourage a single mom.
Saying all that, I did find some helpful things in the book. His chapter on communicating with boys was especially good. He also pointed out specific character traits to instill in boys.
Saying all that, I did find some helpful things in the book. His chapter on communicating with boys was especially good. He also pointed out specific character traits to instill in boys.
October 24, 2019
Being a single mother I had higher hopes for this book. I did learn some things about how the male brain operates but he speaks mostly from a married father stand point. I would have liked more ideas and tips on how to relate to my son and raise him to be a godly man. This book doesn't write much about God.
May 22, 2009
I debated giving this only one star. Not my cup of tea, but then again, I don't think I'm Rick Johnson's target audience. I mean, I don't think I am over-protective and I let and even encourage James to rough-house, but that's not the same as thinking toy guns and shoving are okay.
February 19, 2013
This book really helped me to understand my boys better. It was insightful and inspiring.
August 11, 2013
Actually written for single mothers raising sons, this has major amounts of good information for anyone, information and direction that are badly needed in the world today.
January 28, 2025
I picked this book up at Goodwill for cheap and although I didn't necessarily agree with some of his opinions and religious comments, I figured I'd give it a chance to get a different viewpoint. Let's just say, it was really tough finishing it. Some parts were okay but I kept hoping it would change or get better and it just got worse and worse. It was extremely religious but that isn't even what turned me off - as a spiritual person, I can see the good in religion if presented in a healthy way but WOW, this was a lot. Most of the book was his own opinion on how to be a good man when he clearly has a whole lot of trauma of his own that he hasn't healed. Let's just say the entire theme of the book is him quoting other authors or stating facts like "data confirms that reinforcement is more beneficial than punishment but here's why I still think you should still punish your son". UM? I think at one point he talks about how men are angry and are born that way but then later says it's a secondary emotion because boys are told not to express any other emotions growing up ... AS HE IS LITERALLY saying men are "soft" and "passive" nowadays and need to toughen up, lol which is it? It's so strange and contradicting. He had absolutely no clue what he was talking about and only reflected back on his own kids, religion and the few women from his church that read his book before publishing. I'm surprised that there are women who actually read this and trust this man's opinion over their own gut & think this book is useful in parenting their sons. Ultimately, this book is about a white religious male trying to tell single mothers (while inadvertently shaming them the entire time) that their sons will be nothing without a man in their life & how to raise sons to be pompous, religious, angry men who believe they are the best thing this world has to offer ... sprinkling religion into it so it sounds good and kind & not contracting and absolutely insane.
July 12, 2021
This was a very good book to read, especially when you feel overwhelmed with raising your son to be a good person. He was very thorough about how boys tick and how they are naturally wired. I loved how at the beginning of the book, he talked about Sparta, and how Leonidas chose the 300 men to fight the Persians based on their mothers. I thought that was an interesting fact. The only thing I would have to disagree on, is when the author talks about the certain movies your son can watch that has a strong leading male in the story. While most of the movie suggestions are good, there was one I had to disagree with. (The movie 'Signs', with Mel Gibson as the main male character.) I truly enjoyed that movie, but the father lost his faith for a while after his wife passed. And while he is human and we all make mistakes and struggle, I didn't think that was a good example to pass down to kids.
May 22, 2020
This book is supposed to be written for moms to raise men of character and to help them understand a boy/man's way of thinking and point of view. However, it just went on and on about how a boy needs a man in his life to teach him all these characteristics, which I don't disagree with too an extent but, I don't see how that is helpful to any mom, married or single. If she can't be the one to help raise a boy to become a man of character, why is this the chosen title for this book? I don't disagree with most of the messages or values written about but it is more or less one man's opinion on how boys should be raised.
September 23, 2020
I liked the book. It had a lot of ideas but I did not agree with all of them. Still I will try them out and see what happens. I let my son read the book too and he liked the idea of a new approach to parenting by a single mom. He seemed to like all the ideas but found some to be unworkable in our circumstances. I do believe his character has already improved just by reading the book. So we will keep working on the rest.
December 15, 2017
Great resource for moms to learn the internal differences of boys and the importance of having positive male mentors in their lives.
Notes for values to actively instill in all my children:
Perseverance
Loyalty
Manners
Courage
Compassion
Self-Discipline & Self-Control
Dependability
Honesty
Humility
Trustworthiness
Honor
Notes for values to actively instill in all my children:
Perseverance
Loyalty
Manners
Courage
Compassion
Self-Discipline & Self-Control
Dependability
Honesty
Humility
Trustworthiness
Honor
February 1, 2022
While it was an ok book there are definitely better options out there. While there was some good information, it seemed all the really good quotes were pulled from other books. There also were a few sections that were very broad stereotypes applied without much to back it up. I highly recommend the books by David Thomas for mamas looking for wisdom in raising their boys.
June 22, 2020
If I could I'd give this half of a star. Yes, there are differences between boys and girls but this author seems to be intimidated by strong women. It's a pathetic attempt to fuel the non-existent "war on boys". Men like this do not understand the women's movement, and are clouded in privilege. Don't waste your time.
November 22, 2017
Meh. Maybe it deserves more than one star. I did not actually throw it across the room like I did with Dobson's book. So. 1.5 stars? 😝
April 9, 2018
Interesting book. Of course I didn't agree with everything he discussed. Overall it was an insightful read.
June 7, 2018
There was a lot that I disagreed with, but there were also some very good and vital reminders.
June 21, 2018
Great perspective for moms of a boy or boys, we think different men and women it’s no different for boys (they are just little men) I loved this book!
February 28, 2019
Good quick read with some insight on how boys think and how to best communicate with them. Spoiler alert: Don't lecture..... :)
March 24, 2019
This was a very interesting read. I don't normally read "self-help" books, but raising a boy is proving to be a little challenging. I ended up soaking up the information like a sponge.
May 5, 2020
Did not finish. Terrible book for advice. It's more for single moms and not moms with husbands who are temporarily away. Super lame. Basically we can't raise strong boys without men.
January 28, 2024
Super helpful for understanding my little dudes a bit better.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews