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Stay Close: A Mother's Story of Her Son's Addiction
Libby Cataldi was the head of a private school and prided herself on being attuned to the problems her students endured. So how was it that she missed her own son Jeff's descent into addiction, even as he escalated to more and more dangerous drugs? How did Jeff, a loving brother and son, and a star athlete, start using in the first place? And how could Libby help him without risking the rest of her family?
"Stagli vicino", an Italian recovering addict told the author. "Stay close―never leave him, even when he is most unlovable." This is not a book about how to save a child. It is a book about what it means to stay close to a loved one gripped by addiction. It is about one son who came home and one mother who never gave up hope.
Stay Close is one mother's tough, honest, and intimate tale that chronicles her son's severe drug addiction, as it corroded all relationships from the inside out. It is a story of deep trauma and deep despair, but also of deep hope―and healing.
He told her, "Mom, never quit believing." And she didn't.
"Stagli vicino", an Italian recovering addict told the author. "Stay close―never leave him, even when he is most unlovable." This is not a book about how to save a child. It is a book about what it means to stay close to a loved one gripped by addiction. It is about one son who came home and one mother who never gave up hope.
Stay Close is one mother's tough, honest, and intimate tale that chronicles her son's severe drug addiction, as it corroded all relationships from the inside out. It is a story of deep trauma and deep despair, but also of deep hope―and healing.
He told her, "Mom, never quit believing." And she didn't.
320 pages, Paperback
First published April 28, 2009
34 people are currently reading
363 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
April 2, 2014
This story is all too familiar to any
parent who has had to deal with the
addiction problems of one's own child.
It is about the love that prevails in
spite of the despair and sorrow that
a parent suffers not knowing what
to do in order to save a child's life.
No real solution for addiction is given,
but the author's son does recover and
allows the healing of the whole family.
It is a story of love and hope that may
offer strength and comfort to those who
live their lives with similar painful
experiences. Stagli vicino , a
recovered Italian addict once told the
author, "Stay close" even when he is most
unlovable.
parent who has had to deal with the
addiction problems of one's own child.
It is about the love that prevails in
spite of the despair and sorrow that
a parent suffers not knowing what
to do in order to save a child's life.
No real solution for addiction is given,
but the author's son does recover and
allows the healing of the whole family.
It is a story of love and hope that may
offer strength and comfort to those who
live their lives with similar painful
experiences. Stagli vicino , a
recovered Italian addict once told the
author, "Stay close" even when he is most
unlovable.
April 18, 2017
As the mother of an addicted son, I connected immediately to this powerful memoir where Cataldi shares the story of her son, Jeff’s, valiant struggle to recover from severe drug addiction from her point of view. The heartache of watching a son descend into addiction is palpable and connected me to my own story.
With raw honesty, graphic detail, and believability, Cataldi takes us through her many attempts to save him, until she comes to the realization that until Jeff decides to quit, her loving attempts to care for her son are unsuccessful. It is through her journey that we see the heart-wrenching and agonizing choices parents of addicts must face. We also learn Jeff’s side of the story through his own entries and see the hold addiction has on a person’s life.
Parents of addicts are often admonished to let go of their child when they are in active addiction. However, Cataldi heeds the advice of an Italian recovering addict to “stay close—never leave him, even when he is most unlovable”. She learns how to set healthier boundaries with Jeff while finding ways to take care of herself.
Although every addiction story is unique, Libby’s and Jeff’s story provides a wellspring of hope and inspiration to those struggling with addiction. It is a story of love, courage and healing in the face of the relentless, cunning beast of addiction. That recovery is possible, despite all odds, is perhaps the book’s most important message.
I highly recommend this gripping memoir to any one affected by addiction as well as to those who serve the addicted population
With raw honesty, graphic detail, and believability, Cataldi takes us through her many attempts to save him, until she comes to the realization that until Jeff decides to quit, her loving attempts to care for her son are unsuccessful. It is through her journey that we see the heart-wrenching and agonizing choices parents of addicts must face. We also learn Jeff’s side of the story through his own entries and see the hold addiction has on a person’s life.
Parents of addicts are often admonished to let go of their child when they are in active addiction. However, Cataldi heeds the advice of an Italian recovering addict to “stay close—never leave him, even when he is most unlovable”. She learns how to set healthier boundaries with Jeff while finding ways to take care of herself.
Although every addiction story is unique, Libby’s and Jeff’s story provides a wellspring of hope and inspiration to those struggling with addiction. It is a story of love, courage and healing in the face of the relentless, cunning beast of addiction. That recovery is possible, despite all odds, is perhaps the book’s most important message.
I highly recommend this gripping memoir to any one affected by addiction as well as to those who serve the addicted population
November 21, 2023
A very cathartic read on a mother and son’s relationship throughout the years whilst dealing with his extensive dug abuse. I personally resonated with the mother’s feelings of guilt and enabling attitudes, yet found comfort in her strength, resilience, and love for her son. A very good read.
September 1, 2018
Great messages and dry brutal honesty. Eye opening at points. Could not stand the author/mother (in either role) so I had to take multiple stabs at finishing. Seems to be the case with a lot of these books, unfortunately.
December 8, 2010
Heartwrenching, Educational & Hopeful.
June 20, 2015
A true story of the author's son's struggle with drug addiction. I feel bad to rate it so low, because it truly is an amazing story. However, I have read a lot of books on the same topic, and this one just paled in comparison writing-wise. I think my problem was with the author herself - it's not my place to judge a mother, and I'm sure it was extremely hard to cope in her situation...but she kept jetting off to Italy at really inopportune moments. It bothered me.
October 26, 2010
Heart wrenching story by a mother of an addict son. A helpful and hopeful book for anyone who loves an addict!
July 24, 2011
Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! This book is exactly what I needed after my son's relapse.
Read
October 17, 2024impossible for me to rate or review. I'm not sorry I read it.
quotes to remember from the book:
"The fire that had once been in my son, the desire, the passion to be alive, was being suffocated by the drugs that took him into places so distant from me that I couldn't communicate with him."
long passage:
"Addicts know how to live in addiction--in chaos, with court systems and legal problems. They know how to lie, deceive, and manipulate. What they need to learn how to do is live a transparent life--how to live clean and honest, how to live with serenity. Everyday problems present difficulties for the addict , since the addict spent most of his life going under, finding comfort in the euphoria of drugs. This euphoria is predictable, and the addict is sure that the feeling is there for him, just waiting. It happens every time. Not like reality, where things are never the same. Like a kiss. In reality a kiss, even with the same person, feels different, sometimes disappoints. The euphoria from dugs never disappoints. THAT feeling is incredible. The problem is that the euphoria doesn't last and is followed by real destruction. The consequences of the addiction then become the reality. The mind wants the euphoria, but the memory of the consequences needs to screen out and stop the addict at the initial step.
Dr MacAfee also said that grief would come to Jeff, a period when he would grieve for all the lost time, the years gone by, the people hurt, the trail of destruction. He said, 'The grief will overtake you, Jeff, and it will be hard. But it's also a sweet time. Savor it.'
I was beginning to understand in theory, and in my son's life what Dr MacAfee was teaching me: Addiction is the loss of self and that the recovery of self is a transformative process. In a way, everything was new to Jeff as he reentered life without drugs. Recovery offered Jeff the freedom to rediscover his identity and, in time, a real and authentic young man would emerge. This he would have to do alone, and I realized more clearly the enormity of the fight that Jeff had to face in order to win this battle. His would be a victory that he would have to win for himself."
"Jeff finds hope in his daily choice of sobriety because each choice, one day at a time, signifies that he earns the right to choose again--and again, and again. There's freedom in choice."
quotes to remember from the book:
"The fire that had once been in my son, the desire, the passion to be alive, was being suffocated by the drugs that took him into places so distant from me that I couldn't communicate with him."
long passage:
"Addicts know how to live in addiction--in chaos, with court systems and legal problems. They know how to lie, deceive, and manipulate. What they need to learn how to do is live a transparent life--how to live clean and honest, how to live with serenity. Everyday problems present difficulties for the addict , since the addict spent most of his life going under, finding comfort in the euphoria of drugs. This euphoria is predictable, and the addict is sure that the feeling is there for him, just waiting. It happens every time. Not like reality, where things are never the same. Like a kiss. In reality a kiss, even with the same person, feels different, sometimes disappoints. The euphoria from dugs never disappoints. THAT feeling is incredible. The problem is that the euphoria doesn't last and is followed by real destruction. The consequences of the addiction then become the reality. The mind wants the euphoria, but the memory of the consequences needs to screen out and stop the addict at the initial step.
Dr MacAfee also said that grief would come to Jeff, a period when he would grieve for all the lost time, the years gone by, the people hurt, the trail of destruction. He said, 'The grief will overtake you, Jeff, and it will be hard. But it's also a sweet time. Savor it.'
I was beginning to understand in theory, and in my son's life what Dr MacAfee was teaching me: Addiction is the loss of self and that the recovery of self is a transformative process. In a way, everything was new to Jeff as he reentered life without drugs. Recovery offered Jeff the freedom to rediscover his identity and, in time, a real and authentic young man would emerge. This he would have to do alone, and I realized more clearly the enormity of the fight that Jeff had to face in order to win this battle. His would be a victory that he would have to win for himself."
"Jeff finds hope in his daily choice of sobriety because each choice, one day at a time, signifies that he earns the right to choose again--and again, and again. There's freedom in choice."
June 11, 2023
I read this book twice. It is that good. It’s strange that it is not as popular as “A beautiful boy” because it’s that good if not better. I’m sure I will read this book again after some time. The entire book is just mesmerizing and so well-written. It’s very powerful how she includes the voices of Jeff and Jeremy within it as well as her journal. Her writing style is humble and I appreciated that. I also really enjoyed reading about Italy. Just a thoroughly wonderful read.
March 19, 2024
This book had me interested from the start. Being an addict myself, I felt as though this gave a very real look into the life of drugs. I particularly liked how she later on went back and asked Jeremy and Jeff about thought, feelings and events from the past to add into the book.
April 18, 2022
Tough read. Recommend only to those who are prepared for a deep dive into substance abuse.
July 10, 2022
The combination of reflection with journal entries makes this an especially moving and honest memoir.
July 27, 2014
As a child, I witnessed all manner of adult F-ups. (I started to write screw-ups, but these mistakes I'm thinking of were life-changing.) Perhaps more than most young people, I weighed my own actions based on what I had seen befall those nearest and dearest. While I certainly made my own mistakes, they were not repeats; they were originals. I did not get pregnant by accident--repeatedly--for instance. Assertions that we all have to learn the hard way are quite simply wrong. Which is why I appreciate Libby Catadi's memoir, Stay Close. She details the harrowing history of her oldest son's drug addictions in enough detail, with sufficient honesty, that I felt I could learn a little something from the account. Thank you, Libby, for your ultimately uplifting story.
March 16, 2012
This harrowing account of a son's addiction, told by his mother, is deeply moving and a must read for parents of addicts. Often repetitive but devastatingly honest, the book probes the mysteries of addictive behavior and its toxic effects on the family of an addict. However, it offers a strong note of hope in describing the agony of recovery and the continuing battle against relapses. The book concludes with a helpful afterword by the psychiatrist that treated the son. Parents of addicts will recognize parallels and will be heartened by the happy ending of this story. However, they will also be shocked by the gruesome detail and by the fact that the addict in question was lucky not to die.
January 9, 2020
While I can definitely empathize with what this mother and her family went through in trying to deal with her son’s addiction, I did not care much for the writing in this book at all. It seemed very impersonal to me, even though I’ve lived much of the same story myself. It felt, too me, too much like just reporting the facts and not enough of the emotions involved.
I am sure it was cathartic for her to write their story, and it will probably help many who are going or have gone through the same situation. However, my advice would be to also read “Beautiful Boy” by David Sheff, which resonated with me.
I am sure it was cathartic for her to write their story, and it will probably help many who are going or have gone through the same situation. However, my advice would be to also read “Beautiful Boy” by David Sheff, which resonated with me.
June 21, 2013
All over this country every day, families that look just like yours and mine shoulder the quiet, terrible pain of living with a loved one battling an addiction. Libby Cataldi’s Stay Close is an honest, stomach-churning account of her son’s drug problems and the steps, both for better and for worse, that her family took to help him. This book is both beautifully written and difficult to read, but it is a must for anyone who works with young people, and for the innumerable amount of loved ones who’ve been affected by a family member’s addiction.
November 28, 2013
This is an inspirational book because it must have taken so much courage to write - having met Libby she explained how various initial attempts which didn't get so close to the knuckle were rejected and she really had to lay bear her pain and sense of guilt - as she put it -"strip off the layer of cellophane" -to write this book.
I am not a mother so I cant know how scary her situation was but I can certainly share her pain through this book.
It is a must read for anyone who is dealing with a loved one with an addiction.
I am not a mother so I cant know how scary her situation was but I can certainly share her pain through this book.
It is a must read for anyone who is dealing with a loved one with an addiction.
September 19, 2011
I enjoyed this book. The author struggles with her son as he walks through addiction. She is torn regarding her level of involvement. I will definitely recommend this to clients' families who are struggling with the same issues. I really liked that Jeff (the self-proclaimed addict) gets a voice in the novel, as well as his brother Jeremy.
February 12, 2015
I couldn't get into this book. Maybe because it's written from the mother and I was looking more for a story of the addict themselves to fully try n understand the things they go through and their thought process. It seemed long and drawn out to me. I read a couple chapters but just couldn't get into it.
October 10, 2014
This was the best book I've read yet on the subject of addiction and its effects on the addict and his/her family. God Bless anyone and everyone who suffers with or loves someone who suffers with this most terrible disease.
February 4, 2015
I really hoped I'd enjoy this book. Unfortunately I couldn't get past the third chapter. I felt like it was too dry to keep my interest. I usually like reading about true stories but this one just left me struggling to stay focused. I must say it was a big disappointment.
April 2, 2015
This is powerful book written by a brave mom and the tough choices she had to make so her son would live. It is a book I couldn't put down. It was emotionally powerful but, I needed to read it and get information for what I have gone through with family members.
Want to read
May 19, 2009As heard on Midday on WYPR.
Read
December 7, 2010Heartbreaking but beautifully written and loving.
June 21, 2011
An absolute must read for anyone dealing with an addict.
I read this book about 3 years ago and am getting ready to re-read it, I thought it was that good.
I read this book about 3 years ago and am getting ready to re-read it, I thought it was that good.
December 22, 2012
Most beautiful book. If you know someone or is someone struggling with drug addiction, please read this.
July 9, 2013
Good read if you know of someone struggling with any type of addiction.
February 7, 2016
Another well told story of a child's addiction. This one told from a mother's perspective
April 9, 2016
this book has helped me so much.... thank you Libby
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews