Why Forgive?

by Johann Christoph Arnold, Steven McDonald (Forward)

In Why Forgive? Arnold lets the untidy experiences of ordinary people speak for themselves--people who have earned the right to talk about forgiving.

Some of these stories deal with violent crime, betrayal, abuse, hate, gang warfare, and genocide. Others address everyday hurts: the wounds caused by backbiting, gossip, conflicts in the home, and tensions in the workplace. The book also tackles what can be the biggest challenge: forgiving ourselves.

These people, who have overcome the cancer of bitterness and hatred, can help you unleash the healing power of forgiveness in your own life.

Why Forgive? Read these stories and decide for yourself.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Spirituality, Personal Development, Relationships, Self Help

162 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2000

About the author

People have come to expect sound advice from Johann Christoph Arnold, an award-winning author with over two million copies of his twelve books in print in more than twenty languages. A noted speaker and writer on marriage, parenting, and end-of-life issues, Arnold was a senior pastor of the Bruderhof, a movement of Christian communities, until his death in April 2017.

Arnold’s message was shaped by encounters with great peacemakers such as Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Dorothy Day, César Chavez, and John Paul II. Together with paralyzed police officer Steven McDonald, Arnold started the Breaking the Cycle program, working with students at hundreds of public high schools to promote reconciliation through forgiveness. This work also brought him to conflict zones from Northern Ireland to Rwanda to the Middle East. Closer to home, he served as chaplain for the local sheriff’s department.

Born in Great Britain in 1940 to German refugees, Arnold spent his boyhood years in South America, where his parents found asylum during the war; he immigrated to the United States in 1955. He and his wife, Verena, have eight children and many grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Reviews

[Nojoud]

وَلْيَعْفُواْ وَلْيَصْفَحُواْ أَلاَ تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ الله لَكُمْ
........ ......... ..........
مسكين قلبك لايقوى لا يتحمل
أن يبقى في ضيق خصام لا لن يقدر
فطرتك تنادي بصفاء مهما يحصل
سامح واصفح أنت الرابح وغداً تؤجر
سامح.. أنت الرابح ...
سامح واصفح واغفر واعفو قدرك يعلو .. قلبك يصفو
سامح وتعايش كي نرقى كي نصبح مجتمعاً أقوى ...
كن يداً بالخير تمتد وهدى بالحب يسعد
كن لجرح القلب بلسم وانشر الخير تبسم ..
اطلق العفو ودعه يتكلم ...
........ ......... ..........
لن تستطيع أن تمﻷ قلبك بالمحبة وحب الحياة...
إن لم تفرغه قبلا من مشاعر الكراهية والحقد والبغض ..
إن لم تسامح اﻵخرين ومن أعماق قلبك ..
إن لم تخرج غضبك وحقدك خارجا ..
ستبقى مشاعر الكره تقيدك وتكبلك وتجعلك أسيرا لها ... ومجروحا إلى اﻷبد ..
ستشتاق نفسك للتصالح والغفران ... ساعدها، وسامح ...
لتخرج أفضل مابداخلك ولتعيد تواصلك مع ذاتك الداخلية الحقيقة.. عندها ستتحرر من الماضي وتصبح أقوى ..
ستحصل على قوة جديدة لتداوم في محبة الحياة ..
........ ........ .........
ركز على أخطاءك وأفعالك .. ركز مع نفسك أكثر، وانظر بإمعان لعيوبك وسامح نفسك أولا ...
وأيضا اطلب الصفح من اﻵخرين وحاول أن ترى الخلاف من منظورهم لتفهم ولو قليلا بعضا من تصرفاتهم وإن لم تستطع فهذا لايهم ...
المهم أن تسامح..
وأن تسامح حتى ولو لم ترى بعينيك كفتي الميزان متعادلتين..
العفو هو أن ترى ذنب المذنب أمامك بكامل قبحه ومع ذلك تفغر له... لا أن تصبح " درويشا وسادجا " فالعفو لا يزيل قباحة الخطأ أو الذنب عن فاعله.. هو فقط تطهير من المشاعر السلبية داخلك ...
"إن الخلافات التي يكون فيها طرف واحد على حق معددوة ففي كبريائنا لانرى غير أخطاء اﻵخرين ونتعافى عن أخطائنا" ... إن لم نتعلم الصدق مع النفس وتحمل مسوؤلية أفعالنا فلن نقدر على الغفران للاخرين..
....... ......... ........
ادع الله من قلبك أن يساعدك على الغفران .. أغلب من مروا بتجارب الغفران يقولون أنه منحة إلهية وعون من ربهم ..
....... ....... .........
الكتاب مقسم إلى عدة فصول ..
استغربت بالبداية الفصل المعنون ب "الغفران لله" ..ومن ثم فهمته على أنه التصالح مع الواقع والرضا بما منحك الله إياه وعدم السخط ...
وأيضا فصل المعنون ب "الغفران للذات" يذكر قصص عن أناس جلدوه أنفسهم ولم يستطيعوه أن يغفروا لها ...
سامح نفسك وتفهمها لتقوى على الحياة ..
لا تغدر بنفسك و تحرمها الغفران ... أنت اﻷقرب واﻷكثر فهما لذاتك .. كيف لا تسامحها وتتقبل نقصها وخطئها ..
إن لم تفعله أنت فمن سيفعل ذلك عنك ؟؟!

الكتاب جمييل جدا وسأظل أذكر الكثييير من القصص المثيرة التي ذكرت فيه ..
لكن عندي بعض التحفظات على بعض الفصول ... كالفصل الذي يتحدث فيه الكاتب عن أهمية صكوك الغفران_الكتاب يحكي عن أشخاص من مجمتع برودرهوف المسيحي مروا بتجارب الغفران _ وأن الشخص إن لم يعترف لراهب بأخطائه فإنه فقط يميت روحه.. ولا يفغر لها... !!!

كتاب في وقته المناسب لي .. :)

حرر نفسك .. اطلق روحك .. عش بسلام ..
(((((سامح))))) ♡♡

[Janan Abd elkhalik · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing , I think that every mad and hatred person should read this book so he can learn how much forgiving is important . Forgiveness gives the heart a chance to rest and gives the mind peace . I quote from this book " in my experience , the strongest motivation for forgiveness is always the sense of having received forgiveness ourselves, or - we do not have that - an awareness that , like everyone else in the human race we are imperfect and have done things we need to be forgiven for " . To forgive is to be stronger to let go of hatred and anger and live our life happy and successful.

[Overbooked ✎ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a deep admiration for victims of violent crimes who found in the hearts a way to forgive the people responsible for hurting them. I don’t know if I would be able to do what they did and I pray to never be in a position to be tested like them have been. To forgive is something I can only aspire to be able to do. 3.5 stars

You’ll find that when you forgive, you’re always a winner. You don’t lose a thing. Because it’s not a sign of weakness to love somebody who hurts you. It’s a sign of strength.

No amount of punishment could ever even the score. I had to be willing to forgive without the score being even.

In the end we won’t have to answer for what others do to us – only for what we do to them.

It’s taken me such a long time to get over the feeling of having been used. A long time. But I have gotten over it. I don’t think he’ll ever be worthy of my forgiveness. Still, I can carry my burdens a whole lot easier now, than when I had to carry my anger around as well.

[Elliot Chalom · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't realize that this book would be so grounded in religion, which was a bit of a disappointment. (Not that I have anything against any religion per se, it just wasn't exactly what I was looking for.) Nevertheless, the messages conveyed by the author transcend any particular faith, and therefore there is a lot to take away from "Why Forgive?" Ultimately, the book isn't very deep; there aren't complex discussions of the psychology of remorse or forgiveness. It's filled with stories of (and often directly told by) people who were hurt, very very hurt, found ways to forgive, and lived better lives for it. And that's all. If you're reading this book you're almost certainly doing so for the purpose of seeking inspiration to forgive someone who has wronged you, or to seek forgiveness from someone you've wronged (or both). There's no doubt that it will help you do that. "Why Forgive?" is a pep talk on the power of forgiveness. No more, no less. And as such it helps.

[Ash · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was a little too much tying into Jesus, especially given that the examples are from people of different religions and that this book is being distributed to public school children at an assembly about ending violence. However, the overall message is a good one, and I like that the stories are from people of all walks of life.

[Dide · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rating
I got this book many years ago because I was seething with anger albeit such moments came about not as often as it used to be.
I however, just read it and though I do not believe forgiving has anything unique to do with Jesus, I find a number of common sense approaches mentioned in this book as valuable to my own journey.
My only major thought after reading is that pain is not an isolated case and to fully overcome it, forgiveness is indeed a continous and conscious instrument for such attainment.

[Johann Christoph Arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

New edition coming soon...

[Maurice Frank · Rating 1 out of 5]

I just bought a copy of this unreadably evil book at a church fair, for only one reason. To prevent it being bought by anyone who would agree with it and use it to cause misery locally. Straight after writing this I will take the most healing cathartic satisfaction in destroying the copy I have bought, knowing I am doing moral good.

This is a world where moneyed interests, not logic, decide whose ideas get published. Many Christian books on forgiveness get written for the same reason as religions have preached one-sided forgiveness in the first place: to make society docile, to con all the folks at the bottom out of aspiring to make their lot better.

The whole exercise is never more offensive and logically ridiculous than when, like this book, it is actually written by a "pastor", a minister of a double standard faith in a God who can't forgive, and who they actually don't expect to forgive! except through the unforgiving violence of sacrificing one of himselves to himself. Inevitably the book offers no defence of an omnipotent being allowing life not to be fair - he argues that nobody caused random medical injustices so there can be no blame for them, ignoring the blamability of choosing not to stop them.

Christian readers don't jump to conclusions - I'm not an atheist, I'm an aomnitheist. It's perfectly possible to have godly experiences in our efforts to fight back against wrongs, without buying that said being has any magic ability to stop them.

Before the book even starts it has an obscene opening quotation, saying:" there is a hard law, when an injury is done to us we never recover until we forgive." By admitting being hard, this admits being unjust, hence wrong. As is the case for any call ever upon victims, upon wronged people, to actually themselves do anything difficult at all as a result of being wronged by others. For docility's sake the media is ever biased to give them voice, "put aside you personal hurts, it's really difficult" from a peacemaking theorist on Richard Holloway's radio Scotland show. It's difficult because it's wrong, and if it's wrong it won't achieve peace, see. No justice no peace. Then comes the tactical populism of quoting Nelson Mandela, who had an obvious interest in getting forgiven of some unforgiving armed struggle stuff.

The author sickeningly describes his own position running a Christian publisher, and sucessful marriage supposed to be a model for other folks with big marital hurts - more like an insult and further hurt to them. The book is opened and closed by his story of claiming to presume to forgive, and claiming God had, a murderer of a child, who sensibly had not been forgiven by the child's family. That tells us from start whose side this writer is on who had had no such evil happen to his own family. The book's entire thesis cruelly ignores the humanity of folks whose undeserved suffering is not his.

Then we get an alcoholic survivor of molesting by an uncle, who did not forgive, whose abuse's impact the writer clearly added to, whose last phase of life his unempathic idiocy, pestering an increasingly suicidal wronged person with forgivist propaganda, clearly added to. Then you know you are sick if you are capable of wanting to read his muck any further.

[Leslie Sneh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is inspiring. It has helped me realize who i am a little more and what I stand for. also, it has helped me forgive. also, forget my sins.now i understand the true meaning of life. you have to be happy with the life that you have before you pass. respect others and don't do anything that youll regret. if someone has did you wrong, forgive them but you don't have t

[Catherine Stark · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book on my bookshelf, apparently the author gave a speech at my children's school many years ago & i just stumbled upon it...i found it intriguing and inspiring that is why I am recommending,,,,

[Joseph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why Forgive is very confrontational. It does not meander around the topic to find middle ground or a tame way to address the subject. Instead, it goes right into the heart of the matter by addressing gang violence, serial murders and abusers, and the worst possible human scenarios while still finding in each situation the grace that some victims had to forgive their abusers or assailants or those who once robbed them of their dignity or humanity. Several sides are addressed, balancing out the viewpoints of those who were able to find a way to forgive with those who are still haunted and will not or cannot forgive.

There are anecdotes and discussions from many of history's darkest hours (the Holocaust, Civil Rights violations/confrontations, the Oklahoma City Bombing) and how God's mercy was still present in the people who found the divine ability to forgive despite the inclination of the assailants to genuinely ask for forgiveness. This book is amazing in its ability to address such a complex topic in such a human and genuine manner.

[John Lucy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A powerful book. Arnold answers the question, "Why Forgive?" with stories, poignant stories of forgiveness, rather than outright answering the question. Indeed, the chapters in which Arnold infuses his own voice, his own thoughts, almost seem to be intrusions in the book.

Although you might think this is a book only meant for people who have experienced some form of tragedy and are battling with the choice to forgive or not, it's really intended, I think, for people who have not experienced such a crisis. Arnold makes the argument that forgiveness is an attitude, not an action, that we need to carry with us at all times. If we can forgive in small ways then we can forgive in large ways, too; and if we can be a forgiving people, then life will be a little more edifying to all of us.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short book, but not a quick read. Why Forgive? is jarring at a core level. As I read stories from people who were able to forgive murderers of their children, stories from survivors of massacres and genocides, and stories from victims of crimes, I felt deeply convicted to search myself and find places where I have been unable or unwilling to forgive. Forgiveness is so hard. Arnold's interpretation of each person's story brings another insight into the difficulty and necessity of forgiveness.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very powerful book. I can't decide who I should pass it on to next because I think anyone can apply it to their life and benefit from it. It is a valuable book to read. It does frequently refer to Christianity and Christian teachings, which I don't think is a bad thing at all, but is good to know before reading for those who aren't Christian. I think the message is still universally applicable.

[Norma · Rating 1 out of 5]

I liked the idea of this book. I thought it would be interesting to find out why someone would want to forgive if they have been wronged, as I myself am not a forgiving person. I got fed up of this boo as there was more leanings towards the Christian views on forgiveness. I have on intrest in religion, so this book was not for me.

[Mark Archibald · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about truly living in the way of Jesus through forgiveness. It portrays forgiveness as the only possible way to move forward in life. Impossible, heart breaking stories reveal the incredible hope that through forgiveness there is hope of the hurting and hope for the world.

[Valentin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you been hurt? Read this book! To forgive it's hard for many individuals put yourself in His place and find forgiveness. Christ has already forgiven you. A great book to read and find peace.

[Mason Ho · Rating 4 out of 5]

Forgiveness can be the hardest thing to give. It’s never easy to be gracious and say, “I forgive you,” especially when you’ve been so badly wronged. Johann Christoph Arnold uses his book, Why Forgive?, to show that forgiveness, while difficult to give, is a necessary step to healing and becoming better people. Arnold expertly gathers stories and experiences from all types of people–the abused, cheated on, betrayed–and uses their stories of learning to forgive to encourage readers that they too can learn to forgive their debtors.
Arnold starts with talking about how holding grudges and clinging to transgressions is more harmful than we think it is. In the first chapter, Arnold describes bitterness as a “cancer” and later says that hate is a cycle that needs active work to escape. In almost every page of this book, Arnold provides readers with a real life example to emphasize his point. For example, Arnold tells Kate's story in order to point to the idea that it is important to forgive your parents. Overall, Arnold’s work can be applied in so many different ways, to so many different people. Even if you don’t think that you can find something helpful in this book, I still strongly suggest that you give it a read.
The book really shines in its use of testimonies in order to hit the main points home. It’s easy to talk about something, but it’s easier to see and learn from a real life example. That is what this book does so well. In this way, readers are better able to access the knowledge that Arnold is trying to communicate. Because instead of using complex theological to show how forgiveness heals, Arnold uses examples that everyone can understand and potentially relate to. Arnold’s writing is concise and right to the point while also being emotionally resonant, which provides readers with quick but captivating stories and lessons. The variability in the stories Arnold tells also provides a large perspective on what forgiveness looks like, offering readers the ability to relate to any part of this book. Arnold’s work is a practical guide that demonstrates how letting go is a great power that frees many people from a cycle of endless hate.
However, being a widely accessible book doesn’t come without its drawbacks. Some topics and stories feel rather rushed, and it sometimes feels like Arnold is trying to get all of his stories in quickly without diving deeper into them. It just feels very surface level, which can frustrate readers who long to learn about the deeper psychological complexities that forgiveness entails. Which is why I would not recommend this book for those who are looking for a fleshed out, complete guide on forgiveness. Because this book, while a good guide for learning to forgive, does not fully capture the entire picture of forgiveness.
Arnold’s straightforward writing style perfectly reflects the simplicity of the book’s central message. I personally find it perfect how simple, yet effective each sample of the book can be. Additionally, Arnold’s tone invites the reader to reflect on the book’s themes by using the anecdotes, repetition and contrast to emphasize the power of forgiveness. Although the language is rather simple, it does actually serve a purpose in delivering the central theme to the reader. Overall, Arnold’s restrained style and heartfelt tone effectively convey his moral and emotional message, even if the simplicity occasionally limits the book’s depth.
In the end, Johann Christoph Arnold’s Why Forgive? stands out as a bold and straightforward deep dive into a difficult, yet essential virtue. Arnold’s plainspoken style, compassionate tone, and use of real-life stories sets a place for readers to reflect on how forgiveness can be transformative and attainable for all. Although the book is simple and not very fleshed out, it is still a very powerful book even to the literary scholars. I would recommend everyone to read this book, because we all deserve to be forgiven and we all have a duty to be compassionate to others.

[Ellie! · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book has a great message but it was very poorly executed. It was handed out after a school assembly, and as someone who lost a parent to suicide, I was very excited at the idea of learning about forgiveness. I need it very much right now. However, I quickly learned that this was written by a pastor. I would have no problem with this if every story was not riddled with religious “prayers and looking to God” and all that stuff. I was genuinely interested in these people’s stories, but they seem to be outweighed by the constant mention of Christian belief. I totally understand people looking to God after a terrible event, but having every story talk about it gets repetitive, and it seems unrealistic (not to mention I’m not religious, so it doesn’t really help me). The book was overall not what I was expecting, and I don’t want to continue through the entire thing. I read bits and pieces of what I was interested in, but that’s all.

[Natasha Carvalho · Rating 3 out of 5]

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

"If there is anything to be done about circumstances we wish we could change, but can't, it is to accept them gracefully. In doing so we may find that even the greatest obstacles can become an opportunity for growth". (P. 153)

"The power of forgiveness still exists, it can work wonders even when we are sure that we have neither earned nor deserved it. It comes to us as a gift, often when we feel least worthy of receiving it. Finally, like any gift, it can be accepted or rejected. What we do with it is up to us". (P. 171).

[Terry Bourbon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this one today. It is a collection of essays from people with horrific circumstances in their lives. These people either gave forgiveness or need it. A lot of the information is not new to me, and as a person of faith, I believe in forgiveness. Am I quick to forgive ? Not always. I like to say I do not hold grudges, but at least one of my kids will tell you that I do. This was a very good book. I may buy it to put on my shelf and re read at some point so I can highlight the good parts. I borrowed this from a church share shelf, so I will return it there. BUT, I highly recommend this to anyone. Especially if you have mixed feelings about forgiveness.

[Gail · Rating 3 out of 5]

The essence of this little book is that forgiveness is a choice, and that it is equally difficult to forgive others as one's self. Yet it is the only way to let go of a past you cannot change. Holding onto anger has no value. "Anger is a destructive emotion. It eats away at whatever peace you have, and in the end it causes nothing but greater pain than you began with." Stories of others who have had to forgive the very worst kinds of wrongs give us hope that we, too, can make that hard but important choice.

[Erik · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Christian doctrine in this book may deter some readers. For me, knowing that forgiveness is one of the main tenets of Christianity, I sort of expected that to be the case, and it didn't really bother me.

I found this book very useful and inspiring, and can recommend it for anyone who may be affected with negative emotions like anger or resentment. It can be helpful to get outside of your own head and hear other's stories, and hopefully learn from them.

[Jem · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was preachy and kind of judgy, just a bunch of examples of bad things happening to people and the people forgiving the person that caused harm. One of the really gross examples was a person whose husband was molesting their daughter …and they still forgave the husband. Yuck. Forgive someone if you want to, but not everyone deserves to be forgiven, and you can absolutely move on from something without forgiving the person who caused you harm.

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is a series of vignettes that out forgiveness in perspective to the pain and trauma that people go through. It provides a light at the end of the tunnel sharing engrossing stories of significant, life-altering events and the emotions that keep people from moving on.

There’s a silver lining of hope that forgiveness is the way through the frustration. Powerful for sure.

[Austin Hill · Rating 3 out of 5]

The many examples of forgiveness provide a reality check as someone always has it worse than you, but I felt like the answer of “Why?” was redundant (if you don’t forgive you’ll harbor resentment and hatred in your heart and that’s not good) and that there was not any pointed advice on taking action towards the “How?”

[Robert Glover · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are so many powerful stories in this book. It's truly amazing how people so harmed and so damaged by someone else can forgive those people. I hope I'm never in their position, but I hope if, God forbid I am, I can forgive like they have.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have my own reasons to forgive and ask forgiveness, but I find it so hard to do. I really appreciate that the author writes plainly and provides copious personal stories as illustration of his points. This book has helped me make the first step toward forgiving and seeking forgiveness.

[Laura avery · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's not bad, there are some lovely sentiments in it, even if Christianity and God isn't your belief system. I'd love to see it written without any religious undertones in it, it would work just as well I think.

[Ella · Rating 5 out of 5]

It made me think of everyone differently!