I'm Not Okay and That's Okay: Mental Health Microskills to Deal with Life's Inevitable Struggles

by Steff Du Bois

For those days when you feel like you just can’t take it anymore… Everybody struggles. Whether you’re breaking down in tears at the grocery store, on the verge of cussing out your toxic family member or coworker, screaming at cars in traffic, or feeling completely alone and friendless on a Saturday night—we’ve ALL been there. The struggle is REAL. And it’s okay to NOT feel okay sometimes. Fortunately, there are simple ways to help you identify and improve your negative thoughts, calm the chaos of emotional overwhelm, and feel better quickly. This portable pick-me-up is just what you need. I’m Not Okay and That’s Okay offers in-the-moment microskills —little strategies for big change—based in proven-effective cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and real-life experience. With this go-to guide, you’ll learn to recognize unhelpful thinking patterns; cope with feelings of sadness, anger, worry, fear, and frustration; and improve your relationships. Most importantly, you’ll uncover the root cause of why you feel the way you do, what’s making you feel worse , and how you can deal with these intense feelings in healthier ways.  We live in an era of extreme emotions. The world is rapidly changing and becoming more and more uncertain. But you can stay grounded—even when everything around you is spiraling out of control. You’ve got this . And this fun, heartfelt guide has your back.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Psychology, Mental Health

176 pages, Paperback

Published November 1, 2023

Reviews

[Jaimie Rogers · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not okay & that's okay is such a good message though.
Everyone has their story & their drama. Society wants us to always be good & happy & fine with everything but yeah no .. that's not ideal at all. It is ok to not be ok & take time for yourself. I loved that message.
You could read a chapter every week for a year . If I didn't get an Arc I would have read it that way .
I think there's a chapter for everyone in this book . Not my typical genre but I wasn't mad at this book at all. Good positive advice . 🖤

#NetGalley #Arc #ImNotOkayandThatsOkay

[Ratebookswithashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I haven’t been okay for the past couple of weeks and really need this!

[Megan | _The.Brunette.Bookworm_ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good, quick, informative book.

The chapters are super short, and I enjoyed it for the most part.

What I liked:
Short chapters.
The topics.
Reminder that it’s okay to not be okay.

What I didn’t like:
How to deal answers could get repetitive.

————-

This is definitely more of a workout book or a resource for when you’re feeling a certain way to go back and look at hey, I’m thinking negative thoughts about myself. I need to make a list of my attributes, etc.

Overall, good and informative book.

[Carter Olendzenski · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book I think would’ve been a lot higher rated if I had read it instead of listening to the audiobook. It was hard to follow (hello audio processing disorder) and he reference previous chapters with the strategies as acronyms and they all were interwoven too much to follow without taking notes. Granted, in the introduction he recommended you don’t read this book all at once, but pause and work on it little by little. But when you have a 14 day hold on it from Libby, you can’t really do that! I’ve added this book to my wishlist though, because it is chock full of good strategies that I want to try out with my therapist.

[Conner Holtrust · Rating 1 out of 5]

Self Help books are just not my jam. I feel as though the same 5 references were used throughout the book and All I really took from this book was to make lists every time you feel a negative emotion, rate how you applied it to your life, and to not get hung up when things go poorly. Overall, a quick read but not one I would recommend.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't often read non-fiction or self-help books, but I really enjoyed this. Each chapter breaks down cognitive behavior techniques to managing obstacles in your daily life.

This book is definately aimed toward people who struggle with anxiety, depression, or other mental health struggles. Not to say that if you're neuro-typical you wouldn't get use out of it, but I think it would be more useful for people struggling with those issues. I almost wish this came with a workbook instead of having tasks outlined at the end of each chapter. That's probably more of a me thing then a note for the publisher though.

Thanks NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications, Inc!

[Nat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve learnt a lot. I’ve felt seen and I took some really good take aways from it. I found this to be really well written and easy to digest and work through.

Also I’m a sucker for references, acronyms and play on words so this was a 12/10. I Mena referencing drag race and Jaida Essence hall while learning good habits? Sold

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful advice for anyone struggling through a bad day, week, month or year. This book breaks down different situations you may be dealing with and gives wonderful coping strategies on how to get through it. Fantastic book that I'm glad I found and I look forward to using the advice in my real life.

Thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Productions Inc for the ARC.

[Angélica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Muy básico.
Quizá le funcione a otras personas, a mí, no.

[Markie · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I'm Not Okay and That's Okay: Mental Health Microskills to Deal with Life's Inevitable Struggles" by Steff Du Bois is a compassionate and practical guide that acknowledges the universal nature of human struggles and provides invaluable microskills to navigate life's challenges. Du Bois recognizes that everyone experiences moments of vulnerability, whether it's a breakdown at the grocery store, frustration with toxic relationships, or feelings of isolation. The book emphasizes that it's completely normal to have moments when we don't feel okay, and it offers a collection of effective techniques to help individuals cope with these difficult emotions.

At the heart of this book lies a collection of in-the-moment micro skills, each offering simple yet impactful strategies to facilitate positive change. Drawing from evidence-based approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), as well as the author's real-life experiences, readers are provided with practical tools to identify and transform negative thought patterns, manage overwhelming emotions, and achieve a sense of emotional well-being.

"I'm Not Okay and That's Okay" encourages readers to engage in self-discovery by recognizing unhelpful thought patterns that contribute to distress. Through the application of CBT and ACT techniques, readers are guided in how to address feelings of sadness, anger, worry, fear, and frustration. Additionally, the book underscores the importance of improving relationships, offering insights into fostering healthier connections with others.

One of the book's standout features is its dedication to helping readers uncover the underlying causes of their emotions. By delving into the roots of intense feelings, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of why they feel the way they do, identify triggers that exacerbate these emotions, and explore healthier ways to channel their emotional intensity.

In the context of our rapidly changing and uncertain world, where extreme emotions can become overwhelming, "I'm Not Okay and That's Okay" stands as a reassuring and supportive resource. Steff Du Bois offers readers a lifeline, reminding them that even in the face of chaos and uncertainty, they possess the capacity to maintain their grounding and emotional balance.

In conclusion, "I'm Not Okay and That's Okay: Mental Health Microskills to Deal with Life's Inevitable Struggles" is a heartfelt and empowering guide that acknowledges the human experience of struggle and offers practical microskills to navigate life's challenges. With its blend of evidence-based therapeutic techniques, personal anecdotes, and a compassionate tone, the book serves as a valuable companion for anyone seeking to understand and manage their emotions in a healthier and more adaptive way. This review only scratches the surface of the wisdom and guidance contained within this resourceful book, making it a must-read for those looking to enhance their mental well-being and embrace life's inevitable struggles with resilience and grace.

[Jet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Am I reading this book or is this book reading me?

"I’m not ok & that’s ok" is a breath of fresh air when it comes to self help.
Reading this book felt like I was having deep conversations with a friend/therapist/myself all at once.
Steff Du Bois’s research, insights and vulnerability made this an easy, enjoyable and fun read, considering the subject.
Each time I picked it up, it was as if a mirror had been held up to me and tools given to help with the mental health struggles I have been experiencing since my teenage days.

I have seen several therapists and began doing my own research into how to alleviate my mental health struggles throughout the years, often feeling like there’s more I can do but just not knowing where to begin.

It could often be intimidating to seek out self help books, and sometimes it feels cold or clinical. "I’m not ok & that’s ok" is quite the opposite! It’s relatable, warm, heartfelt, extremely useful, and informative.
The layout of this book makes it such an easy go-to for when help is needed. I love the “How to deal” at the end of each chapter, and the fun catch phrases tailor made for whatever you need help with. TEAPOT on repeat pops into my head on a weekly basis!

This book requires you to be an active participant in your life, and helps you become more self aware and shows you how much control you actually have in the face of adversity. All with a fantastic sense of humor, something I find refreshing & necessary when it comes to metal health and self help. I have found myself laughing and feeling hopeful each time I pick it up.

I admire Do Bois’s way of inserting humor, queer pop culture and their personal experiences into this book.

At one point it felt as if this book was made just for me (like when you’re drunk at a bar and hear a song that resonates!) I don’t often feel this way when it comes to media, so it felt quite special. I hope this book reaches far and wide, to those who need help with their mental illness and struggles, to find peace and feel seen while reading it.
Steff Du Bois has created something I think is right on time for the zeitgeist, a time of healing, self awareness, rebirth and community.
I’m excited to see what comes next.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I don't think this book necessarily taught me anything new, what it did do was reinforce mental health skills I have developed over my life and give them names. I like the catchy phrases that I can easily remember in times where my thoughts are running away from me, like TEAPOT (trial, error, and practice over time) and Rewind, Be Kind (being kinder to yourself over a mistake you made 5 years ago that you still think about all the time).

I am currently giving someone faux-giveness. This book helped me explain to my husband what I was doing as he thought everyone around him was forgiving and forgetting a major transgression. We aren't. We are simply moving forward with someone who has to be in our lives while trying to let go of pain they caused.

I was recently on a long car ride with my mom who told me she hadn't eaten lunch one day that week because she was working so hard. I suggested she work a little less hard for one week, take her lunch breaks, leave work at 5, and see what happened. Would the world end? In this book, Du Bois calls this The Mean-ing of Life for the struggle of setting too many high expectations. I sent photos of this chapter to my mom reinforcing the ideas we talked about. Hopefully, she strives for mediocrity a bit more at work if that's what it takes for her to take a break for lunch.

While I got this book from the library, I do want to purchase a copy as I feel it's an important book to re-visit during a mental health struggle when I can immediately apply any of the microskills to my life.

I suggest reading this book similar to how I read it which was by reading 2 chapters a day and then spending the day thinking over them. One chapter a day would probably be better but as I have it on a 14 day loan (which I renewed once) I needed to speed up the process!

[Erik Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

In I'm Not Okay and That's Okay, Steff Du Bois offers a fresh, relatable approach to managing negative thoughts through the lens of both cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The author urges us to create space between our thoughts and our actions, an idea many therapists emphasize. The aligns with Epictetus's teachings from the first century: "if we wouldn't entrust our bodies to just anyone, why do we let random criticisms unsettle our minds?" Du Bois echoes this sentiment, urging us not to automatically accept every thought as truth.

Possible spoilers...
What stands out, however, is Du Bois's playful use of a Scooby-You metaphor, encouraging readers to act like detectives when evaluating their thoughts. When an unwanted thought pops up, rather than accepting it as truth, we can use our rational minds to investigate whether the thought has any real merit. Often, negative thoughts turn out to be just that—thoughts—and not reflective of reality.

In this, Du Bois differentiates ACT from traditional CBT. Rather than fighting against negative thoughts, the book advocates for accepting them as part of who you are, but in a way that doesn’t hinder your progress. Even though these thoughts exist, they don’t have to dictate your actions or disrupt your actions.

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good for people just starting to make change in their life in like a very scientific way of doing things.

Covers a lot of broad concepts quickly, which will keep the reader’s attention but might not be enough to inspire action in others.
All the acronyms and sayings are fun but easily forgettable. There’s too many and it becomes its own language you have to memorize to understand the text. Pooh Pooh because it’s true, C you later, TEAPOT, DODI, CDs & MP3s, CARDS, WAIT to name a few. These are fun but if you’re revisiting a chapter weeks later (presumably as you’re following along in your healing journey), you may need to refresh yourself on the terminology.

I will say the chapter of dread of doing it did inspire me to go finish a task I was procrastinating before that.

This is not a book you can read straight through and be better by the end. It’s meant to be digested slowly, and you have to put in work to see change. It’s a good way to start your day as the short chapters always end with an actionable item.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Paula · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm Not Okay and That's Okay by Steff Du Bois is a good resource. I especially liked the information about sleep. As a child, I would worry about falling asleep last in the house, so this portion was quite useful for me.

The information was presented with several questions to ponder and checklists. A simple formula to follow is to identify current challenges, stressors, or struggles and then use that information to create associated goals to work toward.

The book's premise is that it's okay to NOT feel okay sometimes. Fortunately, there are simple ways to help a person identify and improve their negative thoughts, calm the chaos of emotional overwhelm, and feel better quickly.

The book is based on cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and real-life experience. The book is a helpful guide to coping, managing stress, identifying why a person feels the way they do, and then the steps to take to work on how to deal with the feelings.

#ImNotOkayandThatsOkay #NetGalley @NewHarbinger

[mackenzie]

Listened to the audiobook version of this while working (as such, i’m not giving this book a rating because i never feel i can pay enough attention to audiobooks to really determine if something is good or not). Really good advice though! I especially enjoyed the chapter about DODI, or “Dread of Doing It,” when you dread something so much that you become avoidant of it. I deal with that a lot when I get anxious, and it was the whole reason I decided to look for a book like this, and I was quite glad to find that this book covered the topic and provided advice for how to deal with it. Definitely going to be implementing some of the practices mentioned throughout the book in the hope that it might make my day-to-day life less stressful (or at least more manageable). At some point, I may also borrow the e-book so that I can take time to physically review each chapter and go over all of the stress management options.

[Kristin]

Read part of this. The vocabulary of this book is pretty foreign to me. I have heard the idea that you should be conscious of your thoughts and not automatically accept them. And certainly we all have wrestled with trying to concentrate on just the things we can control. This book is to the point and succinct but it uses kind of formal, official sounding terminology. The author is a therapist so it’s a bit like peeking into a college course for therapists and seeing the official theory & terminology used. It’s a bit overwrought, but it is interesting to hear a different way of describing things. It turns things on their heads when you think about them in new terms. It’s hard to do this on your own, because you know your experience and your way of describing things. Hearing a very different way of talking can be interesting. I felt similarly when I listened to the Dalai Lama’s way of saying things in “The Book of Joy” and in the Sudanese’s way of saying things in “A Long Walk to Water.”

The trouble is, it’s not ideal to read at the same time as “A Long Walk to Water.” It just makes our problems and annoyances in a developed country look so petty. I might come back to this another time.

[Ruben Adery · Rating 5 out of 5]

This pocket size spine packs a punch when it comes to real-world, practical and approachable techniques, provided by an expert doctor in the field, but distilled and conveyed like catching up with your favorite old friend. I loved this book and my wife, who is a clinical psychologist, also found it very useful and said she is going to use a lot of the catchy tricks to help CBT skills stick for patients. As several mentioned already, it's great to use as a weekly action step across a whole year, as there are 52 sections all with a tool you could practice for more than a week to get good at before moving on! We've also gifted a few copies for the holidays or birthdays, since it's fun and stylish, and love how portable it is to bring around and meditate on throughout the day.

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Get a notebook to use if you decide to read. Though it's laid back in terms of "voice" there's still a lot of technical info and alphabet soup (acronyms). As a busy person listening by audiobook, I felt at a disadvantage from gaining the full benefit of being able to have that tactile reinforcement for proper learning.
Overall there's a lot to be gained and I've already recommended it to 2 other people while in the middle of reading. I love how there were real life solutions and ways to help oneself. The biggest thing I never learned formally, but taught myself, was the CBT concept of interrupting negative self talk and replacing it each time with something more gentle to oneself. It was pretty validating to hear the concepts I just "figured out" were the right answer.

[Lisa Gisèle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a complimentary copy of this book via Netgalley. Opinions expressed in this review are my own opinions.

CBT helped save my life a couple of years ago, and I find revisiting the basics and learning new tools very important.

That being written, I really enjoyed It's Okay Not To Be Okay. The chapters were a good length to incorporate into a daily routine, and the "homework" was really helpful, especially with my anxiety.

I do wish, however, that an example of the "homework" was provided. I have multiple sclerosis, and when I'm tired, I tend to have problems taking in tasks. I get what is wanted, but it gets fuzzy on how to do it.

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book but I honestly didn’t enjoy it or find it helpful. It is broken down into 52 microskills to think about and use when you are feeling sad, stressed or overwhelmed. Each one had a silly name having to do with Scooby Doo or be kind and rewind or something like that. It felt like a lot of talking and homework, and honestly when you are really feeling depressed or anxious you don’t necessarily have it in you to do this much navel gazing, reading, processing, memorizing and emotional labor. They also were just not particularly helpful for me. Others may find it more useful, especially those who are new to CBT.

I read a digital ARC of this book for review.

[Laura B · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are 52 short chapters in this book. Each chapter helps the reader deal with negative thoughts, anxiety, or other problems that make us “not okay.”

The advice given is mostly based on CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and is written in a clear and helpful manner. For readers dealing with more serious symptoms or problems, e.g. if you have PTSD or CPTSD, this would probably not be enough. But for general readers who need help with everyday stress, this book could be just the right thing.

(I received a free review copy from NetGalley.)

[G · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was having a perfectly fine day until a barista at sbux was rude to me for no reason. How can people act this way? well, it's their problem of course but it really got to me. The only "negative thoughts" I'm having are about the barista. Why is he mistreating me when I haven't done anything wrong?

Someone recommended this to me, but then I read that 1. It's largely based on CBT, and 2 it's a bunch of silly acronyms. So I'm giving this book a 3.

[Katie Troh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is good for pretty much anyone. Everyone faces obstacles, & almost everyone could learn tools to overcome them. It's pretty basic - I might consider it mental health 101. If you have really struggled with your mental health for years, & you know/think you may have a disorder of some sort, you will need more resources.

[Lucy]

This would be helpful to anyone that struggles with issues related to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.

I found this to be clear and concise, and provided tools that I definitely think I can implement in my own day to day.


Thank you to Netgalley for this ARC. These are my true thoughts.

[Meg Frye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wouldn’t recommend listening to this one as it has a lot of great exercises and you’ll need to take a beat to really explore. There are a lot of memorable acronyms to use and I had a few ah ha moments about some of my own negative self talk. Big takeaways is be compassionate with yourself and name my emotions when I’m feeling big feelings.

[Gayle Parker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short little book that is full of emotional regulation skills to try. The book is full of cute little acronyms like FOMO's cousin DODI (dread of doing it) and pithy sayings like strong but wrong (feeling overwhelmed and wanting to make it stop). It provides quick little tactics to help you deal with these feelings. Organized and to the point, it does not waste your time.

[Ceci Gama · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provided good techniques as how to regulate some mental struggles we might have, as well as recommends what we can talk about with out therapist. The only issue I have is that it is very generalized information that those of us with mental illness have already worked on. It is a good book for those who have little to no foundation with how to receive the help they need.

[Arielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. First half of the book was riddled with clever and helpful anxiety-reducing techniques and acronyms. Short and concise intro to CBT. More of a workbook format: do, try it out, reflect, and return to read the next chapter. I was on a (library loan) time limit and listened in one go, but picked up some useful exercises to incorporate into being more a calm parent.

[Cecily Black · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars!

As someone who has been through a lot of therapy and has read a plethora of self help books this one stands up at providing all the same information. I believe it's good to continue to read self help books over time despite if they seem repetitive. I did enjoy the way Dr. Du Bois laid out their advice and a lot of points were very helpful reminders. Decent read.