The Six Stages Of Parenthood

by Ellen Galinsky

Almost all books for parents focus on the way children develop. Ellen Galinsky, instead, writes about how parents develop. Drawing on the work in adult development of Erik Erikson and Daniel Levinson, she describes six distinct stages in the life of a parent: the image-making that occurs during pregnancy; the nurturing role that swallows parents up from birth through the first couple of years; the authority parents must develop as small children show independence; the interpretive stage when parents explain the world and their values to school-age children; the interdependent stage when teenagers challenge authority; and the departure years when parents let go and take stock of their accomplishments and failures.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education, Family, Psychology

364 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 1980

About the author

Ellen Galinsky, president and cofounder of the Families and Work Institute, helped establish the field of work and family life at Bank Street College of Education, where she was on the faculty for twenty-five years. At the institute, she continues to conduct seminal research on the changing workforce and changing family. Her more than forty books and reports include Ask the Children: The Breakthrough Study That Reveals How to Succeed at Work and Parenting and the now-classic The Six Stages of Parenthood. She has received numerous honorary degrees and awards, including the 2004 Distinguished Achievement Award from Vassar College. She served as the elected president of the National Association for the Education of Young Children and was elected a fellow of the National Academy of Human Resources in 2005. She holds a Master of Science degree in child development and education from Bank Street College of Education and a Bachelor of Arts degree in child study from Vassar College. A popular keynote speaker, she was a presenter at the White House Conference on Child Care in 1997 and on Teenagers in 2000. She is featured regularly in the media, including appearances on Good Morning America, World News Tonight, and The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Reviews

[Elizabeth B · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is more clinical than Galinsky’s Mind In The Making but there is still plenty of valuable insight for a layperson.

Key takeaways: most friction happens when the idea (or daydream) of the child or parenthood doesn’t match reality

Almost every stage of child development is another separation of the idea that the child is an extension of a parent. Parents who don’t get this have the hardest time.

It was also comforting to read about parents sharing their hardest or most shameful moments.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book because I liked Galinsky's Mind in the Making so much. This book had a ton of really useful research presented on parenthood. Some things I learned: every parent has "images" of what their child will look like, behave, talk, etc. To be happy, you can either change reality to meet that image, or change your image to be more realistic. Abusive parents have an unrealistic image for their children. A lot of these images are built from what the parent remembers her own parents doing (and wanting to continue that pattern or change it), or what she herself was like as a child (and might fear/dislike certain things about the child that reminds her of herself, or like certain things for the same reason). Also, every parent must realize and accept that their child is NOT an extension of himself. The child might be similar, but she is a separate individual. THe parent should not value their own worth according to how the child performs at school or work. Learn to accept their separatness.

There are lots of interviews that I found interesting and parenting ideas, and it reinforces the idea that we grow as an individual for being a parent. I liked that.

[Sylvia · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I've read the stage relevant to me and one ahead and i don't think I'll be able to read the whole thing before the end of my pregnancy.

I'm going to keep it as a reference book to dip into at each stage before my child proceeds towards

[Josh Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some slightly outdated studies, but otherwise a helpful and interesting book.

[Shelli · Rating 1 out of 5]

Honestly, this book is VERY boring. It reads like a research paper and my mind wanders off quite often and I have to truly concentrate on it to read it. Plus, it was copyrighted in 1987. Seems like some new theories could have been hypothesized in the last 23 years about parenting, you know... with the introduction of the "millennium generation". I find it hard to relate to most of the couples interviewed in this book. Not sure why, but perhaps I've done my research and I'm more prepared for what to expect/how to feel during the pregnancy/birth process. Maybe I truly won't know until AFTER the birth, which negates the point of reading this BEFORE the birth.

The six stages are:
1. the image-making that occurs during pregnancy;
2. the nurturing role that swallows parents up from birth through the first couple of years;
3. the authority parents must develop as small children show independence;
4. the interpretive stage when parents explain the world and their values to school-age children;
5. the interdependent stage when teenagers challenge authority;
6. and the departure years when parents let go and take stock of their accomplishments and failures.

I have read stage 1, and I started stage 2. I'm not sure how far I'll get into the book before the birth of my child, nor am I motivated to get very far. It will be a while before stages 3 through 6 apply to me anyway.

[Heidi Thorsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book for any parent or prospective parent (since the first stage actually begins before you have a child). It highlights the cognitive and emotional changes all parents must go through as their children grow and develop. It was reassuring to know that some of the thoughts I'm having during pregnancy are "normal" and part of parental development, even though they seem unusual to me since I've never had them before. I also find it useful to have a general idea about how my thoughts and behaviors are likely to change as my child grows, so I'll have a realistic image of my future.