Why Don't You Have Kids?: Living a Full Life Without Parenthood

by Leslie Lafayette

The founder of the ChildFree Network, a national support group for childless adults, offers an insightful exploration of parenting and not parenting, filled with questions, answers, statistics, interviews, anecdotes, and issues for those deciding whether or not to have children.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Lifestyle, Sociology, Psychology

296 pages, Hardcover

First published March 1, 1995

About the author

Leslie Lafayette is a humorist, writer, editor, and educator, known for her media appearances and published works. A licensed La Quinta real estate broker, she founded the ChildFree Network, taught graduate courses, and appeared on over 300 radio programs.

Reviews

[Mary Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I could give a copy of this book to every person who's ever felt it necessary to judge me and Ben, to tell us we're selfish, horrible people for making a personal decision. Maybe it would open their eyes.

The book talks a lot about how insanely pro-baby, pro-pregnancy, pro-"family" (as defined as mom, dad, 2.2 kids) our culture is. And how it would do everyone a lot of good to be more realistic about parenthood; it's not all sunshine and lollipops and not everyone wants to do it or is able to do it.

It really helped reinforce the idea that just because we're on a road less traveled doesn't mean we're taking a wrong turn.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dated (published in 1995), but still a thorough examination of living childfree vs. childless and the benefits and challenges that come along with the choice not to have children. Naturally, there have been cultural shifts in the way society views relationships, marriages, children, and the childfree since the publication of this book almost 20 years ago, but a lot of the foundational information still rings true. The absence of LGBT families in the text is the most notable indication of how times are changing.

The author brings an interesting perspective to the book, having once pined to have a child only to suffer a miscarriage later in life. After pursuing single-parent adoption twice, she finally determined that she was better suited for living childfree and had been all along--she was just consumed with fitting in to a pronatalist culture and society. I appreciated the face that the information included in the book was coming from someone who had been on both sides of the fence, so to speak.

The topics covered in this book include an array of issues that those who choose to live childfree might face. The first-person accounts were from both people who are childfree and those who have children. I think the author did the best she could with seeming unbiased--there are certainly other books about being childfree that are much more hostile and borderline disrespectful of children and parents.

Something interesting to note is that studies cited in this book are some of the same studies that are cited in much more recent publications about living childfree. I am hoping that there continue to be emerging statistics on these issues (happiness, monetary consequences, marriage rates, etc.).

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the best I have read on the subject of not having children by choice!! It's a little dated, since it was written in the 90s and I tried tracking down the origization the author started and talks about throughout the book, but it appears to have dis-banded, much to my disappointment. It does have suggestions and "How To's" for starting your own "Childless By Choice" Chapter(s) of your own amongst other like-minded people in your community and/or circle of friends. The book is VERY un-biased and talks about the subject from every possible angle, including men's point of view which is ordinarly over-looked or glossed over in a feminist-snubbing sort of way. Men are the other half in a commited relationship that decides against procreation, so why shouldn't we care what they think? Anywayz...I highly reccommend this book for any couple who is making the decision to be childless, whether by natures design or fate. And an added note to the author, please write an updated version for the new millenium! :0)

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

some pretty good food for thought, though fairly defensive and whiny at times (and i'm already on her side!). 4 stars instead of 3 due to the lack of compelling alternative books on the same topic.

a few days later: still thinking about some things she said. prob worth 4 stars in its own right.

[Candice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a terrific companion to I’m Okay You’re A Brat by Susan Jeffers. Between the two, you will get the whole story. One is written by a childfree woman and the other by an honest mother.

[Alvin Soh · Rating 4 out of 5]

The points are good. I love them.
At the same time, this is an emotional book. So the author spent quite some time elaborating the points thru examples, which I appreciate less.

[ꕥ Ange_Lives_To_Read ꕥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't read much non-fiction but this caught my eye at a library book sale. Published in 1995, the year I got married, it is obviously a bit dated. I think it does a fair job of exploring different aspects of being a parent, deliberately choosing to be childfree, or being childless due to infertility.

[goldslippersandpinkheels · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is pretty dated. But overall a good read for those choosing to live childfree or those trying to decide.

[Shaina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one unfortunately simple question has always left me feeling like a 6 foot tall, awkward, acne ridden teenager. But to look at it now, its the best decision I have ever made. It takes a certain amount of strength and courage to look forward into what is unknown, take inventory of what you feel is important, just being brutally honest with yourself and come back with the answer that says that's just not for me. We all have free will & we should all be able to make our decisions regardless of other people’s beliefs. We also each have the right to do whatever you need to do to chase your dreams and love your life with or without a child.

[KayLynn Zollinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was an excellent book that gives the "other" side of parenting. The side that isn't pretty and puppies and rainbows. For me, it wasn't about convincing me not to have kids, per se, I wanted a realistic picture to know what I would be getting into prior to getting into it and wasn't finding it in parenting books. I found they tended to paint things more rosey then I suspected was realistic. This book scared the shit out of me and that's a good thing. Parenthood is not for the weak of mind or weak of heart.

[Stefanie Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little out-of-date at this point in terms of some of the info and stats included, but still a good resource that offers insight into the rationale behind opting out of having kids.

[Sharon Davies]

Interesting book about being "childfree".

[Susan]

Long ago.
Only comment "excellent"

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Made me laugh and think, and really made me feel better about my decision.