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Alive on the Inside
Nick Harper has a nice life, a nice job, and a nice girl. Until Labor Day Weekend, when the Phantasmagoria Traveling Wonder Show comes to town.
Seduced by the dark and wickedly erotic charms of both the Phantasmagoria and Torturo, a man known in the freak sideshow as The Pain King, Nick embarks on a journey of self-discovery, love, and pain.
But the show is not what it seems. It changes those who come with it in ways they can never imagine, not even in their worst nightmares.
And Nick's changes are just beginning...
Gay / Erotic Horror / Dark Fantasy / BDSM / Contains Some Secondary Heterosexual (M/F) And Lesbian (F/F) Content
This book contains graphic violence, hardcore bondage and punishment, torture and blood play. May not be suitable for the more sensitive reader.
294 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
June 13, 2010
I'm trying to figure out where to start so I think I'll start here...
First on here where it list the Genres:
Genres: Gay / Erotic Horror / Dark Fantasy / BDSM / Contains Some Secondary Heterosexual (M/F) And Lesbian (F/F) Content
My note: I wouldn't say it contained 'Some Secondary Het' I found there to be more of that than my comfort level allowed. There's also Ménage.
The advisory on this book:
Advisory: This book contains graphic violence, hardcore bondage and punishment, torture and blood play. May not be suitable for the more sensitive reader.
I would tell you to take this advisory pretty damn seriously. I've read books where I do read the advisory in advance and it didn't hold weight but this one after reading the book you better damn well believe it. Take this advisory more as a WARNING and under strict advisement. You need a strong mind, not the faint of heart and a strong stomach. I found quite a few scenes to be quite unsettling.
This story had other books, films and authors come to mind as I read it. There was a touch of Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury with the carnival setup, Stephen King I could see some of his in it and the gore, Saw came to mind. A true horror fiction is my classification of this, but one that has it's morbid XXX rated depiction. This is a tragic love story and not your typical run of the mill every day one.
The Phantasmagoria... every one who became a part of the circus had met a brutal end to their life, they all changed into something other than what they were as a mortal and once you boarded that train there was no turning back. It was painful to read, heartbreaking and I went through so many conflicting emotions that at times I had realized I had been holding my breath.
Not I'll get into the meat of the story. You have Nick with his God fearing ways and how this is his punishment for being gay and it's such a sin and he's getting what is deserving to him. Well, yeah I get that especially if you're reading the bible because it's you life, you're on some bible belt, but come on! I think it's a little overboard that Tuturo who is the King of Pain, the wicked seducer and sadist of receiving and giving pain, and the man that's supposed to love Nick will do everything painful to Nick as punishment. Nick allows it all and he gets off on it. You might all be thinking Aaah it's BDSM right? Wrong. It's not BDSM when Tuturo gets jealous because Nick looked upon another handsome young man and using a silver spoon scooped his eyeballs while he had Nick tied and chained to the bed just so he wouldn't look at another! There are many more scenes that take you well out of any comfort zones and read this book... If you dare.
The reason I rated this book as a 4 for me was based on the Quality in which it was written and the Imagination and creativity it took to come up with the scenes, descriptions and the events that take place in this book.
There's sooo much more I could say with regards to this book, but at this point I need to move on to the next to return my brain and thinking to a better place, a happier one. This story disturbed me on many levels. But I won't deny that I wouldn't read another one on a similar level and I can't wrong the authors of this book because I've read quite a few of theirs and they've all proved very interesting and pleasant to sit back and read. This book is a single exception and there's not enough words I could say on it that you would justify my thoughts. I'd say read it yourself, judge the book yourself and should you It'd be great to hear your feedback and your thoughts on it.
First on here where it list the Genres:
Genres: Gay / Erotic Horror / Dark Fantasy / BDSM / Contains Some Secondary Heterosexual (M/F) And Lesbian (F/F) Content
My note: I wouldn't say it contained 'Some Secondary Het' I found there to be more of that than my comfort level allowed. There's also Ménage.
The advisory on this book:
Advisory: This book contains graphic violence, hardcore bondage and punishment, torture and blood play. May not be suitable for the more sensitive reader.
I would tell you to take this advisory pretty damn seriously. I've read books where I do read the advisory in advance and it didn't hold weight but this one after reading the book you better damn well believe it. Take this advisory more as a WARNING and under strict advisement. You need a strong mind, not the faint of heart and a strong stomach. I found quite a few scenes to be quite unsettling.
This story had other books, films and authors come to mind as I read it. There was a touch of Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury with the carnival setup, Stephen King I could see some of his in it and the gore, Saw came to mind. A true horror fiction is my classification of this, but one that has it's morbid XXX rated depiction. This is a tragic love story and not your typical run of the mill every day one.
The Phantasmagoria... every one who became a part of the circus had met a brutal end to their life, they all changed into something other than what they were as a mortal and once you boarded that train there was no turning back. It was painful to read, heartbreaking and I went through so many conflicting emotions that at times I had realized I had been holding my breath.
Not I'll get into the meat of the story. You have Nick with his God fearing ways and how this is his punishment for being gay and it's such a sin and he's getting what is deserving to him. Well, yeah I get that especially if you're reading the bible because it's you life, you're on some bible belt, but come on! I think it's a little overboard that Tuturo who is the King of Pain, the wicked seducer and sadist of receiving and giving pain, and the man that's supposed to love Nick will do everything painful to Nick as punishment. Nick allows it all and he gets off on it. You might all be thinking Aaah it's BDSM right? Wrong. It's not BDSM when Tuturo gets jealous because Nick looked upon another handsome young man and using a silver spoon scooped his eyeballs while he had Nick tied and chained to the bed just so he wouldn't look at another! There are many more scenes that take you well out of any comfort zones and read this book... If you dare.
The reason I rated this book as a 4 for me was based on the Quality in which it was written and the Imagination and creativity it took to come up with the scenes, descriptions and the events that take place in this book.
There's sooo much more I could say with regards to this book, but at this point I need to move on to the next to return my brain and thinking to a better place, a happier one. This story disturbed me on many levels. But I won't deny that I wouldn't read another one on a similar level and I can't wrong the authors of this book because I've read quite a few of theirs and they've all proved very interesting and pleasant to sit back and read. This book is a single exception and there's not enough words I could say on it that you would justify my thoughts. I'd say read it yourself, judge the book yourself and should you It'd be great to hear your feedback and your thoughts on it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 25, 2010
Serious kudos to the authors for writing one fascinating, completely twisted book. I admit I picked up this pretty scared due to the warning and a few reviews that basically said the book scared them for life. I promised myself the first time I got icked or scared or horrified I would put it down and walk away. What I found was I didn’t want to put the book down and ended up totally absorbed in the imaginative and fascinating but totally creepy world. The warnings are pretty on the mark and the setting is filled with elements of horror and gore to an extent. Yet the skillful writing keeps all of this moving and written in such a way that the freakish becomes common place and the gory is not so frightening. Don’t be scared by this book, it is horror but it’s so much beyond that you’ll likely be sucked in too.
The story revolves around the Phantasmagoria, a traveling carnival and freak show that travels by train. Early on the main characters are introduced in Jacob Plum, a young man that becomes Torturo and Nick Harper, a car salesman that joins the circus. These two and their tumultuous relationship form the backbone and core of the story. However, their story is not easy and the Phantasmagoria is as much a character as any other. Along with The Pain King, there are several other freaks of nature that also travel with the carnival. These include classic figures such as the bearded lady, the hermaphrodite, conjoined twins, the wolfman, and other figures of freakish lore. The book begins by introducing the carnival and how it draws Nick into its grasp but then starts to explore the lives of the people living on the train.
There are a wealth of plot points and twists that are stunning, clever, and surprising. One of the best aspects about the story is that you never know where the characters and the story will take you. There is no safety net here and every horrifying act you think couldn’t possibly happen, just may. This keeps the reader on edge, wondering where the story will go but the writing is incredibly deft and skillful. The story never goes too far into gory and shocking. The acts of the carnival and between the freak show members are told almost blandly, as now the bizarre becomes normal for them. There is blood, shock, and horror but the inclusion of magical forces as well as an emotional disconnect keeps these elements from overwhelming the story and turning it into a scary slasher. Instead the focus on other themes in between these acts gives the reader a lot of issues to focus on other than just horror and shock value.
The characters themselves are utterly fascinating just as they are complete enigmas. Each of the members of the group entered as one thing – for reasons later revealed in a sly and eye catching way – but they soon turn into something entirely different. For example the conjoined twins were sisters before joining the circus only to wake up one day fused together at the hip. For Jacob, he loses the ability to feel pain. His internal change is just as destructive, perhaps more so than some of the outward deformities and he turns into a sadist. His obsession and destructive fascination with having someone for his own leads him to claim Nick. Their on and off again relationship spanning well over a decade has all the hallmarks of a dysfunctional couple. There is abuse, obsession, co-dependency, selfishness, rage, and deep lasting love that can’t be broken even though they both try. For Nick, a bible thumping deeply closeted gay man hooking up with a drinking sadist isn’t the best move so his initial reasons for quick capitulation are suspect. However once you get by this issue, Nick’s change from whining and complaining to understanding and eventually craving his own brand of masochism is incredibly compelling.
The relationship between Nick and Jacob is not necessarily romantic, yet they love each other with a dark, sick need that is unmatched. However, not only are these two volatile but Torturo especially sleeps with anything that moves. This leads to a lot of indiscriminate sex that may turn off some readers. There is graphic m/f sex, m/m sex, f/f sex, and just about any combination that you can think of. Jacob’s co-dependency on Nick is as total as his love. But Jacob’s drinking often unleashes his sadistic, vengeful side wanting to punish Nick for any real or imagined slight regardless of Jacob’s own actions. This is not exactly a healthy relationship but is still intense and captivating. The writing here tends to be more intense in some scenes but the most shocking acts tend to be the least graphic and dramatic. Again the authors tone down the horror and state acts almost casually without dwelling on pain and terrifying emotions. This helps keep the reader emotionally distanced and still engaged in the story.
The setting of the carnival and the twists that occur from the actual purpose of the train to Nick’s own transformation and even the final resolution are well crafted with great detail and an absorbing narrative. There are some lingering questions such as if the train still runs on the same fuel but the ending is fitting and very well done. The paranormal aspects are important and help keep the story horrifying without evoking a terrified reaction from readers. I think you’ll find that even readers who aren’t necessarily fans of horror fiction will find the themes and elements included fascinating and compelling. The ideas play on familiar ideas but are still original, unique, and totally different. As a reader who absolutely will not watch horror films, this is a book I couldn’t put down and want to read again. Far from being scared for life, I’m fascinated with the world and people created in the fabulously named Phantasmagoria. Check this out; I think you’ll be just as interested.
The story revolves around the Phantasmagoria, a traveling carnival and freak show that travels by train. Early on the main characters are introduced in Jacob Plum, a young man that becomes Torturo and Nick Harper, a car salesman that joins the circus. These two and their tumultuous relationship form the backbone and core of the story. However, their story is not easy and the Phantasmagoria is as much a character as any other. Along with The Pain King, there are several other freaks of nature that also travel with the carnival. These include classic figures such as the bearded lady, the hermaphrodite, conjoined twins, the wolfman, and other figures of freakish lore. The book begins by introducing the carnival and how it draws Nick into its grasp but then starts to explore the lives of the people living on the train.
There are a wealth of plot points and twists that are stunning, clever, and surprising. One of the best aspects about the story is that you never know where the characters and the story will take you. There is no safety net here and every horrifying act you think couldn’t possibly happen, just may. This keeps the reader on edge, wondering where the story will go but the writing is incredibly deft and skillful. The story never goes too far into gory and shocking. The acts of the carnival and between the freak show members are told almost blandly, as now the bizarre becomes normal for them. There is blood, shock, and horror but the inclusion of magical forces as well as an emotional disconnect keeps these elements from overwhelming the story and turning it into a scary slasher. Instead the focus on other themes in between these acts gives the reader a lot of issues to focus on other than just horror and shock value.
The characters themselves are utterly fascinating just as they are complete enigmas. Each of the members of the group entered as one thing – for reasons later revealed in a sly and eye catching way – but they soon turn into something entirely different. For example the conjoined twins were sisters before joining the circus only to wake up one day fused together at the hip. For Jacob, he loses the ability to feel pain. His internal change is just as destructive, perhaps more so than some of the outward deformities and he turns into a sadist. His obsession and destructive fascination with having someone for his own leads him to claim Nick. Their on and off again relationship spanning well over a decade has all the hallmarks of a dysfunctional couple. There is abuse, obsession, co-dependency, selfishness, rage, and deep lasting love that can’t be broken even though they both try. For Nick, a bible thumping deeply closeted gay man hooking up with a drinking sadist isn’t the best move so his initial reasons for quick capitulation are suspect. However once you get by this issue, Nick’s change from whining and complaining to understanding and eventually craving his own brand of masochism is incredibly compelling.
The relationship between Nick and Jacob is not necessarily romantic, yet they love each other with a dark, sick need that is unmatched. However, not only are these two volatile but Torturo especially sleeps with anything that moves. This leads to a lot of indiscriminate sex that may turn off some readers. There is graphic m/f sex, m/m sex, f/f sex, and just about any combination that you can think of. Jacob’s co-dependency on Nick is as total as his love. But Jacob’s drinking often unleashes his sadistic, vengeful side wanting to punish Nick for any real or imagined slight regardless of Jacob’s own actions. This is not exactly a healthy relationship but is still intense and captivating. The writing here tends to be more intense in some scenes but the most shocking acts tend to be the least graphic and dramatic. Again the authors tone down the horror and state acts almost casually without dwelling on pain and terrifying emotions. This helps keep the reader emotionally distanced and still engaged in the story.
The setting of the carnival and the twists that occur from the actual purpose of the train to Nick’s own transformation and even the final resolution are well crafted with great detail and an absorbing narrative. There are some lingering questions such as if the train still runs on the same fuel but the ending is fitting and very well done. The paranormal aspects are important and help keep the story horrifying without evoking a terrified reaction from readers. I think you’ll find that even readers who aren’t necessarily fans of horror fiction will find the themes and elements included fascinating and compelling. The ideas play on familiar ideas but are still original, unique, and totally different. As a reader who absolutely will not watch horror films, this is a book I couldn’t put down and want to read again. Far from being scared for life, I’m fascinated with the world and people created in the fabulously named Phantasmagoria. Check this out; I think you’ll be just as interested.
October 8, 2013
3.5 stars
This story started out strong for me. I love creepy horror, and what is creepier than carnies? I fell for Torturo even after learning he was The concept pulled me in and I was sold on the story completely until At that point, the book sort of fell apart. Characters changed their feelings and opinions from one page to the next, flip-flopping until I never knew what was going on. I ended up a little unsure of who Torturo/Jacob was and sad over that loss. While there were some good scenes, the cohesion was gone and I was left wondering if the story had a point. The end of the story was interesting, the epilogue intriguing.
I still feel this is a worthwhile read. The concept and beginning execution is pure genius. I feel that perhaps the turning point in the writing was forcing romance into a plot that should have stayed true to its sinister beginnings, and attempting to create a hybrid of sinister/some form of semi-happy ending.
This story started out strong for me. I love creepy horror, and what is creepier than carnies? I fell for Torturo even after learning he was The concept pulled me in and I was sold on the story completely until At that point, the book sort of fell apart. Characters changed their feelings and opinions from one page to the next, flip-flopping until I never knew what was going on. I ended up a little unsure of who Torturo/Jacob was and sad over that loss. While there were some good scenes, the cohesion was gone and I was left wondering if the story had a point. The end of the story was interesting, the epilogue intriguing.
I still feel this is a worthwhile read. The concept and beginning execution is pure genius. I feel that perhaps the turning point in the writing was forcing romance into a plot that should have stayed true to its sinister beginnings, and attempting to create a hybrid of sinister/some form of semi-happy ending.
October 10, 2013
This was one weird and wild ride. Ms Sparrow created a world very much like that in the television show Carnivale. Run by the mysterious Clovis, the Phantasmagoria needs an death to feed it and occasionally takes on a new player for a needed role. What kept the story alive and kind of creepy to me was the large cast of characters and all of the subplots peppered throughout the story. The dominant story was the interplay between Nick and Jacob/Torturo and the way that their relationship changed and evolved. I was at first let down by the epilogue but after thinking about it, I think it made perfect sense. Although the story begins as a m/m story with an under layer of m/f bits, the story is really more about love itself and how it stays the same regardless of the physical changes that occur between lovers. Beautifully written with a strange mind bending theme, this story is more than worth the price of admission but you may never get out the same.
February 4, 2010
I'm not too keen on horror fiction - it scares the crap out of me cos my brain is way too fertile - but this was a fascinating read exploring the darkest and deepest of people's motivations within the setting of a freak show carnival. A perfect back drop to its complex themes of desire, dependency, obsession, selfishness as well as prejudice with a dash of gruesome and strong paranormal themes. Not for the feint-hearted, but definitely worth the effort.
November 22, 2011
OMG! How do I review this one. Let's get the warnings out of the way first: bloody, gory, sexually extreme, shocking,etc. All the warnings are right on this book but I LOVED IT! It is strange and wonderful at the same time. I read it in two days. It is an intense romance between Nick and Jacob (Torturo). And the ending was excellent. It's like a horror story with romance. Made me want to cover my eyes in places! Give this a go peeps. It's awesome if you can keep your eyes open!
Read
October 23, 2013There's horror to prove a point, and then there's gratuitous horror simply for shock value. I love the former, get bored by the latter. This story did have both, and the gratuitous distracted from the true nature of the tale. It's a hard line to draw for horror writers.
Beyond that, this story started off well, very strong, dark, and interesting. About halfway through it lost its way. I think Jase hit it on the head when he wrote in his review that the romance came across as forced into an otherwise dark and horror-themed story. Yes, there is erotic horror out there, but for me, this didn't qualify.
The concept of the Phantasmagoria (some of which would be huge spoilers, so I won't go into details) was great -- a fascinating and dangerous traveling carnival that both makes me want to run to the next one I see, and hide out in an entirely different state next time one sets up.
Sadly, the story didn't hold up straight through to the end, focusing on the Pain King's wild mood swings and the viciousness born of them instead of what originally fascinated me. It did circle around to that eventually. The epilogue read like the story had finally come home to that initial concept -- a fitting end to the tale of the Phantasmagoria.
** First half four stars easily (losing one for the gratuitous horror) second half two, epilogue five.
Beyond that, this story started off well, very strong, dark, and interesting. About halfway through it lost its way. I think Jase hit it on the head when he wrote in his review that the romance came across as forced into an otherwise dark and horror-themed story. Yes, there is erotic horror out there, but for me, this didn't qualify.
The concept of the Phantasmagoria (some of which would be huge spoilers, so I won't go into details) was great -- a fascinating and dangerous traveling carnival that both makes me want to run to the next one I see, and hide out in an entirely different state next time one sets up.
Sadly, the story didn't hold up straight through to the end, focusing on the Pain King's wild mood swings and the viciousness born of them instead of what originally fascinated me. It did circle around to that eventually. The epilogue read like the story had finally come home to that initial concept -- a fitting end to the tale of the Phantasmagoria.
** First half four stars easily (losing one for the gratuitous horror) second half two, epilogue five.
May 18, 2011
Very good book. I really enjoyed this. Such an amazing cast of characters they really came to life.
I really should add a warning here. This book is Dark, disturbing and not for everyone.
The one thing that put me off from giving this a five was Nick's coming to terms with who he was. The road from denial to acceptance, and his own belief system just didn't seem to come together well.
Other than that small quibble, really good book.
Recommended.
I really should add a warning here. This book is Dark, disturbing and not for everyone.
The one thing that put me off from giving this a five was Nick's coming to terms with who he was. The road from denial to acceptance, and his own belief system just didn't seem to come together well.
Other than that small quibble, really good book.
Recommended.
October 25, 2015
2010 Rainbow Awards Honorable Mention (5* from at least 1 judge)
August 12, 2017
There are places where I feel like something is missing. This needs a rewrite.
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