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The Future of Love
"The future of relationships is moving us toward the vaulting awareness of who we really are as human beings, something we have managed to avoid for a very long time by being so thoroughly committed to convention...This is the future of love--vast love, love beyond boundaries, love without preconceptions and judgments, love without outdated myths--love which can actually be experienced."
At a time when over half of all marriages are ending in divorce, Daphne Rose Kingma, a well-known therapist and relationship expert, has recognized that our familiar ways of thinking about relationships are no longer working. "I have written this book because it is clear that many of our previous assumptions about relationships need to be dismantled," writes Kingma. "As we go through this process, we will discover a number of new that our relationships can have different forms than we ever imagined; that they will serve different purposes; that they will require different offerings from us. They will also bring us new gifts."
We are in the midst of a sea change, in which not only are many traditional relationships failing, but unexpected new arrangements are beginning to appear; gay marriages are surfacing, step-families abound, and many people are consciously choosing to live alone. As Kingma explains, these transformations should not be feared; instead, they represent a real opportunity. In the past, conventional relationships were often destroyed by an overemphasis on the nuts and bolts of psychology, on working to achieve the unattainable "perfect relationship" while ignoring our most vital selves--our souls. The glorious message of The Future of Love is that the disturbing changes we are all experiencing are actually part of the soul's plan, as it breaks down outdated conventions to bring us a new, fuller understanding of love.
At a time when over half of all marriages are ending in divorce, Daphne Rose Kingma, a well-known therapist and relationship expert, has recognized that our familiar ways of thinking about relationships are no longer working. "I have written this book because it is clear that many of our previous assumptions about relationships need to be dismantled," writes Kingma. "As we go through this process, we will discover a number of new that our relationships can have different forms than we ever imagined; that they will serve different purposes; that they will require different offerings from us. They will also bring us new gifts."
We are in the midst of a sea change, in which not only are many traditional relationships failing, but unexpected new arrangements are beginning to appear; gay marriages are surfacing, step-families abound, and many people are consciously choosing to live alone. As Kingma explains, these transformations should not be feared; instead, they represent a real opportunity. In the past, conventional relationships were often destroyed by an overemphasis on the nuts and bolts of psychology, on working to achieve the unattainable "perfect relationship" while ignoring our most vital selves--our souls. The glorious message of The Future of Love is that the disturbing changes we are all experiencing are actually part of the soul's plan, as it breaks down outdated conventions to bring us a new, fuller understanding of love.
221 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
September 26, 2007
According to author Daphne Rose Kingma in her book, The Future of Love, there are five main myths about intimate relationships.
The first is that traditional, legal heterosexual marriage is the ultimate relationship form that all successful relationships must eventually become. Those who believe in this group people into four categories:
* Those who are married
* Those who are waiting to be married
* Those who have been widowed or divorced and are waiting to be married again
* Those who were never lucky enough to marry in the first place.
The second is that all successful relationships must be daily -- seven days a week.
Never mind that dailiness can makes us too familiar with one another and lead partners to take one another for granted. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is more than just a cliche.
The third myth is that all successful relationships must be domestic, that one must live full time with their partner.
We've all heard people say, "I love Soandso, but I could never live with him(her)", and they break up the relationship because of this, which is based on the domestic myth. Dispense with the myth, and continue to enjoy such relationships on their own terms.
The fourth myth is all successful relationships must be exclusive -- sexually and otherwise.
In addition to the customary expectation of sexual exclusivity, most people unrealistically expect their partners to meet every other need they have. This is unrealistic, because our partners are "mere mortals who love you, but are not gods who can make your every dream come true." This myth is probably one of the largest causes of relationship disappointment, as no one could possibly live up to these expectations.
The fifth myth is that all successful relationships must be forever -- until death do us part.
This expectation came about when the life expectancy was nowhere near what it is now and when marriage was more a practical relationship of survival, rather than a love match. People then promising "until death do us part" had, if they were lucky, 20 years of "forever", and did not face the prospect of many years living in an "empty nest".
But people live longer now, life is about more than just mere survival, and people evolve, change,and grow during their longer lifespans. A partner who was right for us at 20 might not be the same one who is right at 40, 60, etc. To end a relationship that longer fits doesn't mean it was a failure; it was right in its proper time, and it's simply time to move on.
The only fault with this book, in my opinion, was an excessive amount of superfluous psychobabble, but I simply skipped that to get to the book's core message.
The first is that traditional, legal heterosexual marriage is the ultimate relationship form that all successful relationships must eventually become. Those who believe in this group people into four categories:
* Those who are married
* Those who are waiting to be married
* Those who have been widowed or divorced and are waiting to be married again
* Those who were never lucky enough to marry in the first place.
The second is that all successful relationships must be daily -- seven days a week.
Never mind that dailiness can makes us too familiar with one another and lead partners to take one another for granted. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is more than just a cliche.
The third myth is that all successful relationships must be domestic, that one must live full time with their partner.
We've all heard people say, "I love Soandso, but I could never live with him(her)", and they break up the relationship because of this, which is based on the domestic myth. Dispense with the myth, and continue to enjoy such relationships on their own terms.
The fourth myth is all successful relationships must be exclusive -- sexually and otherwise.
In addition to the customary expectation of sexual exclusivity, most people unrealistically expect their partners to meet every other need they have. This is unrealistic, because our partners are "mere mortals who love you, but are not gods who can make your every dream come true." This myth is probably one of the largest causes of relationship disappointment, as no one could possibly live up to these expectations.
The fifth myth is that all successful relationships must be forever -- until death do us part.
This expectation came about when the life expectancy was nowhere near what it is now and when marriage was more a practical relationship of survival, rather than a love match. People then promising "until death do us part" had, if they were lucky, 20 years of "forever", and did not face the prospect of many years living in an "empty nest".
But people live longer now, life is about more than just mere survival, and people evolve, change,and grow during their longer lifespans. A partner who was right for us at 20 might not be the same one who is right at 40, 60, etc. To end a relationship that longer fits doesn't mean it was a failure; it was right in its proper time, and it's simply time to move on.
The only fault with this book, in my opinion, was an excessive amount of superfluous psychobabble, but I simply skipped that to get to the book's core message.
August 20, 2011
The Most important book on love and relationships you could EVER read! My Favorite book of all time! I liked it so much I put my money where my mouth is, and bought a dozen copies of it and gave it away to my friends!
February 1, 2009
For me, this book was about 1:1 signal-to-noise. "Noise" being "woo-woo". The basic premise is that expecting humans to "mate for life" (ie the institution of marriage) made sense when we had 30-year lifespans, and doesn't now. The theories are interesting, but she doesn't do a lot of backing them up, or give instructions on how we're all supposed to get where we're going (the new styles of relationships.) Maybe we're expected to already know. *shrug* She also uses Princess Di rather frequently as an anecdotal example of how we're all connected (because the entire world was so crushed by her death) which I just can't relate to; I think the "interconnectedness" can be chalked up to other factors when celebrities are involved.
September 4, 2014
Interesting concepts. I read this after a relationship ended. It stresses that the future of relationships isn't always just man and wife. Rather, love will come in different forms. For instance, a woman may not be married to anyone, but may have close relationships with various men that fulfill various needs. The author doesn't speak of love always in terms of romance - it's worth a read if you're curious about relationships and humans and our emotions in general.
May 8, 2021
I started reading this based on a recommendation and found it really interesting in the beginning. Daphne Kingma explores a different approach to relationships than what was previously known. But you can tell that this book was written a long time ago. Heteronormative viewpoints dominate this book and there was way too much talk of god and soul and spirituality for my taste.
I took some interesting points from it but couldn't really get into the second half and all the examples she gives of relationships that - in that period of time - didn't fit the norm.
I took some interesting points from it but couldn't really get into the second half and all the examples she gives of relationships that - in that period of time - didn't fit the norm.
May 22, 2021
While Daphne Rose’s writing is a bit too metaphysical for my taste…I found the underlying perspectives on the importance of relationships and their evolving nature quite thoughtful.
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October 27, 2021Profound
November 27, 2012
Having read and loved 'Coming Apart' by Daphne Rose Kingma, I was very interested in reading this book. The first few chapters turned me off a little bit, with their talk of God and abstract, more-religious-than-spiritual ramblings. However, once I made it past those, I found this book a very thought-provoking and spiritually rich read. She writes candidly about many ideas that are certain to be controversial among the traditionalists of society - but having lived and loved on the "new frontier of relationships" myself a couple times, I found her discussion of stepping outside society's expectations very refreshing. I think our society is still a long way from Kingma's vision, but she has created a road map here for those looking to explore the limits of what love is, and what it can be.
September 26, 2016
I was so impressed with this book I sat for 2 weeks and non stop created a video series/power point presentations to use as teaching tools to bring this content to life for my students. I include these study guide videos and a strong recommendation for this book in all my online course work for men, women and couples seeking lasting love. MUST read for everyone committed to real love over social obligation and clinging to constructs.
December 13, 2007
This is a beautiful book about relationships and how they are changing with our rapidly advancing culture. Challenging the traditional forms of marriage as the only socially accepted form of relationship, this book is a must read for anyone who is experiencing any relationship tension. (Is anyone not?)
June 13, 2008
This is a wonderful book for those of us struggling with alternative or unusual kinds of love relationships. She lovingly explains the shift happening in traditional "marriage" based relationships and how expanding our definitions of love can introduce us to more meaningful relationships that defy traditional definitions. I loved this and love her writing. It's both poetic and frank.
December 11, 2008
pretty good concept for helping to understand human relationships
July 21, 2010
Very good.
March 2, 2013
A bit light. I was not inspired to finish it. I agree with where she is coming from but she does not back up her theories well enough.
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May 16, 2015Budućnost ljubavi; moć duše u ljubavnim odnosima
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews