Le courage d'être soi: L'art de communiquer en conscience

by Jacques Salomé

Si toute démarche spirituelle passe par le renoncement aux illusions, elle ne dispense pas non plus d'un travail de clarification sur les croyances, sur les pièges ou malentendus qui entravent la relation avec autrui ou avec soi-même. Pour J. Salomé, il faut créer beaucoup de vide en soi pour naître ou recevoir afin de développer la communication en conscience ou relationnelle.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, France, Spirituality

193 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Solodchi Andreea · Rating 5 out of 5]

O carte profundă ce ne dezvăluie arta de a comunica, de a pune bazele unor relații vii și sănătoase cu sine, o carte ce te ajută să te descoperi, să te cunoști mai bine și să-ți dezvolți modul de percepție față de ceilalți.
Lectura mi-a fost drept pedagog și psiholog, m-a făcut să conștientizez extrem de multe lucruri. Trebuie să ne tratăm de rănile mai vechi sau mai recente pentru a merge mai departe cu sufletul împăcat. Prin asta ne arătăm respectul propriei persoane, căci fiecare din noi merităm ce-i mai bun. O viață în tihnă înseamnă să nu te lași înveninat: de gânduri, idei, intâmplări.
Multe dintre problemele de relaționare cu cei dragi sunt cauzate de carențele noastre în comunicare. Trebuie să ne exprimăm trăirile, trebuie să ne tratăm suferințele, să ne depășim înfrângerile, să avem curajul de-a merge mai departe pentru a obține bucuria vieții și respectul față de sine.
Mesajul central este de-a ne face să reflectăm asupra propriei persoane, asupra descoperirii și dezvoltării eului interior, dar și asupra celorlalți.
A comunica eficient e o necesitate a reușitei personale, ineficiența ei afectându-ne existența în mod exacerbat.
Aveți curajul de-a citi cartea! Vă veți îmbogăți sufletește!

[Véronique · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just finished this short volume and realize that not only I did not learn anything, but I am already forgetting it (I'll admit to reading multiple books at the same time.)
From the start, there was something that bothered me, it might be the style (I read it in French), the tone of the author that gave me a bad impression about his personality. I found the writing needlessly complicated, borderline arrogant. Some find it poetic, I don't.
Then about the substance; more than once, I was bothered by what I could read between the lines. I felt some rigidity, a lack of concession from the author that gave me the impression he could easily promote divorce (and I have absolutely nothing against divorce being a divorcee myself.) A lot of his reflections also seemed extremely abstract, borderline random, with no real analysis to prove his point.
Maybe what bothered me the most in the end, is the lack of humanity of the author that transpired during the reading. I hope I am wrong and this is totally subjective, but Salomé did not seem to have much compassion, appeared quite cold after reading this book.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't finish this book, really boring! Not for me. The title attracted me but nothing else.
2 stars for the benefit of doubt.

[Nafsika · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Αναγέννηση, έτσι, στη ζωή, χωρίς τη διατήρηση επαναλήψεων και πιστής υπακοής στις εμμονές των γονέων, που είναι βαρύ φορτίο για να τις φέρει κανείς, ..."
"Η δημιουργία και οικοδόμησή τους ως ανεξάρτητα όντα, που σέβονται τον εαυτό τους, μπορεί να αποκαλυφθεί για κάποιους μια από τις μεγαλύτερες προκλήσεις της ζωής τους."

Ταυτίστηκα με διάφορα συναισθήματα και ερωτήματα που αναδύονται διαβάζοντας το βιβλίο αυτο.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book of Jacques Salome's that I picked up. A great read. It will challenge your thinking about your relationship to yourself as well as your relationships with others.

[Catherine Amozen · Rating 4 out of 5]

O carte profundă ce trebuie citită cu atenție. Sunt prezentate idei de viață care te pun pe gânduri.

[Searchingthemeaningoflife Greece · Rating 5 out of 5]

[Η απάρνηση Είναι πιθανό να δεχτούμε να απαρνηθούμε μία σχέση, όσο σημαντική και αν είναι ή θα μπορούσε να είναι, όταν αυτή δεν είναι πια σωστή για εμάς' όταν νιώθουμε ότι είναι φορεύς άμεσης ή έμμεσης, ορατής ή αόρατης βίας' όταν αγγίζει τυφλές ζώνες, όπου αφυπνίζεται η έλλειψη ανοχής και όπου η τρωτότητα βρίσκεται αδιάκοπα προ των θυρών' όταν νιώθουμε ότι είναι πλέον αδύνατον να συνεχίσουμε να σεβόμαστε τον εαυτό μας. Τότε, είναι καλύτερα να χαλαρώσουμε και να απαρνηθούμε τη συγκεκριμένη σχέση όσο σημαντική και αν είναι! Η παραίτηση από μία ανυπόφορη ή μη ικανοποιητική σχέση αποτελεί ενεργητικό, θετικό διάβημα, που δηλώνει σιγουριά και ανάκτηση της ακεραιότητάς μας. Δεν πρόκειται για απόρριψη, υποβιβασμό ή θεώρηση του άλλου ως κακού, αλλά για να του δείξουμε ότι: Η σχέση αυτή η οποία υπήρξε σε κάποιες στιγμές σημαντική, ακόμα και καλή για εμένα, δεν είναι πλέον. Δεν ανταποκρίνεται πιά στις προσωπικές μου προσδοκίες, δεν αντιστοιχεί πλέον στον άντρα ή στη γυναίκα που έχω γίνει και γι' αυτό, προτιμώ να την απαρνηθώ.]


👽 [... αποτελούμε ταυτόχρονα τους δημιουργούς αλλά και τους παραγωγούς του ίδιου μας του πόνου.]


👽[ ...καθένας όσο νέος και αν είναι υπεύθυνος για την αφοσίωση και την πίστη που επιδεικνύει.]

[Melania · Rating 2 out of 5]

First of all the title of the book is misconceiving. It's a strange blend of glimpses from the authours life, with the allready-told a hundred of times over of the importance to separate the content from the comunicator, to constantly asses our feelings and relations, to be aware of how the people we interact with amplify the positive or the negative feelings in us, only to find at the end of it a few guidelines to an assertive comunication which carries a fancy name "The ESPERE method", and to recall the four truths of budhism about life and suffering. Even though the style was too pretentious in respect to its content, the book was still worth reading even for only reminding yourself the importance of self-affirmation and to avoid the traps other may set us up (with or without intention) by culpabilization, making feel us feel responsible for their feelings or choices, accusations, manipulations, etc. The gem of the book was at the end for me, to view life and every person we meet as a gift and take responsability for our life.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Attention, j'ai mis 3 étoiles mais j'ai adoré ce livre (en livre audio). J'aurais cependant pris plus d'exemples et de mises en situation du quotidien. Le résumé n'en parle pas, mais l'auteur traite également du soi et du nous, soit comment devenir un meilleur compagnon pour soi et apprécier la solitude avec une possibilité de devenir encore meilleur pour son couple. J'aurais aimé également des explications sur le fonctionnement du cerveau par rapport aux principes soulevés. Je vais certainement écouter une seconde fois!

[Antonia♥ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn't like this one at all. Actually, I didn't even read all the chapters, tooo boring!

[Ana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Credeam ca acesta carte va contine cateva trucuri de cum sa comunici eficient, dar a fost mai mult un indemn de cum sa iti asumi responsabilitatea permanenta pentru propria viata.
In ultimele luni m-a urmarit acest cuvant mai mult ca altadata si cu ajutorul acestei carti am inceput sa nu il mai vad cu o conotatie negativa si grava. Recunosc ca m-a ajutat un pic si Jordan Peterson aici. De aceea, desi cartea este intr-adevar scrisa cam alambicat, cu fraze poate vrute poetice, dar mai mult melancolice si triste, nu as da deloc la o parte ideea un pic a la Osho :) ca suntem "o masa de energie si iubire universala care ne-a fost incredintata si fata de care avem datoria sa o dezvoltam intr-o forma unica, cu toata libertatea posibila... sa descoperim ce este mai valoros din universul nostru de posibilitati, sa avem curajul de a deveni noi insine ... fiinte autonome, adulte, creatoare".
Cartea nu este un tratat de psihologie, autorul pare mai mult un batran melancolic, un pic cam egoist, care se uita inapoi la viata sa si ne indeamna sa facem cam la fel ca el: cu orice pret sa ne descoperim, sa nu ne lasam doborati de suferinte, pt ca toata lumea trece prin ele, sa nu ne uitam prea mult in urma, poate doar ca sa intelegem de ce avem anumite reactii si purtam in noi anumite comportamente sau "fidelitati" sau "misiuni compensatorii".
Din fericire citesc in acelasi timp o carte care indeamna la mai multa compasiune (Arta fericirii scrisa in colaborare cu Dalai Lama) si deci indemnurile acestea imi par ca duc la egocentrism si un fel de singuratate in cautarea asta perpetua de sine. Un fel de pierdere de inocenta venita din analiza perpetua de reactii si din cautarea controlului de sine.
Totusi mi-ar fi placut sa dezvolte mai mult unele idei precum ca in spatele oricarei temeri este de fapt o dorinta.
Precum ca fiecare are o componenta negativa a personalitatii care ne ghideaza comportamentul si caracterul in directii extreme si care poate deveni o tendinta patologica, daca o lasam sa se manifeste, sa se cronicizeze, sa se permanetizeze. Si, in acelasi timp, ... "este de datoria fiecaruia ...sa ramana vigilent si atent pentru a nu se lasa antrenat...de reactiile interlocutorului" care are bineinteles propria componenta negativa dominanta a personalitatii. Si, in plus, "sa fim atenti la ceea ce stimuleaza sau inhiba celalalt in noi".
Precum "comunicarea relationala" pentru dezvoltarea unui "plus de coerenta... capacitatea de a te implica si de a dobandi o autonomie reala, ancorare, personalitate mai ferma".
Cartea ne invata, mai intai, cum sa preluam controlul asupra noastra, "curatandu-ne ranile printr-o actiune simbolica de restituire a violentelor primite sau de luare inapoi a violentelor facute... Cand violenta nu este descarcata, inapoiata, ea se va intoarce impotriva noastra... Constientizarea nu este suficienta; ea trebuie intarita prin actiune, trebuie sustinuta in timp printr-un angajament care sa se bazeze pe acte simbolice si pe nevoia de a pune in cuvinte ... ceea ce ne va permite sa ne respectam in mod activ si adecvat."
Apoi ne invata despre importanta naparlirii din dependentele si "misiunile reparatorii" date de relatia cu parintii si importanta construirii independentei si respectului de sine.

[Motahasser · Rating 2 out of 5]

اگه از افرادی هستید که با خواندن جملاتی مثل "از فعالیت آنتنی ناشی می‌شود که در نیمکره راست مغز قرار دارد و نشانه‌هایی را به سمت دنیای نزدیک یا دور مخابره می‌کند" افسرده یا دلزده می‌شید (منم در این زمره‌ام، منتها تمرین صبر کردم) قاعدتا لازم نیست ادامه‌ی مطلب رو بخونید. پژوهش جایی در کتاب نداره و نویسنده نظراتش از قبیل "منشا بسیاری از سرطان‌ها را باید در این جستجو کرد که بسیاری مواقع عشق حیاتی و مهمی را که برای یکی از نزدیکانمان داشتیم در نطفه خفه و انکار کرده‌ایم و باعث شدیم تا صدمه ببیند" رو می‌گه که بنظر من تو این مورد بنابر احتیاط مستحب ابراز کنید. از تقابل اسطوره و فلسفه می‌گه، دلتنگ قرون وسطی‌ست که می‌شد هم فنی بود، هم کیمیاگر، هم پزشک و ...؛ دعوتمون می‌کنه با نمادها آشتی کنیم. می‌گه "طول سال‌ها فهمیده و به خاطر سپرده بودم که ضمیر ناخودآگاه ترجیحا به سه زبان با من سخن می‌گه: رویا، کارهای انجام نشده و تپق زدن‌ها"، اشاره‌ای به نظریه‌ای نداره ولی جایی خودش رو مدیون نوشته‌های یونگ و دیگران قلمداد می‌کنه؛ می‌گه حس کرده که می‌تونه برای ضمیر ناخودآگاهش با سه زبان "شعر، داستان و تخیل هنری" پیام بفرسته.
مقدار زیادی از کتاب داستان‌هایی از زندگی این مشاور روابط و احتمالا مراجعانشه و در فصل‌های آخر کمی هم راهکار جمع و جور کرده، مثلا در فصل شیوه ESPERE چارچوب اصلی تغییرات؛ "چه باید کرد؟"های اجمالی رو برای اینکه مثلا "اجازه دهیم بقیه ما را تعریف کنند" به "موضع خود را روشن کردن، خود را تثبیت کردن" یا "پیش‌بینی کردن امیال دیگری و به جای کسی فکر کردن" به "دعوت از طرف مقابل برای اینکه احساساتش را بیان کند" و ازین قبیل ارائه کرده. در فصول آخر بوی بودا می‌گیره کتاب؛ بر چهار مسئولیت‌پذیری آگاهی، مسئولیت‌پذیری در قبال کیفیت روابط ما با دیگری (تو این مورد تاکید داره که پیام‌های منفی و خشونت‌بار رو به ارسال‌کننده برگردونیم)، مسئولیت‌پذیری در زمینه تعهد (تو این مورد می‌گه آدم تغییر می‌کنه و نباید سوخت و ساخت، و خودمون رو تو وجود دیگری گم نکنیم) و مسئولیت پذیری در عمل. و در آخر بگم که اون جمله "دوست داشتن خود، از دوست داشتن دیگران، مهم‌تر است ما بیش‌تر از آن‌که با دیگران زندگی کنیم با خودمان زندگی می‌کنیم. بنابراین باید شجاع باشیم، شهامت به خرج دهیم، خواسته‌ها و نیازهای خود را به زبان بیاوریم" به نسبت دید خوبی از کتاب می‌ده.

[Βασίλης Πιτσιλαδής · Rating 5 out of 5]

LE COURAGE D ETRE SOI
Εκδότης: ΕΝΑΛΙΟΣ, 2007
Κατηγορία: ΨΥΧΟΛΟΓΙΑ
Εξαιρετικό.
Η τέχνη της ενσυνείδητης επικοινωνίας. Συμπεριφορές και στάσεις ζωής που λυτρώνουν τον άνθρωπο από τον κοινωνικό καταναγκασμό και τον καταναγκασμό της εξουσίας των άλλων.
Πώς να μάθουμε:
-να ξεπερνάμε τη βία, τις πληγές και τον πόνο που μας ανάγκασαν, πρόσωπα και καταστάσεις, να υποστούμε
-να ξεχωρίζουμε τα αισθήματα από τα συναισθήματά και να μην επιδιώκουμε εξουσία πάνω στον άλλο
-να μπορούμε να «ακούμε» τις ανάγκες και τους φόβους του εαυτού μας
-να εμπιστευόμαστε τη διαίσθησή μας
-να αντιμετωπίζουμε τα εμπόδια της ζωής και να παίρνουμε το ρίσκο που μας οδηγεί στη λύτρωση
-να βιώνουμε τα πένθη μας γιατί μας βοηθούν να μεγαλώνουμε, να ωριμάζουμε και να γινόμαστε πιο σοφοί.

[N · Rating 5 out of 5]

The start was rocky; I didn't quite think I'd get a lot out of this book, because the information is highly concentrated and my attention span was not ready for a book like this. By the time I have finished it, I made a plan to buy this tiny book and keep it close, for whenever I need a reminder on how to communicate more efficiently, and not get lost in the swirl life puts us in on a daily basis.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un autor prolific în literatura de psihologie, Jacques Salome ne oferă aici un manual pentru momentele când trecem prin decepții, neîncredere în forțele proprii sau necazuri.

Deși titlul este destul de cuprinzător, lectura cărții ne poate produce și momente de descoperiri ale anumitor aspecte ale propriilor personalități ce nu le cunoșteam în prealabil.

[Lamprini · Rating 2 out of 5]

A difficult book to understand if you are not very well versed in the psychology of people! You need to know the concepts and definitions mentioned well enough to fully understand it! Nevertheless, everyone sees themselves in some chapter of the book and that is the most important thing that reading it offered me.

[Suufi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Put in a more articulated tone, & built on a lot of thoughts I had about the concept of societal ‘masks’ which Salomé harps on, and how conformity can cripple you considering the ever changing status quo of what’s societally acceptable- without unapologetic authenticity you can never have a full life | sidebar I now understand why people like French so much

[Elif · Rating 4 out of 5]

La partie qui m'a le plus marquée était celle sur la notion de souffrance. Sa manière d'aborder les choses a été une révélation pour moi. Le début et la fin se révèlent un peu compliqués à comprendre.

[Andreea Pădurariu · Rating 4 out of 5]

O carte interesată.
Nu îmi sunt străine ideile abordate de autor, probabil de aceea n-am avut același interes ca cel pe care l-am simțit în momentul în care am aflat pentru prima data despre ele.
Aș spune că merită citită.

[Eliza · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF @50%

[Tatiana Z. · Rating 3 out of 5]

O introduce în arta de a comunica la nivelurile profunde ale conştiinţei, pentru a pune bazele unor relaţii vii şi armonioase cu sine şi cu ceilalţi.

[Rebecca Mari-Mohl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un must in biblioteca fiecărui cititor. De citit, de luat aminte, de învățat. Salome e un tip pe cinste, mie mi-a plăcut teribil.

[Burean Vlad-Florin]

Esti responsabil doar pentru tine!

[Andreea · Rating 3 out of 5]

too many complicated words for something others have described much easier...

[Fanny Aime · Rating 4 out of 5]

Encore de belles réflexions partagées par Mr Salomé. Parfois décousues au niveau des sujets abordés, ce livre n'en reste pas moins un bel outil de réflexion.

[LO Lorelei · Rating 4 out of 5]

Salome are un talent ca, prin scrierile sale, sa ne arate cum ne autosabotam. Dar ne si invata ce e de facut pentru a nu o mai face.

[Purple Booklover · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5*****.

[Marcia Imhoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un concentré de bon conseil. A lire en plusieurs fois pour bien s'en imprégner !

[Nolwezie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Le courage d’avoir fini ce livre.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Des idées intéressantes, une perspective différente sur les événements de la vie.