The Dim Sum of All Things

by Kim Wong Keltner

"Have you ever wondered: "

Why Asians love "Hello Kitty"?

What the tattooed Chinese characters really say?

How to achieve feng shui for optimum make-out sessions?

Where Asian cuties meet the white guys who love them?

Then you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll realize this book is better than a Broadway production of Cats when you read scenes that include:

twenty-something Lindsey Owyang mastering the intricacies of office voicemail and fax dialing

an authentic Chinese banquet where Number One Son shows off his language skills by speaking "Chinglish"

dating disasters with grandsons of Grandma's mahjong partners

the discovery that the real China looks nothing like the pavilion at Disney World

karaoke

And all the while Lindsey is falling in lust with the "white devil" in her politically correct office. But will Grandma's stinky Chinese ointments send him running? Or will Lindsey realize that the path to true love lies somewhere between the dim sum and the pepperoni pizza?

Genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Asian Literature, Romance, Humor, China, Asian American

352 pages, ebook

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Sherese · Rating 1 out of 5]

Disappointing fiction about young Chinese woman's struggle to intergerate her Chinese racial/ethnic identity with her typical Middle Class American upbringing in San Francisco. Four words - " Hoarder of All Things Asian", the author loves this phrase to describe white men who seek and only date Asian women because they want the "stereotypical" Asian female. What's disturbing is not this concept, because I believe there is some merit to this, but the fact the lead female character Lindsey could be described (even at the end of the book) as a " Hoarder Of All White Men". She won't even entertain the idea of dating a Chinese ( or in general an Asian man), she quickly dismisses & stereotypes every single last Asian male character. As a observant outsider and non-Asian, but trained social scientist this speaks volumes to me and reitierates current mating/dating trends within our society. As my old Multi-Cultural Psych Professor (who happened to be half-Japanese) used to say, " The highest rates of unmarried individuals are Asian men and Black women. You all should get together and stop being lonely." But for obvious socio-cultural reasons, I don't see this trend changing at all so it might be time for someone to start a dating service for Asian men seeking Black women and vice versa. Good Luck!

[Melissa · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5 stars. Never judge a book by its cover. *sigh* It was the cover and the little blurb on the back that had me buying this at a library book sale a while back. I should also stop with the habit of needing to finish books that I start! The book had potential, but the overly-flowery prose and the quick-to-judge, insecure, superficial main character was just too much. She goes around labeling any white guy she meets who seems slightly interested in Asian culture as a "Hoarder..." (and yet she only dates white guys). She also comes across as one of those people who would be nice and friendly to you one-on-one but then ignore you and pretend she doesn't know you when she's around a 'better' crowd. 1/2 a star for being set in San Francisco, a few words of Cantonese here and there, and the last fifth of the book, where Lindsey finally learns more about her grandmother's past. But, for me, it was too little too late. Incidentally, people who know nearly nothing about Chinese culture might get something more out of the book -- a lot of time is devoted to describing red envelopes, lion dances, etc.

[Jocelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely hilarious. I finally feel like I am reading about someone I can relate to. This fictionalized ABC (American Born Chinese) and her (mis)adventures in dating, work, family and life in general ring far-too-true for comfort at times.

I cringed at my OWN memories while reading the equally cringe-worthy (though much more amusing as it wasn't happening to me) experiences she had while finding the right guy (what does she call those yellow-fever types again?) among other job and family related (is) fiascos (too strong of a word?).

Any person, whatever their ancestry or upbringing, who has felt misplaced and misjudged in their environment because of a concept of how things are "supposed to be" will enjoy this book. A light-hearted look at the weirdness that is being one of many "types" in this even weirder melting pot we live in.

[Tracy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed this. Didn’t love it but I did love the trip to China and Lindsey and Michael’s drive through the countryside.

[Alena · Rating 2 out of 5]

The protagonist of this book, a young Chinese-American living in San Francisco, is extremely annoying. She's whiny, self-absorbed, and is at the same time obsessed with and disdainful of her heritage. I don't think that was the author's intention in writing this book, but that's certainly how it came off to me. The author also overuses adjectives and other descriptive phrases, oftentimes repeating herself. The ending is pat and corny and the character has barely grown over the course of the book. I definitely don't recommend this one!

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first I was thinking of saying that this book is Asian Chick-Lit, but it is so much better than that. It is the humorous tale of an American Chinese woman in her early 20's, still trying to find herself. She lives with her grandmother in San Francisco and she has a crush on a white guy at work and she's not sure how that will be received by her family. She is a woman in two worlds, trying to come to grips and embrace her Chinese heritage and also realizing she is totally American. It was interesting with a fast moving, funny plot. Plus, I learned some things about Chinese culture I was previously clueless about. I would definitely be interested in reading more from Kim Wong Keltner.

[Joyce · Rating 1 out of 5]

Amy Tan she is not.

A "3rd generation" Chinese woman growing up in SF and her world viewpoint. I thought it might be funny and interesting to relate to Lindsey's story.

Turns out there is no story. I think the *aim* was for a Bridget Jones genre love story.
Plenty of authors don't have a story per se (David Sedaris), but Wong Keltner had little ability in creating a character. She merely listed observations of a Chinese woman's viewpoint with a wee bit too much snark and not enough humor. The book is also written in the 3rd person, which distances the reader further from any possible relation to Lindsey.

Brand name dropping, for no purpose: I felt like I was standing under a tree at Costco for fear I'd get bombed again.

Most annoying, she made use of waaay too many similes.

[David Schwan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a particularity deep book but fun to read. Set in San Francisco it covers a lot of the culture of the city. A fair amount of the novel is set in Chinatown, and we are presented with a good view of working (non tourist) Chinatown--at least 2-3 times a year I go shopping on Grant street. The novel starts well but the last 100 pages seem rushed, as if a page limit was looming or a deadline for publication was looming. The comedy found earlier in the book was not sustained. The hippie ABC Aunt was an interesting character, the author could probably write an interesting book about her.

[Juliana · Rating 1 out of 5]

The main character was not likable in the least. It's hard to understand how a mid-twenty something year old can act so childishly regarding her crush. Also, the way this novel deals with stereotypes is confusing. I'm not sure if it's trying to reinforce the idea of Asian stereotypes or trying to break them down. Either way I was very disappointed in this book and how it portrayed immigrant families and Asian Americans. The writing became tiresome with too many metaphors and similes that hardly made sense. Overall, I would not recommend.

[Joanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were a few funny moments in this book but overall it wasn't that great. It's about a Chinese-American girl who begins dating a white guy. The back cover sounded so funny, I was really disappointed.

[Alvin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chick-lit style writing (acerbic, breezy, and not overly concerned with literary finesse) is used to describe the day-to-day work and romantic struggles of a young Asian woman who is simultaneously obsessed with and ambivalent about her heritage. The sometimes overly broad humor (pun not intended) is counterbalanced by a focus on the perpetual micro-aggressions suffered by the protagonist and a trip to China, during which she starts interrogating her first world mindset.

[Kenneth Horner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book but not necessarily for the actual writing of it but due to one simple reason. It is slightly like how me and my wife got together in book form.
We are a mixed race couple. My wife Chinese and myself Caucasian. There was some racial barriers put in front of us that we got over. So I can relate in a way to the characters.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book!

Yes, the main character is superficial, but it comes across as a very honest telling. I love that she does stupid stuff and gets herself into vulnerable situations, like where she could have been raped by some random stranger, and yet she goes on about life, and things turn out fine. Why do I love that? Because it's TRUE! Crazy stuff like that really does happen ... we get drunk and end up pooping all over ourselves because there was never any friggin' bathroom when you needed one, and then having some random people hose us off in the bathtub. You just never know.

Having been a single in San Francisco for many years, and having had many experiences, I could TOTALLY relate to the stories in the book.

I would definitely give this 5 stars, EXCEPT. The narrator pokes fun at vegans at every opportunity throughout the book ... for example, she has a hippie woo-woo auntie who makes vegan dishes that everyone in the family avoids like the plague; and the omni narrator and her omni love interest work at a vegan magazine and get interrogated by the vegan staff ... they even have to do a "breath test" to see if they have had any meat.

I actually could see the humor in a lot of these situations, and especially the part where her love interest was covering himself in hippie spices and doing something like the mambo to shake the spices all over himself, in the break room, prior to the breath test ... that was HILARIOUS. BUT! The narrator takes pot shots at vegans the whole time, and NEVER EVER gives gives them one shred of redemption.

How EASY it would have been to fix this! At the end of the book, during the holiday celebration, when the auntie brings another of her lentil loafs or whatever it was ... and nobody wanted to try it, and finally at the end they did try it ... the author could have said something like "You know what, for once Auntie's crazy vegan dish tasted pretty good." I mean, the poor auntie ... throughout the whole book, she is always so caring and means so well, while being the constant object of derision because of her vegan food. It would have been so nice to give the auntie a break, show some love! Instead, no, once again, the result was that Auntie's crazy vegan dish tasted terrible. That really sucked. I mean, all the author had to do was change one sentence, and the whole thing about making fun of the vegans the entire time, would have been forgiven.

For the other folks made fun of in the book, like the beige guys / hoarders, it seems they do get a chance to redeem themselves and show that they can be good after all. But for the vegans, there's just this constant rant against vegans, and it never lets up, not even at the end. :( Oh well!

[Dana · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not funny or insightful, or even particularly well-written. The protagonist spends the book trying to avoid white men who have a fetish for Asian women but falls for one anyway. She doesn't spend any time at all examining why she (a Chinese woman) is attracted to white men. In fact, she and her (also Asian) best friend have never dated Asian men. Seriously, one girl tells the other, "I hear they (Asian men) have small penises." This book is the Dim Sum of unexamined interracial dating. Avoid.

[pinkgal · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are plenty of Asian-American-struggling-to-reconcile-two-cultures books out there. This wasn't bad, but it wasn't all that great either. One memorable part, however, is the kitty-chan toaster and the drinking of ovaltine. =) Read to find out what I mean. If you're looking for a book about that particular struggle (and oh, I've read plenty of them) Gish Jen's Typical American is a good choice. Another one I'm quite fond of is, unsurprisingly, Amy Tan's The Joy-Luck Club.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love books that make me laugh out loud, prompting my husband to ask, "What's so funny?" There are so many funny moments, funny because they're believable, that I feel like I read almost the whole book out loud to him.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Keltner's wry observations kill me. I'm not sure if it's an Asian-American thing, but I see a lot of myself in her words. Her detailing of life as a product of two cultures is simultaneously extremely specific and completely universal and makes for a really enjoyable summer read!

[BarbNZ · Rating 1 out of 5]

I lost patience with this book. Started promisingly enough and I enjoyed the subtle incorporation of explanations of Chinese culture. But... the main character lacked likeability and I found her a bit insipid.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a cute book and perfect for a light read. I found myself laughing out loud quite a bit. I related quite a bit. It is a light read and perfect to wind down.

[Gold Dust · Rating 3 out of 5]

A dark humor kind of book that is honest about how disgusting San Francisco is (9, 16), the hypocrisy of “diversity in the workplace” (18), and how racist and self-hating Asian American women are. This is not a romance book, but more a book in which (Chinese) culture and place (San Francisco) are the focal points. There is a little bit of romance in it, but it’s just a small part of the main character (Lindsey)’s life. There is no clear plot or anything she wants strongly. The story is just her living her day-to-day life.

A better name for the book would be “The Hoarders of All Things Asian,” because that’s what the main character talks about the majority of the time, and it’s also what makes the book unique. The book doesn’t have anything to do with dim sum specifically, although there is talk of eating lots of different Asian dishes, of which dim sum is just one.

Lindsey is a self-hating beta Asian female annoyed that a bunch of beta males want her (3). Beta white males are not good enough for her. She assumes they all fetishize Asian females, because they imagine that Asian females are all docile and submissive (3, 36). She not only has no romantic interest in beta whites, but she also hates them; she wants them “corralled into a muddy pit, where they would remain, wallowing in miserable, Woodstock-like conditions for all eternity” (4). Beta Asians are not good enough for her either. All Asian males are betas to her; she rules them out automatically based on their race (20, 39).

She wants better for herself: a museum-quality alpha white male (30). A six foot tall one with squarish shoulders and a “sullen, brooding kind of masculinity” (26, 29). She forgives Michael’s annoying messiness when he flirts with her (26). Asian males would be more likely to have the maturity and hygiene that she seeks (246), but apparently their race is unforgivable. She fantasizes about Michael having “the Cro-Magnon urge to pounce on her, carry her back to his cave, and impregnate her” (29). Sexism is apparently okay when it’s being done by an alpha male rather than a beta.

Lindsey dislikes her Asian heritage (51). She hides that she likes Hello Kitty, and she hides her Chinese stuff when a guy comes over to her place (93, 170, 249). She is not into Asian culture at all (34), and that’s likely why she dislikes white beta males only being into her for her race.

People might call the book racist, but it’s an accurate portrayal of a true phenomenon: most Asian females are exactly like Lindsey. They want to be treated like they’re white, and they want alpha white males for their partners. And I’m glad that this novel brings this issue to attention rather than trying to hide or deny it. Another novel that brings it up is Hapless Hapa by Gail O. Dellslee, only from the beta Asian male’s perspective. Lindsey “flirted heavily with guys and then pulled back and ignored them” (30). Girls like Lindsey are why guys like Harvey exist. It’s why Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree.

Spoilers:
Lindsey was obsessed with Michael throughout the first part of the book, but she doesn’t let him know that she cares so much. It’s surprising and unrealistic that he puts up with her rude and distant behavior. She hypocritically wants nothing to do with him when she finds out he has tube socks, even though she herself wears knee highs (249). She starts ignoring him when she finds out that he used “The Slant” as the name of his humor column (255), yet she herself describes her own race as having slanted eyes (205, 265). Dr. Seuss’ book “If I Ran the Zoo” got called racist for describing slanted eyed people, so if he’s racist, Lindsey must be too.

[Leeann · Rating 2 out of 5]

With a clever title and charming cover art, this book was on my "to read" list ever since it came out years ago. I had really high hopes for this book, but found it overall disappointing. The biggest reason for this disappointment comes from the main character, Lindsey. Lindsey is an American-born Chinese (ABC) young woman, living in San Francisco with her traditional grandmother (Pau Pau--who is my favorite character and her story is far more interesting than Lindsey's). Lindsey is torn between her American upbringing and her Chinese heritage. She explores this discomfort in a series of vignettes that don't quite add up to a plot, but are merely a series of events. There is a loose plot of Lindsey having feelings for a fellow co-worker (Lindsey is an over-educated wage slave at a magazine--Vegan Warrior), but being conflicted because he is white and she has a theory about white men and their fetish for Asian women. Michael really isn't fleshed out as a character so it's not quite clear why you should root for him and Lindsey to get together. Likewise, Lindsey is kind of passive and whiny. She complains about all of her grandmother's "stinky Chinese medicine" and "weird food" while enjoying a rent-free life in San Francisco with a grandmother who cooks delicious homemade food for her. Lindsey also has no career ambitions; she whines about her job and constantly reminds the reader that she speaks French and has a literature degree but doesn't seem motivated to do anything about it.

All in all I felt like I was reading the first draft of a novel rather than a completed manuscript. Things get interesting when about 2/3 of the way into the book Lindsey goes to China with Pau Pau and the reader learns of Pau Pau's struggles in coming to America after WWII. That story, along with the story of Lindsey's grandfather and her "Uncle" Bill would have been so much more interesting to read if it had been developed more. There are flashes of greatness throughout the book and I hope to see more from the author as she develops her voice.

[Rebecca Moll]

I love stories with young adult protagonists. Their actions, inner thoughts, their blunders and observations, as they figure out their life, resolve their conflicts, offers an unseen light, a different perspective than those older adults, who should have figured it all out.

There is no end to learning. Wisdom is not time dependent.

A few years back I completed a creative writing course at a local community college, purposely choosing community college instead of graduate level, for the sole reason I wanted to be among young minds, different lives. It was a wonderful and rewarding experience. I learned so much by just listening.

So, for me, Lindsey Owyang and her grandmother, Pau Pau, are The Dim Sum of All Things, the spectrum of all things in life, one end to the other, each casting their own light. And just like color, just like life, it is in the mix, the good and bad, happy and sad, that you find your place in life, your true hue.
A refreshingly lovely book that is good for the soul, sweet for the heart, and a story worth sharing.

[Shiantel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t feel like this book knew what it was trying to be. It at times detested yellow fever but at the same time the main character seemed to delight in being the subject of it. It was a celebration of Chinese Americans, but also maybe some Twinkie vibes??? Depictions of interactions between white people and Chinese Americans also felt considerably over exaggerated. I know this was written in 2004 but I really didn’t like the depiction of the Chinese community as hating all white people and interracial couples. The main character eventually has her come to Jesus moment but it comes far too late and is too rushed and feels empty (or weirdly like she’s fetishizing her own culture I dunno).

This is not what I would read to understand contemporary Chinese Americans.

[Siobhan Ward · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really don't know what I was supposed to get out of this book. Lindsey was absolutely unlikeable with no redeeming qualities. She was rude and mean to everyone around her and truly had nothing likeable about her. There was no clear direction in the book until the very end, and I really don't think a very descriptive scene of Lindsey pooping herself at a party was needed. I considered adding an extra star to my rating because I did like how the book wrapped up, but the first 300 pages of the book were so unlikable that I should have DNF'd it, and I just can't justify a better rating.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delightful, particularly the dialogue between family members. Set in San Francisco, Lindsey Owyang discovers her true self. An American-born Chinese woman who lives with her maternal grandmother Pau Pau searches for her place in the world as she becomes thoughtful about family rituals and relationships,and learns about her family's past. Author Kim Won Keltner has a delicious sense of humor. A really fun read, hard to put down.

[NJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

The main character in this book is so dry, critical, insecure, and hypocritical that I almost couldn't finish reading. She seems to resent her culture, relatives, and life situation, yet becomes super offended when she sense a hint of accidental cultural appropriation from someone she cares about. Can't figure out what her love-interest (who is barely a focus of the book) even sees in her. Ready to shelve this book and never think about it again.

[Ally Chin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted to write a really long review for this but I’m feeling lazy—I was close to giving this 5 stars and I genuinely think I only enjoyed it as much as I did because it’s about an ABC twenty something year old who only likes white guys 🙄…
Yeah she was pretty annoying but very relatable. I was just proud of my limited Cantonese making an appearance here, and maybe some other deeper things I won’t get into right now.
It’s not for everyone but for my few ABC friends I definitely recommend.

[Rebekah Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is billed as a romance but I actually think there is more focus on Lindsay's relationship with her family & learning more about her Chinese heritage. Her grandmother Pau Pau is my favorite character. Not only is she a source of wisdom but she's also hilarious. May have to check out other books by this author.

[Denise Tarasuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

What fun! I thoroughly enjoyed reading The Dim Sum of All Things! There are so many lessons to learn from the characters. Kim Wong Keltner spins a story that kept me reading on! I had to go for Dim Sum this morning as I finished the book. Such a delightful page turner that made me feel good!

[Olga · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh.
I wanted to like it. Honestly, it wasn't so bad at first, but then it happened. Not to spoil anything, but close to the end Characters Started Acting Like They Are Stupid For No Good Reason. And when that happens, I cannot bring myself to forgive it, the whole thing is ruined for me.
Too bad.