13 is the new 18 : and other things my children taught me while I was having a nervous breakdown being their mother

by Beth J. Harpaz

“I wonder sometimes if there’s something to the old superstition about the number thirteen. Maybe that superstition was originally created by the mothers in some tribe who noticed that in their children’s thirteenth year, they suddenly became possessed by evil spirits. Because it did seem that whenever Taz was around, things spilled and shattered, calm turned into chaos, and tempers were lost.”So laments the mother of one thirteen-year-old boy, Taz, a teen who, overnight it seemed, went from a small, sweet, loving boy to a hulking, potty-mouthed, Facebook/MySpace–addicted C student who didn’t even bother to hide his scorn for being anywhere in the proximity of his parents. As this startling transformation floors journalist Beth Harpaz and her husband, Elon, Harpaz tries to make sense of a bizarre teenage wilderness of $100 sneakers, clouds of Axe body spray (to hide the scent of pot?!), and cell phone bills so big they require nine-by-twelve envelopes. In the process, she begins chronicling her son’s hilarious, sometimes harrowing, indiscretions, blaming herself (“I am a terrible mother” becomes her steadfast refrain), Googling unfamiliar teenage slang, reading every parenting book she can get her hands on, and querying friends who also have teens. From a derailed family vacation where Taz is more interested in trying to get a cell phone connection than looking at the world’s largest trees (boring!), to a prom where Taz is caught with liquor, to a trip to Australia sans parents in which Taz actually doesn’t get into any trouble and manages to do his own laundry, the events that mark Taz’s newfound and troublesome independence are told with a wry and poignant voice by a woman who’s both wistful for the past and trying her hardest to understand her son’s head-scratching new behavior. In her quest to infiltrate his world by spying on his MySpace page (where he claims he’s twenty-two), Harpaz expands her online monitoring and soon becomes a Facebook addict. She also reflects on her own youth and entry into middle age, and in the process achieves hard-won wisdom. A book for any parent of teens—be they girls or boys—13 Is the New 18 is a delightfully comical foray into today’s increasingly widening generation gap and one mom’s attempt to figure it all out with little guidance and a whole lot of misplaced guilt.From the Hardcover edition.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Humor, Memoir

Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[Stacy Jensen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh it started out with such promise! Very funny and relatable until it dawned on me that more and more of Beth Harpaz's problems with her boys were completely avoidable if she would just recognize that she is the parent and not let her son dictate life. She bemoans her fate as a pushed aside mother with a "wink, wink, nudge, nudge, isn't this way it goes with teenage boys?" No Beth, it's not. Not if you can stand your ground and be the adult here. Sheesh, I was completely irritated by the time I finished. Also, some bad language because the author frequently quotes from the Sopranos. The only positive thing about this whole experience was a greater appreciation for my son who frequently feels he is thirteen going on eighteen but other than that, resembles nothing like the boy I read about in this book.

[Jaymi Clemens · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not think this was a very well-written book about raising a teenager. It seemed to me that most of this mom's problems were actually caused by her lack of parenting skills. Some funny parts, but overall not really worth reading.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't actually want to finish reading this book because of the what I though was "boring mother complaints and frustration vented into words on paper." However, I was stuck outside waiting to take an assessment and It was either stare into space or read this book. I decided to do both. It was a really quick read AND I DON'T READ FAST AT ALL! anyways onto the review....

This book describes exactly what is going on with teenagers these( specifically boys)at this day and age. Loved the exact details that is 100% accurate of not only her view but most of the world. The whole sagging, baggy clothing is a style for teenage guys currently and ever guy goes though this period once they catch on to their peer's style and the current trend. The 120$ Jordan's, the 2 sizes to big shirts, flat rimmed hats instead of the classic bent ones, perfectly match this. I even went through this little experimentation. It did not last long though, It depends on each individual on whether or not they want to actually "fit in" which they done "fit in" they just are "camouflaged into the current trend and sucked in by the feeling of not being "cool" or the "tough guy act big and powerful look."

I have a very strong personal opinion of this. I am not hypercritical because like I said I and ever pother teenage boy will go though this exact thing. I believe it is only until you find your true self, deep inside yourself, and friends that have also done this, which most likely will end up with you all having your own personal fashion style's.I found myself after about 1 year of experimenting with this trend or the so called "norm"

I find that the mother of Taz is a perfectly normal parent. in this time and age, technology as well as fashion are constantly changing and updating, so It may confusing parents as well as frustrating them.

Of course all guys sag their pants, however the "belt" was invented for a reason. Also, like I observe watching my fellow "peeps" play sports with me, I love watching them reaching for the back of the pant's holding on to them with dear life as they would fall off when they ran if they didn't. It humors me to watch this penguin like behavior or waddling. There is such a thing as appropriate attire. Like shorts when playing a sport that requires lots of running or moving around. I am not taking about shorts, I mean shorts that fit............ I am probably the only one who where's appropriate attire when playing a sport with my fellow peeps at my school at the moment. Some kids feel they have to sad and stuff like that to feel normal and I felt the same way once, however it is finding yourself that sometimes takes a long time and this frustrated mothers. The fact that teenagers as my self should not be afraid of what other think of them. No one in my entire life has ever commented negatively on the unique way I dress. Not, to mention I have not seen bullying on the style of clothing either, however I go to a smaller school so I can't say it happens in bigger schools.

The definition of finally becoming a Man is defined as, reached the maturity level to be an adult, to be at least 18, be responsible for themselves, Do what is required of them to do in school and life and being themselves and having there own style and accepting themselves for who they are. Also, learning to not give a shit about what some people have not grown up yet say or bully you about being yourself. If you have friends. They should accept you for who you are, Not whether or not they act or look like the "NORM". THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION ON THIS TOPIC.

I really liked this book because It didn't let me vent or get my feelings out, but because It got me thinking about life and this kind of stuff. I like books that make me think and analyze not just absorb information.


Favorite Quotes from the book.


"Even the most appropriate and nicest boys who you may think as perfect have there secrets."



"I found a lock-box under his bed one say" several sentences later......." I continued my investigation. The most troubling part was yet yo come. There were, like, condoms in here! Not just one or two, but a dozen! Where did he get them? Why would he have them at his age? To be ready and safe? I was stunned."


^^^^^LOL^^^^^^

Feel free to tell me what you think of my review or would like to add something even if I don't know you. Random people are welcome to comment!~ :)

[Valerie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find this difficult to believe, but one of my boys will be a teenager any second. I think I need to read this.

I like any book that reassures me that I am not the only bad mommy out there. My son is about to turn 13...I can feel gray hair jumping out of my scalp as I write this. Although, one of my students was kind enough to say it was silver, not gray as I complained today.

[Maria Schoville · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading about My Space, starting Facebook pages, and a few other topics makes the book feel a little dated. However, there are so many situations a parent can relate to. The Global Youth Style Conspiracy, the Teenager’s Guide to Blowing Off Your Parents, the worries that are replaced with other worries… parents experience them all & it’s nice to know you’re not alone.

[Lacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny memoirs from the mother of a teenager.

[Holly · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was a gift. Now that I have read it, the kindest thing that I can think to do with it is to recycle it.

Raising teenagers can be trying, often requires humor and the camaraderie you find with other parents. This book did outline many trying situations. It also provided some humor. But I failed to connect to this author as a mom. By the end of the story I was flat out irritated with her for her complaints about her issues with her older son and the insinuation that her issues are what we all face with our own teenagers Um. No it's not.

In my opinion, many of this woman's issues with her son are a direct result of her parenting. When she tries to hide behind describing herself as "Terrible Mother" it was hard to find the deprecation funny. It's not that I thought she was a terrible mother by any stretch of the imagination - I just got tired of her hiding behind that title and failing to take responsibility for her son's behavior.

I am fairly certain that if my own 13 year old son had been kicked out of a school dance for bringing alcohol, I would not have sent him on a trip to Australia after all. The author seems confused by the fact that her son won't take responsibility for his actions. Psst...Here's a clue - you're not asking him to! I wanted to tell her to stand up and parent. Your job is to be a parent first and a friend second.

I got the impression that the author felt that when her son turned 14 everything smoothed out and that her work was done. She felt she could move on to hobbies and late dinners out with her husband. Perhaps, for her family, she's right and I wish her well. My guess is that there are a few more bumps to grow through but maybe not. Clearly we parent differently. If her approach is working for her, great.

The one gift in this book? It made me look at my own teenager and feel immensely grateful that he is who he is. Looks like my parenting strategy is working too.

[Sarah]

As someone who works with teens, I found this book really aggravating. First, this woman is annoying. Partially, her son is embarrassed and annoyed by her because she is embarrassing and annoying. Second, I failed to see what the big deal was.

Her son went through several perfectly normal things for 13 year old boys -- I see this stuff in my teens all the time -- but she was just completely unprepared to deal with it. I wasn't surprised by anything that she presented in this book as a BIG DEAL because she was largely neuroticizing and overreacting. I didn't find it funny really at all, as that I spent most of my time rolling my eyes at her. Third, she didn't seem to do much learning, besides learning not to freak out so damn much.

In a world where Barack Obama is my friend on Facebook, making a big deal about the new-wow-scary of SNS just seemed strange and out of date. Unless you live in a fairy land or under a bridge with your teen and pride yourself on divorcing yourself from reality, I would pass this one by. The best part is the title and the cover art.

[Melissa Guimont · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I'm not a parent, I found this book to be interesting based on the cover description. It's more of a humorous adventure into the lives of a teenager and his mother. It starts off with funny stories about the way teenagers dress and the male's obsession with Axe body spray. Then it moves on to hillarity with finding "contraband" in the form of condoms and pot in her child's room and the whole "facebook" revolution at the time this book was written. Whenever you get the urge to strangle a kid when you ask them what their plans are and they respond: "I'm chillin' with my peeps" you should run to this book and read it. I recommend it to anyone that has been in the presence of anyone over the age of 12 that just wonders what is wrong with them. It's very funny.

[Jo Oehrlein · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a series of humorous essays by the mom of a 13 year old boy in New York City. Her work reminds me of that of Erma Bombeck.

She tells of the perfect student who now won't complete homework and is disrespectful to teachers. She tells a story of him getting in trouble at the 8th grade graduation dance. For all the moms of teenagers, even if this isn't your kid, you'll recognize at least some aspects from your kid or your kid's friends.

My daughter (who IS 13 years old) saw the book out and was enticed by the title. She finished it before I did and really enjoyed it, although she said it reminded her more of 6th grade than the present.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first in a big pile of "parenting your teen" books I requested from the library. I thought I'd start with a light memoir to ease into the genre and relieve my worries. It did not relieve anything. I am not prepared for heartache on this level! It did open the way for a conversation with my soon-to-be-twelve-year-old boy, on what changes our relationship might go through as he grows up. He says he'll never be sick of his parents or stop wanting to hang out with us. His innocence is so touching.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Harpaz certainly strikes many familiar chords in this story of her surviving her son's 13th year. It's a sometimes very funny look at raising kids in the early years of the 21st century, when you can't decide if it's good or bad that you can reach them all the time via cell phone! And naturally, it would come as a shock that there would be any sort of generation gap, as Harpaz (and the readers) would have to be much cooler than their own, supposedly clueless, parents.

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked this up randomly at the library a few weeks ago while feeling especially frustrated by my own 13 year old. It was very cathartic to know (1) that so much of what frustrates me is just natural teenage behaviour and not pathological as it sometimes seems and (2) it could be way way way worse than it is.

This book is a quick read. Well written with lots of funny (and some scary) anecdotes about young teenagers and family dynamics.

[Jill Zitzewitz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me laugh a lot, and reminded me that all is going to be okay with this raising teenagers phase that we've hit in our family. At times I couldn't relate to the city lifestyle, but I could definitely relate to the author's parenting style. The book actually made me grateful that we don't live in the city so I still get glimmers into my kids' thoughts and friends as I drive them around to soccer games, etc.

[Corby · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a glimpse into quintessential NYC living as a middle class family with a teenage boy. A quick read with a little humor sprinkled in, as long as you aren't one of those uptight "Perfect Mother" types since there's a bit of description of young teenagers being around less-than-holy influences...

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Two years ago I would not have been able to relate to anything in this book. But, boy, did I ever chuckle and sigh in painful recognition as I read of the exploits of the author's 13 yr old son. The book is mostly a personal narrative, but I came away from it feeling a small amount of hope that someday my son might be decent person.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you've never had a teenage child then you might enjoy or be horrified as to what comes along with having a teen. This book is about the mother dealing with her teenage son. I found some parts I could relate to and other parts, I couldn't believe, how nieve the mother was!It was a cute book, but not the be all end all..

[Marnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

For any of you who have teenagers especially boys, you will enjoy this book! It has points that all of us can relate too with ourselves growing up and also what your teenager is doing these days. There were definitely funny parts in here. I can see both of my boys who are 21 and 14 in here and just laugh at yep, that's them alright.

[Tmcmath · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a funny look at a mom dealing with her son that is now 13, and what a completely different animal he has become. A great read for anyone who is crossing or in the midst of having a boy age 13.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it, but could have gone without All the Capitalization. That aside, this is a scary but funny and realistic look into what having a teenager is like these days...wondering what it'll be like when my son is a teen in another 11 (gasp) years.

[Kristen Lopez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actually, I think 11 is the new 18.

[Ceryta Holm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tore through this book in about a day. It was hilarious, and one of those "I'm not alone" kind of experiences.

[Heather St Louis · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick funny read that I found on the New and Noteable shelf at the library. Would be relevant to Moms with 13 year old boys. Mine are still young and still want me everywhere they are!

[Robyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a mother raising 2 boys this book was an interesting look into my future. It was funny and scary at the same time.

[Vicki · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting mom. Not my parenting style but I loved her take on current events like facebook.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

funniest book for any mother

[Heidi Boyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

Comical account written by the journalist mother of two boys. A must read for anyone with an adolescent teen at home. Happy to know the eighth grade/thirteen phenomenon is not unique to my home.

[Deb Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have so many places marked in this book...they are verbatim conversations in our house! It's good to know that I'm not alone...and also a little scary to think that it could still get worse.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Terrific writer---funny, lighthearted yet meaningful---great book!

[Marcia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fairly negative attitude from a mother who didn't expect much from her teenager son. Had to skim after the first disgusting chapter....