That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess

by Neeta Bhushan

The Brave Table podcast host offers a practical five-stage framework to embrace the possibilities in chaos, normalize sucky human moments, overcome setbacks with grace, and fly forward every time.

You know those awful, terrible, sucker-punch moments in life? The ones that knock you down, burn you up, or make you cringe so hard you wish it was all a bad dream? Probably–because we all do. These epic, messy, oh-no-oh-crap moments of chaos are just part of life–yet, as Dr. Neeta Bhushan shows us, they're also beautiful opportunities for change.

As co-founder of the Global Grit Institute, a mental health training platform for leaders and coaches, co-founder of the Dharma Coaching Institute, training thousands to live their best lives, and a thriving coach in her own right, Neeta Bhushan has helped thousands of people move past their heartbreaks, failures, and disappointments. And after years of research into human behavior, observing people in their worst and best moments, being a mother of two small children, and failing more than a few times herself, Neeta knows what it takes to get back up no matter what bowled you over.

That Sucked, Now What? is a real-talk guide to personal growth that draws on and embraces the suck–and helps you break through to lasting, audacious resilience. You'll learn why it's so hard to get back up when stuff goes down, how four core components of your life shape your individual Bounce Factor, and how to navigate the five stages of the Fly Forward framework through Falling, Igniting, Rising, Magnifying, and on to Thriving. Along the way, Neeta shares successes and failures of her own, from the wonderful to the WTF, in an indispensable book to pull off the shelf whenever life serves up a setback, no matter the size.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook, Personal Development

265 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 31, 2023

Reviews

[Abi Huff Hobgood]

This book left a terrible taste in my mouth. I really need to stop reading self development written by insanely privileged people who can afford to do things like leave their medical practices, fly to Paris, move to another state into a mansion, and just start a new startup when their first one fails. Who lives like this?

The entire book rang out wildly inauthentic and nonspecific. The final chapter is proof of this—our author writes about how unfair it was that an employee left her and made her life so hard by leaving. She writes about how this ex-employee left because she read this book’s unfinished draft and felt inspired… then our author writes about how she shouldn’t have left without notice because the book wasn’t finished yet so our silly ex employee wasn’t going to know how to finish the fly forward framework! Silly silly employee. “How will she know how to advocate and be her best self if she doesn’t stay working for me????” Wasn’t that the entire point?

She also perpetuated this idea that gen Z is not capable of failing and they’re unprepared for the future. Girl, you try developing your brain during a global pandemic. Let us all also remember that ALL 18 year olds since the beginning of time are unprepared for life.

[Julie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not feeling it. I don't relate to her or what she's saying. The structure and writing style were sooo self-helpy. I like my self help to have a veneer of psychology and this was more a 'manifest your destiny' type vibe. Could be a helpful read for Type A strivers with lots of family issues; a description which doesn't fit me at all.

[Mir · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book reads like any influencer self-help. At times it is modern day spiritual mumbo jumbo. That confused me at first until I looked up that the author’s doctorate is in dentistry.

The recommendations are conflicting and at times privileged. Not everyone can step away from their everyday habits to re-evaluate. Taking time away from your job to decide if it is the right one for you is a privilege. We are told to feel our emotions but don’t feel entitled. Feel our emotions but don’t let them out when they are bad. If we fail, we clearly didn’t embrace everything the author is preaching not the circumstances of our lives and society. I also do not see the difference between the author and her entitled client. Am I to believe she is successful just because she did her time and knows her audience when he didn’t? She started her career as a dentist.

I feel for her past hardships, but that does not qualify the author to direct the emotions of others. This book is so packed with personal stories about her and her clients it distracts from what the advice really is. This book is just an advertisement for her coaching and courses. This book is a complete waste of money.

[Brown Girl Bookshelf]

If you have ever felt stuck in a constant stream of bad luck, we may have just the book for you. "That Sucked. Now What? How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess" by Dr. Bhushan Neeta uses a blend of cheerful optimism and tough love to delve into the intricacies of connecting more deeply with your emotions, developing coping mechanisms for obstacles, and learning to soar despite them.

The book is divided into three parts:

In "The Magical Moment of Suck," Dr. Neeta helps readers identify the core emotions that may cause them to dwell in a negative headspace. The second part, "The Bounce Factor," discusses four factors that might hinder moving forward after a negative experience and ways to address them. Finally, "Fly Forward,” highlights the benefits of releasing damaging tendencies.

Dr. Neeta's writing is kind, gentle, and empathetic. Throughout the book, readers will find helpful journaling exercises, charts, and thought-provoking questions to aid in their self-reflection.

"That Sucked, Now What?" offers valuable advice that is well worth considering. Even as a self-help book skeptic, and generally resilient and optimistic person, I found myself reflecting deeply on several chapters. Anyone looking to embrace the joy in chaos and find magic in the mess will find something to appreciate in Dr. Neeta’s guidance.

[April · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly I picked this book because
1. I saw the title
2. all the 5 star reviews
3. I have had a TOUGH past couple of years
and - rather impulsively - I listened to the whole thing.

I loved the first section, “The Magical Moment of Suck.” It felt like the best bibliotherapy and pep talk. I do feel like a victim (more than I’d like to admit) and I do even feel entitled simultaneously - and this just helped me see what I was doing and how to get out of both of those ditches. In this first section, I was “translating” her ideas to fit my Biblical worldview as she read. Some things that synced really well with my Biblical worldview were being challenged to…

1. Choose forgiveness rather than resentment
2. Choose gratitude and contentment in all circumstances
3. Take personal responsibility and don’t blame other people for your problems.

“Amor fati” sounded good at first…but as I thought about it, loving God (who sovereignly allows what the author is referring to as my “fate”) makes more sense to me than loving fate itself. That a God who loves me orchestrates suffering for a purpose (my own good, the good of others that I will serve by being able to humbly relate to them, and ultimately His glory) gives me a lot more comfort than being a highly evolved dust particle at the mercy of some cruel fate (or Dharma or Karma) that does not care if I live, die or thrive.

I didn’t like that the book used profanity. It definitely had all the usual predictable liberal agenda-pushing and virtue signaling (watch out for the cis white males who are trying to run you over with their “privilege” - ugh).

But I feel like the rest of the book could have been written in a couple of articles…one about “The Bounce Factor” and one about “Flying Forward,” and I would have been able to understand the concepts and benefit a lot more. I got kind of “lost” in all the examples of people she gave.

I also got annoyed that it seemed like the people in her examples kept abandoning their careers as
1. doctors
2. lawyers
3. engineers
for more “fulfilling” options such as
1. spiritual-life-coaches
2. yoga-teachers
3. Stand-up comedians (lol)

[Meg · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was not for me. So long and repetitive. The “hip” lingo and phrases I found annoying. Theres no psychological evidence or studies in this book…basically just 5 steps she invented. Book could have been condensed to 2.5 pages. 😂

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, this is a book definitely written by a life coach. I purchased this based on the title and was highly disappointed when I found out that Bhushan is not a mental health professional, she is a cosmetic dentist turned life coach (so using doctor on the cover felt disingenuous because her dental degree has nothing to do with the content and gives the illusion of expert opinion). She makes some interesting points but it is so full of buzzwords and self-referential citations, it felt like listening to one of those cheap podcasts on which people talk without saying much (and note that she has a "top-rated podcast" that she consistently refers to). She takes therapeutic approaches, mindfulness, spirituality and condenses them into a commodity for easy consumption. There is no depth, there is no actual action to take. It also falls into the trap that success comes with money and self-motivated behavior.

[Amber Walisser · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did finish the whole thing because there were cool nuggets of wisdom (i.e.how entitlement can get formed vs its difference to privilege, how shame creeps up.) Neeta mentions quite often to trust her on these topics of vulnerability as if her intended audience are those skeptical of therapy; yet she also nonchalantly talks about reiki and dharma and other cultural practices not currently rooted in science as matter of fact. If I am seeking out a self-help book because something sucked, I would hope I am still continuing reading the book because it is interesting and believable. She repeating this throughout the book gets distracting.

While the book had awesome nuggets, they are completely overshadowed by long stories of individuals lives and the point is not reiterated hard enough after the story had come to an end. This happens many times in the book, while I don't mind heard about other people, I'd like to know up front in a book if the majority of the content is going to center on anecdotes that "I'm supposed to relate to" or actionable/though provoking notes to take away and stew on before the next chapter.

The writing exercises were very nice ways to end some of the chapters, if only to recenter the message of the chapter.

One other point of contradiction is where she mentions that shame is a social emotion that can come about through comparison. Yet in another chapter she talks about gratitude where comparing current comparison to something that "could be worse" i.e. being grateful to afford an apartment vs. living in a homeless shelter. This especially irks me as it can push away less affluent readers who somehow get to this point in the book. Somehow implying many other stories and affluency in the examples she uses which are relatable to a small window of readers. Very unfortunate, as I was rooting for a book written by POC to recommend to other POC.

[Roxann · Rating 1 out of 5]

Things were ok for the first half - shallow but generally fine advice, written in that cringey "relatable" self-help language. But the author lost me when she said that men have more testosterone because they're supposed to hunt and women cooperate to gather fruits and nuts. I can't take you seriously when you lean back on lazy stereotypes like that.

[Lydia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Needs more varied experiences so more people can relate to the message of resilience, knocking home flexible thinking in the small stuff and the catastrophic stuff. Message is right on, just doesn't come across for the average reader.

[Book Reviewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

That Sucked. Now What? by Dr. Neeta Bhushan is a journey of resilience, hope, and renewed faith in life. The author reassures her readers that it's okay to hit rock bottom, as life is no walk in the park, and we all face challenges. She offers warmth in her words, and there is inspiration and passion in her tone. It's the type of book that will engross readers within the first few pages.

The book centers around the author's very eventful life, beginning with her childhood, where she grew up in a loving home, the experience of tragic loss, and embarking on a career, marriage, and a path to wellness. It's a perfectly written book, where every story and experience becomes a valuable lesson shared by the author in a gentle manner. As an individual who endured loss, Dr. Neeta Bhushan is an exceptional storyteller who does an exceptional job of weaving memories and reflections on life with personal experiences.

While the author doesn't dwell on hypothetical situations, she shares anecdotal experiences and realities. When she discusses tragedy, the author shares helpful tips on how to overcome difficult situations and achieve success and uplifting words to instill renewed confidence in the reader. I found the balance of topics discussed by the author done in a balanced way so as not to lean too heavily on tragic experiences but just enough to guide readers through helpful, practical advice. Dr. Neeta Bhushan's writing style is excellent.

I found the book resourceful and gained a lot from the author's lessons and how people can embrace life, despite difficult situations, including tragedy. The author brilliantly shares how you can get yourself out of misery and rise again to a satisfying life. While not all the stories are relatable to everyone, the author has a way of conveying a message that will give readers an understanding where she is coming from and concepts that a wider audience can digest, such as privilege versus entitlement.

That Sucked. Now What? by Dr. Neeta Bhushan is an exceptional read. It's a fantastic book that gives readers a sense of empowerment over past traumatic experiences and how to overcome these situations with impressive results. I strongly recommend this book.

[Tanmeet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imagine being at rock bottom but trusting deep in your bones that there is a path to something better. We cannot prevent bad things, they happen. But the question is what do you do after they happen? Where do you go and how do you possibly find the way? This book is like a loving hand holding you every step, no joke. It's like having an incredible coach right next to you giving you the clear but compassionate guidance you need. Neeta Bhushan has not only lived through the suck, some of the most sucky moments imaginable, but she has also shepherded countless others through theirs. She knows the messy middle but she also knows what it feels like to fly forward and why that's the magic of all of it. The book is so practical, so actionable that I feel like I will keep it on my nightstand to pull out repeatedly to remind myself that there is a way If you want to not only rewrite your story but live it out in a bolder, more joyful way, you must get this book now.

[Jay K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book enough. Dr. Bushan wrote an amazing book that guides you through a truly meaningful, positive mindset shift. Broken down into three parts, with easy to digest chapters that are both insightful and actionable.

Make sure you check out the recap & reflection corner at the end of chapters!

The introduction sets the tone for the book and helps you to understand what to expect as you read through it. The afterward is one of the most powerful personal anecdotes you will ever read. Truly worth the journey through the book!

My favorite quotations are:

"We've all got a chip on our shoulder about something." (p. 52)

"Just like a satisfying gym session, a positive stressful state doesn't wipe you out or work you to exhaustion. It's about making the micro-leaps of resilience moment to moment." (p. 90)

"I can't wait for you to feel that breeze on the beach." (p. 118)

"Igniting is when we state clearly and definitively what we want." (p. 142)

[Shelli · Rating 2 out of 5]

Abandoned half way through. Typically I can tell within the first several chapters if a self-help book is a good choice for me. Often times I give up when the author goes on and on saying things like "in this book I will teach you...." and "I am qualified to give this advice because of." When that happens, my ADHD brain just shuts down and says get to the point already! I shouldn't have to listen to hours of what you plan on telling me later, just tell me already. Or when they are soo obsessed with their degrees and case studies they have been a part of that they can only talk about why they are qualified to write this book. That Sucked. Now What? doesn't do either of that. However, the author kept giving examples of people who needed help, without really going into any specifics of what they advised them to do to better handle "big emotions." Maybe she finally does in the latter half of the book, but I will never find out.

[Omika Jikaria · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for anyone who has gone through, is going through, or will go through a setback, big or small, they need to overcome (aka everyone!). Dr. Neeta provides reassurance and actionable guidance on how to move past difficult situations with a healthy dose of self-awareness and emotional resilience. She offers no-fluff advice that encourages readers to take radical accountability for their actions and reactions to anything life throws at us. I am so inspired by Dr. Neeta's emphasis on not just "getting through" tough moments but also "flying forward" past them, so that we may all flourish.

[Tempy Wright · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for work book club. Some good suggestions for better or different ways of approaching how you deal with setbacks and challenges. I found it to be a pretty quick read, and generally entertaining, but a lot of the advice was fairly glib and not really applicable to most of us. It’s not easy to shutter a failing startup, leave relationships, quit your job and go travel for a few months or move to another country. Having said that, I can appreciate my own life experiences a bit more by looking at them through a different lens as she suggests here. As with most self help books, it’s best to take what works for you from this and leave the rest.

[Kristine · Rating 1 out of 5]

“That sucked, now what?” Is precisely what I said to myself upon finishing this book.

Unless you enjoy stories of people “bouncing back” from things such as a canceled date night or getting the dance job if their dreams only to find out they don’t actually want to dance for a living, then save yourself 8 hours by:

1. Saying the phrases “bounce factor”, “sucky”, “AF” and “Queen” over and over about a hundred times
2. Changing your “victim” and “entitlement” mindset
3. Think about how you were raised and the messages in your family of origin
4. Change your mindset and think more positively!
5. Turn on music and dance

[Vincent · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST READ for people who have gone through rough patches in their life and gives you some great insights and the tools necessary to move past them and thrive moving forward. That sucked, Now What is a fun and enjoyable read that helps you let go of perfection and helps you learn to get through the tough times in your life and move on.

I really enjoyed reading this book on how to move past the sucky moments in our lives and embrace the disorder and unpredictability of life.

Highly Recommend reading this book!

[Joa Rivas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the tools and stories that we learn in this book , the book dives deep into resilience and teach us the art to allow ourselves to harness those tough times that we all get sometimes , I love the magical stories and the bounce factor technique that we can all applied with ease and flow .

I recommend this book not only to moms, friends , and entrepreneurs but teens and people that are ready for a chance , anyone to is ready to read this book this year especially as a catalyst point of human transformation.

[James Chang · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author delivers a powerful message on how to take responsibility of your actions that align with your greatest purpose fighting the many challenges you face throughout your life. It really helps you reframe your mind in the midst of your sucky moments and presents this in a fun a playful manner.

Dr. Neeta reminds us that everyone is not perfect and that life isn't always as rosy as it seems, but is able to help the reader navigate through those tough times that everyone faces. Definitely a great read!

[Pumehana Ahn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Friends, you need this book more than you know. For those of you on your transformation and healing journey: you cannot “heal” yourself into worthiness. You cannot “fix” yourself into healing.

The line “You’re trauma is valid and real and whole… You are not broken, you are not worthless….” This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this exact moment in my life.

Thank you, thank you Dr. Neeta for your message and your courage to share your story and speak love and life to our shadow selves 😭

[R.K. Emery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every now and again a book is written that is both timely and relevant. Such is the case with 'That Sucked. Now What?'.

Everyone struggles with some part of their life, be it career, finances, relationships, self esteem, or in just being unable to understand how best to deal with life's problems.

This is what Dr. Neeta Bhushan addresses in her book and she uses personal experience to guide the reader in a positive direction. I found her writing style to be engaging and to provoke thought.

Help yourself in this complex, fast moving and often stressful world... pick up a copy.

[TL Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is a simple self help book, trying to disguise itself as more. And it isn't even a good self help book unless you are rich and the solution to hardship is "I can step away from my job and take huge trips around the world." There are some good tidbits in here, but it could have been an article or two and felt more meaningful. Here it felt drawn out and a bit self serving - the idea that simply no one in the world can make it without her advice (see, talking about her employee). It does read very smoothly, and if self help is your genre of choice, you may get more out of it than I did.

[Kim Zivley · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's no book that comes closest to speaking of building resilience that takes into account the
trials and messed up moments of our past. Dr. Neeta teacher us that our emotions, all of our emotions the good, the ones we aren't proud of are all valid. That permission has been SO healing.
This is definitely a must read to change your perspective and reframe your emotional resilience and emotional health.

[Mindy H · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently had the pleasure of reading "That Sucked. Now What?" by Neeta Bhushan, and I have to say, it's a game-changer! Neeta's writing style is engaging and relatable, and her insights into overcoming adversity are both inspiring and practical. Having had the pleasure of meeting Neeta in person, I can say that she is just as amazing in real life as she is on paper. Her book is a must-read for anyone looking to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience. Highly recommended!

[Samantha Turley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eloquently and concisely written, That Sucked. Now What?, by Dr. Neeta Bhushan is a great read. The tools to make positive changes in your life are offered up in a clear and step by step fashion. We have all felt the “stuck” place that Neeta describes in her book.

This book is a complete guide if you want change but don’t know where to begin.

Give it a try. You may find yourself happier after you read it. You may also find that you have a different perspective on past situations.

[Daishanay Sylvester · Rating 4 out of 5]

I personally think that the book is amazing. I rated it four stars because I’m in a 'victim mindset,' as mentioned in the book, and need to reread it for it to be more effective for me. Objectively speaking, the author, Dr. Neeta Bhushan, uses her own circumstances and experiences with her clients through therapy to provide examples that support her reasoning about building resilience and 'bouncing back' from negative events in life.

[Giancarlo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Slapping “Dr.” on the cover leans on a dental credential to sell pop-psych platitudes. Why play life guru when the text itself doesn’t show mastery in your original field? The way the author talks about a former employee only reinforces that impression. What’s here is a career pivot masquerading as authority: success = money + hustle, credibility by cosplay. All gloss, no substance, very light on evidence, heavy on vibes, and practically zero actionable help.

[James Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hardly anyone tells you that starting or scaling a business is a deeply spiritual practice. Even fewer people give you lifelines to pull you through the difficult times that arise. In this book, Dr. Neeta Bhushan does! Through personal shares and client stories, she provides practical tools anyone can use to rebuild after personal or professional life-altering moments.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

“During a season of trying to find myself after Sucky moments, I’d say that I experienced a full reset, realizing what I truly value and desiring my life to reflect that. This book encouraged me to really get honest with myself throughout that process. Now, I feel like I can successfully redirect my life path and fly forward to where I truly want to go.”