Don't Sing at the Table: Life Lessons from My Grandmothers – An Instant New York Times Bestselling Memoir of Love, Marriage, and Reinvention

by Adriana Trigiani

Instant  New York Times  Bestseller "No one ever reads just one of Trigiani’s wonderfully quirky tales. Once you pick up the first, you are hooked.” — BookPage New York Times bestselling author Adriana Trigiani shares a treasure trove of insight and guidance from her two time-tested, common sense advice on the most important aspects of a woman’s life, from childhood to the golden years. Seamlessly blending anecdote with life lesson, Don’t Sing at the Table tells the two vibrant women’s real-life stories—how they fell in love, nurtured their marriages, balanced raising children with being savvy businesswomen, and reinvented themselves with each new decade. For readers of Big Stone Gap, Very Valentine, Lucia, Lucia, and Rococo , this loving memoir is the Trigiani family recipe for chicken soup for the soul.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Book Club, Italy, Biography Memoir, Family

240 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2010

About the author

Adriana Trigiani is the New York Times bestselling author of twenty-one books of fiction and nonfiction, including The View from Lake Como, The Good Left Undone, The Shoemaker's Wife and Lucia, Lucia. Her work has been published in thirty-eight languages around the world. An award-winning playwright, television writer/producer, and filmmaker, Trigiani wrote and directed the major motion picture of her debut novel, Big Stone Gap, adapted her novel, Very Valentine, for television, and directed the award-winning documentary, Queens of the Big Time. Adriana hosts the hit podcast, You Are What You Read, where she interviews authors and luminaries about the books that built their souls. In 2023, Adriana was named Cavaliere dell’Ordine della Stella d’Italia by President Sergio Mattarella of Italy, and in 2024, the Library of Virginia awarded her the Patron of Letters degree, their highest honor. She also holds honorary degrees from Saint Mary’s College and the University of New Haven. Adriana is co-founder of the Origin Project, a year-round, in-school writing program in Virginia. Trigiani is honored to serve on the New York State Council on the Arts. She lives in Greenwich Village with her family.

Connect with Adriana on all platforms here: linktr.ee/adrianatrigiani

Reviews

[Marjanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did. I was expecting (and hoping for) a nice story about the author's grandmothers and what she learned from them. There is some of that, but as the book goes on it kind of turns from memoir into self-help. The author seems to think that if we all just lived more like her grandmothers that the world would be a perfect place. Even worse, nearer to the end the author starts throwing in her own parenting and life opinions in. I am not familiar with the author outside of this book and I was not looking for parenting advice based on her opinion and what she's read (but didn't cite). Meh. I was not impressed.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lucy and Viola were trailblazers of their time. Modern women in a world that was changing faster than most could imagine. In Trigiani’s newest release Don’t Sing at the Table she tells the stories of these two incredible grandmothers that influenced her life. Both from different parts of Italy and transplanted to the United States just in time for the industrial age of factories and US made products. Both Lucy and Viola in their own respects were women of fierce passion and fulfilled lives.

In a matter of pages I was completely drawn in to the story of Viola and Lucy. I’ve never read anything by Adriana Trigiani, but after reading the stories of her grandmothers I want to pick up all of her books. In the past I’ve never been able to find the appeal in lengthy memoirs or even biographies of others, but Trigiani’s telling of the lives of her grandmothers was something completely different. These women were incredible! Both fierce in the way they lived their lives, though they were both quite different. Each was equally compelling and I’ve learned so much in the span of a few days spent reading about their lives.

One of the things I learned through the course of my reading was that Trigiani’s love for these two incredible women could not be categorized. There was no winner between the two grandmothers. Each had qualities that she incorporates into her life everyday and they’ve influenced many of the choices she’s made. Viola was forward thinking, a powerful woman in the world and at home. Lucy was strong and independent despite the loss of her husband early in life. And so much more from each.

Don’t Sing at the Table: Life Lessons from My Grandmothers was such a wonderful read. From the beginning, which starts out as a telling of Viola and Lucy’s incredible (but separate) lives, to the end, which transforms into a summation of tips and advice garnered from them. This was a completely enjoyable read, maybe especially because I’m no longer very close with my grandmother’s but do remember them somewhat in this same light. I’d absolutely recommend this story to anyone looking for an enjoyable read about passionate women and the ways in which you can incorporate their lives into your own.

[Vicki · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't find this book to be very interesting or enlightening. It seemed like a great book for the author to write to share with her family, but I just didn't really care enough to read her thoughts on life. I read it, and although her grandmothers seemed like very great women, I prefer not to read this kind of book. It was well written as are most of Ms. Trigiani's books, but a little preachy. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[Mary Bruno · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this book thinking that it would be full of anecdotes of growing up with Italian grandmothers. While this was a good memoir of Trigiani's experience with her grandmothers and an interesting account of the successes of immigrants to the US, it was not the story I expected. I thought at times it was a little preachy and did not have the touching stories of moments spent with relatives that are no longer here.

[Cris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Adriana shares stories of her grandmothers with us. What life was like and what I believe is missing is now. 💛

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A FANTASTIC read--author Trigiani (Big Stone Gap series, Lucia, Lucia) writes her first nonfiction piece about her two Italian grandmothers and the advice they gave her about life, love, and work.
My own Italian grandmother died 10 years ago, before I graduated from college, and Viola (Trigiani's paternal grandmother) sounds *just* like her. I felt like I was learning from her as I read this. But Italian or not, everyone is going to find something that resonates with them in this gem of a book. A perfect Christmas gift!

[Stacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting book about two fascinating women. Of course, I don't agree with all of their advice, but they certainly had much to share of value. My favorite from Viola is," Keep illusion on the screen in the local movie house; in life, face facts." My favorite from Lucy is," You only have one reputation. When your good reputation is gone, it's gone." I also enjoyed seeing inspiration for her fiction in her family and those around them.

[Carol Lander · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like I was reading about my own experience with my own Italian grandmother! Same era, same traditions, same deep ties to female ancestors.

[Onceinabluemoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love learning every aspect of her life through her many books. A blueprint to a rich full life.

[Frances · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like a hug from your Grandma! Really enjoyed this book.

[Kelly Renee · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book on a whim because it was in the Kindle $2 deals or whatever it was and I thought, hmm it could be interesting. Well unfortunately I was disappointed with this book of "advice". It's a fairly charming concept to write about lessons learned from your two smart, strong, Italian grandmothers. But this fell quite flat for me.

The author idealizes her grandmothers, which is a normal and sweet thing to do, but many parts of the book elicited an eye-roll for me. I just felt that the novel did not execute well the personal sharing & sentiment. Many times the wisdom she was conveying was problematic and the author presented nearly everything as perfect. The advice ranged from obvious (save money! pay your bills! wear classic pieces that don't go out of style! be healthy and polite! ambition is good!), irrelevant ("walk everywhere, don't even bother with a car"--this really depends on where you live, particularly if you live in the States where cities are designed for cars rather than pedestrians), problematic ("The slim figure is best" ?! "You are your good reputation"? I'm pretty sure we are not always what others think of us...) to downright offensive...long explanation on one example of this below.

"Engrave the souls of your children, not your body. It would seem that our bodies, in their natural state, are not fascinating enough. The parts must be assigned meaning. If you don't find the curve of your ankle particularly enthralling, you can tattoo it with your choice of Chinese symbols, which will be permanently engraved on your body by a man with a gold tooth who wears goggles as he operates an electric needle that spurts India ink into your flesh. Now your ankle is saying something, in addition to holding you up as your walk...The last thing you want is a boring elbow a plain forearm, or a hip without instructions. Freckles, moles, and scars are passé; bring on the Sanskrit, emblazoned across your torso like a menu from a fast food joint in Bangladesh. These days we have a need to make whatever we were born with our version of better, and in so doing, leave our permanent wisdom carved on our bodies and not engraved on the souls of our children"

I was shocked when I read this part of the book. And not in a good way. I have a thing about finishing every book I start but that excerpt really tested me. I don't even have tattoos or plans to get any but I find everything about this incredibly problematic.
What is with the disdainful and condescending tone towards people who choose to get tattoos and their reasoning for it?
What is with the bizarre description/generalization of tattoo artists?
Is the author assuming that all who choose tattoos do so because they find their body boring?
The author felt no need to acknowledge other motivations might exist?
Is the author suggesting those with tattoos are not able to share wisdom with their children?

Anyways so that was a long review for a short book that wasn't really worth reading.

[Janel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard Adriana speak at two library conferences and enjoyed her stories immensely, but I hadn't read any of her books. Curious to learn more about her and her family, I decided to read this book first.

At first I had a hard time getting into the book and relating to her stories, but as I got further into the book I found a few connections. It turns out her one grandmother grew up & lived 20 minutes north of where I grew up. Both my grandmothers were at one time in their lives seamstresses just like her grandmothers. Her grandmothers were very independent (in their own way) and strong women. I can see how Adriana looked up to them and emulates them in her own life.

The first three chapters were written in a different style than the rest of the book. So much so that I stopped halfway through and went back to the first couple of chapters and made sure I wasn't dreaming it. I liked the little vignettes around a piece of advice from one of the grandmothers better than just straight prose. I can see how in order to fill in the reader on her grandmothers' upbringing straight prose worked the best. Adriana shared how different philosophies she learned from her grandmothers' applied to her own life. At times I felt the "applications" were forced and didn't flow with the rest of the chapter. I appreciated the family photos throughout the chapters as well.

The initial story in the afterword was very touching, but I felt the rest of the afterword again didn't "fit" into the tone of the rest of the book. Maybe I had different expectations for this book. Adriana is a great storyteller, which I knew from the in-person talks I've seen in the past, but I felt the book didn't flow as best as it could have. I would recommend this book to readers that have looked up to their grandmothers and emulated them in their own life.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've loved Trigiana's work since her fictional Big Stone Gap series, the first of which I pre-ordered because I had lived in the area as a child and couldn't wait to read the book. Her novels always focus on family relationships, but in this book the focus is on her wonderful real-life grandmothers.

Both came from Italy to the U.S. with little education and little money, but learned from their experiences and became fountains of wisdom. They shared that wisdom with the author, in words and actions, and she lives by their teachings long after they've been gone.

The grandmothers were amazing women and I adored their stories. They would have been a 5 star book. Unfortunately toward the end of the book, the author started giving her own advice and I was nearly bored to tears. In her defense, most of her advice is on child rearing and I'm well past that stage of my life. Readers with young children may appreciate those final chapters.

Overall the book is well worth reading and I would recommend it to anyone.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I kept thinking, what's the point? Her grandmothers' lives were interesting, but how were they different from all the other young Italian immigrants who struggled to make it here? I think this book would have been a lot more effective if it were written in novel form and from the grandmothers' points of view. From the author's perspective, it was sort of all over the place, moving back and forth between Viola and Lucy, and I feel that the real lessons that Trigiani was trying to get across were lost.

[Mary Ellen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I won this book from the Goodreads giveaways and can't wait to read it! It was delivered promptly and in good condition. I will let you know what I think when I read it! Thank you Goodreads!

Not one of my favorite books by Trigiani. It was a little slow, but she shows a definite doversity in her writing. I'd like to see another "Big Stone Gap" book.

[Priyanka · Rating 5 out of 5]

The word you're looking for is 'rich' -- in detail, in experience, in lesson, in expression. Cooking tips, success formulas, how to be a good hostess, parenting lessons... you name it, you got it... all packaged together in this delightful read which makes you smile as well as makes you well up and leaves you feeling enriched.
Hope I get to meet you some day signora Trigiani!

[Fran Gerardi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Both my grandmothers originated from Italy. Reading this book reminded me of the values, morals, and traditions I treasure from them both. As with the author's grandmothers they were both very different yet so similar. Thank you Adriana, for bringing my grandmothers back to me and allowing me to relish in their memories once again.

[QueenAmidala28 · Rating 4 out of 5]

She hit the spot right on. Viola and Luciana did well.

The only way you can't give this book 5 stars is if you are a soulless, heartless person with a family to take care of you.

Great stories that I will tell as many people I can. Makes me hope

Yes I took notes and you will too. Families like hers don't exist anymore.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went to Adrianas' book signing last night,And had to start reading her new book with my first cup of coffee this morning.I really like her as an author,after meeting her..you can see she love what she does,which makes her so good!!!!!!

[Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a lovely tribute to the strong people in our lives who make us what we are. After reading the book I felt like I wished I had had the chance to meet Adriana's grandmothers. They were amazing people.

[Nieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trigiani, Trigiani, Trigiani. I love her and her grandmothers – Lucia and Viola. Simple and sensible things said in a way that doesn’t make you feel that you are being told this is how you should lead your life. One book that I’ll keep going back to – to revise the life lessons I learnt.

[Emily Garner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought the parts about her grandmothers were interesting enough but then she gets preachy toward the end which I hated. Skimmed through the last 40 pages and rolled my eyes a lot. Would never recommend.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not going to finish this. Seemed to me to be uninteresting, condescending, and disjointed. Ordinary. And not worth my time.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll be honest, I skipped the chapters on child rearing and money (I try not to read anything that deals with those issues), but I really liked the rest of the book.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was great especially remembering my own grandmother and how special she was to me! Thanks for sharing your grandmothers with us!

[Connie D]

I'm jealous of how much Trigiani knew about her grandmothers and how well she knew them. Although I grew up living near one of mine, I sadly never knew the details of her life. I never peered into her past work spaces or really knew what made her tick.

I have to admit I was a little exhausted by how much Trigiani's grandmothers worked and accomplished, but it reminded me how tireless that generation seemed to be, doing so much by hand. Despite the busyness of our lives now, we certainly have more free time. However, one difference is that while our grandmothers were busy with their hands or bodies, they were often still available to talk and share.

Trigiani remembers the smells, the sights, the texture of life around her grandmothers. Those details are just the icing on the true cake, which is what Trigiani learned over time from her grandmothers' actions and words.

This book is full of quotables and life lessons...read it and discover your own.

[Jeanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trigiani tells the background stories of her two Italian grandmothers, rounding it out with life lessons.

I confess I was disappointed in this book but I'm going to assume it was a reader problem. I rarely felt emotionally engaged with these two women, especially Lucia. There were moments, especially at the end, where I did with Viola. Trigiani then uses their stories to offer life tips on parenting, wardrobe, relationships, etc. For the most part, it seemed dispassionate.

Just not what I expected. And as I said, that's a reader problem.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A writers memories of her grandmothers and the life lessons they taught her. Upbeat and enjoyable on its own but also a great book for fans of Trigiani. It was easy to see that she drew on many of her family experiences in her writing. Interesting to see how her grandmonthers informed her life and her writing.

[Patricia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and also found it kind of dry and a bit preachy. No humor, or not enough.

[Marcy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just loved this book.