Since Strangling Isn't An Option... Dealing with Difficult People -- Common Problems and Uncommon Solutions

by Sandra A. Crowe

For those who feel like they are expending too much energy either engaging in conflict or desperately trying to avoid it, this refreshing, realistic guide provides accessible solutions. Readers will learn why dealing with a difficult person doesn't have to ruin their day, the habits that cause conflict, and the techniques that can turn things around. It also gives readers insight into their own power in shaping relationships, and specific advice for handling different personality types. There really is a better way!

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Business, Relationships

288 pages, Paperback

First published October 15, 1999

Reviews

[Nita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sandra Crowe's book can serve as a helpful tool for anyone seeking to better her /his working relationships with others. The book also offers help for those who hope to reduce the stress of dealing with people, in general.

Crowe has provided some valuable tips for dealing with difficult people. One of the best features of the book lies in the author's ability to subtly insinuate that YOU might be part of the problem (i.e., the "difficult one") in a given interpersonal relationship, and that YOU, therefore, hold the key to the solution. Generally, I don't read self-help books; however, this book is worth a read.

[Kristen Lopez]

I'm angry.

[Samantha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lame- basically tells you to suck it up and let difficult people walk all over you.

[Paul Grenyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was recommended this book by a friend. At 260 pages, it is much bigger than the leadership and ‘self help’ type books I’ve been reading and rereading recently. However, it was an interesting title and my friend said it had helped her. Who doesn’t have people they’d like to strangle?

I don’t think Sandra Crowe started well. At least not for people like me. In the opening chapters they are very sure that the book is going to solve your problems. It felt arrogant to me, but I persisted.

And I’m glad I did. At times I couldn’t put it down. Sandra Crowe describes lots of different, real world situations I often find myself in and gives practical suggestions and frameworks to make them feel better during or after. They helped me reinforce my understanding that you can't change other people, except a little bit sometimes, you can only change yourself or how you feel about them or deal with them internally. You’re responsible for your own happiness. While I was reading the book, it helped me to stop being frustrated by at least two people who wind me up regularly.

If people frustrate you, I think this book will help you feel better and be happier.

[Gaijinmama · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd actually give this one 3.5 stars or 7 out of 10.
This is a well-written self-help book for anyone who is interested in practical suggestions for dealing with the inevitable Pain-in-the-Keister people we encounter.
A lot of Crowe's ideas are things that those of us who read self-help books have heard before, but it is always helpful to be reminded since improving our communication skills and relationships is an ongoing process. I particularly liked the fact that Crowe has clearly studied Buddhist philosophy and points out that people we perceive as "difficult" are often our best teachers, and problems can be seen
as opportunities. We can be compassionate and focus on changing our
own reactions to "difficult" people, without being martyrs or doormats.

I'd certainly agree with Crowe's premise that it's better to leave a challenging situation on a positive note if at all possible, especially since we never know if we may need that person's help in the future. I particularly liked her anecdote about the time she hung up the phone in a huff once, only to realize that she was going to have to call back and apologize because the person she'd just yelled at had all her originals for the presentation she was supposed to give the next day.
On the other hand CRowe does point out that sometimes our best option is to walk away from a difficult interaction that isn't going anywhere, even if it means walking out of your own office.


I didn't really find anything new here but I'd recommend this book as an interesting and helpful start toward improving challenging relationships, and a useful addition to the repertoire for those of us who have been working on these issues for awhile.

[Ahmed Al sanhani]

When I was firstly looking at the title of this book, I was wondering if it is worth it to buy this book. I've decided to check the rating of this book in goodreads to see if there are a lot of people have rated this book, but unfortunately what I found wasn't what I expected, so I've decided to go throught very fast. When I went throught, I found some interesting headlines, and I read some nice quotations and that encouraged me to buy it.

So, when I started readin' it, I was telling myself "how come there is not much rating for this book, whereas there is a lot of people rating for some stupid novels"

This good book contains different strategies to use when facing difficulties whether in workplace, family etc.

[Butterfly · Rating 2 out of 5]

The information in this book isn't *bad*, it's just not very deep, and the examples aren't very interesting or fun to read. The advice centers around self-focus and changing oneself and one's emotions as opposed to trying to get 'difficult' people to change. Overall I found it quite dull reading and had to force myself to finish it. Harriet Lerner writes about similar topics (The Dance of Anger, etc.), but the writing is more engaging and I took away so much more than I did from this book. I found Lerner's examples of conflict more intriguing and relateable and therefore a more enjoyable read. I recommend anything she's written over this.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really wish I had read this sooner! Interesting new perspectives on how to take control of your own reactions for those who have ever dealt with a frustrating person.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

In spite of the title, some really good strategies. I'm going to photocopy some of them...