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Finding Your Religion: When the Faith You Grew Up With Has Lost Its Meaning
"Starting with my own experiences in college in the 1960s and early 1970s, I have learned a great deal about how people lose and find their own religion. I've come to see it very much as an ongoing process that never stops. For many people, the faith they grew up with loses its meaning during adolescence. Others who never had any faith in childhood begin exploring religion for the first time in adolescence or young adulthood. I've come to realize that there are identifiable stages of spiritual development that people go through, no matter what their religious tradition is or isn't. Just as we grow emotionally and intellectually over the years, so we grow spiritually, if we allow ourselves.-- from the bookTufts University Chaplain Scotty McLennan (the inspiration for Doonesbury's Reverend Scot Sloan) offers an indispensable guidebook to those seeking a new spiritual path or wishing to reconnect to the religion of their youth. He reassures anyone at a spiritual crossroads--those who have become disillusioned with or even abandoned the religion of their youth--that finding a relevant and fulfilling spirituality is a process of understanding one's place in any of six universal stages of faith: Magic, Reality, Dependence, Independence, Interdependence, and Unity. He offers signposts and checklists for determining where readers are own their own spiritual journey, and for helping them grow and develop. By recognizing a progression of steps toward a faith of one's own choosing, McLennan explains, one can more fully open one's soul to its spiritual destiny.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1999
8 people are currently reading
121 people want to read
About the author
Scotty McLennan
7 books10 followersThe Reverend William L. McLennan, Jr. — better known as "Scotty McLennan" — was born on November 21, 1948. He is a published author of four books, an ordained minister, a lawyer, and an educator, currently teaching ethics at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. He was the University Chaplain at Tufts for sixteen years and Dean for Religious Life at Stanford for fourteen years.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
December 16, 2022
I read this after I interviewed the author, who is/was the dean of religious life for Stanford. He inspired his friend from Yale (Gary Trudeau) to create the character Reverend Scot Sloan. I found McLennan to be very zen-like and cool. The book is allright too.
September 15, 2017
A gem I found while wandering the stacks at my local library. I made copies of the two pages that include a description of a Christian cult from the perspective of an escapee. It felt very familiar--and very affirming to encounter both the person in the story and the author characterizing churches that act like that one as cults. It is not too strong a term for the church that ate my 20s. I also copied the bibliography as a great place to find recommended reading about various religions. Really glad I happened upon this book.
December 15, 2009
Just grabbed it off the bookshelf. It was a regular literary roulette!
A few days later, Dominic saw this book on the table with my stuff and asked, "Are you reading this?"
"Yep! What did you think of it?" I replied.
"I had to get it for a class. I didn't read it because I dropped the class."
"..."
The author is a chaplain at Tufts University, which explains its (most likely primarily) academic usage and somewhat academic style of writing. It wasn't too much of a drag to read like one would expect from the ivory tower publishing gamut, but it's not something I'd seek out unless I were really at a loss as to where I stand on the religion playing field.
That is not to say I have everything figured out by any means, but as a recovering Catholic, I understand that even though the strict Judeo-Christian traditions aren't right for me, it is beneficial to pursue some route of spirituality. To that end, I've explored a random sampling of Buddhist varietals in effort to gain some peace of mind and a better relationship with the world around me.
The main message of this book is "the mountain is best climbed along marked trails," meaning it is important to have some semblance of accountability to foster your own religious growth. When discussing religion, it is too easy for people to say, "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." From what I've seen, that really means, "I don't like waking up early on Sundays, and now that I finally moved out of my mom's basement, no one can make me!" Comedian Daniel Tosh still has the best answer to this canned slackers' response with "Well I'm not honest, but you're interesting."
The author discusses the six stages of spiritual development, and I will briefly outline them here, although if you're interested in a more accurate definition of each, I recommend reading the book.
1. Magic: A child-like understanding of God as puppet-master.
2. Reality: Trying to make sense of what is literal and what isn't.
3. Dependence: Someone in your life plays a big role in your faith.
4. Independence: You detach and want to demystify religion.
5. Interdependence: Part of a community but also spiritually unique.
6. Unity: Sense of community with people of any and all traditions.
Because this book is geared toward college-age people, readers at the Independence stage will probably benefit most from this book. Those who are questioning which religion best suits their needs are generally past the point of relying on other people to shape their faith and need outside guidance (like this book) to help them along. The author is careful not to sway readers toward any particular faith, but instead he provides a number of anecdotes to explain different transitions from one faith to another.
Beyond the exploration phase, the author urges readers to engage in the practice of the religions that interest you and seek out a community that complements your lifestyle. When he was around my age, he took a trip around the world, sampling new religions in environments that tested his comfort zone. Once I got over the fact that his journey overseas was a million times more productive than mine (in a spiritual sense), I started thinking it might not be a bad idea to try again in a few years. Knowing what I know now about foreign travel, I stand to fair greater from the experience with less baggage than before.
The author also touches on some key issues surrounding having found your religion, namely, the discussion of your conversion with your parents. I actually would have liked to see a bit more on this topic, since it tends to be a sensitive issue for parents. Despite their best efforts, part of becoming an adult is making your own decisions about what you value and what makes you happy. It's important to explain to your parents that your religious choices aren't a sleight against them or how they raised you, but broaching the subject can be tedious and reluctantly procrastinated for many years.
Beyond figuring out what religion is best for you, joining a community with similar interests, and growing within your chosen faith, the author emphasizes the need to rejoice. Instead of calling to mind infinite rows of pews filled with bored people reciting songs and creeds from memory, religion can and should be a celebration of your faith and community. You shouldn't have to wait until a major holiday to get excited about your religion. I think if more people (particularly Westerners) framed religion as something you want to participate in instead of something you have to participate in, we wouldn't find so many people today trying to explain away their religious ambiguity as "spiritual".
A few days later, Dominic saw this book on the table with my stuff and asked, "Are you reading this?"
"Yep! What did you think of it?" I replied.
"I had to get it for a class. I didn't read it because I dropped the class."
"..."
The author is a chaplain at Tufts University, which explains its (most likely primarily) academic usage and somewhat academic style of writing. It wasn't too much of a drag to read like one would expect from the ivory tower publishing gamut, but it's not something I'd seek out unless I were really at a loss as to where I stand on the religion playing field.
That is not to say I have everything figured out by any means, but as a recovering Catholic, I understand that even though the strict Judeo-Christian traditions aren't right for me, it is beneficial to pursue some route of spirituality. To that end, I've explored a random sampling of Buddhist varietals in effort to gain some peace of mind and a better relationship with the world around me.
The main message of this book is "the mountain is best climbed along marked trails," meaning it is important to have some semblance of accountability to foster your own religious growth. When discussing religion, it is too easy for people to say, "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." From what I've seen, that really means, "I don't like waking up early on Sundays, and now that I finally moved out of my mom's basement, no one can make me!" Comedian Daniel Tosh still has the best answer to this canned slackers' response with "Well I'm not honest, but you're interesting."
The author discusses the six stages of spiritual development, and I will briefly outline them here, although if you're interested in a more accurate definition of each, I recommend reading the book.
1. Magic: A child-like understanding of God as puppet-master.
2. Reality: Trying to make sense of what is literal and what isn't.
3. Dependence: Someone in your life plays a big role in your faith.
4. Independence: You detach and want to demystify religion.
5. Interdependence: Part of a community but also spiritually unique.
6. Unity: Sense of community with people of any and all traditions.
Because this book is geared toward college-age people, readers at the Independence stage will probably benefit most from this book. Those who are questioning which religion best suits their needs are generally past the point of relying on other people to shape their faith and need outside guidance (like this book) to help them along. The author is careful not to sway readers toward any particular faith, but instead he provides a number of anecdotes to explain different transitions from one faith to another.
Beyond the exploration phase, the author urges readers to engage in the practice of the religions that interest you and seek out a community that complements your lifestyle. When he was around my age, he took a trip around the world, sampling new religions in environments that tested his comfort zone. Once I got over the fact that his journey overseas was a million times more productive than mine (in a spiritual sense), I started thinking it might not be a bad idea to try again in a few years. Knowing what I know now about foreign travel, I stand to fair greater from the experience with less baggage than before.
The author also touches on some key issues surrounding having found your religion, namely, the discussion of your conversion with your parents. I actually would have liked to see a bit more on this topic, since it tends to be a sensitive issue for parents. Despite their best efforts, part of becoming an adult is making your own decisions about what you value and what makes you happy. It's important to explain to your parents that your religious choices aren't a sleight against them or how they raised you, but broaching the subject can be tedious and reluctantly procrastinated for many years.
Beyond figuring out what religion is best for you, joining a community with similar interests, and growing within your chosen faith, the author emphasizes the need to rejoice. Instead of calling to mind infinite rows of pews filled with bored people reciting songs and creeds from memory, religion can and should be a celebration of your faith and community. You shouldn't have to wait until a major holiday to get excited about your religion. I think if more people (particularly Westerners) framed religion as something you want to participate in instead of something you have to participate in, we wouldn't find so many people today trying to explain away their religious ambiguity as "spiritual".
April 18, 2020
If you are interested in learning both a little bit about many religions, and also about how you might go about discovering your true religion...start here. This was such a great look at many different religions and how many of them are a lot alike, and yet different. The book is filled with stories of different people who followed different paths to find their own true religion. I enjoyed every story and cried over some, but each one made me feel closer to the human condition. I'm glad I read it and will read it again.
June 26, 2016
Eh, it was interesting, but I'm not sure I buy his premise, that there IS an already-established tradition that's right for you. Also, his "stages of faith" are incredibly condescending.
But I guess we can't all take a year off to travel the world and live with monks from every major religious tradition.
But I guess we can't all take a year off to travel the world and live with monks from every major religious tradition.
March 19, 2022
The basic idea is that each person should find their own faith, and start with the faith tradition with which you are most familiar. Avoid orthodoxy, explore other faiths, find your community, and respect others' journeys.
But it's just too full of anecdotes, his own and other peoples'. It gets too bogged down in these stories, which disrupts the flow of the reading.
The Appendix of other books to read and organizations to contact is worth a look, though.
But it's just too full of anecdotes, his own and other peoples'. It gets too bogged down in these stories, which disrupts the flow of the reading.
The Appendix of other books to read and organizations to contact is worth a look, though.
February 26, 2019
Quick anecdotal read. Nothing especially groundbreaking. Although I come away with the encouragement to just pick a path and start walking. I do not feel especially compelled to return to the religion of my youth, as the author did. Still searching.
December 5, 2024
It was good to hear from others about their faith journey. This is an honest look at what faith means to others and how it strengthens us regardless how it looks to others.
April 2, 2016
Abysmal. Infuriating. Generalizing and universalizing and all my least favorite aspects of UUism (despite being an on/off UU myself).
This is the worst example of God-centrism and how "all faiths lead to the same place! whatever you want to call God -- Science, or the Universe, or Truth, or the Ultimate Reality, we're all connecting to the same thing! :)))"
The model of everyone climbing the same Faith Mountain toward the same peak is awful. Worse is the admonition to "pick a path" and "don't forge out on your own" because, for some reason it's not worth it or it's harder or something. The only valuable words here are about how the air is thinner at the top, so we can't actually stay there for long; the way ecstatic experiences are necessarily transient. Sure, yes.
And the linear stages of faith, from "magic being children's faith" to "independence being the teenage rebel stage" to "unity is the ultimate stage (when God is all and all is God)" -- incredibly condescending and erasing. Never does he discuss faiths with magic work, nor the problems with creating a model that literally makes it impossible to opt out (because even atheists are...worshiping Science which is just God?). Very briefly he allows some students to pose objections to the linearity and infantilizing of this model, but he quickly circles back round to "but it's useful so I'm using it."
To top it all off, the way it's written is trite, boring, still incredibly Christian-centric, patronizing, slotting in a whole bunch of anecdotes that perfectly reinforce his model (and I *really* wonder if he got permission to describe some of his "friends" as being spiritually lost and so forth) and constantly writing as if he's full of some wisdom from traveling around the world one time.
Never have I been so /angry/ at a book. He mentions Shinto but fails to understand the fundamental differences in its structure from Christianity, instead citing Japanese Christian authors (and book characters! so many book characters as teachable moments!). He cites Taoism five times in the index, yet it's pretty much a namedrop and never ever engaged with as, y'know, nontheistic. He outright says that prayer and/or meditation are central to all religions (really?). There's nothing whatsoever about NRMs. He promises to talk of atheism as valid, then never does.
In short, this book is absolute trash, propping up a pet theory and ignoring the million things that contradict it, and I vehemently despise it. Don't waste your time.
This is the worst example of God-centrism and how "all faiths lead to the same place! whatever you want to call God -- Science, or the Universe, or Truth, or the Ultimate Reality, we're all connecting to the same thing! :)))"
The model of everyone climbing the same Faith Mountain toward the same peak is awful. Worse is the admonition to "pick a path" and "don't forge out on your own" because, for some reason it's not worth it or it's harder or something. The only valuable words here are about how the air is thinner at the top, so we can't actually stay there for long; the way ecstatic experiences are necessarily transient. Sure, yes.
And the linear stages of faith, from "magic being children's faith" to "independence being the teenage rebel stage" to "unity is the ultimate stage (when God is all and all is God)" -- incredibly condescending and erasing. Never does he discuss faiths with magic work, nor the problems with creating a model that literally makes it impossible to opt out (because even atheists are...worshiping Science which is just God?). Very briefly he allows some students to pose objections to the linearity and infantilizing of this model, but he quickly circles back round to "but it's useful so I'm using it."
To top it all off, the way it's written is trite, boring, still incredibly Christian-centric, patronizing, slotting in a whole bunch of anecdotes that perfectly reinforce his model (and I *really* wonder if he got permission to describe some of his "friends" as being spiritually lost and so forth) and constantly writing as if he's full of some wisdom from traveling around the world one time.
Never have I been so /angry/ at a book. He mentions Shinto but fails to understand the fundamental differences in its structure from Christianity, instead citing Japanese Christian authors (and book characters! so many book characters as teachable moments!). He cites Taoism five times in the index, yet it's pretty much a namedrop and never ever engaged with as, y'know, nontheistic. He outright says that prayer and/or meditation are central to all religions (really?). There's nothing whatsoever about NRMs. He promises to talk of atheism as valid, then never does.
In short, this book is absolute trash, propping up a pet theory and ignoring the million things that contradict it, and I vehemently despise it. Don't waste your time.
August 23, 2015
Somewhat interesting, but mostly just a series of anecdotes about how different people found religion. Had some curious quirks. The author introduces a scale of spiritual awareness, but is careful to point out that no stage is better than another. It's kind of funny, then, to see the author be pulled into uncomfortable positions when trying to explain how important it is to develop our spiritual awareness while maintaining that no one is farther than anyone else. So where the Hell are we going? Further, I don't know that the book ever really sufficiently explained why it's important to have a connection to religion. The people the author describes are mostly driven to and get strength from their specific religions for two reasons: community and purpose. But both of those are really worthy pursuits of their own, completely independent of religion. I get the feeling that these people would be happy enough to find a worthwhile job and a group of friends, and... that's it. I don't really get how God got them any farther in things. That also seemed to be what people were looking for when they tried out different religions: do I like the people and do their values correspond with mine? Weirdly, there was just no real talk of God and what God means. Just religion in a very abstract way. Weird book without much practical benefit, but does have some interesting stories - although they're all told in the same flat way that the author describes everything. Probably wouldn't recommend to anyone.
April 19, 2010
I really enjoyed this book. I didn't read it to find my religion, but to understand my own faith journey and to learn more about faith stage theory. It was an excellent follow-up to James Fowler's Stages of Faith, and much much much easier to read and comprehend.
McLennan first describes his faith stage theory which he relates to "climbing the spiritual mountain." Then he discusses eight themes (thinking, experiencing, walking, joining, sitting, suffering, rejoicing) that help you find your faith path or enhance your spiritual development.
I liked that McLennan doesn't focus on one religion, but a wide variety (Eastern and Western). He also speaks a lot about exploring religions other than your own to enrich your faith. I thought it was really helpful to read about other people's faith journeys because they acted as examples for McLenann's theory and advice.
To sum it up: This book helped me understand where I am and where I am going on my faith journey. It also helped me relate to others and their journeys. It also gave me some good ideas about how to deepen my faith and give it more meaning.
McLennan first describes his faith stage theory which he relates to "climbing the spiritual mountain." Then he discusses eight themes (thinking, experiencing, walking, joining, sitting, suffering, rejoicing) that help you find your faith path or enhance your spiritual development.
I liked that McLennan doesn't focus on one religion, but a wide variety (Eastern and Western). He also speaks a lot about exploring religions other than your own to enrich your faith. I thought it was really helpful to read about other people's faith journeys because they acted as examples for McLenann's theory and advice.
To sum it up: This book helped me understand where I am and where I am going on my faith journey. It also helped me relate to others and their journeys. It also gave me some good ideas about how to deepen my faith and give it more meaning.
January 20, 2016
This book was sitting on a shelf parallel to the check-out line at the library, and the title (and Doonesbury illustration) caught my eye as I was awaiting my turn. I had the big kid hold my place in line while I picked it up, and it's as if this book yelled out to me, "This is what you've been thinking about-- c'mon, you have to admit it." The book itself is a pretty straight-forward collection of stories, anecdotes and theory about religious and spiritual development. The author makes mention and shows respect of most major religious groups, and it was interesting to read the variety of stories shared. For me, though, the writing itself wasn't the focus of the experience of reading this book, but rather the thought process that it evoked in me. The title of this book speaks directly for me-- this is exactly how I feel, and I find myself searching for something, even though I don't know what. I feel encouraged to begin a new (or a revisited?) journey to find a religious expression that fits me.
January 14, 2012
This was a good yet simple book dealing with how there is no one way to experience a spiritual life or experience. This is the second time I have read this book and I chose it again because my faith-life is at an all time low and I needed something to get me thinking about it again. I have never been truly comfortable with my Catholicism and this was a great book to tell me how there are many different spiritual paths and I can experiment with many on my life journey. I cannot give this book a great rating because it is so simple, but I think it is an outstanding place to start as I hope to read more about religions soon.
October 15, 2007
The author of this book was the inspiration for the good reverend in the comic strip Doonesbury. This book validated for me everything that I have been going through in terms of my spirituality, and let me see that I don't need to pinpoint my destination, just know that I am going somewhere. It is absolutely non-denominational but glories in faiths, from Judaism to Hinduism, Muslim and Christian (and more!), and presents spiritual development as a six stages. I highly recommend it for people that want religion in their lives, but are confused.
January 28, 2010
The book has a lot of anecdotes and some interesting information about other world religions. There are suggestions for other books to read. The author talks about the importance of educating ourselves about other relgions, and how this knowledge can deepen our faith and understanding of others. He compares our spiritual journey to climbing a mountain and tells us that the most important step is picking a "path", even if it changes along the way. He describes different religions in a positive way, and shows how exciting a learning about them can be.
November 12, 2011
I suspect I may end up getting my own copy of this. It definitely spoke to the part of me that misses being devout, and I really appreciated the respect given to so many other religions and the repeated idea that learning about other religions can only enhance your own. I would have at least preferred a mention of neo-paganism but I respect his decision to stick to the major belief systems. There are several references to other works worth looking into (I've acquired two already). Also, Doonesbury!
November 19, 2009
Enjoyed this book. It helped me see the universality of religion and the "phases" of spiritual development. I found both of these concepts very reassuring. I feel less guilty now for my questions and lack of religious conviction and more willing to embrace the quest for meaning. The author is very open-minded and also offers lots of good information on where to continue one's personal research regarding various religious faiths.
February 18, 2013
Found it to be a lovely primer on what religion is and isn't. As an adult well out of college, I found the youth orientation a bit tiresome, but since that is the target group of the book, it was probably unavoidable. Overall, thoughtful and well done. It helped me pinpoint where I was spiritually as well (at the "seeking to be a part of a community" stage, as it turned out. Made me realize I was ready to join a local synagouge.)
August 10, 2013
A deceptively simple book to help guide you toward discovering a religious experience which is fulfilling to you. Separated into chapters titled after a mountain climb (many paths up the same mountain, get it?), this heartfelt book has the ability to describe the salient points of a given religious experience without being judgmental.
A rare example of a book which is both easy to read and full of depth, I highly recommend it!
A rare example of a book which is both easy to read and full of depth, I highly recommend it!
January 9, 2016
I really liked this one. It sort of, in my opinion, approached human spirituality from the perspective of human development and what the concept of "maturity" means in the progression of religious thought-slash-feeling of an individual human. Nice. Reassuring. It is a quest and we may change our paths along the way.
January 6, 2008
I'm on a comparative religion kick right now, starting with this book. It's not bad and certainly speaks to my point of view, but I don't feel any more inspired or enlightened now than I did before I read it.
January 14, 2009
I found it really hard to get engaged in this book, and i'm not sure why. Too many anecdotes and summaries of other, more profound, spiritual books. But it gave me some food for thought and some ideas of other books to read. Just couldn't focus on it - I guess I'm not ready to find my religion!
August 20, 2014
Led to a lively conversation about finding again the religion of your youth, or reclaiming your tradition or choosing a different path from your family of origin.. A good book for discussion and personal story-telling.
July 2, 2012
This is a book by the real life model for the priest character in Doonesbury, and Trudeau's college roommate. His very understandable book about finding yourself religiously is full of suggestions for additional reading and personal stories from all religious traditions. Very insightful.
Read
December 21, 2015I read a couple chapters a few years ago, lost interest, and never picked it back up again, so I'm clearing it off my shelf as part of my pre-New Year's cleaning. Fun fact: Although I didn't finish his book, I have met Rev. Scotty in passing and liked him.
November 24, 2016
I really couldn't decide what this book wanted to do or be. Some parts were an update on stages of faith. Others were pro-religiosity in general, and still others were more comparative in terms of religious traditions. I think I got something out of the book, but I can't even decide precisely what.
April 27, 2010
Really liked him when I interviewed him on this book for Grace Cathedral. Very evolved...a must read for anyone who needs some help with finding your religious compass.
April 19, 2011
Some useful insights and nice anecdotes but not a lot of depth.
April 20, 2012
This book saved my faith.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews