Quirky, Yes---Hopeless, No: Practical Tips to Help Your Child with Asperger's Syndrome Be More Socially Accepted

by Cynthia la Brie Norall, Beth Wagner Brust

In Quirky, Yes―Hopeless, No , Dr. Cynthia La Brie Norall and Beth Brust present short lessons, structured around specific topics from A-Z that address the social challenges faced by Asperger's children and teens. Since everyday "people skills" do not come naturally to children with Asperger's, they need training in such simple activities as:

• How to greet others and make eye contact

•How to let go and move on to new tasks

• How to cooperate and ask for help

•How to pay compliments

•How to discern someone's true intentions

• How to handle teasing and bullying

• How not to be rude.

Based on Dr. Norall's twenty years of experience diagnosing and treating thousands with Asperger's, this book will share her insights gained from helping so many friendless Asperger's children become more approachable, less stuck, and finally able to make, and keep, a friend or two.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Psychology, Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help

384 pages, Paperback

First published August 4, 2009

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

The beginning of this book has such an accurate description of Asperger's that I was blown away when I read it. I believe the author has more knowledge of Asperger's Syndrome than any of the other authors of books I have read in this subject. However, I didn't learn too many skills to help my son, as most of the suggestions described can only be applied in a group setting and there are no Asperger support groups where I live. There was also a whole lot of repetition. I read the book cover to cover and the author would describe the same game or retell the same story in multiple sections. By the end, it had gotten quite annoying to keep having to read the same thing over and over.

[Kent Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

"He has Augsburger's Syndrome," his mother told me.

Okay, she didn't really say that, but that's what I heard. Being a former Lutheran and having never heard of Asperger's syndrome it sounded like Augsburger, as in Augsburg Confession. To be honest, I thought she was making it up.

Her son, Andrew (not his real name), was in my Kid's Club class. Andrew was noticeably brilliant. Even at 6 years old he could have taught the lessons, often filling in the details for the teacher; and at times difficult. We were often at our wits' ends trying to figure out what to do about some of the behavior, and we were rather clueless because his mom hadn't mentioned Asperger's until the school year was almost over.

After some Internet searches, I found out it wasn't a Lutheran condition called Ausburger's that Andrew had, but a PPD (pervasive development disorder) on the Autism Spectrum called Asperger's Syndrome.

Here on the World Wide Web I discovered everything I had done was wrong for this child! I was able to do a quick inventory: Yep, did that wrong... did this wrong... he wouldn't have understood that... he wasn't being defiant when he refused to look at us... time outs were actually rewards... and on.

If I'd had Quirky, Yes Hopeless, No: Practical Tips to Help your Child with Asperger's Syndrome Be More Socially Accepted by Cynthia La Brie Norall, PhD (written with Beth Wagner Brust) it would have saved me a lot of trouble and made me a better help to Andrew.

This well written book's user-friendly organization is in three parts:

Part One: Asperger's Syndrome and Your Child is the best 20 pages one can read on the subject, beginning with frequently asked questions and straight forward answers.

The authors include some practical tips along with the characteristics of the condition.

For example, Aspies tend to be so interested in a particular subject in which they are often gifted, they will talk about it incessantly whether their hearers are interested or not. Because they don't read social cues well, such as facial expressions and other body language, they simply don't realize the other person is being bored to tears.

Dr. Norall's suggestion of holding up a small box and saying that you're putting that subject in the box and locking it up, so there is no more talking about it, appeals to the concrete thinking that is characteristic of Aspies. Note that this is an actual, physical box; figurative and imaginary are two things that won't work here.

Part Two: 85 Lessons for Decoding Asperger's Children is the heart of the book and guides the reader through every conceivable topic. Organized in alphabetical order; a guide at the top of the page for each topic ties-in related subjects.
For example, at the top of the page where the topic "Literal Language" begins, the reader is prompted to also see: Humor, Listening to Others, Perspectives and Point of View, Slang and Idioms, Talking with Peers, and Teasing.

I found using the top of the page as my reading guide and checking off each topic as I read was the best approach.
Part Three: Resources is just that. Reading suggestions, Internet sites, games, a sample e-mail form a parent to their child's teacher during the first week of school.

In addition to the subject of Bullies being covered in the Part 2, the authors include an entire chapter in this section entitled "Further Information about Bullying" filled with practical advice and real strategies for the child to use in dealing with bullies. Though geared specifically for Aspies, anyone can benefit from these.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough. This is must reading for parents of Aspies who want to help their child; as well as anyone involved in fostering or volunteer work for these kids.

If God gives me another chance with someone like Andrew I'm a lot more prepared to serve that child now that I've read Dr. Norall's book.

Some people in history thought to be Aspies: Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, Thomas Jefferson, Hans Christian Andersen, H.G. Wells, Amadeus Mozart, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Charles Darwin, Thomas Edison and Vincent Van Gogh.

[Carrie Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book represents a better-than-average understanding of children with Asperger's Syndrome by a neurotypical author. (At the time this book was written, Asperger's was still a diagnosis in the DSM, so I'm going to refer to it even though it's outdated now.) I appreciated the sections of the book that were strengths-based and aimed to help clarify the intent of people with Asperger's Syndrome.

However, I thought that it was a little too one-size-fits-all, and not all people with this diagnosis fit the same mold. For example, saying that Asperger's kids are unaware of time is a vast overstatement. It would be more reasonable to say that Asperger's kids are more likely to have difficulties with tracking time, but some have no problem with this.

I also thought that this book demonstrated the double empathy problem, where autistic people are blamed for a lack of understanding of neurotypical people, but neurotypical people rarely try to understand the perspective of autistic people. (The author did try, but she still thought the children were incapable of empathy, not recognizing how limited their opportunities to learn it had been.) Without feedback or examples of empathy, it makes sense that children with Asperger's would have a hard time understanding the point of view of others. I firmly believe that autistic people are capable of great empathy, but they do have trouble reading non-verbal cues (just as other people have trouble reading the non-verbal cues of autistic people), and so they are left guessing. We don't say that blind people lack empathy when they don't see someone crying.

I wouldn't say that this book showed the best understanding of the autistic experience, but it was compassionate and had some suggestions that could be helpful. The group that the author ran for children with Asperger's sounded like it was useful for helping the kids make friends and learn neurotypical social expectations.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm sure this is helpful for some people, but it was not at all helpful for our family. The description of a "typical" kid on the spectrum was the exact opposite of my child, and if I had done many of the things in this book, I would have had an absolute mutiny on my hands. I've had a far better experience with Kirk Martin's Celebrate Calm podcast.

[Sarah Luedke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical tips to survive parenting of a "different" child

[Amber Fuller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Useful. Concise. Utterly practical. Balanced. Offers a question and answer format about the issues that come up for parents, teachers, and professionals who interact with children with AS. Presents strategies that work and provides specific words, phrases, and approaches to use in your interactions. Emphasizes the importance of always considering the perspective of the child because it differs from a typical mindset. Our responses and communication must reflect that difference. Helps establish realistic expectations while maintaining an optimistic viewpoint. Explains why certain approaches fail and why other approaches, those outlined clearly and specifically in the book, work. Excellent!

[Karl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful, practical book. It's written in self-contained chapters, so you can easily skip to different subjects. The advice and tips have made a huge difference, from helping me interact with my son to helping him deal with the aspects of "neurotypical life". I've read other books on Aspies, but they were more clinical. I highly recommend this book to parents and family members of Aspies.

[Dawn Murray · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was my favourite book on Autism/ Aspergers for some time. Once read, it's alphabetical format made it easily accessible. I learnt a lot about my son through reading this book and have passed it on to friends for reading. My husband is loving reading it right now and his favourite aspect is how accessible it is.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful book. Have re-read often to remind myself of ways to understand & handle situations. One of the few books I've shared with others who want to understand and interact with those under the Autism Spectrum.

[Sally · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many practical suggestions for helping children with Asperger's learn to deal more successfully with others, particularly with people their own age and, later, with employers, etc. Not a heavy read.

[Silvana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Learned a lot. Very simple, clear, and useful.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Set up in short chapters alphabetically by topic, this is a great reference for parents and teachers of kids and teens with Autism and or Asperger's Syndrome.

[Kathy Fowler · Rating 5 out of 5]

loved this book. was very detailed about
how to help Aspergers kids deal with ever kind of situation, from social greetings to teasing to meltdowns etc

[Ali Ellefsen]

Great resource - gave some great ideas, but most could only be used in an Aspergers Group setting.

[Cynthia]

This book is a very useful tool to keep in your library for easy reference. Extremely well written and the font chosen was easy on the eyes.