Butterfly Tattoo

by Deidre Knight

Just when the darkness seems permanent, fate flips a switch.

Michael Warner has been drifting in a numb haze since his lover was killed by a drunk driver. As the anniversary of the wreck approaches, Michael's grief grows more suffocating. Yet he must find a way through the maze of pain and secrets to live for their troubled young daughter who struggles with guilt that she survived the crash.

Out of the darkness comes a voice, a lifeline he never expected to find - Rebecca O'Neill, a development executive in the studio where Michael works as an electrician. Rebecca, a former sitcom celebrity left scarred from a crazed fan's attack, has retreated from the limelight and from life in general, certain no man can ever get past her disfigurement.

The instant sparks between her and Michael, who arrives to help her during a power outage, come as a complete surprise - and so does her uncanny bond with his daughter.

For the first time, all three feel compelled to examine their inner and outer scars in the light of love. But trust is hard to come by, especially when you're not sure what to believe when you look in the mirror. The scars? Or the truth?

Warning: This title contains a three-hankie redemptive romance, a man with a complicated past, a heroine who's stronger than she knows, and tender, explicit sex scenes that may just break your heart - and make you believe in love once again.

Genres: Romance, Contemporary Romance, Contemporary, M M Romance, Bisexual, M F Romance, LGBT

288 pages, Paperback

First published April 21, 2009

About the author

Deidre Knight is a literary agent, mom, wife, novelist and southern woman, and proud to answer to all of these titles. Before she founded The Knight Agency in 1996, Deidre worked behind the camera in movies and television. During the thirteen years since she launched her literary agency, she has grown The Knight Agency to national prominence, shepherding authors on to every major bestseller list. With agency sales of more than 1,000 titles to major publishers, a large percentage of which are in the categories of romance and women’s fiction, Deidre has established a reputation for discovering vivid and unique storytellers and is considered an industry expert on the hot trend of paranormal fiction. Writing in that genre, she creates fresh characters and strong, emotional storylines. As an author Deidre has been described not only as “outstanding” and “emotionally evocative,” but also as having “tremendous verve and a great knack for character and smart scenes.” Deidre’s innovative novels have been nominated for a plethora of accolades including the PEARL, the PRISM, the NOR, the JABIC and the STRCA.

Reviews

[Heather K (dentist in my spare time) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes the right book comes along at the right time in your life.

I'm about to get REALLY personal with y'all. I recently (about a month ago) was in a minor explosion at my work, which is normally a ridiculously safe environment. I mean, who has ever heard of a dentist getting injured on the job? Anyway, a piece of the equipment that exploded went through my face above my upper lip and made a through and through wound approximately 2 inches long. I had 30 stitches in my face and looked like hell for about 3 weeks. I have very limited feeling in my upper lip on the right side and in the whole area of the scar. However, I'm looking better now.

But the scar... it's still there.

My smile, which is really my favorite feature about myself, is now sort of... wonky. My lip is fatter on one side and it looks lopsided and just... off. The area where I had stitches is healing and looking pink, but better, but the asymmetry is hard for me to take. I KNOW I'm being petty and I know that most people aren't noticing my face looking off but I notice. I hate pictures of myself now and it's hard for me, in a silly, superficial way.

I know you are thinking, "Get to the point already! Talk about the book!" But I am, at least I'm trying to.

This book is all about scars. The main characters, Rebecca and Michael, they both have them. Physical scars, like the one that Rebecca has after surviving a viscous attack from a mentally unstable fan. Her scars span the whole side of her face and parts of her hands and torso.

And the scars that Andrea, Micheal's daughter, has after surviving the accident that killed her other father.

And the emotional scars that Michael has after being left heartbroken when his partner of 12 years, Alex, died and left him as a single parent, unable to connect with their daughter.

It really just tore me up, reading about their scars. I connected with the characters a great deal more now than I would have a few months ago. And I think that most people with scars, both physical and emotional, would connect deeply with this story.

I was first attracted to this book because I had been craving a M/F book where the man is bisexual. Yes, I've read dozens of M/Ms with bisexual men, but I wanted to see something from the other side of the spectrum. Though I've read some reviews where this book is criticized for showing bi-phobia, I think that it was important that it was included. Bi-phobia is a real thing. A couple of my gay friends have told me that they wouldn't feel comfortable seriously dating a bisexual guy and I've had straight friends say that too. My straight friends either think that it's gross, the guy having been with a guy (wha?????), or that they would never feel like enough. I get the impression that it's difficult out there, being a bisexual guy. This book really showed that.

What was most important to me is that Michael didn't make light of his time with Alex or say that now that he's been with a woman again, he could never imagine being with a man. Michael wasn't like that at all. In fact, his grief at having lost Alex was palpable at times. It was so all-encompassing that it was overwhelming. I'm tearing up just remembering some scenes. There is no one that could read this book and doubt Michael's love for Alex.

However, I also saw his love for Rebecca grow and grow. I bought them as a couple too, which was no easy feat because I feel strangely in love with Alex and Michael as a couple (my M/M peeking through).

I also liked how neither MC is perfect. Michael has his flaws and Rebecca does too and they show throughout the book. They both are trying to find their ways back to themselves and trust someone enough to start a relationship again.

Honestly, this book is an angst-fest of epic proportions. It is rip-your-heart-out kind of stuff. But I think it was worth the pain.

Sure, this book isn't perfect either. It veers ever so slightly and subtly in the realm of preachy about the afterlife/possibility of God, which only bothered me a tiny bit. It also had a few scenes at the end that I thought could be improved upon. But, on reflection, I decided to give this book the full 5 stars.

I think that reading this book has helped me cope with my scar a tiny bit, though my pain is nothing compared to the characters in this book. It reminded me that everyone has scars and that everyone's scars tell a story.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

SPOILERS
Rebecca was a beautiful actress in Hollywood. She was the star of a television sitcom for a few years, until one obsessed fan, attacked her, stabbing her nine times on different parts of her body, including the left side of her face.
It was a miracle that she even lived. Her career was over after that.

Now, three years later, Rebecca, 33, was working at a film studio as a production executive.
She carried both physical and emotional scars. She was self conscious on her scars.
Her boyfriend had dumped her after the incident and she haven't had a date since.

Michael was a gorgeous 39 year old electrician. He'd always been straight but when he'd met Alex, a handsome male Doctor, realised that love doesn't bother with these kinds of distinctions.
Alex was the love of Michael's life and vice versa. They were together for 12 years and had a daughter, Andrea.
Alex always insisted Michael was bisexual, but it felt easier to Michael to categorised himself as gay.
A year ago Alex had died in an accident. Michael had been struggling ever since Alex's death.

Michael and Rebecca met at the studios and the attraction was mutual. Michael was drawn to her.
He told her he was a widower.
Andrea, 8, and Rebecca formed a connection with each other. Michael had asked Rebecca to spend some time with the girl as she was left traumatised by the death of her other parent.
Rebecca suggested to visit them that night and cook dinner for them.

At some point during the night, Rebecca noticed a framed photograph on the wall. It was a picture of Michael, Alex and Andrea together. Michael explained that the three of them were a family for 12 years.
"So you're gay"
"Well, l was with a guy for a long time. He was the only guy l've ever been with. I was in love with
him"
"You still are"
"Yes, can't get past it"
"He was a beautiful man,very handsome "

Rebecca left Michael's house that night with the impression that Michael was bisexual.
After all he'd been flirting with her since he'd met her.
Michael continued to seek her out. They spent a lot of time together, getting to know one another and liking what they saw.
Michael was so attracted to Rebecca, he felt he was betraying Alex and was feeling guilt.
He'd been thinking about her all the time and it was hard for him figuring things out.

Rebecca had doubts and fears about their platonic dating. Michael told her that he'd always liked women and ensured her that their relationship was working.
When he'd kissed her, was earth shattering. So many times though, during the few months he'd dated Rebecca, he'd apologised to Alex in his inner thoughts.
He felt he was betraying him, cheating on him.

The kisses continued nevertheless along with make out sessions, followed by emotional withdrawal on Michael's part.
Rebecca felt that Alex was often between them.
She was also scared that if Michael see the scars on her body, he would be repelled.
Michael ensured her that he did not care about her scars.
"And you still love Alex"
"Is that a problem? I am not letting go of Alex anytime soon"
"I am not asking you to. You should at least be ready to make room for someone else first, because otherwise, it might be a mistake "

One day he'd told her that he'd fallen in love with her. She said she felt the same way about him.
He would often tell her how beautiful she was, the only woman in more than a decade that managed to light his fire.

They've spent the 4th of July weekend at his holiday house in Malibu.
That night Andrea stayed with friends nearby and Michael and Rebecca had an incredible night in bed together.
Afterwards Rebecca expressed her fear that in the long run she might not be enough for him.
She was, after all, a female. Michael ensured her that he was totally in love with her and that was not going to change.

The next night they had Andrea in the house so Michael and Rebecca slept separately.
Late at night Rebecca spotted Michael watching a home video with Alex in it at the beach in Malibu.
Rebecca knew that what propelled him to watch this, in secret, was the feeling of him betraying Alex the night before, by making love to her.

The next day, the three of them were sitting at a seafood restaurant that Michael used to go to with Alex. He was feeling guilty coming here with her, without him.
When the young waiter came to their table, Michael was spooked. The waiter looked a lot like Alex at the time he'd first met him and when he grinned at him, his heart leap out of his chest and he couldn't help but stare.
It was like falling for Alex all over again.

Back at the house, Rebecca asked him if it was necessary for him to flirt with the waiter who looked like Alex.
Michael said that it didn't mean a thing, he wasn't gonna see that guy again.
She told him to be honest with himself. He was still wearing Alex's ring and if he was going to keep searching for Alex, then he might as well look in the right places. She, certainly, was not the right place.
He told her he loved her. She said she loved him but it wasn't enough. This was not working, never was. She left.
There was a lot of comparison between Rebecca and Alex in Michael's inner thoughts.
The book was well written.
The main characters did end up together after some tribulations, and became a family.

[Aestas Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Open up your heart and see where it leads you..."

Oh boy! What a beautiful, emotional book with a very unconventional love story.

This book is about love and healing. That love can be found anywhere if you let it - no boundaries, no limits. And to accept it wherever and however it comes into your life. And that no matter how bad things get, it is always possible to heal.

I smiled a lot - there were many sweet moments, I squeed once or twice, and I cried several times. The story was deeply emotional and touching. And of course, has a sweet HEA :)

This book has, honest to god, THE single most complex interconnected family dynamic I have ever read. But I loved it. It just reinforced how little difference a 'conventional' family makes. That family are the people you love and who love you - no matter who they are.

The book centers around the story of Rebecca, a former famous actress who, 3 years prior to the start of the book, was attacked by a stalker with a knife and scarred this ruining her career in front of the camera, and Michael, an electrician who works on her building who is bisexual. He was straight his whole life until he met, fell in love with, and married Alexander with whom he had a relationship that spanned over a decade and with whom he had a daughter. A year before the book begins, Alex dies in a car accident leaving Michael and their daughter devastated. When Michael meets Rebecca, he is surprised to feel a connection and longing for her despite having been with a man for the past 10 years. But their growing feelings for each other and the way that Rebecca and his daughter bond draw them closer together, helping all of them to heal from the scars of their past and learn to love again. Taking love from whatever direction it comes from.

I loved how, through Michael's memories, it almost feels as though his deceased partner Alex is a character in the book. I felt like I knew him as well as I knew Michael, Rebecca and Andrea.

The writing style of the book is beautiful. It really gets right inside the character's heads. Makes you see the world directly through their eyes.

I loved seeing the characters grow and learn to work through their issues. They were both dealing with horrible, scarring events in their pasts and doing their best to move on.

The book deals with many hard questions. Why do bad things happen? How does one move on after them? Is it alright to love again when the person you're in love with dies? Does it betray them to love someone else or is there a way of both honoring their memory and accepting someone new and continuing to live ?

"I'm here, he's not, but it doesn't answer the much bigger question...What am I, precisely, now that he's gone? " ~Michael

Although there is sex, there is no smut in this book. Its not YA by any means. But its more focused on the emotional love connection. And there are no m/m sex scenes (some people were asking me so I thought I'd mention it)

Here's how I see Rebecca and Michael:



For more of my reviews, visit http://aestasbookblog.com

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm actually a little speechless, because there are so many reasons I loved this book, it's difficult to put all my crashing thoughts into one review! I must admit, I was reluctant to read this story because it's not the kind of book I would normally choose, but my GR friend, Michelle, recommended it to me - and oh my goodness, am I so grateful to her!

This is a lovely story about a man named, Michael, who has always enjoyed the companionship of women but one day unexpectantly, recognizes the beauty in a man named, Alex, whom Michael actually (to his surprise), falls in love with. Strangely, this love affair seems better than second nature to him - he dosen't understand it; it just fells right; and for the next 12 years, he loves Alex and Michael is completely and utterly, loved back. They adopt a beautiful daughter they name, "Andrea" and together their life is unexpectantly easy and uncomplicated. But life is never easy and uncomplicated and Alex dies on impact in a horrific car accident, with their precious daughter in the backseat - holding on for dear life. Andrea survives, thankfully, but not without severe internal scaring of having lost one of her beloved parents. A year passes and Michael still hasn't completely come to terms with Alex's death; although he meets a woman named, Rebecca that will change his and Andrea's future, remarkably. Unfortunately, Rebecca harbors her own terrible reminders of internal scarring and visible ones, from nine life-shattering knife stabbings; being butchered by a crazed stalker three years prior to meeting Michael. Not only is Rebecca left for dead...she does die - just for a moment. The unconcievable violence shakes her to her core and her internal baggage has left her emotionally unavailable to invite anyone into her world, or so she thinks. Now, Michael is falling in love with her - which is frightening to them both...

The premise of this book seemed so out of character of something I would normally read. The horrific events alone made me wonder what I was getting myself into, not to mention the hero once being in a gay relationship. Although, I am forever in search for "new and different" approaches in my romance novel endeavors and I am so elated I took the advice to read this beautifully written book. The writing was seemless and graceful with an exquisite flow about it that kept me turning the pages to the next "Michael" or "Rebecca" named chapter. Thus, enhancing the reader's ability to sneak in and witness the heart-pounding thoughts of each character - from the impossible love they formed to the tragic reveal of so many dark secrets. I. Loved. This. Book. It will forever remain one of my most favorite reads, ever...

[Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I decided to try this after reading Heather's Review. I was intrigued by the choice of having a bisexual male character. I feel like bisexuals, especially men, get a bad rap. They're deemed greedy or slutty or the ever popular and pithy moniker made famous by Sex & The City, "a layover to gaytown" and I wanted to see how or if the author addressed this prejudice. Knight addressed all of them and complicated matters by giving both of these characters emotional minefields to traverse with each other.

Michael lost his soul mate to a drunk driver and in the process somehow got relegated to "stepfather" by their daughter, Andrea. He comes to Rebecca's office to fix the lighting after a blackout and a connection is made. It's a good thing they were in the dark since Rebecca's horribly self-conscious about her looks after a stalker tried to kill her and left her with numerous scars on her face and torso three years ago. She's also been hiding out since then, shunning Hollywood and her old friends. As you can imagine both sets of friends are devoted, fiercely protective and not crazy about their pairing initially.

I like the way Knight puts a story together, her imagery, dialogue and writing style are all top-notch. Knight did an excellent job of fleshing out these characters even the secondary ones and making their journey realistic. What I was pleasantly surprised by was Michael's inner musings on the contrasts between dating a man and a woman. Apparently, it's easier to date a man, so, ladies, we're all screwed or not as it were. I digress. The Laurel thing is the thing that sticks in my craw the most. The rationale behind that never made sense to me. People do weird shit and, I guess, one could chalk this up to that but this takes the weirdness cake. Too weird for me. The other thing was the Alex singing to Michael, metaphorically speaking. I kept waiting for this epiphany that never transpired or if it did I missed it. Lastly, it could've used a healthy injection of smut. One fade to black sex scene? C'mon Knight! Put your game face on, sister. You can do better than that.

Recommend to romance lovers.

[Splage · Rating 5 out of 5]

You have to go into Butterfly Tattoo with a very open mind. I almost didn’t give this book a chance because I thought it was male/male relationship- it isn’t. It is a story that makes you feel… it is not all butterflies and rainbows with an overwhelming HEA. It is about deep love, loyalty, and healing on the inside. It seems all the characters, not just the H/h, have emotional baggage by the truck loads.

First of all, I totally thought this was an erotica book because of the unconventional romance. The hero Michael was committed to a man for 12 years and had a child with him and then after his partner, Alex, dies he finds himself falling in love with Rebecca. It was not erotica at all and had only one very mild sex scene, but yet it was so intimate. That being said it was just so different than most of the romances I have read. More along the lines of how I feel when I am reading a Megan Hart book, not warm and fuzzy more realistic.

The writing style is very different, which took some getting use to. Each chapter alternated between Michael and then Rebecca’s point of view. Even though it wasn’t a mystery there was a lot of suspense and anticipation. I loved that when a problem or a question was revealed, it wasn’t immediately solved- it kept you guessing. Sometimes I felt it could have moved a little quicker, but then I think it would have lost the developing intensity of the relationships.

“Open up your heart and see where it leads”, I sure did. One other thought, I have no idea why it is named Butterfly Tattoo, it really had nothing to do with the story. If you figure it out let me know.

[Jane Stewart · Rating 2 out of 5]

The primary story is grieving over death of a loved one. It was too sad for me. At times I wanted it to be over.

STORY BRIEF:
Michael had girlfriends in his youth. Then he fell in love with Alex, a man. They were married for ten years when Alex was killed by a drunk driver. They used a surrogate mother to give them a daughter Andrea. She was in the car when Alex died. She was 7. She survived the accident but has a scar on her leg. Andrea and Michael have been grieving for a year when they meet Rebecca.

Rebecca had been star of a TV show. Three years ago a stalker stabbed her multiple times and left her, thinking she was dead. She survived. He went to jail. She has scars on her face which affect her smile. She has other large scars on her body. Her current job is producing movies. Since the attack she has avoided being in public and has not dated. She still grieves her physical and psychological trauma.

Michael and Rebecca work for the same studio. He is an electrician. They meet when there’s an electrical problem in her office. They flirt. Michael’s daughter is with him at work one day. Rebecca offers to take her to the commissary while Michael works. They connect and talk about their scars. Michael likes Rebecca and thinks Rebecca can help Andrea. They begin spending time together. They also begin to fall in love but there are problems. Michael can’t get over his love and loss of Alex. Rebecca fears Michael is not heterosexual enough and that he will want men in the future, not a woman. Rebecca also feels she is inadequate because of her physical damage.

REVIEWER’S OPINION:
Readers who are grieving a loss might find this book comforting or otherwise appealing. It’s not for me. Over 90% of the book is reading about and feeling grief, loss, and sadness. I was sad and hurting during most of the book. On the last handful of pages, the couple is able to get together with happiness, and Andrea also finds some happiness. But even in the epilogue, we read that Michael still misses Alex and talks about him. This is too much sadness for me. I want emotional fulfillment and uplifting feelings when I read romance. This book does NOT provide that. But I think technically it falls within the romance label because a strong part of the story is the developing relationship between Michael and Rebecca. And there is a happy ending with them together. But it does not work for me, because the main feelings and the main story is Michael’s grief. His grief continues throughout the book and makes the Michael/Rebecca relationship feel secondary.

Other things happen which add more sadness and loss. Michael and Andrea are sad and grieving because Aunt Laurel is going home after visiting them. Michael is sad because he wants his daughter to heal. Michael feels guilty being with Rebecca. Rebecca has a fight with Michael, and then Rebecca is in pain and grieves the loss of their relationship for a long time. Pain is everywhere and overshadows any emotionally lifting romance.

I was confused about something with the daughter. Andrea’s two daddies never told her the truth about who her biological parents were. Why? And then Michael decides to tell her but finds out she already knew. But her actions didn’t fit her knowledge. That topic seemed off somehow.

I liked the way it took a long time to develop the Michael/Rebecca relationship before they had sex. It was comforting to watch them grow to love each other, yet Rebecca was hesitant to have sex. Michael desired sex but was ok with waiting. Don’t read this book if you’re looking for sex scenes. The back cover states “explicit sex scenes.” That’s not true. There is one scene, and it’s not explicit, but it is tender.

The story is told in alternating first person. Rebecca is first person for a chapter, then Michael for the next. In this way, we get inside each one’s head and heart. This was ok, but I generally prefer third person stories.

WRITING STYLE:
Some readers have admired the writing style calling it lyrical prose. I found a generous quantity of metaphors, similes, and flavorful word usage that might appeal to some readers. Examples follow.
Maybe scars have memories too… they contain all that happened to us in that one explosive event, branded onto our bodies organically. (p 214)
That’s when it happens. As if the ocean just beyond the patio stops roaring; as if Rebecca herself stops breathing; as if I am caught in a timeless spell, captive to this woman. (p 220)
In a little while, the sun will sink below the horizon and the sky will begin to light up. It seems a celebration choreographed just for me. I’ve lived with fear for so long, it’s become like breathing – not always easy, but impossible to shake. But today – if only for today – I know that it’s gone because I can breathe. Easy, effortless, exactly like it should be. (p 230)
Alex drew attention and energy from everyone near him. Like their sun, the others orbited around him. (p 231)
Rebecca is weaving easily into the fabric of my world, which both pleases and ultimately unsettles me, for reasons I don’t entirely understand. (p 232)
I’m stuck here, at the bottom of my ocean, struggling to find my way back to the air. (p 237)
Life is a gift…Maybe the thing is, the gift means more precisely because it is always passing away, like the waves or the sand or the sun tracking across the open sky. (p 243)
Nothing like … the winds kicking fire and smoke and moodiness down our way. (p 283)

DATA:
Story length: 280 pages. Swearing language: strong. Sexual language: mild. Number of sex scenes: 1, about 3 pages long. Setting: 2008 California. Copyright: 2009. Genre: grief with contemporary romance.

[Gitte TotallyBookedBlog · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. I know this story will stay with me forever because I cannot stop thinking about it and it affected me completely, emotionally and I have never read a book with an unconventional love story like this before. It took me a while to get my head round a complex family structure, but I got it and I understood and it beautifully showed that love doesn't have a name or a definition. Love is what we feel.

"Families are defined in lots of ways"....."Family is wherever we find it" - Michael

It is so beautifully written that immediately I was swept up and immersed in the story. A story of two broken people who have had major trauma in their life, are damaged and are at a crossroads when they meet. A story that shows how LOVE can HEAL and that this LOVE can be found ANYWHERE!!

"Love is what counts. Whatever form it comes to you..." - Michael


"The fact is that the past isn't in the past at all. It's vital and breathing and a little ravenous, and no matter what else we've lost, it's the one thing we can never truly loose" - Rebecca

Michael, a bisexual man, lost his partner Alex who was killed after being hit by a drunk driver. Their seven year old daughter, Andrea was in the car but escaped with her life but scarred both physically and emotionally. Now Michael is alone, trying to raise his daughter, and completely lost in so far as how to "save" his daughter and himself.

Rebecca is an actress who now works for a production company. She left acting after being viciously attacked in a knife attack by a stalker who believed she was his girlfriend. She survived but was left broken and scarred after the attack, including a long scar on her face.

Becca and Michael meet in her office one day when the power goes and Michael who is an electrician turns up to fix it. They can't see each other but almost have an instant connection. Becca ends up taking Michael's daughter for something to eat as Andrea has had to come along for the day. Andrea finds that Becca has scars too. They have something in common, scars that are healed physically but not emotionally. What ultimately starts as a way for Michael to nourish a connection between his "lost" little girl and Becca soon turns into an emotional and physical attraction between him and Becca - two tormented and damaged people looking to live life again but not knowing how to or where to begin.

This story is written from the perspective of both Michael and Becca. This was PERFECT, because we get to hear both their voices, thoughts and issues. It made it REAL!! It also made Alex seem "alive" in the story purely based on Michael's memories. It enforced the dilemma of is it "right" to love another when the person you ultimately loved has passed away?! Is it "right" for the one that has been left behind to continue living LIFE?!

"It's never safe to love...it's the most vulnerable feeling in the world...but I've come to think it's always worth it" - Michael

This book is a must read. It will make you smile, cry, and touch your heart!!!

[Brittany · Rating 2 out of 5]

Warning! Spoilers below!



Butterfly Tattoo didn't measure up to my expectations. I really wanted to love this book, but instead I ended up disappointed with it. I wouldn't say it's poorly written, but on the other hand I wouldn't say it was anything special either.

General complaints:

The author didn't take any real chances. Grief is such a complex subject- the author barely scratched the surface exploring it. I kept wishing she would humanize her wounded characters, but it never really happened. The characters didn't feel real. They talked about their grief, but I had a hard time connecting them to it. I could see this book playing out in a Lifetime movie, but not in real life. In real life, people don't give uplifting speeches. The characters in this book always seemed to know what to say and how to say it. In real life, people are much more awkward. They can't always find those magic words. Sometimes there isn't anything you can say.

Specific complaints:

*Michael's grief could have been dealt with in a much subtle manner. You know how people say "(insert noun here)...reminds me of so and so". I wish there had been more of that in this book. Less thinking, more remembering. Sometimes it's the simplest things that remind us of someone...
*Rebecca and Michael's romance should have developed at a slower pace. For characters they have been through such heavy and dark times, they didn't hesitate much about dating each other. They were cautious about having sex, but not about getting together? Entering a new relationship is a scary step after you lose someone too- the author shouldn't have down played it.
*Andrea's baby mama drama shouldn't have been included in this book. Not only was it over dramatic, it added nothing to the plot.
*Rebecca shouldn't have broken up with Michael over some flirting and the home movies. She didn't have a problem with Michael flaunting their relationship in front of Alex's twin sister (aka Andrea's baby mama), but she had a problem with him flirting with a guy? Rebecca felt threatened by a random guy, but not by Alex's twin sister. Laurel and Michael created a kid. Laurel was Alex's twin sister. Rebecca believed Laurel had feelings for Michael. And yet... none of that made her feel insecure? It was a waiter that looked like Alex that Michael flirted with that drove her to break up with him. That didn't make any sense to me. I don't get how she had a problem with one and not the other. :/
*It was a bit off-putting of the characters to tell Michael what gender he liked. Rebecca insisted Michael likes guys. Michael's best friend insisted Michael liked guys. Here's a thought- maybe he liked men and women?! Bisexuality is really not a difficult concept to grasp.
*The side characters should have been given more to do. You know, other than propping. I didn't need their two cents on Michael and Rebecca's relationship.



Overall, I rate this book this book a 2/5. I don't think this book should be considered to deep just because it deals with heavy issues. Butterfly Tattoo was serious book, yes, but I think it would be a stretch to say it was anything more than that. The author had a chance to go further and she sadly chose not to. That within itself, saddens me.

[Michelle [Helen Geek] · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautiful story. Not what I expected at all. It is about loss and what comes after. The loss of a life mate, the loss of a parent, the loss of a part of ones' self and what comes after. Three people all suffering loss and how they work through it and find their way to each other.
I'm not sure, if you've never suffered such loss yourself or had someone close to you suffer such loss, that it would touch those same places inside of you, but for me this was a powerful, thoughtful story. I was touched.

The characters were people you like. The author does a very good job with all the players in this story. These are people you'd really like to know. A community you'd like to be part of. They each played an important role in the community and the supportive healing.

My first book by this author and I'll look for more like this from her. I did look at some of her other stories, but nothing clicked for me right now.

One reviewer wanted to know the significance of the Butterfly Tattoo. A butterfly symbolizes hope and renewal. In this case, the tattoo had significance in both relationships for our H. It was part of himself he only revealed to those he loved and trusted. I had no issue with understanding the significance, but after reading this question, I did look for this throughout the story.

Who should read this story? Anyone who is interested in a touching love story of love, loss, and love again. Who understands how important love is. We can't really choose who we love or define it. Love is a blessing regardless of the circumstances and timing and is not always convenient. The words Love and Prejudice have no place in the sentence.

Happy Reading!

[Ezi Chinny · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a drag. The hero and heroine had faced tragedies and they found comfort in each other. The problem for me was that the Hero wasn't moving forward with his grief. He held on to his deceased lover and thus this relationship was a 3-way. The hero was punishing himself and everyone around him because no one measured up to his dead lover. It just didn't have a feel good moment for me.

[Melindeeloo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Butterfly Tattoo is a major departure from Knight's Parallel and Gods of Midnight paranormal romance series, and a departure the genres I normally read as well. Though the story is billed as a contemporary romance and it does has romantic elements, the story is not just about two people falling in love and finding an easy happily ever after. The story is just as is much about how three people all with soul deep grief for losses that occurred on 'average' days (but which had such far reaching personal repercussions for all those involved) find a way to become whole again.

This is not the book for everyone - those who find the idea of a long term committed same sex pairing uncomfortable may be put off by leading man Michael's grief over the tragic death of his life partner, Alex, and memories of kisses and touches (handled very discretely) between the two.

I really loved this story, it was emotionally complex and heart wrenching at times to watch Michael and his nine year old daughter Andrea deal with the fallout of their loss - Alex's death left a gigantic whole in their hearts and has nearly broken the remnants of their family. Michael who is unable to deal with his own grief struggles to help Andrea with her loss while feeling like he's lost his daughter in addition to his partner.

Inadvertently bringing light to the darkness that has enveloped Michael and Andrea's lives for the past year is Rebecca, who ironically meets both Michael and Andrea during a power black out at work. There is an immediate attraction between Michael and Rebecca, which causes confusion for Rebecca when she later discovers Michael is `gay' and guilt for Michael who feels as if his heart is betraying his dead partner. Andrea and Rebecca also find themselves to be kindred spirits in that they both carry physical scars, in addition to the psychological ones, Rebecca's from a stalker attack which nearly took her life and Andrea from the accident that killed her other dad.

There is so much going on in this story and Michael's apparent switch from 'batting for the guys team', which has everyone questioning whether it is real or a temporary reaction to his loss, adds a whole other dimension to what may potentially be a rebound relationship. Also in addition to Michael, Rebecca, and Andrea - who are so likable that they quickly won my heart - Knight manages to give the dead Alex a real presence in the story and there is an wonderful extended supporting cast who have helped Michael and Rebecca survive the dark times and who are firmly working to give the pair the kick they need to get past self doubts and guilt to achieve a well deserved happily ever after.

On the whole Butterfly Tattoo is evocative and well written, with just one jarring nit that gave me pause late in the story. The characters and their struggles were captivating and there were spiritual elements to the story that I am still thinking on as well.

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Butterfly Tattoo is a romance between Michael, a father who recently lost his husband and Rebecca, a woman who used to be an actress before someone attacked her and stabbed her multiple times. She managed to survive but now she obviously has some PTSD issues and scars that she's a little scared to show to her new love interest.

Overall, I liked listening to Butterfly Tattoo. It dealt with the death of a loved one and that was sad. He was a huge part of Michael's life and I wanted the focus to be more on Rebecca and Michael especially after a while. I don't really know how to feel about Michael because toward the end, he saw a guy looking like Alex and started flirting with him in front of her and that didn't sit well with me.

I don't think this book aged well especially concerning the bisexual representation. Side characters also tried to keep the main characters apart because he wasn't heterosexual and she wasn't a man... Everyone keep saying that he's gay or "was" gay etc and that was just annoying. Also, the FMC asked twice if he was "healthy" because of his "lifestyle" when she knew he's a one-person kind of guy. I don't know... Right now, my brain is tired so I'm just going to say you might want to read some other reviews that describe it more clearly. I also didn't like the fact that Alex's sister was actually the girl's mother and Michael was her biological father. It was all a bit messy and too much for me.

[Saly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book wasn't a easy read and really put me through the emotional wringer, it's written in first person POV, alternating between Rebecca's and Michael's POV and normally in a romance I don't like first POV, but this book was about so much more than romance, it was also about grief, how to continue in life once someone you love is gone and the one's left behind don't know how to function as a family.

Rebecca had plenty of scars both physical and emotional and she hadn't dealt with what happened three years ago completely, forgiving her stalker who tried to kill her but never letting go of the fear and blaming herself in a way. She was stabbed nine times and almost died and three years later she is no longer a famous actress, her best friend tries to protect her and her parents who moved to help her, are still in LA. In a way she is still stuck, self conscious about her scars and not dating, then Michael comes into her life and complicates things. She likes flirting with him in the dark and connects with his daughter Andrea, but she doesn't know how complicated his life is.

Andrea is not his stepdaughter, she's his daughter, who he had with his best friend and partner Alex. Michael was straight till he met Alex and fell for him, he was his soul-mate and they were together for fourteen years, when he died a year ago his life changed. His daughter who was with him in the accident, withdrew from him, calling him Michael and not daddy, he himself has been unable to function, viewing life through a tunnel, depressed and drinking. What Alex's twin sister did also added to his wounds.

Then he meets Rebecca and finds himself attracted to her, which is weird and a change for him, though Alex said Michael was bi, he feels as if he is cheating on Alex and does not want to let go off the memories, wearing his ring, his clothes. But he likes being around Rebecca, his daughter connects with her.

Rebecca is conflicted when she finds out that his partner was a man, how can he be attracted to her, since she is so damaged and her friend tells her that he may be using her as substitute for his daughter.

The romance was just so moving, you see Michael's conflicted feelings when it comes to Alex, his anger that he is gone from his life and his daughter seems to have withdrawn. Then there is his fear of losing Andrea to his birth mother, Alex's twin. With the help of Rebecca he makes his peace with Alex's twin, both of them loved the same guy.

Michael falls for Rebecca and tells her that he loves her, but there are parts of himself he keeps closed and Rebecca's insecurities of his having been in love with a guy and her scars make her wary and when Michael kind of refuses to let Alex go, he hurts Rebecca in the process and she leaves.

I liked how we see all the conflict within Michael, of loving someone new and how he does everything in his power to make up things to Rebecca. He sorts himself out and decides to tell his daughter the truth about his birth-mother and that technically Alex was her uncle. He keeps on calling her, not letting up even when she refuses to talk to him. I did feel Rebecca could have given him a break, she was hurting but it could have stopped sooner if she had talked to him sooner.

All in all this book was really emotional and pulled me in. Read it when you are in the mood for a book with depth.

[Michele ~ la Smoocherina · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars!

Great read! I would have given this book 5 Stars if the sex scenes had been explicit. I feel sex is a language all it's own, and after Michael having been with a man for 13 years, I was desperate to see what his first time with a woman-in a long time -would be like. It left me hungry. But I still strongly Rec this book.

I believe so much in that you love who you love and for some people, it doesn't matter if that package is a man or a woman. I thought the grief that Michael felt was so palpable, it knotted in my chest at times. His love for his dead husband (I freaking refuse to say "partner". That's an insult to Michael and Alex and same sex couples everywhere) is such a part of who Michael is, it's now part of his genetic make up. And Becca is such a beautiful character. I completely understand why Micheal saw her as beautiful not just despite her scars, but because of them. Even though she had residual fear after her attack (who wouldn't?), she would set that aside to be there for Michael and Andrea, his daughter who was scarred from the car accident her Daddy, Alex died in. Becca had this beautiful, indelible spirit, that to me, only seemed fragile on the outside. She had a lot more strength than she gave herself credit for and Michael saw this from the first moment. I thought Becca had amazing grace in never asking Michael to push Alex out of his heart. I loved it.

All that being said, the peripheral characters were out of this world. Laurel, Trevor, Casey- well drawn and out of this world! My heart broke for Laurel, when I first met her, even though two pages back, I was mad at her. I loved when Becca said she was rooting for Laurel. Becca could read people so well. I thought the author used some of the best foreshadowing that I've read in a while. I would have loved a meatier epilogue, but I know where everyone's headed, so that'll have to be good enough for me.

[Amanda Westmont · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book last night and I still can't stop thinking about it. I'm pretty sure I'll be thinking about it for YEARS. It's that memorable. That WIDE.

It was the first book I've ever read that stuck its pick into the soil of the romance genre and then tilled the fuck out of it. In a good way.

(I don't normally plot summarize on Goodreads, but this is a romance novel about a former actress who falls in love with a man named Michael, the desperate, loving father of a scarred 8-year-old girl. He's a widower and his ex is a MAN named Alex.)

I had no idea I could so easily fall in love with a sexually ambidextrous hero, but I did. Quickly. Michael Warner is one of the best characters I've ever had the pleasure of reading. I think I cried about five times as I read his story.

I immediately had my own sexually ambiguous sibling download this book onto her iPhone and she is already loving it and can't put it down. It's one of the most beautiful books I've ever read.

If you don't own an e-reader yet, GO BUY ONE just so you can download and read this book. It'll be worth every cent, I promise.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Family..is wherever we find it."

This was quite an emotional roller coaster, but the best experience I've had with a romance book in recent memory. It's such a unique premise, and I was amazed to learn it was written over 12 years ago. Knight was definitely ahead of her times. I loved everything about this book; the LA setting, the scarred main characters, Dodgers fans, the supportive friends/family, and even a dead man captured my reading soul.

There are moments of such grief and raw pain, but there is also hope and renewal. It felt as if I lived the moments with Rebecca and Michael. It was such an intense experience, and I'm tearing up just trying write a small review. I also appreciated Andrea's vital role in the storyline, she's not just a passing side character. There are elements of spirituality, but it never felt religious in any way. Knight does a fabulous job conveying the emotions those left behind experience for years after losing a loved one

Thanks for Beth for pushing this one my way, and it is one I highly recommend!

[Chanelmya · Rating 4 out of 5]

4,5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐🌠libro molto bello, la storia è particolare e intriga, soprattutto il "cambiamento" di Michael. Adorabile la piccola Andie

[Steamywindows♥♫ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have put off writing this review for several days, as I have had to digest it, and hope that I can do it justice. This is a story which "lives", and stays in your brain; maybe like an imprint...I vacillated in my rating for a few reasons. Firstly, because it resonated so strongly, and because I imagine reading this again, and perhaps again, it seems like an automatic 5. However, I had some issue with some of the elements that didn't resonate. So, here it all is, my love of this book as well as my angst. Take it for what it is, just my opinion. I do recommend you read it yourself, and I would love to hear what others think! I am sure it is a story which will arouse your feelings and thoughts as it did mine...and isn't this what we look for ; a very, very powerfully effecting book?
If homosexuality or bi-sexuality isn't your cuppa, but you do want to read something in this genre, I would say this would be a good one. For the most part, what we come to understand from our hero, and his memories is the LOVE he had with his former partner. The heat factor of this is pretty mild.
Anyway, on-wards...Michael is a widower, having lost his long time partner in tragic accident a year ago. That accident involved his daughter, who was hurt, but physically recovered. Psychologically is another thing. Michael meets Rebecca who has had her own horrific brush with death, in a "Hollywood Stalker" scenario. Rebecca was a successful actress, but even after many plastic surgeries, bears facial scars resembling a Rorschach butterfly. Needless to say, her career in the tank, Rebecca has had to shift to a behind the scenes desk job. Rebecca is not a stereotypical actress; she is quite sweet and caring, not egocentric and driven.
From the first moment they meet, there is an instant attraction, which neither was looking for, or was even perhaps ready for. Rebecca's has some obviously understandable resistance about her appearance, and definite psychological scars as well. Michael, well his trouble is whole lot more complicated that either Rebecca or his daughter. You see, he is still grief stricken by the loss of Alex. He is also a little surprised by the fact that he is so attracted to Rebecca, given his years with Alex.
The significance of Michael's relationship with Alex is where I have a bit of an issue. Alex, and Michael’s love for him, just about overshadows the developing relationship with Rebecca. I think this was very tricky to pull off, how do you let go of your soul mate (which Michael calls Alex)? I personally thought the issue of Michael ‘s sexual preference wasn’t as important as whether he could move on, whether anyone could live up to his previous relationship. At every turn, Alex was idealized, in my head I read “St. Alex”.
Perhaps this causes me so much angst because of my personal experiences, but I don’t fancy the idea that great love only comes to us once. I was rooting for Michael and Rebecca to overcome their issues. They appear to be headed there but I would have liked a bit more emphasis on their love, not their happy “family” ever after. I think I will have to read this one again...and maybe even again. In the end, it is a powerful story of love, and healing.

[*.Amaia.* BlackMagicRose · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Keep-Dreaming STARS!!






This was a different kind of story I was really looking forward to reading and even if it wasn't a 5 star read for me, it was sweet, heartbreaking and full of hope and second chances.



Told in alternating POV, Butterfly Tattoo tells us the story of two broken people, Michael and Rebecca, who meet and are destined to change each others lives. They are both done with love but they can't possibly deny the instant connection they feel for each other through Michael's daughter. Even if they try to fight it, they are both hopeless romantics, dreamers, but they are too scared after all they have suffered in the past.




Michael lost his lover, his husband and the father of their only child, while Rebecca lost her dream of becoming an actress when she almost died and was scarred both in the inside and the outside.



They are both gonna try to fight their past demons, their guilt and grief and trust issues, in order to find love again...









I really enjoyed reading this book, it was different, it was beautiful to read how people fall in love with people and not make the distinction between women and men. Michael is straight until he meets Alex, then he falls in love with him, but he still feels attracted to women.




But for some reason I wasn't completely drawn to the story. My expectations where probably too high. Both Rebecca and Michael's past broke my heart, his relationship with his daughter made me cry and I kind of missed Michael's dead husband almost as much as he did; but I found the main love story too rush at times and Michael's actions where sometimes infuriating. Anyways it was a sweet read ;)

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5* This is an unconventional love story, and definitely not what might be expected from the label "contemporary romance." Deidre Knight writes beautiful, lyrical prose that suits this quiet, yet emotionally-packed story about recovering from grief and trauma. This is a story about healing, scars, grief, guilt, trusting, finding yourself, letting go, opening up, learning to live again, and letting go of preconceived ideas about people and what a family looks like. The butterfly metaphor is subtle, but apt. The book changes point-of-view, alternating between Michael and Rebecca with each chapter, allowing us to truly get inside the minds and hearts and emotions of each of the main characters. But the secondary characters are just as important, and seeing them through the eyes of both main characters allows a very clear picture of all the players. Knight does a stunning job with the first person present narrative, something I rarely enjoy but found perfect for this book. Some passages of Butterfly Tattoo read like poetry, with rich metaphors and real emotional depth.

The cover says something about "explicit sex" but this book actually has very little sex, and none of it overly explicit. And that was perfect for this book. It's a story about emotional connection more than physical connection. But at the same time the book is "sexy" and moving, and a reader won't miss not having lengthy descriptions of sex.

I'd love to see this book get a wider audience than it is probably going to get by being labeled "romance" (as much as I love romance novels). Butterfly Tattoo forges some new territory in love stories and deserves to be widely read and discussed.

Why not 5*? Well, the book barely missed. Interestingly enough, I thought the ending was a little too neatly wrapped up, and felt like a few minor loose ends would have given the book more impact overall.

[Simoloverosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebecca e Michael sono due anime ferite ma, quando le loro vite si incontrano, avranno finalmente la loro seconda possibilità che li porterà a vivere un amore intenso, vero, maturo. Ho amato e apprezzato entrambi i protagonisti per la loro grande forza caratteriale soprattutto Michael che si è dimostrato un padre coraggioso, generoso e dolcissimo. La storia mi ha colpita anche per i temi trattati che riguardano appunto la sfera genitoriale e la bisessualità che la scrittrice affronta comunque con molto garbo quindi per me 5 stelle meritatissime!!!!

[ale202224 · Rating 5 out of 5]

INDIMENTICABILE
Forse uno dei libri più belli in assoluto tra quelli che ho letto..il classico esempio di romanzo rosa in cui l’autrice riesce ad infilare argomenti di importanza etica e sociale trattandoli con il giusto rispetto.

[Nicoletta Micillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stelline
Rilettura
Ancora una volta la storia di Rebecca , Michael e la piccola Andie mi ha conquistata

[Nellab1984 · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5

[The Reading's Love Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

LA RECENSIONE COMPLETA QUI: https://thereadingslove.blogspot.it/2...


Si dice che il nostro destino sia già scritto, magari abbiamo anche un libro che parla della nostra vita in una biblioteca enorme oltre il limite dell'immaginario, dove le nostre storie vengono archiviate. Forse alcuni di questi libri sono piccoli opuscoli perché abbiamo avuto una vita breve oppure altri sono grandi perché siamo riusciti a vivere per un tempo molto lungo, magari una vita intera e durante questa vita ci sono stati degli alti e bassi. Alcune volte, per esempio, si rimane feriti in modo grave e profondo. Ci portiamo dietro dei bagagli pieni di dolore, ma grazie a degli incontri fortuiti la vita poi riesce ad ottiene un senso. Nella presentazione dell’autrice ho letto: Deidre è stata descritta come “eccezionale” e “emotivamente evocativa”. Beh posso assicurarvi che è tutto vero, Deidre ha saputo descrivere le cicatrici non solo esteriori ma anche quelle interiori di questi tre personaggi, facendomeli vivere completamente. Ho apprezzato il discorso sulla fede in Dio, perché quando nella vita ci troviamo al limite lui è il solo che in un modo o nell’altro riesce a salvarci, non tutti ci credono, ma non bisogna mai perdere la fede senza averci provato.
La storia è raccontata dal punto di vista di Rebecca e Michael, ma mi sento di dar spazio anche alla piccola Andrea perché è riuscita a capire le scelte di suo padre, a perdonare se stessa e a mettere insieme il suo papà con la donna che ama anche se non direttamente. Nonostante i cuori di Andrea e Michael per metà appartengono ad Alex. "Butterfly Tattoo" è una storia genuina e meravigliosa senza troppi misteri, ma con molti segreti da scoprire. È raccontata in un modo talmente bello e descritta molto bene; la lettura è scorrevole tanto che mi è sembrato di essere là con loro.
Consiglio la lettura alle persone che vogliono vivere la storia emozionante di un amore diverso che riesce ad andare oltre le cicatrici e a curarle. Che aspettate? Correte a leggerlo, perché Michael, Rebecca e Andrea hanno molto altro da dire!

CONTINUA SUL NOSTRO BLOG. VENITE A TROVARCI
https://thereadingslove.blogspot.it/

[Rita87 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Scrivere un pensiero su questo libro è difficile, e mentre lo sto scrivendo ho le lacrime agli occhi, questo libro è un pugno nello stomaco per le emozioni che fa vivere, pazzesco!
Ci si immedesima nella sofferenza dei protagonisti, assorbendolo quel dolore che vivono.
I protagonisti sono Michael Andrea e Rebecca, ma il protagonista quello che conosciamo tramite i ricordi è anche Alex.
Una storia dura, dove un amore si spezza per un incidente, ma anche una storia di rinascita, di forza, amore e di accettazione.
Vediamo Michael che prova a restare a galla dopo la morte del marito, lo fa per la figlia Andrea che con quella morte si è chiusa a riccio, avendola vissuta in primo piano..
Conosciamo Rebecca che ha vissuto un qualcosa di sconvolgente e per questo creerà un feeling con la piccola Andrea.
Due mondi che si conosceranno e si scontreranno grazie ad una bambina di 8 anni..
Un libro travolgente che fa piangere e innamorare.
L'apatia di Michael sembra che prenda il sopravvento nei primi capitoli, ma sarà poi una forza che gli viene da dentro per il bene della figlia e della voglia di continuare a sorridere che lo farà riemergere dal baratro, un personaggio incredibile che però si adora già dalle prime pagine.
Rebecca invece sarà quella più chiusa all'inizio ma nella sua paura troverà anche lei la forza di metterla da parte pur di ritornare a vivere davvero, una protagonista con le palle!
In questo libro mi sono innamorat di Andrea e Alex, la piccola spezza il cuore per il suo dolore, è solo grazie a Michael e Rebecca riuscirà a capire che lei non c'entra con l'incidente è che il suo "papino" non vorrebbe vederla così triste..
Alex... onnipresente tra i ricordi di Michael, un uomo incredibile che anche da morto lascia un sorriso sulle labbra a chi l'ha conosciuto..
Un libro pazzesco.. anche per i protagonisti secondari che sono gli amici dei protagonisti principali che regalano vere emozioni! Complimenti alla scrittrice per questo libro bellissimo e pieno di sentimenti.
Consiglio questo libro a tutti, con una raccomandazione, tenete i fazzoletti a portata di mano ne avrete bisogno!

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I don't even know what to say about this book. It's tagged as a contemporary romance, but it has so much more depth than nearly any romance I've ever read. It's about love and loss and fear and the postmodern family... and I cried quite a bit during parts of it. Powerful, potent, and highly recommended."

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I could give half stars, because this would be a 4.5. I almost gave it a 5, but it's not a perfect novel. I seriously loved this book, though. Knight is, for sure, a talented writer. She did two things that amazed me: 1) Michael's grief is so well drawn that it's palpable, and I found myself crying through a few of his chapters (and again at the end of the book, because I am a sucker) and I hardly ever cry at books. 2) Michael and Rebecca swap being the narrator and, mostly, they have distinct enough voices that I know who is narrating.

Quibbles, with a few minor spoilers (but it's a romance, so I don't feel like I'm ruining anything):

1. The set up. In this fictional universe, I went with it, but in the real world, I'm not sure I'd buy it.

Firstly, Michael has spent the last 13 years in a relationship with a man. His partner, Alex, died suddenly in a car crash not quite a year before this novel begins. Alex was the only man Michael was ever with; he dated a couple of women before, and he finds himself instantly attracted to Rebecca after. This is partly a timing thing; I read an essay earlier this week about the "Surprise! I'm gay!" moment in a lot of m/m romance, wherein a man who has always been straight meets that one guy who inexplicably does it for him. (The thesis of the essay was that this is not realistic, obvs, and the writer went on to argue that he was pretty well convinced that bisexuality in men doesn't exist, or if it does, it's extremely rare.) This is not one of those novels, obviously, but a novel about Michael's relationship with Alex would have been, and that sort of bugged me from the back of my mind.

The ultimate message of the novel is that you love who you love, regardless of what's in their pants, so, again, I'm willing to go with it, and I fell in love with Michael a little bit over the course of the novel; he's a great character, I don't mean to detract from that. Also, what I think is kind of awesome is that Michael never has any qualms about his sexuality. He knows what he wants. It's everyone else in the novel who tells him what he should or shouldn't be feeling, which gender he should be dating, and Rebecca even has a contrived, "You'll never be faithful to me because I don't have a penis!" argument with him. Although, to be fair, Michael's sexuality is the least of his problems.

Secondly, Rebecca's butterfly tattoo (Michael has a literal one on his shoulder) is a network of scars left from a knife attack (with a butterfly knife). She was once a successful actress on a hit show, and a crazy stalker stabbed her 19 times. She quit acting. Which, okay, but here's what bothered me about this: If she was famous and successful, why not get plastic surgery to repair the scars? There's some stuff in the beginning of the novel about Hollywood's bullshit pressure to be beautiful, and if she doesn't like that, why does she stay in Hollywood? That's never really explained. I came to the conclusion on my own that the scars were her excuse to withdraw, that it was easier to hide behind them than to do anything proactive, like get her career back. Plastic surgery was never mentioned, but I have a hard time believing that in freakin' Hollywood it wasn't an option.

But, again, going with it, and also, I can buy that Rebecca would choose to hide behind them rather than fix them, even though that's not explicitly stated in the novel.

2. Michael's story arc comes to a satisfying conclusion. He figures out a way to the light at the end of the tunnel of his grief, he figures out how to really live again even if he has to do it without Rebecca, and he finds a way to connect with his daughter again. There's some unresolved stuff with his father, but it's implied that he'll get to that.

I feel like Rebecca's resolution is glossed over a little. By the time she leaves Michael (after the, "you'll never love me because I have girl parts" fight), Michael's already on the road to recovery, and he's figured out what he wants and how to get it. Rebecca, on the other hand, still has a lot to figure out. (Her problem is not her penis envy. Michael knows even as they're having the fight that her problem is really that she doesn't feel worthy of him because of her ruined body.) Rebecca gets to a place where she can go back to Michael, which is sort of a metaphor for her willingness to take risks again, but we don't really see how she comes to terms with her body, with her scars. I wish we had seen this. Or even if we got answers to some of the questions left hanging: Does she believe now that she's beautiful, even with the scars? Will she go back to acting? Will she tell her ex where he can shove his script? Eh? I'd be worried for the future of their relationship if Rebecca can't figure things out for herself.

But everything is happy sunshine in the epilogue, for the most part, implying that Michael and Rebecca get their HEA. I'm just not sure Rebecca's really earned it.

3. I'm a little skeeved out by Michael's big secret, I gotta say. The plot unravels in a way that I minded it less by the end of the novel, but when Michael explains things, it felt like more mess piled onto an already messy situation. Plus there's an "I'm my own grandpa" ickiness to it.

All this seems like a lot of griping, but those were really my main issues. I loved the book otherwise. Really! These characters got into my head in such a way that I thought about them a lot when I wasn't reading the book.

[Wicked Incognito Now · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story was so well told that I still keep judging all the other books I've read since reading this against this one.

First, I must complain about something extraneous, having nothing to do with content, but with the book itself. I purchased this in ebook format. The formatting on my Sony Reader for this particular book was enough to make me want to avoid Samhain Publishing altogether. The original size of the text was miniscule. Impossible to read. But the larger text was formatted weird. Dialogue was all smashed together, so it was difficult to discern when one person stopped talking and the next person began. Paragraphs were cut off mid-sentence and started again after a double-space. It was weird and distracting. I hope Samhain fixes the glitch. Very irritating.

About the novel itself.....

SB Sarah recommended this book on her blog: http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.co...

She writes: "I can’t say enough about Knight’s writing. The prose is lyrical, each word deliberately wrought, like fine stitchwork on an enormous piece of embroidery. Every stitch is exquisite. "

That's high praise indeed, and I respect this blogger's opinion. I haven't been steered wrong before. However, I just couldn't get over the premise of this book, so I ultimately passed it over...decided not to read it.

This story is a romance about a man who's male spouse recently died, and a woman who was a TV star and recently stalked, attacked, and carved up by a psychopathic fan. The man is dealing with grief, raising his daughter (who is also, obviously grieving the death of her father) and a woman who is coming to terms with her fear of the world and horrible disfiguring scars.

Ugh! Sad! I thought it would be too heavy. Too depressing. Too melodramatic to be at all enjoyable. Not only that, but I had a really hard time swallowing a romance between a man and a woman when the man was gay. How often does that really happen? This lead character thought he was straight until he fell in love with his partner, and then after his partner died he was straight again?

But Sarah kept going on about this book on her blog, and drawing my attention to it again and again. So I decided to read it.

WOW! Deidre Knight has some serious writing chops. I'm so anxious to read more of her writing. SB Sarah's quote above is spot on. Exactly how I feel about this book.

Every instant in this book feels real, raw. Every emotion is palatable. Not at all soapy, just realistic. I didn't doubt for a minute that Michael could be in love with a man, and then in love with a woman. His friends asked him: "so what, are you bi now?" And he refused to label himself. To Michael it was simple, love is love...no matter who it is.