Don't Go Near the Water

by William Brinkley

Set on a remote Pacific island during the waning days of the World War II, this classic humor novel about the public relations sector of the Navy follows the adventures of a group of young officers, commissioned without the corrupting influence of any intervening naval training, as they bravely face wartime adversities with comic ingenuity. The colorful cast of characters and absurd situations combine to create a rousing entertainment that will appeal to everyone who enjoys the high-spirited side of naval service.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Historical Fiction, War, World War II, Nautical

318 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published June 1, 1956

About the author

William Clark "Bill" Brinkley was an American writer and journalist.

Brinkley is perhaps best known for his 1988 novel, The Last Ship, and his 1956 novel, Don't Go Near the Water, which was later adapted to film in 1957 by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer as Don't Go Near the Water.

Brinkley was born in Custer City, Oklahoma on September 10, 1917, the youngest of five children and the son of a minister. He graduated from the University of Oklahoma in 1940.Brinkley was an officer in the United States Navy during World War II, where he served in Europe and the Pacific, primarily in public relations duties.

After graduating from the University of Oklahoma in 1940, Brinkley went on to work for The Daily Oklahoman in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Afterwards, Brinkley was a reporter for The Washington Post from 1941 to 1942 and from 1949 to 1951. He was also a staff writer, correspondent and assistant editor and for Life magazine from 1951 to 1958. Brinkley was also a member of the National Press Club until his death in 1993.

In 1948, after his tenure as an officer in the United States Navy during World War II, Brinkley wrote and published his first novel, Quicksand, in 1948.

In 1954, Brinkley wrote his only non-fiction book, The Deliverance of Sister Cecelia, a biography of a Slovakian nun based her memoirs as recited to him. In 1956, he went on to write the best-selling novel and perhaps his most prominent work, Don't Go Near the Water, a comedy about United States Navy sailors serving in the South Pacific during World War II. Don't Go Near the Water would later be adapted into film by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer as Don't Go Near the Water.

In 1961, Brinkley wrote and published The Fun House, a comedy novel set in the offices of a picture magazine, similar to that of Life. The following year, in 1962, Brinkley wrote and published the novel, The Two Susans, which was followed in 1966 by The Ninety and Nine, a novel detailing life on board a United States Navy LST during World War II.

In 1971, Brinkley moved to McAllen, Texas and would live there until his death in 1993. Throughout the 1970s, Brinkley only wrote one novel, Breakpoint, a novel about tennis, published in 1978.

Brinkley's 1978 novel about tennis, Breakpoint, was followed by Peeper, a comedy novel about a voyeur in the small Texas town of Martha, Texas, near the Rio Grande river. In March 1988, Brinkley wrote and published his last work, The Last Ship, a post-apocalyptic fiction novel dealing with the sailors of the USS Nathan James (DDG-80), a fictional United States Navy guided missile destroyer, which survives a brief, but full-scale global nuclear war, primarily between the United States and the Soviet Union.

After suffering from a major depressive disorder for over several years, Brinkley committed suicide at the age of 76 from an overdose of barbiturates on November 22, 1993. He died at his home in McAllen, Texas, near the Gulf of Mexico.

Reviews

[Judy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unbelievably this novel was the #1 bestseller in 1956. I found it so boring that I had to resort to the chapter-a-day reading plan to get it done. It is one of those war books about a naval base that aims to show the absurdity of soldiering for fellows who aren't actually out fighting; the sort of books that are supposed to be funny and undoubtedly inspired M*A*S*H.

The trouble here is that it is not that funny and the writing style would put the most hardcore insomniac to sleep. Perhaps it is a guy thing and I just didn't get it. After all it sold the most books that year, although I used to watch M*A*S*H every week and laugh my head off.

On a remote island in the Pacific during World War II, a Public Relations unit made up of various businessmen from civilian life who have had a minimum of naval training, do as little work as possible, drink as much as possible and date nurses as many nights as possible. Ha Ha. Sounds like a guy thing to me. Meanwhile somehow the war gets won without any of them going near the water.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Were you going to read Catch 22? Read this instead. It's far far funnier.
Honestly, I wanted to join the Navy after I read this book.

Of course my grandfather, who was in the Navy during the period of this book, said good luck with that, and this wasn't exactly his naval experience either.

I love the characters, who are clearly people William Brinkley met. The stories (most of them) are true. I was shocked to find that Edgar Rice Burroughs actually did visit the South Pacific during the war. No word on whether or not he met the Tulurans.

this is an excellent beach read, or an excellent can't-leave-the-house-because-the-snow-covers-the-porch read.
Actually, it's just a great read. All there is to it.

[Robert Snow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this in High School when life in America had less troubles, not really! But, I thought so at the time. This is 1950's humor good clean fun and innocent too! The author William Brinkley served as an P.R. officer in the navy during WWII. His brand of humor and cast of characters rings of real life which leads me to believe that behind all humorous stories lie some truth. Some of the the most unforgettable characters in this book are Lt. Commander Nash known to his men as "Marblehead" and Boatswain's Mate Second Class Farragut Jones all I can say he is a piece of work! If you have been in the military you have met this character!!! This book was a best seller in 1956 and was turned into a movie staring Glen Ford. Humor maybe dated for some...

[Cheryl Rogers · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to read this book after I saw a list of 'the most popular book the year you were born' and this is the book was written in 1956. It is a little dated but a delightful story none the less. It's about a group of men in the Pacific, during WW2 and their job was PR for the Navy, hence the title. This has given me the idea to give my Dad the book from 1929 next year on his 90th birthday. The book from that year...All Quiet on the Western Front.

[Denise · Rating 2 out of 5]

Does not hold up well. Probably a riot in 1950's society; not so much now.

[Louis Barbier · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good humor, heartwarming and sidesplitting story of the adventures of a group of young naval officers in a public relations unit stranded on a remote Pacific Island in the waning days of World War II. It is a must read for all who have served in the US Navy and an education for those who have never served of what can happen when you don't go near the water.

[Alton Motobu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three and a half stars. Series of short stories centered on a South Pacific Island during WW II where junior officers in the US Navy Public Relations office sit around all day mostly doing nothing and spend evenings drinking, dating Army nurses, and causing problems with natives, higher ranking officers, correspondents, and enlisted men. Note there are no problems with the enemy Japanese! Similar to MR. ROBERTS, but there is no Mr. Roberts, no Captain Morton, no Doc; instead, all the junior officers are like Ensign Pulver. The best story is about how Ensign Siegel with the help of beautiful schoolteacher Melora blackmail a correspondent into donating money to build a new schoolhouse. There are references to the Japanese, but nothing overtly racist (disclosure: I am Japanese American, and I did not feel insulted or threatened).

B-movie was made based on the novel starring Glenn Ford, Gia Scala, Fred Clark, Anne Francis and Earl Holliman.

[Nate Hendrix · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't like it and I didn't finish it. I got 50 pages in and gave up. I think I've said this before. i believe I am not a fan of satire. I like comedy. The book I just finished, All the Ships at Sea, had some very funny parts and I have read books in the past that were very funny. I think satire is my problem. There are movies that were described as sateric that I did not like either. Sorry, I can't come up with any titles off the top of my head.

[Ann Burgoyne · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was the first book in my "read the bestselling novel on the day of my birth for each year of my life" project. My, how times have changed. This book clearly outlined that misogyny was alive and well in 1956. Hard to stomach. The book was supposed to be hilarious according to the ads of the day. I didn't find it hilarious. It did make me glad that times are changing. Not enough yet, but from 1956 to now they've changed a lot.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the tradition of Mr. Roberts and Tales of the South Pacific, Brinkley crafts identifiable caricatures into memorable characters in a backwater post of the Pacific Theater of WWII. You can clearly see where parts of it were mined (admittedly or not) for plots in McHale's Navy and a dozen other similar works in different mediums, making it anthropologically interesting if you like that vein of literary exploration.

[Harold D Pelton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I enjoyed the book. While it is not the style of writing that keeps me turning pages, it was humorous while not slapstick funny. A nice, feel good read. Best selling fiction in 1956 in the US? I find that a little hard to understand. They did make it into a movie though. Now I'll have to read Operation Petticoat to see if the book is as funny as the Movie I remember.

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

B: No not the USNI Bluejacket edition, but a 1956 first edition I acquired a few years ago. Basis for the 1956 Glenn Ford movie, which recounts the “hardships” of rear echelon Navy public relations personnel winning the Second World War.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was backpacking in Egypt when I picked up this book. It was perfect for a lightweight summer read.

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A funny story of a task force of dedicated Navy Officers who marooned on an Island never get to see sea duty but make the most of their stay!

[Becky Veszelei · Rating 3 out of 5]

Im usually a fast reader but this book took me a while to finish. I don’t regret reading it and it had a lot of funny moments, but it’s not the best book I ever read.

[Lisa Church Sielen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very dated, misogynistic. Hi-jinx in the south Pacific during WWII.

[Trevor Wolfe · Rating 1 out of 5]

kept waiting for something to happen, and then it ended. i cannot believe this was ever popular. truly one of the most boring books i have ever read

[Amy]

1956

[Christopher · Rating 3 out of 5]

The best-selling novel in the US in 1956: a now forgotten book about a Navy public relations unit stationed in the South Pacific during WWII. The chapters in the 'novel' are more like interlinked stories with just a few common threads that eventually develop into a resolution. They're all pretty light, easy-going episodes, like the time when Edgar Rice Burroughs came to the island or the time when an influential newspaperman wanted his sheets changed daily and an officer had to do it. The sense of boredom and idleness comes through clearly, and in that respect and others, it all resembles E. B. Sledge's brief account of life on Pavuvu in his WWII memoir With the Old Breed. But very little of it is actually funny today. I liked some of it well enough, and I especially appreciated a couple of smart things about it. One thing was that it skewered the American characters' preconceptions about the 'native' islanders. They're connected to modern history, have elites educated in Europe who look down on the Americans, and in one scene explicitly look at the Americans from an anthropological point of view. The other thing was that it captures a variety of reactions to the news about Hiroshima with a sense of irony and satire: there's a sort of deadpan absurdity to how the Naval officers react with jealousy toward the Air Force and a realistic shrugging quality in how others--who seem to realize they can't fully comprehend it--just move on.

[Virginia Brien · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this in my teens (1967?) and really enjoyed it. This was in the Vietnam war era so even then I knew the book did not portray the reality of naval service. But I don't think it was intended to, much like MASH it was the authors lightening of the subject. It does not go as far as MASH on hinting at the downside but it is an enjoyable read. Thinking on the time in American history when it was written we were trying to put WWII and Korea behind us. Today this book would not be as well received as it was then.

[Carl]

An early favorite novel for me. I still remember laughing out loud at one of the early Melora scenes. I think of this book as an ancestor -- a not-particularly-literary one -- to Catch-22, which remains one of my all-time favorites, while I admit that the years have tarnished the Brinkley a bit. Still: I cherish my reading history!

[Lynda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful and funny book.

[Audie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny book, comic look at Navy life on a Pacific Island during WWII.