Fat is a family affair

by Judi Hollis

Tendencies toward overweight often are based on such factors as heredity, family lifestyles, and family eating patterns. The author shows how to identify and overcome family-related obstacles to weight loss.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction

171 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1986

About the author

For more than thirty years, Dr. Judi Hollis has been featured on CNN, Extra, Inside Edition, Oprah, Sally, and Leeza among others. Self magazine voted her treatments among the top ten in the nation. She has been a licensed family therapist for more than 30 years and is maintaining her own 70-pound weight loss. Her difficult message of promoting internal spiritual connection and deep personality change is the only valid and lasting approach to weight loss.

Reviews

[J9 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really resonated with me. Not all fat people have families that have codependent qualities, but mine sure does. After going through some hell with my family this year, I realized that much of our family network is, in fact, based on codependency. For me, it's mostly my mom. She used manipulation and the "victim" complex to get people to do what she wants. I've always fallen for it and felt sorry for her, but after her treating me so crappy this past year and then reading this book, I realize that it's time to "detach with love". Sounds hokey, I know...but was an important step for me to start losing weight. After I started detaching - not seeing her as much, not playing into her guilt trips - I started to focus on me a little more. Having a husband and kids, my whole life is about other people, however, I realized, giving so much attention to my parents, left me little room to take care of myself. So I told myself, now I'm going to start doing things for me! But then I was perplexed...what the hell was that? I didn't even know anymore what I wanted. And I realized, I wanted to be healthier...but the depression coming from the hold my family has over me and the time given to them, left me little time to exercise. And let me tell you, moving from a sedentary life to a life of eating right and exercise takes TIME. Priorities had to change and time had to be given to exercise. This made me feel and seem very selfish. But I realize I have to do it. I got up to almost 400 lbs last year and I was slowly killing myself. No more. I'm down to 330 lbs and still going. This book really helped me with that. Some of the questions from this book that I could answer yes to:

"I feel safest when I am giving."
"I only feel good about myself if I have your approval."
"I am very concerned with how you look, because you are a reflection of me."
"When you are hurting, I often feel it more deeply than you do."
"I need to be needed."
"If someone is angry with me, I find that intolerable."
"Codependents need help to take care of themselves without guilt or excessive feelings of responsibility."

If you feel like you can answer yes to some of these questions, or if you feel overly attached to your family and struggle with weight, or if you have someone close to you who weighs too much, this book is for you. It really helped me open my eyes to some things and I'm really glad my aunt gave me her copy. Obviously she knew something more about our family than I did.
One more note - it wasn't easy to write this. Please, if you have criticisms, that's ok, but try still be a little supportive as well. Thanks.

[Amy Rosenkoetter · Rating 4 out of 5]

An overall outstanding resource on eating disorders, codependency, and food obsession. The factor that kept this from being a 5-star review, however, is how degradingly she speaks of fat bodies. I have worked for years to love myself just as I am and I refuse to entertain such ugly language as so-called motivation to lose weight. It's not on every page, but there's enough of it to really put me off. Dr. Hollister might have needed to view her weight and body as disgusting to motivate herself, but I find it incredibly difficult to love and nurture something I despise, so that part of her approach does not remotely work for me.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Profoundly life-changing

I heard of this book because it was mentioned in the book Shades of Hope.

I found myself eating differently just from reading it.

I just wish it were longer and filled with even more real life stories from people in recovery

Update:
I got to the end of the book and thought, wow that was short. I went back to the table of contents and saw that I accidentally skipped 6 chapters since I was reading before bed every night and must've not realized it. So I've changed my rating to 5 stars because there were lots of examples.

Also this has led me to look for an OA meeting because it's hard and I can't conquer the food problem on my own.

[Brainfog · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the first books on eating disorders by Judi Hollis who was a leader in this field before it was a popular field. I learned a lot from her in what treatment involved and how it didn't really have much to do with food at all. The book was written over 35 years ago, so may not be as up to date as others, but it is still relevant and a leader in its day.

[ds · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Say no to food and yes to life."
"It is time to practice new ways to handle old situations."
"There is nothing so bad that a binge won't make it worse."
"To give up food you need to renegotiate your place in the world."

So the skinny (I know 🙄😂) on this is:
- stop your unhealthy behaviours around food (whatever is that for you)
- let the emotions bubble up, come to surface
- deal with them, deal with life head on instead of stuffing it down with food
- it is a long and hard process through which you should not go alone - seek help!

The book pushes hard for the O.A. (overeaters anonymous) but I think you can substitute this group for any type of therapy - the point is to change how you deal with problems; to pretty much change who you are, how you show up in life instead of turning to food.

It is not some step by step manual on how to change but it does a great job explaining why you should want to change more than just your diet in order to lose weight (or why it wouldn't work long-term without it).

[Lily Heron · Rating 4 out of 5]

This won't be for everyone but it's very straight-talking.

[Yulia Netesova · Rating 5 out of 5]

amazing book

I loved every bit and had numerous epiphanies, strongly recommend for anyone struggling with food addiction and not only. Superb!

[Ryan]

Let the immersion in eating disorders literature begin. this was a good start, I think, an approachable, practical guide to, primarily, binge-eating. It's geared towards individuals either in, or considering, recovery, but it's good for clinicians too. Hollis is a pioneer in eating disorder treatments and actually created the first eating disorder clinic in the United States. She knows of what she speaks. I like and appreciate that her approach is so wrapped up in a family systems approach, which I think is probably missing from a lot of ED treatments.

[K.N. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my introduction to fat studies aside from seedy internet forums, and it really highlighted the dysfunction in my own family as well as the dysfunction in others' families. The part of the book that enlightened me the most was the depiction of the helpful enabler who actually creates a culture of shame.

[Chuck · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent content, but poorly written. Hard to follow the structure.

[Holli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book to examine the roll food plays in our lives and in our families. I found it fascinating and useful.