What do you think?
Rate this book
Thirty-Thousand Steps: A Memoir of Sprinting Toward Life After Loss
After author Jess Keefe ended things with her long-term boyfriend, she moved in with her brother Matt in hopes that family could help her not only heal from the break-up but also evolve into a healthy adult. But that fantasy ended when Matt's heroin addiction came roaring back after lying dormant for years, leading to a fatal overdose on a warm October night.
Thirty-Thousand Steps is a powerful and transformative memoir that interweaves the author's obsessive training to becoming a distance runner, along with her singular, focused research into the science of addiction in the shadow of grief after the death of her brother.
In the year that followed Matt's death, Jess lived alone for the first time in her life while struggling with a loose, bereaved mind. She became obsessed with what happened to her brother and how things could have been different. She dove into research about addiction and drugs. She excavated their shared childhood and young adulthood for clues.
During this time, she was also learning how to become a distance runner. Jess pushed her body to its limits to quiet the chaos in her mind. After losing Matt, she knew she'd never be the same.
With a propulsive narrative, a unique voice, empathy, and even humor, Jess weaves her grieving experience together with explorations of the social, political, and scientific drivers that influenced what happened to her brother. Thirty-Thousand Steps explores the psychosocial risk factors that lead to addiction, the cudgel of Catholicism, the joy and shame in the early-aughts queer experience, and the extent to which one can push mind and body to regenerate after a major loss.
Thirty-Thousand Steps is a powerful and transformative memoir that interweaves the author's obsessive training to becoming a distance runner, along with her singular, focused research into the science of addiction in the shadow of grief after the death of her brother.
In the year that followed Matt's death, Jess lived alone for the first time in her life while struggling with a loose, bereaved mind. She became obsessed with what happened to her brother and how things could have been different. She dove into research about addiction and drugs. She excavated their shared childhood and young adulthood for clues.
During this time, she was also learning how to become a distance runner. Jess pushed her body to its limits to quiet the chaos in her mind. After losing Matt, she knew she'd never be the same.
With a propulsive narrative, a unique voice, empathy, and even humor, Jess weaves her grieving experience together with explorations of the social, political, and scientific drivers that influenced what happened to her brother. Thirty-Thousand Steps explores the psychosocial risk factors that lead to addiction, the cudgel of Catholicism, the joy and shame in the early-aughts queer experience, and the extent to which one can push mind and body to regenerate after a major loss.
284 pages, Hardcover
Published December 15, 2022
7 people are currently reading
204 people want to read
About the author
Jess Keefe
1 book13 followersJess Keefe is a writer, editor, and advocate. Her writing has been published by Teen Vogue, HuffPost, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Runner's World, and more. She has worked with national and local addiction nonprofits to increase naloxone availability and improve treatment standards. She currently lives in Richmond, Virginia.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
September 21, 2022
Five stars. This was a fantastic memoir, simultaneously informative and inspiring. It's helped me reinterpret my ideas about addiction and its victims. The author does an incredible job of encapsulating the grief, the loneliness, the outrageous lack of information on what is truly needed to help people who turn to drugs. The story reminds us to be compassionate, to notice and question our prejudices, no matter how widespread they are. I may have picked this up for the focus on running, but I'm glad I got so much more.
February 14, 2023
Deeply honest and moving. ALMOST even made me want to run
January 18, 2023
⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
This memoir is about Keefe’s loss of her brother to a heroin overdose, and how running helped her to deal with grief, anxiety and depression. I really enjoyed the first 2/3 of the book. Her descriptions of her brother’s death, the devastation of her parents and her own personal attempts to grapple with his loss, are raw and heartbreaking. She decides to participate in the Brooklyn Half-Marathon, and her training proves therapeutic. Her descriptions of how training her body helped quiet the voices in her head really resonated with me. However, the final third of the book was disappointing. Keefe seeks out mediums and even tries hallucinogenic mushrooms to try to “connect” with her dead brother. I found that section of the book self-serving and dull.
This memoir is about Keefe’s loss of her brother to a heroin overdose, and how running helped her to deal with grief, anxiety and depression. I really enjoyed the first 2/3 of the book. Her descriptions of her brother’s death, the devastation of her parents and her own personal attempts to grapple with his loss, are raw and heartbreaking. She decides to participate in the Brooklyn Half-Marathon, and her training proves therapeutic. Her descriptions of how training her body helped quiet the voices in her head really resonated with me. However, the final third of the book was disappointing. Keefe seeks out mediums and even tries hallucinogenic mushrooms to try to “connect” with her dead brother. I found that section of the book self-serving and dull.
August 10, 2023
The first part of the book was super strong and super interesting and well done on the subject of living with grief after loss. The last third of the book really threw me. The author started seeking out psychics and used hallucinogens which didn't seem to fit with the rest of the memoir. I'm disappointed because it started out so strong!
February 28, 2023
Author did a great job describing grief as well as making statistics/facts about the current opioid crisis understandable. Story dragged on a bit for me and didn’t need the last 100 pages in my opinion. Glad to have read this book
January 15, 2023
I didn't think a book that so adeptly tackles the topic of grief could also be so funny. Brings the nebulousness of the opioid crisis into sharp focus as the author shares her brother with the world. Great read!
March 5, 2023
This memoir was a moving account of loss and addiction that somehow even manages to make you smile. Highly recommend!
October 3, 2024
Memoir on sister’s healing following overdose of her brother. Although final third of book was a little less engaging, overall good read.
April 26, 2023
The most heart-wrenching and uplifting memoir of life after loss that I’ve read in a while. Jess Keefe talks about the traumatic event of losing her younger brother to a heroin overdose after years of battling his addiction. This book is for anyone who has lost someone, for the people left reeling and grieving after a tragic death of a loved one far too soon.
A story about how we cope after loss, and the things that help us get by - Jess takes you through the journey and you feel like you’re right there in the trenches with her. Alongside this, Jess provides so many thought-provoking and eye opening discussions about drug addiction and the factors that influence people’s addictions.
This book brought me sorrow and joy in equal amounts, and made me feel far less alone in the aftermath of a life-altering loss.
A story about how we cope after loss, and the things that help us get by - Jess takes you through the journey and you feel like you’re right there in the trenches with her. Alongside this, Jess provides so many thought-provoking and eye opening discussions about drug addiction and the factors that influence people’s addictions.
This book brought me sorrow and joy in equal amounts, and made me feel far less alone in the aftermath of a life-altering loss.
April 28, 2023
My wife died very suddenly 6 months ago and I have been listening/reading almost every book on grief that I can get hold off (15 books so far), so decide to give this one a try and was very pleasantly surprised on a number of fronts. Firstly it was for me a compelling story of someone trying to make sense of the very messy world we live in. The richness of the language and writing was quirky and entertaining which helped turn such a tragic tale into memorable audio book and I ended up re-listening to about half the chapters to make sure I did not miss anything. Several of the happenings were highly triggering for me, like the calling of the ambulance, the hospital and funeral scenes, and subsequent grief, but I kept listening and it was well worth it. The grief experiential aspects and the way Jess struggles thru her day to day living had many similarities to my experience - ie real. The benefits of reading such books to people experiencing grief are difficult to determine but I believe these types of books have really helped me. For me they definitely help help shine a light in my grief tunnel and have helped me deal with my many issues since my wife died. Thank you for sharing Jess.
January 12, 2023
The experience of reading Jess's book is kind of like that late night confessional you have after a few beers with a best friend who hears your deepest pain and not only accepts it without judgement, but makes you do something you haven't done in a long time: laugh. This book came to me at a time when I really needed it, and will be added to what I've begun to think of as my bedside grief canon, sandwiched in between Joan Didion and that grief journal I'm supposed to be writing in but keep avoiding. This book is for anyone who struggles to let go of the fantasy that they could have done more to 'save' someone with an addiction, who agonizes over a particular point in time when they missed or ignored a sign, who is stumbling blindly on their grief journey, who is stunned at how such a terrible thing could happen to them. Jess provides readers with a guidepost on this road, and the reassurance that she's traveled it, too.
March 13, 2025
Had to take some bullet points for this one:
- immediately you get a sense of how much admiration Jess had for her late brother Matt. This story develops beyond a memoir and transforms into a reflection of a life Jess grieves and celebrates.
- Parallels between the physical act of training for a marathon whilist treating your mental health is the core of the plot.
- I don't want to relay too much, since you have to let this book lead you into those sacred memories.
- The inclusion of valuable data and research extends this read into an analysis on why humans are so prone to addiction.
- I have so many good things to share about it, however I give it somewhere between a 3.5-4 because I felt something was missing. Maybe it's a stylistic preference but nonetheless, I'd recommend reading this in a few sessions as the content can get graphic
- immediately you get a sense of how much admiration Jess had for her late brother Matt. This story develops beyond a memoir and transforms into a reflection of a life Jess grieves and celebrates.
- Parallels between the physical act of training for a marathon whilist treating your mental health is the core of the plot.
- I don't want to relay too much, since you have to let this book lead you into those sacred memories.
- The inclusion of valuable data and research extends this read into an analysis on why humans are so prone to addiction.
- I have so many good things to share about it, however I give it somewhere between a 3.5-4 because I felt something was missing. Maybe it's a stylistic preference but nonetheless, I'd recommend reading this in a few sessions as the content can get graphic
March 31, 2023
Thirty-Thousand Steps is a deeply moving memoir about grieving the loss of her brother and numbing the pain by training for a marathon. In the book, the author candidly describes her relationship with her younger brother, his drug addiction, and the horror of finding him dead of an overdose. In the year following his death, the author was haunted by the question: why him? They'd had everything they needed growing up, loving parents and resources. Yet, this still happened to her brother...but why not her? She was also struggling with loneliness. So, she set a goal to run the Boston Half Marathon. Her initial relationship with running was toxic as she recklessly pushed her body to its limits. But eventually, she found peace in the quiet of her mind. Through running, she discovered a new sense of purpose.
Even though this was a memoir about the author's personal experience with loss, it was also about the rampant opioid epidemic and how it devastatingly affects families nationwide. The author shows us, through her eyes, that people aren't just statistics. She dives into the wishful thinking of the "beating drugs" community, who push the idea of trying harder to kick the addiction. When really, addiction is a disease. Thirty-Thousand Steps is beautiful, unique, poignant, and profound.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
Even though this was a memoir about the author's personal experience with loss, it was also about the rampant opioid epidemic and how it devastatingly affects families nationwide. The author shows us, through her eyes, that people aren't just statistics. She dives into the wishful thinking of the "beating drugs" community, who push the idea of trying harder to kick the addiction. When really, addiction is a disease. Thirty-Thousand Steps is beautiful, unique, poignant, and profound.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
January 6, 2023
LOVED this. Loved the bits of sociological research sprinkled in with a whole lot of big strong honest self disclosure, all wrapped up in a witty and sarcastic delivery. Loved the exploration of all the silly little things we humans do when we’re processing hard stuff. Loved the copious amount of flash backs and flash forwards that mimicked the true nonlinear timeline of grief and trauma. Loved the discussions of addiction and drugs and how we mostly always handle these things the wrong way. Loved the narrator on the audiobook too. Loved it all.
January 17, 2023
This book deals with the author’s grief after losing her queer younger brother to a drug overdose. The running is sort of peripheral and feels like a different (much more boring) book. I think the title should have focused on grief, not running. The most interesting parts to me were when the author ruminated on how her brother ended up where he did, and her immediate and delayed reactions to his death. The writing flits around from vignette to vignette as if it wasn’t edited into a whole. The book is very imperfect, but I’m glad I read it.
March 6, 2023
Thirty-Thousand Steps is a beautiful book. Yes, it's a story of addiction and grief structured around the literal and metaphoric act of training for a marathon, but some of the most moving passages are about the author and her younger brother navigating young adulthood together, searching for their places in the world. It's difficult for one book to juggle so many different themes, but they're woven together seamlessly. The humor and indomitable spirt of the author make the book a real joy to read, despite the tragedy of addiction and loss.
April 6, 2023
Found this book in new section at library. It was a very informative book on a hard subject.
Set in Massachusetts and New York, I was drawn to the hardships of drug addiction and the toll it takes on so many young people and their families. I truly hope there will be more resources for this problem, and wish all the best to the author and her family. I think Mount Auburn is a beautiful place and found it slightly comforting to know that Matt was laid to rest there.
Set in Massachusetts and New York, I was drawn to the hardships of drug addiction and the toll it takes on so many young people and their families. I truly hope there will be more resources for this problem, and wish all the best to the author and her family. I think Mount Auburn is a beautiful place and found it slightly comforting to know that Matt was laid to rest there.
April 11, 2023
Personal and informative, Keefe does a beautiful job of interweaving a sharp critique of the American Government’s handling of the opioid crisis within her memories of her brother. I found her arguments about the morality judgments associated with drug use particularly persuasive, and felt my own biases and opinions challenged at regular intervals. It also made me want to run a half marathon lol.
October 25, 2024
Jess writes a beautiful tribute to her bother Matt's life. Addiction impacts us all in big ways and small.
From the book: “A compassionate, public health approach to drug use and addiction is our only way out. It’s an approach that is measurably proven to save and restore lives. But it also does something that can’t be tangibly measured. It broadcasts love, care and acceptance. It shows people in need that we get it, or at least we want to get it.”
From the book: “A compassionate, public health approach to drug use and addiction is our only way out. It’s an approach that is measurably proven to save and restore lives. But it also does something that can’t be tangibly measured. It broadcasts love, care and acceptance. It shows people in need that we get it, or at least we want to get it.”
December 26, 2022
An intimate, hilarious, and honest window into addiction and grief. Keefe brings you into the unpredictable and inexplicable ways mourning manifests. In grappling with her loss, helps us to, if not understand the opioid crisis, to see it at a human scale, to not simply numb ourselves and turn away and in her own journey of healing shows we need not be perfect to be better.
January 22, 2023
Whether or not you run, have lost a loved one, or have battled addition, this memoir feels candid, intimate, and relatable. Thirty-Thousand Steps is moving and funnier than you’d think a story about such dark subjects could be. A refreshing take on loss, addiction, and America’s flailing response to the opioid epidemic.
March 5, 2023
I finished this book in a day - two sittings. I couldn't stop reading.
Keefe not only shares her tender personal story of losing a cherished family member to addiction, but also masterfully contextualizes why far too many individuals have been impacted by the opioid crisis in America. It's a mesmerizing weaving of memoir, history, therapy, harm reduction resources, & pop culture.
Keefe not only shares her tender personal story of losing a cherished family member to addiction, but also masterfully contextualizes why far too many individuals have been impacted by the opioid crisis in America. It's a mesmerizing weaving of memoir, history, therapy, harm reduction resources, & pop culture.
June 14, 2023
3.5 stars. This was good. As others have mentioned, more a book on losing someone and addiction (and issues with the way we treat/don’t treat addiction in the US) than running, but I think the subtitle gives that away. I wasn’t looking for a running book in the first place and this was a very moving tribute to her close relationship with her brother in spite of the addiction
July 29, 2023
An excellent memoir that revolves around the complexity of addiction, beautifully and compellingly written, I couldn't put it down. Jess Keefe's prose is so warm and engaging, so sure of itself. Even when she brought in facts, I found them all so engrossing, it never felt dry at all. Highly, highly recommend this book.
August 31, 2023
I'm on a bit of a "stories about addiction" run. This one is told by the surviving sister. I nearly gave up on this at the beginning... much reflecting in grief, which makes me uncomfortable, but it was interspersed nicely with her story of recovery (or really, management) of grief with training for a marathon (having not done one before).
September 24, 2023
What a brilliant memoir. Jess shares the tragic impact of her brothers eventual overdose on her and her family.
It talks in depth about addiction so definitely worth bearing in mind.
Her journey to her own recovery from this tragic event is raw and honest. I have my own grief journey which is hard enough but to add addiction to this, truly heartbreaking.
It talks in depth about addiction so definitely worth bearing in mind.
Her journey to her own recovery from this tragic event is raw and honest. I have my own grief journey which is hard enough but to add addiction to this, truly heartbreaking.
October 29, 2023
I appreciate Keefe writing this book. While I don't have personal experience with addiction (in myself, or those close to me), she does a great job of letting you get to know her brother separately from his disease. So much grief and so much loss, but Keefe managed to express it in a way that was beautiful and hopeful.
December 29, 2022
This book was beautifully written. I picked it up thinking I was getting a book about running but instead found myself on an incredibly insightful journey with the author as she worked through grief and trauma and brought some humanity to our drug addiction crisis.
April 6, 2023
(audiobook) 3.5. I thought the information she presents on addiction was well researched, and I really liked the narrative about her brother. However, the running storyline didn't tie in well for me, and the last 20% of the book felt unnecessary.
July 14, 2023
This book was my fist memoir. I could only get myself to read the first 50 pages before I couldn’t go on anymore. Ik this whole book was about healing and giving a fresh perspective to addicts, but I just couldn’t get into it. I loved the sentiment, but sadly this was a DNF.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews