Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent

by Janis Abrahms Spring, Michael Spring

From bestselling author and clinical psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring comes a refreshingly honest and tender portrait of a devoted daughter caring for her father through his final years of life

After her mother died, Janis Abrahms Spring "inherited" her father-Pop- and set off on an all-consuming five-year mission to make his days as rich and comfortable as possible. This is their story, overflowing with humor, insight, and love. In beautifully crafted vignettes, spring brings their deepening relationship to life-both the joy and the imposition, the happiness and the heartaches.

From her unique perspective as a clinical psychologist, Spring explores the emotional and practical complexities of parenting a parent. Inspiring, deeply moving, and frank, Life with Pop is an ultimately comforting meditation on a universal experience, as well as a book with profound lessons on how to grow old gracefully.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a profound and sensitive book that explores a serious cultural issue of our day. More and more adults are facing the challenge of not only saying goodbye to their parents, but making their goodbyes over a drawn-out period of exhausting caretaking. The story and lessons Dr. Spring shares are told in a personal and realistic way - at times, I felt she was even too personal, too realistic. As I progressed through the pages, however, I realized that, rather than being a draw-back of the writing, the sometimes stark narrative was actually making her feelings more real to me. The personal, awkward moments she shared were tastefully related - never shocking or grotesque... just very real.

This is not a journey I have personally traveled yet, but my mother & aunt are facing this situation in their own lives right now. Still, I learned many important things from this book - things that have benefited seemingly unrelated issues in my own life, and things I have been able to share with my mother in the challenge she is dealing with. I am very glad to have read it, and highly recommend it to adult readers of all backgrounds.

[Christina Chadick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book portrays a loving-yet-realistic relationship between an adult daughter who must balance her own wants and needs with the wants and needs of her aging father. Notably, the author doesn't paint herself as a martyr, and actually denies her father's begging requests to live with her: "No," the daughter says. "You can't live with me, Dad. As much as I love you, as much as I owe you. It won't work for me." Still, as just her father emphatically declared that his late wife was a GOOD woman, and just as the author emphasizes that her father, too, was a GOOD man, the author is a GOOD daughter, demonstrated by countless acts of compassion and devotion. Despite the heavy motifs, the book is an easy and enjoyable read, organized into short diary-style chapters. I visited my 64-year-old mom recently, and I have to say that I couldn't help but be bit more tender and patient having read this book.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just finished this book and while I appreciate how honest the author was in writing her feelings of caring for her father I had a hard time sympathizing with her. I guess it was because she wrote about her feelings that most people would not share with others. In a way it was good to know that it's ok to feel this way and you're not alone in feeling that taking care of a parent can be a burden. She also showed what a joy it can be as well. She really got to spend some quality time with her father and got to know him on a deeper level. I know I will think about this book if/when my mother needs to be taken care of. All in all I recommend anyone going through taking care of a parent to read this and know that they are not alone.

[Sheila · Rating 3 out of 5]

A wonderful, heartfelt, honest, funny, sad, touching look at the author and her father's final five years together before his death. I would highly recommend this book to anyone with an elderly parent, to help them understand their natural but conflicted feelings in dealing with the stress of caring for an aging parent. I would also recommend this book to those who may soon be the elderly parent themselves, to see how to grow old gracefully, how to cherish every day for the small joys in them. Life is precious, relationships are important, and death is a natural part of every life.

[Patricia Hagaman · Rating 5 out of 5]

One thing I learned in reading this book is that we all need to think long and hard what we believe about life and death.
After losing two wonderful parents, within a year of each other, it is not an easy choice to make. Even when they have made their decision very clear to everyone about their desire to live or to die, there is a part of us that questions their choice. We may respect the decision to not be a burden on family, and the choice to go gracefully, but in some cases just sharing time with them becomes bittersweet.

[julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a First Reads winner that I expected to pass on right away but instead I picked it up for a quick glance and ended up reading the whole thing. This is a light read even as it deals with heavy subject matter and delves into the complex emotions and situations faced by a daughter dealing with her father at the end of his independence and finally at the end of his days. I appreciate the view of this situation from the perspectives of author as a daughter first and as a psychologist a distant second.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book as a First Read. I entered to win it because my mother-in-law has terrible Alzhiemer's and I was hoping to read something. I'm not sure what, but something. Let me tell you, this book gave me a few somethings. The author describes caring for her elderly father, her feelings, the hard stuff, the fun stuff and the pretty damn bad stuff. She articulated many of the things I have felt.

[Claire Mojieski · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book as a First Reads.
This book talks about the good, the bad, and the ugly (and sometimes there is more ugly than anything else) that is involved in taking care of an aging parent. I have not yet had to take care of an aging parent, but I did take care of my Grandma for 15 years so I feel that this book still relates to me. I think this is a must read for anyone that is caring for a family member or thinks they may have to in the future.

[Marti · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many wonderful gems in this book. Touches on the physical and emotional aspects of caring for an aging parent- the health decline, the guilt, finding balance, the siblings, the decisions...
the author is a psychiatrist and she has counseled many in this area, her insights were helpful. Yet, when I finished the book, I felt it didn't go deep enough in exploring the issues that were brought into play. I felt vaguely disappointed

[Irene · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminded me of much I went through when my Mom died at 88. Now I am taking care of my 94 year old Dad. He has just had to switch from a cane to a walker after a fall. I know I will read it again.

[Donna · Rating 2 out of 5]

It wasn't too bad. There were of course some sad parts. It's hard to be a caregiver.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read for anyone in a caregiving role.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book because it made me think about what kind of decision I would make for my parents. This book was so interesting!

[Lily You · Rating 4 out of 5]

Death is the greatest opportunity in life at which you get to practice the seemingly conflicting virtues of memory and oblivion.

[Sheila Chou · Rating 5 out of 5]

P44
爸爸不會永遠在這裡。我不會永遠在這裡，不要把這段時間看成理所當然的。

P88
因為即使她不知道我是誰，我還沒忘記她是誰。

P120
我們走過一生，遵從著禮儀和規定，很少停下來想想：「這是為什麼？」

P190
我背了一段昆得拉(Kundera)在《生命中不能承受之輕》(The unbearable lightness of Being)寫的一段話「沒有比憐憫更沉重的東西。一個人自身的痛苦比不上感受到了他人的痛苦。這是一種因想像而強化，經由百般迴響而不斷延長的痛苦。」

P204
到什麼程度生命就不是生命?誰可以決定呢?我是爸爸身體照顧的代理人，他的聲音，他的保護者，他給了我那項權利，但我憑什麼判斷他已經活夠了，生命對他來說已經不值得活下去?即使他只是從前那個人的一部分了，但他還活著－而我不是上帝。

P242
失去父母時，我們成長。當面對他們生命的有限時，我們也面對自己的。忽然，我們成為孤兒，沒有人來保護我們，抵禦生命的有限。我們無處可藏－下一個就輪到我們。

P246
日子像卷軸。只在那兒寫上你要人們記得你的事。

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exactly what I needed