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Letters to My Weird Sisters: On Autism and Feminism
‘Limburg describes movingly her own struggles as a new mother and the pressure of society’s expectations…Through such delicately intertwined experiences, Limburg quietly shouts for change.’ Times Literary Supplement
It seemed to me that many of the moments when my autism had caused problems, or at least marked me out as different, were those moments when I had come up against some unspoken law about how a girl or a woman should be, and failed to meet it.
An autism diagnosis in midlife enabled Joanne Limburg to finally make sense of why her emotional expression, social discomfort and presentation had always marked her as an outsider. Eager to discover other women who had been misunderstood in their time, she writes a series of wide-ranging letters to four ‘weird sisters’ from history, addressing topics including autistic parenting, social isolation, feminism, the movement for disability rights and the appalling punishments that have been meted out over centuries to those deemed to fall short of the norm.
This heartfelt, deeply compassionate and wholly original work humanises women who have so often been dismissed for their differences, and will be celebrated by ‘weird sisters’ everywhere.
It seemed to me that many of the moments when my autism had caused problems, or at least marked me out as different, were those moments when I had come up against some unspoken law about how a girl or a woman should be, and failed to meet it.
An autism diagnosis in midlife enabled Joanne Limburg to finally make sense of why her emotional expression, social discomfort and presentation had always marked her as an outsider. Eager to discover other women who had been misunderstood in their time, she writes a series of wide-ranging letters to four ‘weird sisters’ from history, addressing topics including autistic parenting, social isolation, feminism, the movement for disability rights and the appalling punishments that have been meted out over centuries to those deemed to fall short of the norm.
This heartfelt, deeply compassionate and wholly original work humanises women who have so often been dismissed for their differences, and will be celebrated by ‘weird sisters’ everywhere.
272 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2021
134 people are currently reading
4989 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 125 reviews
December 29, 2021
My one complaint about this phenomenal book is that while it deals exclusively with the intersection of gender and neurodivergence, Limburg at no point acknowledges that many non-binary people, especially those who were assigned female, as well as trans men, will be able to identify strongly with the experiences being ascribed to women here, despite not being women themselves. Even as Limburg refers to the work of non-binary activists within the text, she fails to acknowledge her non-binary and trans male siblings who have lived a lot of the same formative experiences as cis women. I hope that in future editions of this book, the author can at least make a note acknowledging that she’s really mostly talking about people who were assigned female.
Otherwise, as a very recently diagnosed autistic woman, I am very grateful for this book. I needed it.
Otherwise, as a very recently diagnosed autistic woman, I am very grateful for this book. I needed it.
October 29, 2022
"autistic = perseverating on details others discard, as in a poem: the tension between the poetic line and its grammar'. That’s as good a definition of autism as I’ve ever read, and reminds me of the value of the unclassified routes down which our autistic brains so often travel. Speed, familiarity and convenience are good, but they aren’t everything. Sometimes you need the difficulty to get where you’re going."
April 17, 2023
one of those books i would give more stars if i could. i've never looked into autism and feminism before and why had i ever not? so much about this makes so much sense and i ached often with how much limburg's words resonated. through letters to women considered 'weird' (limburg arguing who may in fact have autistic traits making them considered 'weird') she explores her own autistic experience and experience of womanhood, and the intersection of ableism and sexism, and therefore disability rights and feminism, throughout history. autistic women failing at 'womanhood' was an incredible concept; i'd heard about how many autistic people consider their neurotype inherently entangled with their sense of gender and also knew that many autistics consider themselves gender nonconforming. i had never properly examined autistic womanhood until i saw spelled out in many examples and experiences ways autistic women appear to defy and 'fail', in the eyes of the patriarchy, to be women. if women are expected not to take up space, to be small, adorable, pretty, hairless, quiet, talkative, socially adept, emotionally responsive, graceful, multitasking, socially conscious, attractive under the male gaze, relenting, 'understanding', gentle of speech and god forbid they have needs, many many autistic women immediately fail to be 'proper women' from a deeply patriarchal perspective. this is of course a very black and white way of putting the more complex argument of limburg's, and it plays out in a more nuanced way in society; this was a revolutionary idea to me. motherhood and autism too was a powerfully explored topic. limburg's book approached intersectionality and privilege in autism (especially in context of masking to think of one example) with such grace and thought, which was incredibly refreshing and powerful to read. i think her talking about masking moved me the most. please read it, it's incredible.
update: it is very easy to read and straightforwardly laid out yet complex and engaging. I think my less awestruck second read goes to show how much i've learned between now and my first read which is pretty cool.
update: it is very easy to read and straightforwardly laid out yet complex and engaging. I think my less awestruck second read goes to show how much i've learned between now and my first read which is pretty cool.
August 30, 2023
2.5 I really wanted to like this book and to learn from it. Once I got past the interminable introduction, I appreciated the chapter on Virginia Woolf. The next chapter went back to a far too meandering and personal narrative, when she was meant to be writing about Adelheid Bloch. I guess I didn't understand what this book was meant to be. An academic work on four seemingly autistic women? A memoir? A window into autism? A better editor might have sharpened the focus and kept me reading. As it was, I DNF'd it.
January 30, 2023
Found this hard to get into at first just because of the style it’s written (each chapter is a letter from the author to another woman of history with autism) but once I did it was great. The author did an awesome job explaining how it feels to have autism rather than explaining what autism is.
March 12, 2023
I thought this book was absolutely wonderful - a creative and moving way to highlight the challenges of being a woman with autism. Highly recommended.
October 11, 2021
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“We are, all of us, striving constantly to pass those normality exams, to take our raw and boundless selves and squash them into the forms of neater and nicer girls.”
Letters to my werid sisters er opbygget som 4 breve fra forfatteren til 4 historiske kvinder. Det er 4 kvinder som forfatteren identificerer som “werid sisters” som blev udstød pga der unormale opførsel.
Forfatteren er selv autistisk og frem for at prøve at diagnostisere disse kvinder så fortæller hun om deres liv og oplevelser og hvordan hun tolker det gennem en autistisk linse. Samtidig deler hun refleksion fra sit eget liv og der hvor hun kan se sig selv i deres liv.
Det faktum er at det breve gør at der bliver skrevet til dem i stedet for om dem, hvilket er forfriskende. Når disse fortælling og refleksioner kobles sammen med feminisme og handicapaktivsme, så sker der magi. Det er en stærk og kraftfuld måde at se det indre perspektiv af autisme.
Det var magisk at føle sig set, men det var også hårdt.
Jeg synes det var hårdt at blive mindet om alle de små “double takes” og folk misbilligende blikke om træder ved siden af. Det var en super interessant vinkel at tage at det den manglende villighed til efterleve feminitet på samme måde som neurotypiske der gør folk utilpasse.
Men forfatteren ser også på hendes egen lyst til at separere sig fra specifikke typer af autistiske mennesker, såsom dem der er hjerneskadet eller lignede, hun reflektere over det. Hun reflekterer også hvorfor den måde vi snakker om folk med intellektuelle handicap på er skadelige, især konceptet mental alder.
Jeg tror det er sundt for mange os at høre om handicappede mennesker som vi måske ikke selv identificerer og jeg tror at dette er en god måde at starte. For selvom forfatteren ikke selv er intellektuelt handicappede så giver hun gennem hele bogen henvisninger til yderlig læsning.
Hvilket tager noget benarbejde ud af det og giver folk som mig et sted at starte.
Jeg vil helt klart anbefale denne bog til enhver som gerne vil vide mere om autisme fra indeperspektiv, og som gerne vil reflektere over hvad det vil sige at vokse op som autist og pige i vores samfund.
“We are, all of us, striving constantly to pass those normality exams, to take our raw and boundless selves and squash them into the forms of neater and nicer girls.”
Letters to my werid sisters er opbygget som 4 breve fra forfatteren til 4 historiske kvinder. Det er 4 kvinder som forfatteren identificerer som “werid sisters” som blev udstød pga der unormale opførsel.
Forfatteren er selv autistisk og frem for at prøve at diagnostisere disse kvinder så fortæller hun om deres liv og oplevelser og hvordan hun tolker det gennem en autistisk linse. Samtidig deler hun refleksion fra sit eget liv og der hvor hun kan se sig selv i deres liv.
Det faktum er at det breve gør at der bliver skrevet til dem i stedet for om dem, hvilket er forfriskende. Når disse fortælling og refleksioner kobles sammen med feminisme og handicapaktivsme, så sker der magi. Det er en stærk og kraftfuld måde at se det indre perspektiv af autisme.
Det var magisk at føle sig set, men det var også hårdt.
Jeg synes det var hårdt at blive mindet om alle de små “double takes” og folk misbilligende blikke om træder ved siden af. Det var en super interessant vinkel at tage at det den manglende villighed til efterleve feminitet på samme måde som neurotypiske der gør folk utilpasse.
Men forfatteren ser også på hendes egen lyst til at separere sig fra specifikke typer af autistiske mennesker, såsom dem der er hjerneskadet eller lignede, hun reflektere over det. Hun reflekterer også hvorfor den måde vi snakker om folk med intellektuelle handicap på er skadelige, især konceptet mental alder.
Jeg tror det er sundt for mange os at høre om handicappede mennesker som vi måske ikke selv identificerer og jeg tror at dette er en god måde at starte. For selvom forfatteren ikke selv er intellektuelt handicappede så giver hun gennem hele bogen henvisninger til yderlig læsning.
Hvilket tager noget benarbejde ud af det og giver folk som mig et sted at starte.
Jeg vil helt klart anbefale denne bog til enhver som gerne vil vide mere om autisme fra indeperspektiv, og som gerne vil reflektere over hvad det vil sige at vokse op som autist og pige i vores samfund.
August 30, 2025
You are listening to this audiobook as the author addresses different figures in letters.
You are being addressed, but it’s not you. It is Virginia Woolf, Adelheid Bloch, Frau V, and Katharina Kepler.
This is mainly about how autism gets mixed up with the idea of ‘failing’ at being a woman.
This felt like a self-insert which is fine because this is a deeply personal book where the author is coming to terms with her own behaviours and actions, and other people’s reactions and expectations.
The letters started strongly, addressing the ‘weird sisters’ and taking their historical context and biography to explain the links between autism and degradation. Then it becomes self-indulgent and centred around the author’s anxieties and worries and perceived failures as a girl, mother, child.
I think the author had good things to say, especially how autistic people have to perform all the time. Either to mask to fit in, or to be autistic enough to prove they are. However, I did not get on with the writing style and the almost blog post style of the book.
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You are being addressed, but it’s not you. It is Virginia Woolf, Adelheid Bloch, Frau V, and Katharina Kepler.
This is mainly about how autism gets mixed up with the idea of ‘failing’ at being a woman.
This felt like a self-insert which is fine because this is a deeply personal book where the author is coming to terms with her own behaviours and actions, and other people’s reactions and expectations.
The letters started strongly, addressing the ‘weird sisters’ and taking their historical context and biography to explain the links between autism and degradation. Then it becomes self-indulgent and centred around the author’s anxieties and worries and perceived failures as a girl, mother, child.
I think the author had good things to say, especially how autistic people have to perform all the time. Either to mask to fit in, or to be autistic enough to prove they are. However, I did not get on with the writing style and the almost blog post style of the book.
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December 21, 2024
Pisma mojim čudnim sester so eseji, napisani kot pisma štirim ženskam iz preteklosti.
Prva je Virginia Woolf, ena mojih najljubših pisateljic, ki je imela težave z duševnim zdravjem in naredila samomor. Poleg knjig je Woolf zapustila tudi veliko pisem in dnevnikov, ki so dali vpogled v njena razmišlljanja in težave.
Ostale tri ženske so praktično neznane.
Adelheid Bloch je bila rojena v začetku 20.stoletja, preboleli meningitis ji je poškodoval del možganov in je med ostalim izgubila sposobnost govora. V skladu s takratnim nazori, je živela v psihiatrični bolnišnici, dokler ni postala ena od 200.000 žrtev Hitlerjevega evgenističnega režima.
Frau V je bila mama dečka, ki ga je avstrijski zdravnik Hans Asperger med drugo svetovno vojno opazoval in zdravil v svoji kliniki. Asperger jo je omenjal v dečkovih zdravstvenih žurnalih, ko je ocenjeval njen odnos do sina.
Tretja čudna sestra je Katharina Kepler, ki je živela konec 16. in začetek 17. stoletja in bila mama matematika in astronoma Johannesa Keplerja. Katharina je bila obsojena čarovništva, zapiski iz sodnih procesov povejo tudi marsikaj o njeni osebnosti in kako jo je sprejemala okolica.
Joanne Limburg, ki je nevrodivergentna (diagnozo avtizma je dobila pri svojih 42 letih), se v pismih obrača na svoje čudne sestre iz preteklosti in jim pripoveduje, katere od njihovih lastnosti in težav prepozna tudi sama.
Poleg tega se pisateljica v pismih dotakne tudi različnih drugih tematik. Virginii Woolf piše npr o posledicah pričakovanj, ki jih je imela družba do žensk v različnih časih, vse od oblačenja, govora do prijateljevanja in obnašanja v javnosti. Adelheid Bloch pove, kako invalide družba še vedno težko smatra kot prave, enakopravne ljudi. Seveda to podpre z dejstvi - v VB je bila smrtnost zaradi covida 6 krat višja za invalide kot za neinvalide. V pismu Frau V razmišllja o materinstvu, o odnosih med avtističnimi materami in njihovimi otroci, o preseku med avtizmom in pritiskom patriarhije - do nedavnega je bila psihiatrija prepričana, da deklice in ženske ne morejo biti avtistke. S Katharino Keppel pisateljica piše o tem, kako družba še vedno obsoja ženske, ki se obnašajo in izražajo drugače.
Skratka, Pisma mojim čudnim sestram (moj prevod naslova, v slovenščino delo žal še ni prevedeno), so eseji, ki se dotaknejo feminizma, materinstva in avtizma. Obvezno branje za vse (pre)pozno diagnosticirane čudne sestre, priporočam pa tudi za vse, ki vas zanima feminizem kot intersekcionalnost.
Knjiga je ena tistih, ki jih kupim takoj po izidu, potem pa čakam z branjem, da pride "pravi trenutek", ko si predstavljam, da bom maksimalno uživala v branju. Zdaj mi je žal, da je nisem že prej prebrala, vem pa, da jo bom ponovno vzela v roke. Pa ne le enkrat.
Prva je Virginia Woolf, ena mojih najljubših pisateljic, ki je imela težave z duševnim zdravjem in naredila samomor. Poleg knjig je Woolf zapustila tudi veliko pisem in dnevnikov, ki so dali vpogled v njena razmišlljanja in težave.
Ostale tri ženske so praktično neznane.
Adelheid Bloch je bila rojena v začetku 20.stoletja, preboleli meningitis ji je poškodoval del možganov in je med ostalim izgubila sposobnost govora. V skladu s takratnim nazori, je živela v psihiatrični bolnišnici, dokler ni postala ena od 200.000 žrtev Hitlerjevega evgenističnega režima.
Frau V je bila mama dečka, ki ga je avstrijski zdravnik Hans Asperger med drugo svetovno vojno opazoval in zdravil v svoji kliniki. Asperger jo je omenjal v dečkovih zdravstvenih žurnalih, ko je ocenjeval njen odnos do sina.
Tretja čudna sestra je Katharina Kepler, ki je živela konec 16. in začetek 17. stoletja in bila mama matematika in astronoma Johannesa Keplerja. Katharina je bila obsojena čarovništva, zapiski iz sodnih procesov povejo tudi marsikaj o njeni osebnosti in kako jo je sprejemala okolica.
Joanne Limburg, ki je nevrodivergentna (diagnozo avtizma je dobila pri svojih 42 letih), se v pismih obrača na svoje čudne sestre iz preteklosti in jim pripoveduje, katere od njihovih lastnosti in težav prepozna tudi sama.
Poleg tega se pisateljica v pismih dotakne tudi različnih drugih tematik. Virginii Woolf piše npr o posledicah pričakovanj, ki jih je imela družba do žensk v različnih časih, vse od oblačenja, govora do prijateljevanja in obnašanja v javnosti. Adelheid Bloch pove, kako invalide družba še vedno težko smatra kot prave, enakopravne ljudi. Seveda to podpre z dejstvi - v VB je bila smrtnost zaradi covida 6 krat višja za invalide kot za neinvalide. V pismu Frau V razmišllja o materinstvu, o odnosih med avtističnimi materami in njihovimi otroci, o preseku med avtizmom in pritiskom patriarhije - do nedavnega je bila psihiatrija prepričana, da deklice in ženske ne morejo biti avtistke. S Katharino Keppel pisateljica piše o tem, kako družba še vedno obsoja ženske, ki se obnašajo in izražajo drugače.
Skratka, Pisma mojim čudnim sestram (moj prevod naslova, v slovenščino delo žal še ni prevedeno), so eseji, ki se dotaknejo feminizma, materinstva in avtizma. Obvezno branje za vse (pre)pozno diagnosticirane čudne sestre, priporočam pa tudi za vse, ki vas zanima feminizem kot intersekcionalnost.
Knjiga je ena tistih, ki jih kupim takoj po izidu, potem pa čakam z branjem, da pride "pravi trenutek", ko si predstavljam, da bom maksimalno uživala v branju. Zdaj mi je žal, da je nisem že prej prebrala, vem pa, da jo bom ponovno vzela v roke. Pa ne le enkrat.
June 21, 2021
Letters to My Weird Sisters is a book where the author writes to four women in history who she identifies as her weird sisters. They are women that were outcasted from society and judged for their ‘not normal’ behaviour.
The author is autistic and writes about her own stories and experiences, where she has been judged for her ‘weird’ behaviour. The author relates to the four women and finds common ground with them, she empathises and apologises for the wrongs that these women experienced. I liked how I was able to learn more about women I know of, such as Virginia Woolf and women who I haven’t and how society treated them.
I have not read much on autism and I felt like this was a good starting point for me as it was easy to digest but was still powerful and sometimes harrowing. The authors experience of her feelings of fear, and guilt that she went through during pregnancy and after birth was really vulnerable.
I really enjoyed the way that autism and being judged for ‘weird’ behaviour was linked to feminism. How as women we are held to certain expectations of how we act and behave and are constantly reminded and policed on that. If you do not behave that way, then you are judged and singled out. It also addressed how commonly mothers are blamed for autism in children, which was informative for me to read.
Overall, an interesting book that covered topics that I have not read about before. I would definitely recommend.
Thank you Netgalley and Atlantic Books for allowing me to read and review this.
The author is autistic and writes about her own stories and experiences, where she has been judged for her ‘weird’ behaviour. The author relates to the four women and finds common ground with them, she empathises and apologises for the wrongs that these women experienced. I liked how I was able to learn more about women I know of, such as Virginia Woolf and women who I haven’t and how society treated them.
I have not read much on autism and I felt like this was a good starting point for me as it was easy to digest but was still powerful and sometimes harrowing. The authors experience of her feelings of fear, and guilt that she went through during pregnancy and after birth was really vulnerable.
I really enjoyed the way that autism and being judged for ‘weird’ behaviour was linked to feminism. How as women we are held to certain expectations of how we act and behave and are constantly reminded and policed on that. If you do not behave that way, then you are judged and singled out. It also addressed how commonly mothers are blamed for autism in children, which was informative for me to read.
Overall, an interesting book that covered topics that I have not read about before. I would definitely recommend.
Thank you Netgalley and Atlantic Books for allowing me to read and review this.
August 24, 2022
It is everything I've always wanted to read (or write myself). Being autistic myself (and proud autism mum as well), it highly resonated with me. The book touches upon eugenics, psychodynamics, nazism, mum-shaming, being weird and different, social isolation, and of course, not dressing well.
Joanne Limburg is my hero. And this is an absolute stunner of a book.
Joanne Limburg is my hero. And this is an absolute stunner of a book.
June 30, 2023
I am so grateful that this book was written, and I will be forever glad that I picked it up.
For the longest time, I have felt disappointed at the lack of writing that directly addresses autism and feminism in an in depth way, despite it so desperately being needed but this book filled that void for me and did an incredible job at it.
I was immediately drawn in by the description of how it feels to be a person that triggers the 'uncanny valley' phenomenon in others - I have thought about, read and watched videos on this many times, focusing on why and how it happens - but never once have I come across something that chooses to focus on what it actually feels like to be the person on the receiving end of being registered that way and what it does to you as a person. Within the first few pages, this book identified and articulated feelings and experiences I had not yet been able to name, process, or articulate myself. From that light bulb moment at the very beginning I found it hard to put down.
I love the way this books looks at autism and feminism through a myriad of ways; literary and media analysis, history, current society, politics, different cultural backgrounds, psychological, physiological and anecdotal and considers both the personal and societal impact these things have on the lives of autistic people.
My personal favourites were the letter to Virginia Woolf, Adelheid Bloch, and Katharina Kepler - although every letter is exceptional.
I could honestly gush about this book for ages, so I'll stop myself now and just finish by saying that I would recommend this to anybody. I think everybody could benefit from reading the perspectives that this book offers. I have been waiting to read something like this for a very long while, and I know I will keep coming back to it many times now that I have finished it.
For the longest time, I have felt disappointed at the lack of writing that directly addresses autism and feminism in an in depth way, despite it so desperately being needed but this book filled that void for me and did an incredible job at it.
I was immediately drawn in by the description of how it feels to be a person that triggers the 'uncanny valley' phenomenon in others - I have thought about, read and watched videos on this many times, focusing on why and how it happens - but never once have I come across something that chooses to focus on what it actually feels like to be the person on the receiving end of being registered that way and what it does to you as a person. Within the first few pages, this book identified and articulated feelings and experiences I had not yet been able to name, process, or articulate myself. From that light bulb moment at the very beginning I found it hard to put down.
I love the way this books looks at autism and feminism through a myriad of ways; literary and media analysis, history, current society, politics, different cultural backgrounds, psychological, physiological and anecdotal and considers both the personal and societal impact these things have on the lives of autistic people.
My personal favourites were the letter to Virginia Woolf, Adelheid Bloch, and Katharina Kepler - although every letter is exceptional.
I could honestly gush about this book for ages, so I'll stop myself now and just finish by saying that I would recommend this to anybody. I think everybody could benefit from reading the perspectives that this book offers. I have been waiting to read something like this for a very long while, and I know I will keep coming back to it many times now that I have finished it.
August 15, 2021
The structure and flow of this book was exceptional and I found it utterly fascinating. In her letters, the author reveals insights into her own experiences that at times made for difficult reading (often very relatable), but with an ultimately empowering message.
This book is a must read for all women who have or suspect they have autism, parents of girls with autism, partners, friends or relatives of girls and women with autism. Perhaps everyone actually! Just read it!
This book is a must read for all women who have or suspect they have autism, parents of girls with autism, partners, friends or relatives of girls and women with autism. Perhaps everyone actually! Just read it!
January 3, 2025
I enjoyed this book very much (but then I realise I don't tend to read books I don't enjoy!).
There was a depth of thought and a lot of diverse information on this book that I wasn't expecting, as Joanne Limburg - through the medium of her letters to four historical 'weird' women - focussed on the intersection of autism (or known autistic 'traits') and womanhood, so often 'incorrect' womanhood and motherhood. It was very interesting to think of this through a feminist lens, how the narrowness of what it is to be a woman, and the disempowerment, lower status, and oppression of women more broadly, particularly when we are 'weird'. (I loved the references to Stephen King's Carrie in the letter to Virginia Woolf, as another awkward 'weird' woman and the subsequent rejection from her peers but also the discomfort provoked in the responses of her 'nice' peers as they fail in their own moral code as a result of the need to fit in themselves.)
Themes included conventions around the appearance and performance of 'femininity' and the ways our 'weirdness' so often impacts that, the tragic consequences of ableism and what it is to have 'a life worth living', the blame of mothers either as neglectful ('refrigerator mothers') or as over involved, and the tensions in society when women speak out and live in a different way (particularly living independently of men). Joanne writes both of her own sense of failure, and also guilty, of employing a nanny to help her to care for her child. As an autistic woman who has consistently struggled with domestic chores and been judged and found wanting for this, it did make me think how in a better more connected society sharing of tasks and diverse skills would make for better structural support with the things we find hard, and greater appreciation of us just as we are as mothers (women) doing our best, particularly perhaps with our weirdness, being held to an account that most men (also co parents?) are not. As a lesbian I also need to think more about how this form of sexism as a mother has played out in my life (as it has) in same sex relationships.
I would have liked more expansiveness and inclusion on gender non conformity, including trans and non binary people, and also in relation to sexuality. It is well known that autistic people are more represented than general population in the LGBT+ umbrella.
The recipients of the letters was diverse, from the well known Virginia Woolf, through to Adelheid Bloch and Frau V whose lives were so devastated by Nazi ideology in relation to autism and disability, and the fascinating Katharina Kepler, mother of the famous scientist Joannes Kepler, who found herself accused of witchcraft in the 17th century. The book was by terms informative and reflective as Joanne considered aspects of the women's lives in relation to her own, and I felt that I learned a lot.
My favourite letter was the one to Katharina Kepler, giving an insight into some of the ways in which a hostile society can be so actively harmful to a woman who advocates for herself, and does not conform, and the social risks and costs of that. Joanne made some interesting references here to Greta Thunberg, a modern well known autistic young woman who has been vilified for her lack of normative femininity as she speaks on the obvious critical problem of climate change to a world often so unwilling to listen.
As a counsellor this book made me (appropriately) uncomfortable in it's section on 'Nice Lady Therapists' and the role of our profession in upholding conformity and convention, and absorbing feelings and responses that need expression in the world! I think a lot about the uses and misuses of therapy in a traumatising, unequal society with very real need for material change. Joanne also makes links to how "women of colour are never further away from social ease and acceptance than when she is calling out racism, sexism or their blended manifestation". I thought of my own commitment to justice and the need to 'speak truth to power' but the costs of that socially and also the inevitable depletion, and also material harm, increasingly in a society cracking down hard on protest.
I thought a lot about Joanne's description of 'adulthood' as ableist in its expectations of financial independence, home ownership, living independently etc. but thought how we probably need more class analysis here, and also maybe a critique of the desirability of this as a capitalist individualistic notion given the pressure this puts so many people under and how unattainable this so often is.
I appreciated the themes raised, particularly as they may pertain to weird women, and the horrible and dangerous responses of conventional (?neurotypical) society to that. Overall a thought provoking book and certainly one I will read again.
There was a depth of thought and a lot of diverse information on this book that I wasn't expecting, as Joanne Limburg - through the medium of her letters to four historical 'weird' women - focussed on the intersection of autism (or known autistic 'traits') and womanhood, so often 'incorrect' womanhood and motherhood. It was very interesting to think of this through a feminist lens, how the narrowness of what it is to be a woman, and the disempowerment, lower status, and oppression of women more broadly, particularly when we are 'weird'. (I loved the references to Stephen King's Carrie in the letter to Virginia Woolf, as another awkward 'weird' woman and the subsequent rejection from her peers but also the discomfort provoked in the responses of her 'nice' peers as they fail in their own moral code as a result of the need to fit in themselves.)
Themes included conventions around the appearance and performance of 'femininity' and the ways our 'weirdness' so often impacts that, the tragic consequences of ableism and what it is to have 'a life worth living', the blame of mothers either as neglectful ('refrigerator mothers') or as over involved, and the tensions in society when women speak out and live in a different way (particularly living independently of men). Joanne writes both of her own sense of failure, and also guilty, of employing a nanny to help her to care for her child. As an autistic woman who has consistently struggled with domestic chores and been judged and found wanting for this, it did make me think how in a better more connected society sharing of tasks and diverse skills would make for better structural support with the things we find hard, and greater appreciation of us just as we are as mothers (women) doing our best, particularly perhaps with our weirdness, being held to an account that most men (also co parents?) are not. As a lesbian I also need to think more about how this form of sexism as a mother has played out in my life (as it has) in same sex relationships.
I would have liked more expansiveness and inclusion on gender non conformity, including trans and non binary people, and also in relation to sexuality. It is well known that autistic people are more represented than general population in the LGBT+ umbrella.
The recipients of the letters was diverse, from the well known Virginia Woolf, through to Adelheid Bloch and Frau V whose lives were so devastated by Nazi ideology in relation to autism and disability, and the fascinating Katharina Kepler, mother of the famous scientist Joannes Kepler, who found herself accused of witchcraft in the 17th century. The book was by terms informative and reflective as Joanne considered aspects of the women's lives in relation to her own, and I felt that I learned a lot.
My favourite letter was the one to Katharina Kepler, giving an insight into some of the ways in which a hostile society can be so actively harmful to a woman who advocates for herself, and does not conform, and the social risks and costs of that. Joanne made some interesting references here to Greta Thunberg, a modern well known autistic young woman who has been vilified for her lack of normative femininity as she speaks on the obvious critical problem of climate change to a world often so unwilling to listen.
As a counsellor this book made me (appropriately) uncomfortable in it's section on 'Nice Lady Therapists' and the role of our profession in upholding conformity and convention, and absorbing feelings and responses that need expression in the world! I think a lot about the uses and misuses of therapy in a traumatising, unequal society with very real need for material change. Joanne also makes links to how "women of colour are never further away from social ease and acceptance than when she is calling out racism, sexism or their blended manifestation". I thought of my own commitment to justice and the need to 'speak truth to power' but the costs of that socially and also the inevitable depletion, and also material harm, increasingly in a society cracking down hard on protest.
I thought a lot about Joanne's description of 'adulthood' as ableist in its expectations of financial independence, home ownership, living independently etc. but thought how we probably need more class analysis here, and also maybe a critique of the desirability of this as a capitalist individualistic notion given the pressure this puts so many people under and how unattainable this so often is.
I appreciated the themes raised, particularly as they may pertain to weird women, and the horrible and dangerous responses of conventional (?neurotypical) society to that. Overall a thought provoking book and certainly one I will read again.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 24, 2024
wow, a great read and written in a surprising way i really enjoyed. a bit heavy at times in definitions and historical-ness but enjoyable anyways.
August 29, 2024
Found it both fascinating and terrifying to learn about the history of autism and how autistic women were treated over the past few centuries. There were times I got lost especially with the amount of references to people or places unfamiliar to me. An interesting read nonetheless!
August 15, 2024
More accurate rating: 7/10.
Found this decently relatable and moving in places; it was certainly a relaxing and quietly though-provoking read.
Found this decently relatable and moving in places; it was certainly a relaxing and quietly though-provoking read.
March 13, 2023
INCREDIBLE!!!! deserves so much more recognition. the letter structure was super refreshing & allowed for a really engaging exploration of disability and feminism. the juxtaposition of historical, anecdotal, and sociological perspectives significantly enriched limburg’s examination of the intersection of ableism and misogyny. overall a really strong book, both moving and informative.
à lire!
à lire!
January 17, 2022
I absolutely adored this book!
I love her approach to the book, the writing to our weird sisters, not about them. I also appreciate the amount of introspection and confidence required to write about such taboo subjects.
I look forward to reading more of her work!
I love her approach to the book, the writing to our weird sisters, not about them. I also appreciate the amount of introspection and confidence required to write about such taboo subjects.
I look forward to reading more of her work!
October 30, 2024
Didn't finish this, found it difficult to engage with. A bit self indulgent and not super insightful imo.
December 26, 2024
“On the one hand, she is exhausting to run, and drains resources from me, resources which I might otherwise use to be the best version of my autistic self rather than an inferior version of a non-autistic woman. And SGJ (socially gracious joanne) is in some respects a lousy piece of kit: she doesn't always work, she has limited spontaneity and almost no initiative, she can't always quite fit herself to the situations she finds herself in, and anyone who's around her for long enough will start to notice the joins and hear the creaking.”
^achingly familiar? In reading this book, I hope I didn’t focus my attention only on the parts of the autistic experience (not that there’s one experience) that I could relate to- the distance between inner and outer life, gap between what I think and can actually communicate to others, and only finding out the basis for my “weirdness” later than most people with the same brand of weird. But I think that’s half of good literature- pointing out the universal experiences that neurotypical people experience flashes of and neurodivergent people live with constantly.
The other half describes the frustrations I had no experiential basis for understanding, with a patience that the author (and most neurodivergent people) rarely receive and that I certainly didn’t deserve, including:
- assumption that those who care for others cannot require care themselves (preventing autistic parents from adopting/fostering)
- difficulties autistic people have in advocating for themselves to medical professionals- often written off as hostile and “talking too much”, receive substandard care as a result
- delayed diagnosis of autism in women because of our ability to mask and conform to what makes people around us most comfortable. Notice how resting bitch face only applies to women? We must never rest, always be ready to socially facilitate and comfort those around us- men can retreat to the interiority of their thoughts without worrying what other people may feel about their knit brows or far-off expressions.
^achingly familiar? In reading this book, I hope I didn’t focus my attention only on the parts of the autistic experience (not that there’s one experience) that I could relate to- the distance between inner and outer life, gap between what I think and can actually communicate to others, and only finding out the basis for my “weirdness” later than most people with the same brand of weird. But I think that’s half of good literature- pointing out the universal experiences that neurotypical people experience flashes of and neurodivergent people live with constantly.
The other half describes the frustrations I had no experiential basis for understanding, with a patience that the author (and most neurodivergent people) rarely receive and that I certainly didn’t deserve, including:
- assumption that those who care for others cannot require care themselves (preventing autistic parents from adopting/fostering)
- difficulties autistic people have in advocating for themselves to medical professionals- often written off as hostile and “talking too much”, receive substandard care as a result
- delayed diagnosis of autism in women because of our ability to mask and conform to what makes people around us most comfortable. Notice how resting bitch face only applies to women? We must never rest, always be ready to socially facilitate and comfort those around us- men can retreat to the interiority of their thoughts without worrying what other people may feel about their knit brows or far-off expressions.
May 23, 2025
This book was so relatable. Specially, this part:
"That said, I do remember a point where I consciously decided to change. It was after three years of hanging on miserably at university – if I had valued myself and my well-being more than I valued keeping my status and saving my face, I would have left after the first term. In the first year, I had fucked up royally, socially as well as academically: I got rejected, a lot, and, to a lesser extent, bullied. I felt lost and terrified all the time, but apparently I was intimidating. I did not know how to look after myself, or manage my time, and found the shared accommodation unbearably noisy. I missed tutorials; I failed to hand in essays. I overslept and almost missed one of my exams. In the second and third years I had shut everything down and shrunk inside myself, hoping that at least I could come out with a degree. I worked just enough and complained too much, exhausting a lot of people’s patience. I got a degree, but I didn’t know what to do with it, or myself. I came to the conclusion there was no doing anything with myself as I was. I was repulsive to myself and fairly sure that I was repulsive to other people too, particularly male people (a serious problem for a straight girl). For my sake and everybody else’s, I would have to change. I wrote a diary, itemizing my faults, where I denounced myself as a ‘failed girl’, and told myself to start again. I started doing sit-ups and flattened my stomach. I could not afford to leave my parental home, but I found the first of many short-lived jobs, commuted and received a tiny pay packet every month, which felt like a small step towards real personhood. I started a distance learning course in Creative Writing so that I could learn that properly, from the beginning. On Mondays after work, I went to a poetry workshop at City University; on Wednesdays after work I went to a centre in Queen’s Park which offered therapy to young people, at rates which young people with tiny pay packets could afford."
"That said, I do remember a point where I consciously decided to change. It was after three years of hanging on miserably at university – if I had valued myself and my well-being more than I valued keeping my status and saving my face, I would have left after the first term. In the first year, I had fucked up royally, socially as well as academically: I got rejected, a lot, and, to a lesser extent, bullied. I felt lost and terrified all the time, but apparently I was intimidating. I did not know how to look after myself, or manage my time, and found the shared accommodation unbearably noisy. I missed tutorials; I failed to hand in essays. I overslept and almost missed one of my exams. In the second and third years I had shut everything down and shrunk inside myself, hoping that at least I could come out with a degree. I worked just enough and complained too much, exhausting a lot of people’s patience. I got a degree, but I didn’t know what to do with it, or myself. I came to the conclusion there was no doing anything with myself as I was. I was repulsive to myself and fairly sure that I was repulsive to other people too, particularly male people (a serious problem for a straight girl). For my sake and everybody else’s, I would have to change. I wrote a diary, itemizing my faults, where I denounced myself as a ‘failed girl’, and told myself to start again. I started doing sit-ups and flattened my stomach. I could not afford to leave my parental home, but I found the first of many short-lived jobs, commuted and received a tiny pay packet every month, which felt like a small step towards real personhood. I started a distance learning course in Creative Writing so that I could learn that properly, from the beginning. On Mondays after work, I went to a poetry workshop at City University; on Wednesdays after work I went to a centre in Queen’s Park which offered therapy to young people, at rates which young people with tiny pay packets could afford."
Read
May 20, 2024An interesting idea for a book, but quite hard to pull off in practice. Hard to write context into a letter for an audience other than the person the letter is addressed to, in the same way it's hard to write an actually good open letter. Some interesting thoughts on class and eugenics in here, but a bit didactic at times. I do feel like after reading this, I have more capacity to be a nurturing presence in the lives of loved ones who are autistic. I finished reading this a long time ago, so not the most insightful comments here. I have not had time to review books with the sort of depth I desire these path few months, and have neglected entering anything. So I'm now likely going to be writing a few sentences for each book in the large back log that has accumulated since earlier this year.
February 2, 2026
I had first started this several years ago and then a friend asked about it and do I said I’d try it again. It’s honestly wonderful and hard to put down when you get going and yet I found it hard to bring myself to read as it was so close to the bone, it hit the bone. So many pages of this deeply resonate, Joanne perfectly captures the self-awareness, and a kind of shame of being a middle class white, cis, heterosexual woman on the autism spectrum. Despite privilege it really hurts being on the spectrum and even when we/I look or present as able, inside we’re often struggling. I could say much more and I’m sure I will, just not here
May 8, 2024
Bem, por onde começar, não é verdade? Acho que vou começar pelo mais óbvio ao abrir este livro: a forma como a autora escolheu organizá-lo. A escrita deste livro em formato de cartas para pessoas reais fascinou-me. Só posso imaginar o tempo de pesquisa investido para a escrita deste livro. Sim, porque a autora não se limita a escrever de forma superficial, a autora procura conhecer a pessoa a quem se destina a carta, a autora procura perceber as características centrais da pessoa endereçada. Isso fascinou-me, adorei ver a simbiose entre a autora e as pessoas a quem escolheu escrever a carta.
Este livro está imensamente bem conseguido também pelo facto de que não aborda apenas o autismo de uma forma lata… Aborda o autismo como o espetro que ele, assume a diferença individual de cada pessoa e chama a atenção para a individualidade dentro do espetro (que por si só já é tão vasto!). Um livro que abordasse este tema para mim já seria deveras interessante, mas um livro que aborda o tema, que é escrito em formato de carta e que trata de outros temas igualmente importantes só poderia ser maravilhoso! Vemos neste livro a complexidade do espetro do autismo especificamente em mulheres, o diagnóstico tardio, as dificuldades que advém do desconhecimento, a negligência na escola, o papel da mulher na sociedade, as exigências do homem, o papel do homem, o que é esperado de cada um de nós!
E o que nós esperamos dos outros! Pedimos a pessoas autistas que vivam e que se adaptem a um mundo nao-autista que não se esforça para se adaptara a elas e onde o julgamento e a não aceitação são as palavras de ordem… E eu pergunto: onde é que isto faz sentido?!?
“Most people see autism as something that is wrong with a person, rather than different about them!”
Este livro está imensamente bem conseguido também pelo facto de que não aborda apenas o autismo de uma forma lata… Aborda o autismo como o espetro que ele, assume a diferença individual de cada pessoa e chama a atenção para a individualidade dentro do espetro (que por si só já é tão vasto!). Um livro que abordasse este tema para mim já seria deveras interessante, mas um livro que aborda o tema, que é escrito em formato de carta e que trata de outros temas igualmente importantes só poderia ser maravilhoso! Vemos neste livro a complexidade do espetro do autismo especificamente em mulheres, o diagnóstico tardio, as dificuldades que advém do desconhecimento, a negligência na escola, o papel da mulher na sociedade, as exigências do homem, o papel do homem, o que é esperado de cada um de nós!
E o que nós esperamos dos outros! Pedimos a pessoas autistas que vivam e que se adaptem a um mundo nao-autista que não se esforça para se adaptara a elas e onde o julgamento e a não aceitação são as palavras de ordem… E eu pergunto: onde é que isto faz sentido?!?
“Most people see autism as something that is wrong with a person, rather than different about them!”
January 5, 2025
This was really meaningful and informative. I thought I might be bored only knowing about one of the four “weird sisters,” but I liked how everyday they were. It was a reminder that while there were a lot of undiagnosed autistic women with a celebrity status, there were far more everyday people struggling against the norms (or even laws) of their time.
April 6, 2022
Breathtaking. Deeply moving. Hauntingly intimate. Impossible to put down!
December 20, 2023
brb just gonna go psycho analyse every historical woman to see if they have autism
July 1, 2024
Wasn't sure at the beginning but it totally won me round. I loved all the links between the women the letters were written too and the modern day implications.
7.5/10
7.5/10
February 26, 2025
The interweaving of historical examples and Joanne’s lived experiences was particularly powerful in this book with letters to women who also did not adhere to societal ‘norms’. I enjoyed the references to the work of other authors and particularly the letters to Frau V and Katherine Kepler. The book highlighted the continued vulnerability of women who speak up or act in ways that challenge the norms of patriarchal society, while also inspiring me to do that. I liked the idea of ‘unmothering’ recognising that we need to be thinking and acting more as a community.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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