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Good for a Girl: A Woman Running in a Man's World
Fueled by her years as an elite runner and advocate for women in sports, Lauren Fleshman offers her inspiring personal story and a rallying cry for reform of a sports landscape that is failing young female athletes
Lauren Fleshman has grown up in the world of running. One of the most decorated collegiate athletes of all time and a national champion as a pro, she was a major face of women's running for Nike before leaving to shake up the industry with feminist running brand Oiselle and now coaches elite young female runners. Every step of the way, she has seen the way that our sports systems--originally designed by men, for men and boys--fail young women and girls as much as empower them. Girls drop out of sports at alarming rates once they hit puberty, and female collegiate athletes routinely fall victim to injury, eating disorders, or mental health struggles as they try to force their way past a natural dip in performance for women of their age.
Part memoir, part manifesto, Good for a Girl is Fleshman's story of falling in love with running as a girl, being pushed to her limits and succumbing to devastating injuries, and daring to fight for a better way for female athletes. Long gone are the days when women and girls felt lucky just to participate; Fleshman and women everywhere are waking up to the reality that they're running, playing, and competing in a world that wasn't made for them. Drawing on not only her own story but also emerging research on the physiology and psychology of young athletes, of any gender, Fleshman gives voice to the often-silent experience of the female athlete and argues that the time has come to rebuild our systems of competitive sport with women at their center.
Written with heart and verve, Good for a Girl is a joyful love letter to the running life, a raw personal narrative of growth and change, and a vital call to reimagine sports for young women.
Lauren Fleshman has grown up in the world of running. One of the most decorated collegiate athletes of all time and a national champion as a pro, she was a major face of women's running for Nike before leaving to shake up the industry with feminist running brand Oiselle and now coaches elite young female runners. Every step of the way, she has seen the way that our sports systems--originally designed by men, for men and boys--fail young women and girls as much as empower them. Girls drop out of sports at alarming rates once they hit puberty, and female collegiate athletes routinely fall victim to injury, eating disorders, or mental health struggles as they try to force their way past a natural dip in performance for women of their age.
Part memoir, part manifesto, Good for a Girl is Fleshman's story of falling in love with running as a girl, being pushed to her limits and succumbing to devastating injuries, and daring to fight for a better way for female athletes. Long gone are the days when women and girls felt lucky just to participate; Fleshman and women everywhere are waking up to the reality that they're running, playing, and competing in a world that wasn't made for them. Drawing on not only her own story but also emerging research on the physiology and psychology of young athletes, of any gender, Fleshman gives voice to the often-silent experience of the female athlete and argues that the time has come to rebuild our systems of competitive sport with women at their center.
Written with heart and verve, Good for a Girl is a joyful love letter to the running life, a raw personal narrative of growth and change, and a vital call to reimagine sports for young women.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 10, 2023
796 people are currently reading
21518 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,169 reviews
January 24, 2023
I can't begin to tell you how amazing this book is. If you're a female, an athlete, a runner, a parent or a coach Fleshman's book is for you. Fleshman's book is part memoir, part book about being a female athlete in a male dominated world. I could have highlighted something on every page and I spent a lot of time reading or summarizing bits and pieces for my husband (who also wants to read this book for himself). This is a book I'll be pressing into the hands of the XC parents I'm friends with and buying copies of for the coaches my daughters have had.
December 16, 2022
I wish I could have come to this book knowing nothing of Lauren Fleshman; I think I would have had a very different reading experience. But, really, who is the audience for this book? Likely it's people who already know Fleshman—those who know her personally, those who know her career, those who follow her on the socials, and those who merely know "of" her. So perhaps it's unrealistic to wish I could have read this book with no prior knowledge of Fleshman or her platform. Few likely will.
The reason I wish I had come in ignorant is because I had high (maybe unreasonably high) expectations for this book. Having attended two Wilder Retreats and heard Fleshman read her "messy draft" writing aloud, I knew she could write beautiful prose with a lot of feeling and meaning behind it. I picked up this memoir expecting that sort of writing, but what I got was drier and more clinical. And I get it: she wanted to write not just a memoir, but a manifesto (so says the cover copy). She wants this book to help change the sport of running. The trouble for me as a reader is that every time I finally felt the memoir part of the book picking up steam, it got interrupted with a history lesson or some sort of societal commentary about what I was supposed to take away from the story I was reading. It made for jerky reading, and I never got that full, pleasurable, immersive reading experience I had hoped for.
That's not to say the book failed at what it set out to do. On the contrary, I think it will be well received. It's quite timely, and it doesn't wander; it sticks to its guns and its message from start to finish. Fleshman wants to be a change agent, and she wants to make sure no one misconstrues what she is setting out to do. In that she has succeeded, but unfortunately, in my view, it's at the expense of what could have been a beautifully told tale.
The reason I wish I had come in ignorant is because I had high (maybe unreasonably high) expectations for this book. Having attended two Wilder Retreats and heard Fleshman read her "messy draft" writing aloud, I knew she could write beautiful prose with a lot of feeling and meaning behind it. I picked up this memoir expecting that sort of writing, but what I got was drier and more clinical. And I get it: she wanted to write not just a memoir, but a manifesto (so says the cover copy). She wants this book to help change the sport of running. The trouble for me as a reader is that every time I finally felt the memoir part of the book picking up steam, it got interrupted with a history lesson or some sort of societal commentary about what I was supposed to take away from the story I was reading. It made for jerky reading, and I never got that full, pleasurable, immersive reading experience I had hoped for.
That's not to say the book failed at what it set out to do. On the contrary, I think it will be well received. It's quite timely, and it doesn't wander; it sticks to its guns and its message from start to finish. Fleshman wants to be a change agent, and she wants to make sure no one misconstrues what she is setting out to do. In that she has succeeded, but unfortunately, in my view, it's at the expense of what could have been a beautifully told tale.
March 27, 2023
“Success to me looked like developing the empowered athlete, not just the winning athlete.”
Could it be that athletics is just as much about attaining pride in one’s form, one’s life satisfaction, than about winning? That confidence, self-actualization, and the pursuit of the mind-body-soul balance should be the true goals of sport? That pushing the body to the limit just for the sake of the win might not be the healthiest thing?
And most importantly, must we continue to ignore the reality of young women in sports having to conform to a male paradigm?
Fleshman absolutely opened my eyes to a number of important issues affecting female athletes. The body dysmorphia, the eating disorders, the different standards, all brought to light through her own story of success on a tightrope. I surely enjoyed hearing those running stories, but cringed at some of the problems competition at that level developed. I especially found myself gripping the edges and gritting my teeth when I heard how major sports sponsors view pregnancy. I was thrilled to see her find a home with a company with women’s issues at its forefront.
It's all backed up with solid research. Clearly she knows her stuff, both on the biological and sociological side. It does make the story a little jerky, flipping back and forth through an interesting idea and her own personal reflections and stories. The writing gets a little slow at times, just offering details about practices or meets without that sharp view of the issues, truly the hallmark of this book. But a fantastic final chapter, offering wonderful philosophy on the future of sport, and chuck full of quotes like the one I cited above.
An important text that’s shifted my view of sports. A must-read for any athlete, any gender, in any sport (especially track and field).
Could it be that athletics is just as much about attaining pride in one’s form, one’s life satisfaction, than about winning? That confidence, self-actualization, and the pursuit of the mind-body-soul balance should be the true goals of sport? That pushing the body to the limit just for the sake of the win might not be the healthiest thing?
And most importantly, must we continue to ignore the reality of young women in sports having to conform to a male paradigm?
Fleshman absolutely opened my eyes to a number of important issues affecting female athletes. The body dysmorphia, the eating disorders, the different standards, all brought to light through her own story of success on a tightrope. I surely enjoyed hearing those running stories, but cringed at some of the problems competition at that level developed. I especially found myself gripping the edges and gritting my teeth when I heard how major sports sponsors view pregnancy. I was thrilled to see her find a home with a company with women’s issues at its forefront.
It's all backed up with solid research. Clearly she knows her stuff, both on the biological and sociological side. It does make the story a little jerky, flipping back and forth through an interesting idea and her own personal reflections and stories. The writing gets a little slow at times, just offering details about practices or meets without that sharp view of the issues, truly the hallmark of this book. But a fantastic final chapter, offering wonderful philosophy on the future of sport, and chuck full of quotes like the one I cited above.
An important text that’s shifted my view of sports. A must-read for any athlete, any gender, in any sport (especially track and field).
January 27, 2023
As a former D1 athlete & someone who loves running, I related to a lot of this and just found it very fascinating. Highly recommend. 4.5 stars rounded up
February 5, 2023
As an aging age-group triathlete and the mother of a female collegiate runner I was looking forward to this book, but I was quite disappointed. I saw all the 5-star reviews and felt obligated to respond.
The problem I am having with this book is that it is superficial.
Nike is an evil & misogynistic company? Really? Did anyone NOT know that? I've know that for 30+ years and haven't bought a single product.
As far as the women's issues are concerned, she started to talk about the physiology of women, but then stopped. She talked about the pervasive eating disorders in T&F, but she was smart and easily overcame her obsessive clean eating practices. Where was the scientific stuff about periods and Uta Pippig winning the Boston marathon with her menstrual blood flowing down her legs? (see below)
To be honest, this entire book read like cognitive dissonance and I am surprised that Malcolm Gladwell, of all people, didn't see it before he endorsed it. At least the way I read it, she only challenged the (male) norms when she was injured. Everything was great when things were going her way; when they weren't it was the patriarchy. (The patriarchy undoubtably was at fault, but she only noticed when it didn't benefit her).
I felt that this book was a marketing opportunity for Oiselle. There are some good resources on their site (if you dig); the best day to run a race is the first day of your period -- something I read about (and knew from personal experience) 30-years ago. BUT NOT MENTIONED IN THE BOOK. (It is 'somewhere' on the website).
The maternity issue: I am ~10-years older than Lauren. I ran throughout both of my pregnancies (9 mo and 8 mo, respectively). As a mother of two, I expected to hear about her relationship with running throughout pregnancy and managing young children. Her response to pregnancy was that it was an alien invading her body. It was as if pregnancy was an intermission in her real life. (I'm sure she adores her children).
Oiselle and Lauren Fleshman want to support female athletes and maternity, and yet they have NO maternity clothing on their website. So how exactly are they supporting pregnant and postpartum athletes?
On it's face this looks like a great story of female empowerment, but when you dig deeper it's just another opportunity to exploit women.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
The problem I am having with this book is that it is superficial.
Nike is an evil & misogynistic company? Really? Did anyone NOT know that? I've know that for 30+ years and haven't bought a single product.
As far as the women's issues are concerned, she started to talk about the physiology of women, but then stopped. She talked about the pervasive eating disorders in T&F, but she was smart and easily overcame her obsessive clean eating practices. Where was the scientific stuff about periods and Uta Pippig winning the Boston marathon with her menstrual blood flowing down her legs? (see below)
To be honest, this entire book read like cognitive dissonance and I am surprised that Malcolm Gladwell, of all people, didn't see it before he endorsed it. At least the way I read it, she only challenged the (male) norms when she was injured. Everything was great when things were going her way; when they weren't it was the patriarchy. (The patriarchy undoubtably was at fault, but she only noticed when it didn't benefit her).
I felt that this book was a marketing opportunity for Oiselle. There are some good resources on their site (if you dig); the best day to run a race is the first day of your period -- something I read about (and knew from personal experience) 30-years ago. BUT NOT MENTIONED IN THE BOOK. (It is 'somewhere' on the website).
The maternity issue: I am ~10-years older than Lauren. I ran throughout both of my pregnancies (9 mo and 8 mo, respectively). As a mother of two, I expected to hear about her relationship with running throughout pregnancy and managing young children. Her response to pregnancy was that it was an alien invading her body. It was as if pregnancy was an intermission in her real life. (I'm sure she adores her children).
Oiselle and Lauren Fleshman want to support female athletes and maternity, and yet they have NO maternity clothing on their website. So how exactly are they supporting pregnant and postpartum athletes?
On it's face this looks like a great story of female empowerment, but when you dig deeper it's just another opportunity to exploit women.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
![Profile Image for laurel [the suspected bibliophile].](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.gr-assets.com%2Fimages%2FS%2Fcompressed.photo.goodreads.com%2Fusers%2F1645808644i%2F7494844._UX200_CR0%2C6%2C200%2C200_.jpg&w=128&q=75)
May 25, 2023
A really, really good memoir about a professional female runner.
Both insightful and damning, Fleshman takes a look at how women are treated in the world of sports—both at elite and amateur levels—and how this treatment vastly differs from men.
While much of the book is focused on a concept of gender binary (and also white feminism), Fleshman does acknowledge (briefly) that trans folks' participation in sports is just as important and valued, and that GNC folks face barriers to participation in sports that's harmful and discriminatory—and she acknowledges her previously misunderstanding of feminism and how she bought into the role of being proud of being told she "trained and raced like a man," separating herself from women who couldn't "cut" it.
Anywho, I think it's definitely a great read, and one for parents, coaches, and other people who either are athletes or around athletes or watch sports or partake in sports to read, because it shows just how far misogyny goes when it comes to athletics, and how much is lost when male athletes and pretty white female athletes are centered over everyone else.
Both insightful and damning, Fleshman takes a look at how women are treated in the world of sports—both at elite and amateur levels—and how this treatment vastly differs from men.
While much of the book is focused on a concept of gender binary (and also white feminism), Fleshman does acknowledge (briefly) that trans folks' participation in sports is just as important and valued, and that GNC folks face barriers to participation in sports that's harmful and discriminatory—and she acknowledges her previously misunderstanding of feminism and how she bought into the role of being proud of being told she "trained and raced like a man," separating herself from women who couldn't "cut" it.
Anywho, I think it's definitely a great read, and one for parents, coaches, and other people who either are athletes or around athletes or watch sports or partake in sports to read, because it shows just how far misogyny goes when it comes to athletics, and how much is lost when male athletes and pretty white female athletes are centered over everyone else.
January 14, 2023
A must read for female athletes, the people who love them and the people who coach them.
March 10, 2024
So important that a book like this exists for women in track and field (and honestly any female athlete). It also brought back so many memories of college track and I miss it a lot. I wish I had someone like Fleshman in my life, my relationship with my body and food would be so different. Must let this book marinate for a bit.
February 17, 2023
I wish I had had this boom to read 10+ years ago when I coached women’s high school water polo briefly. As a man, you think you’re being sensitive and understanding, but after reading this, you truly understand you’ve got no idea what is going on with the girls/women you are coaching.
Lauren Fleshman’s honesty and openness really helped open my eyes to understand many of the interactions O had that didn’t go the way I expected and illustrated there were so many possible other drivers of behavior that I didn’t even have a concept about. Her honesty just flies off the pages and I’m going to recommend this book to every male coach I know and really every male and female athlete and parent I know.
Read the book. Advocate for women and girls. As a man, it’s just a great reminder to listen to women and let them tell you what we need to do for them, not try to solve the problem from a male perspective.
Thank you Mrs. Fleshman, this was educational. Also, listened to her interview interview on Matt Dixon’s Purple Patch podcast and it inspired me to buy her book.
Lauren Fleshman’s honesty and openness really helped open my eyes to understand many of the interactions O had that didn’t go the way I expected and illustrated there were so many possible other drivers of behavior that I didn’t even have a concept about. Her honesty just flies off the pages and I’m going to recommend this book to every male coach I know and really every male and female athlete and parent I know.
Read the book. Advocate for women and girls. As a man, it’s just a great reminder to listen to women and let them tell you what we need to do for them, not try to solve the problem from a male perspective.
Thank you Mrs. Fleshman, this was educational. Also, listened to her interview interview on Matt Dixon’s Purple Patch podcast and it inspired me to buy her book.
December 16, 2022
I loved learning about Lauren’s history and her passion for girls and women in sport. I learned a lot and she did a great job with the story.
February 8, 2023
it was fine, i guess? obnoxiously preachy at times. the message is so important and i wish it could have been better conveyed.
July 10, 2023
I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY THAT I think this is a very important message to be spread and lauren fleshman’s work in the field of athletics has given her an extensive background of knowledge and applying it to a story that can be easily received by runners and other athletes was very generous and necessary!!!!! however, I was disappointed 😒 from the perspective of someone who likes to read for the writing as much as the story
the second half definitely redeemed the book quite a bit but I just felt like it wasn’t very developed from a literary perspective .. her voice was much stronger in the last like 80ish pages but the beginning was a battle between being humble and showing off, and it just ended up messy and frustrating and like . awkward. it was hard to find sympathy for most of her struggles, like when she called finishing 5th at XC NCAAs disappointing 💀💀 she would start to get into a story/memory and then interrupt herself with scientific facts, stunting her connection with the reader
also, I doubt this was intentional because it seems a little advanced for a book with little other thematic consideration but there was a complete and total change in the way she talked about competition randomly halfway through the book. well, I guess it wasn’t totally random— when she was a younger athlete, she viewed her competitors as enemies and would speak about them pretty poorly, judging them for their weight and whatever (which like.. keep it to yourself? even if it’s a lie? it just poisoned my first introduction to her as a runner and author.)
but then, like literally just immediately on one page halfway thru she started praising them and talking about them as her friends …… am I claiming moral superiority because I don’t want to face the fact that I do this too? ok maybe a little bit. but it was wildly uncomfortable to read the things that I would never say out loud. I just feel like she emphasizes so many times that it’s important that girls have good role models in athletics but projecting congenial sportsmanship habits is such a large part of that and I think her commentary really fell short in that area
anyway yea I just felt like this book could have been so much more special than it was. her acknowledgements were some of the most well written parts between the two covers. like she’s clearly a smart person (she went to stanford after all) so I wonder if it was a shitty editor that suppressed her creativity? I just wish she either went fully into the races— talked about all of them (or just the ones that are relevant/memorable) like she did the US championship 5k— or chose to focus on her professional life and spoke of it with more passion. the message that she is trying to send is stronger when she becomes involved in nike’s marketing, we didn’t need to hear about her accolades as a high schooler. could’ve been confined to a few paragraphs to make room for her most recent achievements, yknow ? I really appreciated her honesty in describing the mental battle of running, how she showed that even those at the very top struggle with the same things that junior varsity runners in high school do, I wish that was expanded on more. would have been a nice balance to the constant drone of her perfection that was the first half of her career— lots of races were chalked up to “I just went out and ran, and I won. because I always do”
it’s a good message, I wish it was said differently.
PS - I know I’m kind of focusing on the wrong things here (like the book is about the mistreatment/misunderstanding of women’s bodies in sports and it covers that topic very well from a scientific and colloquial standpoint) but I just feel like its flaws undermined much of my perception of the story itself. tldr she did what she came to accomplish, and I’m just a picky reader
the second half definitely redeemed the book quite a bit but I just felt like it wasn’t very developed from a literary perspective .. her voice was much stronger in the last like 80ish pages but the beginning was a battle between being humble and showing off, and it just ended up messy and frustrating and like . awkward. it was hard to find sympathy for most of her struggles, like when she called finishing 5th at XC NCAAs disappointing 💀💀 she would start to get into a story/memory and then interrupt herself with scientific facts, stunting her connection with the reader
also, I doubt this was intentional because it seems a little advanced for a book with little other thematic consideration but there was a complete and total change in the way she talked about competition randomly halfway through the book. well, I guess it wasn’t totally random— when she was a younger athlete, she viewed her competitors as enemies and would speak about them pretty poorly, judging them for their weight and whatever (which like.. keep it to yourself? even if it’s a lie? it just poisoned my first introduction to her as a runner and author.)
but then, like literally just immediately on one page halfway thru she started praising them and talking about them as her friends …… am I claiming moral superiority because I don’t want to face the fact that I do this too? ok maybe a little bit. but it was wildly uncomfortable to read the things that I would never say out loud. I just feel like she emphasizes so many times that it’s important that girls have good role models in athletics but projecting congenial sportsmanship habits is such a large part of that and I think her commentary really fell short in that area
anyway yea I just felt like this book could have been so much more special than it was. her acknowledgements were some of the most well written parts between the two covers. like she’s clearly a smart person (she went to stanford after all) so I wonder if it was a shitty editor that suppressed her creativity? I just wish she either went fully into the races— talked about all of them (or just the ones that are relevant/memorable) like she did the US championship 5k— or chose to focus on her professional life and spoke of it with more passion. the message that she is trying to send is stronger when she becomes involved in nike’s marketing, we didn’t need to hear about her accolades as a high schooler. could’ve been confined to a few paragraphs to make room for her most recent achievements, yknow ? I really appreciated her honesty in describing the mental battle of running, how she showed that even those at the very top struggle with the same things that junior varsity runners in high school do, I wish that was expanded on more. would have been a nice balance to the constant drone of her perfection that was the first half of her career— lots of races were chalked up to “I just went out and ran, and I won. because I always do”
it’s a good message, I wish it was said differently.
PS - I know I’m kind of focusing on the wrong things here (like the book is about the mistreatment/misunderstanding of women’s bodies in sports and it covers that topic very well from a scientific and colloquial standpoint) but I just feel like its flaws undermined much of my perception of the story itself. tldr she did what she came to accomplish, and I’m just a picky reader
November 4, 2023
I am by all means not an athlete, but I do run every day, so it’s nice to hear from people who love it as well. Lauren Fleshman is now a running coach for women and the book deals with the bodies of afab people, puberty, and professional female runners. It’s all very dire, from the lack of money and attention to the fact that the extra fat (and boobs) have in running prospects. There’s a lot of talk about calories and eating disorders too.
Fleshman also talks about her achievements with Nike and having real runners and real bodies in their campaigns, Nike and running shoes for women, and getting back from injuries. Honestly, I still get PTSD when I read about runners getting ankle injuries and breaking bones. I remember how distressing it was for me and just crying at night thinking I wouldn’t be able to run again, and it was heartbreaking to see Fleshman go through a similar event. However, I guess it’s worse for her because this is her job rather than just running for mental health.
Anyways, five stars. I’m happy this wasn’t about how to run but it was about the runner and highlighting what professional runners go through.
Fleshman also talks about her achievements with Nike and having real runners and real bodies in their campaigns, Nike and running shoes for women, and getting back from injuries. Honestly, I still get PTSD when I read about runners getting ankle injuries and breaking bones. I remember how distressing it was for me and just crying at night thinking I wouldn’t be able to run again, and it was heartbreaking to see Fleshman go through a similar event. However, I guess it’s worse for her because this is her job rather than just running for mental health.
Anyways, five stars. I’m happy this wasn’t about how to run but it was about the runner and highlighting what professional runners go through.
March 19, 2023
I was looking so forward to this book, especially given all the top reviews, but it felt overall disjointed and I don't feel like I learned anything new. I like Lauren, and I think she has done a lot of good for women's running, but this book just did not carry as well as I think it could have had she gone deeper past the superficial.
March 1, 2023
Realistic, descriptive title: “Living With the Disappointment That I Am Not the Son My Father Wanted” rather than “A Woman Running in a Man’s World”
TLDR: Disordered eating and making choices because of other people does not get you what you want. This is a how-to manual for an eating disorder. Hyper-focused and extremely triggering. CW!!!!
I don’t know what I thought this book would be about but I did not expect it to be a diet log and description of disordered eating at every turn. Honestly, most of it makes—important distinction—racing sound terrible. And running is mentioned far less than the topic of eating.
I totally prefer and RECOMMEND Shalane Flanagan’s approach of sustainability and success and a healthy, well-rounded big-picture lifestyle. Instead of this slog, she is associated with a cookbook. She models the best way to succeed at your goals is by loving what you are doing and making it fun and sustainable and having a healthy body full of food and fuel!!!!!!
—
Less inspirational and more cautionary tale. Lauren does not seem to be happy. In running or not. It never seems to be about the pleasure of it or the health of it (def not this one) but always a desperate DESPERATE attempt to prove she has value to the men in her life. ? I think that is asking quite a lot from sport and looking for something that cannot be found in the external world at all. If only her father had a son. If only Lauren was not a girl. This is what comes through over and over. She does not seem like an empowering role model encouraging girls and women into the sport.
Her breakthroughs are obvious:
“The more my life expanded off the track, the more satisfied I was on it.”
Shocking. Moderation in all things. Live. Don’t just live (or more accurately—kill yourself) for running.
“We need eating disorders to be treated like self-harm.” Again, duh. It is.
She is not working with her body, instead fighting it most of the time. This is obviously unhealthy and illogical. While racing she has a short-term focus to the point of lifelong consequence. Deterioration of healthy mind and body. Her life is reduced to obsessing over calories.
Don’t fight your body. Work with its strengths. Don’t expect peak periods to occur at the same time in a man’s body as they do with a woman’s body.
Get these athletes a nutritionist!!!!
I can’t believe there was only looking at things from the outside as far as appearance and weight instead of food is fuel then. This was inadequate and dangerous coaching. Can it have been a common experience? It is so ignorant.
She has an abusive, sexist, crass father and subordinate mother. She does not have much of a relationship with her, undermining her own feminist agenda. Every instance is about making her dad proud. Wouldn’t her mom actually be more proud and understanding? Having lived as a female? Instead she is codependent on her dad. She says “if he could see my victories as extensions of himself, maybe he’d see he didn’t need to beat himself up.” She doesn’t mention here that he does physically and verbally beat up all of them too.
Don’t make life decisions based on people who don’t matter as much as you! Make decisions for you!
She meets one guy while looking at where to race in college and decides she’s going to marry him. She decides to go to that college. Surprise.
She sort of likes the coach there OK too though it wasn’t written clearly why and then before she starts that coach takes a job somewhere else. This happens twice. She starts relying on the coach that is still there and then plans to do her higher degree there also to continue working with him and he takes a job elsewhere.
I would have liked her to make decisions more independently. These other people clearly are not factoring her in like she is them. At the time I read this book, Lauren and this guy are divorced.
Lots of talk about her being the best. Or desperate to prove she can be the best. And speaking like a “man” or her dad by saying “balls,” a lot. So much comparing to other woman, their bodies, diets, weight, race times. Ugh. This was gross.
I have to ask myself: Would her (unjustified) ego bother me as much if it were a man talking? Would I be impressed by his confidence instead of annoyed by her unproved/unjustified superior attitude?
I am queasy from her descriptions of all of her injuries. It is obvious to the reader how they occurred even though she doesn’t seem to know.
Her MO is writing emails while angry and again, desperate.
She says she chose races based on financial necessity. Again desperation. And that racing for money is her reason for why she didn’t make the Olympics. This is illogical because racing a marathon—a distance she’d never done—and attempting a pace she’d never done—too soon and separate from her training for the Olympic trials was obviously going to go against her career trajectory. Make it make sense.
Very very few moments of experiencing a flow state with running of doing it for her and her alone. ALwAYs AbOUt hEr dAD. Ugh again.
TLDR: Disordered eating and making choices because of other people does not get you what you want. This is a how-to manual for an eating disorder. Hyper-focused and extremely triggering. CW!!!!
I don’t know what I thought this book would be about but I did not expect it to be a diet log and description of disordered eating at every turn. Honestly, most of it makes—important distinction—racing sound terrible. And running is mentioned far less than the topic of eating.
I totally prefer and RECOMMEND Shalane Flanagan’s approach of sustainability and success and a healthy, well-rounded big-picture lifestyle. Instead of this slog, she is associated with a cookbook. She models the best way to succeed at your goals is by loving what you are doing and making it fun and sustainable and having a healthy body full of food and fuel!!!!!!
—
Less inspirational and more cautionary tale. Lauren does not seem to be happy. In running or not. It never seems to be about the pleasure of it or the health of it (def not this one) but always a desperate DESPERATE attempt to prove she has value to the men in her life. ? I think that is asking quite a lot from sport and looking for something that cannot be found in the external world at all. If only her father had a son. If only Lauren was not a girl. This is what comes through over and over. She does not seem like an empowering role model encouraging girls and women into the sport.
Her breakthroughs are obvious:
“The more my life expanded off the track, the more satisfied I was on it.”
Shocking. Moderation in all things. Live. Don’t just live (or more accurately—kill yourself) for running.
“We need eating disorders to be treated like self-harm.” Again, duh. It is.
She is not working with her body, instead fighting it most of the time. This is obviously unhealthy and illogical. While racing she has a short-term focus to the point of lifelong consequence. Deterioration of healthy mind and body. Her life is reduced to obsessing over calories.
Don’t fight your body. Work with its strengths. Don’t expect peak periods to occur at the same time in a man’s body as they do with a woman’s body.
Get these athletes a nutritionist!!!!
I can’t believe there was only looking at things from the outside as far as appearance and weight instead of food is fuel then. This was inadequate and dangerous coaching. Can it have been a common experience? It is so ignorant.
She has an abusive, sexist, crass father and subordinate mother. She does not have much of a relationship with her, undermining her own feminist agenda. Every instance is about making her dad proud. Wouldn’t her mom actually be more proud and understanding? Having lived as a female? Instead she is codependent on her dad. She says “if he could see my victories as extensions of himself, maybe he’d see he didn’t need to beat himself up.” She doesn’t mention here that he does physically and verbally beat up all of them too.
Don’t make life decisions based on people who don’t matter as much as you! Make decisions for you!
She meets one guy while looking at where to race in college and decides she’s going to marry him. She decides to go to that college. Surprise.
She sort of likes the coach there OK too though it wasn’t written clearly why and then before she starts that coach takes a job somewhere else. This happens twice. She starts relying on the coach that is still there and then plans to do her higher degree there also to continue working with him and he takes a job elsewhere.
I would have liked her to make decisions more independently. These other people clearly are not factoring her in like she is them. At the time I read this book, Lauren and this guy are divorced.
Lots of talk about her being the best. Or desperate to prove she can be the best. And speaking like a “man” or her dad by saying “balls,” a lot. So much comparing to other woman, their bodies, diets, weight, race times. Ugh. This was gross.
I have to ask myself: Would her (unjustified) ego bother me as much if it were a man talking? Would I be impressed by his confidence instead of annoyed by her unproved/unjustified superior attitude?
I am queasy from her descriptions of all of her injuries. It is obvious to the reader how they occurred even though she doesn’t seem to know.
Her MO is writing emails while angry and again, desperate.
She says she chose races based on financial necessity. Again desperation. And that racing for money is her reason for why she didn’t make the Olympics. This is illogical because racing a marathon—a distance she’d never done—and attempting a pace she’d never done—too soon and separate from her training for the Olympic trials was obviously going to go against her career trajectory. Make it make sense.
Very very few moments of experiencing a flow state with running of doing it for her and her alone. ALwAYs AbOUt hEr dAD. Ugh again.
December 26, 2023
I raced through this book (pun 100% intended, sorry) and appreciated it in so many ways; Fleshman writes powerfully and engagingly about the inequities and pressures facing women competing in sporting environments that have been constructed for the male body. I think she does well integrating memory and personal experience with chunks of more factual/scientific information to strengthen the points she is making based on her experiences. Sometimes I wished her acknowledgement of her privileged position, on a few fronts, could have been a little stronger (though she did frequently do this, I guess I just felt there were a couple times where it was slightly missed/underemphasized). I think this book is an important read for coaches and anyone involved in the more systemic side of working with female athletes, but I would be cautious about recommending it to *any* young female athlete directly, particularly folks in middle and high school; sometimes reading about someone else’s experience with pressures surrounding athletic performance and body–even if being presented in a way that is trying to communicate what is wrong with the system that is creating these pressures–can unintentionally invoke or inspire or add to similar pressures that the reader is facing. So, while I would recommend this book, I will be thoughtful about who specifically I recommend it to.
Also, I hate to be like “wow don’t forget the men!!!” in a book about the experience of being a woman running, but I do think some recognition of how these issues around performance pressure, weight and body and food focus, and athletic appearance ideals can have substantial mental and physical health effects for an athlete of any gender identity could have strengthened her point about how so much of the sports/coaching/training culture and system needs to be overhauled. Of course, I definitely think having >95% of the book focusing on women is so important, and maintaining the emphasis on how these issues are far more extreme for women, exacerbated by inequities and physiological differences and a lack of understanding and centering of the female body in sport. It just seems to me like it is both that systems for female athletes need to be designed by and for female athletes and build on the physiology of the female body, and also that the underlying way that athletic performance is approached and discussed needs to be rethought for everyone, and I felt that that second point maybe could have been highlighted a little more. But I am also probably being nitpicky here and not sure how strongly I feel about this, as there are definitely both pros and cons to taking the focus off of 99-100% on women, especially when the book is mostly about Fleshman's personal experiences.
Also, I hate to be like “wow don’t forget the men!!!” in a book about the experience of being a woman running, but I do think some recognition of how these issues around performance pressure, weight and body and food focus, and athletic appearance ideals can have substantial mental and physical health effects for an athlete of any gender identity could have strengthened her point about how so much of the sports/coaching/training culture and system needs to be overhauled. Of course, I definitely think having >95% of the book focusing on women is so important, and maintaining the emphasis on how these issues are far more extreme for women, exacerbated by inequities and physiological differences and a lack of understanding and centering of the female body in sport. It just seems to me like it is both that systems for female athletes need to be designed by and for female athletes and build on the physiology of the female body, and also that the underlying way that athletic performance is approached and discussed needs to be rethought for everyone, and I felt that that second point maybe could have been highlighted a little more. But I am also probably being nitpicky here and not sure how strongly I feel about this, as there are definitely both pros and cons to taking the focus off of 99-100% on women, especially when the book is mostly about Fleshman's personal experiences.
February 17, 2023
This is so good it made me so angry and inspired and hopeful I think every female runner should read it
August 22, 2023
I didn’t know much about Lauren Fleshman prior to this book, but as someone who has enjoyed running *at times*, and enjoys watching other people run fast, I was intrigued. Learned a lot, and was inspired by Lauren’s courage, integrity, and commitment to growth.
February 24, 2023
No one will care about this review bc they will applaud the author for her “radical honesty” but this book triggered my eating disorder offering me how tos more than cautionary tales as the author intended. There’s so many creative ways to talk about the razor-thin line between sport and nutrition without replicating disordered eating. This book ain’t it. So much talk about body size, restriction, eating disorder behaviors that it is hard for me to care about the authors overly privileged life and resulting accomplishments. Waste of time and money.
January 8, 2024
Audiobook. 3.5 stars.
Didn’t connect with this one as much as I thought I would. Still an interesting read and I particularly enjoyed learning about the contracts and negotiation with Nike and other sponsors.
Didn’t connect with this one as much as I thought I would. Still an interesting read and I particularly enjoyed learning about the contracts and negotiation with Nike and other sponsors.
March 31, 2023
I cannot recommend this book enough! A must read for all female athletes, not just runners.
August 16, 2023
i can’t believe i’m so annoying that i read books about running now ….. but i loved the memoir parts of this and the insights about women’s sports as a whole!
September 9, 2024
I have been running cross country for the past three years and am now team captain, as a senior. Year after year, I’ve seen my male teammates continue to get faster and faster with seemingly no effort (because testosterone = speed), while my female friends tend to fluctuate, stagnate, or at worst, get slower. Just for a comparison: our boys varsity team is mostly seniors and juniors, with a couple sophomores, while our girls varsity team is entirely freshmen and sophomores, with all the seniors (including me), running JV. Our coach praises the younger girls for “working harder than everyone else,” while us older girls have been showing up for multiple years, with inconsistent results. This is a well documented phenomenon, but it sucks. So far this season, I have been running about three minutes slower than my personal record, for inexplicable reasons. Even then, I’m lucky, because some girls I used to train with have gotten injured, only to come back six or seven minutes slower. It’s common for individual girls, even the fast ones, to have “off days” and run slower than they should, while this is rare for the boys—I can’t help but wonder if it has to do with our menstrual cycles. Girls’ times are naturally slower than boys’, even with the best training, and this leads to an environment where “slow girls” are isolated and singled out because they are very obviously in the back, meanwhile “slow boys” can blend in with the varsity girls, escaping notice. Even in my best seasons, my progress has been far from linear; it is common for my times to fluctuate within minutes each week, while guys tend to fluctuate only within seconds. The one saving grace is that I believe my team to have a very healthy relationship with food: as far as I know, no one has an eating disorder, and we all enthusiastically chow down on pizza and brownies at weekly team dinners. But the point stands—running is not easy for girls. We face hormones that boys do not have to face. Our progress is erratic and frustrating and it’s entirely out of our control. I loved that this book brought that to the light. This book isn’t just about running, either. It’s about female athletes in all disciplines, and the societal pressures they confront. How they have to walk the line between strength and feminity. How girls’ uniforms are always shorter, tighter, and more revealing. How pregnancy and periods are never discussed. How the ideal female athlete is also white, thin, and conventionally beautiful. It was eye-opening and heartbreaking.
However, my one complaint it that it’s a bit hard to empathize with the author’s struggles when she’s a world-class athlete running world-class times who plateaud for just a couple of months and then went back to normal and still ran world-class times. It felt like everything she said, she would follow it with “well, I’m lucky it didn’t happen to me.” I’m getting 50th place in high school JV meets, she’s getting 20th place in international professional races…is it really the same? So at some points it kind of came off as a bit callous and I couldn’t relate to her. But otherwise this was super engaging and resonated a lot more than I expected.
”[The men] were focused on battling the competition. We spent so much of our competitive energy battling ourselves.”
“It takes guts to put yourself out there when your body doesn't match the ideal, and to keep doing your best when your best isn't what you hoped for, or what others expected.”
>>> 3.5 stars
However, my one complaint it that it’s a bit hard to empathize with the author’s struggles when she’s a world-class athlete running world-class times who plateaud for just a couple of months and then went back to normal and still ran world-class times. It felt like everything she said, she would follow it with “well, I’m lucky it didn’t happen to me.” I’m getting 50th place in high school JV meets, she’s getting 20th place in international professional races…is it really the same? So at some points it kind of came off as a bit callous and I couldn’t relate to her. But otherwise this was super engaging and resonated a lot more than I expected.
”[The men] were focused on battling the competition. We spent so much of our competitive energy battling ourselves.”
“It takes guts to put yourself out there when your body doesn't match the ideal, and to keep doing your best when your best isn't what you hoped for, or what others expected.”
>>> 3.5 stars
March 7, 2024
the female athlete experience is almost universal- i’ve never won a race in my life or been close to the level she runs at but I could resonate with so much of lauren’s story. i’ve had (male) coaches criticize my teammates bodies in front of me, been forced to wear uniforms my entire team felt uncomfortable in for “aerodynamic” reasons while the men’s team got to wear flowy tops and shorts, had to quit after being a team captain for two years cause I couldn’t healthily cope with situations our coach refused to address (because all that mattered was the men’s team winning conference again, our meeting lasted only 3 minutes), and seen every single woman i’ve been on a team with struggle with their body image to some degree.
sport at all levels has been designed for men- their peaking ages, their hormones, their body type, etc- it’s not an angry feminist complaint, it’s a fact. running has been so formative and empowering in my life and i have so much passion for women in sports at every level- from the girls who quit once they have to deal with periods and sports bras, to the women whose bodies have been destroyed by competing at top levels with training plans developed for men. i have such a huge heart for coaching and hope to have the opportunity someday.
overall i don’t think i can objectively say if this was a good book or not, i’ve injected so many of my own thoughts and opinions into her stories while reading. i can say it’s a great place to start if you are coaching or raising athletes, if you care about hearing women’s experiences in sport in a balanced yet honest way, or you feel like a washed up college athlete and aren’t sure what you did wrong (honestly this is the first time i’ve ever considered that my plateaus and injuries while running in college weren’t my fault, and that my best years of running might still be ahead of me- maybe im not washed up at the ripe old age of 23?!)
sport at all levels has been designed for men- their peaking ages, their hormones, their body type, etc- it’s not an angry feminist complaint, it’s a fact. running has been so formative and empowering in my life and i have so much passion for women in sports at every level- from the girls who quit once they have to deal with periods and sports bras, to the women whose bodies have been destroyed by competing at top levels with training plans developed for men. i have such a huge heart for coaching and hope to have the opportunity someday.
overall i don’t think i can objectively say if this was a good book or not, i’ve injected so many of my own thoughts and opinions into her stories while reading. i can say it’s a great place to start if you are coaching or raising athletes, if you care about hearing women’s experiences in sport in a balanced yet honest way, or you feel like a washed up college athlete and aren’t sure what you did wrong (honestly this is the first time i’ve ever considered that my plateaus and injuries while running in college weren’t my fault, and that my best years of running might still be ahead of me- maybe im not washed up at the ripe old age of 23?!)
April 5, 2025
If you love running, if you love women, if you love a woman who runs, if you have any young girls in your life, if you're a parent or want to be one some day, you should read this. Even if you think you have nothing to do with sports, we are all influenced by marketing from sports industries and women especially are fed messages about what a female body can and can't do or should or shouldn't do from a very young age. I have been extremely fortunate to have never developed an eating disorder, but I still look at a stomach in the mirror that isn't completely flat and feel like I'm doing something wrong for having it. Somehow, these negative thoughts about the way my body looks have gotten worse since I started running, even though I'm so incredibly proud of what my body has been able to do and how my body feels while and after running. I have found a new role model in Fleshman and it doesn't hurt that she's an incredible writer who backs up her claims not just with personal experience, but with peer reviewed scientific research as well. Oh and also you can tell this woman has been in therapy and has done a lot of the hard internal work that allows her to actually reflect on her past and communicate it to others that acknowledges what she could have done better at the time and how she has matured - always a must for me when it comes to writing a good memoir.
This book was incredibly emotional to read and there are way more parallels between training to be an athlete and training to be a musician than I realized. Both are performers who receive a lot of pressure and advice from coaches and an industry that doesn't always care about your long-term well being, that prioritizes winning above all, and for vocal arts especially, has a lot of damaging messages about not just how a woman should perform, but how she should look.
This book was incredibly emotional to read and there are way more parallels between training to be an athlete and training to be a musician than I realized. Both are performers who receive a lot of pressure and advice from coaches and an industry that doesn't always care about your long-term well being, that prioritizes winning above all, and for vocal arts especially, has a lot of damaging messages about not just how a woman should perform, but how she should look.
February 15, 2023
An intimate and eye opening memoir about the pain and damage that girls and young women are not only expected but *encouraged* to endure for the sake of athletic achievement.
I’d first heard about this book on NPR’s Fresh Air. Terry Gross interviewed the author, Lauren Fleshman, and I was so captivated by the themes in the interview (body image, women’s health, the lack of support for women in athletics, general cultural ignorance about the female body) that I knew I had to read this.
This invites critical conversation on improving the ways that women are treated not only in pro sports but in everyday life as we grapple with social pressure to fit our body types into rigid boxes.
Highly, highly recommend.
I’d first heard about this book on NPR’s Fresh Air. Terry Gross interviewed the author, Lauren Fleshman, and I was so captivated by the themes in the interview (body image, women’s health, the lack of support for women in athletics, general cultural ignorance about the female body) that I knew I had to read this.
This invites critical conversation on improving the ways that women are treated not only in pro sports but in everyday life as we grapple with social pressure to fit our body types into rigid boxes.
Highly, highly recommend.
September 1, 2024
Absolutely loved this book, even when parts were so honest and relatable it was tough to read and feel again. Wish I had a mentor like Lauren when I was a high school/collegiate runner and maybe I can be one in the future🫡❤️
April 23, 2025
Read this for Boston motivation and did not disappoint … women are awesome 💯 and Nike is more evil than I thought :O
June 11, 2025
Very inspiring and a reminder that there is so much more to be done for women’s sports, also a great read if you’re an athlete struggling with your competition or training mindset
July 18, 2023
big big fan of this book. lots of good stats. breezed thru it once Del recommended it earlier this week. we might do a lil book club w Cam 🤭 typing this rn post-run as i drink a protein shake made w water bc i am out of oat milk, which i don’t recommend.
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