Razor Wire Pubic Hair

by Carlton Mellick III

A multi-gendered screwing toy is purchased by a razor dominatrix and brought into her nightmarish lifestyle of derranged sex and mutilation.

Genres: Bizarro Fiction, Horror, Fiction, Adult, Science Fiction, Dystopia, Ebooks

174 pages, Paperback

First published March 15, 2003

About the author

Carlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.

Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock sci-fi/horror and postmodern literary art. His novels explore surreal versions of earth in contemporary society and imagined futures, commonly focusing on social absurdities and satire.

Carlton Mellick III started writing at the age of ten and completed twelve novels by the age of eighteen. Only one of these early novels, "Electric Jesus Corpse", ever made it to print.

He is best known for his first novel Satan Burger and its sequel Punk Land. Satan Burger was translated into Russian and published by Ultra Culture in 2005. It was part of a four book series called Brave New World, which also featured Virtual Light by William Gibson, City Come A Walkin by John Shirley, and Tea from an Empty Cup by Pat Cadigan.

In the late 90's, he formed a collective for offbeat authors which included D. Harlan Wilson, Kevin L. Donihe, Vincent Sakowski, among others, and the publishing company Eraserhead Press. This scene evolved into the Bizarro fiction movement in 2005.

In addition to writing, Mellick is an artist and musician.

Reviews

[Tim · Rating 1 out of 5]

A buddy read with my friend Anne. She is entirely to blame for this. :)

Tim's log 4/17/2022

I can feel the madness starting to take hold. I will try to document this before it is too late.

It all started innocently enough. In 2020 I was on a huge horror kick and saw a book titled "Apeshit." It was billed as a homage/parody of over the top slasher movies and sounded like fun so I gave it a shot. It was a mistake. It may not have had any apes, but the second part of the title was accurate enough.

That was my first experience with Carlton Mellick III. I thought it would be my last, but that was not to be.

A week or so back I lost a bet and had to read/review another book by the author, The Haunted Vagina. It was… shockingly not terrible, but I still can't say it was a book I really liked. It was short though, a one sitting read, so no harm done…

Then my friend Anne, the same one made the bet asked me to do a buddy a read of this book… Why did I accept? I guess I thought it could be fun. I didn't care for the other books, but they're short enough so "why not?" I thought. It's been a while since I did a buddy read, and people thought the last review was fun. What harm is there?

I am full of regrets.

This book is what would happen if David Lynch decided to re-make Mad Max as a surreal post apocalyptic porno. The book follows a humanoid sex toy, who is being used by a dominatrix warrior woman in a wasteland to produce a child. They hide in a fortress-like structure from bands of rapists who travel the wastes… and you know what, I'm not describing it anymore.

Unlike the last book I read by the author where I noted that the title may have been shocking, but it was surprisingly less weird than I expected after the first 20 or so pages, that is not the case here. The book is very much pure shock factor and written in the most goddamn bizarre way, that seems like the author decided that William S. Burroughs's Naked Lunch made too much sense. To say this one is weird is like saying Picasso was rather fond of the color blue for a bit.

This book is… I don't even know what to say. The other two at least were supposed to be funny, this one is just meant be shocking… but after a while I just accepted the insanity and read getting almost bored at how it tried so hard every chapter. I just experience the book like this:



This is Tim logging off. My mind can't take thinking about it any more. The horror… the horror… 1/5 stars

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a buddy read with my dear friend Tim. Here is a link to his lovely review with a very different opinion than mine. Please do let me know if you enjoy his review as much as I do, or if I should try to convince him to read more.

Poor Tim is new to Mellick, having only read a few of his books, and I feel it is my duty to bring this lovely bit of literature to his life. I'm sure he's very pleased with this one. :D

This is Mellick at his most bizarre. Written in his early, less accessible style which comes off like pornographic poetry, it's something like a weird love story/nightmare. Not as funny as much of his later work, more disturbing, but a very interesting read! 4/5 stars.

[Danger · Rating 4 out of 5]

How does one explain this book?
I'd say if Walt Whitman took a bunch of acid and then decided to make a porno movie based off of Eraserhead and Pinocchio, then you would have this novel.
A fun read for the whole family.

[Sassy Sedusa]

wtf did i just read? lol 🧐🤪

[Brad · Rating 3 out of 5]

WARNING: This review contains the language of the book it discusses, including a couple of c-words. Please don't read this if you do not want to see the words spelled out or if sick and demented shit makes you want to throw up.

If H.R. Giger was a genetic meat puppet of David Lynch's, and the two of them shared a lovely dream about flesh altered fuck toys with multiple cocks and cunts, it would be something akin to Carlton Mellick III's bizarro-fest, Razor Wire Pubic Hair.

This is the story of a nameless genetically engineered fuck doll, used and abused by a horror show matron named Celsia with multiple cunts and razor wire pubic hair that cuts off penises if she fucks them too hard. Together they live in a surreal world of sexual torture, where sex toys are males genetically altered to carry all genital material (the better to fuck and be fucked with, it seems), where zombies drop rotting flesh from their faces while bathing in mud puddles, where roving bands of rapists threaten to burst through the walls of a flesh fortress and destroy the twisted metal utopia of Celsia, The Sister and the fuck doll, where God, resplendent with his white beard, comes to fuck the fuck doll, where mini, living, crucified Christs are buried deep in The Sister's multiple vaginas calling out their muffled torture, and the great debate of their lives is whether a fuck doll receptacle for birthing a repulsive, bloated baby of decaying cells can have a soul.

The story is full of dripping juices, tangy smells, appalling torture, creative blasphemy, poisonous fluids, and claustrophobic love/hate. It is disgusting, disjointed, filled with strange, pornographic works of art that seem to have no connection to the narrative and it is disdainful of all gender.

But there was no stopping once I'd begun. Like Giger and Lynch, Carlton Mellick III is good at what he does. The Creature/Author can write, make no mistake, and while the Creature/Author's product is about as accessible as a dinner at Titus' table, it is compelling. Worse still, I found it enjoyable. Maybe I shouldn't feel ashamed for finding something marvelous in Razor Wire Pubic Hair, but the indoctrination of my raising has me feeling dirty beyond cleansing for being fascinated by the Creature/Author's poetic use of language and the way my imagination worked Mellick III's world into a real space in my head.

I fear I have been scarred for life by my second foray into the world of Bizarro fiction; I will buy more and continue to sully my soul, shame be damned.

[Maicie · Rating 1 out of 5]

The Menstruating Mall was my introduction to this crazy author and I couldn't wait to read something else from his twisted mind. I immediately ordered not one but two copies of Razor Wire Pubic Hair. I guess I thought the title was so cool it would make a good gift for someone. In reality I think I pushed the wrong button over at Amazon. I also ordered The Baby Jesus Butt Plug: A Fairy Tale for the same reason - crazy author, insanely funny title.

Ugh, I couldn't finish Razor Wire. It was about a multi-gendered sex toy which, really, had a lot of potential. But I didn't "get it." I later read the author wrote this book for himself. I wish I would have known that before I plunked down my hard earned (okay, my husband's hard earned) money. If an author writes a book for himself he shouldn't publish it. Right?

I'm a little nervous about reading Baby Jesus Butt Plug but I'm curious what a butt plug is. I'll let you know.

[Dutchess · Rating 2 out of 5]

"I've never written anything else like Razor Wire Pubic Hair. It is one of the most surreal, experimental, postmodern pieces of pornography I have ever written, and I'll never write anything else like it ever again. I wrote it during my experimental phase. You know, that period that most writers go through in their early twenties where they believe that over-complicating their plots with abstract prose is the quickest route to creating works of literary genius. Yeah, I went through that big time." — taken from the author's note, written 9 years after the original publication of the novel

This is the first of Carlton's books that I'm giving a negative review. Most of this is attributed to the more abstract style found in his earlier works. I don't think every piece of fiction should be straightforward and digestible, but if it's not digestible, I feel as though there should be an actual reason for it—not just abstract for the sake of being abstract, for the sake of being weird and different. Carlton has written quite a few of my favorite books, but this isn't one of them. There were, however, still some enjoyable lines, such as this one:

"I am in pain at nights because of my sacrifice to this child and it does not thank me ever. It doesn't even have the decency to stop being so deformed and ugly, nor does it ever stop complaining about its repulsive looks."

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just another weird ass book by Mellick that questions exactly what the hell you are reading!

This author never disappoints, we follow a sex toy "thing" and its journey by its new master that loves razor wire.

I can't put this one into words, haha, but I still enjoyed it!

3/5

[Ms. Nikki · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is what I call a weed-read. You'd have to be totally doped up to find the crap (yeah there was some of that) that was written amusing or entertaining IMHO. I really wish the author would have took the time to flesh out the story, (anything I say can be taking literally and figuratively)thicken up the plot, and delve more into to how sex machines came about. I've never liked to read about a whole bunch of vagina's and two pee-wees on the same body of flesh(the dildo-thingy knows it's not packin')and I'm not going to start now. A Not For Me Read.

[Ayesha (Seokjin's Version) ☾ · Rating 1 out of 5]

the author of this book said that they wrote the book for themselves and i'm slightly concerned.

[Russell Holbrook · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I was 21 I tried to read a William Burroughs book. I couldn't get through it and I don't remember the title. This book was kind of like that only it was awesome and I was so into it that I read the whole thing this afternoon, not that that was some kind of feat or anything, it's a short book.
There are so many beautiful, poetic lines and ideas in this little story. Although the description of the environment in the book is fairly minimal, I found that the language conjured powerful visuals in my mind of a world that is bleak, stark, and cold. There is also a pervasive sense of loneliness that helps contribute to the dense and oppressive atmosphere. The book is not all atmosphere and weird poetry, though. I found it to be genuinely emotionally effecting, at times in a really heavy way. I'm really happy to have discovered this side of Carlton Mellick's writing that I'd never experienced before!

[Noodle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure how to rate this. For once, I'm at a loss for words. Not because the book is very bad, or even very good. Simply because it's the strangest thing I've ever read (even stranger than The Maldoror), and I can't decide what just happened.

I feel like Richard Dreyfus at his mashed potato mountain. "This means something".

What does it mean? I haven't a clue. What is the book about? No idea. And yet, it was entertaining. Go figure.

I'm filing this under 'You'll have to read it and decide for yourself'.

[John Ervin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Girls and Guys!!

If underground literature is your cup of tea or you just want a new experience and not have to worry about some old duplicated story<>then this might be the breath of fresh air you have been waiting for.

[Dustin Reade · Rating 4 out of 5]

In some of his books, Mellick uses a sort of experimental voice-style, which reads sort of like the language used in dreams. THe books written in this style also have the FEELING of dreams, and a similar logic: the landscapes are often living, breathing things, with creatures and plants mixed together in unusual combinations; people perform acts which take on the feeling of Religious Rites on other planets (occasionally, it feels like you have just wandered into the wrong church, and are completely foreign to its customs and traditions), and the people-things are often capable of feeling two conflicting emotions at the same time. Which, I admit, most people are, but it is hard to put this very human trait to paper quite as effectively as does Mellick.
All of it, at first, might seem a bit random. But, as you read on, the book starts to take on a unique shape, where things briefly mentioned on the first page are brought back on the last, and those seemingly useless creature-plants are used rather impressively as tools of foreshadowing. The ending reflects the beginning in subtle ways, especially in this book, and you feel a sense of completion more powerful than most modern books, which tend to leave the reader with the feeling that while the story may have finished, nothing was really resolved. This is my favorite sort of ending, actually, but when done poorly it just makes me feel hollow-stupid, sitting there with a book in my hand as limp and pointless as a withered balloon. The good times wasted.
This book however, satisfied my need for a well-rounded/clever-as-all-hell ending rather nicely, and it reminded me once again that there are some authors out there who will make you feel like an asshole for that comment in college when you said modern authors would never be as great as the Beats.

Jeez, what a pretentious little shit I was.

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the land of cunts, the effeminate two-dicked hermaphroditic fuck toy is... well, still just a fuck toy.

Razor Wire Pubic Hair is a book about sex, the 4chan's /d/ variety in particular, not so much as a product of love or passion or even a way of life, but just as a function of life, on par with eating, breathing, living or dying. Set in an absolutely unnatural post-apocalyptic sexual utopia, the story centers on a manufactured sexslave and the women who take him/her into their Mad Max-ian (Mad Maxine?) Amazonian Manson family. The story is told through short snippets of time, little moments in which the author drapes every inch of the world with machinery and meat and filthy dripping greases and then has his characters go at it in lesbian cannibal orgies. The fun bit is that he does so with surprising discretion and care, even if he spends the book tearing down everything he can find that is held sacred.

Why read such a nihilistic pile? The appeal lies somewhere between the grinning gallows-humor depiction of this bug-infested world (Some of the one-liners thrown out there take shock comedy to a new level) and the surprisingly sensible conclusions the characters come to. It's still a gruesome, filthy downer for the most part, but let's be honest, you probably wouldn't have given this review a looksee if that sort of thing wasn't right up your alley. Give 'er a shot, help out an author who is by default never making the big time, and enjoy a greasy, hairy, smelly orifice of a read.

[Noah McCarthy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is literally so dumb I do not recommend it, but I fucking loved it.
Basically, this book is bizzaro and is basically the wackiest damn shit you will ever read. It's legitimately not even good. I just loved it even though I wish I hadn't read it.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

You just have to read it. It's awesome.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

The only possible way to describe this book is: a sexual nightmare on meth. It is by far the strangest most "out there" - but entirely original and creative - thing I've ever read. I loved it.

[Bab · Rating 3 out of 5]

Absolutely deranged writing, absolutely deranged plot & setting – perhaps the characters make a little more sense... or maybe not. Picture a world where the most recurring words are fuck, cunt, cock, cut, and zombie rapist, then up it tenfold.
Weirdest thing of all is how some sentences, all of a sudden, seem to suggest and display, metaphorically, real life meaning.
An interesting exercise/experiment in batshit derangement.

[Dollisapi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely not for all people. This book makes you re-think many concepts about love, physical relationships and religious misconceptions. It is absolutely disgusting but still interesting in its own way.

[Vicki · Rating 2 out of 5]

Definitely not my favourite one 😅

[Michele Giacomini · Rating 2 out of 5]

Man these books grow boring so quickly

[Vee (Nessie) Carsten · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not my cup of tea….

[Vincenzo Bilof · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite work by Mellick is the fragmented, nightmare-prose of works like this one. A literary misadventure that examines sexuality from several different angles, “Razor-Wire Pubic Hair” is beautiful and haunting. I don’t interpret this work as a manifestation of bizarro-erotica; you’re traversing a sexual nightmare that challenges every taboo there is and manages to infuse the heart and soul of humanity. No matter how “strange” Mellick’s work may seem, there’s always a glimpse of light, a touch of hope, and a cathartic revelation worth waiting for.

Everything and anything is seemingly designed or made for the purposes of sex. There is no moment or thought that doesn’t revolve around sex, including war. The world Mellick has imagined breathes like a biomechanical dog in heat; frantic and chaotic but full of purpose.

This is one of those works that people will refuse to understand because it’s beyond the scope of their grasp, or it will be embraced for its magical ability to reveal and challenge. I could be revealing my cards a bit by saying that I think this is an important book during this period in our country’s history; there isn’t a lot of fiction that is both horrifying and moving that can aptly address the frustrations of millions of people no matter what they seek when it comes to love. Here’s a collision of theme and terror that speaks to something dormant in the majority of people, and Mellick allows the reader to question whether or not that’s a good thing.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's a South Park episode (I loathe to make reference to it) where the kids are force to read "Catcher in the Rye". Promised scandalous content, the boys are disappointed when they find the book rather tame. As such, they try and out-gross themselves. This is kind of what I feel this book was.

This isn't profane or traumatizing in the way that The Painted Bird is. This is more like a talented writer going on a bit on an edge lord safari.

It's at times actually erotic. But largely just sex written in a hellish nightmare landscape. A bit Burroughs, a bit Clive Barker, a bit cyberpunk.

This is like if Sad Jesus (from the Deep Web), Planescape: Tormet and that old classic V/VM banned "War" Playstation commercial fucked while huffing paint.

[Matevž · Rating 1 out of 5]

sometimes there is too much of bizzare...
The general idea at the start is interesting - living sex toys with feeling and so on. But the author begins to pile on too many issues at the same time - zombies, rapists, living houses, souls, god....

Too much to quick if you as me.

[Robert Giesenhagen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly, of all Mellick’s books this one might have the least amount of narrative. That’s not a bad thing. It’s a fast read, maybe two hours if you commit. It’s never boring and always entertaining. That’s all you need sometimes.

[Ninja · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quotes cronenberg to begin with, and that well describes the book. Razor is vividly written in cm3's isolated, surreal, post-apocalyptic environment, scene by scene, act by act.

[Trick Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

What can one say about Carlton Mellick III? The man has a mind like the lovechild of Cronenberg and Lynch with the tongue of James Joyce (especially in his erotic love letters to Nora Barnacle).

Razor Wire Pubic Hair is different from the other works by the author that I have read: it's far more artistic, almost expressionist. The narrator (the Fucktoy or Celsia II, after their owner) is just as involved in the story as later Mellick novels but, in the case of Razor Wire Pubic Hair , is far from reliable. Celsia II is so psychologically skewed by a variety of factors--their basic existence as a genetically engineered, lab-grown fucktoy created for the sole purpose of pleasuring women; the world's embrace of brutally sadistic sexuality; the Sister's semi-adulterous treatment of them when all they want is Celsia's love; Celsia's seeming lack of regard for their well-being; their subsequent inability to reveal to Celsia the Sister's treatment of them for fear of violent punishment; the sheer physical exhaustion of being used by either Celsia or the Sister nearly constantly--that their mental state veers from tenuous to flatly unstable, sometimes between chapters. The effect of this is a far more schizophrenic and Dadaistic narrative characterised by time skips, hovering in and out of consciousness and entire sections that feel like hallucinations. The entire novel reads like a psychosexual fever dream--far more than Mellick's other works. Whereas The Haunted Vagina , for example, has a traditional plot with bizarro imagery, Razor Wire Pubic Hair is much more stream-of-consciousness weirdness.

The interesting thing is that symbolism can be seen everywhere in the novel: Celsia II's treatment by the Sister and subsequent fear of disclosing said treatment could be symbolic of the fear suffered by abuse victims; the "sexual zombies" could be symbolic of people who have become so consumed by lust and desire that they no longer recognise the more intricate, intimate details of sex, leaving them mere shuffling hulks going through the motions, chasing a high they'll never again match; the symbolism inherent in the dichotomy of dominance and submission and the roles of power in a sexual relationship; the entire final chapter.

Then again, it may just be Carlton Mellick III fucking with us.

[Readerstein13 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Here are a list of my notes with no explanation. There may be spoilers, but I will try to edit any that are important to the plot…

-A factory manufactured sex toy is adopted by a warrior dominatrix named Celsia for the purpose of having a baby

-A wasteland infested with rapists suffering from a nymphomaniac disease

-Awful sentences, ex. “”Im too weak for you right now,” I tell her with my fingernails” (10).

-Men went extinct because “Slaves to sex,” but later just says they went away

-Everything is sex: Lamps powered by it, windmill dogs and wind, sex with god

-Hardcore scene of grinding a characters donger into the bottom of a wooden table

-Celsia’s sister is covered in Vaginas

-Everything is a dick or a vagina, including frogs, walls, etc

-Lots of crabs too

-Hoota beast

-Hand bed

-Acid/spider rain

-Womb incubator and ugly baby

-Tuma - warns rapists on the move, whole villages gone

-Cool idea with a city walled off by a giant centipede which doesnt work because characters can walk between its legs

-Love this sentence, “The mop sweeps through the brains, scoops through (redacted)’s wicked thoughts and dirty dreams, talking in whispers to (redacted) spirit lost in the stringy brain tissue…” (50).

-The rapists are women

-STD warfare

-Attic people …portraits and a giant dick

-“Its all men left when they went away”

-Become one…meaty shaft….explosions…rebirth?

-“Someone far away is watching me from outside my dreams, licking his lips at me and masturbating all over himself.”

Im a huge Mellick fan because he can make some incredibly awesome tales, but this one is not one of them. This book has some interesting ideas, and is definitely a strange new world most have not seen anywhere else, but for me it didnt do much. Luckily I had read a few other books of his before I got to this one. Id recommend the curious to try Satan Burger or Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland before this one.