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The Yards Between Us: A Memoir of Life, Love, and Football
A groundbreaking memoir from professional NFL player, writer, and advocate R.K. Russell, who made history by becoming the first out active NFL player to identify as bisexual.
In 2019, R.K. Russell broke the mold when he came out as bisexual in an essay for ESPN that ignited the sports world. Now, in his powerful memoir, THE YARDS BETWEEN US, he shares his story and explores his love of football, men and women, walking the devastating tightrope of keeping his sexuality secret, the tension between his private and public lives, and the importance of crashing through barriers. One part inspirational journey and one part coming of age as an athlete struggling to break a mold, THE YARDS BETWEEN US follows in the footsteps of moving, impactful sports memoirs like Agassi's OPEN, Misty Copeland's LIFE IN MOTION, and Megan Rapinoe's ONE LIFE.
Told through the people and moments that have shaped him, Russell traces the highs and lows of his life in and out of football, from his early life as a shy kid struggling with the expectations on a Black boy and the pull between his quiet nature and his athletic ability, to being drafted by his hometown team the Dallas Cowboys, and then on to seasons with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Buffalo Bills. And as his time in the sport comes into full bloom, Russell realizes that keeping his secret in the NFL is easier than in college when life and football are so much more connected to social worlds.
Through being cut, injured, and frustrating setbacks, Russell's confidence lags as the secret of his sexuality weighs heavier and heavier. And when that frustration is combined with the devastating loss of his best friend and sole confidant, the darkness that follows also brings a deep understanding that perhaps it's time to make a change. In Los Angeles, against the backdrop of the swaying palm trees and warm sands of Malibu, Russell falls in love and it's the final push he needs to stand up for every part of himself—a professional athlete, a writer, a son, a friend, a lover, a bisexual Black man. In THE YARDS BETWEEN US, R.K. Russell shows us the life-changing power of embracing who you are and fighting to make space so others can do the same.
In 2019, R.K. Russell broke the mold when he came out as bisexual in an essay for ESPN that ignited the sports world. Now, in his powerful memoir, THE YARDS BETWEEN US, he shares his story and explores his love of football, men and women, walking the devastating tightrope of keeping his sexuality secret, the tension between his private and public lives, and the importance of crashing through barriers. One part inspirational journey and one part coming of age as an athlete struggling to break a mold, THE YARDS BETWEEN US follows in the footsteps of moving, impactful sports memoirs like Agassi's OPEN, Misty Copeland's LIFE IN MOTION, and Megan Rapinoe's ONE LIFE.
Told through the people and moments that have shaped him, Russell traces the highs and lows of his life in and out of football, from his early life as a shy kid struggling with the expectations on a Black boy and the pull between his quiet nature and his athletic ability, to being drafted by his hometown team the Dallas Cowboys, and then on to seasons with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Buffalo Bills. And as his time in the sport comes into full bloom, Russell realizes that keeping his secret in the NFL is easier than in college when life and football are so much more connected to social worlds.
Through being cut, injured, and frustrating setbacks, Russell's confidence lags as the secret of his sexuality weighs heavier and heavier. And when that frustration is combined with the devastating loss of his best friend and sole confidant, the darkness that follows also brings a deep understanding that perhaps it's time to make a change. In Los Angeles, against the backdrop of the swaying palm trees and warm sands of Malibu, Russell falls in love and it's the final push he needs to stand up for every part of himself—a professional athlete, a writer, a son, a friend, a lover, a bisexual Black man. In THE YARDS BETWEEN US, R.K. Russell shows us the life-changing power of embracing who you are and fighting to make space so others can do the same.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published May 16, 2023
33 people are currently reading
3214 people want to read
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January 23, 2024
I'm not usually one for memoir, but I was very interested in reading the story of the first openly bi football player in the NFL, and I have to admit: it's in large part because there are so. many. gay and bi men in sports romances, and so few IRL (that we know of). I wanted to see how closely Ryan Russell's experience was to the many fictional characters in his place.
And yet my top takeaway wasn't even related to that: it was that Russell probably shouldn't have ever played football in the first place. This is not at all to take away from his skill - it's more that he expresses that he wasn't even that interested in football in most of his young life, but got pushed toward it because of his size, and once he tried it, the sense of brotherhood (from teammates) and fatherhood (from coaches) was the thing that made him go all in. Even from the first, it's clear that young Ryan Russell was a sensitive young boy, incredibly hurt by the early loss of his stepfather and his absent father. I came for the sexuality discussion, and ended up ruminating on the limited pathways to/definitions of success for young Black men.
Nonetheless, Russell's sexuality is a key thread in his story. The college exploration and secret-keeping were the parts you'd expect, and actually yes, map pretty accurately to what romance writers do with their characters. What's refreshing is that Russell writes with clarity how he didn't go through a period of wondering if he was gay (often assumed with a bi identity, especially men) but that he experienced same-sex attraction as an add-on to something he already knew to be true - his attraction to women.
Russell does a great job writing about how keeping his "football life" separate from the rest of his life became increasingly difficult. For one thing, I learned some of the unforgiving and cutthroat practices the NFL uses to select and let go of its players. For anyone to undergo - yikes! But ultimately it's losses in his personal life that turn out to be the biggest challenges for Russell. One of which is a close friend, which is very sensitively written about, and another is one he calls his "first boyfriend," and where I felt we were lacking some details.
I guess some celebs use ghostwriters, but this feels like it was written by Russell himself. Especially since towards the end he talks about wanting to become a writer, and initially writes poetry to express himself and his feelings. I would have to say this was a really compelling story of a bisexual man in sports, and in particular a Black bisexual man. Russell navigates the various aspects of his identity for readers in a way that feels natural and real.
And yet my top takeaway wasn't even related to that: it was that Russell probably shouldn't have ever played football in the first place. This is not at all to take away from his skill - it's more that he expresses that he wasn't even that interested in football in most of his young life, but got pushed toward it because of his size, and once he tried it, the sense of brotherhood (from teammates) and fatherhood (from coaches) was the thing that made him go all in. Even from the first, it's clear that young Ryan Russell was a sensitive young boy, incredibly hurt by the early loss of his stepfather and his absent father. I came for the sexuality discussion, and ended up ruminating on the limited pathways to/definitions of success for young Black men.
Nonetheless, Russell's sexuality is a key thread in his story. The college exploration and secret-keeping were the parts you'd expect, and actually yes, map pretty accurately to what romance writers do with their characters. What's refreshing is that Russell writes with clarity how he didn't go through a period of wondering if he was gay (often assumed with a bi identity, especially men) but that he experienced same-sex attraction as an add-on to something he already knew to be true - his attraction to women.
Russell does a great job writing about how keeping his "football life" separate from the rest of his life became increasingly difficult. For one thing, I learned some of the unforgiving and cutthroat practices the NFL uses to select and let go of its players. For anyone to undergo - yikes! But ultimately it's losses in his personal life that turn out to be the biggest challenges for Russell. One of which is a close friend, which is very sensitively written about, and another is one he calls his "first boyfriend," and where I felt we were lacking some details.
I guess some celebs use ghostwriters, but this feels like it was written by Russell himself. Especially since towards the end he talks about wanting to become a writer, and initially writes poetry to express himself and his feelings. I would have to say this was a really compelling story of a bisexual man in sports, and in particular a Black bisexual man. Russell navigates the various aspects of his identity for readers in a way that feels natural and real.
July 9, 2023
R. K. Russell is an excellent writer and storyteller.
I laughed several times while reading this book, but was also moved nearly two tears, felt overwhelming compassion, and just generally ran through so many different emotions.
I should say here that I am not a football fan. I picked this book up because of my interest in the Waze a bisexual athlete would navigate college and professional sports.
I got all that, and more, including an unexpected education in the rules for college athletes.
As I said above, this book is incredibly well written. Russell starts with his childhood and moves, step-by-step, to the present. But the story never feels bogged down with unnecessary details. Every image, every story is there to evoke an emotion or help spin out a thematic thread.
Russell has so much talent as an author, and budding activist. I’m excited to see where his work takes him.
I laughed several times while reading this book, but was also moved nearly two tears, felt overwhelming compassion, and just generally ran through so many different emotions.
I should say here that I am not a football fan. I picked this book up because of my interest in the Waze a bisexual athlete would navigate college and professional sports.
I got all that, and more, including an unexpected education in the rules for college athletes.
As I said above, this book is incredibly well written. Russell starts with his childhood and moves, step-by-step, to the present. But the story never feels bogged down with unnecessary details. Every image, every story is there to evoke an emotion or help spin out a thematic thread.
Russell has so much talent as an author, and budding activist. I’m excited to see where his work takes him.
June 17, 2023
Raw and emotional! He really put his personal feelings out there! Loved it
November 14, 2025
I recommend this to absolutely anyone. Wonderfully written and read. R.K. Russell finds touching words to describe shattering heartbreak and inspiring purpose alike. I found myself gasping to myself in shock multiple times throughout listening to him tell me his life story. I feel like this book should be read (and/or listened to) by everyone. His perspective on identity, racism and queerness is not only highly intelligent and eloquent, but beautifully touching and engaging.
February 2, 2026
A lovely memoir to start the year off. Russell wrote about his struggles with identity creation in such a compelling way and I really hope this book has helped people interface with their own seemingly contradictory identities.
January 16, 2026
This memoir is so beautiful and refreshing---Russell is so honest, reflective, and such an evocative writer. The way he articulates shame, self-doubt, and grief is incredibly powerful and meaningful. But perhaps most powerful is his expression of hope and activism, how love can transform a life and a sense of self.
October 3, 2023
BRB just going to join the RK Russell fan club.
August 16, 2023
I loved the way this book progressed and ended. Writing this book is something he had to do for the survival of his soul. Beautifully done!
January 11, 2024
Considering I’m normally very much not a a) non-fiction, b) memoir and c) audiobook person, I was surprised how much I truly liked this. I got a bit blindsided by how raw and emotional Russell’s story was. Russell bares his soul when he talks about how grappling with his sexuality while a college and then professional football player almost destroys his mental health. He also spends significant time on his childhood, dealing with trauma and loneliness from an early age.
To this day, not being cis straight is the big taboo in male professional sports (and amateur sports to be honest!) and the degree to which this taboo still exists and is enforced is honestly mind blowing to me. You’ve got hundreds if not thousands of college and professional athletes and they’re all magically straight? The maths isn’t mathing, guys. Unfortunately, I think the sports world is still a long way away from normalisation, as Russell’s own story shows.
Unlike some of the other reviewers, I basically came at this from the other side - I’m a football fan and loved his insights into his playing career. I actually would’ve loved more introspection on the entire process through which you go pro; there’s an entire industry that evaluates the sporting prowess of literal children, followed by the craziness of college recruiting and then pro scouting and the weirdness that is the NFL combine and on and on…
While there wasn’t much on the early path to the pros, Russell pulls back the curtain on what it’s like being a “regular” NFL player - not the stars that make several millions and play for years, but the dozens of players that are fringe starters, later round draftees, practice squad players that are, on average, out of the league after three years, which is exactly what happens to Russell.
Even if you aren’t into football, this is a worthwhile read (only a few sections where he goes into the play-by-play of a game, I promise). He’s a good writer and I’d be interested to see if he branches out into fiction - I think he’d be pretty good at it! Also, great audiobook narration, what a beautiful voice.
I don't think I’ll ever be a non-fiction (or audiobook for that matter) person, but my short foray into the genre was a nice change of pace.
To this day, not being cis straight is the big taboo in male professional sports (and amateur sports to be honest!) and the degree to which this taboo still exists and is enforced is honestly mind blowing to me. You’ve got hundreds if not thousands of college and professional athletes and they’re all magically straight? The maths isn’t mathing, guys. Unfortunately, I think the sports world is still a long way away from normalisation, as Russell’s own story shows.
Unlike some of the other reviewers, I basically came at this from the other side - I’m a football fan and loved his insights into his playing career. I actually would’ve loved more introspection on the entire process through which you go pro; there’s an entire industry that evaluates the sporting prowess of literal children, followed by the craziness of college recruiting and then pro scouting and the weirdness that is the NFL combine and on and on…
While there wasn’t much on the early path to the pros, Russell pulls back the curtain on what it’s like being a “regular” NFL player - not the stars that make several millions and play for years, but the dozens of players that are fringe starters, later round draftees, practice squad players that are, on average, out of the league after three years, which is exactly what happens to Russell.
Even if you aren’t into football, this is a worthwhile read (only a few sections where he goes into the play-by-play of a game, I promise). He’s a good writer and I’d be interested to see if he branches out into fiction - I think he’d be pretty good at it! Also, great audiobook narration, what a beautiful voice.
I don't think I’ll ever be a non-fiction (or audiobook for that matter) person, but my short foray into the genre was a nice change of pace.
Read
January 27, 2024The Yards Between Us was a phenomenal memoir that I devoured in two sittings. In 2019, R.K. Russell was the first NFL player to come out as bisexual, and at that time, was the only openly queer player in the NFL (football), MLB (baseball), and NHL (hockey). I listened to the audiobook, which is narrated by the author, and it was powerful listening to R.K. Russell tell his story in his own words. He touches on the toxic masculinity and homophobia rampant in men's professional sports leagues and how it forced him to split himself into Russ the football player separate from Russ the poet, writer, and bisexual man. It was only after he came out in an article for ESPN that he finally allowed himself to unite those two parts of himself and live authentically.
"As I got older, I split my life into divergent paths. Yards, if not lifetimes apart from each other, and from who I truly am. Coming out was the only way to bring this separate wolds together, and to build my own world out of love, instead of grief, fear, or hate."
The world is better for it too; Russell is a talented writer and he takes the reader through his tumultuous childhood, adolescence, and rise as a football star, and frankly discusses his painful experiences dealing with racism, mental health struggles, grief, and shame in a real and raw way.
"As a Black man in Texas, you know that when white men see you, they inevitably react, usually with fear, prejudice, or hate - unless you have on the right color jersey, the right helmet. That's what makes you one of the good guys."
Despite the heaviness he had to carry throughout his life, overall this story ended with joy; the joy from meeting a partner who fully understands and loves you, the joy that comes from going to therapy and rediscovering peace and self-love, and the joy of ultimately becoming a LGBTQ+ advocate and icon. While I would have liked to hear more about what happened immediately during and after he came out in the ESPN article, memoirs are tricky to critique this way because it is a privilege to have someone share their story at all. Overall, I would highly recommend this!
"As I got older, I split my life into divergent paths. Yards, if not lifetimes apart from each other, and from who I truly am. Coming out was the only way to bring this separate wolds together, and to build my own world out of love, instead of grief, fear, or hate."
The world is better for it too; Russell is a talented writer and he takes the reader through his tumultuous childhood, adolescence, and rise as a football star, and frankly discusses his painful experiences dealing with racism, mental health struggles, grief, and shame in a real and raw way.
"As a Black man in Texas, you know that when white men see you, they inevitably react, usually with fear, prejudice, or hate - unless you have on the right color jersey, the right helmet. That's what makes you one of the good guys."
Despite the heaviness he had to carry throughout his life, overall this story ended with joy; the joy from meeting a partner who fully understands and loves you, the joy that comes from going to therapy and rediscovering peace and self-love, and the joy of ultimately becoming a LGBTQ+ advocate and icon. While I would have liked to hear more about what happened immediately during and after he came out in the ESPN article, memoirs are tricky to critique this way because it is a privilege to have someone share their story at all. Overall, I would highly recommend this!
November 3, 2025
I heard about this book when a reel from Russell discussing his coming out came up on my Explore page. Since realizing that I'm bisexual, I'm very interested to learn how other bisexuals came to learn to their truth. And, knowing the homophobia that's rampant in the sports world, I was intrigued by his story as the first openly bisexual NFL player.
I felt for the sensitive boy he was in his childhood and that he wasn't allowed many outlets for those emotions. People saw a big Black boy and stereotyped him accordingly. I found it interesting that his enjoyment of football wasn't out of a love for the sport, but rather the sense of belonging he gained in the camaraderie of his teammates. I always assumed there was a certain inner drive that propelled athletes to continue pursuing their sport; it never crossed my mind that people can fall into a sports career the same way a 'nerd' falls into a STEM career.
I'm happy that Russell can live out in the open now and was able to reconcile with his mother after his coming out; and, that he can rekindle a relationship with his biological father.
I felt for the sensitive boy he was in his childhood and that he wasn't allowed many outlets for those emotions. People saw a big Black boy and stereotyped him accordingly. I found it interesting that his enjoyment of football wasn't out of a love for the sport, but rather the sense of belonging he gained in the camaraderie of his teammates. I always assumed there was a certain inner drive that propelled athletes to continue pursuing their sport; it never crossed my mind that people can fall into a sports career the same way a 'nerd' falls into a STEM career.
I'm happy that Russell can live out in the open now and was able to reconcile with his mother after his coming out; and, that he can rekindle a relationship with his biological father.
September 9, 2024
I know next to nothing about football, so those parts of the story went completely over my head; however, I think stories like Russell’s are so important in breakdown barriers and helping people in his position, in black communities, in masculine sports, or other hyper-masculine spaces, to feel like they’re able to be themselves.
July 27, 2025
Solid autobiography by the first out bisexual NFL player. Stories are arranged in a way that clearly drive towards a purpose. There is a lot of football at times but then it's a football autobiography so what do you expect
September 5, 2023
Although I don’t follow football, I still enjoyed listening to this memoir. As an aspiring memoirist myself, I am regularly looking to read or listen to other pieces of memoir for inspiration. This book has inspired me to keep writing and better my writing style and in the process come to understand myself better. What a gift!
November 2, 2023
What an amazing book…I was not expediting this kind of writing or story telling. He is an amazing author and I am so glad I read this.
February 10, 2025
A touching memoir that shares his personal experiences with multiple mental health issues, familiar in that many are plagued by the same - feelings of inadequacy and abandonment, depression, anxiety, alcoholism, perfectionism. RK Russell shares his experiences with honesty and heart.
January 3, 2026
That was gripping. Such an eloquent exploration of race, poverty and sexuality. Amazing to read.
January 4, 2026
Vulnerable and beautifully written. -1/2 star because it was a lot of football commentary to follow if you don’t understand football
4.5
4.5
November 29, 2023
I’m not crying, you’re crying.
August 3, 2023
This book surprised me. It started a little slow. I was interested in his experience as a black kid growing up in Texas. I wasn’t that interested in the football. I know a book by a former NFL player should have prepared me for a lot of football talk so let’s just call me pleasantly naive. However about 2/3 into the book I found myself getting emotional as he talked about the death of a friend, the difficulty of navigating the Black Lives Matter movement while being a player, coming out as bisexual and his mental health. It brought the book to life and gave him depth.
June 29, 2023
I can not say enough amazing things about this book. Easily my favorite memoir I’ve read. It’s so raw and powerful and totally relatable for various reasons. I could not put it down. I will be suggesting this book to anyone who will listen. Russ should be so proud of his artwork here.
December 25, 2023
As a bisexual man, I read for the bisexuality and not the football. I’m sure there will be readers who are the exact opposite.
But I’m grateful for RK for bringing these two worlds closer together—before he even wrote this book.
But I’m grateful for RK for bringing these two worlds closer together—before he even wrote this book.
June 23, 2024
I love this so much.
First off, I don’t usually read nonfiction or even memoirs. Very rarely, and if I am in the right mindset, I may pick one up.
This book was on display for Pride month at my local library. When I read the book jacket’s inside cover, I was immediately intrigued by the story the author is about to tell. Bisexual and still relatively active in the NFL? Sign me up! I did not hesitate to check it out of the library.
Second of all, I am not much of a pro-sports fan and not even a football fan. I am aware of the sport and have followed Super Bowl every now and then just for the fun of it but that’s about it. It’s hard not to know anything about football when the entire country lives and breathes the sport. What I am aware of is, not just NFL, the men’s pro-sport organization’s culture of toxic masculinity. And it starts at a very early age. Sportsmanship should be just that: a display of one’s ability to use their body to push boundaries in the face of competition. Unfortunately, it is also an accepted demonstration of what masculinity means. Especially football. To play football is equating to being the hyper sexualized man that, for some reason, is the epitome of what a manly man should be. Anything else outside the narrow scope of that definition is unacceptable and severely ostracized.
Therefore, to be able to come out as someone who is expected to uphold that illusion of hyper masculinity TAKES GUTS.
With that said, I’ve never heard of RK Russell. He is not one of the big names in football so it doesn’t show up in mainstream media for me. But after reading this book, I want to follow him in his future journey as a queer pro-athlete. This book isn’t just about RK Russell’s coming out. It’s about love, love of family, love of friendship, romantic love and finally, loving oneself. I definitely had been taken on a journey. It’s disheartening that in the 21st century we are still battling bigotry. Russell’s story isn’t just about the intersectionality of pro-sports and queer community. But also as a Black man, as a bisexual man and interracial relationships. And hats off to him for breaking all the “rules” and still standing (but not without scars).
This book is well written. I wasn’t sure, initially, whether he wrote it himself (as many celebrities choose to do) but in the book he talked a lot about his love for writing since school days so I took it as the words were his from beginning to end. He is a good writer and he has a sense of humor. There were moments that made me chuckle. There were parts that read a bit like a romance novel and it’s sweet. (If he’s ever interested I think he could be a good queer romance writer - just saying.)
We need more real world representation. I have read many fiction that depicts this possibility. But now we are here with a real person talking about his journey. Russell should not be the first openly bisexual NFL athlete. It should be the norm. We should make pro-sports a safe space of queer athletes. They are out there. They just don’t have the courage to be out and it’s not their fault. Still got a long way to go though.
Russell is no longer playing. Maybe it is because he came out, maybe something else. But I’d like to think pro-sports is still not ready to embrace an openly active queer athlete. And I think both fans and professional alike share that sentiment. It doesn’t matter that the queer athlete is still the same person, still have the same skills, still can play just as well. That world is still not ready to accept that. It doesn’t make the money and we still have too many bigotry in the fan base to even allow the entertainment of that idea.
Oh and also, if you aren’t familiar with college sports and pro-sports drafting and hiring, you get some insight in here. It’s quite interesting.
And another also, I always have this stereotypical image of what a pro-athlete is. Devoid of humanity because they are treated as sports machines and human chess pieces (it’s why I don’t usually follow pro-sports, the stats and analysis can get too much). But it’s nice to read about them as people. I should probably pay attention to the smaller-name athletes (the stars already get their attention, they don’t need me :D).
(Btw - spoiler alert? - Russ and Corey are still really cute together.)
First off, I don’t usually read nonfiction or even memoirs. Very rarely, and if I am in the right mindset, I may pick one up.
This book was on display for Pride month at my local library. When I read the book jacket’s inside cover, I was immediately intrigued by the story the author is about to tell. Bisexual and still relatively active in the NFL? Sign me up! I did not hesitate to check it out of the library.
Second of all, I am not much of a pro-sports fan and not even a football fan. I am aware of the sport and have followed Super Bowl every now and then just for the fun of it but that’s about it. It’s hard not to know anything about football when the entire country lives and breathes the sport. What I am aware of is, not just NFL, the men’s pro-sport organization’s culture of toxic masculinity. And it starts at a very early age. Sportsmanship should be just that: a display of one’s ability to use their body to push boundaries in the face of competition. Unfortunately, it is also an accepted demonstration of what masculinity means. Especially football. To play football is equating to being the hyper sexualized man that, for some reason, is the epitome of what a manly man should be. Anything else outside the narrow scope of that definition is unacceptable and severely ostracized.
Therefore, to be able to come out as someone who is expected to uphold that illusion of hyper masculinity TAKES GUTS.
With that said, I’ve never heard of RK Russell. He is not one of the big names in football so it doesn’t show up in mainstream media for me. But after reading this book, I want to follow him in his future journey as a queer pro-athlete. This book isn’t just about RK Russell’s coming out. It’s about love, love of family, love of friendship, romantic love and finally, loving oneself. I definitely had been taken on a journey. It’s disheartening that in the 21st century we are still battling bigotry. Russell’s story isn’t just about the intersectionality of pro-sports and queer community. But also as a Black man, as a bisexual man and interracial relationships. And hats off to him for breaking all the “rules” and still standing (but not without scars).
This book is well written. I wasn’t sure, initially, whether he wrote it himself (as many celebrities choose to do) but in the book he talked a lot about his love for writing since school days so I took it as the words were his from beginning to end. He is a good writer and he has a sense of humor. There were moments that made me chuckle. There were parts that read a bit like a romance novel and it’s sweet. (If he’s ever interested I think he could be a good queer romance writer - just saying.)
We need more real world representation. I have read many fiction that depicts this possibility. But now we are here with a real person talking about his journey. Russell should not be the first openly bisexual NFL athlete. It should be the norm. We should make pro-sports a safe space of queer athletes. They are out there. They just don’t have the courage to be out and it’s not their fault. Still got a long way to go though.
Russell is no longer playing. Maybe it is because he came out, maybe something else. But I’d like to think pro-sports is still not ready to embrace an openly active queer athlete. And I think both fans and professional alike share that sentiment. It doesn’t matter that the queer athlete is still the same person, still have the same skills, still can play just as well. That world is still not ready to accept that. It doesn’t make the money and we still have too many bigotry in the fan base to even allow the entertainment of that idea.
Oh and also, if you aren’t familiar with college sports and pro-sports drafting and hiring, you get some insight in here. It’s quite interesting.
And another also, I always have this stereotypical image of what a pro-athlete is. Devoid of humanity because they are treated as sports machines and human chess pieces (it’s why I don’t usually follow pro-sports, the stats and analysis can get too much). But it’s nice to read about them as people. I should probably pay attention to the smaller-name athletes (the stars already get their attention, they don’t need me :D).
(Btw - spoiler alert? - Russ and Corey are still really cute together.)
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December 12, 2025
TW: racism, racial and homophobic slurs, mental illness, depression, cancer, homophobia, racial profiling, drug and alcohol use, death of a parent, abandonment, toxic relationships, panic attacks, injury/ injury detail, hospitalization, self harm, blood.
A memoir? Who, me? I don’t usually read memoirs or biographies but sometimes one will peek my interest and the story about former pro football player R.K Russell was one that I wanted to try my hand at. I enjoyed leaning about his career but what I liked most was the care and time that was put into describing his life growing up as a young black man raised by a single mother. I thought this book would outline his coming out as bisexual and the complications with his career but it was so much more than that. He covers the mental health and substance issues he had as well as the loss of career opportunities, friends and family in such excruciating detail that that was as interesting as it was heartbreaking. But he also describes the joys of finding places to fit in, and ways to heal and create that was so beautiful.
The world is not always a kind or friendly place and I think his story proves that, but the things he overcame and struggled with were very well detailed throughout his story and I really liked how honest and eye opening it felt to read this. This book was very well written and raw enough to grasp readers who may not even know a single thing about football (its me, I am readers) but it consistently showed him as a person unafraid to display their flaws and mistakes but also as someone who desperately wanted to create a life that they could be proud of and comfortable living. It’s always hard to review a books that are about a real person, but this was a wonderful book and I’m really glad that I picked it up.
There will never be a perfect time. Only time you waste living a lie, and time you cherish living your truth. We don’t know how much time we have on this earth, so cherish it.
A memoir? Who, me? I don’t usually read memoirs or biographies but sometimes one will peek my interest and the story about former pro football player R.K Russell was one that I wanted to try my hand at. I enjoyed leaning about his career but what I liked most was the care and time that was put into describing his life growing up as a young black man raised by a single mother. I thought this book would outline his coming out as bisexual and the complications with his career but it was so much more than that. He covers the mental health and substance issues he had as well as the loss of career opportunities, friends and family in such excruciating detail that that was as interesting as it was heartbreaking. But he also describes the joys of finding places to fit in, and ways to heal and create that was so beautiful.
Football had made me envied, it could temporarily convince me that I belonged. Without it, I was afraid that I was nothing but broken pieces. I didn’t want anyone getting cut on my jagged edges. So I kept my distance.
The world is not always a kind or friendly place and I think his story proves that, but the things he overcame and struggled with were very well detailed throughout his story and I really liked how honest and eye opening it felt to read this. This book was very well written and raw enough to grasp readers who may not even know a single thing about football (its me, I am readers) but it consistently showed him as a person unafraid to display their flaws and mistakes but also as someone who desperately wanted to create a life that they could be proud of and comfortable living. It’s always hard to review a books that are about a real person, but this was a wonderful book and I’m really glad that I picked it up.
January 20, 2026
Audiobook.
Beautifully written with a poetic rhythm juxtaposing the story of a male, black, NFL football player. The ideas this book tackles around Russell’s experiences is incredibly important for the current climate. To understand to be a man can mean that you are allowed to have a gentleness, a soft side to you and that that is welcomed. To be bisexual doesn’t make you any less of a man, and to be experiencing that in the midst of a space like the NFL, I couldn’t even imagine until hearing this book. Russell makes you feel like you’re stood to his side through this entire telling.
I found it difficult at times the jumping back and forth on the timeline between stories. We’ve made it to the NFL and then we’re back in college again. That through the flow off for me at times but overall this was a great listen.
Russell read his own audiobook which I always appreciate and what a job of it he did. His voice is filled with emotions, it’s soothing and strong all in one which in total captures this book for me.
Beautifully written with a poetic rhythm juxtaposing the story of a male, black, NFL football player. The ideas this book tackles around Russell’s experiences is incredibly important for the current climate. To understand to be a man can mean that you are allowed to have a gentleness, a soft side to you and that that is welcomed. To be bisexual doesn’t make you any less of a man, and to be experiencing that in the midst of a space like the NFL, I couldn’t even imagine until hearing this book. Russell makes you feel like you’re stood to his side through this entire telling.
I found it difficult at times the jumping back and forth on the timeline between stories. We’ve made it to the NFL and then we’re back in college again. That through the flow off for me at times but overall this was a great listen.
Russell read his own audiobook which I always appreciate and what a job of it he did. His voice is filled with emotions, it’s soothing and strong all in one which in total captures this book for me.
March 2, 2024
A moving story about Ryan Russell who came out as bisexual as a NFL football player. This book - written by him & not a ghost writer - tells his story of growing up dealing with racism & being poor in Texas. But his single mother provided him with lots of love & support. And yet he still struggled with self confidence issues so he did not feel he could be open about his sexuality. Not to mention being open about his sexuality when playing pro football. He suffered the loss of his good friend & that helped him realize he needed to be honest & live his life truthfully & not hide who he is. You can identify with his story even if you are not a football fan!
I won this copy in a Goodreads giveaway but my review is my own.
I won this copy in a Goodreads giveaway but my review is my own.
June 22, 2024
R. K. Russell is a good writer, and he does a great job as narrator in the audiobook, but I just felt this book has been overhyped. He wasn't an active NFL player when he came out as bisexual and it wasn't his sexuality that ended his career; it was injuries and poor tryouts.
It was good to get some perspective on bisexuality (although, I get the feeling he's more gay than bi) and the football moments were very well-written, but I was never gripped by the story Russell was telling, and it certainly doesn't earn the hype it's gotten.
Bottom line, it's a well-written tale and I think Russell has a gift for words. Hopefully his career as a writer works better for him than the NFL.
It was good to get some perspective on bisexuality (although, I get the feeling he's more gay than bi) and the football moments were very well-written, but I was never gripped by the story Russell was telling, and it certainly doesn't earn the hype it's gotten.
Bottom line, it's a well-written tale and I think Russell has a gift for words. Hopefully his career as a writer works better for him than the NFL.
September 1, 2023
I could not put this one down. I read it in 2 days.
While I absolutely do not need anyone to relate to me or my trauma to appreciate their life story, this was very relatable and heartened me to them.
I, like Russel, have also found my joy in self-acceptance and being visible in my love for others.
This is so heartbreaking at times, but it ends on the divine beauty of life: life is for living and loving.
I also love the football stats and jargon. It's really the very few aspects of my bio family that I miss is being sporty.
Read with care, tho. CW for racism, emotional abuse, self-harm, self depreciation, and family/friend death.
While I absolutely do not need anyone to relate to me or my trauma to appreciate their life story, this was very relatable and heartened me to them.
I, like Russel, have also found my joy in self-acceptance and being visible in my love for others.
This is so heartbreaking at times, but it ends on the divine beauty of life: life is for living and loving.
I also love the football stats and jargon. It's really the very few aspects of my bio family that I miss is being sporty.
Read with care, tho. CW for racism, emotional abuse, self-harm, self depreciation, and family/friend death.
September 4, 2024
I listened to the audiobook. He both writes and reads the story well.
I'm not gay or bisexual. I'm not black. I LOVE football but I had not even heard of him as a player before reading this.
I know a lot of the reviews mentioned "too much football" but I guess that depends on the person. I enjoyed the football parts.
I respect him for his honesty and his commitment to just be himself, despite what might happen afterwards. I do feel like his career was already over though and coming out didn't have much to do with him not playing football again.
I hope that finally being free will bring him happiness and he stops hurting himself and abusing alcohol.
I'm not gay or bisexual. I'm not black. I LOVE football but I had not even heard of him as a player before reading this.
I know a lot of the reviews mentioned "too much football" but I guess that depends on the person. I enjoyed the football parts.
I respect him for his honesty and his commitment to just be himself, despite what might happen afterwards. I do feel like his career was already over though and coming out didn't have much to do with him not playing football again.
I hope that finally being free will bring him happiness and he stops hurting himself and abusing alcohol.
March 7, 2024
Oversells. He wasn't exactly an NFL player when he came out. The first real out NFL player is Carl Nassib.
That said, it's an okay memoir for other reasons - it is difficult to find ones by bisexual men; by men who write about abusive relationships, ACEs, and, of course, about sports.
I don't think his coming out killed his career potential. It was his injuries and tryout performances.
I hope he has better luck in advocacy and as a writer.
Overall, unique perspective, even if a little hyped.
That said, it's an okay memoir for other reasons - it is difficult to find ones by bisexual men; by men who write about abusive relationships, ACEs, and, of course, about sports.
I don't think his coming out killed his career potential. It was his injuries and tryout performances.
I hope he has better luck in advocacy and as a writer.
Overall, unique perspective, even if a little hyped.
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