How to Deal with Toxic People

by Gregory L. Jantz

Packed with real-life stories, biblical suggestions, proven tips, and practical steps, Dr. Gregory Jantz’s handbook will give you courage and tenacity as you take the first steps on the path toward wholeness and wellbeing.With boundaries, problem-solving, and mutual respect, find the tools to turn strained relationships into ones that are enjoyable, supportive and rewarding. In this practical counseling book, you will tell-tale signs of a toxic personThe roots of toxic behaviorHow to evaluate whether you should hang in or move onEffective ways to deal with criticismHow to focus on healthy problem-solvingHow to set and hold boundaries, and reclaim your life!The Deceiver. The Gaslighter. The Guilter. The Control Freak. And the Put-down Artist. They are toxic people, and they create turmoil in nearly every work, home, church, school, and relationships of all kinds. Toxic people keep you off-balance; they poison relationships, they stir up discord, making you feel that you are the dysfunctional one. How to Deal with Toxic People offers practical guidance from one of today’s favorite Christian authors.4 Key Features of This Christian Counseling Book on Dealing with Toxic BehaviorsIn How to Deal with Toxic People, Dr. Gregory Jantz examines the kind of behavior that defines a toxic person, the common origins of toxic traits, the ways in which a toxic person impacts the lives of others, and—most importantly—what you can do to protect yourself from toxic people. Enjoy having these key summaries and easy-to-understand explanationsPractical steps to protect yourself from toxic people, backed by science and by scriptureCharts that show key information at a glanceRelatable stories that show you how to apply biblical truths to your lifeDr. Jantz shows you that it is possible to free yourself from the effects of toxic people in your life. In fact, it’s vital that you do so to protect and promote your own well-being. You can learn to choose healthy, fulfilling, mutually rewarding, and uplifting relationships—and to drastically limit or end those that don’t measure up. You deserve to be treated by others with respect, honor, and dignity at all times. God wants you to be free!Perfect Group and individual useChurch libraryTo hand to a friendBiblical and pastoral counseling

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Faith, Self Help, Christian

96 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 5, 2021

Reviews

[Ian Blaauw · Rating 1 out of 5]

I do not recommend this book. I picked it up on a whim at the airport because it seemed interesting and wanting to see what a healthy Christian perspective looked like. I was disappointed.

This book contains multiple actively harmful (dare I say toxic) messages in it. The book says:
* Being gloomy is a form of toxicity
* Being sad causes other people around you to be sad and you should feel bad for doing that
* One of the ways to repair a toxic relationship is to simply... choose to not be bothered by what the toxic person is saying
* You can help resolve a toxic situation by being the better person and trying to genuinely help the abuser with whatever they need
I would hope that I don't need to explain why these are horrifying and not ok, especially not from a Christian author.

Other not great things are that it talks about setting boundaries (good!) but then says nothing about how to actually hold those boundaries other than "be firm". Which ruins the point of talking about boundaries. It also tries to explain why people are toxic and flounders around the edges of talking about real psychological theory ("Attachment Theory") but clearly not understanding it. This makes me doubt the credentials of the author, as the entire thing doesn't feel academic or rigorous.

There's a bunch of other good things here too to be clear. It is encouraging for those who feel stuck in these relationships and it obviously comes from a genuinely good heart. But the issues are pretty blatant and inexcusable - so nope, try again author.

[Valérie B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the book very helpful and encouraging for me. Towards the end of the book, I surprisingly found “me”. I am a people pleaser. That was the double bonus! Mini story, I worked at a place for 11years. I had to resign because my new boss was a professional gaslighter. After working with him for 2 1/2 years, my health had completely deteriorated. Now, I am doing great.

[John Maurer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting to learn about the different types of toxic people and how it all relates to my own life. That being said, even with the short length of this book, it was extremely repetitive with no real conclusion.

[Angela Blount · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brief and pocket-sized, this is less of a book and more of a booklet--interspersed with black and white images, quotes, and the occasional Bible verse to break up the formatting and (hopefully) hold the attention of even young readers.

Note:My 14-year-old found this in the grocery store and asked if she could have it. (She's never asked for a book before--if that tells you anything about how things are going in middle school.) So I told her yes, of course. I then decided I should read it myself, so I'd know the talking points...

I'd never heard of Dr. Jantz, despite his apparent contributions to Psychology Today. His prose is above-par--informative without being too droning or dry, conversational and accessible enough to engage effectively with readers as young as Middle-Grade, and graciously faith-inclusive without beating readers over the head with it. He defines terms, supplies a wide range of categories, offers brief but poignant examples, touches on possible causations... and finally, gives succinct guidelines for approaching confrontation and defense of one's boundaries.

I appreciated that he extends grace enough to give possible reasons and influences affecting the 'why' of toxic behaviors (stressing the 'why' is not actually as important as the question of 'what now'), and encourages readers to try to separate the behavior from the person. But at the same time, he's stern about addressing physical and psychological abuse, urging readers not to accept or tolerate either.

For a Christian-influenced book, I was expecting some mention of spiritual warfare... but in its brevity, or perhaps simply due to author preference, that aspect is omitted.

[David Dull · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought the chapters describing types of toxic people and why they are that way were interesting. The chapter on dealing with toxic people to me felt like it more told you to look in the mirror and deal. Not a bad read but not a lot of answers either.

[Neil Short · Rating 1 out of 5]

Problems are several.
1) It goes into detail on how to have a quality relationship with a toxic person. It is all baloney. Sometimes, you have to be in an environment with a toxic person (like a work environment) and the advice should be about how to adapt to the environment alongside the toxic person.
2) Like many Christian authors, the Western definition of forgiveness is conflated with the biblical definition.
Western forgiveness: To let go of one's desire for revenge. This is the definition is the one espoused by the book.
Biblical forgiveness: A cancelling of debt in order to mend a damaged relationship. This kind of forgiveness always accompanies repentance, which has its own biblical definition. Repentance and forgiveness together are a two-person effort to restore a damaged relationship.

[N. Niemeier · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book provides a good overview of certain toxic behaviors, but it feels lacking when the question of what to do about them is addressed. What is especially lacking is an answer regarding how to walk away from toxic relationships/people, and to do that in a healthy manner. The majority of the "what next?" deals with repairing the relationship or addressing the toxic person and asserting yourself. It's all good, but it would be nice to know what "walking away" ought to look like.

[D.M. Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent little book categorizing the different types of toxic people, which for me, was step one on the road to recovery. You must identify the problem before you are able to solve it, and although the good doctor does provide plenty of advice on how to do just that, I think it may depend on how deep your relationship is with this toxic person and for how many years the toxicity has endured. If you have a toxic boss or friend, you can absolutely apply the advice. In some cases, you may just apply what you can and be satisfied with the validation you can get from this book, knowing it's not you-- no matter how much the toxic person you deal with wants you to think it is. This book will help you to set boundaries and free yourself from the burden of undeserved guilt and blame.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot is packed into this short book. In reading the types of toxic people, I recognize many that have been in my life. Being a people pleaser they are a magnet. I learned a lot in this book. As the title says, I learned how to deal with toxic people, when, and how to make an exit.

While being a faith based book, scripture is not amplified through it. That is a turn off for me. I like that it is short. Longer ones are never finished.

[Matt Dearman · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book was okay. Very insightful at first then just got repetitive. I got the book on sale so it was about $5. It wasn’t terrible and there was really good material in there. I would recommend the book but I would also tell people that some of the things said are repeated just said in a different way.

[Kitzain · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like that it went down to the difference types of toxic people.
I didn’t really care too much for the examples. I wanted more of a way to cope with toxic people which it gave some ways but it felt lacking. It’s alright if you want a quick read. But not really of you want to get some change out of jt.

[Kirstie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The chapters describing types of toxic people and why they are that way I definitely found interesting. I do feel like the book lacked on ways to deal with the toxic people in your life though. I thought this little book gave you some good and helpful information, but I did find it a little repetitive and wished that it gave you more and better examples on how to deal with toxic people.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

The beginning chapters that gave examples of toxic people were helping and insightful. The subsequent chapters were either preachy or out right harmful. The author basically told anyone dealing with emotional abuse to forgive the person and move on. They also said that people who are people pleasers have low self esteem. The book is useful is if you real the first part and put it down.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This small size book is filled with very good information that not only includes the character traits of a toxic person but helpful information on how someone with a toxic person in their lives can begin to take better care of themselves. One very important point is that we can’t fix them.

[Nadine Harris · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sneaky little book full of sentimental little Christian homilies and Christian bible quotes.. Mushy and offputting.

[Kym McNabney]

Wow, for such a tiny book it is packed with powerful words. I just purchased 10 copies to share with others. A must read for everyone!

[Kris Gibson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was more of an eye-opening experience for myself than it was for what I was looking for in others.

[Lizy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I finished the book about 5 hours ago. At first, I felt like I hadn't learn anything new, but I kept asking myself "what did I learn?" "What can I apply to my life"? And then something finally came to mind which will be very helpful, and then one more thing came to mind from the book. If I got at least 2 good things from it then it was a good enough book and I'm sure it can be a very helpful book for many other people.

[Elaine · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a lot of truth to the information in the book. Not sure it will really help in dealing with Toxic People.

[Rae · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book that’s short and concise as well. I appreciate that, it’s very clear cut and easy to absorb

[Emily Hartung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on managing unhealthy individuals in your life. Very practical and direct.

[Jason Murle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short-n-sweet book on what the title says. Don’t take disrespect or dishonor from anyone!

[Miki · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing new here. Didn't enjoy this one.

[Charlotte Flanagan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I give this book 4 1/2 stars. It had a lot of good information.