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I'm a Terminal Cancer Patient, But I'm Fine.
After being diagnosed with terminal colon cancer, the creator documents her physical and emotional journey through treatment in this powerful memoir manga.
At 38 years old, Hilnama, a manga artist, is diagnosed with colon cancer. Never one to lose hope or give in to despair, she begins cancer treatments despite the deadly diagnosis. But when going through such a grueling process, it can be difficult to keep a positive outlook... When faced with the struggles and trials of life, Hilnama turns to what she knows: writing and creating manga again, drawing herself as a rabbit in a world of humans and hospitals. This poignant and down-to-earth account of diagnosis, treatment, and living with terminal disease will be a reference for positivity and perseverance for years to come.
At 38 years old, Hilnama, a manga artist, is diagnosed with colon cancer. Never one to lose hope or give in to despair, she begins cancer treatments despite the deadly diagnosis. But when going through such a grueling process, it can be difficult to keep a positive outlook... When faced with the struggles and trials of life, Hilnama turns to what she knows: writing and creating manga again, drawing herself as a rabbit in a world of humans and hospitals. This poignant and down-to-earth account of diagnosis, treatment, and living with terminal disease will be a reference for positivity and perseverance for years to come.
160 pages, Paperback
Published November 1, 2022
6 people are currently reading
321 people want to read
About the author
Hilnama
2 books3 followersひるなま Hilnama began her career as an erotic manga artist. At 38-years-old she worked on Mikkigan demo Genki desu 38-sai (I'm a Terminal Cancer Patient, but I'm Fine.) after her colon cancer diagnosis. Hilnama died on December 12, 2022 from colon cancer.
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January 28, 2024
چقد خوب بود پشماااام
داستان این مانگا، بر اساس تجربه ی واقعی نویسنده اس که به سرطان پیشرفته ی کولون مبتلا شده و میاد از مراحل مختلف تشخیص و درمان مثل عکس برداری، عمل و شیمی درمانی میگه
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از این نظر جذابیتش برام زیاد بود که نویسنده ی مانگا ژاپنیه و منم یکی از افراد نزدیک زندگیم توی ژاپن عمل کرده. واسه همین مراحل درمان نویسنده رو با مراحلی که شنیدم بودم تطبیق میدادم. مثلا اینکه چقد سیستم دقیقی دارن و تمام مراحل و روندی که باید طی بشه مشخصه. وضعیت بیمه ی درمان خوبه و فشار هنگفتی به مریض نمیاد. تمام مراحل سریع طی شد و خانومه ۳۰ روز بعد اولین مراجعه اش به دکتر عمل شد.در حالی که توی کانادا یعنی جایی که من زندگی میکنم ممکنه ماه ها تا یک سال
این روند طول بکشه.
.
از طرفی به مفاهیم دیگری هم توی کتاب پرداخته شده بود که اگه بگم اسپویل میشه فقط اینو بگم که اگه زیر ۱۸ سال هستین خوندن این کتاب توصیه نمیشه.
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بارها با این کتاب گریه کردم و اینکه بدون هیچ شناختی، توی کتابخونه ی مرکزیمون پیداش کردم، لذت خوندنش رو برام ۲ چندان کرد.
داستان این مانگا، بر اساس تجربه ی واقعی نویسنده اس که به سرطان پیشرفته ی کولون مبتلا شده و میاد از مراحل مختلف تشخیص و درمان مثل عکس برداری، عمل و شیمی درمانی میگه
.
از این نظر جذابیتش برام زیاد بود که نویسنده ی مانگا ژاپنیه و منم یکی از افراد نزدیک زندگیم توی ژاپن عمل کرده. واسه همین مراحل درمان نویسنده رو با مراحلی که شنیدم بودم تطبیق میدادم. مثلا اینکه چقد سیستم دقیقی دارن و تمام مراحل و روندی که باید طی بشه مشخصه. وضعیت بیمه ی درمان خوبه و فشار هنگفتی به مریض نمیاد. تمام مراحل سریع طی شد و خانومه ۳۰ روز بعد اولین مراجعه اش به دکتر عمل شد.در حالی که توی کانادا یعنی جایی که من زندگی میکنم ممکنه ماه ها تا یک سال
این روند طول بکشه.
.
از طرفی به مفاهیم دیگری هم توی کتاب پرداخته شده بود که اگه بگم اسپویل میشه فقط اینو بگم که اگه زیر ۱۸ سال هستین خوندن این کتاب توصیه نمیشه.
.
بارها با این کتاب گریه کردم و اینکه بدون هیچ شناختی، توی کتابخونه ی مرکزیمون پیداش کردم، لذت خوندنش رو برام ۲ چندان کرد.
December 28, 2022
Hilnama died on December 12, 2022. I can't claim that that fact didn't affect my reading experience, so I'll just say it upfront. This volume covers the period from her diagnosis in 2019 to an update about her treatment in December 2020.
This is Hilnama's account of being diagnosed with and treated for Stage IV colon cancer. She goes to a doctor because she's experiencing very bad period cramps that don't feel quite like her usual very bad period cramps. The first doctor she sees sends her home, saying there are no abnormalities in her tests (it should be noted that this is the only medical professional in the entire book who's depicted as an animal, a frog - everyone else, except for Hilnama, her husband, and her sister-in-law, who are rabbits, generally looks like a good-looking actor straight out of a popular medical drama). She sees another doctor the next day, who's able to feel something that the CT scan missed and who sends her off for further tests.
Like most medical graphic novels, there's a lot of emphasis on the author's experiences with diagnosis and treatment. Hilnama states that she had a couple doctors look over her drafts to make sure the things she wrote were correct. She includes a list of the items she brought with her when she was hospitalized and how useful they were (some or all of this may overlap with what's useful for a long hospital stay in the US, not sure). She also talks about some of the side effects she experienced while undergoing treatment and how she attempted to deal with the worst of them.
One thing she spent a fair amount of time on that I really appreciated was support networks - not just the benefits of having a good one, but also the necessity of making sure that the people you're relying on for support have support as well. Hilnama's primary support was her husband, but he struggled with depression. She knew he'd need support as well if they were going to get through this, so she had him talk to his sister. A part later in the volume covers some of the ways her husband helped her while she was being treated, much of which involved learning to do household activities (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking) that she'd previously done instead. On the one hand, I was kind of appalled (dude, you need to know how to take care of yourself!). On the other hand, I spent a good chunk of this portion of the book thinking about Hilnama's recent death, crying, and hoping her husband is doing okay.
One of the reasons why support networks were so much in Hilnama's thoughts was probably due to the fact that, as a survivor of child abuse, she absolutely did not want her parents involved in any aspect of her treatment. This part was rough reading about (the image of her father holding her by her ankles is haunting and horrifying), and I'm glad that her sister-in-law believed her when she told her.
An aspect I haven't written about yet: Hilnama's profession as an erotic manga author. It actually does get tied in to her account of her diagnosis and treatment, multiple times. For anyone who's worried, there's no explicit imagery. The most risque she gets is a couple highly pixelated panels (a playful way to refer to her work) and the barium enema scene in which a peach played the part of her butt (there are sound effects, fluids, and a censorship bar...but it's technically still a peach). Her first thought upon seeing lidocaine spray they were going to use on her prior to her upper GI endoscopy was...something (she associated it with urethral play).
All in all, this was a good medical graphic novel - it covered a lot in only 159 pages. I'm glad Hilnama was able to finish it, and I hope her husband is taking care of himself and getting help when he needs it.
(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)
This is Hilnama's account of being diagnosed with and treated for Stage IV colon cancer. She goes to a doctor because she's experiencing very bad period cramps that don't feel quite like her usual very bad period cramps. The first doctor she sees sends her home, saying there are no abnormalities in her tests (it should be noted that this is the only medical professional in the entire book who's depicted as an animal, a frog - everyone else, except for Hilnama, her husband, and her sister-in-law, who are rabbits, generally looks like a good-looking actor straight out of a popular medical drama). She sees another doctor the next day, who's able to feel something that the CT scan missed and who sends her off for further tests.
Like most medical graphic novels, there's a lot of emphasis on the author's experiences with diagnosis and treatment. Hilnama states that she had a couple doctors look over her drafts to make sure the things she wrote were correct. She includes a list of the items she brought with her when she was hospitalized and how useful they were (some or all of this may overlap with what's useful for a long hospital stay in the US, not sure). She also talks about some of the side effects she experienced while undergoing treatment and how she attempted to deal with the worst of them.
One thing she spent a fair amount of time on that I really appreciated was support networks - not just the benefits of having a good one, but also the necessity of making sure that the people you're relying on for support have support as well. Hilnama's primary support was her husband, but he struggled with depression. She knew he'd need support as well if they were going to get through this, so she had him talk to his sister. A part later in the volume covers some of the ways her husband helped her while she was being treated, much of which involved learning to do household activities (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking) that she'd previously done instead. On the one hand, I was kind of appalled (dude, you need to know how to take care of yourself!). On the other hand, I spent a good chunk of this portion of the book thinking about Hilnama's recent death, crying, and hoping her husband is doing okay.
One of the reasons why support networks were so much in Hilnama's thoughts was probably due to the fact that, as a survivor of child abuse, she absolutely did not want her parents involved in any aspect of her treatment. This part was rough reading about (the image of her father holding her by her ankles is haunting and horrifying), and I'm glad that her sister-in-law believed her when she told her.
An aspect I haven't written about yet: Hilnama's profession as an erotic manga author. It actually does get tied in to her account of her diagnosis and treatment, multiple times. For anyone who's worried, there's no explicit imagery. The most risque she gets is a couple highly pixelated panels (a playful way to refer to her work) and the barium enema scene in which a peach played the part of her butt (there are sound effects, fluids, and a censorship bar...but it's technically still a peach). Her first thought upon seeing lidocaine spray they were going to use on her prior to her upper GI endoscopy was...something (she associated it with urethral play).
All in all, this was a good medical graphic novel - it covered a lot in only 159 pages. I'm glad Hilnama was able to finish it, and I hope her husband is taking care of himself and getting help when he needs it.
(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)
May 9, 2024
Hilnama writes about her diagnosis with terminal colon cancer with candor, humor, optimism and even a certain amount of enthusiasm. Her attitude is almost bewildering, but she never seems deluded or reckless but rather is willing to face one of the biggest challenges life can give you straight on with ample amounts of gratitude and compassion for those around her.
It happened too late to be noted in this edition of the book, but sadly the author did pass away in December 2022. I wish her peace and thank her for this remarkable gift.
It happened too late to be noted in this edition of the book, but sadly the author did pass away in December 2022. I wish her peace and thank her for this remarkable gift.
November 8, 2022
Such a beautiful cute true story.
May 1, 2023
I'm very sad to learn that Hilnama passed away only a couple of months ago. This manga has definitely evoked many emotions. Its very funny at times. The art is lovely. There is lots of practical information as well that might help one cope with a diagnosis for themselves or for someone they love. Thank you Hilnama for sharing your experience. I hope your husband is doing okay and taking care of himself. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability and story with the world.
November 29, 2022
There’s a lot to respect about a porn artist shamefully self-reflecting on some of the sex scenes they’ve drawn during a colonoscopy. I obviously appreciated the tenderness towards comic-con artist communities as well
February 4, 2024
He llorado mares. Imposible no amar a esta autora. Su simpatía, ternura y estilo de dibujo tan adorable estarán conmigo para siempre❤️
January 19, 2024
saddening story, a hurtful reality for a lot of people... hope the artist is resting in peace
February 3, 2023
Comforting to read someone else’s journey and the obstacles they faced from the day to day of their new life. Loved the update towards the end and all of the good advice shared.
January 21, 2024
I want to thank the author for sharing her experience with cancer. I got sad when I read that she passed away but at least she got to finish this manga and share it to the world.
May 9, 2024
Words can’t describe the journey this book put you on.
Fascinating, adventurous, and informative is the best way to describe the late Hilnama’s work.
R.I.P. and thank you for your wonderful work.
Fascinating, adventurous, and informative is the best way to describe the late Hilnama’s work.
R.I.P. and thank you for your wonderful work.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 17, 2025
It ended on a hopeful note, but the author died less than two years later, and that kind of made me sad 😢 I hope her husband is okay
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 30, 2023
A book about survival and navigating the curveballs of the Japanese health system. Hilnama passed away at the end of 2022 from cancer, I'm glad I got to know her through this book.
July 17, 2024
Thank you for creating this book.
January 29, 2024
Not sure why I kept getting drawn to getting this book, I've known ppl with cancer (2 of my grandparents died at home with us all so im familiar with it, there are others but those were the closest) and a few different forms of cancer. The soft art too just all around a good little slice into someone's personal story of it. I wish them all the good health and its so adorable how they drew their husband as a huge muscled wrestler. In fact how people are drawn shows the impact the person had on the author. I was expecting it to be sad but it has like a bittersweet softness to it and a chipper end. Cancer effects so many I think a glimpse into it can be important. So its not so scary or at least not blindsided if it shows up around you. Its nothing to be ashamed of or a taboo to talk about kinda like death. These things happen, inform yourself. Ah it seems they did pass away. I hope her husband is doing well.
July 8, 2023
Oof, this book is a gift. I so appreciate the story, the intent, how sharing these details of her cancer and her husband’s depression and the fraught family dynamics and the support system and the medical system sheds light on such a hard and too common situation. I wish I had read this earlier and had this accompanying loved ones on parallel journeys.
I’m sad to read that Hilnama passed away in Dec 2022.
I’m sad to read that Hilnama passed away in Dec 2022.
March 23, 2023
This has been on my To Read list since I saw an image of the cover back in December 2022 when the news of Hilnama's passing was shared around in the bookish side of one of my socials media accounts. I thought the title looked interesting and the cover artwork was cute before I realized she had died, so I knew I wanted to make the effort to read her work because engaging with the art and work of someone who has passed away feels like one of the best ways to remember them. (I do not know how that holds up to scrutiny, so do not quote me!)
Even though it is a slim volume, I liked that it had a bit of everything for every type of reader. It gave information for if you are cancer patient and if you are care provider and what to prep and what to expect. It told of how important it was for her to surround herself with those she could rely on--her husband and her sister-in-law--and why she was so scared of her illness possibly making her abusive family contact her during her weakest moments. I like that she would say when she was overwhelmed and scared and how she was scared of making her husband--who she adorably stylized as a buff masked bunny to complement her bunny comic form--scared and succumb to his diagnosed depression. Her concern for her husband and his crybaby tendencies when he was scared for her safety during procedures made me tear up so bad.
The fact that she is an erotic manga artist might turn off people from picking up this at all, but she barely touches on that part of her life and makes censored allusions at most that were humorous in my opinion. I hope that part of her profession works continue to reach the intended audiences.
Anyway, reading this while knowing Hilnama recently passed away--I do not know if it was due to complications to cancer treatment--was one heck of emotional rollercoaster because she seemed ready to go back to living her life. Her pride in completing her treatment and detailing her experience with colon cancer in a responsible and useful way that was vetted by two doctors before publishing is so admirable. It makes me so angry that people can go through all the treatments available and still have only a little more time.
The pacing and the inclusion of the correct medical terminology while interspersed with her own worries, personality, and exaggerated bunny drawings all came together to tell a story that I think demonstrates that everyone has a story to tell. I am still very sad that this bunny artist is no longer here, and I hope her family and friends especially her husband are doing well despite this time of loss.
It is always strange to rate a memoir, but I really wanted to give one to this graphic novel because cancer sucks and anyone who writes about excising that stuff out of their body rocks.
Even though it is a slim volume, I liked that it had a bit of everything for every type of reader. It gave information for if you are cancer patient and if you are care provider and what to prep and what to expect. It told of how important it was for her to surround herself with those she could rely on--her husband and her sister-in-law--and why she was so scared of her illness possibly making her abusive family contact her during her weakest moments. I like that she would say when she was overwhelmed and scared and how she was scared of making her husband--who she adorably stylized as a buff masked bunny to complement her bunny comic form--scared and succumb to his diagnosed depression. Her concern for her husband and his crybaby tendencies when he was scared for her safety during procedures made me tear up so bad.
The fact that she is an erotic manga artist might turn off people from picking up this at all, but she barely touches on that part of her life and makes censored allusions at most that were humorous in my opinion. I hope that part of her profession works continue to reach the intended audiences.
Anyway, reading this while knowing Hilnama recently passed away--I do not know if it was due to complications to cancer treatment--was one heck of emotional rollercoaster because she seemed ready to go back to living her life. Her pride in completing her treatment and detailing her experience with colon cancer in a responsible and useful way that was vetted by two doctors before publishing is so admirable. It makes me so angry that people can go through all the treatments available and still have only a little more time.
The pacing and the inclusion of the correct medical terminology while interspersed with her own worries, personality, and exaggerated bunny drawings all came together to tell a story that I think demonstrates that everyone has a story to tell. I am still very sad that this bunny artist is no longer here, and I hope her family and friends especially her husband are doing well despite this time of loss.
It is always strange to rate a memoir, but I really wanted to give one to this graphic novel because cancer sucks and anyone who writes about excising that stuff out of their body rocks.
March 14, 2024
I know there are plenty of people out there who think that comics (especially manga) are for children/immature adults, with very rare exceptions. Rather than try to argue against that as a whole, I think it's easier to show just how many examples there are that disprove this way of thinking. Hilnama's autobiographical work is one of them.
If I were diagnosed with something as horrible as advanced colon cancer, I'm fairly certain my mind would never turn to "I should turn this into a manga in order to try and help others with what I learned". Yet boiling it down to be simply that is unfair to a comic I've read at least five times now. Hilnama writes with a simple honesty and sense of wry humor about her own situation that I find myself returning to it time and again.
This isn't simply a story of cancer-- though even if it was, I suspect it would still be compelling. Alongside talking about her diagnosis and surgeries, Hilnama shares so much texture about her life: her husband's struggle with depression, her struggle with his struggle, her abusive parents and the complications that brought about, her friends, her love of drawing (erotic) manga and the awkwardness that can bring about,... (This is probably the point to say that if you aren't comfortable with yaoi jokes, then this book might not be your cup of tea. I didn't personally find them off putting, as there aren't many of them and the rest of her story is very compelling). All of that to say, she paints a complete and complex picture of herself while being unafraid to show unflattering sides of herself.
When I first read the book and left an Amazon review, Hilnama was still living. However, in December of 2022 she passed away due to complications from her cancer. I don't know how I would have done it, but I wish I could have told her that her story made an impact on me, half way around the world and speaking an entirely different language. I've read accounts from others who were helped by her story or inspired to take better care of themselves-- and those were the ones in English. It takes a significant amount of popularity for a manga to be translated out of Japanese, so I can only imagine it must have helped people in her home country as well. Many of the specifics she talks about don't apply here in America, but it was interesting on its own to get a peek into the medical care of another country.
Hilnama's story is inspiring, both about remaining positive in the face of terminal disease and about being okay with reaching out for help when you need it. I highly recommend it.
If I were diagnosed with something as horrible as advanced colon cancer, I'm fairly certain my mind would never turn to "I should turn this into a manga in order to try and help others with what I learned". Yet boiling it down to be simply that is unfair to a comic I've read at least five times now. Hilnama writes with a simple honesty and sense of wry humor about her own situation that I find myself returning to it time and again.
This isn't simply a story of cancer-- though even if it was, I suspect it would still be compelling. Alongside talking about her diagnosis and surgeries, Hilnama shares so much texture about her life: her husband's struggle with depression, her struggle with his struggle, her abusive parents and the complications that brought about, her friends, her love of drawing (erotic) manga and the awkwardness that can bring about,... (This is probably the point to say that if you aren't comfortable with yaoi jokes, then this book might not be your cup of tea. I didn't personally find them off putting, as there aren't many of them and the rest of her story is very compelling). All of that to say, she paints a complete and complex picture of herself while being unafraid to show unflattering sides of herself.
When I first read the book and left an Amazon review, Hilnama was still living. However, in December of 2022 she passed away due to complications from her cancer. I don't know how I would have done it, but I wish I could have told her that her story made an impact on me, half way around the world and speaking an entirely different language. I've read accounts from others who were helped by her story or inspired to take better care of themselves-- and those were the ones in English. It takes a significant amount of popularity for a manga to be translated out of Japanese, so I can only imagine it must have helped people in her home country as well. Many of the specifics she talks about don't apply here in America, but it was interesting on its own to get a peek into the medical care of another country.
Hilnama's story is inspiring, both about remaining positive in the face of terminal disease and about being okay with reaching out for help when you need it. I highly recommend it.
August 29, 2023
I imagine this to be a fairly helpful book for cancer patients and their loved ones. Thankfully, I'm neither-- I picked this book up due to the unusual combination of its title and cover illustration.
It feels almost inappropriate to say, but I thought this book was just okay. It's a journal comic, which can be very hit or miss-- I was very enamored with "My Solo Exchange Diary", for example. But this book is very wordy, bordering on stream-of-consciousness, not in a way that feels artistic or soulful but rather like the author kept getting distracted and remembering details she wanted to mention, only to scribble them hastily at the edge of the frame. The work is quite laden with footnotes that I often didn't find necessary.
While I had imagined from the cover that there would be an interesting contrast between the cute, silly animal characters and the story, in reality the book didn't play it up very much. Outside of the author, her husband and SIL, pretty much everyone else was drawn as a regular manga-style human, which I actually felt broke immersion more than if they'd all been depicted as animals.
One aspect I found jarring is how sexualized her art was in places. I understand that she was an erotic manga artist, and that she probably made those decisions humorously to help her cope with her situation, but nonetheless it was uncomfortable for me as a reader to see her 'erotic' depictions of medical processes, bodily fluids etc.
That aside, the author details her experience with cancer pretty in-depth, which was quite educational, and like I mentioned, can offer really meaningful insights for people dealing with it in their lives. Overall, it's a frank and remarkably optimistic diary comic, but it's not something I'd recommend unless you're specifically looking to read the stories of cancer patients.
It feels almost inappropriate to say, but I thought this book was just okay. It's a journal comic, which can be very hit or miss-- I was very enamored with "My Solo Exchange Diary", for example. But this book is very wordy, bordering on stream-of-consciousness, not in a way that feels artistic or soulful but rather like the author kept getting distracted and remembering details she wanted to mention, only to scribble them hastily at the edge of the frame. The work is quite laden with footnotes that I often didn't find necessary.
While I had imagined from the cover that there would be an interesting contrast between the cute, silly animal characters and the story, in reality the book didn't play it up very much. Outside of the author, her husband and SIL, pretty much everyone else was drawn as a regular manga-style human, which I actually felt broke immersion more than if they'd all been depicted as animals.
One aspect I found jarring is how sexualized her art was in places. I understand that she was an erotic manga artist, and that she probably made those decisions humorously to help her cope with her situation, but nonetheless it was uncomfortable for me as a reader to see her 'erotic' depictions of medical processes, bodily fluids etc.
That aside, the author details her experience with cancer pretty in-depth, which was quite educational, and like I mentioned, can offer really meaningful insights for people dealing with it in their lives. Overall, it's a frank and remarkably optimistic diary comic, but it's not something I'd recommend unless you're specifically looking to read the stories of cancer patients.
April 13, 2023
Wow. I... This manga seriously made me feel like a slab of meat pummeled by a meat tenderizer... It just hit so many sore spots for me and ultimately, I feel so close to this author who doesn't even know I exist.
Let me start by saying that about halfway through the manga, I looked up Hilnama, because I really like her art style and I wanted to see if anything else she's written was translated into English. I wasn't successful in finding other series by her, but I did find out she passed away at home on December 16, 2022. And I've only been her fan for a day, and her personal memoir touched me so much that I'm grieving her loss. I hope someone checks on her husband. According to the manga, he really struggles with depression, and I just really hope someone keeps him company while he's grieving her.
Hilnama's story resonated a lot for me. She walked away from an abusive family and found a home in her in-laws. She worried a lot about unwelcome visits from her parents, or even that they would find out when she did not want them to. She worried about her husband, who had to pick up almost all of the housework because she was unable to do any of it anymore with how weak she was.
And then in the afterword, she celebrated officially being in remission as of December 2020. It's not clear why she passed, but she made it two years after remission. I'm not completely sure what year she was diagnosed, but she definitely made it longer than the doctor's original estimate of 30 months!
It just makes me so sad to read this the day after she passed.
Let me start by saying that about halfway through the manga, I looked up Hilnama, because I really like her art style and I wanted to see if anything else she's written was translated into English. I wasn't successful in finding other series by her, but I did find out she passed away at home on December 16, 2022. And I've only been her fan for a day, and her personal memoir touched me so much that I'm grieving her loss. I hope someone checks on her husband. According to the manga, he really struggles with depression, and I just really hope someone keeps him company while he's grieving her.
Hilnama's story resonated a lot for me. She walked away from an abusive family and found a home in her in-laws. She worried a lot about unwelcome visits from her parents, or even that they would find out when she did not want them to. She worried about her husband, who had to pick up almost all of the housework because she was unable to do any of it anymore with how weak she was.
And then in the afterword, she celebrated officially being in remission as of December 2020. It's not clear why she passed, but she made it two years after remission. I'm not completely sure what year she was diagnosed, but she definitely made it longer than the doctor's original estimate of 30 months!
It just makes me so sad to read this the day after she passed.
January 8, 2023
4.5
I picked up this graphic novel because it was different. It wanted to talk about something real, something that most people don't talk about or share despite all of us knowing people who have went through this. I picked this book up because it's such a difficult subject to talk about, but the author lightened the mood with humor, a cute art style, and an optimistic outlook. And finally I picked it up because it was an autobiography, it was a first hand experience of someone learning they have cancer, what treatments and advice they were given, and what it's like living with it.
Can you imagine what it must've been like to have cancer, have your whole world shaken up, realize you have less than 3 years to live, and then in your weakened state take the time to write + draw something like this to help you move forward?
It was honest, and real, and talks about the little things. What brought her joy during this stressful time as well as the bad. Talks about her fears, her marriage, and her relationship with her friends and family.
I'm really happy to have read this book, and want more people to be aware of what 39.5% of men and women will be diagnosed with sometime in their lifetime.
PS: I'm sad to say that the author passed away a week before I started reading her autobiography.
I picked up this graphic novel because it was different. It wanted to talk about something real, something that most people don't talk about or share despite all of us knowing people who have went through this. I picked this book up because it's such a difficult subject to talk about, but the author lightened the mood with humor, a cute art style, and an optimistic outlook. And finally I picked it up because it was an autobiography, it was a first hand experience of someone learning they have cancer, what treatments and advice they were given, and what it's like living with it.
Can you imagine what it must've been like to have cancer, have your whole world shaken up, realize you have less than 3 years to live, and then in your weakened state take the time to write + draw something like this to help you move forward?
It was honest, and real, and talks about the little things. What brought her joy during this stressful time as well as the bad. Talks about her fears, her marriage, and her relationship with her friends and family.
I'm really happy to have read this book, and want more people to be aware of what 39.5% of men and women will be diagnosed with sometime in their lifetime.
PS: I'm sad to say that the author passed away a week before I started reading her autobiography.
April 1, 2023
Well, that's certainly an eye-catching title.
An autobiographical comic, it's what it says on the cover: an erotic manga artist by trade, Hilnama goes to the doctor for stomach pain, and is eventually diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. The story covers over a year of her life, and when it ends (in December 2020), she was at the time stable and doing well. (She unfortunately passed away in December 2022, a fact that makes reading her words all the more sobering.)
She presents herself as being in the middle of a scale I've concocted in my head, with "everything is fine and dandy" over-positivity at one end, and Kabi Nagata's chaos at the other. She's scared, she's worried about others, including her husband, but she is also sometimes able to see humor or interest in what's happening to her--such as things being stuck in her butt for medical reasons, leading to talks about anatomy she's only familiar with (but very familiar with) from her erotic manga.
If nothing else, it's an interesting look at someone who has been given a devastating diagnosis and has to live with that. The art helps provide a buffer to the reader, particularly as Hilnama and her personal companions (husband, family) are depicted as rabbits.
An autobiographical comic, it's what it says on the cover: an erotic manga artist by trade, Hilnama goes to the doctor for stomach pain, and is eventually diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. The story covers over a year of her life, and when it ends (in December 2020), she was at the time stable and doing well. (She unfortunately passed away in December 2022, a fact that makes reading her words all the more sobering.)
She presents herself as being in the middle of a scale I've concocted in my head, with "everything is fine and dandy" over-positivity at one end, and Kabi Nagata's chaos at the other. She's scared, she's worried about others, including her husband, but she is also sometimes able to see humor or interest in what's happening to her--such as things being stuck in her butt for medical reasons, leading to talks about anatomy she's only familiar with (but very familiar with) from her erotic manga.
If nothing else, it's an interesting look at someone who has been given a devastating diagnosis and has to live with that. The art helps provide a buffer to the reader, particularly as Hilnama and her personal companions (husband, family) are depicted as rabbits.
September 14, 2024
Ufff really hurt reading the last page when she’s happy it’s no longer terminal knowing she passed away recently.
Very attached to the little bunny drawing and I’m sure he took away from a lot of the sadness.
The constant praising and gratefulness to medical was so kind despite me feeling like a grump worrying what they could have done differently. Hilnama is so positive in her writing and really manages to think optimistically, I’m sure it was intentional for the book but also felt she had to be too strong for the people in her life. It’s unfair when you’re ill that you still have to confort others.
I’ve also read Kabi Nagata’s latest book just before this and the hospital experience felt so different.
The insurance issues, guarantors and all around politicisation of illness is such an important issue and glad this raised awareness in Japanese society. I can’t help but think of many people’s treatment is delayed because of insurance coverage.
The hospital packing list was so spot on and generally really good advice. To be fair I expected no advice since it’s a comic book but was really pleasely surprised.
I couldn’t stop reading it.
Very attached to the little bunny drawing and I’m sure he took away from a lot of the sadness.
The constant praising and gratefulness to medical was so kind despite me feeling like a grump worrying what they could have done differently. Hilnama is so positive in her writing and really manages to think optimistically, I’m sure it was intentional for the book but also felt she had to be too strong for the people in her life. It’s unfair when you’re ill that you still have to confort others.
I’ve also read Kabi Nagata’s latest book just before this and the hospital experience felt so different.
The insurance issues, guarantors and all around politicisation of illness is such an important issue and glad this raised awareness in Japanese society. I can’t help but think of many people’s treatment is delayed because of insurance coverage.
The hospital packing list was so spot on and generally really good advice. To be fair I expected no advice since it’s a comic book but was really pleasely surprised.
I couldn’t stop reading it.
January 16, 2023
I went to the bookstore to buy Animal Farm of George Orwell. I bought two books that day, after paying I still decided to look into the store and this book got immediately my attention with the title and the fact that was a manga.
This manga was a really nice surprise, it came in a period that I related a lot with the story because of my dad's cancer.
I think honestly this book is a masterpiece. The drawings are cute, the book made me laugh and feel empathy for the author and her husband. It was very personal and touching and human. I am one of the people that believes that every life is a story to tell, but not everyone is brave enough to tell their story. She did it, she was brave to show a very hard part of her life and I don't mean only about her illness. She showed genuinely her life with one form of art that I love, Manga.
P.S. Before reading the manga I googled her and find out that she passed away. The only thing I can say is: Thank you Hilnama for sharing your story with everyone.
This manga was a really nice surprise, it came in a period that I related a lot with the story because of my dad's cancer.
I think honestly this book is a masterpiece. The drawings are cute, the book made me laugh and feel empathy for the author and her husband. It was very personal and touching and human. I am one of the people that believes that every life is a story to tell, but not everyone is brave enough to tell their story. She did it, she was brave to show a very hard part of her life and I don't mean only about her illness. She showed genuinely her life with one form of art that I love, Manga.
P.S. Before reading the manga I googled her and find out that she passed away. The only thing I can say is: Thank you Hilnama for sharing your story with everyone.
December 20, 2022
Ya tenía este manga en mi radar desde hace rato, pero lo leí tras enterarme del fallecimiento de la autora. Descanse en paz.
En este manga autobiográfico la autora ilustra su proceso al enterarse de que tiene cáncer de colon fase IV tras sentir cólicos menstruales mas fuertes de lo usual. Me dio mucho coraje que en su primera cita, después de pagar por los estudios que son caros, el médico solo le dijera que de seguro solo son cosas de su periodo porque es muy usual que se desestimen los diagnósticos por eso. Lo cual se va al tema de cuán misógina es la medicina, pero no me voy a extender en eso.
Me gustó el humor con el que maneja el tema de los estudios al ser ella una mangaka de BL. Todo eso mientras relata lo arduo, cansino y caro que es comenzar tratamiento.
Por otro lado, aquí también habla de su esposo y de su depresión y solo puedo pensar en que ojalá esté llevando su duelo acompañado de su hermana y familiares.
En este manga autobiográfico la autora ilustra su proceso al enterarse de que tiene cáncer de colon fase IV tras sentir cólicos menstruales mas fuertes de lo usual. Me dio mucho coraje que en su primera cita, después de pagar por los estudios que son caros, el médico solo le dijera que de seguro solo son cosas de su periodo porque es muy usual que se desestimen los diagnósticos por eso. Lo cual se va al tema de cuán misógina es la medicina, pero no me voy a extender en eso.
Me gustó el humor con el que maneja el tema de los estudios al ser ella una mangaka de BL. Todo eso mientras relata lo arduo, cansino y caro que es comenzar tratamiento.
Por otro lado, aquí también habla de su esposo y de su depresión y solo puedo pensar en que ojalá esté llevando su duelo acompañado de su hermana y familiares.
December 9, 2022
content warning: child abuse; explicit visual for colonoscopy and internal organ
✔️ Blurb: an Erotic manga artist, who draws sexual intercourse go all the way, had to undergo a surgery that require anal insertion (inadvertently interesting pattern HMmmmHM)
✔️ Rich of information dissecting the preparation, medical options, treatment advice, surgery, and post surgery condition. 101 hospitalization preparation in details is -chef kiss-
The dedication of her recovery struggle and work are seen by how She had expert reviews on scientific terms and medical protocols. I love how this manga talks about moral support, and the manga itself bolster support for others!
Last but no least, I'm glad Hilnama gets back on her feet. Kudos to supportive and caring hilnama's husband and sister-in-law.
✔️ Blurb: an Erotic manga artist, who draws sexual intercourse go all the way, had to undergo a surgery that require anal insertion (inadvertently interesting pattern HMmmmHM)
✔️ Rich of information dissecting the preparation, medical options, treatment advice, surgery, and post surgery condition. 101 hospitalization preparation in details is -chef kiss-
The dedication of her recovery struggle and work are seen by how She had expert reviews on scientific terms and medical protocols. I love how this manga talks about moral support, and the manga itself bolster support for others!
Last but no least, I'm glad Hilnama gets back on her feet. Kudos to supportive and caring hilnama's husband and sister-in-law.
April 24, 2024
5 stars - It's hard to describe this graphic memoir. It's about a manga artist who gets diagnosed with terminal colon cancer and has to undergo surgery and chemotherapy. It's heartfelt, emotional, and also informative, but the art style is cute and the casual way the author portrays some situation can even be funny, but I don't know if I could tag it as such.
Maybe not optimistic, but it was very "let's take things as they come, enjoy life now as there is no certainty on so many things" which I always felt was positive.
I loved reading this a lot and would recommend it if the topic is of interest (though I know no matter how good something is, it can still be upsetting so ymmv).
Maybe not optimistic, but it was very "let's take things as they come, enjoy life now as there is no certainty on so many things" which I always felt was positive.
I loved reading this a lot and would recommend it if the topic is of interest (though I know no matter how good something is, it can still be upsetting so ymmv).
March 29, 2023
I really enjoyed this one despite the fact that the topic may be triggering to some people.
Full disclosure, Hilnama, the author died on December 12, 2022 so from the beginning I knew it was going to be a bittersweet read but it was definitely worth it.
I am familiar with cancer, both from a personal and professional point of view and from both points of view I can say that it was a very valuable read. Hilnama wrote it with the idea of telling other her experience so other people could benefit from reading from it and I think that what we have to take from it. Not only allows her to tell her story, and her closed ones, but her own words and illustrations are given meaning by herself.
I thoroughly enjoyed the art style.
Full disclosure, Hilnama, the author died on December 12, 2022 so from the beginning I knew it was going to be a bittersweet read but it was definitely worth it.
I am familiar with cancer, both from a personal and professional point of view and from both points of view I can say that it was a very valuable read. Hilnama wrote it with the idea of telling other her experience so other people could benefit from reading from it and I think that what we have to take from it. Not only allows her to tell her story, and her closed ones, but her own words and illustrations are given meaning by herself.
I thoroughly enjoyed the art style.
April 8, 2023
Edit: I just learned of Hilnama's passing, and I'm very thankful for her careful documentation and sharing of her experience with her cancer. I hope her husband is taking care of himself. Rest in peace.
This book really helped me understand cancer better - specifically colorectal cancer. I actually purchased this manyyy months ago but wasn't able to read it until recently because my life partner's father got a diagnosis of terminal colorectal cancer. While reading this at the time would have helped me understand better - I couldn't bring myself to do so. Yesterday was the one month mark of my 'father in law's' passing and I'm glad I was finally able to read this. It also helped me understand one of my best friend's experiences with breast cancer, which is in remission.
This book really helped me understand cancer better - specifically colorectal cancer. I actually purchased this manyyy months ago but wasn't able to read it until recently because my life partner's father got a diagnosis of terminal colorectal cancer. While reading this at the time would have helped me understand better - I couldn't bring myself to do so. Yesterday was the one month mark of my 'father in law's' passing and I'm glad I was finally able to read this. It also helped me understand one of my best friend's experiences with breast cancer, which is in remission.
July 22, 2023
m a Terminal Cancer Patient was very good. I liked that it was a memoir. She, the author, talked about her experience having colon cancer and what she went through (her colonoscopy test, having surgery, doing chemotherapy, and after chemo).
It was very inspiring because my uncle had colon cancer and is a survivor of it. He went through the exams and treatments like the author did.
It was interesting to learn about her experience of having Colon cancer and what is was like for her (her changes in diet and routine and having her husband’s family and her friends support). Cause we all need family and friends support, especially those going through cancer or have any other medical issues/problems.
It was very inspiring because my uncle had colon cancer and is a survivor of it. He went through the exams and treatments like the author did.
It was interesting to learn about her experience of having Colon cancer and what is was like for her (her changes in diet and routine and having her husband’s family and her friends support). Cause we all need family and friends support, especially those going through cancer or have any other medical issues/problems.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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