The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce, & Keep the Man You Want

by Karrine Steffans

Since she exploded on the scene with her two juicy and impossible-to-put-down tell-alls, readers have wanted to know even more about what makes Karrine Steffans tick. How was she able to meet all the high profile politicians, movie stars, and other celebrities that are her close acquaintances? What skills does she possess to keep men wanting more? Finally, Karrine lays it all out and explains exactly what a woman must do to win over the man of her dreams. With chapters like "Never Let Him See You Sweat," "Flirting," "Encouraging His Manhood," and "Give Him What He Wants," this hot and sexy manual is a must-have for every woman's bookshelf.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships

272 pages, Hardcover

First published July 1, 2009

Reviews

[AH · Rating 2 out of 5]

What an interesting book to win in a Goodreads giveaway. Full disclaimer – I have already found my man and I am very happy with him, but I was curious if there was anything else I should be doing.

The Vixen Manual is a How to Guide. It is divided into 5 sections: Being Single, How to Attract Him, How to Engage Him, How to Release Him, and Maybe It’s You. Each chapter is easy to read, with important information highlighted in pink, little boxes with “Vixen Tips,” and a bright pink chapter recap, outlining the most important points. The book has many illustrations and they are not suitable for work/children in the room.

While there are some valid tips in the book that are based on the author’s experience, I had some difficulty with a few things. First of all, what is it with the picture of “porn pussy” on page 18? That alone, made me want to throw the book across the room. I checked the book and there was no medical reference for this condition (which is a relief!).

I was scratching my head when I read the advice for dating and the single mom. OK, I understand that when you are dating, the child should not see the date until there is a ring on your finger. I get that. I don’t get why you would not want your child to know that there is a sitter in the house. What happens if the child wakes up? And make your sitter your friend? You’re lucky if you find a sitter, let alone make her your friend.

There was some funny advice for dealing with rejection that basically involved spending a lot of money to upgrade yourself. Yes, it will make you feel great. Keep in mind that the credit card bills will come in and if you can’t pay the bills, you’ll feel worse.

All my beefs aside, I am sure that some people will be entertained by this manual. I’ll be passing it on to a single girl I know. I hope she enjoys it. As for me, I'm going to keep doing what I am doing. My husband seems very happy. There's something to be said about reading a lot of romance, paranormal romance, and urban fantasy.

[Black Heart Magazine · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow. This book would have received 0 stars, if that were possible. It's cliché and occasionally purely cunty "advice" is not worth reading, and I'm not even sure Steffans herself knows what this book is really supposed to be about. The smutty cover implies it's for women looking to bag a man, whereas Steffans has said it's "for married women." Huh? Why would you need dating tips if you're already married? As I mentioned in my "V for Vixen" column, no woman really needs to be told to look at her labia in a mirror so she can find out whether she suffers from "porn pussy." Get over yourself, Karrine, and stop pretending to offer women advice when what you're really looking to do is humiliate and betray them. Worst Book Ever!

[Farheen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the third book I have read from this author, Karrine Steffans, more popularly known as "Superhead" by the rappers and other celebrities she has slept with. Her first book was pretty disturbing- it told of her horrible childhood and rape, and subsequent abusive marriage and then many, many exploits with famous men. The second book deals with the backlash after the first book was published- both by the public and by the celebrity social scene. Somewhere in the process of reading these two books I really began to like this girl, and saw the underlying purpose of what she was telling everyone- it is not as glamorous as you think. The lifestyle of these women that get to be in video and date rappers, as well as the lifestyle of the rappers and other millionaires as well. She takes you through her realization that her lifestyle was ruining her life.
This is why I decided to read the third book- because it is not how to be like the woman she was, but what she has learned through her mistakes. The book is very empowering and filled with good life advice for women. I finished it within a day- it is an easy quick read and fun as well.

As as I was reading this, my boyfriend kept asking me "why are you reading life advice from this whore" but like I said before- Steffans is now a married woman who is dispensing advice i'm sure she wished she had someone telling her before she made her mistakes in life.

[Gaby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Synopsis:

The Vixen Manual combines self help, how to advice, sex tips, and humor. The book is divided into fifty short chapters and five main parts: (1) Being Single, (2) How to Attract Him, (3) How to Engage Him, (4) How to Release Him, and (5) Maybe It's You. Don't read Karrine's manual for revolutionary concepts, instead compare her advice to what you've heard and learned over the years.

Review:

Some statements from The Vixen Manual reminded me of advice I'd received from my grandmother with a twist. Being Single covers the basic attitude and approach towards dating, love, and men. Karrine describes the concept of the "dance card" of the 18th century and discourages women from being too quick to commit to one man which is an inefficient use of scarce time. Karrine's advice is similar to the "collect and select" suggestion that I'd heard from my grandmother. But Karrine adds her own twist to this: collect men, rank them using a written list, and let them know how they compare. But be careful not to throw casual sex into the mix because women are wired to feel an emotional connection to our sexual partners.

Similarly, in Chapter 10, Preparation Meets Opportunity, Karrine recommends that any single woman looking for love should prepare for her man now - get fit, keep your place neat, and act as though you're in love and you'll attract the man that you want. She does point out that getting ready extends beyond your looks to cover educational, financial and emotional preparation. Though this advice isn't new, it is useful and surely can't hurt. It's easy enough to procrastinate on your fitness regimen or other aspects of our lives and we all can do with the gentle reminder to take good care of all aspects of yourself.

The advice is interspersed with humor. For instance, "Dating Younger Men" has tips like "Check ID when dating someone significantly younger and be sure you're not breaking any laws" and "Never hang out with him and his friends. You are a cougar; see him only in your den." Similarly, the chapter "How to Handle Rejection" listed the things you should not do and watch out for, such as, "you don't want to wind up having your voice mail played over and over to a room full of his buddies as they knock back beers and laugh at what a loon you are...think of every message you leave as a potential sound bite that can work against you."

I should mention that the chapter on Sex has quite explicit instructions and diagrams of various recommended techniques.

While some advice predated the women's lib movement, Karrine Steffans is likely to be laughing all the way to the bank.

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (July 13, 2009), 272 pages.
Courtesy of Hatchette Books Group.

[Renee · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author's writing style is great, but her advice is useless. The cover of the book is of a mostly naked woman, and the advice inside is to ~be classy~. Apparently, to the author, being ~classy~ means playing games with guys to get their attention. She advises that a woman date several guys at once and refer to them by a number rating system that indicates how much she likes them.

Definitely not recommended to anyone.

[Gail · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, got to begin by admitting that as a "Mid-Century" woman, I thought that I knew some tricks and games: Just never had the nerve (or the right words) to write them down. Well, unlike me, Karrine Steffans has no such compunctions. This sister lays it all out in chapter format, verse-by-verse.

Definitely not PG-rated, this book is for the "grown folks." Her prose is not elegant and sophisticated, and she makes no effort or pretense of writing a great book. Karrine Steffans makes her sensual and sexual points and moves on -- but hey, isn't that what a so-called "vixen" does these days? If you're a young girl, and your mama didn't tell you ... Karrine will. If you're a young guy and you don't know that the game has rules ... Karrine is spillin' the tea. If you're caught up in the web of male/female mystery and don't know what love has to do with it ... refer to Karrine. If you're old enough to have forgotten more than you remember ... check out Karrine's notes -- I did tell you that she wrote it down, didn't I?

I am giving this one four stars primarily because this author TRULY understands how to push boundaries.

[Melissa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got this book through the Goodreads First Reads program. I didn't like this book at all. It was filled with antiquated ideas of the woman's place in a man's world. I really didn't see anything other than what could be seen as common sense that was valuable. Everything else just made me feel like it was nothing but a show. If you get a relationship based on a false front, then what type of relationship are you looking for? Sorry, I would not suggest this book to anyone.

[Adrienna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vixen Manual is very informative and valuable information on singleness, relationships, and self-worth as a woman. The most potent and effective chapter for me was Section 2: How to Attract Him, on topics such as goals, principles, power, position, worth until she got to wooing your man. After this section, the chapter becomes graphic with "how to" sexual positions, which reminds me of the "Joy of Sex" books.

Some will ask, how could she write books like Confessions of a Vixen and Vixen Diaries, then become an expert on relationships. As a writer, we are to share our stories, no matter how disturbing it may be, yet it can reach the unreachable and can expand our writing talents to the next level. This may be her reason for writing Vixen Manual, taking relationships to the next level and hopefully she has grown as an individual in her choices of relationships--we learn from the past and move forward to new avenues. Like Jesus said to Mary Magdalene, "Go Sin no more." She changed her adulterous and promiscuous ways, to follow Jesus Christ. Moreover, I hope she is willing to change her path for the better, not just to be an accomplished author as she stresses in this manual in different parts of the book.

Casual sex chapter--I was laughing and surprised some of the key points she stressed in this section, such as anyone can have sex even a homeless couple on the streets. But I enjoyed "Dating Younger Men" chapter since I am more fond of younger men right now. The chapters I taken to heart is chapters on "Goals"; "Principles"; "Power"; "Position"; "Worth" and "Liability". I was amazed some of the valid and vivid stories she expressed in these sections.

Beware after this section....will you take sexual tips, positions, and pointers from a Vixen?

Inspiring to read how she evolved: at sixteen, an exotic dancer; seventeen married and at nineteen became a mother, divorced at twenty, year later a Video Vixen and fulfilled her dream as a writer and NY best-selling author at twenty-five. Wow! Dream your reality NOW.

[Ebony · Rating 3 out of 5]

So Karinne is surprisingly funny. I didn’t get the impression that she had such a sense of humor from the first two books. This one really is a manual with bullet points, pull quotes, illustrations, and recaps. I got to the end and she’s self-congratulating about writing 50 chapters and I thought wow, she made it to 50. It is actually an enjoyable read. I would recommend the book to women struggling with relationships and self-esteem. It’s stock advice—love yourself first—although I admit that at times the be a good woman and not a bad one lines were odd coming from Karinne, but she did preface it with do as I say and not as I have done. I also thought her being married was the greatest marketing ploy EVER. Whether she’s married or not (there’s some debate about this), it makes selling the book genius. She’s learned enough love and life lessons to get married because the man is the prize after all and that’s where things get a bit dicey. I would love to be the superwoman in theory but I tried it in practice and it exhausts me. If you’re the type of woman down for the work, cook, clean, care for the kids, sex your man like he’s never been sexed before, and show no emotions to get your way—she’s got the formula. To each her own, but I have to point out that her version of the sexual revolution is historically inaccurate. She should read Rosen’s World Split Open on how the sexual revolution barely benefited men and didn’t benefit women at all. Anyone reading from my 412 should have an aha moment right now. All in all, it’s a self-help book like all of the rest but there’s a lot of pink and I like pink and I have a filter for folks who don’t understand the word patriarchy or how it works so all in all I didn’t have super high expectations and wasn’t disappointed.

[Maya]

I got this when Steffans came in for a signing. No intention of reading this with a serious face. But the drawings...oh the drawings...

[Valencia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wasn't really impressed with this book. It was boring.

[Ruth Hill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I never dreamed I would be giving this book a 5 star rating, but it deserves every bit of that and more. Keep reading, and I think you will understand why.

I won this book on a giveaway, and when it came, I was rather turned off by the picture. It didn't look like my kind of book. I set it on the shelf and wasn't even sure if I would ever read it.

I needed a book to read since I finished my last book so quickly. So I picked this book up, thinking, "Well, I sure won't like this book. I'll be able to file it away in no time."

Imagine my shock when I actually began to like it. It was easy reading, but it had real substance. I still wasn't sure I'd hold onto it when I was done. I figurerd I might give it away.

Suddenly, I was truly drawn to it. I could barely put it down. I found myself so engaged in reading it that I dared to read it during my sub jobs this past week. I made sure to conceal the cover picture and a few of the drawings, but this was practical, good advice for women. Thankfully the chapters were short enough that I could stop very easilyif I needed to.

Now, I will put a warning--this book has some adult language. It also describes some sex scenes that would not be appropriate for everyone. If you are easily offended, I would not recommend reading this book. But I will say that she only devoted one chapter to sex. I expected more, and it is clear that she knows her readers did as well.

It is amazing how God used this book in my life. Yes, He used a secular book to speak to me. I have read the Christian relationship books. I have read Dr. Phil. I even read some other intriguing, racy secular books in an effort to rescue and improve my relationship. I thought I understood men and women pretty well.

But the author truly had a different premise entirely than the other books I have read. Her main idea is for us woman to become the strong women we need to be who are complete in ourselves. We don't need a man to rescue us. We don't need a man to complete us. We are single and loving it. And when the right man comes along, we will have high expectations and know how we should be treated. And we will not lower our standards and allow ourselves to be abused and taken advantage of.

What an amazing way to think indeed. And this author spoke more about God than some Christian books I read. I love it when she said, "How can you call yourself ugly if you believe in God? If you believe He created you, how can call yourself ugly?" And it wasn't her first reference to God in the book.

This author, in spite of her colorful past, even recommends the idea of monogamy. She says she realizes not everyone will be willing to be in that kind of relationship, but she says it is truly the ideal. Even her concept of what marriage should be like is so much more different than what I have ever read.

Now this is not a book for the faint of heart or for a prude. It is also not for a teenager to read. It would be good for a teenage girl's mother to read it and teach her daughter the principles. I would probably say that this book is for early 20's and up. You do have to read it with an open mind. I don't agree with everything the author says, and indeed she realizes that.

So in conclusion, if you are up for a book that challenges your beliefs about women, men, and dating, this book will do that. If you are able to look past the language and some of the moralistic attitudes espoused in the book, this is a great read. And most of all, if you are willing to read a book that will potentially change your life, this book just might do it. I even understand more completely why I married the man I did after reading this book. Karrine Steffans is a great writer, and this book was certainly worth my time.

[Monique · Rating 3 out of 5]

Literally speaking the The Vixen Manual comes as a surprise. As someone who had try to read Steffans' first work Confessions of A Video Vixen, the expectations of her writing ability were pretty low. There are varying opinions on whether or not Steffans uses a ghost writer. It is reported that she does but she claims that she writes all her books herself. If she is to be believed there is a remarkable jump in her writing ability from the first book to her third book (The Vixen Manual). The writing in The Vixen Manual is superb, in fact, better than some people with English degrees (my roommates opinion). It's hard to believe that she wrote this book (am I just hating?). While, the writing was good, after about the first half of the books it is annoying. Steffans writing seems to take on this tone that becomes unpleasant and patornizing. The impressive writing starts to wear off. To top that off she has a tendency to repeat herself. There is very little difference in the chapters, they basically all have the same point. It became hard to want to complete the book because it became very predictable.

I can't say that the book lives up to the title, it doesn't tell you how to find, seduce and keep the man you want. Mainly Steffans repeats the same on message over and over again; respect and love yourself. That is it. There are no exciting new sex tips (she does advice women to be more sexually adventurous). There is no advice on where to find the sort of man that you are looking for. In fact, the information isn't that different from anything that can't be found in online article or Cosmo. At times the information seemed like common sense. Steffans does encourge women to work on themselves and achieve their goals. While some of the messages she delievers are okay, there were a few that seemed sort of off. In what she calls "The New Dating Game", she advices women to date more than one man at a time, to rank them and tell them where they stand. That is sort of degrading. What woman worth her grain of salt would stay with a man that told her she was number 3 out of 5 on his list of females. There isn't anything wrong with dating one than one person at a time (if there is no sex involoved). There is nothing wrong with ranking people that you are dating, as long as you don't tell them. That is disrespectful. She contradicts herself by saying that it is okay to sleep with more than one person at a time (but remember to be safe) and then stating that beware of your behavoir so you don't come off as a slut. Doesn't these two things sort of contradict themselves. Another issue is that she plays into the Superwoman sterotype. In her message there is the feeling that a woman should be all things to her man and that if she doesn't an he leaves than it is her fault. A woman should be able to work, cook, clean, raise children, and look hot at all times. This is unrealistic and potentially exhuasting course. Not anywhere in her book does it say anything about forming a partnership and finding out a way to split the responsibility to the house, kids, and careers together. The woman sort of becomes the work horse and the man has to be feel and be treated like king all the time.

If you are reading this book to get the freaky sex tips this is not the book. There are about a total of two diagrams showing different sexual positions. But that is all.

It is a interesting read at first, but quickly losses it appeal.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am sorry it took me so long to finish this book, but it was very hard to read with out becoming offend at certain points. I think Ms. Steffans had the right Idea for writing this book, it has alot of helpful points and there are some idea that are very useful. The orginaztion of the book throw me for a loop. It is broken into five sections. Each sections is useful, and has good points but I feel she speaks too much from her expereinces at times. Some section of the book are really for the over 35 woman instead of under 35. The sex section was lacking. All in all its an ok book. I picked up a few good tips. I wasn't thrilled, I think her next book "satisfaction" will be better. Also I was not thrilled by the short chapters some of the chapters could have been combined together, other could have been eliminated. This book is more about building you confidence than finding a man. I mean its nice to build your confidence but I actually would prefer if she had better tips for finding a man. I wish I could offer a better review. As a self help book its a 3 out of 5, because if you heed her advice you will have more confidence in yourself. For a relationship book its 2.5 out of 5. It really doesn't help in that department it kind of says the same thing that all other relationship books say just abbreviated. Thats my review of this book I hope this helps.

[Helen Damnation · Rating 1 out of 5]

I quote:
Let’s be even more blunt about this, just to make sure you get it.
Having too much casual sex can result in a woman becoming worn out,
and I’m talking literally, in this particular instance. Have you ever seen a woman you can tell has just been physically run through? Everything about her appears to be spent. Her face seems beaten and
weathered, and her body has begun to give in to gravity, because
that’s what happens when it’s subjected to too much wear and tear
without sufficient preventative maintenance. And let’s not even talk
about what sex does to your nether regions. Don’t lie, ladies. We all
know what “porn pussy” looks like. The lips are practically hanging out
of the panties on these women. The labia majora are now labia
gigantica. You don’t want that, do you? Because the more casual,
uncommitted, random, sex-for-sex’s-sake sex you have, the more
beleaguered you and your genitalia will become. Why do you think the
very lucrative market for vaginal rejuvenation has emerged? Way too
many women have been having way too much casual sex.

[OOSA · Rating 2 out of 5]

A Woman Without Discretion,

I was disappointed as well as offended with this read. The title is misleading. "The Vixen Manual" is more about sexual choices and exploits than a guide or manual. It does not include the impact of learning as in changing directions, benefiting from experiences or sincere investment in emotional maturity. Therefore, instead of being instructive, it becomes a journal of experiences where the choices of the author are left to be evaluated by the reader. The same would be expected if this was autobiographical of a madame.

"The Vixen Manual" is degrading to women (honorable) and reduces their role to exploitation by men as if they have no intrinsic value but are ascribed value according to their sexual acumen. Men have been degrading women for years; it's truly sad when a woman does it to other women.

Reviewed by: Gail

[Latiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am shocked that I enjoyed this book. Other tahn some new tricks for the bedroom, I didn't expect to learn anything from Karrine Steffans. I was wrong. This woman knows her stuff. I give it three stars because it is grossly overwritten. Karrine fell victim to the intoxication that writers get from the soft clicking of the computer keys. I am doing it now and can feel a warm sensation in my chest-LOL. She should have edited out a few of the chapters. It felt like she was trying to meet a quota. I also think that the recaps at the end of each chapter are uneccessary, especially if the chapter is only two pages long. I do believe that the content is worth the read. For many women, it will reinforce what you already know. Karrine just delivers it with a bit of humor to make the read worthwhile.

[Alia =^..^= · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Not only did it provide good advice and common sense, it made me laugh so many times. Realistic and not afraid to say what most women would never admit. Going to make my friends with guy problems read.
It covered every aspect of a good, and bad, relationship, even women who are in relationships(like myself) should read this book.

[Lonny Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very entertaining read. Funny, real, comprehensive advise. A lot of the tips can be easily used, no harm no foul! If you pick up this book thinking its going to change your life its not what it does do is entertain you and at times gives you food for thought. Take the advise you feel you can use and very importantly apply it otherwise its just another book that made you laugh.

[Jaye · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is actually deceptive. I have not read the full book. Couldn't bring myself to but all was not lost. Her writing "voice" gave me insight into her personality and ideas for character traits in future novels.

[Shà · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is good. she breaks down how to get the man you want and keep him. I think everybody needs help in this department because I know I do. I find this very interesting and I enjoyed every page of it. from cover to cover. keep it up karrine steffans. I have mad love and respect for her.

[Kathleen Smyth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant and insightful!!!

I had read all of Karrine's books except this one and Vindicated, and this one dos not disappoint. Lots of excellent advice and tips, not just about getting and keeping a man but most importantly how to love, heal, and be good to yourself.

[Lydia · Rating 1 out of 5]

A waste of time!

[Beth]

Totally kidding, people.

[Rosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

HOW TO LISTEN & GUIDE YOU THROUGH WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW, WITH OUT DOUBTING YOURSELF.

[Emilia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Blah, couldn't even finish this book, because it was so offensive to my sensibilities. The cover says it all!

These type of self help books are ridiculous.

[DAISY READS HORROR · Rating 3 out of 5]

very informative and good tips ;0

[Shaniqua Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

She definitely did not get enough credit for this book !! -___- it was great and MUCH better than Steve Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

My bible.

[Trina Biscoe]

I cannot review this book. I don't even know how to use this site. I really would like to check the book out. Help me learn how to use the site...Trina