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496 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 1973
It is my hope that the reader will find this collection of papers written throughout my thirty years as published writer, the shape, direction, and connective tissue of a continuous, central interest and preoccupation of a lifetime.
They represent the exact opposite of my fiction, in that they were written nearly all by request, with limitations of space, a date fixed for finishing, on a chosen subject or theme, as well as with the certainty that they would be published. I wrote as well as I could at any given moment under a variety of pressures, and said what I meant as nearly as I could come to it: so as they stand, the pieces are really parts of a journal of my thinking and feeling. Then too, they serve to get me a living, such as it was, so that I might be able to write my stories in their own time and way. My stories had to be accepted and published exactly as they were written: that rule has never once been broken. There was no one, whose advice I respected, whose help I would not have been glad to get, and may times did get, on almost any of these articles. I have written, re-written, and revised them. My stories, on the other hand, are written in one draft, and if short enough, at one sitting. In fact, this book would seem to represent the other half of a double life: but not in truth. It is all one thing. The two ways of working helped and supported each other: I needed both.
25 July 1952 K.A.P.
Mr. Sykes slogs along with a manly competence, he can see a character in a situation and tell about it, sometimes very entertainingly, but it remains a made-up story, and I am unable to decide whether the final effect of shapelessness and vagueness has been carefully worked, or is it what it really seems to be, an inability to come to grips with his stuff? Does he really know and feel so little about other human beings? – and mind you, he knows what the correct sentiments and moral conclusions should be – or is he deliberately keeping himself free from attachments? As a religious, that may be all very well; as an artist, he is making a mistake.
Virginia Woolf was a great artist, one of the glories of our time, and she never published a line that was not worth reading. The least of her novels would have made the reputation of a lesser writer, the least of her critical writings compare more than favorably with the best criticism of the past half-century.
There is a third school, to which I long adhered, though now I should say the question is academic. This is the Stoke of Lightning (coup de fodure) or “love at first sight and the hell with theories” school. In this, one beholds (and the circumstances may be of the most ordinary, the time any hour, the place anywhere, the only fixed rule being that it must happen with absolute suddenness, when one is thinking of something, almost anything else); an Object irrevocably becomes a Subject – in my case, of course, male – which is instantly transfigured with a light of such blinding brilliance all natural attributes disappear and are replaced by those usually associated with archangels at least. They are beautiful, flawless in temperament, witty, intelligent, charming, of such infinite grace, sympathy, and courage, I always wondered how they could have come from such absurdly inappropriate families. I notice I have fallen into the plural in describing this paragon. It is just as well. The meeting between us is like an exchange of signals with lightning, they also seeing in me whatever improbable qualities they wish me to have.
It is a disaster, in fact. We are in love and while it lasts –
It is no good going into details, for while it lasts there simply aren’t any. And when it is over, it is over. And when I have recovered from the shock, and sorted out the damage and put my mangled life in order, I can then begin to remember what really happened. It is probably the silliest kind of love there is, but I’m glad I had it. I’m glad there were time I saw human beings at their best, for I don’t think by any means that I lent them all their radiance . . . it was there ready to be brought out by someone who loved them. It is still there, it may have shone out again if they were ever loved like that again. It is just that I know them better than anyone else for a while, they showed me a different face because they knew I could really see it – and no matter what came of it, I remember and I never deny what I saw.
If you ask me where they are now, whatever became of them, I must say that I think that question entirely beyond the point. Lightning makes the most familiar landscape wild, strange, and beautiful, and it passes. It was all my fault, though. If one ever treats a man as if he were an archangel, he can’t ever, possibly, consent to being treated like a human being again. He cannot do it, it’s nonsense to expect it. It begins to look as if I had never wanted it.
And why should I treat him (them) like that in the first place? Because that is the way I felt. Not too sensible, is it?
*Fall, 1952. The hydrogen bomb has just been exploded, very successful, to the satisfaction of the criminals who caused it to be made.