Kiss the Red Stairs: The Holocaust, Once Removed

by Marsha Lederman

NATIONAL BESTSELLER For readers of All Things Consoled by Elizabeth Hay and They Left Us Everything by Plum Johnson, Kiss the Red Stairs is a compelling memoir by award-winning journalist Marsha Lederman delves into her parents' Holocaust stories in the wake of her own divorce, investigating how trauma migrates through generations with empathy, humour, and resilience.Marsha was five when a simple question led to a horrifying answer. Sitting in her kitchen, she asked her mother why she didn't have any grandparents. Her mother told her the the Holocaust.Decades later, her parents dead and herself a mother to a young son, Marsha begins to wonder how much history has shaped her own life. Reeling in the wake of a divorce, she craves her parents' help. But in their absence, she is gripped by a need to understand the trauma they suffered, and she begins her own journey into the past to tell her family's stories of loss and resilience.Kiss the Red Stairs is a compelling memoir of Holocaust survival, intergenerational trauma, divorce, and discovery that will guide readers through several lifetimes of monumental change.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, History, Canada, Audiobook, Holocaust, Biography Memoir

400 pages, Hardcover

First published August 22, 2023

Reviews

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very important book. Her flippant writing style for me made it difficult to read. The story is incredible but the peppering of flippant comments seemed to me out of place. Unfortunate.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

It sort of feels unnecessary to give a content warning about the Holocaust when the word Holocaust is in the title - but I give one all the same as the other part of the title "once removed" and the mention of generational trauma led me to believe that the book would be mostly about the author and not about her parents' experiences before, during, and after the Holocaust. However, at least a quarter of the book is about the horrors her parents experienced - well documented horrors that you've probably been exposed to before, but encountering them again does not (and should not) lessen the impact.

I wasn't ready for it. I'd read a lot about the Holocaust in the past and had vowed never to again. I think it is important to keep the truth about the Holocaust alive, including and especially the horrors, but I think it is best to be in the right frame of mind to encounter this information and have a plan about how you will deal with exposing yourself to it.

[Rhonda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't really know how to review this book. Maybe it's too soon after I finished, but I will say that this book has had a profound effect on me, that the author feels strangely like a long lost sister because our stories overlap, come together and apart and together again. I loved the writing, the voice, the honesty, and while the story is so hard to read, so important to read, the telling of it is beautiful.

[Viktoriia Matviieva · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book covers a very important topic. Despite the fact that I read and watched a lot about the Holocaust, this book revealed to me other, completely unexpected facts. However, the book was a little difficult to read due to the fact that it is poorly structured and there is a lot of repetition.

[Laura Brass · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and harrowing memoir about the Holocaust and intergenerational trauma. Hands down one of the best books I’ve ever picked up! A life changer!!!

[Myffanwy Geronazzo · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author is a fucking joke with a massive victim complex.

Something ironic about how she talks about generational trauma, but she has never experienced actual discrimination. Instead, she’s weirdly racist towards Indigenous Canadians and homophobic. Like?? Pick a struggle ma’am.

Doesn’t surprise me that she’s a zionist. Ethnoculturalists are the biggest shit stain on the Jewish people.

[Barb Cardinal · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best memoirs I've ever read. It was a challenging book because the content is so harrowing, and parts of it will never leave me. But Marsha Lederman's ability to write such disturbing details of the Holocaust and yet leave the reader feeling uplifted at the end is a real gift. The intertwining of her family's stories, her own personal struggles, and the historical facts of this horrible period in history made this book a very compelling read. Highly recommend!

[Kathryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

The historical and research elements of the book were really interesting. However, the writing style for the personal situation was not what I'd expect from a skilled journalist.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5 | This was not as easy book to listen to and I wouldn’t say that I “enjoyed” it. I did, however, learn a lot and was both inspired and convicted by much of it.

There were bits I had to skip because they were too gruesome and horrific and I did not have the stomach nor the mental capacity to listen to them.

However, I don’t think any other piece of media I have watched, listened to or read has as effectively communicated the atrocities of the Holocaust and the ongoing repercussions it has had on survivors and their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

This memoir, which is supported by a lot of research (the author is a journalist), is a raw, vulnerable and honest look at inter-generational trauma and how the lives of her parents and what they survived has influenced and impacted her own life.

Though at times it could feel slightly repetitive, overall, I would consider this a must-read, especially at a time of rising anti-semitism.

[Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is indescribably moving, enthralling, and rich, as a memoir, as a historical study, and as a family story. I talked about it at length with my partner and co-workers before I had even finished reading it. It's the best memoir I've read in many years. Highly, highly, highly recommended!

[Anne Marie Carey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very impactful and personal journey of generational experiences from the time of the holocaust to present - with the impacts felt in the most unexpected places. A brave and vulnerable memoir - with a global pandemic layered on top of all the other trauma.

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found myself continually annoyed by the tone in beginning of this book, but felt that I gradually enjoyed it more as it went on.

The book begins with some interesting comparisons between the Holocaust and modern injustices (COVID-19 lockdowns, neo-Nazis with tiki torches) and while I do agree there is value in studying the underlying similarities so we do not allow such phenomena to happen again, the Holocaust should not be used synonymously with every difficult thing that we endure. For me, the book did not even scratch the surface regarding an appropriate & meaningful way to compare these events – it simply placed them together and left the reader to conclude they are the same. There is a lot to be said about social norms and group mentality that allows these things to occur even today, but the author glossed over any meaningful conversation here. In the author’s defence, the book does go on to sort of explain how this type of thinking and comparing can be damaging and can diminish the struggles of people who are currently experiencing their personal worst, even if it’s not as bad as others may have had it. But overall, I feel that these comparisons were unfair and left unexplored.

I am torn between enjoying the author’s unique thoughts and being annoyed at the ‘poor me’ attitude. I have read (and loved) Dr. Edith Eger’s book The Choice; she is a Holocaust survivor that speaks, writes and counsels about freeing yourself from the victimization of your past, your trauma, the trauma of others etc and Kiss the Red Stairs took on a much different tone from the beginning. To me, it just held more of a ‘look what happened to me and my family and now I’m broken and have trust issues and can’t possibly help it’ attitude. The book also seems riddled with confirmation bias: children of survivors of the Holocaust seem to struggle in separation circumstances, and I am going through a difficult divorce, therefore I must be a shining example of intergenerational trauma *eye roll* (this paragraph of my review was written when I was about 1/3 of the way into the book – here is my edit after another 1/3 of reading):

She actually does mention Eger’s book directly and talks about her feelings as she was reading her work on victimhood – I feel that the author is very aware of her own attitude towards her inherited history, but perhaps just leans too much into it during the writing of this book. The tone shifted partway through the book and it did become more enjoyable than the beginning.
She mentions that “it was also comforting to think that my inability to accept what had happened and bounce back maybe wasn’t totally my fault” and throughout the book it seems as if she is happy she experiences this intergenerational trauma simply so she does not have to take accountability for her own shortcomings.

“But if the trauma was wired into me biologically, I could lay the blame elsewhere.”

“Did what had happened to my parents actually cause the breakdown of my marriage? Was I impossible to live with because of the hell my parents had been through?”

Her answer to these questions seems to be a resounding ‘yes’. I feel that the author completely fails to take responsibility for her part in her marriage (and the breakdown of it) and seems to conclude that if she was not the descendant of the Holocaust, she wouldn’t be getting divorced in the first place. We hear very little about how she plans to overcome this trauma, better herself, and prevent passing on similar trauma to her own children; instead, we hear about how damaged she thinks she is and how there is nothing she can do about it because that is just how she was born. I don’t disbelieve the theories of intergenerational trauma, but the victim mentality overshadows the more meaningful discussion that could have made this a much more interesting book.

I feel that the writing also could have been much more concise; there were so many hyphens and brackets used to explain minor (“minor”) details and again, made it a bit annoying to read. Other reviewers have used the word flippant to describe the text & tone and I would tend to agree with that, especially with her mention of ‘poetic comments’ in other texts and failure to add many of her own. The 2nd and 3rd portions of the book read better than the 1st, but the writing style did leave a bit to be desired. I enjoyed her commentary about her trip to Poland with her family and then her research trips to the Holocaust archives, as well as the further discussion about other enslaved people throughout history. However, some parts were unbearable, like her comparing her child’s birch pollen allergy to the fact that the name of Birkenau (formerly Brzezinka) stems from the surrounding birch trees.


All in all, this book was about a 2 out of 5 for me in the beginning, but became about a 2.5-3 in the second half. Rating as a 2 out of 5 as it doesn’t seem to hold up to the caliber of other books I’ve rated a 3.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful book. It is important to keep the dialogue about the holocaust open as the holocaust generation dies out and antisemitism continues to be prevalent.

[Janet Hutchinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thorough look at the Holocaust, at survivors of the Holocaust, at intergenerational trauma, all through the eyes of a daughter of survivors. Lederman starts this journey as she is experiencing personal loss (a divorce), and the impact of that loss powers her toward more discovery. The book is thoroughly researched, and intertwines the research with her parents and their families stories. At times, the writing was particularly intense, and I had to walk away from her descriptions. But her realization that her parents' survival was the ultimate success, and that, in turn, her existence, and that of her son's, was proof positive that Hitler did not succeed, was a good ending.

[Bob Hathway · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written and personal.

[Rachel Dick Plonka · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a grandchild of holocaust survivors this book resonated so deeply with me. This book was part memoir, part journalistic journey into the world of generational trauma and everything that comes with it. Beautifully written and thought provoking.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do we carry our parents suffering? What insights can the answer tell us about our own pain? For anyone who has asked these questions this incredibly powerful memoir by Marsha Lederman weaves intimate family stories past and present with historical records to illuminate ultimate truths and healing.

If you like listening to books on Audible as I do, Kiss the Red Stairs is so beautifully read by the author herself, adding a tender poignancy and connection for the listener. Very highly recommend.

I’ve read several harrowing yet ultimately inspirational stories of survival and healing by authors who were subject to the horrors of the death camps - and the unimaginable inhumanity that became common place. Kiss the Red Stairs is an important addition to these readings for me - bringing the immediacy of the present day lives of children of survivors to to historical truths exposed about the Holocaust.

A thread woven through Lederman’s narrative between past and present is her lifelong passion for advancing truth and social justice as a journalist. It becomes apparent that this drive is fueled by the painful legacy of her family history, and this book is a stunning monument along her life’s journey to expose the darkest corners of humanity to the light.

May we all aspire to honor our own scars and heal by harnessing our deepest pain, our outrage, our anger, to lift up what is right and true.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this memoir feels like spying on a woman’s brave, brutally honest, painful journey of self-discovery. As her marriage crumbles, Vancouver journalist Marsha Lederman searches for answers to her current circumstances while exploring the intergenerational trauma of the Holocaust.
Lederman’s mother survived the Auschwitz death camp and slave labour in an ammunition factory while her father escaped to hide in plain sight as a farm worker in Germany with falsified papers. She falls into an obsession with the horrors that engulfed so much of her family from an innocent childhood question about why she had no grandparents and, in mid-life, immerses herself in Holocaust history. As she works to come to terms with the breakup of her marriage, she also tries to find out exactly what happened to her people and why.
So much of this story is hauntingly tragic and sad. It’s easy to see why Lederman spent so much of her life seeing herself as a victim. Though sometimes while reading, I wanted to reach through the pages to shake her and say, “You’re a smart, strong, privileged woman. Move on. Take charge.”
Eventually, she learns a lesson that everyone should take to heart: “Terrible things will happen. The one thing we can control is how we respond to these events.” The one thing that can’t be taken from a human being is the freedom to choose one’s attitude.

[Jodie Siu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant and moving. A wonderful reflection on the ways in which trauma is recorded in the body and soul, and one woman's journey to understanding the resilience and strength she embodies. Full of horrifying details yet ultimately uplifting, as she discovers the power of community and love. I will be thinking of this book for a long time.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book spoke to me in so many ways. It is, at once, a biography, a history of WW II era Polish Jews, a testimonial to being the child of Holocaust survivors. And, a reminder that, so many of us experience trauma and need to find a way to not only process it, but move with it or past it into a different existence.

There are a number of threads weaving their way through this narrative. The chapters cover Ms. Lederman's own emotional struggles and questions (is life harder because I am the child of Holocaust survivors?)and they also trace the compelling but at times, horrific, history of her parents, Polish Jews, and how they survived to the end of World War II. And - how they managed to make a new life, somehow, rich with love and connection, in Canada.
It's difficult to do this book justice here; its scope really is extraordinary. If you have suffered deeply due to circumstances beyond your control, if you or someone dear to you has experienced trauma and live life there, as a victim (and, yes, so much of what life throws at us is traumatic), you may benefit (as I did) from reading how the author read, researched, talked and therapied her way to a her a different, more positive place. No, many of us are not Holocaust survivors (or their kin) but the lessons hard won here do have the potential to gently and supportively nudge your outlook.
At the very least, this is an engaging book with many threads - Holocaust and Jewish & Polish history, life as the child of Survivors, and how one grows and accept the many curves terrible life throws you . At the end, it is the love that shines through above all. Love between those who survived (and aided in their survival), love between husband and wife, and child, love for each other in a world that -- during World War II and now - make it challenging to remember that this so human emotion is what binds us all.

[Becca Kellner · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.4.
Very interesting memoir of generations affected by the holochaust and the continued effects it has carried for the author. It is a lot about how her narrative has been influenced by what she experienced growing up as a result of her parent’s time in the war, and more specifically in the ghetto and in camps.
It feels like the book and getting the narrative down was. Important for her processing of her own grief and also as a record and an opportunity to bear witness to the atrocities of the war.
It was well written (sometimes repetitive but not in a bothersome way).
If you like learning history through stories and are interested in Survivor stories of the holochaust, I highly recommend this book.
Could’ve done without some of the Canadian parallels which occasionally felt like virtue signaling - and unnecessary to include but I understand why the author felt it was important for her.

[Kathryn Baverstock · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lederman is the daughter of Holocaust survivors. This is her story of her family and the impact of the Holocaust on herself and her family. It was hard to read at times. Still, it was an important read. Some sections are quite graphic. That's appropriate and important for us to understand the impact on subsequent generations. Lederman speaks of intergenerational trauma throughout the book. I found her comparison to Indian Residential School survivors and their descendants quite powerful. She said that the Jews could leave their homeland after the war and find sanctuary and healing in Canada, whereas, survivors of Residential Schools were damaged by their country on their own land. They could not leave and had to find healing at the place of their injury. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to learn more about this terrible time, and who want to help prevent it happening again.

[Alix · Rating 5 out of 5]

It feels like three books in one: a thorough history of the Holocaust, a detailed study of what is happening with the children of survivors and a personal memoir of a woman dealing with a very normal experience - divorce. Very hard to read at times, of course. You will not be spared the worst details but somehow because the story moves around in time there is just enough relief to keep going. Dark and even flippant humour was good medicine. But most importantly - she is just a damn good writer and so I felt carried along as though in a great conversation with a friend. I am a better person for having read this book.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this! It reminds us that we have a responsibility to be sure that we are always on guard for the signs of actions similar to those that occurred in Germany prior to WWII. History can teach us lessons that could protect us from repeating horrible events. This is why those who want to try and erase history are those that we should be wary of.

[Marcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lederman is a journalist with the Globe and Mail. Until her husband left her, she didn’t really think of how her parents as Holocaust survivors effected her. Once she began to investigate their lives and research the subject, she realized that she probably suffered from generational trauma. This book is well researched and well written but emotionally difficult to read. Highly recommended.

[Jennifer Paton Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author is a wonderful writer, and her family's Holocaust experiences are heart-wrenching stories that need to be told. She also raises important question about how trauma is transmitted to the next generation. However, I think the book is too long and unfocused, and parts are repetitive, which makes it hard to follow.

[Carol Stevenson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a personal memoir of an adult of holocaust survivors. A very insightful sharing of the effects of inter generational trauma. This is something I have never really thought about or read about until now. The author is Canadian which also brings the story closer to home

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't say that I enjoyed reading this book as it was a tough read emotionally, in spite of the fact that I have read many stories of the Holocaust. However, the extent of the authors research, her soul searching, her vulnerability, her honesty and finally her resolution made it worth the effort.

[Linda Cardinal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book.
Sometimes content is everything. Or content trumps everything else.
I don’t know how to rate this. I am very glad to have read it and I want to thank the writer for making the personal universal and probably making a better person out of me. Hope it sticks.

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

An important mémoire that draws the line between the intergenerational trauma of other horrific aspects of human history including Canada's history of residential 'schools'. I did find her writing style a bit repetitive and flippant.