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328 pages, Online Fanfiction
Published March 25, 2019
“Well,” Harry says, holding up an Alabama driver’s license. “Apparently my name is now Harold Pooter.”
Malfoy chokes on a laugh. Or maybe a bit of tomato.
“Good, strong, surname,” he says after a moment of wheezing. “It suits you.”
“Well, I’m glad you like it,” Harry says, paging through the next set of documents. “Because it’s your last name, too.”
Malfoy drops his fork. “I beg your pardon?”
“Mm. Drake Pooter. Apparently we’re married. A year ago today, even. Happy anniversary, dear.”
“Give me that.”
Harry hands over the paperwork as requested, watching as Malfoy’s facial expressions progress through all five stages of grief in the span of thirty seconds.
He picks up his fork again and holds it in a curled fist. “I’m going to kill him.”
“It’s not that bad,” Harry says, reaching to retrieve the documents. “It’s just for a day.”
Malfoy slaps away Harry’s extended hand.
“But—this is hardly fair.” He jabs the fork towards one page, “Did you see our occupations? Why do you get to be some reclusive tech prodigy and I’m just your—”
“Boy toy?”
Malfoy splutters. “I was going to say ‘kept man’ or ‘trophy husband’ but you’ve managed to make this even more horrifying, thank you.”
“No problem.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to sleep with him.”
“Well. You don't have to.”
“No,” Draco says grimly. “I do. I really do.”
“Well,” Harry says. “Shit.”
Draco, startled, glances sideways at him.
“What?”
“I’m sorry,” he says, which clarifies nothing.
“You often should be, for all number of grievances,” Draco says. “What are you currently apologising for?”