Periodically I will go through a sort of Fiction Desert, where nothing I pick up can hold my attention or if it does it's for terrible reasons (hatereading Meg Wolitzer for example) but THIS lil biscuit really dipped my gravy.
I'm not going to review-review it because tbh the plot goes off the rails and a review would take that into account more thoughtfully than I care to. For my money the plot is the last thing that matters in a book, in a life. I am here for the characters. I am here for what they learn about where their hearts were hard. This book is full of that, of the beautiful dawning of softness and warmth on something that'd been pinched for a long long time.
I'm just gonna include the quotes I marked with tiny post-it arrows so as not to muss this lovely library copy and then I'll return this to the library where I suggest you check it out right away:
"He wasn't just noticing things, he was processing them--taking them apart, examining the pieces, and reassembling them."
I've talked about "processing" one MILLION times but never has it struck me so plainly what the mechanics of it are. I love the clarity this little description brings to what can feel like an endless, impossible labor.
"As a thought it was empowering. As a confession to a friend, it felt self-aggrandizing and pathetic, and she cowered in her armchair immediately after saying it."
There is so much mercy for these characters in this book and this I think is a good example of it. It's wild that you could need to make a confession to a friend and then immediately feel pathetic and self-aggrandizing, but that's really what keeps so many of us keeping secrets so painfully, is the fear of that reveal. I love that this character gets a chance to confess her prideful, petty selfishness.
"This would not go well, she knew that, but she had to look confident." Lol. Yes.
"'No one whispers in this town,' he said with that gentle bluntness she always respected and resented. 'They just wait until you're far enough away and talk normal.'" This book has got JOKES and I appreciate them.
"And today, on the AM dial, it's five callers ranting about using taxpayer funds to build a new central library in nearby San Antonio." Relevant to my interests and lol. (There are some people in my town who have been ranting against the library for ages.)
"Complaints aren't necessarily shameful acts of malice; they can be a kind of conversational awl that pokes right through even the toughest personality. You complain when the important stuff feels invasive or out of reach. You complain because complaining is easy. You complain about an event knowing you will attend it anyway, in part because attending the event will give you something new to complain about. You complain because you like complaining." God this is generous. I am a real hardass about complainers and I could remember the purpose it can serve and be a little kinder.
"No one had ever thought of her as mean until she was suddenly allowed to be. And then they realized it must have been who she was all along."
"The quicker everything blew up in her face, she thought, the quicker she could emerge from the rubble--that is, of course, if she made it out alive." I love this idea of someone looking forward to an inevitable confrontation she's dreading.
I'm not going to type it out but on page 125 there's just this really beautifully evocative little passage about driving somewhere you've driven a million times, and reading it you really feel the writer is familiar with this aspect of country life where sometimes there aren't any signs and you just feel your way and it's the best.
"Despite the abundance of dead people, it really was her favorite kind of novel, a meandering story about sad people who get a little less sad by the end." Same.
"At a certain point, she decided then without argument, life becomes a straight line with no branches, a road with no exit ramps. Grief would define the rest of her years, and it was time for her to get used to that." This is NOT a bummer book even though this passage might make you think it is.
"Francesca had always been the kind of person who would make cynical declarations as an attempt to project confidence and intelligence and a sophisticated sense of humor, and so, in fact, had Josie. But from the moment they decided to leave New York behind, she grew woefully tired of what she believed to be an affect unique to her hometown. Even when you're sitting across from a friend who may be leaving you for good, someone who doesn't want commentary, just a friendly ear and quiet companionship, you're playing for the cheap seats. For what felt like the first time in her adult life, she actually listened to what she said to people. And not only that, she also listened to how she said it. Had she always been a pessimist who treated every conversation like open-mic night and ate twenty-dollar salads for lunch without the slightest hint of enjoyment? All it took was one foot stepping beyond the five boroughs for her to realize how excited she was to escape them entirely."
Mostly I like the bit in here about treating "every conversation like an open-mic night," that is SUCH a sizzling burn. Yeowch. It's nice to frame growing up as a thing that can happen once you get a little perspective, and nice to imagine that that perspective could come from something as simple as a change of scenery.
"It's hard to be there for someone when that someone is the person you need to be there for you."
"A person remains malleable and unformed for so much longer than we give them credit for." This is so lovely! Malleable and unformed as strengths or capacities rather than weakness. So good.
I think I would have read this eventually because Bobby Finger is part of the Blank Checkiverse, but Melissa Dahl Devine was personally stanning for it when we were browsing Books Are Magic and I treasure the recommendation.
Really good read.