Tired as F*ck: Burnout at the Hands of Diet, Self-Help, and Hustle Culture – A Frank Memoir and Cautionary Tale on Rest, Peace, and Doing Less

by Caroline Dooner

Blending memoir and blistering social observations, the author of The F*ck It Diet looks back at her desperate attempts to heal her hunger, anxiety, and imperfections through extreme diets, culty self-help methods, and melodramatic bargains with the universe. Offering a frank and funny critique of the cultural forces that are driving us mad, Caroline Dooner examines how treating ourselves like never ending self-improvement projects is a recipe for burnout. We have become unknowingly complicit in perpetuating our own exhaustion because we are treating ourselves like machines. But even phones need to f*cking recharge. Caroline takes a good hard look at the dark side of self-help, and explains how she eventually used a radical period of rest to push back against cultural expectations and reclaim some peace. Tired As F*ck empowers us to say no to the things that exhaust us. It inspires us to carve out time to slow down, feel okay about doing less, and honor our humanity. This is not a self-help book, it's a cautionary tale. It's an honest look at the dogma of wellness and spiritual self-improvement culture and revels in the healing power of rest and letting shit go.

Read by the author. Format: 1 MP3 CD.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Memoir, Health, Mental Health, Personal Development

320 pages, Hardcover

First published February 8, 2022

About the author

I write mostly about God now. I used to write about intuitive eating, then I became a rebellious libertarian during covid, which made most of my former readers hate me. Then I converted (back) to Christianity. Yes it's all been very strange.

Reviews

[Kristine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve read The F*ck It Diet and found it really helpful. I think I was expecting this book to be a little more prescriptive than it was. About two thirds of the book is a recap of all of Dooner’s exhausting experiences and traumas–trying to make a career as an actor, health problems, endless dieting, etc. Her experiences were hard to read about but they did help to land the last part of the book where she starts to generalize about the different kinds of experiences and environments that lead to burnout. This is a memoir more than a how to, but it’s a good starting point if you’re feeling burned out–especially if you’re a white millennial woman that can relate to some of Dooner’s specific circumstances. She touches on issues of systemic oppression like race and economic circumstances and acknowledges her privilege but this is largely a book written from a very specific point of view. If you’re looking for more specific action steps on how to deal with burnout, I’d suggest Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, and if you want to know about systemic problems that lead to burnout I’d suggest Devon Price’s Laziness Does Not Exist.

Content warning (I don’t know if this is a thing that is normally given a content warning but I think I would’ve liked to know) there is a lot about Dooner’s dental procedures.

ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Melinda Jordan · Rating 2 out of 5]

A month ago I was in tears saying to my therapist, “I’m so tired. I’m tired of pretending I’m getting by. I’m tired of pretending I’m not hurting. I’m tired.” So when I saw the cover of this book on my library app, I thought it was just the book I needed. Naturally I requested it without actually reading what the book was about.

I got it and realized it’s about saying no to dieting and hustle culture and, even thought it wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for, I was intrigued.

What a disappointment. First of all, she spends the first 200 pages talking about all the diets she’s tried and referring to things she wrote in her previous book, The F*ck It Diet. It seems like she was just going over a lot of the material she’s already written about.

Second of all, she spends about 70 pages talking about this 2 year period of rest which is what the book was supposed to be about. Even then, it was very unclear what this period really was about. It sounds like she said no to socializing and dating, but other than that I couldn’t tell how she actually rested.

Lastly, it was all very pretentious. I get that this is her life experience and her pain is real. But I am really supposed to take life experience advice from a 30 year old who hasn’t really done anything? She’s very clearly wealthy that her parents would pay her rent in NYC for 2 years after college, so it was so hard to relate to her or take her seriously. She’s obviously successful with these books and her seminars, but I feel like everything reeks of privilege. And the plastic surgery as a teenager/young adult was pretty horrifying.

From now on, I’m only reading memoirs/life advice books from adults at least 40 years old or older.

[Dana Monsees · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m extremely disappointed with this book. I loved (most of) the F*ck it Diet and recommend it to a lot of my clients (I'm a Dietitian-Nutritionist). When I heard Caroline Dooner was writing a book on burnout, and how diet culture, hustle culture, etc. can contribute to chronic stress and burnout, I was IN.

10 pages in, it already felt like a rambling hot mess. I've read memoirs I liked before - this was not one of them. It isn't until around the last 50 pages of the book that the author talks about anything she actually did to help herself rest. And even then, it's not very clear - she stopped dieting (ok, covered that in her previous book), stopped pushing herself so hard, worked on some toxic societal expectations of women nearing 30, and saw some doctors. I know she says it's not a self-help book. But it's *definitely* marketed as one, which is really misleading.

[Kendall · Rating 1 out of 5]

This reeks of white privilege. “My mommy and daddy paid for my rent!” “Mommy and daddy paid for my 2 plastic surgeries before I was 21!” “Vegan kombuchaaaa!!!” Just like kombucha, that white privilege put a bad taste in my mouth from the jump.

The entire time I read this book, I was was thinking: “this meeting could’ve been an email” Like, yo, this whole book could’ve been a few clips on TikTok (or to age myself, a blog post).

The part of the book I was looking forward to the most, the hustle culture, was barely referenced. At most, 20 or so pages at the very end. This was disappointing because as a millennial who works several jobs around the clock, this is what made me want to read this book. Turns out this book is more like a memoir. If you want to hear about her weird teeth or every diet she’s ever tried, give it a whirl.

[Megan · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 21%. I was curious to hear what someone similar in age had to say about burnout but after 21% I couldn't take anymore of her whining about several different diets and desperately wanting plastic surgery as a kid/teen. Not for me. Definitely not self-help as it is marketed, but more of a rambling memoir of endless complaints.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Is this book just her constantly whining the whole time? She talks about eating, and beauty, the whole time- which I thought her other book ‘the fuck it diet’ would cover. She’s quite exhausting to listen to with ALL the complaining (first world problems as well- her parents pay for her to go to NYU, pay the first two years of her rent after she graduates on the Upper East Side of NYC, she lives abroad on her parents dime, and her parents have a beach house
-cry me a river).

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really hate to give a book one star, but I had to make myself finish this book and absolutely loathed the process. The entire book is one long, incredibly self absorbed, whiny memoir about Dooner's teens and twenties related mostly to how much she hated her appearance. She lived a life of incredible privilege with parents who bankrolled her teenage nose job, acting and singing opportunities, a summer in Europe, a nice NYC apartment, overpriced foods from one extreme diet to the next, and pretty much her entire privileged existence. And during all of those years, she hyper-fixated on her acne and her weight (looking at photos online, Dooner never appeared actually overweight). Again and again and again. How is this supposed to help anybody?

Each "chapter" is about a page and a half and it's got a flippant title that suggests it's going to be funny, but it won't be. It's just mildly bad thing after bad thing that happened to her, except you can't really feel that bad for her. She goes into a lot about her terrible dental procedures and they do sound absolutely painful and horrifying, but I don't really want to read about someone's awful dental procedures again and again. And I just don't care about her cystic acne or that she felt her boobs were too big or that everyone said she was such an amazing actress and singer but she hated auditioning and was always unhappy. Shrug.

There is nothing helpful in this book. She says it's a book to give up self-help and hustle culture but there's no real help offered and this woman has never hustled (having to take clown and babysitting jobs on the side sometimes is as close as she seemed to get other than one brief period where she had to work as a receptionist and was devastated by how boring, exhausting and not fun it was to work a real job). She has spent decades living off of her parents and now she lives off of the success of her first book and apparently the workshops she developed from it? There is no real advice, and she didn't really "rest" for two years anyway. She continued to act and work, but she stopped trying to date by doing things like using dating apps and she said no to (more) things she didn't want to do, plus she moved to a cheaper city because her parents were going to stop paying for her expensive New York City apartment.

Oh, and after reading about her years of mysterious health issues related to Epstein Barr/CFS, at the very end of the book she says she saw a sort of alternative doctor and he prescribed some kind of drops that mostly cured her. That is the least helpful bit of information in a book that I've ever read. She couldn't have gone and looked at the bottle or called the office and at least found out the ingredients in case it might help readers who had similar issues????? Nope. Some sort of drops. And now she's mostly fine. How nice for her.

This was just a hot mess. A whiny, self-absorbed, annoying, not at all relatable, boring, cringe-worthy hot mess. I cannot recommend it.

I read a digital ARC of this book for review.

[Melany · Rating 4 out of 5]

I honestly borrowed this from Libby due to the title, as I felt that in my soul. After listening to this audiobook, it truly resonated with me. I related so much in different ways to the words the author spoke but also some of the things she did and experienced. This made me feel more relaxed and pray I could take 2 years off to rest like she did. While it might not be truly possible for me, I do plan to make some changes in aspects of my life (including the diet cultures and work/life balance) to make time daily for rest and reset. This was such a wonderful read and hearing about her experience, but also a reminder of "not everything works for everyone".

[Tuesday · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you were expecting more “here’s how hustle and wellness culture uphold white supremacy/ableism/an inhuman standard of infinite growth of capital” and less “my parents had the disposable income for my teenage nose job and my pseudoscientific wellness scams and my new york apartment”, try checking out some of the Black, fat, and disabled authors she occasionally cites.

namely, try ‘Fearing the Black Body’ by Sabrina Strings, ‘Laziness Does Not Exist’ by Devon Price, and all the work The Nap Ministry has been doing for years. The podcast Maintenance Phase also offers a lot of info on how a lot of the Wellness Industry is pseudoscientific scams, but it turns out Dooney’s an antivaxxer so I don’t think she’s terribly keen on the whole “debunking pseudoscience” thing.

I don’t like shitting on memoirs or saying people’s problems aren’t Traumatic Enough™️, nor do I think people need to compress their stories into a neat little package to be judged, compared, and consumed by others, but… so many people I know would have a much easier time resting and resisting burnout if they had the kind of money Dooney blows on high-end raw vegan restaurants.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Caroline Dooner, author of The F*ck It Diet, is back with her second book all about burnout from things like dieting, the self-help craze, and hustle culture. Pulling from her own personal experiences, this memoir-based self help book details just how far people will go to make themselves feel better, all while making themselves feel worse.

I was really hoping for something great with this book. As a person who knows I struggle with the constant feeling of not doing or being enough, I thought this book was going to resonate with me. Nope. Not even a little bit. This book is primarily memoir about Dooner's life experiences with chronic illness, dieting, and her own issues with body positivity. Every page is riddled with the word I. It really isn't until the last 60 pages or so where the rest of the book's title starts to come in to play. I can definitely see how this author would make connections with readers. She's sarcastic and brutally honest, but her life story just didn't connect with me.

Thanks so much to Harper Wave for the advance reading copy!

[Fancy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Giving up a little over half done because I am tired as fuck of reading this whiny, self absorbed, over privileged woman’s rambling pity party. Good God. Not interesting, not funny, not helpful. Just essay after essay where she describes diets she started and ways she spent her rich parents’ money while trying to get skinny and beautiful and become an actor and singer. How many times in one book do you want to read the words “cystic acne” and hear yet more about one annoying woman’s hyper focus on her looks? Oh, and lots of horrifying stories about stuff that she had to have done to her teeth.

Just no.

[Diana]

DNF cause a quick Google told me she’s anti-vax about 80 pages in. 😬 Thank god I took this out from the library.

[Cari · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dooner's follow-up to The F*ck It Diet chronicles her life becoming obsessed with different diets and self-help ventures, including raw veganism, the French Women Don't Get Fat diet, and more. Dooner takes a deep dive into the culture surrounding the way she created her world, trying constantly to be perfect and have control. The way to heal this was by letting go of that need for perfectionism and embracing radical rest. Even though this book doesn't come out till 2022, it's a must-read. If you haven't read The F*ck It Diet, that's out now, and you can go read it before this one comes out. Dooner uses herself as an example of all the ways diet and self-help culture has failed us.

[Chloé Dwyer · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no “self-help” in this book. Or at least the few times there is, it’s hard to even pick out in between all the author’s whining… this book felt like when you get lunch with that friend that only talks about themselves and complains the whole time.

The only part that wasn’t exhausting was the last littleeeee chunk that actually touched on burnout/hustle culture. Probably 85% was about dieting and her life struggles with her appearance. Wouldn’t recommend🫣

[Tiff · Rating 2 out of 5]

For the love of God just shut up already

[Morgan Khandani · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a DNF for me. While I can relate to Dooner's struggles with PCOS, negative body image, yo-yo dieting, and participating in several of the diet fads in an effort to strive for that picture-perfect embodiment of health and beauty, I was disappointed after getting halfway through the book and she was STILL talking about her struggle with diets. I thought this was a major topic already covered in her previous book, The F*ck It Diet, as well as in her podcast, so what else was left to say on the subject? What I actually expected was more about the hustle culture, the social media pressure to become our best selves (or constant works in progress), toxically comparing our lives with those of others, the self-help paradox that makes us more neurotic, being workaholics, and never achieving a work/life balance. At least, that was my take from the description and part of what she touches upon in the introduction. This was not the case, and the further along I got, the more I came to realize that even if she did get around to discussing these points, it was probably not going to appear until the last 2 or 3 chapters in the book, which means it would be rushed and barely explained.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t know what to make of this book. The first 2/3 of the book is more of a memoir of what lead her to The F*ck It Diet. I skipped/skimmed through most of it, because it felt unnecessary. The only logic to it was to spell out all the reasons she was Tired as F*ck, but it was too long and rambling to get that point across in a clear way.

The final 1/3 of the book was more what I was expecting this book to be. But I’m unsure what her 2 years of rest was, other than not dating, not trying to be an actor (but taking acting jobs anway??), and saying to herself that it was ok to rest. The advice the author gave was basically do less until you aren’t so tired anymore.

[Elizabeth Chilvers · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wasn't what I was hoping for. Rather than a book on burnout, it's an overview of her privileged life in a whiny tone. Really disappointed as I loved her precious book "the Fuckit Diet".

[Jessica Firman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Hot take-
The entire self help genre is wealthy white woman privilege and I just can’t get on board.

I was so excited when I saw this book. It’s “about” being sick and tired of hustle culture, diet culture, healing culture, miracle cure culture. Yes. My ears are up. Let’s all gather and talk some trash.

Except…this is about a 20-something who has very dramatic medical crises about every other year of her life. She gets plastic surgery in high school because she convinces her parents a new nose will make her happy. She also wants to be an actor. She lives in New York in an apartment her parents pay for. She studies abroad. Being an actor is overwhelming. More medical crises. Her “liver hurts” when she has a sip of alcohol. She tries to be a receptionist for a short while but then that’s exhausting and she declares…a two year rest. I wish I was kidding.

You know who can’t take a little “rest” from their job and responsibilities? People who pay their OWN rent. People with bills. Single parents. Single people. You know who doesn’t GAF about not nailing their off Broadway audition? See above list…

The author did take a small moment to acknowledge systemic barriers but considering her experience and the entire rest of the book- it was almost condescending.

I don’t even know that I can give this a star. Self help, miracle cure, “heal yourself” people might like this one but it’s falling flat for me. Off to find a Little Free Library…

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed the F*ck it Diet, it was life changing, and this one really helped in the journey to let go of things that no longer serve you. As Caroline says many times, she isn't a "professional" this is just her story and there are lots of lessons and advice in a funny and conversational tone. I really enjoy Caroline's podcast, and this book does still deal with a lot of diet drama. I feel the connection from diet exhaustion and lifestyle exhaustion is very strong. There is a lot to chew on here.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not find this book helpful or insightful. It was a memoir that was mostly complaining with very little practical action. Dooner's writing style was also just not for me: I personally found the random italics and additional letterssssssssss and rAnDom cApiTaLs and "I mean.... Right?"s to be more irritating than quirky. After finishing this book, I actually went back and added a star to my rating of Laziness Does Not Exist by Dr. Devon Price, as they say essentially the same thing, but much more eloquently (and is actually quoted in Dooner's book).

[Jessie Marshall · Rating 1 out of 5]

1 ⭐️. Couldn’t finish. This book is mainly a recap of her diet culture book. Summarization of the audio book: first 8.5 hours were about how diet culture is a cult and stress is the cause of health concerns. Last 30 minutes we’re about the need to have boundaries and not subscribe to hustle culture. This book could have been a meme.

[Aranel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably one of the most relieving books I've read in a long time.

[Jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came into my life at such a perfect time. I was feeling EVERY SINGLE WORD. Also Caroline Dooner is so funny!

I feel like this is also a sign for me to not continue doing the Goodreads reading challenge, because it doesn’t bring me joy, just stress!

Additional details to come.

[Jenny GC · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been a fan of Caroline since I discovered the Fuck it diet back in 2019! This book was so relatable, stress, years and years of dieting, burnout, allllllllll the things. I really enjoyed reading this book and listening to her story; the lessons she’s learned along the way, and some helpful tips to move forward.

[Emma Reid · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was... a lot. I went into this book thinking that it would help me combat my own burnout, but that's not the type of book it is. I did learn a lot about cultish mindsets of diet culture and the inner workings of veneers however. With the knowledge that this is a memoir and less of a self-help book, it becomes a far better read. I found myself relating heavily to what Caroline was saying, especially as she described some of her disordered eating habits. I'm definitely excited to check out The F*ck It Diet after listening to this book.

*Thank you to Harper Audio for an ALC in exchange for my honest review*

[Tricia · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a book about burnout (aka what it’s marketed as), I’d give it a 1.5 ⭐️. As a memoir or a book about disordered eating, it’s a 3 ⭐️. It’s very easy to read, but I don’t know if I got much value out of it.

[Riley (runtobooks) · Rating 1 out of 5]

i was hoping for a book about how to overcome burnout, but instead we got a wishy-washy memoir of the laundry list of ailments that this writer dealt with over a ten year period, and the implications on her career and life in general. i don't care.

[Reagan Kuennen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really excited to read this because I saw a girl review it online, but I simply did not like it😭 it was just straight up a trauma dump for 2/3 of the book and then the last 1/3 was mid.

[Christa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m a memoir lover and was instantly drawn in by the cover and topics, which are so relevant. Also loved Caroline’s interview on “Tell Me Something True.” I definitely had laugh-out-loud moments and related to to the intensity of the internal experience Caroline seems to have throughout her life. I admire her bravery and willingness to share the reality of her experiences with the world.

A few things that impacted my rating:

- I didn’t step away feeling as though I learned too much that was new. I can see how this book could spark new ways of thinking for many people just beginning their journeys. As a fellow self-help queen and someone living with anxiety and depression and in recovery from eating disorders and alcohol, the deep work I’ve been doing for years already led me to much of this information. I also had read Amanda Montell’s “Cultish” and listened to her podcast, so had already explored the “culty” dynamics of many of these groups and approaches.

- The flow of the content overwhelmed me, leaving me exhausted and wanting to know Caroline on a deeper level, which sounds weird because she shares her personal experiences so openly. It could be because this tone was meant to be fun and lighthearted and not too heavy, but it felt repetitive and as though she never quite figured out how the heck to actually rest even though she talked about it so frequently and seemed to genuinely long for the ability to actually be able to rest and let go. I’m guessing this is just my own personal frustration with myself for having similar thoughts and a way for me to have a peek into how others might react to my experience if they knew every single thought that went through my mind for years.

- The constant use of italics on every page was distracting.