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A Bit of a Stretch: The Diaries of a Prisoner
A shocking and darkly funny account of the reality of Britain's prisons.
Where can a tin of tuna buy you clean clothes? Which British education system struggles with 50% illiteracy? Where do teetotal Muslims attend AA meetings? Where is it easier to get 'spice' than paracetamol? Where does self-harm barely raise an eyebrow?
Welcome to Her Majesty's Prison Service, a creaking and surreal world that has been left to rot for decades in the shadows of polite society. Like most people, documentary-maker Chris Atkins didn't spend much time thinking about prisons. But after becoming embroiled in a dodgy scheme to fund his latest film, he was sent down for five years. His new home would be HMP Wandsworth, one of the oldest, largest, and most dysfunctional prisons in Europe.
Horrifying, moving, and darkly funny, this is the unvarnished depiction of what he found. With a cast of characters ranging from wily drug dealers to corrupt screws to senior officials bent on endless (and fruitless) reform, this is the reality behind the locked gates. Full of incredible and hilarious stories, A Bit of a Stretch reveals the true scale of our prison crisis and why it is costing us all.
Where can a tin of tuna buy you clean clothes? Which British education system struggles with 50% illiteracy? Where do teetotal Muslims attend AA meetings? Where is it easier to get 'spice' than paracetamol? Where does self-harm barely raise an eyebrow?
Welcome to Her Majesty's Prison Service, a creaking and surreal world that has been left to rot for decades in the shadows of polite society. Like most people, documentary-maker Chris Atkins didn't spend much time thinking about prisons. But after becoming embroiled in a dodgy scheme to fund his latest film, he was sent down for five years. His new home would be HMP Wandsworth, one of the oldest, largest, and most dysfunctional prisons in Europe.
Horrifying, moving, and darkly funny, this is the unvarnished depiction of what he found. With a cast of characters ranging from wily drug dealers to corrupt screws to senior officials bent on endless (and fruitless) reform, this is the reality behind the locked gates. Full of incredible and hilarious stories, A Bit of a Stretch reveals the true scale of our prison crisis and why it is costing us all.
406 pages, ebook
First published February 6, 2020
822 people are currently reading
10444 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,013 reviews
December 5, 2020
The author was a major documentary film maker who, with his accountant set up a tax scam to fund his filmmaking. The sad thing is that he got 5 years for which he was grateful - he'd expected more. The average sentence in the UK for a man killing his wife is 2 to 6 years. I also read Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing where the author, Ted Conover, is a journalist who goes undercover and becomes a prison guard. The authors should get together and make a film.
I've read quite a few books on life in prison. This one had nothing new to say, but said it in great detail (they all do) because he had nothing better to do. I learned two things from this book. One, sign up for every course going, it looks good and may help get you promoted from a filthy cell to a really good block with decent mattresses. The other thing was ass-licking. Be helpful and submissive to everyone with any power at all to get you into the really good block. Don't worry about your dignity, it's not worth as much as a good night's sleep and a clean potty to shit in.
The writing is what saved the book from being yet another prison memoir, the humour and lack of rancour (he felt he deserved his sentence) and the ability to make friends with all kinds of people. I suspect some of the friendship was storing up characters and stories for future films.
I'm sorry he went to prison at all. There has to be some better way of punishing people that have offended society, broken laws, but are not threats to individuals or our way of life. Maybe instead of prison, 5 years of community service living in supervised accommodation and using their skills for the good.
I've read quite a few books on life in prison. This one had nothing new to say, but said it in great detail (they all do) because he had nothing better to do. I learned two things from this book. One, sign up for every course going, it looks good and may help get you promoted from a filthy cell to a really good block with decent mattresses. The other thing was ass-licking. Be helpful and submissive to everyone with any power at all to get you into the really good block. Don't worry about your dignity, it's not worth as much as a good night's sleep and a clean potty to shit in.
The writing is what saved the book from being yet another prison memoir, the humour and lack of rancour (he felt he deserved his sentence) and the ability to make friends with all kinds of people. I suspect some of the friendship was storing up characters and stories for future films.
I'm sorry he went to prison at all. There has to be some better way of punishing people that have offended society, broken laws, but are not threats to individuals or our way of life. Maybe instead of prison, 5 years of community service living in supervised accommodation and using their skills for the good.
February 24, 2020
Chris Atkins is pretty aggravating, he doesn’t come out of his own memoir well. A white white-collar criminal gets a 5 year sentence meaning he will be serving 2 ½ years inside and the rest out on license. After 9 months in Wandsworth, a tough prison, he gets sent to an open prison.
But more than that, after the total sensory overload horror that is the first few weeks of his time in Wandsworth, Chris floats effortlessly to the top of the internal prison class system.
Yes, at the bottom of the pile we have self-harming drug-smoking illiterates with very few life skills, and at the top we have white white-collar criminals who help to run the prison and therefore get many many privileges not available to the scumbags.
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF LEARNING HAIRDRESSING?
You don’t warm to this guy Chris Atkins much. Unfortunately, the let’s-keep-it-light-and-jokey tone of most of this book lends itself to the easy cynicism about prisons (or offices or politics) you get displayed in every sitcom you ever saw. The boss is always clueless, the screws are only there to screw the system, the comical prisoners dodge and weave and pull fast ones and smoke a lot. (See Yes, Minister, The Thick of It, Porridge, The Office, and so on.) Cynicism does seem to be the only sensible response, but it kinda gets wearing.
The jolly jokiness constantly crashes into the horrible pain that prison often is. Chris does not flinch from describing the awful misery of many prisoners, but the flippancy and well-what-would-you-expect this-is-like-a-Samuel-Beckett-play is never far below the surface. Here’s an example. Chris is here going from cell to cell to get prisoners to sign up to do courses to improve their skills. Here is one such attempt :
Hello, Mr, er, Gnhebdbi. Would you be interested in doing any courses during your stay?
GIMME BURN, PLEASE, I BEG YOU!
I don’t actually smoke, but if you look at this leaflet…
GO NUMBER 3-16, MAN OWES ME EIGHT-BALL INNIT. GET IT FOR ME, BRUV!
I’m not allowed to pass things between cells.
GET THAT FUCKING RICE OR I’LL FUCK YOU UP YOU GOT ME!
Have you thought about learning hairdressing? You’ll score loads of spice there.
WHY ARE PRISONS SO BAD
Rich people who wanted to get richer caused the banking crisis of 2007/8. In the UK the government had to spend billions propping up the banks, so they had a mountain of debt they didn’t have before. This gave us “austerity”, where the government cut funding of many public services to the bone. Prison staff and mental health services were cut.
Staff shortages in a prison like Wandsworth leads directly to 23 hour bang-up – you can guess this means prisoners locked in cells for 23 hours per day.
This leads to the highest ever prison suicide rate (119 in 2016) and an epidemic of self-harming incidents.
50% of prisoners have mental health problems, many severe. They should be somewhere other than a prison.
50% are functionally illiterate. Why that could possibly be in a country like the UK is a whole other question.
There are some prisoners who have a) a mental illness, b) a drug addiction and c) no English. You’d have to say these guys are up shit creek without a paddle.
HOLIDAY CAMPS AND HELLHOLES
There are two common views of modern prisons – that they’re holiday camps and that they’re hellholes. Both are true. Chris is at pains to say the holiday camp idea is complete bollocks.
Most prisoners preferred to read The Sun, the Daily Star or the Daily Mirror. The popularity of these tabloids was surprising, given that they all printed nonsense about prisons being too cushy:
JAILS TO GET EVEN SOFTER; EXPOSED – PRISONERS PARTYING ON DRUGS, VODKA AND FAST FOOD. This false narrative fostered a public perception that the prisoners were all living the life of Riley… By 2017 violence, suicides and self harm were at record levels, but the tabloids still perpetuated the myth that prison was an easy ride.
But on another page he describes how he stumbled over the ritziest cells in Wandsworth :
I had no idea this place existed even when I lived on this wing. It’s the Wandsworth equivalent of a members’ club, and even has a private door to keep out the riff raff. … Their den is replete with all mod cons, including a toaster, sandwich maker and even a George Foreman grill. On the wall is a large flat-screen telly, and they’re always watching the latest series and movies
And later
I ask to start a psychology module… I soon receive an exciting cardboard box from the Open University containing several thick study guides, four textbooks and a DVD.
POLYTHEISM IN PRISON
In order to get out of 23-hour bang-up prisoners converted to religion, or rather, religions, simultaneously identifying as Muslim, Catholic, Hindu and Protestant so they could attend all the various services. There was no objection to this polytheism as the religious leaders taking the services were paid , it was thought, per head, and no one wished to rock the boat.
HOW TO STRANGLE A GOOD IDEA
Chris describes the governor of Wandsworth inventing a new progressive scheme to get a select group of prisoners to do basic admin duties to free up prison officers so the prisoners did not have to be banged up for 23 hours. But the Prison Officers Union objected to prisoners taking work away from their members. So they refused to participate and the new scheme never got off the ground. The governor is so far removed from daily life in his own prison that he does not know the scheme has not started yet. The politicians listen to the details of the scheme and love it. They announce it to the public as a bold new initiative.
This illustrates the difficulty in effectively scrutinising prisons. Everyone who could contradict the governor’s testimony either works for him or is behind bars.
HOW DO DRUGS GET INTO PRISONS
From drones (the government’s preferred theory)
From the orifices of wives and girlfriends to the orifices of their imprisoned partners
From bent screws
THE S WORD
On p310 the S word emerges, as I could have predicted
Swedish prisons are humane and fair, and focus on educating and rehabilitating offenders rather than fixating on punishment. It’s led t a huge drop in reoffending, and the closure of many prisons
I have dealt with this constant use of the S word in my review of Let the Right One In by John Lindqvist so I will only say here – SWEDEN! AGAIN!!
UNREHABILITATED
It seems like if Chris were here he would say his own book is yet another chunk of well-meaning liberal rage that will have zero effect except to titillate other liberals like myself. Aside from that, shrugs all round, sad shaking of heads and a generalised embarrassed muttering of well, what can you do.
But more than that, after the total sensory overload horror that is the first few weeks of his time in Wandsworth, Chris floats effortlessly to the top of the internal prison class system.
Yes, at the bottom of the pile we have self-harming drug-smoking illiterates with very few life skills, and at the top we have white white-collar criminals who help to run the prison and therefore get many many privileges not available to the scumbags.
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF LEARNING HAIRDRESSING?
You don’t warm to this guy Chris Atkins much. Unfortunately, the let’s-keep-it-light-and-jokey tone of most of this book lends itself to the easy cynicism about prisons (or offices or politics) you get displayed in every sitcom you ever saw. The boss is always clueless, the screws are only there to screw the system, the comical prisoners dodge and weave and pull fast ones and smoke a lot. (See Yes, Minister, The Thick of It, Porridge, The Office, and so on.) Cynicism does seem to be the only sensible response, but it kinda gets wearing.
The jolly jokiness constantly crashes into the horrible pain that prison often is. Chris does not flinch from describing the awful misery of many prisoners, but the flippancy and well-what-would-you-expect this-is-like-a-Samuel-Beckett-play is never far below the surface. Here’s an example. Chris is here going from cell to cell to get prisoners to sign up to do courses to improve their skills. Here is one such attempt :
Hello, Mr, er, Gnhebdbi. Would you be interested in doing any courses during your stay?
GIMME BURN, PLEASE, I BEG YOU!
I don’t actually smoke, but if you look at this leaflet…
GO NUMBER 3-16, MAN OWES ME EIGHT-BALL INNIT. GET IT FOR ME, BRUV!
I’m not allowed to pass things between cells.
GET THAT FUCKING RICE OR I’LL FUCK YOU UP YOU GOT ME!
Have you thought about learning hairdressing? You’ll score loads of spice there.
WHY ARE PRISONS SO BAD
Rich people who wanted to get richer caused the banking crisis of 2007/8. In the UK the government had to spend billions propping up the banks, so they had a mountain of debt they didn’t have before. This gave us “austerity”, where the government cut funding of many public services to the bone. Prison staff and mental health services were cut.
Staff shortages in a prison like Wandsworth leads directly to 23 hour bang-up – you can guess this means prisoners locked in cells for 23 hours per day.
This leads to the highest ever prison suicide rate (119 in 2016) and an epidemic of self-harming incidents.
50% of prisoners have mental health problems, many severe. They should be somewhere other than a prison.
50% are functionally illiterate. Why that could possibly be in a country like the UK is a whole other question.
There are some prisoners who have a) a mental illness, b) a drug addiction and c) no English. You’d have to say these guys are up shit creek without a paddle.
HOLIDAY CAMPS AND HELLHOLES
There are two common views of modern prisons – that they’re holiday camps and that they’re hellholes. Both are true. Chris is at pains to say the holiday camp idea is complete bollocks.
Most prisoners preferred to read The Sun, the Daily Star or the Daily Mirror. The popularity of these tabloids was surprising, given that they all printed nonsense about prisons being too cushy:
JAILS TO GET EVEN SOFTER; EXPOSED – PRISONERS PARTYING ON DRUGS, VODKA AND FAST FOOD. This false narrative fostered a public perception that the prisoners were all living the life of Riley… By 2017 violence, suicides and self harm were at record levels, but the tabloids still perpetuated the myth that prison was an easy ride.
But on another page he describes how he stumbled over the ritziest cells in Wandsworth :
I had no idea this place existed even when I lived on this wing. It’s the Wandsworth equivalent of a members’ club, and even has a private door to keep out the riff raff. … Their den is replete with all mod cons, including a toaster, sandwich maker and even a George Foreman grill. On the wall is a large flat-screen telly, and they’re always watching the latest series and movies
And later
I ask to start a psychology module… I soon receive an exciting cardboard box from the Open University containing several thick study guides, four textbooks and a DVD.
POLYTHEISM IN PRISON
In order to get out of 23-hour bang-up prisoners converted to religion, or rather, religions, simultaneously identifying as Muslim, Catholic, Hindu and Protestant so they could attend all the various services. There was no objection to this polytheism as the religious leaders taking the services were paid , it was thought, per head, and no one wished to rock the boat.
HOW TO STRANGLE A GOOD IDEA
Chris describes the governor of Wandsworth inventing a new progressive scheme to get a select group of prisoners to do basic admin duties to free up prison officers so the prisoners did not have to be banged up for 23 hours. But the Prison Officers Union objected to prisoners taking work away from their members. So they refused to participate and the new scheme never got off the ground. The governor is so far removed from daily life in his own prison that he does not know the scheme has not started yet. The politicians listen to the details of the scheme and love it. They announce it to the public as a bold new initiative.
This illustrates the difficulty in effectively scrutinising prisons. Everyone who could contradict the governor’s testimony either works for him or is behind bars.
HOW DO DRUGS GET INTO PRISONS
From drones (the government’s preferred theory)
From the orifices of wives and girlfriends to the orifices of their imprisoned partners
From bent screws
THE S WORD
On p310 the S word emerges, as I could have predicted
Swedish prisons are humane and fair, and focus on educating and rehabilitating offenders rather than fixating on punishment. It’s led t a huge drop in reoffending, and the closure of many prisons
I have dealt with this constant use of the S word in my review of Let the Right One In by John Lindqvist so I will only say here – SWEDEN! AGAIN!!
UNREHABILITATED
It seems like if Chris were here he would say his own book is yet another chunk of well-meaning liberal rage that will have zero effect except to titillate other liberals like myself. Aside from that, shrugs all round, sad shaking of heads and a generalised embarrassed muttering of well, what can you do.
December 1, 2021
This is the best book I've read so far in 2021, and the year is almost over.
The author is a film-maker, who fiddled the taxes on one of his films, and was caught doing so. He ended up in Wandsworth Prison for about 9 months, at a time which proved to an all time low for the prison. Later on he was moved to an open prison. He is both outstandingly observant and also very funny, and kept a diary of his experiences of prison life. I read the book zig-zagging between roaring with laughter at some of the ridiculous incidents he describes, and feeling deep horror at the quality of life in Wandsworth for most of the prisoners there. I found this combination of laughter and shockingness made for compulsive reading, and I valued the fact I was learning about issues first hand. The book is also punctuated with boxes of statistics gleaned from government records and other agencies, so personal experience is balanced with the broader picture.
There is a sort of hierarchy in the prison: you start out on the lowest rungs of the ladder and work your way up the longer you stay there. Aitkins was fast-tracked upwards, as his competence and reliability were valued by the guards, who were horrendously short staffed. He ended up doing about five voluntary jobs, which put him in touch with various aspects of prison life. He was fairly quickly moved into the white collar crime part of the prison (not an official designation, but rather a place for those whose education and skills helped them rise to the top of prison society.) Whilst some of the prisoners in Wandsworth were seriously scary and formidable, he bizarrely ended up sharing a cell with Martyn Dodgson, an ex managing director of Deutche Bank who was incarcerated for fraud . Dodgson became a great friend.
There are organisations trying to help prisoners in Wandsworth, but often their efforts were stifled. More than anything this was due to staff shortages. Sometimes prisoners had to be locked up in their cells for as much as 23 hours a day - meaning that outside initiatives couldn't be accessed. They couldn't go to classes or workshops. "Instead they smoke spice and watch Cash in the Attic" The one organisation that did seem to make a really positive difference was The Samaritans. They trained some of the prisoners (including the author), to become 'listeners' to those who were feeling distressed. Mental health issues in prisons are hugely problematic - some think that as many as 50% of prisoners have psychological problems, and many of them are not addressed. Of course The Samaritans scheme could only approach this at a most basic level, but I felt it made a difference.
One of the things the book mentions was the number of people who are upset by what they feel are unfair sentences, for instance a career paedophile who molested eight boys was only given 16 months. Aitkins however wholly accepted the justice of his sentence. He'd evaded paying £100,000 in taxes. He was sentenced to 5 years in prison (these sentences are routinely halved, so he served 2.5 years), and had to pay the courts £100,000 for the financial benefits he had accrued from his crime and a further £100,000 for the cost of his court case. As a result he had to sell his house. I felt that he paid fairly for his wrongs.
All in all I found this a gripping and compulsive read, and for me it was really enlightening.
I shall end with my usual collection of notes
The author is a film-maker, who fiddled the taxes on one of his films, and was caught doing so. He ended up in Wandsworth Prison for about 9 months, at a time which proved to an all time low for the prison. Later on he was moved to an open prison. He is both outstandingly observant and also very funny, and kept a diary of his experiences of prison life. I read the book zig-zagging between roaring with laughter at some of the ridiculous incidents he describes, and feeling deep horror at the quality of life in Wandsworth for most of the prisoners there. I found this combination of laughter and shockingness made for compulsive reading, and I valued the fact I was learning about issues first hand. The book is also punctuated with boxes of statistics gleaned from government records and other agencies, so personal experience is balanced with the broader picture.
There is a sort of hierarchy in the prison: you start out on the lowest rungs of the ladder and work your way up the longer you stay there. Aitkins was fast-tracked upwards, as his competence and reliability were valued by the guards, who were horrendously short staffed. He ended up doing about five voluntary jobs, which put him in touch with various aspects of prison life. He was fairly quickly moved into the white collar crime part of the prison (not an official designation, but rather a place for those whose education and skills helped them rise to the top of prison society.) Whilst some of the prisoners in Wandsworth were seriously scary and formidable, he bizarrely ended up sharing a cell with Martyn Dodgson, an ex managing director of Deutche Bank who was incarcerated for fraud . Dodgson became a great friend.
There are organisations trying to help prisoners in Wandsworth, but often their efforts were stifled. More than anything this was due to staff shortages. Sometimes prisoners had to be locked up in their cells for as much as 23 hours a day - meaning that outside initiatives couldn't be accessed. They couldn't go to classes or workshops. "Instead they smoke spice and watch Cash in the Attic" The one organisation that did seem to make a really positive difference was The Samaritans. They trained some of the prisoners (including the author), to become 'listeners' to those who were feeling distressed. Mental health issues in prisons are hugely problematic - some think that as many as 50% of prisoners have psychological problems, and many of them are not addressed. Of course The Samaritans scheme could only approach this at a most basic level, but I felt it made a difference.
One of the things the book mentions was the number of people who are upset by what they feel are unfair sentences, for instance a career paedophile who molested eight boys was only given 16 months. Aitkins however wholly accepted the justice of his sentence. He'd evaded paying £100,000 in taxes. He was sentenced to 5 years in prison (these sentences are routinely halved, so he served 2.5 years), and had to pay the courts £100,000 for the financial benefits he had accrued from his crime and a further £100,000 for the cost of his court case. As a result he had to sell his house. I felt that he paid fairly for his wrongs.
All in all I found this a gripping and compulsive read, and for me it was really enlightening.
I shall end with my usual collection of notes
January 12, 2020
4 fascinating stars
A Bit of a Stretch is a brutally honest and horrifying account of the author's time spent in one of the worst prisons in the UK.Chris Atkins was sentenced to 5 years in prison for tax evasion and kept a diary during his time in Wandsworth prison. Initially I had mixed feelings about reading a book written by a convict, but in the end my curiosity got the better of me. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. Atkins is very open about his crime and admits he broke the law and believes he got what he deserved. In his book he describes the horrible conditions in the prison, the inefficiency with which prisons are run and also the ridiculous bureaucracy and red tape prisoners must face, often being caught in impossible catch 22 situations.
There were a lot of things mentioned in the book I kind of knew from movies and TV shows, but some things were completely new to me. What I found the most interesting and admirable was the 'Listener scheme' run by a UK charity called Samaritans. Under the scheme selected prisoners are trained to provide emotional support to their fellow inmates. The scheme's primary objective is to reduce suicide and self-harm of prisoners which is unfortunately very common. The author describes his journey of becoming a listener and the support he was able to offer to more vulnerable prisoners.
Despite the seriousness of the topic, the book is full of dark humour moments that will make you laugh and cry at the same time.If like me, you find life behind the bars intriguing (not that I would ever want to experience it!) then I would 100% recommend this book.
Many thanks to Atlantic Books for my review copy in exchange for an honest review.
A Bit of a Stretch is a brutally honest and horrifying account of the author's time spent in one of the worst prisons in the UK.Chris Atkins was sentenced to 5 years in prison for tax evasion and kept a diary during his time in Wandsworth prison. Initially I had mixed feelings about reading a book written by a convict, but in the end my curiosity got the better of me. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. Atkins is very open about his crime and admits he broke the law and believes he got what he deserved. In his book he describes the horrible conditions in the prison, the inefficiency with which prisons are run and also the ridiculous bureaucracy and red tape prisoners must face, often being caught in impossible catch 22 situations.
There were a lot of things mentioned in the book I kind of knew from movies and TV shows, but some things were completely new to me. What I found the most interesting and admirable was the 'Listener scheme' run by a UK charity called Samaritans. Under the scheme selected prisoners are trained to provide emotional support to their fellow inmates. The scheme's primary objective is to reduce suicide and self-harm of prisoners which is unfortunately very common. The author describes his journey of becoming a listener and the support he was able to offer to more vulnerable prisoners.
Despite the seriousness of the topic, the book is full of dark humour moments that will make you laugh and cry at the same time.If like me, you find life behind the bars intriguing (not that I would ever want to experience it!) then I would 100% recommend this book.
Many thanks to Atlantic Books for my review copy in exchange for an honest review.
January 21, 2020
Outstanding!
Chris Atkins, a former film producer, including making films for Dispatches ( Ch4 ) is sentenced to 5 years for ( in simple terms ) a money/tax fraud, that although he didn’t benefit from personally his company did and he was ‘aware’ of, he freely admits his crime and punishment
The book, is in diary form,pre trial, trial and the bulk of about his time in Wandsworth Prison, what he see’s, hears, experiences and his many feelings about it all but this is no self pity party, quite the opposite in fact, it is an ‘all in’ look at his life 24/7 whilst there, bad, really bad and the worst and yes also the good
I found it honest, horrifying, emotive, it challenged me and my ‘view’ on prisons and prisoners, upsetting and at times hilarious ( I really did LOL quite a lot ) poignant and touching
The writing, as authors can do when writing in diary form, seems to be personal and as if written just for you and I felt I was there living this, often, nightmare with him
I liked that the chapters started with bullet points to whet your appetite about what was going to happen in the chapter and that throughout the book ( often serious ) points re Mental Health issues, staffing, re-offending etc were dealt with in factual ways ( so you got the authors experience then the facts to back that up ) but have to stress NOT in a clinical boring way but in a way to reach all readers and make you ponder and think ( often quite shocking factual information )
I enjoyed learning all the in’s and out’s of how prison life works and how prisoners adapt if they are to survive ( literally )
I loved the at times self effacing commentary and the way the author acknowledged he ( even in these circumstances ) was privileged and one of the reasons being he didn’t have a drug problem as many do in prison
The book includes the quote ‘ he was so middle class he had a Waitrose tattoo’ ( about a fellow prisoner ) which immediately goes into my favourite quotes
You can probably tell I loved this book, its a book you could say has ‘affected’ me and I could go on for a long time about it but suffice to say it was a wonderfully enlightening read and as perfect as a book can be
Please read it!
10/10
5 Stars
February 16, 2020
Chris Atkins was sentenced for a stretch of 5 years for tax fraud, he spent around 2 years in prison and 9 of those months in the notorious HMP Wandsworth.
Atkins is a documentary maker and writer which puts him in an ideal position to confidently convey his experiences to his audience - and this he does extremely well.
He highlights the deficiencies in our penal system, and none of these really come as a surprise. Staffing levels of prison guards (screws), stifling bureaucracy and mismanagement rate very high on the list. The staffing levels issue really is a primary cause of why inmates spend 24 hours a day in their cells (lockdown) and this obviously contributes to poor mental health outcomes, lack of access to education and also minimal socialisation. All of this considering many or most prisoners are 'damaged' in some way on arrival.
There are no real surprises here, but it is interestjng to read these experiences from someone first hand.
I did expect more though. Maybe, quite obviously, I found this book repetitive. But then again of course a diary story of someone in prison will be repetitive. Also, It wasn't funny to me at all. As we know humour can arise from the darkest of places, but Atkins was unable to convey potentially funny anecdotes effectively. This was a shame. Note: The cover did say this book was darkly funny.
The main theme in my mind after reading this book, and the worry I have is - our current system is punishing people and not rehabilitating them at all. Also seems those in the most need of help spend most of their time locked up in their cells, and those who are already more educated, intelligent, socially adjusted etc - are provided with the most opportunities. In my view, this is the greatest shame of all.
Overall a solid 3 star book, and one many people will find interesting.
3 Stars
Atkins is a documentary maker and writer which puts him in an ideal position to confidently convey his experiences to his audience - and this he does extremely well.
He highlights the deficiencies in our penal system, and none of these really come as a surprise. Staffing levels of prison guards (screws), stifling bureaucracy and mismanagement rate very high on the list. The staffing levels issue really is a primary cause of why inmates spend 24 hours a day in their cells (lockdown) and this obviously contributes to poor mental health outcomes, lack of access to education and also minimal socialisation. All of this considering many or most prisoners are 'damaged' in some way on arrival.
There are no real surprises here, but it is interestjng to read these experiences from someone first hand.
I did expect more though. Maybe, quite obviously, I found this book repetitive. But then again of course a diary story of someone in prison will be repetitive. Also, It wasn't funny to me at all. As we know humour can arise from the darkest of places, but Atkins was unable to convey potentially funny anecdotes effectively. This was a shame. Note: The cover did say this book was darkly funny.
The main theme in my mind after reading this book, and the worry I have is - our current system is punishing people and not rehabilitating them at all. Also seems those in the most need of help spend most of their time locked up in their cells, and those who are already more educated, intelligent, socially adjusted etc - are provided with the most opportunities. In my view, this is the greatest shame of all.
Overall a solid 3 star book, and one many people will find interesting.
3 Stars
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March 14, 2026Source of book: KU
Relevant disclaimers: None
Please note: This review may not be reproduced or quoted, in whole or in part, without explicit consent from the author.
And remember: I am not here to judge your drag, I mean your book. Books are art and art is subjective. These are just my personal thoughts. They are not meant to be taken as broader commentary on the general quality of the work. Believe me, I have not enjoyed many an excellent book, and my individual lack of enjoyment has not made any of those books less excellent or (more relevantly) less successful.
***
Another of the books I picked up in order to help me with my volunteer work.
Unlike the last book I read on the prison system, which was written by someone who worked in prisons, this one by someone who actually went to prison. Atkins, as far as I understand it, is/was a well-regarded documentary film maker who was given five years in prison due to having semi-accidentally funded his last film in a fraudulent way.
This book comprises what I assume are edited versions of the diaries he kept while in prison (he spent the first part of his sentence in HMP Wandsworth, a category B prison, before being transferred to an open prison), some broader context about how prisons work (or, more to the point, don’t work) and the transcripts of some of his interviews with prisoners. For a book about, you know, being incarcerated, it’s fairly easy-going. While it’s clear Atkins suffers a great deal of emotional distress, particularly due to being separated from his infant son, he’s never self-pitying and mostly focuses on the deep non-functionality of the system--often through a darkly humorous lens.
One of the few emotional dimensions that Atkins communications very clearly is the heightened stakes everything acquires while in prison--that sense of everything being either wildly elating or the depth of despair--and the way the randomness, the helplessness, the constant bureaucratic and governmental incompetence further intensifies that perpetual sense of psychological instability. As for the bureaucratic and governmental incompetence, I don’t think I’ve ever had need of the word kafkaesque before, but holy shit, do I now. I think I understood this on a sort of general level but I had no idea of the sheer extremity of it all, nor to the degree to which there is almost no effective oversight of prisons since, as Atkins put it, “could contradict [the governor’s] testimony either works for him or is behind bars”.
The other thing that Atkins makes very clear is that, despite having survived the loss of his liberty in conditions most of would flinch from, he is--in many ways--a very fortunate prisoner. He’s white, educated, drug-free, suffers from no mental health issues, and had a lot of support on the outside, including, most importantly, a life to return to. The latter part of his time in Wandsworth is spent safely within the “white collar club” - prisoners with a similar amount of privilege, familiar with the system, and able to exploit it, at least to the extent it can be exploited. For example, one of Atkins’ friends has invented an entire system to allow him to move freely about the wings at weekends:
And, don’t get me wrong. I have no issues with any of this because a) it’s ingenious and b) if systems are unjust and unfit for purpose--which Atkins book makes clear, nearly everything in prison is--then we can’t expect people to engage with them in good faith. But none of the people I personally interact with have either the opportunity or the capacity to even begin to make these broken system work for them. They’re already too fucked by those systems. Again, I appreciate how careful Atkins is highlight his own privilege but there’s an extent to which the people in the background his book are the people whose lives and experiences I need to know more about.
Though that, of course, is purely personal. The book itself, taken on its own terms, is surely very good.
Relevant disclaimers: None
Please note: This review may not be reproduced or quoted, in whole or in part, without explicit consent from the author.
And remember: I am not here to judge your drag, I mean your book. Books are art and art is subjective. These are just my personal thoughts. They are not meant to be taken as broader commentary on the general quality of the work. Believe me, I have not enjoyed many an excellent book, and my individual lack of enjoyment has not made any of those books less excellent or (more relevantly) less successful.
***
Another of the books I picked up in order to help me with my volunteer work.
Unlike the last book I read on the prison system, which was written by someone who worked in prisons, this one by someone who actually went to prison. Atkins, as far as I understand it, is/was a well-regarded documentary film maker who was given five years in prison due to having semi-accidentally funded his last film in a fraudulent way.
This book comprises what I assume are edited versions of the diaries he kept while in prison (he spent the first part of his sentence in HMP Wandsworth, a category B prison, before being transferred to an open prison), some broader context about how prisons work (or, more to the point, don’t work) and the transcripts of some of his interviews with prisoners. For a book about, you know, being incarcerated, it’s fairly easy-going. While it’s clear Atkins suffers a great deal of emotional distress, particularly due to being separated from his infant son, he’s never self-pitying and mostly focuses on the deep non-functionality of the system--often through a darkly humorous lens.
One of the few emotional dimensions that Atkins communications very clearly is the heightened stakes everything acquires while in prison--that sense of everything being either wildly elating or the depth of despair--and the way the randomness, the helplessness, the constant bureaucratic and governmental incompetence further intensifies that perpetual sense of psychological instability. As for the bureaucratic and governmental incompetence, I don’t think I’ve ever had need of the word kafkaesque before, but holy shit, do I now. I think I understood this on a sort of general level but I had no idea of the sheer extremity of it all, nor to the degree to which there is almost no effective oversight of prisons since, as Atkins put it, “could contradict [the governor’s] testimony either works for him or is behind bars”.
The other thing that Atkins makes very clear is that, despite having survived the loss of his liberty in conditions most of would flinch from, he is--in many ways--a very fortunate prisoner. He’s white, educated, drug-free, suffers from no mental health issues, and had a lot of support on the outside, including, most importantly, a life to return to. The latter part of his time in Wandsworth is spent safely within the “white collar club” - prisoners with a similar amount of privilege, familiar with the system, and able to exploit it, at least to the extent it can be exploited. For example, one of Atkins’ friends has invented an entire system to allow him to move freely about the wings at weekends:
‘P2P is anything we want it to be. My kids are in Australia, and I used to have a nightmare calling home because of the time difference. I was only getting out to use the phone in S and Ds, which was in the middle of the night in Melbourne. So I invented a prisoner support scheme. Since Trinity is full of guys who can’t even spell their own names, I offered to go round G and K wings and help inmates fill in general apps. Crucially, I said that we had to do it at weekends. I called it Peer to Peer, or P2P, gave it a crappy logo and pitched it to Governor Yeti. He bought into it completely.’
Scott now has bulletproof permission to get unlocked on weekend mornings, when the rest of Trinity is banged up. He always knocks on a few doors and fills out a couple of apps, just to keep the cover going. ‘Every month Yeti asks me for an update. I give him a full presentation, using a load of bullshit management terms, and he laps it up. That guy is such an underachiever.’
And, don’t get me wrong. I have no issues with any of this because a) it’s ingenious and b) if systems are unjust and unfit for purpose--which Atkins book makes clear, nearly everything in prison is--then we can’t expect people to engage with them in good faith. But none of the people I personally interact with have either the opportunity or the capacity to even begin to make these broken system work for them. They’re already too fucked by those systems. Again, I appreciate how careful Atkins is highlight his own privilege but there’s an extent to which the people in the background his book are the people whose lives and experiences I need to know more about.
Though that, of course, is purely personal. The book itself, taken on its own terms, is surely very good.
May 3, 2021
3.5 stars
“The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.” Dostoevsky
Written with insight, (much needed) humour and a healthy dose of reality check.
Chris Atkins, a professional film maker ends up behind bars for a crime he committed. Yep unlike most convicts he is honest about his mistakes as well as the lessons learned in the 2 1/2 years he served his sentence.
Don’t expect just salacious, violent, disturbing stories of life behind bars. This feels like a much more grounded-in-reality story. There are sections that left me sad and frustrated on behalf of the prisoners (shock gasp) because let’s face it not every person behind bars is the personification of Satan.
In a broken system where the rules do not make sense you have to find a way through the cracks.
So, if you ever find yourself in a UK prison, there are a few tips to make life bearable. One of which is to sign up for everything, and I mean everything. That’s why, in Wandsworth, the majority of attendees for AA meetings were teetotal Muslims.
I found the concept of the Listeners fascinating. This is a buddy-system where selected (and mostly very poorly trained) prisoners will be on call to listen and talk to others that are either self-harming, at breaking point or completely off their heads (and meds).
As with all prisons there are two main things that hold back real progress:
1) Those in authority only doing what will get them ahead by playing the political game
2) The public’s skewed perception of what really goes on in prisons and the general attitude of “out of sight out of mind”
Because I am not a UK citizen there were sections that I found completely irrelevant and others where local references were lost on me, but the general gist of a broken system that never results in true reform is universal.
I have found it increasingly difficult in the past few months to get books that can hold my attention but this one did a stellar job, so I have rounded up my rating because of it.
“The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.” Dostoevsky
Written with insight, (much needed) humour and a healthy dose of reality check.
Chris Atkins, a professional film maker ends up behind bars for a crime he committed. Yep unlike most convicts he is honest about his mistakes as well as the lessons learned in the 2 1/2 years he served his sentence.
Don’t expect just salacious, violent, disturbing stories of life behind bars. This feels like a much more grounded-in-reality story. There are sections that left me sad and frustrated on behalf of the prisoners (shock gasp) because let’s face it not every person behind bars is the personification of Satan.
In a broken system where the rules do not make sense you have to find a way through the cracks.
So, if you ever find yourself in a UK prison, there are a few tips to make life bearable. One of which is to sign up for everything, and I mean everything. That’s why, in Wandsworth, the majority of attendees for AA meetings were teetotal Muslims.
I found the concept of the Listeners fascinating. This is a buddy-system where selected (and mostly very poorly trained) prisoners will be on call to listen and talk to others that are either self-harming, at breaking point or completely off their heads (and meds).
As with all prisons there are two main things that hold back real progress:
1) Those in authority only doing what will get them ahead by playing the political game
2) The public’s skewed perception of what really goes on in prisons and the general attitude of “out of sight out of mind”
Because I am not a UK citizen there were sections that I found completely irrelevant and others where local references were lost on me, but the general gist of a broken system that never results in true reform is universal.
I have found it increasingly difficult in the past few months to get books that can hold my attention but this one did a stellar job, so I have rounded up my rating because of it.
January 28, 2020
Briefly - Hum... I have mixed views on this. In parts very interesting though.
In full
Chris, the author, was a documentary maker. He became embroiled in a tax scam which led to him being prosecuted. He was sentenced to five years in prison initially in HMP Wandsworth. He decided to keep a diary of his time in prison and this book is the result. It shows at least some of the highs and lows of his time there and of Wandsworth and the prison system generally.
This is one of those books where the publisher's blurb is largely true. Indeed it outlines a number of the events and stories in this book. The fact that Chris is both relatively well educated and has the background of a documentary maker gives this book insights that might not be gained from other writers. The book shows him as a good observer of people and very human. The initial feelings of being separated from his young son and unable to contact people are powerful. During his time in Wandsworth Chris becomes a "Listener", effectively a Samaritan. In this role he sees and deals with some extremely troubled prisoners.
In among the stories of prison life are "asides" about prisons, their regimes and politicians views more generally. A number of these were very interesting indeed. There are many examples I could give - indeed I could fill this review with them. However the best thing would be to think about reading the book yourself if that interests you. That said I will share two or three points that particularly struck me.
I found particularly troubling the story of the Lithuanian teenager. Days before he committed suicide he was seen by a mental nurse but was not allowed a translator. She couldn't understand him and decided he was fit to stay on the block.
There is puzzlement from a Danish academic visiting the prison. He can't understand how it possible to rehabilitate prisoners who are locked up for 23 hours a day.
In his role as a Listener, Chris deals with a teenager who, having tried to hang himself several times, is under observation. The cell he is in has no privacy at all. He is paranoid and schizophrenic. All he has eaten for two days is razor blades. The idea that Chris should get him something in the way of food to eat gets mixed reactions from prison staff!
I did find Chris's reflections on his fellow prisoners one of the interesting parts of this. He becomes friendly with another prisoner who is there for his part in defrauding inexperienced investors through scams. Chris found him a caring person both towards Chris himself and because he was an experienced Listener who had helped many people. The juxtaposition is striking.
As someone who has been a supporter of and interested in prison reform for many years now much of what is in here comes as no surprise to me. However even a small amount of thought would suggest that what is going on in prisons is worrying. There seems little understanding of any objective as far as prisoners are concerned.
The good bits here can be all or any of the following - interesting/troubling/powerful . Some aspects are I found maybe rather more juvenile. It is certainly a valid insight into life in prison or Wandsworth at least. For me however it seemed to become less objective as time goes by and is more self centred. Many people will find this perfectly acceptable and entertaining on some level. However the balance between humour and cutting edge insights is a difficult path to tread and this book did not always succeed in that for me. I would definitely recommend it to anyone with an interest in the subject though.
Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review
https://viewson.org.uk/non-fiction/a-...
In full
Chris, the author, was a documentary maker. He became embroiled in a tax scam which led to him being prosecuted. He was sentenced to five years in prison initially in HMP Wandsworth. He decided to keep a diary of his time in prison and this book is the result. It shows at least some of the highs and lows of his time there and of Wandsworth and the prison system generally.
This is one of those books where the publisher's blurb is largely true. Indeed it outlines a number of the events and stories in this book. The fact that Chris is both relatively well educated and has the background of a documentary maker gives this book insights that might not be gained from other writers. The book shows him as a good observer of people and very human. The initial feelings of being separated from his young son and unable to contact people are powerful. During his time in Wandsworth Chris becomes a "Listener", effectively a Samaritan. In this role he sees and deals with some extremely troubled prisoners.
In among the stories of prison life are "asides" about prisons, their regimes and politicians views more generally. A number of these were very interesting indeed. There are many examples I could give - indeed I could fill this review with them. However the best thing would be to think about reading the book yourself if that interests you. That said I will share two or three points that particularly struck me.
I found particularly troubling the story of the Lithuanian teenager. Days before he committed suicide he was seen by a mental nurse but was not allowed a translator. She couldn't understand him and decided he was fit to stay on the block.
There is puzzlement from a Danish academic visiting the prison. He can't understand how it possible to rehabilitate prisoners who are locked up for 23 hours a day.
In his role as a Listener, Chris deals with a teenager who, having tried to hang himself several times, is under observation. The cell he is in has no privacy at all. He is paranoid and schizophrenic. All he has eaten for two days is razor blades. The idea that Chris should get him something in the way of food to eat gets mixed reactions from prison staff!
I did find Chris's reflections on his fellow prisoners one of the interesting parts of this. He becomes friendly with another prisoner who is there for his part in defrauding inexperienced investors through scams. Chris found him a caring person both towards Chris himself and because he was an experienced Listener who had helped many people. The juxtaposition is striking.
As someone who has been a supporter of and interested in prison reform for many years now much of what is in here comes as no surprise to me. However even a small amount of thought would suggest that what is going on in prisons is worrying. There seems little understanding of any objective as far as prisoners are concerned.
The good bits here can be all or any of the following - interesting/troubling/powerful . Some aspects are I found maybe rather more juvenile. It is certainly a valid insight into life in prison or Wandsworth at least. For me however it seemed to become less objective as time goes by and is more self centred. Many people will find this perfectly acceptable and entertaining on some level. However the balance between humour and cutting edge insights is a difficult path to tread and this book did not always succeed in that for me. I would definitely recommend it to anyone with an interest in the subject though.
Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review
https://viewson.org.uk/non-fiction/a-...
May 20, 2024
4✨
Meticulously captured journals retold in nonfiction novel format, A Bit of a Stretch is Chris Atkins' story, providing a raw and detailed look at a British prison system, particularly one named HMP Wandsworth, through the eyes of a first-time, white collar-type crime offender. Well written, engrossing, and supremely both interesting and frustrating.
If you're a nonfiction fan looking to add a book around prison life to your to-read list, I would recommend this one!
Meticulously captured journals retold in nonfiction novel format, A Bit of a Stretch is Chris Atkins' story, providing a raw and detailed look at a British prison system, particularly one named HMP Wandsworth, through the eyes of a first-time, white collar-type crime offender. Well written, engrossing, and supremely both interesting and frustrating.
If you're a nonfiction fan looking to add a book around prison life to your to-read list, I would recommend this one!
August 16, 2020
Oh no. The author is a middle-class lefty (his words) who reads the Guardian. In the UK these are a nauseating class of people. He is a BAFTA nominated documentary filmmaker that gets done for tax fraud. Oh, the irony. OK. Let’s see how this goes.
Atkins has a five-year sentence. He’ll serve two and a half years. He is a white-collar criminal on his first offence so should be Cat D status which means he should go to an open prison. He will have to do 6 months at Wandsworth first. This is very similar to the experience that John Hoskison had and retells in his book called ‘Inside’. Wandsworth Prison takes some adjustment. That is true British understatement there. Hoskison was inside back in the mid-90’s. Has anything changed in the past two decades? Atkins is lucky that he gets in a cell with Ted who teaches him the ropes as it were. Ted is the kind of person that Atkins would have despised on the outside, the white working-class. He is also able to get to a wing where he is comfortable and has work duties. Hoskison’s treatment was a lot different and a lot harsher. When you compare the two you would say that Atkins time is a lot more agreeable but is this more down to Atkins getting a few lucky breaks?
For all my bristling at the author at the beginning of the book this is really good. He plays up his middle-class bearing which is quite funny. He also understands that because of this he has been given certain privilege’s, but it also comes with a sense of danger as inmates will always look for weakness like any bullies would. You always need to be on your guard.
What comes across blatantly clear is the antiquated management and administration within the prison system. It is like going back to Victorian times. It is so muddled and mis-managed that some prisoners who are set to leave on the date that have been set are then told they have another 6 months to go. The whole system seriously needs an overhaul. Another interesting subject that Atkins goes over is the mental health of the prisoners. It appears that many are disturbed before they get into prison and then the system just chews them up and spits them out either in a casket or to re-offend.
Having someone report properly from inside is enlightening but will it enlighten the government or the prison authority? Will it change anything? The system is broken. The whole administration needs to be brought into the modern world and the money that is being wasted needs to be looked at. Let us hope that this book does indeed do something.
Atkins has a five-year sentence. He’ll serve two and a half years. He is a white-collar criminal on his first offence so should be Cat D status which means he should go to an open prison. He will have to do 6 months at Wandsworth first. This is very similar to the experience that John Hoskison had and retells in his book called ‘Inside’. Wandsworth Prison takes some adjustment. That is true British understatement there. Hoskison was inside back in the mid-90’s. Has anything changed in the past two decades? Atkins is lucky that he gets in a cell with Ted who teaches him the ropes as it were. Ted is the kind of person that Atkins would have despised on the outside, the white working-class. He is also able to get to a wing where he is comfortable and has work duties. Hoskison’s treatment was a lot different and a lot harsher. When you compare the two you would say that Atkins time is a lot more agreeable but is this more down to Atkins getting a few lucky breaks?
For all my bristling at the author at the beginning of the book this is really good. He plays up his middle-class bearing which is quite funny. He also understands that because of this he has been given certain privilege’s, but it also comes with a sense of danger as inmates will always look for weakness like any bullies would. You always need to be on your guard.
What comes across blatantly clear is the antiquated management and administration within the prison system. It is like going back to Victorian times. It is so muddled and mis-managed that some prisoners who are set to leave on the date that have been set are then told they have another 6 months to go. The whole system seriously needs an overhaul. Another interesting subject that Atkins goes over is the mental health of the prisoners. It appears that many are disturbed before they get into prison and then the system just chews them up and spits them out either in a casket or to re-offend.
Having someone report properly from inside is enlightening but will it enlighten the government or the prison authority? Will it change anything? The system is broken. The whole administration needs to be brought into the modern world and the money that is being wasted needs to be looked at. Let us hope that this book does indeed do something.
July 15, 2020
Chris Atkins is a documentary film maker who got embroiled in a dodgy film funding scheme. Whilst he didn’t personally benefit from the fraud, his company did, and so he got sentenced to five years in prison.
The first part of his sentence was spent in Wandsworth Prison and it's a hellish environment. The vast majority of prisoners are either drug addicts and/or mentally disturbed. Many are illiterate too. Being locked in their cells for 23 hours a day does little to ease their suffering or sense of well being, and denies them any opportunities to learn new skills. Not surpringly Britain has the highest prison suicide rates and the highest re-offending rates in Europe. Chris Atkins is a relateable, middle class liberal ill equipped to deal with this hellish existence. His book is a fascinating, really insightful, appalling, sporadically funny, expose of UK prisons. Alas the urgent reform required feels as far away as ever.
Ever wondered how you’d cope in prison? This will give you a very good idea
5/5
More information....
A shocking and darkly funny account of the reality of Britain's prisons.
Where can a tin of tuna buy you clean clothes? Which British education system struggles with 50% illiteracy? Where do teetotal Muslims attend AA meetings? Where is it easier to get 'spice' than paracetamol? Where does self-harm barely raise an eyebrow?
Welcome to Her Majesty's Prison Service, a creaking and surreal world that has been left to rot for decades in the shadows of polite society. Like most people, documentary-maker Chris Atkins didn't spend much time thinking about prisons. But after becoming embroiled in a dodgy scheme to fund his latest film, he was sent down for five years. His new home would be HMP Wandsworth, one of the oldest, largest, and most dysfunctional prisons in Europe.
Horrifying, moving, and darkly funny, this is the unvarnished depiction of what he found. With a cast of characters ranging from wily drug dealers to corrupt screws to senior officials bent on endless (and fruitless) reform, this is the reality behind the locked gates. Full of incredible and hilarious stories, A Bit of a Stretch reveals the true scale of our prison crisis and why it is costing us all.
The first part of his sentence was spent in Wandsworth Prison and it's a hellish environment. The vast majority of prisoners are either drug addicts and/or mentally disturbed. Many are illiterate too. Being locked in their cells for 23 hours a day does little to ease their suffering or sense of well being, and denies them any opportunities to learn new skills. Not surpringly Britain has the highest prison suicide rates and the highest re-offending rates in Europe. Chris Atkins is a relateable, middle class liberal ill equipped to deal with this hellish existence. His book is a fascinating, really insightful, appalling, sporadically funny, expose of UK prisons. Alas the urgent reform required feels as far away as ever.
Ever wondered how you’d cope in prison? This will give you a very good idea
5/5
More information....
A shocking and darkly funny account of the reality of Britain's prisons.
Where can a tin of tuna buy you clean clothes? Which British education system struggles with 50% illiteracy? Where do teetotal Muslims attend AA meetings? Where is it easier to get 'spice' than paracetamol? Where does self-harm barely raise an eyebrow?
Welcome to Her Majesty's Prison Service, a creaking and surreal world that has been left to rot for decades in the shadows of polite society. Like most people, documentary-maker Chris Atkins didn't spend much time thinking about prisons. But after becoming embroiled in a dodgy scheme to fund his latest film, he was sent down for five years. His new home would be HMP Wandsworth, one of the oldest, largest, and most dysfunctional prisons in Europe.
Horrifying, moving, and darkly funny, this is the unvarnished depiction of what he found. With a cast of characters ranging from wily drug dealers to corrupt screws to senior officials bent on endless (and fruitless) reform, this is the reality behind the locked gates. Full of incredible and hilarious stories, A Bit of a Stretch reveals the true scale of our prison crisis and why it is costing us all.
April 18, 2020
The author of this book served time for fraud in Wandsworth Prison in London in 2016 and kept a diary whilst inside.
He has then pulled together highlights of the diary and turned it into this book.
It's really interesting with a combination of hard facts and dark humour.
I have always thought the prison system here is in crisis but this really brought it home.
The author did an excellent job of highlighting the problems whilst acknowledging that his white, middle class, affluent status alleviated some of his suffering inside and that those less fortunate were (are) treated appallingly.
He has then pulled together highlights of the diary and turned it into this book.
It's really interesting with a combination of hard facts and dark humour.
I have always thought the prison system here is in crisis but this really brought it home.
The author did an excellent job of highlighting the problems whilst acknowledging that his white, middle class, affluent status alleviated some of his suffering inside and that those less fortunate were (are) treated appallingly.
March 26, 2020
An exceptionally well written and thoughtful account of life inside one of the UK's most notorious prisons. Chris Atkins was given a five year sentence for his part in a complex tax fraud case, along with several other defendants. As a first time offender, Atkins is dumbfounded to find himself up close and personal with hardened gang members, drug addicts and corrupt prison officers.
This book is so devastatingly honest that I felt I had a front row seat to the cramped and squalid conditions the author describes. Of course, the prison system is in urgent need of reform, both politically and on a frontline basis. What I gathered from reading this book was how little focus is placed on the wellbeing of the prisoner and how much time and money is wastefully thrown down the drain in hiring managers who have never seen the inside of a prison cell to facilitating education classes that have zero attendees because the prisoners are "banged up" for twenty-three hours a day.
Having worked in a prison and being quite well read on the subject, I was still knocked for six at some of the issues that Atkins' highlights in his diaries. Promises that are made by well meaning prison officials are routinely broken, to the overly inflated cost of making a simple phone call (if the prisoner can even have access to one in the first place), to the open drug use which goes unchallenged by officers. However, what hurt me the most to read was how uncaring and downright cruel some members of staff are towards their charges. People in severe mental or physical distress are ignored, locked up and forgotten about. How did we ever let this happen? Atkins is right in saying that, by large, the general public have little time or patience for the welfare of prisoners. This needs to change. Healthcare is a right, and should not be denied to a prisoner based on whether or not a member of staff (medically trained or otherwise) deems it 'not urgent'. As we see in this book, people are dying because of the incompetence of the prison service. What we, societally, are doing is clearly not working. We have one of the highest re-offending rates in the world.
I would give this book a thousand stars if I could. I hope every officer, judge, pen pusher, governor, politician, volunteer, contractor and anyone else in contact with the prison service reads this book.
This book is so devastatingly honest that I felt I had a front row seat to the cramped and squalid conditions the author describes. Of course, the prison system is in urgent need of reform, both politically and on a frontline basis. What I gathered from reading this book was how little focus is placed on the wellbeing of the prisoner and how much time and money is wastefully thrown down the drain in hiring managers who have never seen the inside of a prison cell to facilitating education classes that have zero attendees because the prisoners are "banged up" for twenty-three hours a day.
Having worked in a prison and being quite well read on the subject, I was still knocked for six at some of the issues that Atkins' highlights in his diaries. Promises that are made by well meaning prison officials are routinely broken, to the overly inflated cost of making a simple phone call (if the prisoner can even have access to one in the first place), to the open drug use which goes unchallenged by officers. However, what hurt me the most to read was how uncaring and downright cruel some members of staff are towards their charges. People in severe mental or physical distress are ignored, locked up and forgotten about. How did we ever let this happen? Atkins is right in saying that, by large, the general public have little time or patience for the welfare of prisoners. This needs to change. Healthcare is a right, and should not be denied to a prisoner based on whether or not a member of staff (medically trained or otherwise) deems it 'not urgent'. As we see in this book, people are dying because of the incompetence of the prison service. What we, societally, are doing is clearly not working. We have one of the highest re-offending rates in the world.
I would give this book a thousand stars if I could. I hope every officer, judge, pen pusher, governor, politician, volunteer, contractor and anyone else in contact with the prison service reads this book.
January 5, 2020
Chris Atkins was sentenced to five years for fraud. He tells us about the time he spent in Wandsworth prison in detail. We learn of the monotony of living behind bars. Chris Atkins is a journalist and documentary maker. He decided to keep a diary whilst inside. This is an interesting, eye opening and informative read. If you like true crime you will really e joy this book.
I would like to thank NetGalley, Atlantic Books and the author Chris Atkins for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I would like to thank NetGalley, Atlantic Books and the author Chris Atkins for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
February 5, 2020
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
If there’s one nonfic book you read this year, make it A Bit of a Stretch.
‘Prisons are like holiday camps.’
I thought that too. But no, they really aren’t. UK prisons are broken. Inmates serving their time aren’t rehabilitated, they are simply set up to reoffend.
Shocking, hilarious & heartbreaking.
If there’s one nonfic book you read this year, make it A Bit of a Stretch.
‘Prisons are like holiday camps.’
I thought that too. But no, they really aren’t. UK prisons are broken. Inmates serving their time aren’t rehabilitated, they are simply set up to reoffend.
Shocking, hilarious & heartbreaking.
July 14, 2020
i have a lot of mixed feelings about this book. i did unfortunately, suffer from the main character sympathy syndrome, but i do have to say, i felt that the way atkins described his prison experience just made him some like the privileged, white male that he is.
the actual duration he spends in prison is 2.5 years. during which, he manages to land 'cushy' prison jobs, befriends nice people, and overall manages to hold his own. i will not discount his prison experiences because 1. i have not been incarcerated and 2. his experiences were unique to him and him only.
sometimes the way a bit of a stretch reads like atkins is a tryhard, a self-aggrandising bastard, who somehow got the better end of the stick. maybe he chose to gloss over the (definitely still valid!) uglier aspects of his life in prison and focus on elements that would help his story instead. maybe he had to edit things out for legal reasons. we don't know, and we never will.
it just felt that this novel was not an accurate portrayal of prison because he had a stellar support system, a house to live in after he got released, friends and family who would constantly write to him etc. it makes you wonder about the other people who have no homes, who have no loved ones, who are stuck in the vicious cycle of reoffending simply because they are not capable of pulling themselves out of the rut, and there is nobody to help them. i want to hear their stories, too.
it is definitely an interesting read. i've been on the hunt for first person POV novels about jail/prison experiences after reading the prison doctor by dr amanda brown, and i have zero regrets picking this book up.
the actual duration he spends in prison is 2.5 years. during which, he manages to land 'cushy' prison jobs, befriends nice people, and overall manages to hold his own. i will not discount his prison experiences because 1. i have not been incarcerated and 2. his experiences were unique to him and him only.
sometimes the way a bit of a stretch reads like atkins is a tryhard, a self-aggrandising bastard, who somehow got the better end of the stick. maybe he chose to gloss over the (definitely still valid!) uglier aspects of his life in prison and focus on elements that would help his story instead. maybe he had to edit things out for legal reasons. we don't know, and we never will.
it just felt that this novel was not an accurate portrayal of prison because he had a stellar support system, a house to live in after he got released, friends and family who would constantly write to him etc. it makes you wonder about the other people who have no homes, who have no loved ones, who are stuck in the vicious cycle of reoffending simply because they are not capable of pulling themselves out of the rut, and there is nobody to help them. i want to hear their stories, too.
it is definitely an interesting read. i've been on the hunt for first person POV novels about jail/prison experiences after reading the prison doctor by dr amanda brown, and i have zero regrets picking this book up.
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June 5, 2024I don't rate biographies and memoirs.
Although I found a lot of this memoir, about a man's time spent as a prisoner inside notorious HMP Wandsworth, interesting, I don't think the author came across as particularly likeable. In fact he comes across as very judgemental a lot of the time, particularly to those prisoners from a different social class. Chris Atkinson is very much in the white collar crime camp, and spends the majority of his time around individuals in the prison who committed similar offences. As a result there's a glaring lack of diversity in the stories he tells, and this just further highlights the lack of voice and opportunity minority and lower working class individuals have within the prison environment and outside it. The most interesting chapters were definitely those centered around the Listener programme and the time Atkins takes to highlight the woeful underfunding and lack of mental health resources within prisons.
A very selective insight into life behind bars in the UK prison system, this lacked stories from the vast majority of prisoners experiences but does shine a light on some of the social issues.
Although I found a lot of this memoir, about a man's time spent as a prisoner inside notorious HMP Wandsworth, interesting, I don't think the author came across as particularly likeable. In fact he comes across as very judgemental a lot of the time, particularly to those prisoners from a different social class. Chris Atkinson is very much in the white collar crime camp, and spends the majority of his time around individuals in the prison who committed similar offences. As a result there's a glaring lack of diversity in the stories he tells, and this just further highlights the lack of voice and opportunity minority and lower working class individuals have within the prison environment and outside it. The most interesting chapters were definitely those centered around the Listener programme and the time Atkins takes to highlight the woeful underfunding and lack of mental health resources within prisons.
A very selective insight into life behind bars in the UK prison system, this lacked stories from the vast majority of prisoners experiences but does shine a light on some of the social issues.
November 15, 2019
Chris Atkins is a film maker, with a young son who gets mixed up in a tax avoidance scheme and ends up being sentenced to five years in prison in 2016. A bit of a stretch was informative, insightful and deeply moving.
The prison he is sent to is Wandsworth and definitely is not the holiday camp vibe you often read about and hear in the media.
He keeps diaries throughout his sentence and it proves to be a fantastic read.
Absolutely gripping book that has you so frustrated at times, on the verge of tears and lots of head shaking. The subhuman treatment of prisoners, prisoners committing suicide and how you are almost immediately disadvantaged by your race, social class and education.
Unfortunately like a lot of our other public services we have too much to do without enough money and everything in this Victorian prison is being stretched to the very limit.
I learnt so much from this book, the volume of drugs, officials making mistakes with court cases, plans to increase the already overflowing prisons, no rehabilitation and days without being let out of cells without showers.
Chris is aware that he is privileged middle class, the right health, skin colour and his mental health status allows him to see the reality into the bureaucracy of prison life he becomes a “listener, ” inmates are trained by The Samaritans to counsel those in distress. The listeners are called out all hours of the day and night to try to help. A number of them became completely overwhelmed by the sheer scale of the prisoners problems.
I couldn’t put the book down, fascinating, a kindness in prison you wouldn’t expect to find and a horrifying harshness. Five big shining stars from me. Thank you Net galley for the advanced copy.
The prison he is sent to is Wandsworth and definitely is not the holiday camp vibe you often read about and hear in the media.
He keeps diaries throughout his sentence and it proves to be a fantastic read.
Absolutely gripping book that has you so frustrated at times, on the verge of tears and lots of head shaking. The subhuman treatment of prisoners, prisoners committing suicide and how you are almost immediately disadvantaged by your race, social class and education.
Unfortunately like a lot of our other public services we have too much to do without enough money and everything in this Victorian prison is being stretched to the very limit.
I learnt so much from this book, the volume of drugs, officials making mistakes with court cases, plans to increase the already overflowing prisons, no rehabilitation and days without being let out of cells without showers.
Chris is aware that he is privileged middle class, the right health, skin colour and his mental health status allows him to see the reality into the bureaucracy of prison life he becomes a “listener, ” inmates are trained by The Samaritans to counsel those in distress. The listeners are called out all hours of the day and night to try to help. A number of them became completely overwhelmed by the sheer scale of the prisoners problems.
I couldn’t put the book down, fascinating, a kindness in prison you wouldn’t expect to find and a horrifying harshness. Five big shining stars from me. Thank you Net galley for the advanced copy.
April 27, 2020
I was lucky to grab a copy in a Kobo daily deal for 99p, since this was a fairly recent release. Chris Atkins is a former prisoner, having been found guilty of tax scamming and sentenced to a prison term of five years at HMP Wandsworth. During his sentence, he starts to keep a diary recording life in prison and the other inmates and their lives. It was slow in pacing, but interesting and also personally like diary formats reading and writing-wise.
March 1, 2020
Really fascinating read. I already knew our prison system was a catastrophic mess but didn't realise it was quite so dire; the prevalence of mental health problems, self-harm and suicides in prison is shocking, not to mention the almost complete lack of attempts at rehabilitation (in large part because vast swathes of the British public want punishment, not reform, even if it costs them less in taxes in the long-term) and almost non-existent healthcare.
I found Chris to be a likable narrator and admire his strength at getting through an experience which would likely break many of us (I've also seen his documentary Starsuckers, which is worth watching and is what got him into this mess in the first place).
Recommended read, especially for politicians, who would, as is their habit, ignore anyone with front-line experience and plough on with expensive schemes that don't work and serve only to line the pockets of private contractors.
I found Chris to be a likable narrator and admire his strength at getting through an experience which would likely break many of us (I've also seen his documentary Starsuckers, which is worth watching and is what got him into this mess in the first place).
Recommended read, especially for politicians, who would, as is their habit, ignore anyone with front-line experience and plough on with expensive schemes that don't work and serve only to line the pockets of private contractors.
September 11, 2020
(Received via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review).
This was interesting, but it felt more like a political rant at times than an inside-look into British prisons. I didn't like the author and his narrative, and being a non-fiction, this sort of ruined the book.
This was interesting, but it felt more like a political rant at times than an inside-look into British prisons. I didn't like the author and his narrative, and being a non-fiction, this sort of ruined the book.
May 9, 2021
Wow. This is a shocking account of life in wandsworth prison. I hadn't given much thought to what life behind bars looked like, but was guilty like many people of believing prisoners had an easy life .
This really opened my eyes to the reality of what happens inside prisons.
I was shocked, stunned,appaled and saddened to hear the truth. Backed up with facts, studies and plenty of statistics. This makes for a gripping, interesting read , put together with Chris's dry humour making it Incredibly entertaining too.
This really opened my eyes to the reality of what happens inside prisons.
I was shocked, stunned,appaled and saddened to hear the truth. Backed up with facts, studies and plenty of statistics. This makes for a gripping, interesting read , put together with Chris's dry humour making it Incredibly entertaining too.
April 11, 2020
Q:
I notice that Rob has half a comb sticking out of his hair, and I’m unsure if this is a fashion statement or a potential weapon.
‘What do you know about quantum mechanics?’ he demands.
‘Quite a bit as it happens,’ I say. ‘I actually studied physics at Oxford, and that was the only part I found interesting.’
We spend the next 10 minutes discussing wave–particle duality. (c)
I notice that Rob has half a comb sticking out of his hair, and I’m unsure if this is a fashion statement or a potential weapon.
‘What do you know about quantum mechanics?’ he demands.
‘Quite a bit as it happens,’ I say. ‘I actually studied physics at Oxford, and that was the only part I found interesting.’
We spend the next 10 minutes discussing wave–particle duality. (c)
December 28, 2020
Chris Atkins’ very readable account of his time in Wandsworth prison has left me with a much better understanding of day-to-day life in British prisons – and it’s a pretty alarming story. The holiday camp myth is blown apart, and the impacts of understaffed prisons, poor management, mental health and drug crises, and prisoner illiteracy are all too clear to see. Atkins writes well, balancing compelling stories full of human interest, humour and hard facts. He is the first to admit that he had it relatively easy inside because of his white-collar crime, white middle-class background and string educational background. He was able to work the system and became involved in some really worthwhile activities including the prison listener service which is run by the Samaritans by (I’m getting involved in this which is one reason I read the book). There are some heartwarming messages in here, notably the benefits of peer support, and the fact that friendship, care and kindness can be found in the darkest of places and times. He’s done a good job though of highlighting a very real prison crisis in the UK and explaining why this is something we all need to worry about.
March 14, 2021
I decided to read this book because it was published on my birthday. I had no idea who Atkins was or what to expect and I was utterly shocked.
I never thought that prisons are summer camps but I also never thought that they conditions were so inhumane.
I really hope that something good will come from this book, and I will definitely check out and support the Samaritans.
(The 4 stars obviously don't reflect the literary value of the book but the insight it gave me to an unknown world).
I never thought that prisons are summer camps but I also never thought that they conditions were so inhumane.
I really hope that something good will come from this book, and I will definitely check out and support the Samaritans.
(The 4 stars obviously don't reflect the literary value of the book but the insight it gave me to an unknown world).
December 30, 2020
Even if half of this memoir (for want of a better word) is true, I am shocked. The conditions prisoners are kept in and the complete and utter incompetence of the system beggars belief. I really was gobsmacked by how badly the system is run. We need to make big changes to the prison system if we want to change the culture of the U.K. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem the political will to want to do this. A fascinating read that almost seems exaggerated, but I am sure it isn’t!
March 12, 2023
A fascinating insight into the life of a prisoner in Wandsworth prison. Chris (a middle aged, white, middle class man) was sentenced to 5 years for fraud and wrote a diary while inside. It has changed my perception of prison life and that it isn’t quite how it is portrayed in the media. A very interesting and at times funny read!
September 6, 2020
I've read a couple of these prisoner-type books now and find them fascinating. They are funny and give us a sometimes shocking insight into the British penal system. However, they also have something else in common. The authors always feel sorry for themselves.
This one in particular, Chris Atkins, who is also the reader on Audible, was a journalist who, in 2016, spent 5 years in prison for conspiracy to defraud the British public revenue. In other words, tax evasion, and yet in most of his book he moans and complains about his lack of rights and the regulations he had to adhere to, how he was hard done by and constantly let down..
Listen, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the book and I am more than aware that the British prison system is outdated, utterly broken and needs a massive overhaul but at times this book just smacked of duplicity and excuses. Prison is intended to punish. It is not a holiday camp. I agree that some sentences are harsh and that people make mistakes but I do not feel sorry for someone who intentionally avoids paying their taxes when other people have to. That is not a mistake, that is an intentional act which he thought he could get away with and I have zero sympathy for him.
The funniest thing about this is that Atkins was a filmmaker, mainly concentrating on documentaries. In one of his documentaries, ironically called, Taking Liberties he criticises the UK government for undermining his civil liberties and yet there he is, not paying his taxes, cheating not only the government but also the British taxpayer whilst at the same time moaning about his rights and liberties and what he should be entitled to!
Towards the end of the book he "offers advice" on how to improve the system, rather than, you know, apologising for his behaviour (which I don't recall him doing once in his book). He seems to blame everyone but himself. Unbelievable.
Well, Mr Atkins, I have some advice for you myself. If the system is so broken, if the politicians are not doing their jobs properly and if conditions in prisons are so poor how about not committing crime and going there in the first place. Then you wouldn't have to worry about your liberty, would you now?
In my opinion he deserved everything he got and that is no stretch of the imagination.
This one in particular, Chris Atkins, who is also the reader on Audible, was a journalist who, in 2016, spent 5 years in prison for conspiracy to defraud the British public revenue. In other words, tax evasion, and yet in most of his book he moans and complains about his lack of rights and the regulations he had to adhere to, how he was hard done by and constantly let down..
Listen, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the book and I am more than aware that the British prison system is outdated, utterly broken and needs a massive overhaul but at times this book just smacked of duplicity and excuses. Prison is intended to punish. It is not a holiday camp. I agree that some sentences are harsh and that people make mistakes but I do not feel sorry for someone who intentionally avoids paying their taxes when other people have to. That is not a mistake, that is an intentional act which he thought he could get away with and I have zero sympathy for him.
The funniest thing about this is that Atkins was a filmmaker, mainly concentrating on documentaries. In one of his documentaries, ironically called, Taking Liberties he criticises the UK government for undermining his civil liberties and yet there he is, not paying his taxes, cheating not only the government but also the British taxpayer whilst at the same time moaning about his rights and liberties and what he should be entitled to!
Towards the end of the book he "offers advice" on how to improve the system, rather than, you know, apologising for his behaviour (which I don't recall him doing once in his book). He seems to blame everyone but himself. Unbelievable.
Well, Mr Atkins, I have some advice for you myself. If the system is so broken, if the politicians are not doing their jobs properly and if conditions in prisons are so poor how about not committing crime and going there in the first place. Then you wouldn't have to worry about your liberty, would you now?
In my opinion he deserved everything he got and that is no stretch of the imagination.
February 10, 2020
I picked this up in an airport bookshop at godawful o'clock this morning, and it kept me engrossed enough during a gruelling day of travel that I've finished it already. Absolutely fascinating stuff, moving, thought provoking, scary and funny.
HMP Wandsworth is absolutely brutal, and I'm convinced that if I ever ended up there, I'd come out in a box. The author spent nine months of a five-year sentence for fraud there, and was surrounded by violence, squalor, drugs and sheer ineptitude on a colossal scale. Many of his fellow inmates had absolutely catastrophic problems, very few of which are going to be solved by locking them up in brutal conditions for 23 hours a day.
The author is clearly a gifted communicator, as he was a film maker before he was imprisoned - he got embroiled in a tax fraud while seeking to get a film project funded. He went into prison knowing he was relatively well off and with a good support network - very few of his fellow inmates were as lucky.
He describes some seriously terrifying and troubling things, and comprehensively destroys the "prisons are like holiday camps" nonsense you get in the tabloids. In amongst the horrors he witnesses, there were also some brighter moments, as people tried to make the best of things.
Many people won't have much sympathy for people who have broken the law, but the author presents a compelling case for a more humane regime. The current system simply doesn't work, and churns out damaged people who commit more crimes.
There's a great deal to think about here - essentially, how do we treat people at the bottom of the pile? Is there a minimum standard of decency, dignity and safety that everyone deserves? I'd say there is, regardless of what they've done. Discuss.
HMP Wandsworth is absolutely brutal, and I'm convinced that if I ever ended up there, I'd come out in a box. The author spent nine months of a five-year sentence for fraud there, and was surrounded by violence, squalor, drugs and sheer ineptitude on a colossal scale. Many of his fellow inmates had absolutely catastrophic problems, very few of which are going to be solved by locking them up in brutal conditions for 23 hours a day.
The author is clearly a gifted communicator, as he was a film maker before he was imprisoned - he got embroiled in a tax fraud while seeking to get a film project funded. He went into prison knowing he was relatively well off and with a good support network - very few of his fellow inmates were as lucky.
He describes some seriously terrifying and troubling things, and comprehensively destroys the "prisons are like holiday camps" nonsense you get in the tabloids. In amongst the horrors he witnesses, there were also some brighter moments, as people tried to make the best of things.
Many people won't have much sympathy for people who have broken the law, but the author presents a compelling case for a more humane regime. The current system simply doesn't work, and churns out damaged people who commit more crimes.
There's a great deal to think about here - essentially, how do we treat people at the bottom of the pile? Is there a minimum standard of decency, dignity and safety that everyone deserves? I'd say there is, regardless of what they've done. Discuss.
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