Schönes Leben noch.

by Brendan Halpin

In September 2000, Brendan Halpin discovered that his thirty-two-year-old wife had stage four breast cancer. On October 7, he sat down to begin writing about what happens to a man who fears that his best friend might leave him forever.

While his wife’s condition is always in his thoughts, Halpin’s memoir focuses more on the day-to-day, moment-to-moment concerns of a young English teacher forced into the role of temporary single parent to his young daughter, forced to test his relationship with his wife, and forced to face his own fears.

It Takes a Worried Man brilliantly skewers everyone from medical professionals to family members and details how work, pop music, and movies about flesh-eating zombies helped to save Halpin’s sanity. His rants about popular culture, God, and children’s birthday parties add levity and a fast pace to the narrative.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Biography

Hardcover

First published February 1, 2002

About the author

I grew up in Cincinnati, went to college in Philadelphia, and also lived in Taipei and Edinburgh along the way. I've lived in Boston since 1991.

I became a professional writer in 2000, writing about my late wife Kirsten's breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. Kirsten died in 2003, leaving me and our daughter Rowen. I married Suzanne in 2005 and got her kids Casey and Kylie in the deal too. Bargain! Suzanne and I live with our three kids and dog in the shadow of Franklin Park in Jamaica Plain, best neighborhood on earth.

Reviews

[eRin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not the book I should have been reading at this exact point in time. I can be a total hypochondriac--but only about the big stuff. A few signs of a cold, eh. Doesn't faze me. But big, big stuff? I'm convinced that something major is going to happen. Take for instance breast cancer--I know I'm going to get it. Know it for a fact. Why, you might ask? No idea, but I know it's coming--it's just a matter of when. Then we can take the time when I was absolutely convinced that I was both pregnant AND HIV positive because of my Scottish boyfriend I had at the time. AIDS runs rampant in Edinburgh. So I'm HIV positive (and somehow pregnant). Totally overlooking the fact that 1) Angus does not live in Edinburgh, he lives on the tiny Isle of Skye and 2) we always used condoms successfully (btw--I was never pregnant and continue to test negatively for HIV 4 years later). So anyway, after some strange and unexplained symptoms, I started digging around my copy of "Our Bodies, Ourselves" and another women's health book I have and now I am absolutely convinced that I have ovarian cancer. I do have a lot of the symptoms, but they can also be explained away by stress (which I have had quite a bit of lately, what with the love of my life leaving me and all). Want to terrify yourself? Convince yourself you have ovarian cancer and start reading about how it's diagnosed and the treatment plans. Then pretend you're me and concentrate on how much you really want children. Forget horror movies, this is the real deal.

So with my overactive imagination, reading a book written by the husband of a 32-year-old woman (that's me in 5 months) diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer is not the best way to spend my time. But in a lot of ways it was worth it. Halpin is a high school teacher, married with a three-year-old daughter when they get the horrible news. He writes about Kirsten's diagnosis, meetings with the medical teams, treatments, and everything in between. We get a lot of pop culture, a lot of dark humor, and an awful lot of honesty. Sarcasm is king...and that makes me happy. Halpin describes life as a temporary single parent; the recipient of a ton of pity; and his fear of losing the most important person in his life. Sometimes he is angry, sometimes he is sad. He's almost always funny.

I found this to be a great, great book. There's a lot of cursing, a lot of soul-searching, and a lot of questions. Many of the questions can't be answered, but like all of us, he tries his best with what he has to work with. Recommended to anyone who does not have a ridiculous imagination and convinced that she has ovarian cancer. Although recommended to those aforementioned hypochondriacs if they do actually get a diagnosis of cancer. Let's hope that means I won't be rereading this in a few weeks.

[Kailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and couldn't put it down (while on the beach nonetheless - games and water did not entice me enough to put down this book) all weekend. The topic struck a very personal chord with me, as I'm sure it does with many people, but the similarities in Brendan's story to my own are striking. I love Brendan's style of writing - straightforward, honest, and real - "It Takes a Worried Man" reads like a journal entry. His brutal honesty is striking and makes the memoir all that more meaningful to read.

The afterword was a beautiful addition. Again, I was struck by Brendan's straightforward writing style and deeply appreciative of his honesty - even more so in the afterword for some reason.

As soon as I finished "It Takes a Worried Man", I downloaded "Forever Changes" (love ebooks!) and am looking forward to sharing "...Worried Man" with some other people in my life that I know will enjoy it as much as I did. Thanks Brendan for articulating many of the feelings I never could in your own story.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Halpin's writing style...so easy to read and connect with. Even though the topic is dealing with his wife's cancer, I really loved this book and plan to read more of his work!

[Stephanie Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love memoirs. This is a hard one to read, but the author is able to be so candid and his outright honesty is refreshing in the midst of his families tragedy.

[Malin Katharina · Rating 4 out of 5]

total bewegende geschichte, mir gefällt die charakterentwicklung, die sichtliche gewöhnung an die neue situation und das neue normal, aber vor allem die ehrlichkeit, wie es halpin mit der situation ergeht, aufgeschlossen, auch auf den ersten blick verwerfliche oder unbegründete gedanken und gefühle zuzulassen und aufzuschreiben. manche kommentare und ansichten haben mir nicht so gepasst bzw waren mir noch sehr veraltet, doch allgemein war es ein tolles buch. ich habe total viel daraus mitgenommen und bin sehr dankbar an dieser fremden erfahrung teilgehabt zu haben

[Koren · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author's wife is diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age. This could be a sad story, but the author keeps his sense of humor throughout. My copy must be an older edition, because reading the reviews it sounds like newer copies have an epilogue, giving us an update that his wife did pass away. I think there may be another book that follows where this book leaves off. I am definitely going to look for other books by this author.

[Christopher Armani · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fast and easy read that had me alternately laughing out loud and crying alongside him. Kudos to the author for sharing his pain as it happened, so guys like me could know we're not alone in the insanity of our own Breast Cancer Diaries....

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Speaking of his preschooler having a tantrum she will say, "I hate everything! I want to smash the whole world!" And Halpin, "This is kind of how I feel all the time now. I guess I should be praying or meditating or something,in fact I think that's what I need to do to try to figure out how to live, but it just sounds so f..ing boring."
A memoir of a high school teacher, who's wife is going through cancer treatment. The subject is heavy but Brendan Halpin writes vividly on the tragedies of life the ups the down. More than the tragedies of life but his coping with the tragedies. I like his honest accounts of his relationships with those around him; coworkers, in-laws, mother, Dr.s and friends, true drama during this disease and its' horrific treatments.

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I liked best about this was that it has everything that I've come to expect from reading Brendan's blog and some of his other books. He's smartassed, he's sad, he's a 14 year old in a 32-year-old's body...and most of all, he's real. He doesn't set out to write this platitude-filled account of the life-changing truths he learned as he watched his wife and best friend battle stage IV cancer. Rather, he lets us in on all the day-to-day stuff that goes on and lets us see him at his worst during all of it. That's what I found most engaging about this memoir.

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author writes this memoir when his wife is diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. His best friend and confidante, he can't think about facing life without her. This memoir was written with great honesty and humor - an incredibly scary situation made even more real. This was a great book, and I felt terrible for the author and his wife...however, an afterword tells us that less than a year after his "beloved" wife's death, he "falls in love" and remarries. Respect = honestly kinda lost.

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book I'm reading is It takes a worried man. This book i would give a 5 of 5, because you can really connect with the author. He goes in depth with something very personal to himself. He maps out a real life struggle that a lot of people have to deal with. Why you are reading this book it paints a very nice picture of who you think is writing the book. I would want all to read this book to understand what it's like to lose someone you love to cancer.

[Diane Sparks · Rating 3 out of 5]

A relatively light book overall, considering the subject matter. This is the story of a husband watching his wife undergo an experimental chemo treatment for her Stage IV breast cancer. It was a swift, at times surprisingly funny, and overall not terribly graphic read that warmed my heart and portrayed all parties involved as incredibly real. However, if you want to end on a high note, don't read the epilogue, which kind of spoiled the read for me.

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a candid and engaging account of the author's efforts to come to grips with the changes in his family's life after his wife is diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. He was so honest I kept wondering how his wife reacted to what he wrote. She was still alive when the book was published. We are used to hearing about the patient's experience. This book probes it is important for the spouse's perspective to be heard as well.

[reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir sounds like a real downer - written by a late-20s guy whose wife is diagnosed with breast cancer. But it's as funny, uplifting, and affecting as Operating Instructions. I read it twice in one day.

[Jules Vilmur · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having just finished "It Takes a Worried Man", I have to give Halpin props for one of the best last lines ever. Maybe BEST isn't the correct word. Maybe RIGHTEST is, except I'm pretty sure that RIGHTEST isn't a real word. In this case though, it should be.

[Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

Personally, I did not like this book as much as "Losing My Faculties." That's not to say that this wasn't a good book, it was - it just didn't seem as developed.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful book!

Read my full review here: http://mariesbookgarden.blogspot.com/...

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book more than once, then passed it along to a friend. Heartbreaking and funny at the same time. It is out of print now (I think) but worth tracking down.

[Kitty · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir of a man coping with his wife's breast cancer is honest,sincere,open and even funny.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm glad to see this as an e-book so I can recommend it to others.

[Ayelet Waldman]

This memoir is about the author's wife's cancer diagnosis. It's incredibly touching, and very sad. And funny, too. It's hardly a work of genius, but it's good for a hormone-induced weep-fest.

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

you may know me from my role in this book as "wife of person loaning videotaping equipment"

[valpal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoir of the author during his wife's battle with cancer.