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When I Ran Away
As the Twin Towers collapse, Gigi Stanislawski flees her office building and escapes lower Manhattan on the Staten Island Ferry. Among the crying, ash-covered, and shoeless passengers, Gigi, unbelievably, finds someone she recognizes--Harry Harrison, a British man and a regular at her favorite coffee shop. Gigi brings Harry to her parents' house, where they watch the television replay the planes crashing for hours, and she waits for the phone call that will never come: the call from Frankie, her younger brother.
Ten years later, Gigi, now a single mother consumed with bills and unfulfilled ambitions, meets Harry, again by chance, and they fall deeply, headlong in love. But their move to London and their new baby--which Gigi hoped would finally release her from the past--leave her feeling isolated, raw, and alone with her grief. As Gigi comes face-to-face with the anguish of her brother's death and her rage at the unspoken pain of motherhood, she must somehow find the light amid all the darkness. Startlingly honest and shot through with unexpected humor, When I Ran Away is an unforgettable first novel about love--for our partners, our children, our mothers, and ourselves--pushed to its outer limits.
Ten years later, Gigi, now a single mother consumed with bills and unfulfilled ambitions, meets Harry, again by chance, and they fall deeply, headlong in love. But their move to London and their new baby--which Gigi hoped would finally release her from the past--leave her feeling isolated, raw, and alone with her grief. As Gigi comes face-to-face with the anguish of her brother's death and her rage at the unspoken pain of motherhood, she must somehow find the light amid all the darkness. Startlingly honest and shot through with unexpected humor, When I Ran Away is an unforgettable first novel about love--for our partners, our children, our mothers, and ourselves--pushed to its outer limits.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published March 4, 2021
79 people are currently reading
4484 people want to read
About the author
Ilona Bannister
3 books86 followersIlona Bannister is the author of three books. Her debut novel, When I Ran Away, was long-listed for the Center for Fiction's First Novel Prize in 2021.
Ilona's third book, Five, will be published in May 2026.
Born and raised on Staten Island, Ilona will always be a New Yorker at heart, but she has lived and worked in the UK for almost 20 years with her husband and sons.
Ilona's third book, Five, will be published in May 2026.
Born and raised on Staten Island, Ilona will always be a New Yorker at heart, but she has lived and worked in the UK for almost 20 years with her husband and sons.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 387 reviews
July 11, 2021
What a beautiful, tear jerking, heart pounding debut it is! My emotions are truly everywhere!
When your life turns into your own prison cell: you’re trapped, nothing is on your control even your body, your mind, your hormones, your opinions seem like belong to a stranger, can you just WALK AWAY for a second to take a break and to remember who you were once upon a time?
Can you put distance between the life you just truly hate and the life you wish to live or the person you wish to become?
What if you don’t have any idea about your future dreams, needs, passions? What if you’re just lost and only thing you can do is just hiding into a shithole hotel room, drinking yourself to cry as you watch disastrous dramas at daytime reality shows! That’s what Gigi Stanislawski did!
She’s exhausted, depressed, lost, horrified, grief stricken, hopeless, aimless. How her life turned into such a disaster?
She left her loyal, hard worker husband Harry who truly cares about her and her lovely boys alone in the house. Could she gather her mental and physical strength to turn back or could she continue to draft away aimlessly till she finds her way and what she will do her life?
What’s the reason of her downfall?
Her neglected parents’ careless attitudes: CHECK!
Traumatic experience of losing her brother at 9/11 and carrying burden and caring her own parents throughout the process who switched their places with her by becoming her own children: CHECK!
Forced to raise the child of her brother’s girlfriend who never got through the grief she’d suffered. CHECK!
And finally she found Harry: charming, successful business man, hot British guy with terrible shitty choices: they met 10 years ago. Their workplaces were close, bumping each other at coffee place and they also bumped each other at the very ominous day: 9/11
Harry has nowhere to go and Gigi takes him to her parents’ house where Harry witnesses the shit show of dysfunctional family from the front seat and he also witnesses the big family drama after they learned the tragic news about their son.
Now 10 years later, they met each other at a park coincidentally and this time Harry has no intention to let her go. He wants her to move with him to the UK, leaving her friends, job, family behind. She says yes but can she start over at a different continent and adjust her new life?
Of course processing things, hanging out the pretentious friends of Harry might be a little complex and she might feel lonely, right: CHECK!
And yes let’s not forget when Gigi gave a compelling birth to her son Rocky, living her job and turning into a full time mother who suffers from mental and physical pain.
We’re going back and forth between past and present time to understand what put Gigi at the edge of emotional breakdown and we question motherhood, marriage, life, friendship, suffer, grief, burden from her own eyes.
This is unique, heart wrenching, genuine, honest, natural approach telling us how compelling job to be a mother, not to be good enough, to lose yourself when you try to be everything your children want you to be but to be afraid of not making them happy enough.
I normally give four stars but I loved Gigi so much! The author created a wonderful portrait and made us feel like we just have a coffee talk (or girls night out for more wines!) with her. She just like one of your close friends whom you really want to reconnect and share your experiences. So I’m giving extra half star and rounding up 4.5 stars to 5!
This is amazing debut and I’d like to read future works of the author.
Special thanks to NetGalley and Doubleday Books for sharing this remarkable arc in exchange my honest review.
When your life turns into your own prison cell: you’re trapped, nothing is on your control even your body, your mind, your hormones, your opinions seem like belong to a stranger, can you just WALK AWAY for a second to take a break and to remember who you were once upon a time?
Can you put distance between the life you just truly hate and the life you wish to live or the person you wish to become?
What if you don’t have any idea about your future dreams, needs, passions? What if you’re just lost and only thing you can do is just hiding into a shithole hotel room, drinking yourself to cry as you watch disastrous dramas at daytime reality shows! That’s what Gigi Stanislawski did!
She’s exhausted, depressed, lost, horrified, grief stricken, hopeless, aimless. How her life turned into such a disaster?
She left her loyal, hard worker husband Harry who truly cares about her and her lovely boys alone in the house. Could she gather her mental and physical strength to turn back or could she continue to draft away aimlessly till she finds her way and what she will do her life?
What’s the reason of her downfall?
Her neglected parents’ careless attitudes: CHECK!
Traumatic experience of losing her brother at 9/11 and carrying burden and caring her own parents throughout the process who switched their places with her by becoming her own children: CHECK!
Forced to raise the child of her brother’s girlfriend who never got through the grief she’d suffered. CHECK!
And finally she found Harry: charming, successful business man, hot British guy with terrible shitty choices: they met 10 years ago. Their workplaces were close, bumping each other at coffee place and they also bumped each other at the very ominous day: 9/11
Harry has nowhere to go and Gigi takes him to her parents’ house where Harry witnesses the shit show of dysfunctional family from the front seat and he also witnesses the big family drama after they learned the tragic news about their son.
Now 10 years later, they met each other at a park coincidentally and this time Harry has no intention to let her go. He wants her to move with him to the UK, leaving her friends, job, family behind. She says yes but can she start over at a different continent and adjust her new life?
Of course processing things, hanging out the pretentious friends of Harry might be a little complex and she might feel lonely, right: CHECK!
And yes let’s not forget when Gigi gave a compelling birth to her son Rocky, living her job and turning into a full time mother who suffers from mental and physical pain.
We’re going back and forth between past and present time to understand what put Gigi at the edge of emotional breakdown and we question motherhood, marriage, life, friendship, suffer, grief, burden from her own eyes.
This is unique, heart wrenching, genuine, honest, natural approach telling us how compelling job to be a mother, not to be good enough, to lose yourself when you try to be everything your children want you to be but to be afraid of not making them happy enough.
I normally give four stars but I loved Gigi so much! The author created a wonderful portrait and made us feel like we just have a coffee talk (or girls night out for more wines!) with her. She just like one of your close friends whom you really want to reconnect and share your experiences. So I’m giving extra half star and rounding up 4.5 stars to 5!
This is amazing debut and I’d like to read future works of the author.
Special thanks to NetGalley and Doubleday Books for sharing this remarkable arc in exchange my honest review.
March 29, 2021
I loved this book! What a big hug of a read!
Literally just as the Twin Towers collapse, Gigi is seeking safety and runs into Harry, an acquaintance she knows from a coffee shop. Gigi and Harry then go to her parents’ house to wait for her brother, Frankie, to call.
It’s now ten years later, and Gigi is a single mom on her own. She runs into Harry again, and this time it sticks. They move to London together, and it’s happily ever after, right? Not exactly.
I LOVED Gigi and Harry. I loved this unconventional love story full of every emotion. Gigi experiences loss, and her intense grief is handled with sensitivity. It’s such a thoughtful portrayal. The writing is stunning. It’s just one of those books you’ll never stop thinking about. Trust me: you are going to want a copy!
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
Literally just as the Twin Towers collapse, Gigi is seeking safety and runs into Harry, an acquaintance she knows from a coffee shop. Gigi and Harry then go to her parents’ house to wait for her brother, Frankie, to call.
It’s now ten years later, and Gigi is a single mom on her own. She runs into Harry again, and this time it sticks. They move to London together, and it’s happily ever after, right? Not exactly.
I LOVED Gigi and Harry. I loved this unconventional love story full of every emotion. Gigi experiences loss, and her intense grief is handled with sensitivity. It’s such a thoughtful portrayal. The writing is stunning. It’s just one of those books you’ll never stop thinking about. Trust me: you are going to want a copy!
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
March 30, 2021
When I Ran Away by Ilona Bannister is an interesting story about a woman that runs away for the day while deciding whether she wants to go back to her family. Gigi’s life changed because of the September 11 attacks. She flees her office in Manhattan and brings Harry to her parents’ house. They hardly know each other except seeing each other at the coffee shop by their offices. Years later they run into each other and form a romance. Their relationship is complicated and not always easy, but Harry always knows he wants to be with Gigi. Present day, Gigi is a struggling mother that is having trouble loving her new baby and feels like her husband doesn’t pay attention or help. She is living in London and homesick for New York and missing friends. She decides to run away and go to a hotel. She ignores all her phones calls and texts while getting drunk, watching TV, and deciding what she wants to do next. The book is told alternating between present day and the past telling Gigi and Harry’s story. I enjoyed When I Ran Away while I was struggling and stressed out. Bannister demonstrates that sometimes life is hard and people need time to figure things out. Gigi is a very relatable and realistic character. The reader gets inside Gigi’s head and always knows what she is thinking and why she acts the way she does. I enjoyed watching her and Harry grow together and apart. I really enjoyed this story and think it is the perfect read for those struggling.
Thank you Doubleday and Edelweiss for When I Ran Away.
Full Review: https://justreadingjess.wordpress.com...
Thank you Doubleday and Edelweiss for When I Ran Away.
Full Review: https://justreadingjess.wordpress.com...
September 9, 2021
Update:
When I Ran Away
Review // 4 star
Admittedly, When I Ran Away didn’t blow me away. The writing style was a bit disjointed and choppy and I found that distracting as a reader. However, the depth of loss, grief, motherhood, postpartum, identity….it was all found in this book.
I have never read a story about post partum depression so clearly and accurately portrayed. Since it was so heavy on these topics, the book was a pretty big downer cover to cover. I found myself mimicking the tone of the book. My anxiety was spiking whenever I picked it up. And trust me, I don’t need more reasons for my anxiety to spike.
All in all, I do think this book might interest you if you want to read something honest and moving. I wouldn’t suggest When I Ran Away if you struggle, or have recently struggled with post partum depression or if you have just recently lost someone close to you.
When I Ran Away
Review // 4 star
Admittedly, When I Ran Away didn’t blow me away. The writing style was a bit disjointed and choppy and I found that distracting as a reader. However, the depth of loss, grief, motherhood, postpartum, identity….it was all found in this book.
I have never read a story about post partum depression so clearly and accurately portrayed. Since it was so heavy on these topics, the book was a pretty big downer cover to cover. I found myself mimicking the tone of the book. My anxiety was spiking whenever I picked it up. And trust me, I don’t need more reasons for my anxiety to spike.
All in all, I do think this book might interest you if you want to read something honest and moving. I wouldn’t suggest When I Ran Away if you struggle, or have recently struggled with post partum depression or if you have just recently lost someone close to you.
October 6, 2021
For a powerfully emotional story about grief, love, motherhood, and guilt, look no further than
When I Ran Away
.
Gigi and Harry meet on the Staten Island Ferry not long after both have fled the chaos following the collapse of the first tower on 9/11. Harry used to visit Gigi's favorite coffee shop but they never met officially, and yet here both are, covered in ash and not truly comprehending the magnitude of what is happening on that day.
Harry, an Englishman living in NYC, has nowhere to go, so Gigi brings him to her dysfunctional family home in Staten Island. But when the family discovers her younger brother was somehow in the Twin Towers that day and won’t ever come home, Harry helps them through one of the most painful moments in their lives, and then leaves them with their friends to process their grief.
When Gigi and Harry meet by chance 10 years later, she’s a single mother raising a young boy. They fall deeply in love, and Harry ultimately asks Gigi to move to London with him. It’s a very different atmosphere than what she’s used to, but she’s determined to make their marriage work, and to raise her son and their new baby right.
But after a while, the pressure of balancing motherhood, marriage, career, and her own happiness, all in an unfamiliar place away from friends and family, becomes too much to bear. She is faced with a crucial moment where she doesn’t know how to handle any of it, not to mention her and her family’s unresolved grief over her brother’s death 15 years earlier.
When I Ran Away is a beautifully told story, searing and poignant, but with flashes of sly humor. I’ll admit I thought it would be sadder and I was glad it wasn’t, especially having spent the weekend in a funk mourning friends lost on 9/11. But I’d imagine that for many mothers out there this will be an even more emotional and relevant read, one which will make many feel seen.
I’m glad I finally read this after it sat on my TBR stack for a while. Definitely one worth discussing with others.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2020 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2020.html.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
Gigi and Harry meet on the Staten Island Ferry not long after both have fled the chaos following the collapse of the first tower on 9/11. Harry used to visit Gigi's favorite coffee shop but they never met officially, and yet here both are, covered in ash and not truly comprehending the magnitude of what is happening on that day.
Harry, an Englishman living in NYC, has nowhere to go, so Gigi brings him to her dysfunctional family home in Staten Island. But when the family discovers her younger brother was somehow in the Twin Towers that day and won’t ever come home, Harry helps them through one of the most painful moments in their lives, and then leaves them with their friends to process their grief.
When Gigi and Harry meet by chance 10 years later, she’s a single mother raising a young boy. They fall deeply in love, and Harry ultimately asks Gigi to move to London with him. It’s a very different atmosphere than what she’s used to, but she’s determined to make their marriage work, and to raise her son and their new baby right.
But after a while, the pressure of balancing motherhood, marriage, career, and her own happiness, all in an unfamiliar place away from friends and family, becomes too much to bear. She is faced with a crucial moment where she doesn’t know how to handle any of it, not to mention her and her family’s unresolved grief over her brother’s death 15 years earlier.
When I Ran Away is a beautifully told story, searing and poignant, but with flashes of sly humor. I’ll admit I thought it would be sadder and I was glad it wasn’t, especially having spent the weekend in a funk mourning friends lost on 9/11. But I’d imagine that for many mothers out there this will be an even more emotional and relevant read, one which will make many feel seen.
I’m glad I finally read this after it sat on my TBR stack for a while. Definitely one worth discussing with others.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2020 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2020.html.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
January 1, 2021
On the day the twin towers collapse Gigi is at work, she bumps into Harry, a man she has seen in their local coffee shop. He has nowhere to go so she takes him back to her parents house, where she waits to hear if her brother Frankie is safe. Unfortunately Frankie wasn’t so lucky and Harry Is there to comfort and help the family come to terms with the shocking news.
We fast forward eleven years when Gigi and Harry are surprisingly reunited, they fall in love and move to London.
Reading this book brought back the feeling of disbelieve and terror I felt when watching the news on 9/11. I thought it was written beautifully and although it portrays death and depression there is also hope!!
Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for a review.
We fast forward eleven years when Gigi and Harry are surprisingly reunited, they fall in love and move to London.
Reading this book brought back the feeling of disbelieve and terror I felt when watching the news on 9/11. I thought it was written beautifully and although it portrays death and depression there is also hope!!
Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for a review.
March 27, 2021
Gigi had a fulfilling life in New York City working towards a law degree and had the support of a group of close-knit friends. As it did for so many others, life tragically changed for Gigi on September 11th. It is also the day she met Harry, a British man she had seen in the coffee shop near her office. They both flee Manhattan on the Staten Island Ferry. She brings him to her parents’ home where he meets her hard-working father and her difficult mother. Gigi and her family learn of a horrible loss at the World Trade Center.
Years later, Gigi marries Harry and they move to London along with young Johnny. Gigi, with her working class background, feels out of place in her new posh surroundings filled with judgmental people all around her. The birth of baby Rocky soon follows. After his traumatic Caesarian birth, Gigi falls into a deep postpartum depression. One day, she reaches a breaking point and leaves home. She checks into a hotel to escape. She decides to drink wine and binge on a Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon.
This book shows a raw, honest portrayal of a woman who has lost all sense of herself and cannot find a way back. She is caught between missing her work life and her desire to be the best mother possible (unlike her own mother) and stay home with her children. She misses her friends and New York. She is finding it hard to bond with her new baby and pushes her well-meaning husband further and further away. She needs help.
Oftentimes hard to read, When I Ran Away is a highly emotional book also filled with humor. You’ll feel for Gigi and her struggles. It’s an impressive debut from author Ilona Bannister.
Many thanks to Edelweiss and Doubleday / Random House for the opportunity to read When I Read Away in advance of its publication.
Review posted on MicheleReader.com.
Years later, Gigi marries Harry and they move to London along with young Johnny. Gigi, with her working class background, feels out of place in her new posh surroundings filled with judgmental people all around her. The birth of baby Rocky soon follows. After his traumatic Caesarian birth, Gigi falls into a deep postpartum depression. One day, she reaches a breaking point and leaves home. She checks into a hotel to escape. She decides to drink wine and binge on a Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon.
This book shows a raw, honest portrayal of a woman who has lost all sense of herself and cannot find a way back. She is caught between missing her work life and her desire to be the best mother possible (unlike her own mother) and stay home with her children. She misses her friends and New York. She is finding it hard to bond with her new baby and pushes her well-meaning husband further and further away. She needs help.
Oftentimes hard to read, When I Ran Away is a highly emotional book also filled with humor. You’ll feel for Gigi and her struggles. It’s an impressive debut from author Ilona Bannister.
Many thanks to Edelweiss and Doubleday / Random House for the opportunity to read When I Read Away in advance of its publication.
Review posted on MicheleReader.com.
November 10, 2024
Remarkably written and expertly narrated.
Be forewarned, it’s A LOT. But so is motherhood, marriage and health. What a powerful book.
Be forewarned, it’s A LOT. But so is motherhood, marriage and health. What a powerful book.
January 16, 2021
There is just something so satisfying about finding parts of yourself revealed between the pages of a book.
Gigi Stanislawski fled her office and escaped the attack on the twin towers. On the Staten Island Ferry, she sees a regular from her favorite coffee shop, a British man named Harry. Overcome with shock, Gigi and Harry go to her parents’ house. They watch the tragic events unfold on the news and wait to hear from Gigi’s little brother, but the call never comes. Through a disjointed timeline, Bannister weaves together the threads of Gigi’s past and present following this traumatic event.
This is a powerful novel that takes us through the evolution of marriage and motherhood. The story reflects the natural course of a woman’s life: the ugliness, beauty and everything in between. Bannister perfectly encapsulates the psychology of a woman who gives herself to others every single day. Incisive and unapologetic, the narrative meditates on the pain, perseverance and trauma of a mother and daughter. Bannister explores humanity, identity, grief, displacement, survival, gender inequality, and the need for better postpartum care.
Bannister poured her heart and soul into this complex novel and it evoked so many emotions. Intimate and tender, this book will make you laugh, make you cry and carve out a permanent place in your heart. Reading this book feels like having a conversation with your best friend. It feels like a big, complicated hug. An easy 5 stars that you won’t want to sleep on. Expected on March 30th.
CW: 9/11 flashbacks, traumatic birth, depression, grief, death
Thank you @doubledaybooks for this gifted copy of WHEN I RAN AWAY by ilona.bannister.
Truly one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read.
Gigi Stanislawski fled her office and escaped the attack on the twin towers. On the Staten Island Ferry, she sees a regular from her favorite coffee shop, a British man named Harry. Overcome with shock, Gigi and Harry go to her parents’ house. They watch the tragic events unfold on the news and wait to hear from Gigi’s little brother, but the call never comes. Through a disjointed timeline, Bannister weaves together the threads of Gigi’s past and present following this traumatic event.
This is a powerful novel that takes us through the evolution of marriage and motherhood. The story reflects the natural course of a woman’s life: the ugliness, beauty and everything in between. Bannister perfectly encapsulates the psychology of a woman who gives herself to others every single day. Incisive and unapologetic, the narrative meditates on the pain, perseverance and trauma of a mother and daughter. Bannister explores humanity, identity, grief, displacement, survival, gender inequality, and the need for better postpartum care.
Bannister poured her heart and soul into this complex novel and it evoked so many emotions. Intimate and tender, this book will make you laugh, make you cry and carve out a permanent place in your heart. Reading this book feels like having a conversation with your best friend. It feels like a big, complicated hug. An easy 5 stars that you won’t want to sleep on. Expected on March 30th.
CW: 9/11 flashbacks, traumatic birth, depression, grief, death
Thank you @doubledaybooks for this gifted copy of WHEN I RAN AWAY by ilona.bannister.
Truly one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read.
May 27, 2022
After I read this book I searched online to find out how many novels have been written centred on postpartum depression. Hardly any, is the answer. A number of personal stories have been written and the best known novelist of those accounts is Elif Shafak’s Black Milk .
Illona Bannister has written a novel of heartfelt intensity. There aren’t too many male reviewers of the book, and this really is a book that only women will be able to properly identify with. I have to say that I found this novel compelling, shocking (at times) and from the women I’ve spoken to, it’s totally believable.
Bannister has structured the book so that childhood experiences, tragedy when growing up, and the shock of New York 9/11 all provide possible reasons for the sustained panic experienced by the book’s protagonist, Eugenia (“Gigi”) Stanislawski. I thought the wide sweep of the lead character’s life before motherhood made the impact of her depression after the arrival of her baby, Rocky, all the more convincing. The baby plays only a small bit part in the overall narrative. This is what takes this book to a new and different dimension when compared to the academic and clinical studies that I’ve looked at briefly.
The book is unremitting, and proceeds at a steady pace throughout. There’s no fiery finale and the book is all the more powerful for the measured way in which eight months of pressure cooker desperation top and tail the book.
Aside from the thoughts and actions of Gigi, I enjoyed the portrayal of husband, Harry. I guess, as a male reader Harry’s reactions are the obvious pointers for me to attempt to relate to the situations taking place.
I was surprised that Harry’s previous “significant” girlfriend, Hannah, was so unpleasant, and to a certain extent I thought this relationship could have been expanded, had it not been for the need to keep postpartum depression central to the narrative at all times.
Despite the bleakness of the subject matter I laughed throughout the book:
• “I’ve just married a man who owns a Pocket Square” (103) While I have never displayed a pocket square (and didn’t know the term until I read this book), I do still have handkerchiefs, for which I am routinely mocked.
• At a mother and baby coffee morning : “Emma Bridgewater and Cath Kidson are having a turf war in here” (208)
• “If you asked me to describe Rebecca I would say ‘She ends text messages with “Best”, and I feel like this would tell you all you need to know” (111)
I will set about changing my email sign offs from now on.....!!!
Recommend
Having said that I’m not aware of many other postpartum depression novels I remembered I had read one other: Die, My Love by Ariana Harwicz. That would be the other novel that I can wholeheartedly recommend for intense, heartfelt treatment of the subject matter in a fictional wrap.
Ilona Bannister’s book was a memorable read and I can’t wait to read her next novel “Little Prisons” due for release in June 2022.
Illona Bannister has written a novel of heartfelt intensity. There aren’t too many male reviewers of the book, and this really is a book that only women will be able to properly identify with. I have to say that I found this novel compelling, shocking (at times) and from the women I’ve spoken to, it’s totally believable.
Bannister has structured the book so that childhood experiences, tragedy when growing up, and the shock of New York 9/11 all provide possible reasons for the sustained panic experienced by the book’s protagonist, Eugenia (“Gigi”) Stanislawski. I thought the wide sweep of the lead character’s life before motherhood made the impact of her depression after the arrival of her baby, Rocky, all the more convincing. The baby plays only a small bit part in the overall narrative. This is what takes this book to a new and different dimension when compared to the academic and clinical studies that I’ve looked at briefly.
The book is unremitting, and proceeds at a steady pace throughout. There’s no fiery finale and the book is all the more powerful for the measured way in which eight months of pressure cooker desperation top and tail the book.
Aside from the thoughts and actions of Gigi, I enjoyed the portrayal of husband, Harry. I guess, as a male reader Harry’s reactions are the obvious pointers for me to attempt to relate to the situations taking place.
I was surprised that Harry’s previous “significant” girlfriend, Hannah, was so unpleasant, and to a certain extent I thought this relationship could have been expanded, had it not been for the need to keep postpartum depression central to the narrative at all times.
Despite the bleakness of the subject matter I laughed throughout the book:
• “I’ve just married a man who owns a Pocket Square” (103) While I have never displayed a pocket square (and didn’t know the term until I read this book), I do still have handkerchiefs, for which I am routinely mocked.
• At a mother and baby coffee morning : “Emma Bridgewater and Cath Kidson are having a turf war in here” (208)
• “If you asked me to describe Rebecca I would say ‘She ends text messages with “Best”, and I feel like this would tell you all you need to know” (111)
I will set about changing my email sign offs from now on.....!!!
Recommend
Having said that I’m not aware of many other postpartum depression novels I remembered I had read one other: Die, My Love by Ariana Harwicz. That would be the other novel that I can wholeheartedly recommend for intense, heartfelt treatment of the subject matter in a fictional wrap.
Ilona Bannister’s book was a memorable read and I can’t wait to read her next novel “Little Prisons” due for release in June 2022.
March 30, 2021
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Gifted by @doubledaybooks
“So I leave them and I start walking.”
When I Walk Away is Gigi’s emotional recount of loss, love and motherhood and how she found herself leaving a family behind.
I must admit I went in expecting a story of loss and grief over losing a loved one and I did not expect that loss to actually also encompass the loss of oneself (our identity) and yet this is how the story develops. Let’s just say I was NOT disappointed. As mothers we often center our lives around our family. We carry so much with us and hold the needs of others above our own. It’s not that simple to ask for help when we are struggling. We don’t want to burden our friends and families or to seem ungrateful. The pressures fellow women put on one another for their own validation result in guilt or shame. So often as I read Gigi’s story I reflected on my own motherhood journey. I recalled my first full and terrifying day on my own with our twin boys, juggling them both when I was trying to tandem breast feed, not having family in the same state to call for help, the decision to have a c-section and feeling bad about it, wondering if I was doing enough and at the same time wondering how I could possibly do any more. I could go on and on...
As I turned the last page I knew this story would be one I wanted friends to read. I want fellow Mothers to know that they aren’t alone. I will hold your hand and listen while you find light in the darkness.
Insightful and moving this wonderful debut is not to be missed.
Trigger warning for postpartum depression and 9/11.
Gifted by @doubledaybooks
“So I leave them and I start walking.”
When I Walk Away is Gigi’s emotional recount of loss, love and motherhood and how she found herself leaving a family behind.
I must admit I went in expecting a story of loss and grief over losing a loved one and I did not expect that loss to actually also encompass the loss of oneself (our identity) and yet this is how the story develops. Let’s just say I was NOT disappointed. As mothers we often center our lives around our family. We carry so much with us and hold the needs of others above our own. It’s not that simple to ask for help when we are struggling. We don’t want to burden our friends and families or to seem ungrateful. The pressures fellow women put on one another for their own validation result in guilt or shame. So often as I read Gigi’s story I reflected on my own motherhood journey. I recalled my first full and terrifying day on my own with our twin boys, juggling them both when I was trying to tandem breast feed, not having family in the same state to call for help, the decision to have a c-section and feeling bad about it, wondering if I was doing enough and at the same time wondering how I could possibly do any more. I could go on and on...
As I turned the last page I knew this story would be one I wanted friends to read. I want fellow Mothers to know that they aren’t alone. I will hold your hand and listen while you find light in the darkness.
Insightful and moving this wonderful debut is not to be missed.
Trigger warning for postpartum depression and 9/11.
April 1, 2021
An astonishingly honest portrait of grief, marriage, friendships, family, and motherhood. As a mother, and a spouse, I have never felt so seen. This debut novel became an instant favorite!
Gigi encounters Harry, an acquaintance from a coffee shop, as they are fleeing the financial district of Manhattan on 9/11. Ten years later, they run into each other once again, and their connection is undeniable. Gigi, now a single mother, and Harry begin a beautiful life together, and move to London for a fresh start.
When I Ran Away is told in alternating timelines: the past evolution of their relationship, and the present, where Gigi has walked out of her home to find solitude in a seedy hotel room, with a bottle of wine and the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Ilona Bannister has created an incredibly accurate portrayal of PPD, motherhood, and marriage. While this story deals with heavy topics, Gigi is hilarious and had me nodding and laughing in surprising moments. There are no villains here, just very real characters with their affections, flaws, and, complicated families.
CW: Postpartum depression, alcohol abuse, 9/11
Gigi encounters Harry, an acquaintance from a coffee shop, as they are fleeing the financial district of Manhattan on 9/11. Ten years later, they run into each other once again, and their connection is undeniable. Gigi, now a single mother, and Harry begin a beautiful life together, and move to London for a fresh start.
When I Ran Away is told in alternating timelines: the past evolution of their relationship, and the present, where Gigi has walked out of her home to find solitude in a seedy hotel room, with a bottle of wine and the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Ilona Bannister has created an incredibly accurate portrayal of PPD, motherhood, and marriage. While this story deals with heavy topics, Gigi is hilarious and had me nodding and laughing in surprising moments. There are no villains here, just very real characters with their affections, flaws, and, complicated families.
CW: Postpartum depression, alcohol abuse, 9/11
December 12, 2020
Incredibly raw and at times darkly comic portrayal of loss, grief, postnatal depression and the value of friendship. For fans of Maria Semple's Where'd You Go Bernadette and Sarah Haywood's The Cactus.
Thank you to NetGalley and John Murray Press for the eARC.
Thank you to NetGalley and John Murray Press for the eARC.
March 14, 2021
2.5. The writing had its moments and the story started strong, but it fizzled out for me as it went along.
April 30, 2021
5 stars!!!
WOWWWWWWW. Amazing. Heartbreaking, but utterly captivating. I could not put this down. I loved Gigi. I wanted to weep for Gigi, hold her, hug her, help her.
I have such a deeper appreciation for every single mother out there. This book was incredible because, it was so raw and real. Not being a mother myself, I could still plant myself in Gigi's shoes and imagine I'd feel exactly the same way. It also made me have a different perspective on the simple, mundane tasks I take for granted, or actually loathe - like; going to the post office, going to TJ Maxx, taking a shower etc.
You never know what someone is going through (esp a new mother), check on your friends, sisters, daughters, cousins, MOTHERS...truly anyone. Sometimes, someone just wants, needs someone to sit and talk to, and the thought of even asking someone is paralyzing.
WOWWWWWWW. Amazing. Heartbreaking, but utterly captivating. I could not put this down. I loved Gigi. I wanted to weep for Gigi, hold her, hug her, help her.
I have such a deeper appreciation for every single mother out there. This book was incredible because, it was so raw and real. Not being a mother myself, I could still plant myself in Gigi's shoes and imagine I'd feel exactly the same way. It also made me have a different perspective on the simple, mundane tasks I take for granted, or actually loathe - like; going to the post office, going to TJ Maxx, taking a shower etc.
You never know what someone is going through (esp a new mother), check on your friends, sisters, daughters, cousins, MOTHERS...truly anyone. Sometimes, someone just wants, needs someone to sit and talk to, and the thought of even asking someone is paralyzing.
March 27, 2021
When I Ran Away was a heartbreaking account of a woman's emotional trauma following 9/11. Its shows how Gigi's life was forever altered. The grief from that day will follow her for years. The only positive thing to that day was that she meets a man named Harry who becomes very important in her life.
This was an honest account of the various mental struggles that people go through and how many people don't recognize it. Hence why so many people never get the help they need. I found it to be difficult to read at some points because I just wanted people to see Gigi was struggling and help her. It was like the people around her were wearing blinders and just couldn't see that she needed help.
I was impressed by this author's ability to tell a story. She handled the sensitive topics with compassion and sensitivity. I look forward to reading more by her.
Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC. I voluntarily chose to review it and the opinions contained within are my own.
This was an honest account of the various mental struggles that people go through and how many people don't recognize it. Hence why so many people never get the help they need. I found it to be difficult to read at some points because I just wanted people to see Gigi was struggling and help her. It was like the people around her were wearing blinders and just couldn't see that she needed help.
I was impressed by this author's ability to tell a story. She handled the sensitive topics with compassion and sensitivity. I look forward to reading more by her.
Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC. I voluntarily chose to review it and the opinions contained within are my own.
November 30, 2020
On the day when the twin towers are collapsing Gigi Stanislawski is fortunate to escape the horrifying drama that is unfolding in lower Manhattan. Together with Harry Harrison, a stranger she’s glimpsed in the local coffee shop, they board the Staten Island ferry back to Gigi’s parents home and await news of the whereabouts of her brother Frankie. When it’s apparent Frankie has become yet another casualty of this atrocity it is the Englishman Harry who comforts Gigi and her family through the initial shock, the pair never crossing paths again until eleven years later thanks to a chance encounter. Falling madly in love, Gigi follows Harry back overseas to London and I’d like to be able to say they lived happily ever after except When I Ran Away isn’t that type of novel!
The initial scenes detailing the immediate hours in the aftermath of the tragedy are beautifully written and profoundly moving with a promise of more to come. Whilst Harry and Gigi’s subsequent love story, beautiful though it is, fills your heart with gladness I’d prefer to focus on an event further down the line,the traumatic birth of baby Rocky. It is this event which pushes Gigi over the edge of the precipice in terms of her mental wellbeing culminating in her split second decision to walk out of the family home without a backward glance. As she hides away in a cheap London hotel room, drinking and binge watching Real Housewives, Gigi recalls her life since Frankie’s death and the events that have lead to this present moment in time.
Books can transport you to many places but Gigi’s story hit a raw nerve within me forcing me to travel back in time nearly twenty years ago when I became a mother. Experiencing post natal depression and then becoming a single mother I can’t pretend that my own personal experiences were on a par with Gigi’s. What I can say is that even if I only felt a fraction of the emotions engulfing Gigi then I can totally understand and feel her pain too. The lack of control, the loss of identity, the guilt that forever plagues you in terms of being a good enough mother resonated with me. Every word penned by this author, detailing Gigi’s dramatic decision and the fallout from it is packed with raw emotion ,literally taking my breath away. I cannot remember ever reading a more honest account, albeit fictional, of a mother’s descent into depression than this one. To me Gigi is an amalgamation of every mother on this planet. Her rage and her hatred towards Harry and her current circumstances together with her homesickness and isolation, her despair and hopelessness permeate every page. All I wanted to do was comfort her, saddened that maybe her love for Harry and Johnny wouldn’t be big enough to survive her breakdown. I felt this women had been running away all her life, not only from her grief for brother Frankie but from her caring responsibilities she shoulders from an early age. First her little brother, then her mother, abandoned baby Johnny and finally baby Rocky which leaves her depleted in every sense. Yet underneath all the negative emotions that cause Gigi to stage her own rebellion, there lies a woman with a huge capacity to care, nurture and cherish. By the time I came to the final page it was as if I knew this woman inside out, that Gigi was not a figment of the author’s imagination but a living and breathing soul whom I cared about immensely.
Apart from all the anguish and soul searching, this novel is surprisingly full of humour of the acerbic kind. I loved Gigi’s observations of the weirdness of the British way of life, our stiff upper lip demeanour and the falseness of all the highly competitive yummy mummies she comes into contact with. Life here is worlds away from Gigi’s American life with girlfriends who are equally as loud and brash as the English are buttoned up and polite. Plus the loveable Johnny delighted me with his dialogue between himself and his beloved Jeej.
When I Ran Away is a stunning debut novel that is powerful and emotive. I read much of it with a lump in my throat, interspersed with a smile, a wry grin and a chuckle or two. The storyline speaks volumes to anyone who’s ever struggled with similar feelings or considered turning their back on life as a mother, even if only for a second. I hope my effusive praise of this debut novel will encourage you to read the book, but all that really needs to be said is just WOW!!! WOW!!! WOW!!!
My thanks as always to the publisher and Netgalley for giving me the opportunity to read.
The initial scenes detailing the immediate hours in the aftermath of the tragedy are beautifully written and profoundly moving with a promise of more to come. Whilst Harry and Gigi’s subsequent love story, beautiful though it is, fills your heart with gladness I’d prefer to focus on an event further down the line,the traumatic birth of baby Rocky. It is this event which pushes Gigi over the edge of the precipice in terms of her mental wellbeing culminating in her split second decision to walk out of the family home without a backward glance. As she hides away in a cheap London hotel room, drinking and binge watching Real Housewives, Gigi recalls her life since Frankie’s death and the events that have lead to this present moment in time.
Books can transport you to many places but Gigi’s story hit a raw nerve within me forcing me to travel back in time nearly twenty years ago when I became a mother. Experiencing post natal depression and then becoming a single mother I can’t pretend that my own personal experiences were on a par with Gigi’s. What I can say is that even if I only felt a fraction of the emotions engulfing Gigi then I can totally understand and feel her pain too. The lack of control, the loss of identity, the guilt that forever plagues you in terms of being a good enough mother resonated with me. Every word penned by this author, detailing Gigi’s dramatic decision and the fallout from it is packed with raw emotion ,literally taking my breath away. I cannot remember ever reading a more honest account, albeit fictional, of a mother’s descent into depression than this one. To me Gigi is an amalgamation of every mother on this planet. Her rage and her hatred towards Harry and her current circumstances together with her homesickness and isolation, her despair and hopelessness permeate every page. All I wanted to do was comfort her, saddened that maybe her love for Harry and Johnny wouldn’t be big enough to survive her breakdown. I felt this women had been running away all her life, not only from her grief for brother Frankie but from her caring responsibilities she shoulders from an early age. First her little brother, then her mother, abandoned baby Johnny and finally baby Rocky which leaves her depleted in every sense. Yet underneath all the negative emotions that cause Gigi to stage her own rebellion, there lies a woman with a huge capacity to care, nurture and cherish. By the time I came to the final page it was as if I knew this woman inside out, that Gigi was not a figment of the author’s imagination but a living and breathing soul whom I cared about immensely.
Apart from all the anguish and soul searching, this novel is surprisingly full of humour of the acerbic kind. I loved Gigi’s observations of the weirdness of the British way of life, our stiff upper lip demeanour and the falseness of all the highly competitive yummy mummies she comes into contact with. Life here is worlds away from Gigi’s American life with girlfriends who are equally as loud and brash as the English are buttoned up and polite. Plus the loveable Johnny delighted me with his dialogue between himself and his beloved Jeej.
When I Ran Away is a stunning debut novel that is powerful and emotive. I read much of it with a lump in my throat, interspersed with a smile, a wry grin and a chuckle or two. The storyline speaks volumes to anyone who’s ever struggled with similar feelings or considered turning their back on life as a mother, even if only for a second. I hope my effusive praise of this debut novel will encourage you to read the book, but all that really needs to be said is just WOW!!! WOW!!! WOW!!!
My thanks as always to the publisher and Netgalley for giving me the opportunity to read.
February 25, 2021
Oh my goodness. This is a BRILLIANT book. It’s heartfelt, sincere, sad, heartwarming, funny AF, heartbreaking and most of all honest. Ilona has a way with words which engages you from the start 💜
November 29, 2021
There are books that you rate five stars because you love them soo much you want to read them again and again and recommend them to everyone who reads! And then there are books that you rate five stars because you somehow feel like it was someone’s real life, their soul laid bare on the pages, and it made you feel something deeply. This book was rated five stars for the latter reason, which means it won’t be for everyone and it will also likely be a book dependent on timing of when you read. For me, being just out of that new motherhood phase and already into the elementary school age days, I was just far enough removed from the infant days in the trenches to be able to remember what it’s like and resonate with Gigi, while not being fearful that her raw and real inner dialogue was going to push me over the edge. This story surprised me and went places I didn’t expect it to go emotionally. I admire any author who can give an honest voice to that vulnerable time in motherhood when you feel like everyone needs you for something and you’ll always come last. Bannister intimately explores what it’s like to be a woman in the throes of postpartum, dealing with depression and anxiety following a traumatic birth, while also being present in a marriage, having a job and another child to look after. I think any mother (particular of 2 or more) can admit to feeling some ounce of Gigi’s struggle at one point or another in our motherhood journey, which is why I find this book to be an important read. There aren’t enough books that share these inner thoughts that we feel ashamed to feel, so kudos to Ilona Bannister for being brave enough to do so.
This book was contemporary fiction that read a bit like a memoir. I enjoyed the audiobook just as much as the physical copy read!
This book was contemporary fiction that read a bit like a memoir. I enjoyed the audiobook just as much as the physical copy read!
February 25, 2021
I am definitely in the minority with this one as so many others have absolutely loved this book.
I will start with what I did like and that was the way this book depicts the struggles faced by new mothers adjusting to life with a newborn, whether it is your first child or not. The relentless, exhausting, physically and emotionally draining reality of caring for a new baby while recovering from childbirth was described in such truthful language that it was pretty raw to read at times. I am really pleased to see a book that reflects the reality of this experience for so many mothers.
However, while I liked the topics explored in this book, I really struggled to relate to or even like the protagonist Gigi and this is what let the book down for me. I didn't understand a lot of her decisions and found her outlook quite naïve and this made the book quite frustrating for me.
I was disappointed to not enjoy this book more as I had high hopes for it. But do check out other reviews as so many other readers have raved about it. Thank you to Tandem Collective UK for the copy of this book.
I will start with what I did like and that was the way this book depicts the struggles faced by new mothers adjusting to life with a newborn, whether it is your first child or not. The relentless, exhausting, physically and emotionally draining reality of caring for a new baby while recovering from childbirth was described in such truthful language that it was pretty raw to read at times. I am really pleased to see a book that reflects the reality of this experience for so many mothers.
However, while I liked the topics explored in this book, I really struggled to relate to or even like the protagonist Gigi and this is what let the book down for me. I didn't understand a lot of her decisions and found her outlook quite naïve and this made the book quite frustrating for me.
I was disappointed to not enjoy this book more as I had high hopes for it. But do check out other reviews as so many other readers have raved about it. Thank you to Tandem Collective UK for the copy of this book.
March 3, 2021
Where do I begin?! This book literally has is ALL! Sitting curled up on my sofa under a fluffy blanket, one minute I’m laughing out loud and the next I’m on the verge of tears. It is an emotional rollercoaster of a story that will have you gripped from the first few pages.
Ilona has an innate beauty in her writing that makes this book an effortless, joy to read and I cannot wait until she releases more work because if it is anything like this one.... she will have a crazy super fan for life 🙈😍👌🏽.
💭 My thoughts 💭
Set against the backdrop of 9/11 this book tackles some serious, real life issues such as loss, grief, class, sexism and depression. With such a multitude of triggering topics I was unsure how delicately they would be dealt with but Ilona handles them all with the utmost care and respect.
The story is depicted through the eyes of Gigi....
Raised in a working class home on Staten Island we see her life turned upside down and watch her constantly struggle to adapt to a new life whilst holding on to the pain & trauma of her past.
We begin with Gigi walking out of her London home and leaving behind her Husband and children. She checks into a nearby hotel and completely unravels & falls apart. As she lays in the dingy hotel room she tries to piece together her past & her present to try and figure out what she wants for her future!
Gigi is a strong woman who has finally come to breaking point! I think most women could relate to her on some level, which makes her ultimately a lovable character that you just want the best for.
Gigi struggles to live with the pain of losing her brother and this is such a trigger issue for me as I lost my sister too when I was 20. So I won’t lie and say that reading those pages was not hard for me but I found it made me really connect with Gigi. I could understand her pain, her torment and her grief and this made it a very cathartic read for me.
This is without a doubt my favourite read of the year so far. Heart breaking and heart warming, this is just a beautiful book to read ❤️
Ilona has an innate beauty in her writing that makes this book an effortless, joy to read and I cannot wait until she releases more work because if it is anything like this one.... she will have a crazy super fan for life 🙈😍👌🏽.
💭 My thoughts 💭
Set against the backdrop of 9/11 this book tackles some serious, real life issues such as loss, grief, class, sexism and depression. With such a multitude of triggering topics I was unsure how delicately they would be dealt with but Ilona handles them all with the utmost care and respect.
The story is depicted through the eyes of Gigi....
Raised in a working class home on Staten Island we see her life turned upside down and watch her constantly struggle to adapt to a new life whilst holding on to the pain & trauma of her past.
We begin with Gigi walking out of her London home and leaving behind her Husband and children. She checks into a nearby hotel and completely unravels & falls apart. As she lays in the dingy hotel room she tries to piece together her past & her present to try and figure out what she wants for her future!
Gigi is a strong woman who has finally come to breaking point! I think most women could relate to her on some level, which makes her ultimately a lovable character that you just want the best for.
Gigi struggles to live with the pain of losing her brother and this is such a trigger issue for me as I lost my sister too when I was 20. So I won’t lie and say that reading those pages was not hard for me but I found it made me really connect with Gigi. I could understand her pain, her torment and her grief and this made it a very cathartic read for me.
This is without a doubt my favourite read of the year so far. Heart breaking and heart warming, this is just a beautiful book to read ❤️
March 30, 2021
Thank you Doubleday Books for the gifted copy.
While I don't search for emotional reads, when I find one that hits on so many levels, I just know it will be one that stays with me. This book has all the feels wrapped up in one story and I couldn't have loved it more.
While I don't necessarily search for books that touch upon 9/11, this one does so in such an honest yet truly raw way, but that doesn't remain the focus of this book. What ultimately is the focus is how we come to deal with grief and how we learn to love others when we don't always love ourselves and when that love that we have for others is continually pushed to the limits.
I loved how the book was structured, moving back and forth in time so that we had a full picture of what pushed Gigi to the edge. I may not have kids, but there are times I have certainly felt at my wits end and have just wanted to be recognized for all that I do...I get it! But it's so much more than just the little things. There are deep-rooted issues here and it is so expertly explored in this novel.
This may be a fun, flippant book at times, with mention of The Housewives of wherever (so not my thing!), which was great to lighten the mood, but it was also such a deep dive into how we internalize grief, how we put such pressure on ourselves as women to be the best at whatever it is we are doing - whether it be our role as a mother, a wife, our profession, or any combination of the three.
I loved reading this book. I loved the characters and I loved the emotional journey it took me on. This book is one that will stay with me for quite some time and I cannot recommend it enough. It's both thought-provoking and inspiring. And I definitely cannot wait to see what comes next from this talented author...for a debut novel, Ilona Bannister certainly knocked it out of the park with this one!
You can see all my reviews at: https://alwayswithabook.blogspot.com
While I don't search for emotional reads, when I find one that hits on so many levels, I just know it will be one that stays with me. This book has all the feels wrapped up in one story and I couldn't have loved it more.
While I don't necessarily search for books that touch upon 9/11, this one does so in such an honest yet truly raw way, but that doesn't remain the focus of this book. What ultimately is the focus is how we come to deal with grief and how we learn to love others when we don't always love ourselves and when that love that we have for others is continually pushed to the limits.
I loved how the book was structured, moving back and forth in time so that we had a full picture of what pushed Gigi to the edge. I may not have kids, but there are times I have certainly felt at my wits end and have just wanted to be recognized for all that I do...I get it! But it's so much more than just the little things. There are deep-rooted issues here and it is so expertly explored in this novel.
This may be a fun, flippant book at times, with mention of The Housewives of wherever (so not my thing!), which was great to lighten the mood, but it was also such a deep dive into how we internalize grief, how we put such pressure on ourselves as women to be the best at whatever it is we are doing - whether it be our role as a mother, a wife, our profession, or any combination of the three.
I loved reading this book. I loved the characters and I loved the emotional journey it took me on. This book is one that will stay with me for quite some time and I cannot recommend it enough. It's both thought-provoking and inspiring. And I definitely cannot wait to see what comes next from this talented author...for a debut novel, Ilona Bannister certainly knocked it out of the park with this one!
You can see all my reviews at: https://alwayswithabook.blogspot.com
February 7, 2023
Most fiction novels glorify motherhood, pregnancy and everything that comes along with it. Sure, it will touch on postpartum depression and the likes, but usually just glosses over it or adds a small snippet into the life of it. When I Ran Away dives deep into PPD, PPA, postpartum rage and all the not so shiny sides of pregnancy and motherhood. Please be aware going into this that is is deep, dark, heavy and raw.
I have never tabbed, annotated or written in a book, but this one was a first that I had to tab pages because I connected so unbelievably deeply with certain passages. Not only as a mother, but also just a woman, I felt so seen, appreciated and understood while reading this book. It covered so many things that women and mothers deal with every single day but aren’t really discussed - just expected of us.
I will admit that there were times reading this book that I was angry with it. I was angry with Gigi and couldn’t understand why she was so angry and so distraught with what happened to her and her life - but the more I read, the more I realized THAT is the problem with motherhood. No one else’s journey is yours to judge, to comment on or to make assumptions about. It doesn’t matter what you experienced or went through, someone else’s journey is not yours and you absolutely cannot judge/comment or give an opinion on. I think every mother, when they are ready, should give this book a read. This is a book that does not sugarcoat the ugly sides of motherhood, which is something I truly feel like more people need to know and understand.
Thank you Jamie (@jamie.bookworm) for this book, for walking me through my read of it and digesting it with me so I could fully enjoy it properly.
I have never tabbed, annotated or written in a book, but this one was a first that I had to tab pages because I connected so unbelievably deeply with certain passages. Not only as a mother, but also just a woman, I felt so seen, appreciated and understood while reading this book. It covered so many things that women and mothers deal with every single day but aren’t really discussed - just expected of us.
I will admit that there were times reading this book that I was angry with it. I was angry with Gigi and couldn’t understand why she was so angry and so distraught with what happened to her and her life - but the more I read, the more I realized THAT is the problem with motherhood. No one else’s journey is yours to judge, to comment on or to make assumptions about. It doesn’t matter what you experienced or went through, someone else’s journey is not yours and you absolutely cannot judge/comment or give an opinion on. I think every mother, when they are ready, should give this book a read. This is a book that does not sugarcoat the ugly sides of motherhood, which is something I truly feel like more people need to know and understand.
Thank you Jamie (@jamie.bookworm) for this book, for walking me through my read of it and digesting it with me so I could fully enjoy it properly.
March 3, 2021
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. Unfortunately, this was really not a book that I enjoyed. It is beautifully written, and the cover of the book is colourful and eyecatching but I was bored by the content. Nothing really seems to happen, and as a lover of thrillers, suspense, and action, I was bored by this book.
Basically, a woman called Gigi lost her brother on 9/11 when he was attending a job interview in one of the twin towers. Obviously, she was devastated by this and I can understand how such a tragedy can affect your future. Fast forward a few years and Gigi is a mother of two, and she's not coping with life. She's irritated by her partner and overwhelmed by motherhood and life in general. She decides to leave and go to a hotel without telling her family. There's a lot of flashbacks to the past and conversations between Gigi and her friends. She goes back to her family after wallowing for a bit. As I said, not a lot really happens.
I found myself skim-reading a lot and not feeling like I was missing much. Maybe part of my lack of enjoyment in this book was that I couldn't relate to Gigi's problems, I'm not sure. I wanted to like it, but I didn't. C'est le vie, I'm sure plenty of people will love it.
Basically, a woman called Gigi lost her brother on 9/11 when he was attending a job interview in one of the twin towers. Obviously, she was devastated by this and I can understand how such a tragedy can affect your future. Fast forward a few years and Gigi is a mother of two, and she's not coping with life. She's irritated by her partner and overwhelmed by motherhood and life in general. She decides to leave and go to a hotel without telling her family. There's a lot of flashbacks to the past and conversations between Gigi and her friends. She goes back to her family after wallowing for a bit. As I said, not a lot really happens.
I found myself skim-reading a lot and not feeling like I was missing much. Maybe part of my lack of enjoyment in this book was that I couldn't relate to Gigi's problems, I'm not sure. I wanted to like it, but I didn't. C'est le vie, I'm sure plenty of people will love it.
November 8, 2020
I cannot recommend pre-ordering this book enough.
Heartbreaking, laugh-out-loud uplifting, raw, and authentic, Gigi's story will dig its claws into you and won't let you go... for years. I am delighted that this book has found a publisher. In 2017, I was in Ilona's Faber & Faber WIP group, and read the first drafts and watched this book take shape. Back then, I knew this was a bestseller. You'll take those highs and lows with Gigi and her family and friends, and cry and cheer out loud as you do, because you will love her.
Heartbreaking, laugh-out-loud uplifting, raw, and authentic, Gigi's story will dig its claws into you and won't let you go... for years. I am delighted that this book has found a publisher. In 2017, I was in Ilona's Faber & Faber WIP group, and read the first drafts and watched this book take shape. Back then, I knew this was a bestseller. You'll take those highs and lows with Gigi and her family and friends, and cry and cheer out loud as you do, because you will love her.
July 12, 2021
2.5 This author can create a setting so real you can reach out and touch fake wood paneling with your own fingertips. The beginning was amazingly raw and real, but halfway through I started to tire of her privileged woe is me.
April 2, 2021
As the Twin Towers collapsed during 911, Gigi Stanislawski flees her office and helps a familiar man named Harry, a regular at her favorite coffee shop. She brings Harry to her parent's house and waits for her brother, who never comes home. This book had the most amazing depiction and emotional expression of 9/11 than anything I've ever read in any form: article, book, fiction, nonfiction. Many images have become iconic, yet individual experiences haven't always been at the forefront.
Some of the details the author put in about Harry's shoes and how the tiny dots in his wingtips were filled in with ash, things like that, just wow. Her characters were so developed, and I love how the people from Staten Island got center stage - the gold chains, the T-shirts, the white Nikes, and the baggy jeans. Staten Island is a very colorful place that we don't see in fiction.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/ilo...
Some of the details the author put in about Harry's shoes and how the tiny dots in his wingtips were filled in with ash, things like that, just wow. Her characters were so developed, and I love how the people from Staten Island got center stage - the gold chains, the T-shirts, the white Nikes, and the baggy jeans. Staten Island is a very colorful place that we don't see in fiction.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/ilo...
March 31, 2021
Simply Beautiful! Loved it! this book is pure nirvana. It brought me to my knees. After finishing the last page, I wanted to reach out to every literary reader I know and say, “You must read this.”
The fact that this is Ilona Bannister's first novel is pretty amazing to me. Her writing will break you, move you, and heal you -all at once and she offers no regrets only explanations of why, how, and when she decided to choose such subjects to tackle with the upmost of respect, dignity, and courage.
Bravo, Ilona Bannister.
The fact that this is Ilona Bannister's first novel is pretty amazing to me. Her writing will break you, move you, and heal you -all at once and she offers no regrets only explanations of why, how, and when she decided to choose such subjects to tackle with the upmost of respect, dignity, and courage.
Bravo, Ilona Bannister.
March 12, 2021
Wow, just .. Wow! what an amazing book.
I started off not really liking the characters at all, but then I became completely absorbed, to the point where I was thinking about the book at work and wanting to get back to it.
The writing is extraordinary, its a stream-of-consciousness style of writing, very raw and sometimes un nervingly so.
At the start we are in the middle of 9/11 as it unfolds and the main characters meet, but as it progresses Gigi's pain and trauma mirrors that of New York on that awful day. Her childhood experiences begin to infringe on her marriage and friendships while she struggles with motherhood and depression in a strange new land far from home.
This book is about childhood hurt, relationships and healing, it is really beautifully written and Im actually sad to finish reading, very highly recommend it.
Thank you to John Murray Press, Two Roads and Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review.
I started off not really liking the characters at all, but then I became completely absorbed, to the point where I was thinking about the book at work and wanting to get back to it.
The writing is extraordinary, its a stream-of-consciousness style of writing, very raw and sometimes un nervingly so.
At the start we are in the middle of 9/11 as it unfolds and the main characters meet, but as it progresses Gigi's pain and trauma mirrors that of New York on that awful day. Her childhood experiences begin to infringe on her marriage and friendships while she struggles with motherhood and depression in a strange new land far from home.
This book is about childhood hurt, relationships and healing, it is really beautifully written and Im actually sad to finish reading, very highly recommend it.
Thank you to John Murray Press, Two Roads and Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review.
February 17, 2021
After trying for the last month to get into a romcom, I picked up this ARC a couple hours ago just to occupy myself for a second and as soon as I read one page I couldn’t stop. The grief, the anger, the helplessness – I can’t remember the last time I read something with such palpable feeling, able to describe through feeling and paint the perfect picture of the scene, and best yet, truly be in someone’s head. This is so f*cking good. I really can’t properly describe how wonderful and gratifying a read this was for me.
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