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All That I Remember About Dean Cola
The boys from back home stand beside the bed, watching her bleed onto the white sheet. ‘He only said to scare her,’ one of them says.
Sidney is happily married to her firefighter husband and thinking about having a child, but her life has been marred by psychotic breakdowns. Haunted by memories of Dean Cola — the teenage crush who is an essential piece of the puzzle that is her past — she returns to the town where she grew up. Something unthinkable happened there, but is she strong enough to face it?
A compelling portrait of mental illness, memory, and the ways that the years when we ‘come of age’ can be twisted into trauma.
Sidney is happily married to her firefighter husband and thinking about having a child, but her life has been marred by psychotic breakdowns. Haunted by memories of Dean Cola — the teenage crush who is an essential piece of the puzzle that is her past — she returns to the town where she grew up. Something unthinkable happened there, but is she strong enough to face it?
A compelling portrait of mental illness, memory, and the ways that the years when we ‘come of age’ can be twisted into trauma.
304 pages, Paperback
Published June 1, 2021
2 people are currently reading
188 people want to read
About the author
Tania Chandler
4 books29 followersTania Chandler is a Melbourne-based writer, writing teacher, and editor. 'All That I Remember About Dean Cola' is her third novel.
https://linktr.ee/taniachandler
https://linktr.ee/taniachandler
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
May 9, 2021
⭐️4 Stars⭐️
'I have a sensation, though, that I can’t forget - like cold worms in dirt crawling under my skin. Like being buried alive’.
All That I Remember About Dean Cola by Tania Chandler is a compelling read, eye opening and written with sensitivity. It's an unnerving psychological drama with a conclusion that will shock!
After a breakdown Sidney is haunted by long ago memories of her teenage crush Dean Cola and her foggy past. She is currently happily married to firefighter Christos and he wants them to have a baby.
We take a harrowing journey into Sidney’s past to find out what happened at Sandro D’Angelo’s party during a night of absolute terror……
Sidney suffers from mental illness and psychotic breakdowns so this is an eye opener to the trauma of this condition. So what really happened to Dean Cola?
A enjoyable and intriguing read.
Publication date - June 1st 2021
Thank you to Scribe Publications for an ARC to review.
'I have a sensation, though, that I can’t forget - like cold worms in dirt crawling under my skin. Like being buried alive’.
All That I Remember About Dean Cola by Tania Chandler is a compelling read, eye opening and written with sensitivity. It's an unnerving psychological drama with a conclusion that will shock!
After a breakdown Sidney is haunted by long ago memories of her teenage crush Dean Cola and her foggy past. She is currently happily married to firefighter Christos and he wants them to have a baby.
We take a harrowing journey into Sidney’s past to find out what happened at Sandro D’Angelo’s party during a night of absolute terror……
Sidney suffers from mental illness and psychotic breakdowns so this is an eye opener to the trauma of this condition. So what really happened to Dean Cola?
A enjoyable and intriguing read.
Publication date - June 1st 2021
Thank you to Scribe Publications for an ARC to review.
July 31, 2021
A very propulsive weekend read, which I found myself reluctant to put down. Chandler does more than the average mystery-writer, exploring the long term impacts of trauma with a sensitivity and insight which exceeded my expectations. Her treatment of mental illness is thoughtful. It adds layers to the plotting of this mystery, without being gimmicky. It kept me guessing for just the right amount of time. This was an engaging and original novel.
Thanks to Scribe who sent me a copy of this for review.
Thanks to Scribe who sent me a copy of this for review.
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August 3, 2021Sensitive yet unflinching.
Anne Buist, author of The Long Shadow and Two Steps Onward
A heart-shaking and unputdownable novel about perception. About the multitude of dangers in people and in words, the complexity of memory and trauma, and the depths of truth in emotion.
Angela Meyer, author of A Superior Spectre
A vivid and compelling novel of character, community, and the past. With exquisitely rendered psychological subtlety and unflinching gaze, it peels back the layers of memory, trauma, and time; at its centre is the wonderful Sidney, broken but resilient, and her unwavering drive to uncover the truth that will set her free.
Lucy Treloar, author of Wolfe Island
All That I Remember About Dean Cola is an absorbing, suspenseful narrative about the precariousness of memory, a brutalising misogyny, and the possibilities of resistance to oppressive masculine power.
Susan Midalia, Australian Book Review
All That I Remember About Dean Cola is an unflinchingly yet ultimately hopeful portrait of a woman dealing with demons, and an exquisitely written look at trauma and memory.
The Australian
[All That I Remember About Dean Cola] is a challenging but rewarding journey through mental illness, trauma, resilience and the truth - even when it is unbearably painful to unearth.
Carina Bruce, The Herald Sun
Anne Buist, author of The Long Shadow and Two Steps Onward
A heart-shaking and unputdownable novel about perception. About the multitude of dangers in people and in words, the complexity of memory and trauma, and the depths of truth in emotion.
Angela Meyer, author of A Superior Spectre
A vivid and compelling novel of character, community, and the past. With exquisitely rendered psychological subtlety and unflinching gaze, it peels back the layers of memory, trauma, and time; at its centre is the wonderful Sidney, broken but resilient, and her unwavering drive to uncover the truth that will set her free.
Lucy Treloar, author of Wolfe Island
All That I Remember About Dean Cola is an absorbing, suspenseful narrative about the precariousness of memory, a brutalising misogyny, and the possibilities of resistance to oppressive masculine power.
Susan Midalia, Australian Book Review
All That I Remember About Dean Cola is an unflinchingly yet ultimately hopeful portrait of a woman dealing with demons, and an exquisitely written look at trauma and memory.
The Australian
[All That I Remember About Dean Cola] is a challenging but rewarding journey through mental illness, trauma, resilience and the truth - even when it is unbearably painful to unearth.
Carina Bruce, The Herald Sun
February 27, 2021
I was lucky enough to get an advance copy. A beautifully written book exploring memory and mental illness & how our experiences growing up shape us. Gentle pace allowing the reader to question assumptions and enjoy, as in her other books, prose that paints the picture and takes us to the character’s world.
July 28, 2022
I loved the way this story unfolded. Brilliant writing that increased in urgency as both the reader and the protagonist fight to figure out the truth. An engrossing story.
December 2, 2021
Tania Chandler’s story of old crimes crawling out into the light begins with adult protagonist, Sidney, rediscovering an old school art textbook in a packing box and the poem she’d written as a teenager folded inside its pages. The box also contains her 1989 diary, written curiously in the third person, the last entry noting that she is going to a party with her crush, Dean Cola. Sidney studies the poem and the diary entries and she tries to remember what Dean looked like, but she knows her meds are muddying the waters.
Sidney clearly has a troubled history. She wears pressure bandages over her long-ago burned hands, sees a therapist and takes medication to manage her mental health disorders. She also secretly takes the Pill, though she and her attentive husband/carer Christos (a firefighter) are meant to be trying for a baby.
Disturbed by this memory of Dean Cola, which she can’t quite grasp, and haunted by snippets of other memories that never coalesce, Sidney tries to assemble the fragments of her memory – and to do that, she goes off her meds.
Before long, the “I” of the narrative is displaced by the disassociative “she” of the diaries. Sidney’s home life and work life become less lucid as she stumbles toward the past – the time and place where she burned her hands, where frightening snatches of dialogue break through to the surface, and Dean Cola’s name is a sinister mantra.
With memory playing tricks, revealing only enough to be alarming, present Sidney returns to her late mother’s house seeking her second, missing diary. We also watch as 16-year-old Sidney navigates school, family, boys, parties, and the onset of her first psychotic breakdown.
All That I Remember About Dean Cola is mesmerising and chilling. It’s also intriguingly topsy-turvy, beginning with small fragmented chapters that become slowly more cohesive as Sidney gives up her chemically assisted “sanity” to allow her illness and the voices in her head guide her towards the truth.
Inexorably, the past is revealed in all its abusive horror. The unvarnished portrayal of it can make for hard reading, but that same eyes-open gaze is also part of why it works. There is no painting over this truth, or presenting it in a softer light. But a naked truth is necessary to free Sidney from this awful past.
Tania Chandler gives us a compassionate portrayal of Sidney’s mental illness while keeping the atmosphere tense about what Sidney may have done or experienced. The narrative is often deeply uncomfortable, but the unfolding story also lights a path for Sidney’s future. It’s a gripping novel and a brilliant achievement.
Sidney clearly has a troubled history. She wears pressure bandages over her long-ago burned hands, sees a therapist and takes medication to manage her mental health disorders. She also secretly takes the Pill, though she and her attentive husband/carer Christos (a firefighter) are meant to be trying for a baby.
Disturbed by this memory of Dean Cola, which she can’t quite grasp, and haunted by snippets of other memories that never coalesce, Sidney tries to assemble the fragments of her memory – and to do that, she goes off her meds.
Before long, the “I” of the narrative is displaced by the disassociative “she” of the diaries. Sidney’s home life and work life become less lucid as she stumbles toward the past – the time and place where she burned her hands, where frightening snatches of dialogue break through to the surface, and Dean Cola’s name is a sinister mantra.
With memory playing tricks, revealing only enough to be alarming, present Sidney returns to her late mother’s house seeking her second, missing diary. We also watch as 16-year-old Sidney navigates school, family, boys, parties, and the onset of her first psychotic breakdown.
All That I Remember About Dean Cola is mesmerising and chilling. It’s also intriguingly topsy-turvy, beginning with small fragmented chapters that become slowly more cohesive as Sidney gives up her chemically assisted “sanity” to allow her illness and the voices in her head guide her towards the truth.
Inexorably, the past is revealed in all its abusive horror. The unvarnished portrayal of it can make for hard reading, but that same eyes-open gaze is also part of why it works. There is no painting over this truth, or presenting it in a softer light. But a naked truth is necessary to free Sidney from this awful past.
Tania Chandler gives us a compassionate portrayal of Sidney’s mental illness while keeping the atmosphere tense about what Sidney may have done or experienced. The narrative is often deeply uncomfortable, but the unfolding story also lights a path for Sidney’s future. It’s a gripping novel and a brilliant achievement.
July 16, 2021
This is Tania Chandler’s third novel and, as you would hope with an author’s career path, her best yet. The characters are vivid and the writing exquisite. Chandler holds the tension so tightly that i was drawn through the story. The story explores mental health and adolescent love so well that it is hard not to be drawn into Sidney’s world and stages of delusion and post traumatic stress as she tries to dissect the truth from her muddled memories. An excellent read.
July 28, 2022
Tania has written a brilliant novel that delves into mental illness/ schizophrenia, trauma and emotions.
Sidney whilst also wanting to unravel a past that she doesn’t fully understand revisits where she grew up to find answers. This is a compelling novel a page turner that will have you urging Sidney to continue going forward until she gets her answers.
Sidney whilst also wanting to unravel a past that she doesn’t fully understand revisits where she grew up to find answers. This is a compelling novel a page turner that will have you urging Sidney to continue going forward until she gets her answers.
May 2, 2021
Confronting but brilliant.
August 6, 2022
I finished my second reading of the book about 15 minutes before meeting the author today. The book contained many layers and explored mental illness and teenage relationships. A wonderful book!
September 11, 2021
A woman wrestles with trauma and mental health issues as she pieces together fragments of her past with cunning and determination. All That I Remember About Dean Cola demands the turning of pages as it dishes up excellent 80s references and dialogue within a compelling plot. This will hit the lockdown spot.
February 17, 2022
Loved this so much! What a great debut from an Australian author. Highly recommended.
February 10, 2022
An intense, disorienting but compelling narrative of reality and psychotic fantasy, characters revert and invert, a fatal attraction and disaffection all intertwine to a car-crash of a resolution! 5 stars!
April 1, 2023
I had to give this one 5 stars as I was just unable to put it down, I kept reading, kept turning the pages, held captive to the words before me. A sad read, a book of depth and loss.
September 22, 2021
Tania Chandler tackles difficult subject matter in this book, namely the impact of physical and psychological trauma on survivors; the experience of living with a mental health condition in a society that stigmatises and the shifting quality and reliability of memory. Chandler writes a complex story with a deft and confident hand, using character to propel the plot to its devastating final reveal.
July 4, 2022
Loved this book! Such a real honest look at serious mental health issues. The mystery storyline had me hooked - I just kept turning the page! Well written. Warning - might be a little triggering for some.
June 7, 2021
- thanks to @scribepub and @booksontherail for my #gifted copy
Every time I pick up a new book, especially one from an author I haven’t read before, I try to be as objectively blind as possible. Meaning, I always try my best to manage my expectations and avoid any research about the book, like reading reviews, for example. Why? Because we are all biased readers just as we are, and I try my hardest to steer clear of anything that could be detrimental to my reading experience.
This is just a fancy introduction to summarise how happy I am that I went into this novel completely blind. Considering I read an average of over two hundred books a year, I’m seldom positively surprised. However, Chandler’s latest novel blew my mind.
The narrative does not have a clear direction for the first half of the book, as it is all about Sidney and her mental state. Her characterisation is excellent, solid and well-defined, as it was effortless to get a sense of who is Sidney and what’s happening to her. However, plot-wise, nothing much happens until halfway through the novel, as Sidney is trying to navigate the intricacies of an unhappy marriage while refusing to take her medications.
Getting to know Sidney was the perfect build-up for the last third of the book, one of the most satisfactory and exciting endings I’ve ever read. There is a significant plot twist that I did not expect, even though towards the end, I had started to doubt the details behind Sidney’s so-called ‘episodes’. The novel’s brilliant conclusion can only be a consequence of the author’s outstanding writing style, which portrayed mental illness as raw and intimate.
Overall, All That I Remember About Dean Cola is a must-read novel about young love, possession, trauma and mental illness. A thoroughly fascinating narrative that delves into the power of perception, time and truth. Utterly confronting and electrifyingly challenging at times yet impossible to put down thanks to the author’s talent and out-of-the-norm writing style. I will not get tired of recommending this novel; please do yourself a favour and read it.
Every time I pick up a new book, especially one from an author I haven’t read before, I try to be as objectively blind as possible. Meaning, I always try my best to manage my expectations and avoid any research about the book, like reading reviews, for example. Why? Because we are all biased readers just as we are, and I try my hardest to steer clear of anything that could be detrimental to my reading experience.
This is just a fancy introduction to summarise how happy I am that I went into this novel completely blind. Considering I read an average of over two hundred books a year, I’m seldom positively surprised. However, Chandler’s latest novel blew my mind.
The narrative does not have a clear direction for the first half of the book, as it is all about Sidney and her mental state. Her characterisation is excellent, solid and well-defined, as it was effortless to get a sense of who is Sidney and what’s happening to her. However, plot-wise, nothing much happens until halfway through the novel, as Sidney is trying to navigate the intricacies of an unhappy marriage while refusing to take her medications.
Getting to know Sidney was the perfect build-up for the last third of the book, one of the most satisfactory and exciting endings I’ve ever read. There is a significant plot twist that I did not expect, even though towards the end, I had started to doubt the details behind Sidney’s so-called ‘episodes’. The novel’s brilliant conclusion can only be a consequence of the author’s outstanding writing style, which portrayed mental illness as raw and intimate.
Overall, All That I Remember About Dean Cola is a must-read novel about young love, possession, trauma and mental illness. A thoroughly fascinating narrative that delves into the power of perception, time and truth. Utterly confronting and electrifyingly challenging at times yet impossible to put down thanks to the author’s talent and out-of-the-norm writing style. I will not get tired of recommending this novel; please do yourself a favour and read it.
April 5, 2022
Sidney lives a perfect life in the inner suburbs of Melbourne with her perfect firefighter husband, Christos, who can’t wait to have children with her. Although Sidney’s frequent bouts of psychosis have been debilitating, she’s managing much better these days with the support of her husband. But why does she have such big gaps in her memory from her late teenage years, and who the hell is Dean Cola?
This book was such a great psychological drama and I can’t believe I haven’t seen it on bookstagram AT ALL. Not only was the psychological suspense well-executed, but the writing was beautifully descriptive and the scene-setting in the Australian bush was vivid. You don’t often get that in a psych drama.
I just loved Sidney, and I wanted to wrap her up in a big hug. This is such a great (fictionalised) portrayal of how complex trauma can compound, and exacerbate mental illness, and how people who experience mental illness are more vulnerable to having violence perpetrated against them.
My only criticism is that I did find the way the story unfolded and the direction it took to be a bit predictable. I felt like I knew what would happen very early on, and it followed quite a common psychological drama trope, which I don’t want to name because it would be a huge spoiler.
That aside, nearly two weeks later I am still thinking about this one. The mark of a good book!
This book was such a great psychological drama and I can’t believe I haven’t seen it on bookstagram AT ALL. Not only was the psychological suspense well-executed, but the writing was beautifully descriptive and the scene-setting in the Australian bush was vivid. You don’t often get that in a psych drama.
I just loved Sidney, and I wanted to wrap her up in a big hug. This is such a great (fictionalised) portrayal of how complex trauma can compound, and exacerbate mental illness, and how people who experience mental illness are more vulnerable to having violence perpetrated against them.
My only criticism is that I did find the way the story unfolded and the direction it took to be a bit predictable. I felt like I knew what would happen very early on, and it followed quite a common psychological drama trope, which I don’t want to name because it would be a huge spoiler.
That aside, nearly two weeks later I am still thinking about this one. The mark of a good book!
August 13, 2022
Harrowing, psychological redemption
June 18, 2023
Heavy themes of mental illness, inter-generational trauma, and family abuse … so not a light read, but well-written and certainly a page-turner.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews