Confessions of a convert

by Robert Hugh Benson, Mary Tyler

This is a pre-1923 historical reproduction that was curated for quality. Quality assurance was conducted on each of these books in an attempt to remove books with imperfections introduced by the digitization process. Though we have made best efforts - the books may have occasional errors that do not impede the reading experience. We believe this work is culturally important and have elected to bring the book back into print as part of our continuing commitment to the preservation of printed works worldwide.

Genres: Catholic, Religion, Biography, Christian, Nonfiction, Theology, Biography Memoir

Paperback

First published January 1, 1907

About the author

Mrsgr. Robert Hugh Benson AFSC KC*SG KGCHS was an English Catholic priest and writer. First an Anglican pastor, he was received into the Catholic Church in 1903 and ordained therein the next year. He was also a prolific writer of fiction, writing the notable dystopian novel Lord of the World, as well as Come Rack! Come Rope!.

His output encompassed historical, horror and science fiction, contemporary fiction, children's stories, plays, apologetics, devotional works and articles. He continued his writing career at the same time as he progressed through the hierarchy to become a Chamberlain to Pope Pius X in 1911, and gain the title of Monsignor before his death a few years later.

Reviews

[booklady · Rating 4 out of 5]

A spiritual autobiography which also gives good descriptions of the English Catholic and Anglican churches in the early 20th century. It is personal, insightful and extremely well-written. He also gives his thoughts on some of his works of fiction, which as a fan I especially appreciated.

[Irene · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a classic spiritual memoir. Benson, an Anglican priest and the son of an Anglican priest, became attracted to Catholic sacramental theology, devotional practices and historical continuity with the apostolic era. He joined several other high profile late 19th century men who left the Anglican Church for the Catholic Church in search of greater ritual, tradition and doctrinal certitude.

[Madeleine Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seek the truth, and God will find you

I have read one other work by Father Benson, Lord of the World, an amazing prophetic, apocalyptic novel, marred only by his somewhat archaic style. This work speaks more plainly, perhaps because it is autobiographical, perhaps because Benson is speaking from his heart, without projecting a future persons that probably did not come so easily. Benson's honesty and clarity in describing his spiritual and intellectual journey from Anglican cleric to Roman Catholic priest is, for me, the most appealing aspect of this work. He does not spare his dignity in recounting the various reactions of family and colleagues, the criticism, slander, accusations, pity, sadness, and praise he met with even before making his final choice.

These responses in their turn only prompted a greater resolve to explore further all aspects of Catholicism, attempting to understand its Catholicity, that is, its universal and timeless truth that stands firm against the sin and shame and flawed reasoning of human nature, universal truth of Jesus Christ and the Gospels, and the necessity of accepting God's grace.

It is only through that grace, and with it the power of the Holy Spirit, that the weak human intellect can grasp God's word and believe it, especially those parts that non-Christians find difficult or impossible to accept. For example, the rich young man in the Gospel who wanted spiritual perfection but walked away from Jesus unable to let go of his many possessions, or King Henry VIII who could not accept the Pope's refusal to annul his marriage to Catherine of Aragon, or the random dogmas that sometimes prevent our total surrender to God's will. All these obstacles to faith must be overcome with grace, and man must be a willing collaborator to confirm his wholehearted trust in God. What Benson writes between the lines is the process of divine grace at work in a sincere soul who seeks truth. As one of my own religious mentors said once, "if you are honestly seeking the truth, God will find you."

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was truly a pleasure to read. It reads more biographical than apologetical, but in that sense it feels very much as if reading the life of a saint. Benson's prose is marvelous; and the book is so engaging that only work could force me to put it down. The man's spiritual journey, his perseverance, his prayer make for delightful reading and a witness of a life worth imitating.

[Celia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very personal account of the conversion of the son of the Archbishop of Canterbury to Catholicism.

I appreciated but did not fully understand Benson's tortuous journey from Anglicanism to Catholicism. The understanding might come if I study a little more what the Anglican believes. Something I DO understand: being the son of a high Anglican figure, the conversion must have been painful.

Benson is a good writer and has written other books. I plan to read Lord of the World
some day.

4 stars

[Tyler Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Robert Hugh Benson was an Anglican priest and son of the archbishop of Canterbury at the turn of the 20th century. This is his autobiography of his spiritual pilgrimage that led to his conversion to Catholicism. I resonated with so many of the reasons that moved him to convert. I found his writing profound and moving, even poetic!

I rarely reread books or sections of books, but after listening to the book, I went back and physically reread chapters 4-8 because I thought they were so good. Chapters 4, 5, 6, & 8 were especially profound for me. I have so many quotes I would like to copy and paste that I can't choose! I'll pick just a few and put them below.

I listened to the book on YouTube here (https://youtu.be/9CeU_B-01MY?si=0-3AM...) and read it online here (https://archives.nd.edu/episodes/visi...).
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"But I had come to see, as I have already explained, the need of a Teaching Church to preserve and to interpret the truths of Christianity to each succeeding generation. It is only a dead religion to which written records are sufficient; a living religion must be able to adapt itself to changing environment without losing its own identity. One thing, therefore, is absolutely certain -- that if Christianity is, as I believe it, a real Revelation, the Teaching Church must at any rate know her own mind with regard to the treasure committed to her care, and supremely on those points on which the salvation of her children depends. She may be undecided and permit divergent views on purely speculative points; she may allow her theologians, for instance, to argue, unchecked, for centuries as to the modes by which God acts, or as to the best philosophical terms for the elucidation of mysteries, or as to the precise limits of certain of her own powers and the manners of their exercise. But in things that directly and practically affect souls -- with regard to the fact of grace, its channels, the things necessary for salvation, and the rest -- she must not only know her mind, but must be constantly declaring it, and no less constantly silencing those who would obscure or misinterpret it....

The way in which many [Anglican] clergy escape from this dilemma is very simple. They appeal not to the living voice of the Church of England, but to her written formularies, and they explain those formularies in accordance with their own views. But I was finding it hard to do this sincerely, because I had begun to see that a written formulary can never be decisive in a church where that formulary can be taken in more than one sense -- as it undoubtedly is -- and the authorities not only will not decide as to which is the true sense, but actually tolerate senses that are mutually exclusive. More and more I was beginning to see the absolute need of a living authority who can continue to speak as new interpretations of her former words contend for the mastery. A church that appeals merely to ancient written words can be no more at the best than an antiquarian society." (Chap. 4)
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"This, then, I began to see more and more overwhelmingly: that it is possible, from the huge complications of history, philosophy, exegesis, natural law, and the rest -- and, in fact, every single method of God's indications of His Will -- to make out a case for almost any theory under the sun. The materials from which I was obliged, all incompetent, to judge, were as a vast kaleidoscope of colours. I might say that the main scheme was red and that the rest were accidental, or that it was blue or green or white. Each man, I perceived, had a natural inclination to one theory and tended to select it. It was certainly possible to make out a claim for Anglicanism or the Papacy or Judaism or the system of the Quakers. And on this, almost despairing, I had to set to work. One thing, however, began to emerge ever so slowly; namely, that intellect alone could prove very little. The puzzle which God had flung to me consisted of elements which needed for their solution not the head only, but the heart, the imagination, the intuitions; in fact, the entire human character had to deal with it. It was impossible to escape wholly from natural prejudice, but I must do my best. I must step back a little from the canvas and regard the affair as a whole, not bend over it with a measuring-rod and seek to test the elusive ethereal whole by but one faculty of my nature. Yet at the beginning I only half-realized this and plunged, therefore, blindly into the bewildering maze of controversy." (Chap. 4)
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"And then I suddenly realized clearly what I had only suspected before; namely, that if the Church of Christ was, as I believed it to be, God's way of salvation, it was impossible that the finding of it should be a matter of shrewdness or scholarship; otherwise salvation would be easier for the clever and leisured than for the dull and busy . . . I cannot describe the relief that this thought gave to me. I saw now that my intellectual difficulties were not the real heart of the matter, and that I had no right to be discouraged because I knew myself to be immeasurably the inferior of others who had decided against the cause that was beginning to show itself to me as true." (Chap. 5)
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Finally and supremely, it was the reading of the Scriptures that satisfied me as to the positive claims of Rome. On all sides my friends told me to study the Written Word of God, and, indeed, it was the best advice that could have been given. For both I and they accepted the Scriptures as the inspired Work of God; they, in those Scriptures, interpreted by what they believed to be the Church, found the support of their own views; I, since I had lost belief in the Church to which I belonged, or rather since I failed to hear from that Church any positive interpretation at all, had nothing left but Scripture. I might read controversy for ever and fail to detect the human fallacies that might lie on either side; at least I had better turn to those writings in which confessedly there were none. So, once more I turned to the New Testament, seeking to find some thread that would hold all together, some living authority to which the Scriptures themselves might point, testing, above all, the claims of that authority which on logical and human grounds seemed to me the most consistent of all claims made in Christendom -- the claim of the occupier of Peter's Chair to be the Teacher and Lord of all Christians.

I have been told, of course, that I found that in the New Testament which I had hoped to find; that I had already accepted interiorly the claims of Rome, and therefore forced myself to the conclusion that the Scriptures must support them too. I was bidden to turn again to the theologians for the interpretation of the Scripture -- back again, in fact, to that very tangle of witnesses who, on the whole, seemed to me to support the Petrine position, and whom I had, a little while ago, been advised to leave for God's own Word. Yet what else could I do except honestly to attempt to test by that divine authority the sole claim that, alone in the whole of Christendom, seemed to me consistent, reasonable, historical, practical, satisfactory, and, from the very nature of the case, intrinsically necessary?

Well, I need not say that I found that claim there more evidently and easily than I could find many other doctrines which none the less I readily accepted on Scriptural authority. Dogmas such as that of the Blessed Trinity, sacraments such as that of Confirmation, institutions such as that of Episcopacy -- all these things can indeed, to the Anglican as well as the Catholic mind, be found in Scripture if a man will dig for them. But the Petrine claim needs no digging: it lies like a great jewel, blazing on the surface, when once one has rubbed one's eyes clear of anti-Catholic predisposition. The "One Foundation" declares that on "Cephas" He will build His Church: the Good Shepherd bids the same Cephas, even after he has forfeited, it might seem, all claims on his Lord, to "feed his sheep"; the "Door" gives to Peter the "Keys." In all I found twenty-nine passages of Scripture -- since then I have found a few more -- in which the Petrine prerogative is at any rate implied, and I found not one contrary to or incompatible with its commission. (Chap. 5)
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"He [the Anglican clergyman] asked me whether there were not devotions in the Roman Church to which I felt a repugnance. I told him that there were -- notably the popular devotions to Our Blessed Lady. He then expressed great surprise that I could seriously contemplate submitting to a communion in which I should have to use methods of worship of which I disapproved. I tried in vain to make it clear that I proposed becoming a Roman Catholic not because I was necessarily attracted by her customs, but because I believed that Church to be the Church of God, and that therefore if my opinions on minor details differed from hers, it was all the worse for me; that I had better, in fact, correct my notions as soon as possible, for I should go to Rome not as a critic or a
teacher, but as a child and a learner. I think he thought this an immoral point of view. Religion seemed to him to be a matter more or less of individual choice and tastes.

This interview afforded me one more illustration of the conviction which I had formed to the effect that as a Teaching Body -- as fulfilling, that is, the principal function for which Christ instituted a Church -- the Church of England was hopeless. Here was one of her chief rulers assuming, almost as an axiom, that I must accept only those dogmas that individually happened to recommend themselves to my reason or my temperament." (Chap. 6)
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"I had no kind of emotional attraction towards [the Catholic Church], no illusions of any kind about it. I knew perfectly well that it was human as well as divine, that crimes had been committed within its walls; that the ways and customs and language of its citizens would be other than those of the dear homely town which I had left; that I should find hardness there, unfamiliar manners, even suspicion and blame. But for all that it was divine; it was built upon the Rock of rocks; its foundations were jewelled even if its streets were as hard as gold; and the Lamb was the light of it." (Chap. 6)
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"It is of no use to pile up asseverations, but, in a word, it may be said that to return from the Catholic Church to the Anglican would be the exchange of certitude for doubt, of faith for agnosticism, of substance for shadow, of brilliant light for sombre gloom, of historical, world-wide fact for unhistorical, provincial theory. I do not know how to express myself more mildly than that; though even this, no doubt, will appear a monstrous extravagance, at the least, to the sincere and whole-hearted members of the Anglican communion. Only yesterday, in fact, an educated young High Churchman looked me unblenchingly in the face and said that the "Roman idea is all very well in theory; but as a practical system it does not work -- it does not square with history; whereas the Anglican communion -- !" Well, well!" (Chap. 8)
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"In a word, then, I would say this: that, judging from an experience of nine years as an Anglican clergyman and eight years as a Catholic priest, there are defects in both the Catholic and the Anglican communions; that in the case of the Anglican these defects are vital and radical, since they are flaws in what ought to be divinely intact -- flaws, that is to say, in such things as the certitude of faith, the unity of believers, and the authority of those who should be teachers in the Name of God; and that in the case of the Catholic Church the flaws are merely those of flawed humanity, inseparable from the state of imperfection in which all men are placed. The flaws of Anglicanism, and indeed in Protestantism generally, are evidences that the system is not divine; the flaws in the Catholic system show no more than that it has a human side as well as a divine, and this no Catholic has ever dreamed of denying." (Chap. 8)
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"Here was this city, Renaissance from end to end, set under clear skies and a burning sun; and the religion in it was the soul dwelling in the body. It was the assertion of the reality of the human principle as embodying the divine. Even the exclusive tenets of Christianity were expressed under pagan images. Revelation spoke through forms of natural religion; God dwelt unashamed in the light of day; priests were priests, not aspiring clergymen; they sacrificed, sprinkled lustral water, went in long, rolling processions with incense and lights, and called heaven Olympus. Sacrum Divo Sebastiano, I saw inscribed on a granite altar. I sat under priest-professors who shouted, laughed, and joyously demonstrated before six nations in one lecture room. I saw the picture of the "Father of princes and kings and Lord of the world" exposed in the streets on his name-day, surrounded by flowers and oil lamps, in the manner in which, two centuries ago, other lords of the world were honoured. I went down into the Catacombs on St. Cecilia's Day and St. Valentine's, and smelled the box and the myrtle underfoot that did reverence to the fragrance of their memories, as centuries ago they had done reverence to victors in another kind of contest. In one sentence, I began to understand that "the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us"; that as He took the created substance of a Virgin to fashion for Himself a natural body, so still He takes the created substance of men -- their thoughts, their expressions, and their methods -- to make for Himself that mystical body by which He is with us always; in short, I perceived that "there is nothing secular but sin." Catholicism, then, is "materialistic?" Certainly; it is as materialistic as the Creation and the Incarnation, neither more nor less." (Chap. 8)

[Kerstin · Rating 5 out of 5]

All conversion stories are personal. They reveal the inner life of a person, following through twists and turns and unexpected experiences, on the path to Catholicism. Conversion is not a path you choose but a position you find yourself in. Robert Hugh Benson's story from High Church Anglicanism to Catholicism is such a story. What stood out for me was his heart-wrenching loneliness as he got closer and closer to the final step. Many people around him were well-meaning to help him understand his struggles. But their explanations and solutions focused on externals. Their goal was to keep him within the Anglican fold. And who could blame them? Ultimately they had no understanding where his heart was.

His predecessor of long ago, St. Augustine of Hippo, famously wrote, "Our heart is restless until it rests in You." Benson had no choice but to follow his restless heart. "Tolle lege," "pick up and read" the boy's voice told St. Augustine in that final scene in the garden. Benson too "picked up and read" whatever he thought would help him make sense, and make peace with, where his heart was leading him.

Robert Hugh Benson struck me as a truly gentle soul. A man with deep yearnings, insights, and a keen sense to follow truth. I would have liked to meet him.

[Manny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review to follow.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a convert. And I felt that anguish and questioning as I moved toward the Catholic Church. And now that I’m here in the Church Jesus founded, I see her just as Fr. Benson saw her but his words are a thousand times more descriptive and eloquent than mine. If you’re a convert, read this book! If you’re a cradle Catholic, read this book so you’ll appreciate what you have. If you’re being called to the Catholic Church, read this book and find a friend who’s blazed the path before you. If you are an Anglican, especially, you will appreciate what you have, but you will know that you could have more. Way, way more.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super great book on the inner life of a great conversion into the Church. This book was like reading myself in a different time and place. Easy conversational style reading.

[Manuel Taboada · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me han gustado mucho estas Confesiones de Robert Hugh Benson, por su sinceridad y porque revelan a una persona que buscaba la verdad sin miedo a que, al encontrarla, tuviera que renunciar a todo su pasado y recibir el rechazo de muchos de los que le conocían. El autor describe con franqueza sus dificultades espirituales y sus sentimientos durante todo el proceso, a lo largo del cual la necesidad de vivir una fe coherente se antepone a cualquier emotivismo. Esta lucha interior se refleja en un libro muy humano, que no esconde el dolor detrás de las decisiones, ni las dudas internas. Al observar la diversidad de movimientos y la indefinición de muchos aspectos doctrinales en el seno de la Iglesia de Inglaterra, el protagonista crece en el convencimiento de que debe haber una cabeza que ejerza la autoridad y clarifique la doctrina. Simultáneamente, sus viajes al extranjero, y en especial a Tierra Santa, le hacen ver el carácter local, casi provinciano, del anglicanismo, que fuera de Inglaterra apenas tiene relevancia. Conforme sus dudas crecen, consulta con autoridades eclesiásticas y con correligionarios, y se enfrasca en las discusiones teológicas estudiando los argumentos a favor y en contra de ambas partes, la iglesia romana y la anglicana. Pero la Revelación no se alcanza a través de la sabiduría, sino que se revela a los sencillos y humildes de corazón. Vuelve su mirada a las escrituras y contempla con claridad la primacía de Pedro y su posición como cabeza de la Iglesia. La unidad doctrinal católica contrasta claramente con la heterogeneidad que reina en la Iglesia de Inglaterra, la cual en ocasiones deriva en una auténtica "religión a la carta". Robert Hugh Benson, que se había refugiado en una comunidad religiosa, adquiere el convencimiento de que la verdad está en Roma, e inicia la difícil transición.

[Jairo Fraga · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mais um bom livro de um ex-"sacerdote" anglicano que se tornou padre católico. Aqui conta-se suas confissões que foram anteriormente escritas em artigos de jornais.

O pai do autor foi um anglicano Arcebispo da Cantuária, e o autor seguiu seus passos e virou também um sacerdote anglicano. Aos poucos começou a ser abalada sua fé anglicana e ele começou a pensar que a Igreja Católica Romana podia estar certo e os anglicanos errados. Quando foi para a Europa e Terra Santa, começou a notar a insignificância da igreja Anglicana, que não tinha nenhum espaço, e ele tinha que explicar para as pessoas o que era a igreja Anglicana.

Ao longo do tempo, foi conversando com pessoas de alto calibre da igreja Anglicana, para tentar tirar suas dúvidas, e no geral viu que suas dúvidas não eram respondidas. Como disse um reverendo anglicano para ele, que os dogmas deveriam ser aceitos conforme sua própria razão ou modo de ser.

Resolveu de vez virar católico e em pouco tempo foi ordenado finalmente um padre católico. Um bom livro, em estilo fácil de ler, provavelmente vou buscar ler no futuro outros livros do padre.

Tempo estimado de leitura: 3h

[Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting autobiography. Benson’s detail of the anguish of his wrestling on all fronts presents a memorable story. I appreciate his care in detailing the internal anguish, not simply the external losses. I did find it interesting how long it took for him to come to a conclusion that Rome was the Church, but in being raised by the Archbishop of Canterbury and being an Anglican priest, I suppose that is understandable.

Also of interest to me was his description of Anglicanism and the religion of the North as mystic, in contrast to the more incarnational religion he later found in Rome, as the Anglican communion is generally thought of today as the religion of the incarnation. He does not say either Church holds a monopoly on any aspect of God’s character or life but nonetheless I found it interesting.

I did find it helpful that he said he found deficiencies in Rome as he had in Canterbury. I do think that his description of those deficiencies is obviously biased, though nonetheless noticeable.

[Isabel Hernández · Rating 2 out of 5]

La obra trata la conversión de un clérigo anglicano al catolicismo.

Aunque está bien escrito, no me ha impactado como catolica. Es demasiado dogmático para mi gusto.

Quizás sea más sensible al testimonio un anglicano, por el hecho de que da muchos datos sobre distintos pensamientos y corrientes de Inglaterra. Son datos que no conocía y me parecen demasiado artificiosos.

Se salvan algunos párrafos más espirituales, más emotivos.

Es muy sincero y se muestra muy agradecido, tanto a sus nuevos "compañeros de viaje" en el camino de la Verdad como a antiguos amigos y maestros que le mostraron comprensión en su decisión.

[Carlos Carrasco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Las confesiones de un converso siempre abren la ventana para contemplar su alma. No sólo es compartir el camino del que busca la verdad y una vez la encuentra tiene que conducirse por cañadas oscuras para lograr acercarse y dejarse iluminar por ella. Es además un motivo de inspiración para la propia conversión de cada día. Entendiendo conversión como la búsqueda de la verdad y una vez se encuentra se adhiere a ella con todas sus consecuencias.

[Kristi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book would be of greatest interests to Anglicans who have converted to Catholicism, as Benson did -- or those considering it.

Benson has a beautiful authorial voice. He explains well how although he loved the Anglican Church -- his father was its head, the Archbishop of Canterbury -- the authority of the Catholic Church compelled him to convert after a struggle lasting several years.

[Donna Loomis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent. Makes a compelling case for the Church as the organ of moral authority and revelation. Acknowledges the difficulties that Anglicans or other protestants may have with various practices and even doctrines but concludes that we must come with humility to learn from His church how to love God.

[Trevor Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Benson’s confessions were encouraging to read. The courage he had to convert, based on his conscience, from Anglicanism to Catholicism as the son of the Archbishop of Canterbury is wild. I also appreciated his honesty in the agony that he felt about his conversion. I’m Romishly inclined and it was nice to see someone else describe the internal struggles that I feel when considering church.

[Morning Glory]

Very dry, so much like Newman in his largely intellectual conversion. Amazing to me that someone could leave the familiar faith for one they’d been taught to demonize, but his observation that Anglican focus on emotion etc makes sense. For a firm foundation in history and global efficacy, Catholicism is the way to go. 😇

[Emma Doorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic read for Catholic converts. Portrays the Church in a way that reminds us to love and honor her. Our human fallenness does not diminish her authority as Christ’s institution. The Church is for sinners, and human brokenness attests to failure to live up to Christ’s standards, not the inadequacy of the standards.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book!

The story of R. H. Benson's conversion from Anglican to Catholic and a wonderful, inspiration all trip it is! If you need your Catholicism refreshed this will do it!

[Pablo Galiana]

El autor describe su gradual descubrimiento del catolicismo, y las dificultades, que afrontó con honradez: prejuicios intelectuales, apegamientos sentimentales, contradicciones externas... Es una clara y viva apología de la fe de la Iglesia Católica.

[Prince Cad Ali Cad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Masterful insight into the mind of a convert - and what a convert was he!

Sad that many of the critiques (not all, of course) which he levies against the Anglicans are now easily applied to Catholics.

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

He leído otras biografías sobre conversiones al catolicismo pero ninguna tan útil ni elocuente como esta. Si te lo estás planteando te recomiendo esta joya de Benson.

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a convert myself, I always find this topic interesting. Since his father was the Archbishop of Cantebury, Benson's conversion to the Church caused quite a stir. He did not have an easy journey. Obviously, there was no "Coming Home Network" in those days for Protestant clergymen to cross the Tiber. This is the third of his books that I've read. I am glad that he was a prolific writer because there are many more books waiting to be read!

[ShepherdsDelight · Rating 4 out of 5]

77/100 (= 4.2/6) ≈ 4 Stars