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208 pages, Hardcover
First published November 26, 2020
So great is my enthusiasm for A More Exciting Life that I ordered copies for each of my three adult children before I had even finished my own.
The Introduction to this exquisite little book expresses its intent perfectly:
Some of what may be subtly yet importantly wrong with our lives can be traced back to the lack of a quality that can sound a little naïve or even unserious, but that is critically important to our flourishing: excitement.
When we lack excitement, it isn't that things are terrible: we may have work, friends, family, and some options. It is just that, in a multitude of areas, life lacks flavour. Things feel repetitive, routine, and devoid of intensity, as though we are merely going through the motions; as though we are there but not properly present. Not much profoundly satisfies us; we fulfill obligations, we are dutiful and responsible, yet our deep selves are unquenched. Without meaning anything melodramatic by this, we are in a sort of cage. Or, to use another metaphor, we're crouching; our limbs aren't free. We are drained by varieties of shyness, numbness, and inhibition.
Typically, we are invited to address the absence of excitement with outward manoeuvres: we are encouraged to travel, parachute out of aeroplanes, or learn a foreign language. This is a book of psychology, however, and it holds that a lack of a sense of excitement primarily comes down to aspects of our minds—in particular to difficulties we have first identifying and then feeling legitimate around our own desires and aspirations. Somewhere along the path of our development, we resigned ourselves too early to things that needed to be protested against; we have felt too constricted (and perhaps unloved and unloveable) to communicate our truth to others; the proper expansion of our characters has been sacrificed for the sake of a now-stifling compliance.
This is a guide to recovering some of our spirit, and becoming the sort of people who, thanks to a range of psychological reorientations, are connected to the intensity, beauty, and mystery of life and to the richness of their own possibilities. The English psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) once remarked that what mattered less than whether someone was happy or not was whether they felt as if they were leading their own lives. This suggests how often we fall into leading the lives that other people (some of them well-meaning) want us to lead, adjusting ourselves to their needs more than is wise and bowing to socially sanctioned but incomplete ideas of what is 'normal'.
This is a book about freedom. We know the word in its political context, but it exists, and achieves its full resonance and majesty, in a psychological form. An exciting life of freedom is different from a merely good or wise or calm life; it is one that can feature novelty, tension, eros, ambition and appreciation. It encompasses a capacity to take risks, to trust and to know how to communicate one's perspective to others. It means allowing oneself to be a little more forthright, joyful, irreverent and unfrightened. This is a book for people who, although living, are only intermittently liberated enough to feel alive, but who are now ready to make meaningful changes.
[Adherence to the conventions of British English in this excerpt reflects its origin.]
Pertinent, if somewhat tangential, to this, I was asked recently: What does friendship mean to me? The first three entries in my notes are: Excitement, Growth, and Discovery.