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The Family Firm: A Data-Driven Guide to Better Decision Making in the Early School Years
The instant New York Times bestseller!
“Emily Oster dives into the data on parenting issues, cuts through the clutter, and gives families the bottom line to help them make better decisions.” –Good Morning America
“A targeted mini-MBA program designed to help moms and dads establish best practices for day-to-day operations." - The Washington Post
From the bestselling author of Expecting Better and Cribsheet , the next step in data driven parenting from economist Emily Oster.
In The Family Firm , Brown professor of economics and mom of two Emily Oster offers a classic business school framework for data-driven parents to think more deliberately about the key issues of the elementary school, health, extracurricular activities, and more.
Unlike the hourly challenges of infant parenting, the big questions in this age come up less frequently. But we live with the consequences of our decisions for much longer. What's the right kind of school and at what age should a particular kid start? How do you encourage a healthy diet? Should kids play a sport and how seriously? How do you think smartly about encouraging children's independence? Along with these bigger questions, Oster investigates how to navigate the complexity of day-to-day family logistics.
Making these decisions is less about finding the specific answer and more about taking the right approach. Parents of this age are often still working in baby mode, which is to say, under stress and on the fly. That is a classic management problem, and Oster takes a page from her time as a business school professor at the University of Chicago to show us that thoughtful business process can help smooth out tough family decisions.
The Family Firm is a smart and winning guide to how to think clearly--and with less ambient stress--about the key decisions of the elementary school years.
Parenting is a full-time job. It's time we start treating it like one.
“Emily Oster dives into the data on parenting issues, cuts through the clutter, and gives families the bottom line to help them make better decisions.” –Good Morning America
“A targeted mini-MBA program designed to help moms and dads establish best practices for day-to-day operations." - The Washington Post
From the bestselling author of Expecting Better and Cribsheet , the next step in data driven parenting from economist Emily Oster.
In The Family Firm , Brown professor of economics and mom of two Emily Oster offers a classic business school framework for data-driven parents to think more deliberately about the key issues of the elementary school, health, extracurricular activities, and more.
Unlike the hourly challenges of infant parenting, the big questions in this age come up less frequently. But we live with the consequences of our decisions for much longer. What's the right kind of school and at what age should a particular kid start? How do you encourage a healthy diet? Should kids play a sport and how seriously? How do you think smartly about encouraging children's independence? Along with these bigger questions, Oster investigates how to navigate the complexity of day-to-day family logistics.
Making these decisions is less about finding the specific answer and more about taking the right approach. Parents of this age are often still working in baby mode, which is to say, under stress and on the fly. That is a classic management problem, and Oster takes a page from her time as a business school professor at the University of Chicago to show us that thoughtful business process can help smooth out tough family decisions.
The Family Firm is a smart and winning guide to how to think clearly--and with less ambient stress--about the key decisions of the elementary school years.
Parenting is a full-time job. It's time we start treating it like one.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published August 3, 2021
1692 people are currently reading
10281 people want to read
About the author
Emily Oster
31 books873 followersEmily Oster is an American economist and bestselling author. After receiving a B.A. and Ph.D. from Harvard in 2002 and 2006 respectively, Oster taught at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. She later moved to Brown University, where she holds the rank of Professor of Economics. Her research interests span from development economics and health economics to research design and experimental methodology.
She is the author of two books, Expecting Better and Cribsheet, which discuss a data-driven approach to decision-making in pregnancy and parenting.
She is the author of two books, Expecting Better and Cribsheet, which discuss a data-driven approach to decision-making in pregnancy and parenting.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 509 reviews
August 13, 2021
If I took notes on this book, am I the right demographic for this book? Probably yes. However I haven’t read her previous books (my kids were too old for their advice at the time) and I thought some of her Covid analysis was just so-so, so I went into this open-minded but not like, overeager.
The biggest takeaway from the book is that there isn’t a lot of data out there that will tell you there is One True Way to do something as a parent of elementary age kids/tweens. So for better or worse, a lot of the conclusions were roughly:
Some kids report a benefit from X.
Other kids can be harmed by X.
The evidence is sparse / weak / out of date / irrelevant.
So use your brain and think through what works for your family based on what you care about.
P.S. Use Google Docs to be organized.
On the list of things that *did* feel relevant to me (again, you might pull out different pieces for you; we aren’t currently thinking about red-shirting our kindergartener or switching to a private or charter school):
* Sleep is important. (This is one of the most clear cut things.) Screens before bed can impact sleep.
* Picky eating can be helped by exposure (repeated, no pressure).
* Involved parenting is good, but independence is good too. Over-involvement can lead to later anxiety. But a happy home life can be a buffer against negative peer experiences that come up.
* Extracurriculars like sports, lessons, or camps are mostly good if the kid enjoys them and when it increases their sense of belonging.
* Data on screen time is quite outdated so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (okay, she doesn't really stop there, but you have to set limits based on your family preferences and opportunity costs. Even kids need time to "stare at the wall.")
* You don’t need your kid to be thinking about college or being super good at a sport when they are in elementary school; seriously the data just doesn’t support it.
* COVID made a lot of families go into hyperdrive for decision making, analyzing, adapting, and being organized. We all just got a major crash course in a lot of what she talks about in the book.
The biggest takeaway from the book is that there isn’t a lot of data out there that will tell you there is One True Way to do something as a parent of elementary age kids/tweens. So for better or worse, a lot of the conclusions were roughly:
Some kids report a benefit from X.
Other kids can be harmed by X.
The evidence is sparse / weak / out of date / irrelevant.
So use your brain and think through what works for your family based on what you care about.
P.S. Use Google Docs to be organized.
On the list of things that *did* feel relevant to me (again, you might pull out different pieces for you; we aren’t currently thinking about red-shirting our kindergartener or switching to a private or charter school):
* Sleep is important. (This is one of the most clear cut things.) Screens before bed can impact sleep.
* Picky eating can be helped by exposure (repeated, no pressure).
* Involved parenting is good, but independence is good too. Over-involvement can lead to later anxiety. But a happy home life can be a buffer against negative peer experiences that come up.
* Extracurriculars like sports, lessons, or camps are mostly good if the kid enjoys them and when it increases their sense of belonging.
* Data on screen time is quite outdated so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (okay, she doesn't really stop there, but you have to set limits based on your family preferences and opportunity costs. Even kids need time to "stare at the wall.")
* You don’t need your kid to be thinking about college or being super good at a sport when they are in elementary school; seriously the data just doesn’t support it.
* COVID made a lot of families go into hyperdrive for decision making, analyzing, adapting, and being organized. We all just got a major crash course in a lot of what she talks about in the book.
August 17, 2021
Couldn’t finish. Turns out I don’t sweat parenting decisions on a level that warrants a bunch of data and b-school paradigms.
August 30, 2021
Emily Oster feels like the “smart friend” who will do all your research for you and then help you make really important parenting decisions while also not making you feel like you are completely dumb/ incompetent.
While I probably won’t be holding family meetings with prepared agendas any time soon (not that I judge it - I love a good agenda), I thoroughly enjoyed The Family Firm! Though it is chock full of facts, numbers, and studies, the tone is conversational, and the information is easy to digest. As an economist and a mom, Oster talked me through many of the questions I’m already asking about raising school-age kids (How much screen time is too much? Should my kids play an instrument? Do travel sports make sense for a ten year old? Is six too young for sleep away camp?) and many I hadn’t really thought about yet (When should I let my kids have social media accounts and/or a cell phone? Should I intervene if my kid is being bullied? How will I know if a school/sport/activity isn’t the right fit for a kid? Etc.) with logic *and* compassion. She doesn’t make the decisions for you, but she does give you the information you need to consider and a framework for making good choices for your unique family. (Also, as a bonus, Jeff really appreciates data and facts, so this book was a great catalyst for good, productive conversation between us!)
I don’t read a ton of parenting books these days, but this was one VERY relevant to my life, and I can see myself going back to its pages again and again over the next 5 or 6 years. If you have a 3 - 13 year old, this book is for you!
While I probably won’t be holding family meetings with prepared agendas any time soon (not that I judge it - I love a good agenda), I thoroughly enjoyed The Family Firm! Though it is chock full of facts, numbers, and studies, the tone is conversational, and the information is easy to digest. As an economist and a mom, Oster talked me through many of the questions I’m already asking about raising school-age kids (How much screen time is too much? Should my kids play an instrument? Do travel sports make sense for a ten year old? Is six too young for sleep away camp?) and many I hadn’t really thought about yet (When should I let my kids have social media accounts and/or a cell phone? Should I intervene if my kid is being bullied? How will I know if a school/sport/activity isn’t the right fit for a kid? Etc.) with logic *and* compassion. She doesn’t make the decisions for you, but she does give you the information you need to consider and a framework for making good choices for your unique family. (Also, as a bonus, Jeff really appreciates data and facts, so this book was a great catalyst for good, productive conversation between us!)
I don’t read a ton of parenting books these days, but this was one VERY relevant to my life, and I can see myself going back to its pages again and again over the next 5 or 6 years. If you have a 3 - 13 year old, this book is for you!
February 11, 2023
Some of this is good, some of this is useful, some is not so useful. I liked the first half most thinking about how to think about family and decisions. I didn't really care for the later stuff as there was little data and mostly just common sense and personal opinion.
December 25, 2021
Of the 3 books by Oster that I've read, I liked this one the least.
For one, it told me a whole lot that I already know (we already have a set of shared family values, a.k.a. The Big Picture, and we generally use structured decision-making, because we are literally a Family Firm, and we already know sleep is very very important). Also, there were multiple chapters where she raised interesting questions - e.g. when is the appropriate time for a child to have a cell phone, how much extracurricular activities are enough/ too much - and subsequently left them (un)resolved with the equivalent of a shoulder shrug and a "the data simply aren't available/ don't point to a clear recommendation."
Why write a parenting book supposedly based in data - when there are no data to be had?!
To be fair, this isn't Oster's fault; the research just isn't there to make definitive, universal recommendations for school age children. The author's point is that, for parenting a school-aged child, a sound decision making process may be more important than the decision itself.
For me and many of my friends, this is already preaching to the choir, so I would recommend skipping this one.
P.S. the epilogue about Parenting in the Time of COVID was easily the best chapter in the book. Sometimes all the Google Sheets and structured business school inspired data-driven decision making process in the world can't help you when you are in an impossible situation and forced to choose between Two Extremely Shitty Options. Sometimes I wonder if folks who are drawn to the "objectivity" of data-driven decision making aren't also fighting off the anxiety of knowing that, ultimately, there is no final exam, no right answers, for how to be alive.
For one, it told me a whole lot that I already know (we already have a set of shared family values, a.k.a. The Big Picture, and we generally use structured decision-making, because we are literally a Family Firm, and we already know sleep is very very important). Also, there were multiple chapters where she raised interesting questions - e.g. when is the appropriate time for a child to have a cell phone, how much extracurricular activities are enough/ too much - and subsequently left them (un)resolved with the equivalent of a shoulder shrug and a "the data simply aren't available/ don't point to a clear recommendation."
Why write a parenting book supposedly based in data - when there are no data to be had?!
To be fair, this isn't Oster's fault; the research just isn't there to make definitive, universal recommendations for school age children. The author's point is that, for parenting a school-aged child, a sound decision making process may be more important than the decision itself.
For me and many of my friends, this is already preaching to the choir, so I would recommend skipping this one.
P.S. the epilogue about Parenting in the Time of COVID was easily the best chapter in the book. Sometimes all the Google Sheets and structured business school inspired data-driven decision making process in the world can't help you when you are in an impossible situation and forced to choose between Two Extremely Shitty Options. Sometimes I wonder if folks who are drawn to the "objectivity" of data-driven decision making aren't also fighting off the anxiety of knowing that, ultimately, there is no final exam, no right answers, for how to be alive.
October 4, 2021
Very hard to get through. I could not explain how the book was organized (or why it was organized that way). I did not find the content helpful. I forced myself to keep reading, perhaps hopeful that I would glean something useful, to no avail.
I also felt gross reading it because it is so obviously directed at those living in a white privileged, 2-parent, financially secure household. She qualifies things by frequently suggesting that it’s obvious some people can’t afford this [sleepaway camp?] but since you can/should, keep reading.
The decision-making framework she describes is fine, but you can read about that in a newsletter or summary of the book.
Glad I got the book from my local library instead of spending money on it.
I also felt gross reading it because it is so obviously directed at those living in a white privileged, 2-parent, financially secure household. She qualifies things by frequently suggesting that it’s obvious some people can’t afford this [sleepaway camp?] but since you can/should, keep reading.
The decision-making framework she describes is fine, but you can read about that in a newsletter or summary of the book.
Glad I got the book from my local library instead of spending money on it.
September 7, 2021
Probably could have been an article. She suggestions a good approach (system) for making decisions if the reader feels overwhelmed and doesn’t have one already. None of the references to data were that interesting and everything is super nuanced that this book has a narrower audience than her previous ones. 2.5 stars but giving it 3 as I can see how it’s helpful to others.
January 21, 2022
Thank you so much to Penguin Audio and Emily Oster for my audio copy of The Family Firm. I LOVED her previous books Expecting Better and Cribsheet, so I knew this would be just as good. The Family Firm is written by a professor of economics and mom of two. She uses research and data to help parents to think more deliberately about the key issues of the elementary years: school, health, extracurricular activities, and more.
I think it can be hard to make decisions about your family, but Oster uses data to make decisions a little easier. Making these decisions is less about finding the specific answer and more about taking the right approach. Parents of this age are often still working in baby mode, which is to say, under stress and on the fly. That is a classic management problem, and Oster takes a page from her time as a business school professor at the University of Chicago to show us that thoughtful business process can help smooth out tough family decisions.
Thoughts: This book is great because it helps parents make tough decisions using research. There are so many factors and variables to think about when having kids, and this is great because it uses an empirical approach to help make decisions. It feels like you are chatting with a friend and is easy and fun to read. She is definitely on the intense side, but did have some good suggestions. 4-stars!
I think it can be hard to make decisions about your family, but Oster uses data to make decisions a little easier. Making these decisions is less about finding the specific answer and more about taking the right approach. Parents of this age are often still working in baby mode, which is to say, under stress and on the fly. That is a classic management problem, and Oster takes a page from her time as a business school professor at the University of Chicago to show us that thoughtful business process can help smooth out tough family decisions.
Thoughts: This book is great because it helps parents make tough decisions using research. There are so many factors and variables to think about when having kids, and this is great because it uses an empirical approach to help make decisions. It feels like you are chatting with a friend and is easy and fun to read. She is definitely on the intense side, but did have some good suggestions. 4-stars!
September 2, 2021
My kid just turned five, and I feel like I’m at the perfect time for this one. We’re making lots of decisions right now (which school? should we redshirt him for Kindergarten? should we start him in extra-curricular activities?), and this book provides a framework for making these decisions and also offers up summaries of existing research.
The framework isn’t for everyone, but as the person at work responsible for strategy and project management to execute that strategy, ooooh, I thought this was so much fun.
Emily Oster is able to distill research into its salient points in a straightforward, fun way. If I knew her in real life, I’d want to be her friend (I might not be academic enough for her to be my friend, but that’s a different story).
The framework isn’t for everyone, but as the person at work responsible for strategy and project management to execute that strategy, ooooh, I thought this was so much fun.
Emily Oster is able to distill research into its salient points in a straightforward, fun way. If I knew her in real life, I’d want to be her friend (I might not be academic enough for her to be my friend, but that’s a different story).
June 20, 2022
In this book, Emily Oster is back with a discussion of how to combine data with modern parenting, this time focused on school aged children. However, she starts with the acknowledgement that these years have even less clear answers than the pregnancy and infancy. Thus, instead of looking to data as having the answers, we should look at data as one input into a broader decision making framework.
This framework should start with outline the big picture for your family: what are the values and goals that impact your family life? What does this imply about the structure of your home an your life? What are the practical constraints that also need to be taken into account? This isn't just a statement of values. The big picture should be detailed enough to help drive day-to-day decisions, including a growing repository of decisions that have been generalized into concrete principles. These principles should be clear enough that one caretaker can make the decision on their own and have confidence another caretaker will not second guess them.
Oster stresses the importance of trusting your children's other caretakers: for the day-to-day decisions, whoever a decision is delegated to should have full responsibility for making and executing the decision (this includes the children for decisions that have been delegated to them). If you find that another caretaker is making a decision you really disagree with, don't nag. Instead, have a discussion of the big picture for the family and come to agreement on how this fits into the big picture.
Some decisions will be larger. For these, Oster describes a decision making process that helps families.
Frame the question: This is often harder than it looks. You have to go from a vague idea to a concrete question that can have a concrete answer.
Fact find: The data can't answer the question but it is certainly a critical input. Collect data, evidence, and details about the choice itself but also logistics, risks, and benefits. (E.g., school A may be unequivocally better than school B, but it matters whether it adds 0 or 60 minutes to daily logistics).
Final decision: Instead of revisiting the question repeatedly with partial information, collect the data and then set aside some time to make a decision. Whether or not that decision meeting includes the child depends on their age and the decision.
Follow-up: Whatever the decision, revisit them after awhile and make sure you still agree with your choice. If it was the wrong choice, it's better to find that out earlier rather than later. Use this whichever way the decision went. E.g., checking whether or not you regret not starting soccer is just as important as checking whether or not you regret starting it.
Which of these two categories a choice is in can shift over time. E.g., maybe the first time it comes up, slumber parties on school nights require a family discussion. After that first time, there may be a clear "no" or "yes, if" that turns this into a day-to-day decision.
Don't forget to use tools to track the operations of your "family firm". Calendars, documents, TODO lists, and more can be valuable tools for helping implement decisions, both day-to-day and larger. A modern family, especially one with multiple children and working parents, has a lot of logistics. It will be much easier to live inline with your goals and to trust the other caretakers in your children's lives if you can delegate some of that load to tools.
The book goes into detail about creating a family big picture. Then the bulk of the text is spent going through data and case studies that are useful for applying the Four F's decision making process. This includes common decisions such as choice of school, sleep, working parents, nutrition, parenting style, extracurriculars, emotional well being, screens, and the right age for a phone.
Although it is a bit repetitive at times, overall the practical framework combined with the databased overviews makes this book is a good read for parents of school age children.
This framework should start with outline the big picture for your family: what are the values and goals that impact your family life? What does this imply about the structure of your home an your life? What are the practical constraints that also need to be taken into account? This isn't just a statement of values. The big picture should be detailed enough to help drive day-to-day decisions, including a growing repository of decisions that have been generalized into concrete principles. These principles should be clear enough that one caretaker can make the decision on their own and have confidence another caretaker will not second guess them.
Oster stresses the importance of trusting your children's other caretakers: for the day-to-day decisions, whoever a decision is delegated to should have full responsibility for making and executing the decision (this includes the children for decisions that have been delegated to them). If you find that another caretaker is making a decision you really disagree with, don't nag. Instead, have a discussion of the big picture for the family and come to agreement on how this fits into the big picture.
Some decisions will be larger. For these, Oster describes a decision making process that helps families.
Frame the question: This is often harder than it looks. You have to go from a vague idea to a concrete question that can have a concrete answer.
Fact find: The data can't answer the question but it is certainly a critical input. Collect data, evidence, and details about the choice itself but also logistics, risks, and benefits. (E.g., school A may be unequivocally better than school B, but it matters whether it adds 0 or 60 minutes to daily logistics).
Final decision: Instead of revisiting the question repeatedly with partial information, collect the data and then set aside some time to make a decision. Whether or not that decision meeting includes the child depends on their age and the decision.
Follow-up: Whatever the decision, revisit them after awhile and make sure you still agree with your choice. If it was the wrong choice, it's better to find that out earlier rather than later. Use this whichever way the decision went. E.g., checking whether or not you regret not starting soccer is just as important as checking whether or not you regret starting it.
Which of these two categories a choice is in can shift over time. E.g., maybe the first time it comes up, slumber parties on school nights require a family discussion. After that first time, there may be a clear "no" or "yes, if" that turns this into a day-to-day decision.
Don't forget to use tools to track the operations of your "family firm". Calendars, documents, TODO lists, and more can be valuable tools for helping implement decisions, both day-to-day and larger. A modern family, especially one with multiple children and working parents, has a lot of logistics. It will be much easier to live inline with your goals and to trust the other caretakers in your children's lives if you can delegate some of that load to tools.
The book goes into detail about creating a family big picture. Then the bulk of the text is spent going through data and case studies that are useful for applying the Four F's decision making process. This includes common decisions such as choice of school, sleep, working parents, nutrition, parenting style, extracurriculars, emotional well being, screens, and the right age for a phone.
Although it is a bit repetitive at times, overall the practical framework combined with the databased overviews makes this book is a good read for parents of school age children.
April 25, 2024
Emily Oster's first data-driven book on parenting, Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong - and What You Really Need to Know, rightfully turned her into a superstar.
Her follow-up efforts have been disappointing and this continues the trend. It isn't entirely her fault. Her thing is being data-driven and once you get get out of the infant phase of parenting there is essentially no hard, conclusive data on the many, many parenting questions you'll run into. So her books are constantly full of "not much data, results inconclusive". That's not her fault that the data is so unhelpful ... but also she didn't have to bother writing a data-driven book when there's not enough data out there.
This book is full of passages like, "This doesn’t mean these choices—which type of private school, whether to homeschool—aren’t important, just that you won’t be able to draw on data as part of your decision process.".
Even when data is available, it usually covers such a small, tiny part of the actual question as to be almost meaningless. Take school choice. Sure, there is some (inconclusive) research on short-term test results. What about happiness? What about socialising? What about activities (sport, music, art) beyond academic tests?
At the end of the day, this book isn't really about being "data-driven". It is about being deeply intentional about your choices as a parent. Oster gives a great example of this when she discusses a youth play her daughter was considering joining. On the surface, sure, yeah, why not? But think through it: weeknight rehearsals means family dinner is often gone. Weekend rehearsals means missing time with grandparents or church or hikes in nature.
Oster (and her husband) are deep into the "is this OCD" end of being organised though, and I'm not sure that's going to resonate with many parents. She advocates having a Google Doc with your family mission statement. (When I mentioned this to a friend he joked: "Make sure everyone stays alive".) She advocates the Google Doc include your family philosophies and guiding principles.
She gives an example: one morning her son wanted to color in his room instead of coming down for breakfast. She and her husband ended up disagreeing with how to handle things. End result was the kid didn't have time to finish break and they were late to school and everyone was stressed. Afterwards, she and her husband talked it over, came up with a consistent approach and added it to the Google Doc.
After coming to that consensus are a lot of families really going to get value from adding something like that to a Google Doc?
Don't get me wrong, all of this is very much my kind of thing. I loved Shared Calendars and Spreadsheets and Todo Lists. And they definitely have their place. Things like Shared Calendars are probably under-used by many families. But the meat here -- take time to think through important decisions, reevaluate them after some time has passed to see if they still make sense, write things down (sure, use a Shared Calendar if that works but also a white erase calendar works, too) instead of keeping them all in your head -- could probably be usefully conveyed in a pretty short article instead of an entire book.
The rest of the book basically boils down: not much research and what there is usually doesn't show big effects so whatever you do is probably going to be fine. (Though, in that case, how much effort do we really need to spend making deliberate decisions?)
Her follow-up efforts have been disappointing and this continues the trend. It isn't entirely her fault. Her thing is being data-driven and once you get get out of the infant phase of parenting there is essentially no hard, conclusive data on the many, many parenting questions you'll run into. So her books are constantly full of "not much data, results inconclusive". That's not her fault that the data is so unhelpful ... but also she didn't have to bother writing a data-driven book when there's not enough data out there.
This book is full of passages like, "This doesn’t mean these choices—which type of private school, whether to homeschool—aren’t important, just that you won’t be able to draw on data as part of your decision process.".
Even when data is available, it usually covers such a small, tiny part of the actual question as to be almost meaningless. Take school choice. Sure, there is some (inconclusive) research on short-term test results. What about happiness? What about socialising? What about activities (sport, music, art) beyond academic tests?
At the end of the day, this book isn't really about being "data-driven". It is about being deeply intentional about your choices as a parent. Oster gives a great example of this when she discusses a youth play her daughter was considering joining. On the surface, sure, yeah, why not? But think through it: weeknight rehearsals means family dinner is often gone. Weekend rehearsals means missing time with grandparents or church or hikes in nature.
Oster (and her husband) are deep into the "is this OCD" end of being organised though, and I'm not sure that's going to resonate with many parents. She advocates having a Google Doc with your family mission statement. (When I mentioned this to a friend he joked: "Make sure everyone stays alive".) She advocates the Google Doc include your family philosophies and guiding principles.
She gives an example: one morning her son wanted to color in his room instead of coming down for breakfast. She and her husband ended up disagreeing with how to handle things. End result was the kid didn't have time to finish break and they were late to school and everyone was stressed. Afterwards, she and her husband talked it over, came up with a consistent approach and added it to the Google Doc.
After coming to that consensus are a lot of families really going to get value from adding something like that to a Google Doc?
Don't get me wrong, all of this is very much my kind of thing. I loved Shared Calendars and Spreadsheets and Todo Lists. And they definitely have their place. Things like Shared Calendars are probably under-used by many families. But the meat here -- take time to think through important decisions, reevaluate them after some time has passed to see if they still make sense, write things down (sure, use a Shared Calendar if that works but also a white erase calendar works, too) instead of keeping them all in your head -- could probably be usefully conveyed in a pretty short article instead of an entire book.
The rest of the book basically boils down: not much research and what there is usually doesn't show big effects so whatever you do is probably going to be fine. (Though, in that case, how much effort do we really need to spend making deliberate decisions?)
September 7, 2021
So far Cribsheet is still my favorite data-driven parenting title by economist Emily Oster, but this latest one is a solid self-help book for household organizing and thorny decision-making about raising kids particularly in the five-to-twelve-year-old range. As always, the author offers valuable scientific findings on the arena of dilemmas facing modern parents, from nutrition to screentime to homework to extracurricular activities. The good news is that these studies can be reassuring; the bad news is that they are often inconclusive, with Oster quick to point out that correlation doesn't imply causation. (Are children who sit down for family dinners each night healthier on average because of that communal experience, or because families who are able to reliably make the joint evening meal happen tend to differ in other ways from those who can't?)
There's a lot of such vacillating in these pages, along with an unfortunate reliance on problematic rough measures like IQ, BMI, and standardized test scores without necessarily unpacking their known limitations. The occasional insights are legitimately great, though, and I especially like the idea of pre-planning with your partner -- if you have one -- to discuss priorities and maybe even craft a business-like mission statement for the house in advance of working through a problem together. Figuring out the big picture ahead of time so that smaller choices in the moment become easier if not essentially automatic strikes me as a really smart framework to adopt. But overall, this text probably could have been a lot shorter, as I'm not sure we need to be told on topic after topic that the experts simply don't know the best approach.
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There's a lot of such vacillating in these pages, along with an unfortunate reliance on problematic rough measures like IQ, BMI, and standardized test scores without necessarily unpacking their known limitations. The occasional insights are legitimately great, though, and I especially like the idea of pre-planning with your partner -- if you have one -- to discuss priorities and maybe even craft a business-like mission statement for the house in advance of working through a problem together. Figuring out the big picture ahead of time so that smaller choices in the moment become easier if not essentially automatic strikes me as a really smart framework to adopt. But overall, this text probably could have been a lot shorter, as I'm not sure we need to be told on topic after topic that the experts simply don't know the best approach.
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August 21, 2021
Unlike “Expecting Better,” there’s little causal data on parental decision-making about older kids: how many after school activities to engage in, whether to enter first grade late, how much screen time is okay. Even the observational studies are typically small and inconclusive. However, the survey of relevant data is still useful as a parent, and in most cases the answer is a reassuring “it probably doesn’t matter much.” I hadn’t been expecting the B-school toolbox chapter at the beginning — writing a family mission statement, developing a process for fact-finding, discussion, and follow-up. Reading that section was stressful, making me feel like there was yet another thing I’d need to coordinate, but Oster makes a good case for its psychological usefulness and future time-saving.
December 17, 2022
Emily's previous books were really solid, data-driven texts, with a method of "here's the data, only you can decide what's the best application of the data for your family because every family has different factors." This book was more, here are techniques for talking and organizing a family. I think she strayed too far from her expertise on this one to be impactful.
August 22, 2021
There are some good tools here in the first chapter.
Everything else boils down to “no one knows, here are some questions to ask yourself, use your best judgement!” This ends up feeling like a let down.
Everything else boils down to “no one knows, here are some questions to ask yourself, use your best judgement!” This ends up feeling like a let down.
August 9, 2022
I really like how this book is structured and the idea of the family firm.
It's very light on data but presents a lot of topics I haven't thought about yet.
Feels very introductory. A good conversation starting point.
It's very light on data but presents a lot of topics I haven't thought about yet.
Feels very introductory. A good conversation starting point.
October 11, 2021
Possibly my favorite of the Emily Oster parenting books. Don't get me wrong, I liked the others, but I always thought they were a little too limited. Yes, give us the metastudy low-down and explain the limitations on what "research says" about parenting, but I don't need a chapter on vaccinating children; I'm on board with that. There are other things I want you to spend your time on.
In The Family Firm Oster provides a business (or honestly, social science) framework for family decision making. It's like teaching us to Go Fish. She says the decision process takes four steps:
1- Frame the question. This one takes the most conceptual effort. Her example is getting your kid a cell phone, but what even does that mean? Is it about the kid being able to call you after school? Accessing social media? Use the internet? Step one is figure out what, exactly, is the problem you are trying to solve.
2- Find the best research. This doesn't have to look like Google Scholar. It could, And in fact if I could take off a half star it would be because she doesn't teach us the tips of what studies are more and less reliable. But research can be things like "Does access to social media increase depression?" and "Will using a phone all the time cut into my kid's sleep?" as well as things like "What kind of phones are an option? Dumb phone? Gabb? Would an Apple Watch work?," "Can we afford to buy a phone? And how much is a data package?" and "Do, in fact, all of their friends have one?" This step is the longest.
3- Final decision Make one decision with your kid(s) and all caregivers. Make it clear and explicit. If the final decision is "Yes, you can have a smartphone, but you need to hand it over to me an hour before bed ,so you don't stay up all night," then everyone in the household should know that is the rule.
4- Follow up Set a time, either explicitly or contextually, when you will revisit the decision. If the family finances change, you might have to revisit whether the phone is still within the budget. If you decided, "Not yet" on a smartphone, when will you revisit to see if it's time? In a year? After your kid gets their Eagle?
That's mostly it.
She helps you on your way by providing a big, fatty middle section with--you guessed it--metastudy summaries on topics like media use, sleep, school choice, and extra-curricular activities. She's careful to say that this doesn't mean there's a right answer for you and your family, but that these topics frequently play into family decisions.
I wish all of her books had had an element like this, because it's not just in school years that you need to start thinking about "what's best for my family." One kid may thrive on preschool and one may need a nanny. And, as she points out in Cribsheet , the decision of who should and how much to work depends on a lot of personal preference factors.
The worksheets in the back are a good step in developing your own family rules and culture. In fact, I'm probably going to be discussing them in Family Home Evening sometime soon--it's nice for us worksheet types to think through not just our big-picture family mission, but also the smaller principles and priorities that guide our family.
In The Family Firm Oster provides a business (or honestly, social science) framework for family decision making. It's like teaching us to Go Fish. She says the decision process takes four steps:
1- Frame the question. This one takes the most conceptual effort. Her example is getting your kid a cell phone, but what even does that mean? Is it about the kid being able to call you after school? Accessing social media? Use the internet? Step one is figure out what, exactly, is the problem you are trying to solve.
2- Find the best research. This doesn't have to look like Google Scholar. It could, And in fact if I could take off a half star it would be because she doesn't teach us the tips of what studies are more and less reliable. But research can be things like "Does access to social media increase depression?" and "Will using a phone all the time cut into my kid's sleep?" as well as things like "What kind of phones are an option? Dumb phone? Gabb? Would an Apple Watch work?," "Can we afford to buy a phone? And how much is a data package?" and "Do, in fact, all of their friends have one?" This step is the longest.
3- Final decision Make one decision with your kid(s) and all caregivers. Make it clear and explicit. If the final decision is "Yes, you can have a smartphone, but you need to hand it over to me an hour before bed ,so you don't stay up all night," then everyone in the household should know that is the rule.
4- Follow up Set a time, either explicitly or contextually, when you will revisit the decision. If the family finances change, you might have to revisit whether the phone is still within the budget. If you decided, "Not yet" on a smartphone, when will you revisit to see if it's time? In a year? After your kid gets their Eagle?
That's mostly it.
She helps you on your way by providing a big, fatty middle section with--you guessed it--metastudy summaries on topics like media use, sleep, school choice, and extra-curricular activities. She's careful to say that this doesn't mean there's a right answer for you and your family, but that these topics frequently play into family decisions.
I wish all of her books had had an element like this, because it's not just in school years that you need to start thinking about "what's best for my family." One kid may thrive on preschool and one may need a nanny. And, as she points out in Cribsheet , the decision of who should and how much to work depends on a lot of personal preference factors.
The worksheets in the back are a good step in developing your own family rules and culture. In fact, I'm probably going to be discussing them in Family Home Evening sometime soon--it's nice for us worksheet types to think through not just our big-picture family mission, but also the smaller principles and priorities that guide our family.
January 6, 2022
I love Emily oster’s books, and felt this one was the most helpful for me. It gave me a picture into my future in a way that the other books do (I imagine) for other parents.
Many of her tips, like using business productivity software for family-running (sup, Trello?) were not new to me, but I loved the data aggregation piece. Great for thinking about the early school years that I’m currently looking down the barrel of, and was free from the self-excusing bias/drive that I feel clouds her other parenting books.
Many of her tips, like using business productivity software for family-running (sup, Trello?) were not new to me, but I loved the data aggregation piece. Great for thinking about the early school years that I’m currently looking down the barrel of, and was free from the self-excusing bias/drive that I feel clouds her other parenting books.
December 11, 2024
Information overload
January 8, 2023
This is honestly how we make decisions about kids, but Emily Oster does give some valuable summaries about data/research on some things you hear about as a parent, like how music makes kids more thoughtful/smarter. It's worth reading for the data behind some of the things we hear as parents. And if you are struggling with a particular decision, like when to start kindergarten or get a phone for your kid, this book might be helpful during those times.
I also love a good worksheet and she does have some sample worksheet templates.
I also love a good worksheet and she does have some sample worksheet templates.
July 20, 2021
I was really excited for this book because I am familiar with the author and I love both research and parenting, especially researching anything parenting related.. Since I feel compelled to read any and every new book that focuses on both, this book was naturally on my radar.
Overall, it was an enjoyable book. I didn't love it as much as I expected though. For being data driven, I felt there were many parts that were heavily dependent on her opinion and unconscious bias. Statistics can always be spun to what you want them to say, so I found that some of her conclusions were based on specific studies that she had decided to use and not indicative of what is valid for another. I get it, parenting style is highly subjective and what works for one does not always work for another. She has a lot of side commentary throughout and sometimes I found it entertaining and other times I found it kind of grating or overdone. Also, I'm very much a Type A, plan everything to the minute, type of person, but some the interactions she relays in the story just make her family seem so stiff and unrelatable. Perhaps she was really trying to play up how she runs her home like a firm, but it just came off cold to me.
Perhaps the most disappointing thing was that I learned nothing new in this book. Most conclusions pointed to the obvious while a few were just based on her personal conclusions via her research. The book was fine, but I don't feel like it is worth the hype.
For the good, a number of the things she discusses are interesting, but just pretty obvious. So this book may appeal more to those who are novices in the parenting book arena. The writing itself was good and read well. I would lean more toward 3- 3 1/2 stars, but maybe a 4 star for the mentioned demographic, so rounding up to 4.
Overall, it was an enjoyable book. I didn't love it as much as I expected though. For being data driven, I felt there were many parts that were heavily dependent on her opinion and unconscious bias. Statistics can always be spun to what you want them to say, so I found that some of her conclusions were based on specific studies that she had decided to use and not indicative of what is valid for another. I get it, parenting style is highly subjective and what works for one does not always work for another. She has a lot of side commentary throughout and sometimes I found it entertaining and other times I found it kind of grating or overdone. Also, I'm very much a Type A, plan everything to the minute, type of person, but some the interactions she relays in the story just make her family seem so stiff and unrelatable. Perhaps she was really trying to play up how she runs her home like a firm, but it just came off cold to me.
Perhaps the most disappointing thing was that I learned nothing new in this book. Most conclusions pointed to the obvious while a few were just based on her personal conclusions via her research. The book was fine, but I don't feel like it is worth the hype.
For the good, a number of the things she discusses are interesting, but just pretty obvious. So this book may appeal more to those who are novices in the parenting book arena. The writing itself was good and read well. I would lean more toward 3- 3 1/2 stars, but maybe a 4 star for the mentioned demographic, so rounding up to 4.
November 5, 2021
Interesting book about parenting approach by managing family like a 'company'. It isn't as scary as it sounds and it makes sense: try to figure out what are the most important things for your family because just like a company, there's no one-fits-all way to do it. After this, decision making process and coordination would be simpler. The book even gave us practical example of using Google Docs and Asana in the family. I'm personally sold but perhaps, not everybody is as nerdy..... 😂
The rest of was about discussing crucial things for parents to decide like sleeping hours, extracurriculars, parenting style or even screen time. I gained new insights about data understanding and decision making.
The rest of was about discussing crucial things for parents to decide like sleeping hours, extracurriculars, parenting style or even screen time. I gained new insights about data understanding and decision making.
February 4, 2022
4 for the framework part, which will be really useful; 3 for the data sections
I enjoyed it more than Crib Sheets, but it still had some of the same issues. There just aren’t a lot of studies on some of the topics, which makes it difficult to have a book about… data.
I enjoyed it more than Crib Sheets, but it still had some of the same issues. There just aren’t a lot of studies on some of the topics, which makes it difficult to have a book about… data.
December 31, 2021
I continue to love all of Emily's work, but this one was a tough read. I know that data-driven decisions are tougher as kids get older and the data diverges or is unavailable, but a lot of this book felt forced. It felt like she had a three-book deal and had to force this one out to complete the deal. I'm sure it will lead to more insightful research and family support in the future though. Just not something I would recommend versus her other books which I see as "must read" for any new parent.
September 23, 2021
I adore Emily Oster, and there was a lot that was useful in this book. I understand why she had to go this way with this book, since creating frameworks is the only way to do things. But I just can't get my co-parent on board with calendars much less project management software. Alas. I did read many of these pieces via her newsletter, and I think the newsletter tone crept into the book in ways that I didn't love. But it was a pandemic, so I get it.
September 22, 2022
My main takeaways were (1) It's good to be intentional about how you approach decisions in your family life and (2) There's not a lot of data to help you make these choices. Overall I enjoyed the discussion and appreciated how the author acknowledged how much we don't know and how hard it is to measure the outcomes we actually care about.
January 30, 2023
I loved Oster's other two books and so was very interested in this one. Overall, very glad I read it.
The decision-making process and Big Picture approach she describes seem likely to be helpful in the future (my kids are not school-age yet). I don't know that I anticipate logistics being as big of a struggle as she does, but I also plan on staying home for the foreseeable future and that does greatly simplify some things, which she acknowledges.
The chapters on nutrition, sleep, reading, and screen-time are great. Definitely worth reading the whole book just for those. The other chapters are also, by and large, good, if less personally applicable to me.
My major gripe? She has a whole chapter about choosing schools for your kids and homeschooling gets a single-sentence mention as "too highly individualized for good data to be gathered." As a homeschooler who plans on homeschooling, I'm skeptical. I imagine, in the after-math of pandemic school closures and the massive rise in homeschooling, more data will be collected and there will be room in the future for a second edition or add-on chapter.
Given Oster's general even-handedness in considering potential family dynamics and circumstances that could influence decision-making (she is an economist) which is what I loved most about her other two books, the near-complete sidestepping of homeschooling was odd to me. Maybe she was writing primarily to parents whose kids attend school outside the home, (which would make sense) but it's still weird she didn't disclose that in the intro if that is indeed the case.
Definitely glad I read it and will be referring back to it as my kids age.
The decision-making process and Big Picture approach she describes seem likely to be helpful in the future (my kids are not school-age yet). I don't know that I anticipate logistics being as big of a struggle as she does, but I also plan on staying home for the foreseeable future and that does greatly simplify some things, which she acknowledges.
The chapters on nutrition, sleep, reading, and screen-time are great. Definitely worth reading the whole book just for those. The other chapters are also, by and large, good, if less personally applicable to me.
My major gripe? She has a whole chapter about choosing schools for your kids and homeschooling gets a single-sentence mention as "too highly individualized for good data to be gathered." As a homeschooler who plans on homeschooling, I'm skeptical. I imagine, in the after-math of pandemic school closures and the massive rise in homeschooling, more data will be collected and there will be room in the future for a second edition or add-on chapter.
Given Oster's general even-handedness in considering potential family dynamics and circumstances that could influence decision-making (she is an economist) which is what I loved most about her other two books, the near-complete sidestepping of homeschooling was odd to me. Maybe she was writing primarily to parents whose kids attend school outside the home, (which would make sense) but it's still weird she didn't disclose that in the intro if that is indeed the case.
Definitely glad I read it and will be referring back to it as my kids age.
May 3, 2023
Emily Oster's books and Substack have been a mainstay in our house since we were first expecting (then) Peanut 8+ years ago. Expecting Better and Cribsheet were heavy on data and analysis in a way that brought us a saner and more rational way to think about pregnancy and infant care.
The Family Firm brings a bit of the same - it does still have interesting data on things like screen-access, extracurriculars, and kindergarten 'red-shirting', but it's also a very different book. As Oster says, as the kids get older, causal data is a lot harder to come by and - at the same time - decisions become infinitely more complex.
What the Family Firm best does is provide a framework for thinking about making big decisions in your family. It all flows from the idea of crafting a family mission statement - what are the things that are most important to your family? From there, there's a framework for decision-making that includes framing the question, collecting data, meeting to make a decision, and follow-up. This book is considerably less tactical, but the ideas in it might actually be more useful at key times too. Definitely a great read for parents with elementary and middle-school aged kids!
The Family Firm brings a bit of the same - it does still have interesting data on things like screen-access, extracurriculars, and kindergarten 'red-shirting', but it's also a very different book. As Oster says, as the kids get older, causal data is a lot harder to come by and - at the same time - decisions become infinitely more complex.
What the Family Firm best does is provide a framework for thinking about making big decisions in your family. It all flows from the idea of crafting a family mission statement - what are the things that are most important to your family? From there, there's a framework for decision-making that includes framing the question, collecting data, meeting to make a decision, and follow-up. This book is considerably less tactical, but the ideas in it might actually be more useful at key times too. Definitely a great read for parents with elementary and middle-school aged kids!
September 16, 2021
This book, like Emily Oster's other books, tackles various parenting decisions while looking at the data from the valid studies that are available. Oster takes this age group a step further by introducing the concept that parenting decisions should be made "business-style" by using good data and balancing what's good for the family/child as a whole. Now, Emily Oster is NOT educated in child development nor education (I saw her described elsewhere as "parenting guru"?); her specialty is economics, as well as analyzing data and determining what child/parenting studies as valid or "good" as opposed to news sites spouting off one half-truth from a poorly run study. I, for one, enjoyed the book. There were a few conclusions that I had already knew about, and a few conclusions that made me go "really? Huh." For many of these parenting choices, it comes down to "whatever works the best for your family"...did you really need a whole book for that? I look forward to her book on teens when it comes out in a few more years (this is happening, right?)
Emily Oster also narrates her own audiobook, which was a nice surprise, as her humor really comes through this way; I actually laughed out loud a few times!
Emily Oster also narrates her own audiobook, which was a nice surprise, as her humor really comes through this way; I actually laughed out loud a few times!
November 14, 2021
Basically, here's what the data shows: there's a correlation between the things good parents do and good outcomes for kids. These things include eating family meals, making sure kids do their homework and checking that they've packed it in their backpacks, avoiding violent video games, and giving them good bedtimes, healthy food, and extracurricular activities.
HOWEVER, these are all behaviors that are far more prevalent in homes with parents who are educated, intelligent, deliberate, and emotionally stable. The data on (nearly) all these issues doesn't untangle correlation and causation. Could it be that a parent who is educationally and emotionally successful will pass on success to their children, regardless of the home policies? Short answer is probably.
I enjoy Emily Oster's writing and her data-heavy approach, and probably would have liked her books on pregnancy and babies. I also enjoyed reading this book. But when it comes to school-aged kids, there's not a lot of decision-making that is benefited much from being informed by data, apparently.
HOWEVER, these are all behaviors that are far more prevalent in homes with parents who are educated, intelligent, deliberate, and emotionally stable. The data on (nearly) all these issues doesn't untangle correlation and causation. Could it be that a parent who is educationally and emotionally successful will pass on success to their children, regardless of the home policies? Short answer is probably.
I enjoy Emily Oster's writing and her data-heavy approach, and probably would have liked her books on pregnancy and babies. I also enjoyed reading this book. But when it comes to school-aged kids, there's not a lot of decision-making that is benefited much from being informed by data, apparently.
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