Desperate to find respite from the knowledge of her father's infidelities, his verbal abuse, and her step-mother's psychological torment, Gina spent hours doing Jane Fonda’s workouts, smoked cigarettes instead of eating food, and became obsessed with her thinness... with the notion of fading away. She found solace in restlessness—drinking hallucinogenic mushroom tea and inhaling crushed pills and powders—perching herself on the periphery of danger again and again.
Gina finally glimpsed a better life for herself when her grandfather, a man who was a surrogate father to her, became terminally ill. She fell in love with John, a stranger who was utterly familiar, but who was addicted to heroin. She moved from New Hampshire to California, crossing the country in an attempt to alleviate her self-destructive tendencies, but found herself pulled back to New Hampshire, to John, a man with whom, despite his struggle, she could not deny the sense of home she felt.
But what would it cost for a girl to run wildly and recklessly into womanhood, making instant, temporary homes?
Gina Troisi’s work has appeared in numerous literary journals and anthologies, including Fourth Genre, The Gettysburg Review, Fugue, Under the Sun, Flyway: Journal of Writing and Environment, and elsewhere. Her stories and essays have been recognized as finalists in several national contests, including the 2020 Iron Horse Literary Review Trifecta Award in Fiction, the 2018 New Letters Publication Award in Fiction, American Literary Review’s Creative Nonfiction Contest, 2018, and others. She has taught numerous classes and workshops in both traditional and nontraditional settings, including writing workshops for female adult survivors of sexual assault. She lives in coastal Maine.
Gina Troisi's father is a serial philanderer and proud of it, to the complete emotional neglect of his children. When he marries an emotionally abusive woman, Ms. Troisi survives by numbing herself with substances and emotionally unavailable men, most especially John a heroin addict. This compelling memoir is full of heartbreak and hope, with Ms. Troisi constantly angling the light to see the possibilities hiding behind the losses and finally find herself a home. Impossible to put down.
The Angle of Flickering Light is a memoir of resilience from an honest and articulate guide. Troisi writes about her unavailable and inappropriate father and his irrational second wife who lay down the tracks of poor self-esteem, eating disorders, and lack of empathy in a world where the rules change daily. These early experiences lead Troisi into bad behaviors and poor choices. Yet the writing doesn’t come from a place of anger. Instead, Troisi is clear-eyed and forthcoming about why she has chosen drugs, heroin addicts, and convicts, showing us the foibles and tenderness of her companions. As she matures, she quiets, overcomes her fears, and shifts her habits, taking the reader along on this lyrical journey. Well worth the read.
I’ll never tire of memoirs by those born into dark childhood traumas, from which they emerge into light. Gina Troisi’s “The Angle of Flickering Light” is just such an outflow of family ugliness into beauty.
She minces no words in describing her father’s emotional vacancy that led to the breakup of their family and the subsequent psychological abuse visited upon Gina by his mentally disturbed second wife. To escape, the author strikes out into a youth and young adulthood filled with reckless behavior. Though knowing she’s at risk herself, she attempts to rescue those around her as a means of proving her stepmother’s cruel and belittling words untrue.
Despite those dark years, the author slowly lifts herself up through the love of a caring grandfather, a strong mother and a compulsion to write; the last as a way to make sense of what happened, then as a way to discover a path to happiness.
Because Ms. Troisi healed through the process of writing, which involved taking many writing courses over the years, her narrative is spectacular. She’s blunt when she needs to be and lyrical as the title when describing how a wavering spirit can right itself and burn brilliantly without burning out.
When describing her willingness to give over to creation, she writes “…these moments actually take me out of myself and into something greater, every sweet smell of lilac, every drink of outside air, each silvery raindrop glistening on a naked tree branch bringing me back to this solo endeavor that grants me relief, prompts me to walk outside and plant my feet on the dirt and dandelions, to find myself at home.”
Gina Troisi’s lawyer father is a serial philanderer. Rather than being secretive about his affairs, he tells five-year-old Gina and her sister about them before he abandons them to marry his secretary, Brenda. That impropriety marks the beginning of years of verbal abuse and neglect from her father and psychological torment from Brenda. These assaults on Gina’s young psyche in turn lead to her own drug abuse and participation in codependent relationships (particularly with John, a heroin addict) as she searches for a home, a place to call her own, both within and without herself. Gina is fortunate, though, to have an involved and caring mother and grandfather.
With lean prose, heavily laced with personal insight, Gina places a harsh spotlight on herself yet manages to maintain a spark of humanity alive within her during as she for self-acceptance and a home.
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.
This searing, illuminating memoir has really stayed with me. Troisi is clear-eyed and adept at navigating her childhood and her adulthood alike -- from the casual cruelty and uncertainty generated by an abusive stepparent, to the deep, heart-rending grief of losing a beloved grandparent -- everything is examined with honesty and compassion. One startling revelation near the end of the book, in particular, has stuck with me. Like the title suggests, this memoir looks at Troisi's life from different angles, not shying away from the shadows or from the brightness.
In this stunning and provocative memoir, the author takes us by the hand and walks us through her often heartbreaking experiences with her abusive father and stepmother as a young child and her self-sabotaging and high-risk behaviors as a young adult. It’s such a beautiful and painful read the way the author captured her childhood, constant fear, and how those early traumatic experiences manifested in her young adult life from her flirtation with drugs to troubled relationships with men and dealing with the devastating loss of her grandfather. What makes this memoir so memorable long after you turn the last page is the author's willingness to break her heart wide open and share her story with such rawness and vulnerability. I found myself both crying for the young child and cheering for the strong woman she becomes as a result of her adverse childhood experiences. As we travel cross-country with her, we can feel and experience her bravery as she searches for her deeper truth and faces her demons head-on. As the author comes to embrace her shadow side, she’s able to accept her wholeness and change her life for the better by choosing to heal rather than hang on to her shame, anger, and bitterness. The Angle of flickering light is FABULOUS!!! I loved it and finished this in two sittings. The gorgeous prose, the author’s honesty, and open heart make this a must a read for anyone who has ever wanted to forgive their past and move into their future with courage, hope, and light. Thank you, Gina Troisi, for a memorable read. I look forward to reading future work from this talented author.
Susan Casey Author of Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief
Gina’s Troisi’s essay collection, The Angle of Flickering Light, opens with the narrator playing with pens decorated with pictures of women whose clothes disappear when the writing implements are turned upside down. That the narrator, five-year-old Troisi, is alone in her father’s condo adds a subtle yet clear confirmation that this childhood is not progressing down a healthy path. Although this collection contains stories of cruelty, loss, and abandonment, a flickering light weaves through every piece. Our narrator, through stops and starts, gathers that light and fashions a path towards healing. Troisi’s childhood is turned upside down when her self-absorbed father marries an emotionally abusive woman bent on terrifying her. Troisi finds no protection in the adult world and survives by numbing herself. Throughout adolescence she starves herself and is reckless with substances, boys, and behaviors. Early adulthood finds her forming love relationships with men who are unable to commit—doing her best to heal them instead of herself. Throughout the collection there is the subtle presence of the flickering light. Whether the light be her mother, friends, or time in nature, Troisi gathers—slowly—the flickering light until a way through her own darkness can be found. A path to a home that is literal, figurative, and internal. Troisi is a knowledgeable, skillful guide through this narrative of loss and abandonment. Her writing is a clear map on this search for identity and belonging.
This book blew me away. The writing is lyrical and piercing and captures the experience many of us have growing up -- the desire to break free, to wander, to explore our independence while also struggling to articulate our need for home, for stability, for love. Gina does what the best memoirists do, unearth their memories -- some painful, some beautiful - and hold them up to the light. She writes with a care and empathy that can only come from years of sifting through trauma and searching for meaning in chaos. I don't want to give away specific details, and in a way, the particular events aren't as important as the way Gina depicts them, how she brings the reader into her experiences as girl and as a woman. By the end, we feel like we too have lived these events and her narrative voice becomes a trustworthy guide.
I can't recommend this enough. If you liked Wild or other memoirs written by strong women struggling to make sense of their childhoods and their relationships, then definitely pick this up.
Honest is the first word that comes to mind when sitting down to write a review of The Angle of Flickering Light by Gina Troisi.
By writing about her childhood from her memories, she discovers her own strength and makes the journey from a dark unhappy child, troubled teen and lost youth to health and light as a loving, talented, inspiring adult.
She doesn’t wallow in self pity or make excuses for mistakes made along the way. Ms. Troisi is obviously talented and intelligent, but her determination and perseverance, her hard work and persistence brought her from the darkness of her childhood to the light of her successful adulthood.
Facing your demons head on is tough, yet she took the challenge and by doing so fought her way through the tunnel of darkness and into the light though honest self-examination and her beautiful expressive writing.
Her story is very readable, and I just want to say thank you, Gina, for sharing your journey.
I’m a huge fan of memoirs, specifically ones that tell of traumatic childhoods and how that person grew into a better person. Books like that always give me such hope, no matter the situation- it will get better. Gina tells of her childhood- she had a father who totally neglected her and married a women that emotionally abused her. Gina went through low self esteem, eating disorders, drug addiction and emotionally unavailable men. This book is full of hope and how one can see the light is always shining you just have to angle it differently sometimes.
Wow what a memoir! This book broke my heart in so many ways. Gina Troisi’s father whose a lawyer is a proud serial philander, he goes to the extreme of bragging about his affairs to Gina and her sister. He marries his secretary Brenda. When he marries Brenda so begins the years that will forever change Ginas life, the emotional neglect and the verbal abuse this little girl had to endure was completely devastating. Gina as a young girl would tried to be the perfect child, as a seen an not heard so she wouldn’t have the wrath of her father and stepmother. After enduring this pain Gina has low self esteem, drug addiction and searched for love in all the wrong places particularly with a heroin addict named John. She desperately wants to find a place to call home. After surviving so many dark years and wanting to survive and with the love of her wonderful grandfather, with the urge to write and wanting to get the words out to release the pain she has buried within herself she begins to realize she deserves happiness and it wasn’t her fault. Writing was a healing process for Gina and I could feel the pain in her writing and it truly gives us hope by the end of the book. I myself survived living with an emotional, psychological and even abusive stepparent. My stepmother played mind games and got off doing this to me since I wasn’t her “real child”, it’s something I still live with. I went to therapy later but I didn’t realize burying the pain inside caused me to hurt others around me because I was afraid to let people get to close to me. I related to the author of trying to be the perfect child and still getting attacked, this happened to as well. My stepmother picked out my insecurities and would pick at them, as a young girl , this still affects me, like I was darker than her own children my mother was Mexican, my weight my looks, I feel like I’m a survivor now but my childhood still makes me emotional. I applaud the authors strength. Five stars. If anyone ever needs to talk please know I’m always here.
__ This memoir really resonated with me as like the author, I was “silently” abused as a child! People tend to think physical abuse is the worst thing possible. Like the quote said, Gina didn’t have visual signs of abuse...but she absolutely was abused as a child. Emotional/Psychological/verbal abuse is 1000xs worse on your psyche and the most difficult to overcome, plus it’s invisible! Writing was Gina’s therapy and was able to heal those deep rooted wounds. Keep writing and healing Gina💜!
Love and be kind to your children and keep them kids for as long as possible!
The only thing I would have enjoyed is if the story was continuous and didn’t flip back and forth to childhood and adulthood.
Gina Troisi shares with us her life growing up with a narcissistic father who loved to share all his infidelities with Gina and her sisters. After divorcing her mother, her father married a woman who seemed to relish in psychologically abusing Gina.
Trying to stay thin in unhealthy ways and then turning to alcohol and drugs, Gina walks down dark and dangerous paths. Gina seeks out the wrong kinds of relationships, such as being drawn to a heroin addict.
The timeline bounces back and forth quite a bit, but you can hear the ache in Gina’s prose. Right up to the final pages, where Gina describes her peace in writing and recovery, you can still sense that little girl who longed for a loving home.
Thank you to @suzyapprovedbooktours and @ginatroisiwriter for an invite to the tour and a gifted copy.
The Angle of Flickering Light by Gina Troisi is a beautifully written and elegantly narrated memoir that I couldn't put down. The little girl's voice was wise yet innocent. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, protect her, save her. It became an urgency. During the worst of it, my heart pounded. I cried because no child should have to experience what little Gina experienced.
How can a father be so despicable to verbally abuse his child for years and then allow his new wife to torment her psychologically? He dismissed his duty as father and protector. His blatant self-centeredness was unpardonable.
To endure, Gina crawled inside herself and became the picture-perfect child, seen but not heard. At age 12, scarred, psyche damaged, she dove head-first into abusing drugs. As a teenager, she entered reckless and doomed sexual relationships. It was her will to survive that finally freed Gina. Her courage heartened me. I thought of all the people who should read this memoir, victims who need to understand that they too can survive.
Gina dissects the worst of her past and ends up proving to this reader that we all have an innate ability to rise above that which would keep us down. And while we can debate forever why people abuse their children, we should find solace in knowing that if we support victims and teach our young to honour each other, we can put an end to abuse.
The Angle of Flickering Light shares emotions that few of us can put into words. I was saddened, enraged, but mostly moved by Gina's memoir. I encourage you to read it. It's a beautiful thing when someone opens themselves up and trusts you with their truth.
Reminiscent of Cheryl Strayed's Wild and Michael Ondaatje's Running in the Family, The Angle of Flickering Light considers the past as a way to move into the future. Gina is an honest, insightful narrator with a keen eye for details. Her skillful shifts between memories adds depth to her experiences and her reflections. Once I began reading this compelling book, I couldn't stop.
Strong in terms of content and craft. It moves across the States as the author works things out that seem tied to place and people. Things like love and attraction, family, loss, addiction and recovery . . . and the stories we all tell ourselves and others. Enjoyed it in a three-day dip.
The author touches upon all the physical senses in this riveting book. The details are so visual and real as the author describes her struggles, which end in great strengths. In the end, she finds love and the light. This book is a must read!!!
I always find it so brave when people that survived incredibly difficult childhoods write down their story for everyone to read. The author takes us through years of abuse and neglect at the hands of her father and his second wife and how that shaped the adult she became and the choices she made. Her mother's strength and her grandfather's love helped save her from her destructive tendencies and through her bold yet tender writing she learned how to heal. This story of survival and courage is well-written and deserves to be out in the light.
I received a gifted copy in exchange for an honest review.
What is home? What is safety? How do you find your authentic self when you're surrounded by abuse and addiction, when you're a "...girl who only felt normal when hanging from the edges of things."? Gina Troisi's courageous memoir is heart-wrenching and heart-stopping and definitely unputdownable. Highly recommended.
A searing and honest story of one woman’s journey to find herself. Few have stared so unblinkingly into their pain or as clear-eyed at the winding, rocky pathway home. All of us have something to learn from Troisi’s unflinching account.
Brave, raw and emotionally compelling. Gina's childhood was filled with heartache and fear. Her dad was a philandering a**h**e who took joy in bragging to his very young daughter how he cheated on her mother with multiple women and then left his wife for his secretary. This new wife is batsh*t crazy and psychologically abuses young Gina for no apparent reason. This unsettling upbringing manifests itself in the self destructive choices Gina makes as a young woman and into adulthood. Emotionally unavailable men, addicts and jailbirds are her go to's, consciously knowing there is no future but still following the pull on her heart like a drug. One of the many drugs she's indulged in. To me this memoir was like watching a butterfly emerge from its cocoon. From the drama of her youth to this beautiful poetically written history, a catharsis if you will, to the self realized woman she is today. This is an emotionally charged and heartfelt rendering of growing up in the margins only to see value in the reflections of that life lived. I highly recommend this one to those who enjoy watching the flowers grow up through the ashes. . Thank you to the author, Vine Leaves Press and Suzy Approved Book Tours for the gifted copy and including me on this tour.
Perhaps Gina Troisi's greatest skill is in how smooth a read she made this moving, compelling memoir. I was carried along assuredly by her lean, vivid prose and keen, empathetic telling, and could have read uninterrupted, rapt.
But I reminded myself to pause among the pages every now and then, to savor just how much control and deftness Troisi exerts over the depiction of her past trauma and the often cruel, pivotal markings and turning points of her life. I admire how finely structured and wrought this memoir. More, I admire its author's extraordinary resilience and transcendence.
A luminous memoir of trauma and healing. I stayed up late finishing this book, immersed in the Gina Troisi's journey. I love how she captures the searing moments of childhood and adolescence, traces the ways the pain of addiction and betrayal reverberate through self and family. She writes in clear, candid prose about her father's infidelities, her childhood traumas, her reckless explorations with substances and sex-- and discovers writing as a pathway to healing. There is wisdom and hope and beauty in this story. A must-read for anyone struggling with addiction, or close to someone who is.
I couldn't help but devour this in one sitting. I love love love the flow and style of the writing. Aren't we all trying to find and define home, both within and outside of ourselves? This is a really special memoir rooted in NH.
As of late, I've been feeling like I'm wasting my life like I'll never get to where I want to go. Ms. Troisi's story of how she wandered aimlessly for quite a while, only to find true happiness in her pain and future, showed me that living life, both the mistakes and successes that we experience, gives richness and meaning to our existence.
The Angle of Flickering Light is a gritty and brave story about a young woman’s struggle with abusive parents and addiction, while in search for identity and love, and eventually finding light through belonging and finding solace in coming home.
Though heartbreaking, I find Troisi’s writing to be visceral and emotional, and while I take in every word of her story, I felt every suffering, sadness, trauma, and disappointment, but then also the triumph and the highs of her maturing and glowing, and no longer just flickering.
The perfect read for me for Nonfiction November, and I highly recommend this well written memoir.