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The Other Side of Absence: Discovering My Father's Secrets
Betty O’Neill grew up knowing very little about her father, Antoni. She knew that he had fled Poland after World War Two, that he had disappeared overnight when she was just an infant, and that his brief reappearance when she was a young adult had been a harrowing, painful ordeal.
Fifty-five years after he deserted her family, Betty is determined to find out more. What drove him to abandon them, twice? What was his story? Who was Antoni Jagielski?
Her search for truth takes Betty to Poland, where she unexpectedly inherits a family apartment from the half sister she never knew – a time capsule of her father’s life. Sifting through photos and letters she begins to piece together a picture of her father as a Polish resistance fighter, a survivor of Auschwitz and Gusen concentration camps, an exile in post-war England, and a migrant to Australia. But the deeper she searches, the darker the revelations about her father become, as Betty is faced with disturbing truths buried within her family.
Honest, compelling, and meticulously researched, The Other Side of Absence is an elegant debut memoir of resilience and strength, and of a daughter reconciling the damage that families inherit from war.
Fifty-five years after he deserted her family, Betty is determined to find out more. What drove him to abandon them, twice? What was his story? Who was Antoni Jagielski?
Her search for truth takes Betty to Poland, where she unexpectedly inherits a family apartment from the half sister she never knew – a time capsule of her father’s life. Sifting through photos and letters she begins to piece together a picture of her father as a Polish resistance fighter, a survivor of Auschwitz and Gusen concentration camps, an exile in post-war England, and a migrant to Australia. But the deeper she searches, the darker the revelations about her father become, as Betty is faced with disturbing truths buried within her family.
Honest, compelling, and meticulously researched, The Other Side of Absence is an elegant debut memoir of resilience and strength, and of a daughter reconciling the damage that families inherit from war.
311 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
December 24, 2020
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‘I’d come to some understanding of the decisions my father had made and how his history had shaped him and in turn had shaped me.’
The Other Side of Absence by Betty O’Neill is a raw and affecting memoir piece. A touching, honest and surprising life story unravels, as author Betty O’Neill embarks upon a moving journey into learning why her father was largely absent from her life. This rich family biography evokes plenty of emotion and deep reflection.
A meeting with her father at nineteen years old after her had been absent from her childhood encouraged Betty O’Neill to investigate her father’s life. With scant information to go on in regards to her father’s movements, Betty O’Neill uses her memoir as a platform to look closely at the reasons why her father abandoned her and what he endured in life following his wartime experiences in Poland. In penning her book, O’Neill visited European destinations such as Poland and Austria, which resulted in the shock discovery of an inherited flat and a half sister. Betty then had to wade her way through the plethora of information available to her about her father. With the help of a translator, first hand accounts, documents, photographs, letters and more, Betty begins to form a picture of the man who was not only her father, but a concentration camp survivor and a resistance fighter. We learn that after Betty’s father escaped from Europe, he settled in Australia, but this was a dark and tumultuous time for this clearly disturbed man. The Other Side of Absence is a conflicting tribute to an absent father and a broken man, told from the eyes of those left scarred by his life story.
The Other Side of Absence is the debut memoir from Sydney based teacher and writer Betty O’Neill. This compelling family history investigation is told over three parts and twenty-two chapters. With an accompanying Acknowledgments, Bibliography and Author section, O’Neill’s revealing look into her father’s secrets is a poignant read. Supporting the text areas are photographs, transcripts, letters, maps, summary notes, historical records, website search results, advertisements, emails, eye witness accounts, cemetery plaques, prisoner card images, memorandums, personal testimonies, medical reports and keynote speeches. I’m sure you will agree that this is an extensive list of sources which the author has utilised to form the basis of her memoir. The Other Side of Absence is an authentic and comprehensive composition, penned by a thoughtful writer.
As a keen-eyed reader of World War II fiction and non-fiction, the opportunity to discover more about this unforgettable period in our history books is always welcomed on my behalf. Although I find books dealing with the Second World War and the Holocaust harrowing, I think it is imperative that we continue to read these testimonies to the past. In circulating first hand accounts such as Betty O’Neill’s father’s story, we are working towards building a future where peace can prevail, past mistakes cannot be replicated and the lost souls of this awful time in history can never be forgotten. The Other side of Absence is text that is able to successfully communicate the trauma of war that follows not only those who lived the experience, but those who were left behind and the generations that have come after. Passed down from one generation to the next, whole families have been consumed by the wounds of war trauma. Although The Other Side of Absence is about Antoni Jagielski’s story, it is just as much his daughter Betty O’Neill’s self-examination into her own life and psychology. I felt every moment with Betty as she worked understand why her father was absent from her life for so long. In a brave and bold move, Betty’s determination in exposing the truth in regards to her father’s life path contributed to a lengthy first-hand investigation into Antoni’s significant movements during the war and after the war. With plenty of shocks, surprises, challenges, misunderstandings, high emotion and moments of semblance defining Betty’s family history expedition, the reader will be left changed by this search into the past.
A crucial and extensive family history memoir, Betty O’Neill’s The Other Side of Absence is a sincere text that reminds us of the strength of the human spirit to withstand great challenges. A reminder of the carnage of the war to the victims, their loved ones and future generations, Betty O’Neill’s memoir is a must read.
*Thanks extended to Ventura Press and the author for providing a free copy of this book for review purposes.
The Other Side of Absence is book #138 of the 2020 Australian Women Writers Challenge
‘I’d come to some understanding of the decisions my father had made and how his history had shaped him and in turn had shaped me.’
The Other Side of Absence by Betty O’Neill is a raw and affecting memoir piece. A touching, honest and surprising life story unravels, as author Betty O’Neill embarks upon a moving journey into learning why her father was largely absent from her life. This rich family biography evokes plenty of emotion and deep reflection.
A meeting with her father at nineteen years old after her had been absent from her childhood encouraged Betty O’Neill to investigate her father’s life. With scant information to go on in regards to her father’s movements, Betty O’Neill uses her memoir as a platform to look closely at the reasons why her father abandoned her and what he endured in life following his wartime experiences in Poland. In penning her book, O’Neill visited European destinations such as Poland and Austria, which resulted in the shock discovery of an inherited flat and a half sister. Betty then had to wade her way through the plethora of information available to her about her father. With the help of a translator, first hand accounts, documents, photographs, letters and more, Betty begins to form a picture of the man who was not only her father, but a concentration camp survivor and a resistance fighter. We learn that after Betty’s father escaped from Europe, he settled in Australia, but this was a dark and tumultuous time for this clearly disturbed man. The Other Side of Absence is a conflicting tribute to an absent father and a broken man, told from the eyes of those left scarred by his life story.
The Other Side of Absence is the debut memoir from Sydney based teacher and writer Betty O’Neill. This compelling family history investigation is told over three parts and twenty-two chapters. With an accompanying Acknowledgments, Bibliography and Author section, O’Neill’s revealing look into her father’s secrets is a poignant read. Supporting the text areas are photographs, transcripts, letters, maps, summary notes, historical records, website search results, advertisements, emails, eye witness accounts, cemetery plaques, prisoner card images, memorandums, personal testimonies, medical reports and keynote speeches. I’m sure you will agree that this is an extensive list of sources which the author has utilised to form the basis of her memoir. The Other Side of Absence is an authentic and comprehensive composition, penned by a thoughtful writer.
As a keen-eyed reader of World War II fiction and non-fiction, the opportunity to discover more about this unforgettable period in our history books is always welcomed on my behalf. Although I find books dealing with the Second World War and the Holocaust harrowing, I think it is imperative that we continue to read these testimonies to the past. In circulating first hand accounts such as Betty O’Neill’s father’s story, we are working towards building a future where peace can prevail, past mistakes cannot be replicated and the lost souls of this awful time in history can never be forgotten. The Other side of Absence is text that is able to successfully communicate the trauma of war that follows not only those who lived the experience, but those who were left behind and the generations that have come after. Passed down from one generation to the next, whole families have been consumed by the wounds of war trauma. Although The Other Side of Absence is about Antoni Jagielski’s story, it is just as much his daughter Betty O’Neill’s self-examination into her own life and psychology. I felt every moment with Betty as she worked understand why her father was absent from her life for so long. In a brave and bold move, Betty’s determination in exposing the truth in regards to her father’s life path contributed to a lengthy first-hand investigation into Antoni’s significant movements during the war and after the war. With plenty of shocks, surprises, challenges, misunderstandings, high emotion and moments of semblance defining Betty’s family history expedition, the reader will be left changed by this search into the past.
A crucial and extensive family history memoir, Betty O’Neill’s The Other Side of Absence is a sincere text that reminds us of the strength of the human spirit to withstand great challenges. A reminder of the carnage of the war to the victims, their loved ones and future generations, Betty O’Neill’s memoir is a must read.
*Thanks extended to Ventura Press and the author for providing a free copy of this book for review purposes.
The Other Side of Absence is book #138 of the 2020 Australian Women Writers Challenge
February 22, 2021
Well written and informative on so many levels. "Discovering my father's secrets" describes the story well, whilst recognising that some secrets you discover may be uncomfortable. And an implied message for those contemplating researching their family history, don't leave it too late.
September 1, 2020
A candid telling of the quest of the author to find more information about her father, who disappeared from her life one day, leaving her and her mother on their own, only to appear years later, behaving strangely and then disappearing again. O'Neill followed what little leads she had to discover quite a lot about her father and his life before and after she met him. The trail of documents led to a long tour of Europe, covering locations in England, Poland, Austria, and to horrific and painful discoveries about concentration camps, torture of resistance warriors, mental illness as a result of severe traumas, second-generation effects, and much more.
This is not an easy read, and as a Jew of Polish descent, a few observations by the author here and there were difficult to swallow. I was surprised, for instance, at how much the author did not know about the horrors that took place in the camps, and a bit upset when it looked like the author did not understand what made things different for Jews during WWII, even when other people suffered as well. It was strange that the author sometimes needed documentary proofs or experts' explanations to understand why her father and his family were as they were. Wasn't it obvious? Since I live in Israel, and was surrounded by Holocaust survivors and refugees as a child growing up, being third-generation myself to parents who are second-generation, it all seemed very familiar to me. But I guess anyone not living in such an environment may not have the knowledge or ability to understand the depth of the trauma and may need further guidance in order to fully grasp the effect of it. In addition, I get the difficulty of a girl abandoned to her fate by her father to be able to rise above her own hurt and accept what happened, and I respect the author for her ability to do so.
All in all, I'm glad I read this book and had the chance to see things from a different perspectives. I hope the author managed to find peace with everything that happened eventually and is enjoying her present life.
This is not an easy read, and as a Jew of Polish descent, a few observations by the author here and there were difficult to swallow. I was surprised, for instance, at how much the author did not know about the horrors that took place in the camps, and a bit upset when it looked like the author did not understand what made things different for Jews during WWII, even when other people suffered as well. It was strange that the author sometimes needed documentary proofs or experts' explanations to understand why her father and his family were as they were. Wasn't it obvious? Since I live in Israel, and was surrounded by Holocaust survivors and refugees as a child growing up, being third-generation myself to parents who are second-generation, it all seemed very familiar to me. But I guess anyone not living in such an environment may not have the knowledge or ability to understand the depth of the trauma and may need further guidance in order to fully grasp the effect of it. In addition, I get the difficulty of a girl abandoned to her fate by her father to be able to rise above her own hurt and accept what happened, and I respect the author for her ability to do so.
All in all, I'm glad I read this book and had the chance to see things from a different perspectives. I hope the author managed to find peace with everything that happened eventually and is enjoying her present life.
October 4, 2020
This was an interesting read. Author Betty O'Neill goes in search of her long last father, who abandoned her and her mother, when she was a small child. She discovers that he fought for the Polish resistance, and was imprisoned in various concentration camps including Auschwitz. The work was hard to put down until the end, when the narrative dragged a bit, particularly after readers learnt about Betty's father. Still, a recommended read.
January 19, 2021
A fascinating exploration of family ties (or lack thereof) and the Polish dimension of WWII.
August 23, 2020
This memoir, like others I have read (such as Magda Szubanski’s Reckoning, or Esther Safran Foer’s I want you to know we’re still here), illuminate the present by examining the past.
The Other Side of Absence is a beautifully written, engrossing and heartfelt addition to Australian memoir.
https://denisenewtonwrites.com/?p=1885
The Other Side of Absence: Discovering My Father's SecretsBetty O'Neill
The Other Side of Absence is a beautifully written, engrossing and heartfelt addition to Australian memoir.
https://denisenewtonwrites.com/?p=1885
The Other Side of Absence: Discovering My Father's SecretsBetty O'Neill
August 24, 2020
Beautifully and simply written, Betty O'Neill engages the reader to come with her on this fascinating journey. Lke Betty, we're torn beteween conflicting emotions as we discover more of her father's story.
March 13, 2021
Betty O'Neill and her mother had been deserted in Australia fifty-five years ago when her Polish father, Antoni Jagielski, had apparently returned to Poland. Knowing nothing about his reasons for the abandonment, knowing little about him except that he had fled Poland after WWII, and having carried the pain of that desertion throughout her life, O'Neill showed admirable courage in journeying to Poland to answer the questions of her father's past as a resistance fighter and concentration camp prisoner. But, above all the revelations that emerged through her persistent efforts and the support she received in Poland, what was most illuminating were the startling truths about his/her family itself. What she discovered was life-changing and set her on a path of commitment to honour the memory "of all those who suffered, all those who died, and also all those, like [her] father, who survived."
What complicated the author's emotional journey were the dark truths about her father and the conflicting portraits that emerged about the man whom some labelled as heroic, yet whose disturbed behaviour certainly could be seen as despicable. Like O'Neill, my responses to what I learned about him ranged from sympathetic to condemning. Therein lay the intrigue and the excellence of this text, as the author relinquished her need for a neat explanation to his history and, ultimately, accepted the contradictions that emerged.
I have always read widely about the Holocaust from a Jewish perspective and I am grateful that O'Neill's memoir took me to less familiar territory in learning more about the Polish non-Jewish response. There was little mention of the Jewish genocide, which I found uncomfortable; yet, her concluding comments reassured me that she had in no way forgotten the six million Jews throughout Europe, including 90% of the Polish Jewish population, who had been murdered by the Nazi machine.
What complicated the author's emotional journey were the dark truths about her father and the conflicting portraits that emerged about the man whom some labelled as heroic, yet whose disturbed behaviour certainly could be seen as despicable. Like O'Neill, my responses to what I learned about him ranged from sympathetic to condemning. Therein lay the intrigue and the excellence of this text, as the author relinquished her need for a neat explanation to his history and, ultimately, accepted the contradictions that emerged.
I have always read widely about the Holocaust from a Jewish perspective and I am grateful that O'Neill's memoir took me to less familiar territory in learning more about the Polish non-Jewish response. There was little mention of the Jewish genocide, which I found uncomfortable; yet, her concluding comments reassured me that she had in no way forgotten the six million Jews throughout Europe, including 90% of the Polish Jewish population, who had been murdered by the Nazi machine.
November 20, 2020
A desire to find out more about her absent father challenged Betty O’Neil over a number of years. Her voyage of discovery lead to her questioning her father’s credibility as a number of facts came to light. Her father had been a Polish resistance fighter, detained and sent to Auschwitz and Gusen concentration camps.
Fifty-five years after her father deserted her mother, Betty travels to Poland and begins to unravel the mystery surrounding the movements of her father’s earlier life and the events which lead to his abandonment of his Australian family.
Fifty-five years after her father deserted her mother, Betty travels to Poland and begins to unravel the mystery surrounding the movements of her father’s earlier life and the events which lead to his abandonment of his Australian family.
March 6, 2023
A compelling memoir. The author leaves no stone unturned in unravelling the truth of her father's life. A man she never really knew, revealing unexpected surprises along they way. This book is not just about Betty's father, but her own journey. Unexpected revelations and a new understanding of her father is an inspiration for others who may have narror views of their ancestors lives.
The depth of details is amazing and I imagine a lot of diary entries and and research behind the scenes contributes to a scholarly work. This is now among my favourite family history reads.
The depth of details is amazing and I imagine a lot of diary entries and and research behind the scenes contributes to a scholarly work. This is now among my favourite family history reads.
January 24, 2021
About a polish survivor of concentration camps and his family, came to Australia alone and married again to have another daughter, then deserting them and going back to Poland to his first wife and daughter. Years on after his death his Australian daughter going to Poland to find out more about him including him being a part of the Polish resistance. Found it hard to put down.
January 22, 2024
It’s taken me a while to finish this one as there was always another book I had to read for work. Holidays have meant I could dedicate time to this gem of a read and I’m so glad I could finally have the whole picture. A great read and so well written and edited. Betty, thank you for sharing your story of discovery with us. It was a pleasure to interview you.
May 7, 2021
With beautiful writing Betty carries the reader along her own journey of discovery about how the atrocities of WWII and the communist era in Poland not only killed millions but also changed the survivors and their families.
March 30, 2022
A memoir of a half Polish half Australian women, whose Polish father abandoned her mother and her. Betty’s search for reasons and the discovery of his survival in Auschwitz and Gusen Concentration Camps and a Polish inheritance as half sister.
January 24, 2021
I rate this book 5 stars, I loved it, my app is not working correctly and has mistakenly marked one star.
August 3, 2021
This was a brilliant book - a truly amazing story, told with empathy and honesty. A must read.
September 19, 2021
Congratulations to Betty O'Neill on researching and writing this magnificent memoir. It kept my interest from beginning to end. It was an amazing and compelling read. Thank you.
April 9, 2022
An amazing story written with such honesty and feeling.
August 16, 2020
Thank you for the remarkable read.
July 20, 2022
The book was good, it did lag in some places but by that time you really wanted to know what she found out about her father.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews