Discipline with Dignity: New Challenges, New Solutions

by Richard L. Curwin, Allen N. Mendler, Brian D. Mendler

Discipline with Dignity details an affirming approach to managing the classroom that promotes respect for self and others. This completely updated 3rd edition offers practical solutions that emphasize relationship building, curriculum relevance, and academic success. The emphasis is on preventing problems by helping students to understand each other, work well together, and develop responsibility for their own actions, but the authors also include intervention strategies for handling common and severe problems in dignified ways.

Filled with real-life examples and authentic teacher-student dialogues, Discipline with Dignity is a comprehensive and flexible system of prevention and intervention tools that shows how educators at all levels can
--Be fair without necessarily treating every student the same way.
--Customize the classroom to reflect today's highly diverse and inclusive student population.
--Seek students' help in creating values-based rules and appropriate consequences.
--Use humor appropriately and effectively to respond to abusive language.
--Fine-tune strategies to resolve issues with chronically misbehaving students and "ringleaders" or bullies.

This book is not simply a compendium of strategies for dealing with bad behavior. It is a guide to helping students see themselves in a different way, to changing the way they interact with the world. The strategies innate to this approach help students make informed choices to behave well. When they do, they become more attuned to learning and to understanding how to use what they learn to improve their lives and the lives of others--with dignity.

Genres: Education, Teaching, Nonfiction, Professional Development, Parenting, Grad School, Reference

251 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1988

Reviews

[Veronica Perdomo · Rating 2 out of 5]

The authors started off strong, but they lost me as the book progressed. I agree with most of the points they make, but other times when I think about applying some of the techniques they suggest, I nearly erupt into laughter. To wit...

Right On:

- In the first chapter, they claim that "between 70 and 90 percent of discipline problems have their root causes in places outside school," but that it is "more important ... to appreciate that the 10 to 30 percent of the factors we do control, which are wrapped inside the in-school causes, can change many lives when we maximize the impact of positively affecting these factors." This is something I consistently remind myself of when it seems like I'm fighting an uphill battle.

- Chapter 7: re: developing creative strategies for chronically misbehaving students. The educators among us know how necessary it is to have a varied and ever-evolving and -expanding bag of tricks for classroom management. Curwin et. al. remind us to, when necessary, forget the pedagogy we've "learned" in books. "Helping children acquire skills needed for success in life always trumps philosophy." I couldn't agree more! Pedagogical theory has its place, but at the end of the day it's what WORKS that matters.

- Conclusion: pg. 216
"Teachers frequently ask us, 'What difference can I make? I only have them [pick a time: for an hour, a day, once a week, 15 minutes]. They come from homes with [pick a condition: physical abuse, alcohol or drug abuse, emotional abuse, poverty].' We are resolute in our answer. One hour is better than none. Fifteen minutes is better than none. Your time with this child might be the only time during the day when he feels secure, welcome, productive, and important. Every minute feeling this is one less minute feeling something else." This idea forms the basis of much of my educational philosophy. The least I will have done is serve as a positive example in someone else's life.


Hell No:

- Chapter 7: the authors discuss dealing with stress. One of the things they suggest is to "stop being surprised by what students do" and try not to show stress or anger. OK, I'm with them on this. Kids will be kids. However, they suggest that if a student is trying to push our buttons, we instead smile and say "I'm smiling because I knew you were going to say that. If you want to get the reaction you're looking for, get to class on time, bring your books, and be polite. I promise then I'll be shocked!" Um.... what? If my teacher said that to me, the next words out of my mouth would probably be "Fuck you." You mean you expect me to act like a total failure and come late, unprepared, and be an asshole? Fine, then, bitch. How about something like "I get that you're frustrated, but that was an awfully unproductive way of putting it. Get back to me when you have a more helpful way to voice your concerns."

- Chapter 7: re: dealing with administrators: Include them in activities as a class participant during observations. Fine, nice gesture, but have you seen what a good observation looks like? It is exceedingly detailed and requires close and consistent observation and note-taking, which frankly I WANT my observer to have time to do in order to be able to offer productive feedback on what I'm doing. The authors go further and suggest that we say "In this room everyone participates in what we are doing. Who would like to have ______ in their group?" and NOT TO BACK DOWN if the administrator refuses, because "inside that classroom, you are the boss. It is your name on the door." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL good luck with that.

- On that note, in general: How much time do you think administrators and principals have??? If they implemented all the suggestions you offer, they have no time left to follow through on the rest of the administrative tasks that are far more necessary to the successful functioning of a school.


- Chapter 8: re: unconventional methods of dealing with chronic misbehavors. The authors suggest that, when provoked, we "answer improbably" and suggest the following scenario: "Imagine telling a student that you've had enough of his behavior and you offer him the option to either stop or leave. He looks you square in the eye in the middle of class and says he's not going, you can't make him stop, and concludes with 'What are you going to do about it?' Imagine saying, 'I'm going to finish this lesson, hop on over to the airport, and take the first flight to Mars!' How do you suppose he and the other students might react?" Seriously? By thinking you're fucking stupid and have no idea how to deal with student misbehavior.


OK I can't even keep up with how many things these authors say that make me want to throw this book into the middle of the street. If you are first-year teacher, DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. If you teach in the kind of schools I've worked in, you will get EATEN ALIVE if you follow half the things these people say. I don't know what schools they've observed or in what world they live, but I think they're seriously deluded.

[angrykitty · Rating 2 out of 5]

since i have a hard time trying to coach teachers on classroom management, i thought i'd give this book a try.....

ok, so first off, this book is definitely geared more towards elementary teachers....second, a lot of the example conversations and scenarios were just not believable, and i'm also going to say that they were either intentionally or unintentionally kind of racist in the fact that often the name chosen for the student was one that would be considered "not traditionally white"....especially the boys names. there were some good things to think about for all teachers, but i would never tell a teacher that was having discipline problems to read this book.....in the end, not great.....

[Julie Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

If only all teachers would read this.... practical, loving, perfect approach to handling difficult kids in your classroom without throwing them out, writing them up every day with the hopes that they'll eventually be moved out so that your other kids can learn, etc. You will learn how to humble yourself to be effective. I'm already using these strategies, but it takes a lot of work to learn new habits.

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative book! Great, useful ideas a teacher can take to school the next day. Good book for teacher discussion groups, staff reading , PD. I will have this book on my desk in the fall!

1. Discipline
Schools can make a difference with dignity:
Prevention - what can be done to prevent problems from occurring
Action - what can we do without making it worse
Resolution - what can be done for those who are chronically challenging

2. Dignity and Responsibility in the classroom

Core Beliefs for Effective discipline
- Dealing with student behavior is part of the job
- Always treat students with dignity
- Discipline works best when integrated with effective teaching practices
- Adults see it as their professional responsibility to make positive, consistent connections with students.
- Acting out is sometimes an act of sanity.
- Fair is not always equal.

3. The Three Key Dimensions
- Prevention
- Action
- Resolution

4. The Social Contract
- Connect rules to values/principals
- Identify rules needed to run an effective classroom
- Involve students in developing rules for what they believe they need from you and each other to be successful
- Ensure that rules are clear and specific
- Make consequences relate as directly to the rule as possible
- In developing a consequence, be guided primarily by what is likely to be learned by the student to improve behavior, not by delivering misery.
- Develop a predictable range of consequence for rule violations that allow teachers to match one of the many alternative consequences to a particular circumstance.
- If a student or parent thinks a different consequence will be more effective, consider it and hold them accountable.
- In developing rules and consequences, err on the the side of what is educationally sound rather than PC
- Update contract regularly to ensure effectiveness.

5. Consequences
4 kinds
- Generic - can be applied anywhere/anytime
- Conventional - can be changed into effective consequences
- Educational - designed to teach new behaviors
- Natural/logical - results of student choices

6. Taking Action Effectively
- How we implement a consequence is often more important in determining its effectiveness than the consequence itself.
- Simply state the rule and consequence and off the value the rule is based on.
- Use the power of proximity.
- Make direct eye contact when you deliver a consequence.
- Use soft yet firm tone of voice.
- Do not embarrass the student in front of peers.
- Be firm and anger free when correcting behaviors.
- Do not accept excuses, but keep the door open to another solution.

7. Managing Stress Effectively
-Network with a colleague
- Become predictably Unpredictable - silly dress up day, for example
- Create an "I am Good at" board - students post what they can help others do
- Dear "Abby" board - kids submit problems and once a day/week kids pull a card out and work out the problem together
- Invite principal into classroom; pose solutions to problems existing in classroom

8. Strategies for students who Chronically Misbehave
-Meet with parents
- Make sure problem is due to lack of effort
- form a plan together
- set goals, measurable goals
- Establish consequences
- Consider making the plan into written contract.
- Decide how to monitor progress.

Teach:
STOMA - Stop, Take a breath, Options - think about them, Move on it - make a choice, Appreciate yourself

WIN - What is the problem? Identify Solutions. Narrow down to best choice

TAG - Tell the person what they are doing that is bothering you, Ask the to stop, Get help if they don't

QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally

STAR - Stop, Think, Act Review

Walk away assertively

Use I-messages

Bug/Want
-It bugs me when you _____. I want you to stop.

Quick Comebacks -
I am sorry you feel that way.
I wish you felt differently.
That is your opinion.
I am sorry if I did something to make you mad.
You are right, I apologize.


9. Teaching Strategies and Classroom Setup


10. Special Problems

[Rach Geo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Insightful, somewhat contradictory here and there, but came together cohesively over all. Some practices will be easy to incorporate while others I simply dont see as appropriate. I liked the approach, not necessarily every detail.
Respect. Partnerships. Options. ✔
Giving students less problems because they argued/ rewarding misbehaviors. Decidedly not. X

[Talbot Hook · Rating 1 out of 5]

I quite thoroughly disliked this book. Speaking functionally, there were many grammatical, formatting, and spelling mistakes throughout the work. In a professionally-published text (with no fewer than three authors), this should simply not happen.

While the authors are correct in many ways, they seem to lapse in judgment in others; throwing tantrums and cursing while in front of students (suggested in their section on unconventional responses) is a breach of professional ethics and conduct.

Overall, though, I felt as though this book was lacking any depth of thought, spirit of inquiry, or literary merit. It is not an intellectual book at any level, and gives cursory answers to problems that are nebulous enough so as to deserve more discussion.

[Erin McDonnell-Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

I agree with the theme of this book: students are human, they make mistakes, and we should help them navigate through these instances.

However: (1) the authors offered only a synopsis of various ideas and examples without a lot of depth (2) I don’t always agree with the language they suggest to use (telling kids that they can have 5 minutes to argue with you/ complain? Nope). (3) I feel like this book was an overview to a disciple program that you have to pay money for to learn to use

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Did not really teach me anything I didn't really know. Would have liked to have more data and research put into the advice the authors give. Seemed like theories that haven't really been put into practice.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, I like this book, I really do, but some of it is just too much for me. I found myself laughing at some of the suggestions, but many of them I nodded my head in agreement. My school follows a RtI three tier approach for discipline. The sentiment is good, but we still struggle with the practice. An outside consultant helped a small team develop this student code of conduct and interventions/consequences, but we need to revisit this more often, and this book could be helpful when we have those discussions.

The authors provide all of the circumstances that contribute to students acting out, and they separate them into what happens outside of school and what happens within our classes. I truly appreciate that the authors acknowledge all of the issues that are endemic to society in general.

I believe that consequences and interventions are better than punishments. The trouble is that in the heat of the moment, it's difficult not to fall into the punishment mode. The book offers many, many, many examples of how to practice restorative justice and classroom management that allows students to maintain dignity. I found the information on reframing and appreciation vs. reward and social contracts and fair vs. equal interesting and helpful. The comments about homework would certainly prompt discussion as will the information about group work.

The final chapter is a guide for administrators, and it stresses the importance of supporting teachers. Amen to that. An appendix with commonly asked questions was okay, but it felt like it was used merely to further the authors' points. It didn't feel genuine to me.

Bottom line: it's all about establishing relationships and making connections and letting students know that you care. The authors even provide handouts you can use with students to do just this. Hmmm... have we truly lost the ability to ask other humans questions and engage in conversations without a form guiding us?

[Shari Hardinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good reminders of the variables involved in how we prevent and respond to student behaviors. I liked the following criteria presented to help guide us: Does it work? Does it preserve dignity, or does it humiliate? Does it teach responsibility, or does it rely on obedience? How does it affect motivation to learn? I would recommend this book for educators and administrators alike. However, there are some suggestions that contradict the authors’ advice that include sarcasm and unrealistic responses to students that would definitely be humiliating. I say read this book with a grain of salt and utilize the positive, realistic strategies that could benefit students in the classroom. Definitely would have to adjust for your age group.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book every new teacher needs to walk through independently and with a mentor to make sure they are ready to be successful with classroom management and to directly teach the skills children need to demonstrate in their classroom.

[Shaina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent discussion of discipline in terms of helping students learn and maintaining everyone’s dignity. Discusses consequences instead of punishment, and gives excellent concrete suggestions. Was given to me by Dr. Smith.

[Sara Cockrum · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a former teacher when I told her I would be transitioning from industry to teaching. It has some extremely good classroom management advice with examples on how to apply it.

[Shanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Discipline strategies to avoid conflict and elicit cooperation from students. Chock full of good suggestions.

[Cynthia Sherman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting concepts.

[Salliann Ran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book for teachers to establish a positive learning environment in their classrooms.

[Sarah Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Concise, practical, and a quick but useful read about classroom management, rules, consequences, and student motivation and sense of self worth. This book answers questions like the following: how can you be fair to students and consistent while also varying your practice based on individual needs? How do you deescalate potentially explosive confrontations in the classroom? How do you stay in control while also allowing students to feel like they are in control and have choices? How do you make rules and consequences that make sense and contribute to learning rather than simply inflicting misery? How do you involve students in creating classroom values, rules and consequences?

This book succeeds in both providing framework for thinking about how to manage a classroom fairly and efficiently and in providing numerous examples to illustrate the points. While the examples may seem far-fetched to some who would never dare say "x" to a student in a given situation, to me that's less important. The book also explains the importance of knowing your students, so obviously you would need to adapt the approaches and language used in the examples to suit your specific classroom needs.

Overall, a great book to get you thinking reflectively about how you deal with discipline in the classroom and consider how you might be more successful.

[Jeni Enjaian · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated this book much more than the "Love and Logic" book even though I have given them the same rating. This is the part where I once again reiterate how much I wish that goodreads would let us give half stars in the ratings. I likely would have rated the "Love and Logic" book a 2.5 and this book a 3.5.
Perennial gripe aside...
There were a few things that kept me from giving this book a four star rating. The first of which was purely cosmetic but does play a part in the reading experience and that is font size. The entire book is printed with a smaller font size which slows down the reading process. The other slightly negative aspect of this book was its academic focus. Normally I absolutely love books like this. If I read this book simply to learn more about a particular topic, this slant would serve as something in the book's favor. However, I read this book with the goal of being able to make more practical applications. At this point, that is what I am looking for most in relation to teaching. This book was light on the practical applications which was disappointing because so much of what Curwin discussed could be tremendously powerful in the classroom.
I definitely recommend this book, especially for teachers in the summer which you have time to sit down and grew over the information presented.

[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as part of a summer class, after struggling with classroom management during my first year teaching. I feel that it was a worthwhile read. It emphasizes things such as building relationships with students and parents, having clear expectations for rules and procedures, and the necessity of having lessons that keep students engaged. The focus is on three Cs that students need: connection, competence, and control. If a student feels a lack in any of those areas, they will be more likely to act out. May be a review for some educators, but as a new teacher I found it applicable.

[Janice · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was pretty good. It had some good ideas. How to set some ground rules (something everyone should agree on). Had some ideas for steps for maintaining a safe and productive environment for learning. The parts I had some problems with were a lot weren't applicable for small, private school. But I don't think that was the point.

This book wasn't intended for me, the teacher at a small, private school. That's why the three stars and the grammar mistakes. One or two really bugged me.

All in all a worthwhile read.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was interesting read that allows a teacher to think about discipline. This issue is one being faced in many schools with students causing outbursts in the classroom. This book allows a better option. I feel as though it was strong addressing the issue in a quick and concise read. It gave you the information needed without dragging the topic out to the point where you forget the focus. Overall, a good read with a few spots of straying away from the topic.

[Dwenette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Theory verses practicality is a challenge all teachers face. DWD offers suggestions for different levels of experience and various positions to help all educators convey to students they are loved and respected. DWD can teach the novice teacher practical applications and expert teachers practical solutions to building relationships with students and avoiding power struggles. Great resource for any educators tool box.

[Jeremy Schubert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helping people realize that discipline doesn't just mean punishment, it also means preventing further incidents and giving the student a way to express remorse for what they have done and to learn how and why not to repeat the behavor. This is one of the texts I actually remember (that made a great impression) from my days of teacher training at the university of Regina.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a good "reminder book" about all the important discipline techniques I've learned. The authors offer straightforward techniques to creating a positive classroom climate. I don't agree with all of it, like letting students pick which parts of the homework assignments they want to do, since I don't give busy work. Over all, though, it was a nice refresher and affirmation.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book for a class, and it has very useful information for new teachers. There is a lot of information that I wish I had known before. (I would not recommend this to people who are not teachers.)

[Alex Templeton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for my "Introduction to Middle School" class. Too bad we didn't really even discuss it, but that's another story. I think the authors have many good ideas on child-centered, respectful discipline. I'd recommend this to all teachers.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took a college course with one of the authors. Never actually bought and read the book till after grad school. Really glad I did though. Some useful strategies and methods. Take what you like and use it, like any professional development.

[Mark Schlatter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably the classroom management book that's closest to my personal philosophy --- very focused on student choice, but much more organized than Coloroso or the Love & Logic team. A good amount of detail and reference to research.

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good tips but I am not going to send a wiggly student to see how many water fountains in the school need fixed or send kids to the hallway until they are ready to come back. I would never see my student(s) again!

[Kelly Allan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really good reminders in this book and a few helpful strategies. I would recommend it to a brand new teacher just starting their career. It is a great refresher on discipline for educators in their careers for awhile too.